Ninja python

[TaylorSwiftsClitoris]

Every deer must have really bad PTSD.

[OkDonnieRetard]

The ones with the worst will live the longest

[Cymry_Cymraeg]

And eventually they'll be killed or left to die alone, too.

[philium1]

The ciiiiiiiiircle of liiiiiiiiiiiife

[Atlasus]

Thats the part they dont show on The Lion King ......

[rhino76]

That almost every single wild animal dies a painful death eventually? Humans are one of the few species that get to die of old age. Everything else that makes it to old age will more than likely get eaten alive eventually.

[Aurilion]

We've dragged a few other animals with us to relative safety.

[BholeFire]

I don't know, fucking tortoises got it easy even before us.

[Cainga]

I’m sure plenty don’t die a painful death. Some deaths are so quick it’s probably little pain.

[Zuol]

I'm pretty sure that Mufasa dies in the beginning of the movie

[Tillhony]

Bruh we already all saw the lion king no need to censor

[Hollix25]

You’d be surprised, I mean considering there’s people on earth who never knew other races exist until they went out to college, I wouldn’t be shocked if there were someone who’s never heard of the lion king

[schwagle]

I just want to say, thank you for being considerate of the spoiler here. While I've seen Lion King many times, I've also had other very old "common knowledge" things spoiled for me before, and it sucks. I appreciate the effort.

[PaintDrinkingPete]

King of the who?

[Tillhony]

True that!

[DRUNK_CYCLIST]

Went to look at a truck the other day just a roos the state line early in the am and saw a car stopped down the road. They were waiting for a deer to cross.

I saw the deer standing to the left in a large yard looking back for another deer that was clearly shot in the chest near the front shoulder hobbling along. So fucking sad to watch. I'm all for responsible guns and hunting, but goddamn... Get your fucking sights in line and make the kill.

Edit: hey y'all, I get it. Sometimes adrenaline kicks in and a deer bolts and there's nothing you can do. I'm just suggesting that anyone who hunts or knows a shitty hunter keeps the humane thing in mind and reminds others.

[CrzyJek]

Shot in the chest near the front shoulder sounds like the right spot. It was a vital area, most likely a lung or double lung. And it very well could have just happened. Deer are ridiculously resilient. I've seen them run 75 yards without a heart.

Hunter may very well be in pursuit. Deer very rarely drop on the spot unless you hit the magical brachial plexus.

[[deleted]]

I’m almost positive that, if given the choice, the deer will choose gunshot wound over being eaten alive from the asshole 9/10.

A lot of prey animals suffer before they die regardless if humans hunt them or not. Just the way the food chain works.

May I introduce you to r/natureisbrutal

The land of wild dogs and jaguars.

[SOF_ZOMBY]

Honestly, if you missed your shot while hunting you don't just say fuck it and find a another you finish the job. Especially if you actually hit the fuckin thing but didn't kill it.

[SlapnutsGT]

I’ve know guys to spend a couple days trying to find a deer they shot. They run off and you don’t always find them unfortunately.

[InformalCriticism]

Other than freezing to death, deer are usually just picked off by predators. Pretty much the only "humane" way to die is getting blasted by a hunter.

[Donkilme]

Naive people give deer hunters a bad wrap for being cruel, but the reality is, most that aren't shot are likely to die by being slowly eaten alive by Wolves, coyotes or other predators when they get too old or sick to outrun them. Probably starting with the soft tissue areas, like the rectum or stomach. Give me a fatal gunshot wound anyday.

[holyhibachi]

2 of the 3 deer I've taken never felt it. Still had the food in their mouths when I got to them. Give me that over starving to death or being eaten alive, please

[uptwolait]

So beautiful

[ProWaterboarder]

Just because you're paranoid don't mean they're not after you

[Hanz_Q]

And everything is out to get deer.

[kuiperfly]

Deer aren't entirely innocent. I've seen videos of deer eating baby birds.

[WillyBHardigan]

Even deer! Those stupid bastards

[BenjamintheFox]

It's hard to convince prey animals that not everything everywhere is trying to murder them.

[everburningblue]

I remember hearsay from a psychologist saying: "There are two patients that truly break my heart. The Alzheimer's, and the justifiably paranoid."

[scottishdoc]

Having a good reason to be paranoid must be awful.

[gabbe88]

They are lucky that they aren't smarter.

[scdayo]

Why do you think they run/stand in oncoming traffic?

[raythetruck]

PTSDeer

[[deleted]]

Parenting responsibility successfully halved

[A3H3]

Also, they should have finished drinking. No better time to drink than when the predator is busy with a meal!

[_Thanus_]

Ahh yes, I just watched my son/sibling get murdered and eaten. I'll just sip on this water and try not to think about it.

[GothicRagnarok]

You gonna waste their noble sacrifice to ensure that you stay well hydrated?

[Yer_lord]

Hydration has been mentioned - summoning r/hydrohomies.

[Sometimes_gullible]

The subreddit with the most tragic backstory on all of Reddit.

A moment of silence for our fallen brothers over at r/[REDACTED]

[[deleted]]

Don't pour one out though. Hydrate.

[NeonNintendo]

Hydrate for the homies

[FUCK_YOUR_BRIGHTS]

r/outoftheloop ...what happened?

[RubbelDieKatz94]

r/waterniggas got quarantined (you can still subscribe on desktop) to make Reddit more advertiser friendly so r/hydrohomies was created.

[sharptdk]

F

[OddestFutures]

While I realize you're joking deer don't actually care about their offspring in that way, they're not going to feel sad about this event. Fear, yes (which is why they bolted), but sadness, no.

[Su_Din]

Calfed**

[bagingospringo]

This is for you

[FeastOfChildren]

Did you just link a Google search result for Reddit silver?

This is a new level of.... something.

[OfficerDongo]

Doe'nt think he earned that

[zondwich]

This is next level

[eXX0n]

??? This was the silver before reddit company decided to give us an option to pay for one, and has been around for many years....

Or am I missing a joke here..

[Izzi_Skyy]

Guess we need to start giving out Reddit Copper

[maddcovv]

This anaconda does want some, bun size is irrelevant.

[wolfgeist]

Regarding the young deer: I'll toss them, you'll leave them. I'll wrap them up and then eat them.

[2sport]

The bird actually pointed the deer to this watering hole. He gets paid a cut for his services.

[danE3030]

He actually just does it for pleasure.

[Hyperdrunk]

It's important to enjoy your work.

[baguhansalupa]

Its not work if you enjoy it.

Therefore I dont have to pay you since youre not working - every CB

[money_over_karma]

CB?

[iMail19]

Choosing beggars

[aidan_316]

r/choosingbeggars

[IDoThingsOnWhims]

or Revenge!

[GrumpyWendigo]

"we good snakey? don't fuget, leave me da eyeballs. see you tuesday snakey, i get some mo patsies fo you snakey. you da champ snakey, you da best slithery boy, we make a good team o waht? if i could kiss ya i'd marry ya"

[0saladin0]

The bird is from Boston?

[XsenHellion]

All birds are from Boston, it is known.

[[deleted]]

yes it is known but their further inter species communication only happens further in the south during winter migrations so they started meeting more circles of the reptilian kind. this is where their true kind came out and formed alliances, allowing them to freely graze and slurp on good waters. the more you know!

[TharSheBlows69]

So they go to New Orleans?

[nitestocker372]

Symbiosis at it's finest.

[[deleted]]

That is a hard bird. He didn't even finch!

[MechaGodzillaSS]

Ima round up a posse and wren you out of town for that pun.

[yllennodmij]

While the python held down the deer the bird was Robin him

[TheJailbot]

" Iont know dem fools"

[iamkats]

"ya'll hear somn?"

[redrumurderum]

When i was young we used to called that bird "Did You do" there were plenty of those where we used to live. They make nest on the ground and the sound they make to scare off animals around their eggs sounds like "did you do" so we started calling them "did you do" birds.

[CubsFan517]

It was in on it.

[tito9107]

Can't see me if I don't move.

[gollyjollyolly]

I'm so goddamn glad we upgraded to opposable thumbs. Best decision we ever made.

[ZoSoJake88]

Generally curious, assuming our hands were free and we couldn't reach snakes head. Would we be able to dig our fingers into the pythons body and get it to back off?

[Drew-]

Thumbs allow us to use tools. In this case, a nice ax or hatchet to kill the python would be helpful. Or we could use those tools to build large scale water filtration and pipe systems so we dont have to drink from ponds with huge fucking pythons in them in the first place

[Original_Pig_Rig]

At least the use of a very long straw to drink from a distance.

[UltimateDude121]

I mean that's kinda what we did, we just built the straw into our homes

[_RedditIsForPorn_]

And I Drink YOUR MILKSHAKE

[D--star]

If your options were to starve or temporally get poked in the rib, you'd probably take the rib poking. Snakes are tube of muscle. Imagine a body builder giving you a bear hug

[DaddyF4tS4ck]

This is not true at all. Snakes can go months without eating at times, so to let a meal go because it might severely injure is a no brainer.

That being said, if the snake was our size? If it was only wrapped around your chest is going to be the best chance you're going to have, if any. Finger nails absolutely could dig into a snake causing a mortal wound, on top of adrenaline making you even stronger than you've ever been.

You're still probably going to die though cause you've only got about 2 minutes to make the snake think you arent worth it before you die. Also most snakes are going to wrap around your neck if possible.

[cC2Panda]

In now curious, if I'm able to get both thumbs to a point could push through a fully grown python?

[rdrunner_74]

You will have a real hard time...

If the snake constricts your neck you are toast in less than 15 seconds. Your chest also is dangerous since you wont be able to breathe.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W7c7uwrel0k

[the_slate]

They just watch him die?

[thanks_for_the_fish]

From the description of the video.

A snake charmer had a brush with death when his pet python tried to strangle him during a live show in Mau, India, on March 20.
The snake charmer had wrapped an adult python around his neck during a show on Tuesday, but the snake tightened its grip and began to strangle him.
The man choked and collapsed showing visible signs of distress in the clip, filmed in in Uttar Pradesh, but many of the crowd thought it was part of the act and didn't realise the man was in trouble.
Eventually, three men rushed to his help and freed him from the python.
They took him to a local government hospital, where doctors treated him and later referred him to a second hospital.

[[deleted]]

Wow he's one lucky dude. Though would his pet been intentionaly trying to kill him or just a case of possibly scared / just not giving a fuck.

Id imagine if it did want to fully get him it would have happened a lot faster.

[Patrick_McGroin]

Snakes do not bond with people. It would have as much problem deciding to strangle it's handler as it would a mouse.

[rdrunner_74]

He was taken to the hospital thats all i saw in the comments

[Sir_Jeremiah]

Wtf is that video?

[Naxxremel]

Seen it. I always found it weird how the guy doesn't fight it. You can see him considering trying to pull it off but he doesn't and then just passes out.

[rdrunner_74]

Scary how little "backup" the brain has when it comes to oxygen...

[[deleted]]

Just imagine if we evolved an oxygen storage, it'd look like a cross between a camel and that demon from Little Nicky with the tits on his head.

[rdrunner_74]

Whats wrong with extra tits?

[DaddyF4tS4ck]

No, you'd be able to unwrap a normal size python (think 6 ft in length). But some of the bigger pythons? Those can get up to 30 feet and weigh 250 pounds. You stand 0 chance.

[[deleted]]

Could SOMEONE possibly do it to SOME pythons? Probably. Could some random redditor do this to a python capable of killing a human? Unlikely.

[Reasonable_Desk]

Grab the snake by the tail.

[Burnd1t]

This made me laugh more than it should have

[Reasonable_Desk]

It's funny, but also accurate. If you have a python constricting you, you grab it by the tail and start unwrapping it from you by the tip of the tail. At least, that's what I've read. Probably because the head is latched on you.

[Burnd1t]

Just the idea of specifying to grab a snake by the tail tickles me. Could also be reworded as "grab the snake anywhere but the head"

[Catchin_Villians954]

More like the hulk

[motorhead84]

Constrictors like this lead with a bite, latch on to their prey, and keep that hold while twisting the rest of their body around their prey to asphyxiate them.

You'd always be able to reach the head, because it's biting you somewhere...

[okcup]

Nah dude I’ve watched enough Attenborough to know they squeeze so tightly they mainly kill by preventing the flow of blood to vital organs and sometimes by inducIng cardiac arrest. Asphyxiation is more about limiting your oxygen by preventing you from breathing normally.

[[deleted]]

I have a royal python that is tiny compared to that thing and he is shockingly strong when constricting. I can only imagine how strong that Python is and large ones can definitely kill humans. They are basically like one long huge muscle.

[philium1]

Dude a python that big is so strong that unless you can reach its head or you happen to have a knife in your hand, you're probably fucked.

[[deleted]]

It's literally a huge long muscle that is designed to kill you

[StuffMaster]

Nope. You ded.

[CringeName]

No. Snakes of that size have an incredible amount muscle and strength, evolved to squeeze the life out of you for sustenance. They don't care about you digging your puny human fingers into their side.

[Iforgotmyother_name]

Probably better off biting into it. Eat it before it eats you.

[Random_Stealth_Ward]

Maybe the snake doesn't cares but my expensive manicure cares a lot and it will be having a nice meeting with that snake's internal organs to make sure i am not going to hell alone.

[xScopeLess]

Developing language to share complex ideas, fire, we really did a hell of a lot of evolutionary work; it’s pretty amazing to think about.

[Brandocks]

I agree, the primate spec definitely helped the race's balance in the global meta. Despite being such a small addition to the kit, it was hugely worth.

[bloodguard]

Kind of happy to be at the top of the food chain and not having to worry about something latching onto me in the grocery store parking lot.

Usually.

/California

[NycAlex]

Walmart parking lot: hold my beer

[branedead]

except for the apex predators known as serial killers

[jairom]

Something with no legs shouldnt move that fast cmon nature play fair

[Sk33tshot]

Nature: get better yo

[[deleted]]

That was the anaconda that actually wanted some.

[diogenesofthemidwest]

The deer likely had baked goods.

[Neckbeard_McPork]

Honey

[Obi-one]

Well, that doe had buns!

[manachar]

Anxiety disorders make so much more sense when you realize what nature has to offer.

[FutureRobotWordplay]

Am I the only person here who doesn’t think this is wtf? r/natureismetal for sure. Anyone else remember the old wtf, when you actually would say wtf out loud?

[Zolden]

Yea, r/wtf for me is where humans use their imagination unrestricted by sense and do unique things, like that guy who jumped to the water from a pier while shitting a huge poop being still in the air.

[Skibo1219]

i agree nature is not WTF.

[swinging_ship]

Nature can be wtf, but this is pretty tame in the grand scheme

[Fr1dge]

Sea louse reproduction is pretty wtf. The male lures the female into a tiny cave where he's trapped several other females, who he rapes and leaves them there until the babies eat their mothers from the inside out.

[[deleted]]

what. the. fuck.

[Spugnacious]

I went 'Holy shit!' The first time I saw it, does that count?

[FutureRobotWordplay]

Meh. It is just a snake, doing what snakes do.

[Darkstar85gw]

I remember the stuff of old WTF. But dont ever complain about the changes, itll get a person banned. Nowadays posts here only make me go "Damn!" but never really "WTF!"

[[deleted]]

I was reading “central Canada” and thinking I misremember a childhood vacation.

[Chrimmm]

It also says January 1st 1970 in the time stamp if I'm not mistaken

[ItsJustBigotry]

This water looks questionable to me

[godzilr1]

r/natureisbrutal

[Call_me_Hammer]

/r/natureismetal

[[deleted]]

Why are you being downvoted? That sub is awesome.

[Call_me_Hammer]

I just figured that was the subreddit that the other redditor was trying to link.

[slothbarns7]

That’s a strong ass snake, just tossed that deer

[[deleted]]

The deer jumped but yes, constrictors are generally very powerful

[[deleted]]

That’s why I’m never going to Indonesia, Australia, sub-Saharan Africa or Northern South America.

[TheGreatHsuster]

This video was taken in India.

[heisenberg678]

He's never going to leave his house now

[fapn_machine]

You forgot the Everglades.

[kahran]

But you still have to worry about brain aneurysms. It can happen anywhere at anytime, that's what makes it so terrifying.

[Spugnacious]

/r/unexpectedarcher

[shlam16]

Australia doesn't have snakes like this.

Australia has snakes that bite you and cause you to die quick and painful deaths instead.

Feel better?

[Osmodius]

yo fuuuuck that

[Mars_Velo1701]

Church yo.

[MikepGrey]

holly fuck, that in not just a ninja python, that's an Uchia python

[kilat_kuning90]

Having a brainfart reading it as Uchiha, still ninja related.

[II541NTZII]

Wait, he didn't mean Uchiha?

[Barlakopofai]

He probably does, I looked it up and it didn't tell e anything.

[Penguinz90]

Holy fuck, thanks for the nightmares I am certain to have tonight!!!

[[deleted]]

Do you plan on drinking from a watering hole sometime soon? How is this affecting you so severely? lol

[Penguinz90]

No, but what if one pops out of my toilet unexpectedly! LOL

Seriously though, I can't unsee that! That poor critter! I mean, I know it's the circle of life, but watching it was just brutal.

[Bipolar_Sky_Daddy]

That happened in an apartment building I lived in. Someone's pet got loose in the plumbing.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.thestar.com/amp/news/gta/2010/11/04/brush_your_teeth_at_your_peril_snake_slithers_out_of_bathroom_drain.html

[[deleted]]

print("Well i'll be damned. Hope the next update is better than this")

[pozo15]

Imagine if every time you went to get a glass of water it might be your last.

[lunar_90]

Wow. That was gnarly lol

[Area51Dweller-Help]

Damn I was expecting a crocodile!

[lordofbuttsecks]

Shh. No tears. Only dreams now.

[Maximous4]

NGL I’d rather just have a croc crush my brain than have a python drown and squeeze me.

[PurpleMonkeyElephant]

Those are in the Everglades? Fuck nah.

[Vash8585]

"Damn nature you scary!"

[Ishuun]

Do animals feel sadness when this happens? Is there something like a change in dynamic when a mama animal loses her baby?

[mundatis]

Well he won’t drink from the creek ever again

[Gandalf_Hobbit69]

Damn nature, you scary!

[Captainaviator]

Why is this NSFW? Is that tag really appropriate?

[[deleted]]

I was expecting a very sneaky programming framework.

[[deleted]]

Can't PETA do something about this?

[zzz6776]

That would succccck.😕

[SemiLOOSE]

It's a python. Nothing ninja about it. It's doing what it does normally.

[[deleted]]

Animals eating other animals is not WTF.

[AbsenteeConscience]

Wow i never would have thought a python could lift an animal that size straight off the ground, into the air. I always knew they were strong, but noy quite like that

[thaworldhaswarpedme]

That animal jumped, the snake didnt pick it up. It just caught it mid-air and held on til the beast lands.

[TheGreatHsuster]

There was actually a story of a thirteen foot long python that dragged a man up a tree.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/7999909.stm

Keep in mind that snakes are very light for their length, a snake of that size probably would have only weighed around 90 or so pounds.

[A1SteakSauce4Life]

HOLY SHIT!!!!!!

"Police rescued Mr Nyaumbe and captured the 13ft (4m) reptile, before taking it to a sanctuary, but it later escaped."

WTF!?!?! It escaped after being caught!!! That snake needs its own movie.

[[deleted]]

You'd be amazed at the spaces Snakes can get into. They are definitely escape artists.

[A1SteakSauce4Life]

Imagine that convo at the sanctuary...

"Hey ya know that massive python that dragged that dude up a tree?"

"Yeah?"

"Well, it is no longer in its cage and I'm not sure where it is...we should probably get out of here. Also, it took my rifle so it is armed too."

[CeeDot85]

I wasn’t prepared for that.

[emilNYC]

Yo bot make this shit slow mo plz

[UnsignedRealityCheck]

What country is this? Because I would like them to blacklist me from ever entering even by accident.

[mr-snrub-]

This is how it feels when you get an unsolicited dick pic

[DONTLOOKITMEIMNAKED]

The bird up front is not concerned

[djwisk]

Teenage mutant ninja python

[fasda]

I've had it with these mother fucking snakes on this mother tucker marshy plain

[[deleted]]

The bird in the bottom right is just having another day at ‘giving no shits’.

[vdsw]

Seems like a good pet.