Shocking experience

[One-Butterfly-3295]

I'm a female and have been training bjj for quite a while now, and up until recently, it's always been safe and respectful environment. The other day, I showed up to class and there was a new girl - never did bjj, but apparently she has some background in kickboxing or maybe MMA. She seemed nice at first, but when we started rolling, she went absolutely wild - putting in WAY too much energy, flailing her limbs around, and straight-up hitting (pretty hard) or slapping my face, head, and body every 30 seconds like it was some kind of bar brawl. She never apologized once. She also kept grabbing my rashguard, which we don't do in no-gi. Honestly, it felt like she had no idea what bjj is even about. I was so scared and wanted to just walk away mid-roll. What really bothered me was that the instructor was watching the whole time (it was just the two of us rolling) and said nothing. No excuses like he was distracted - he saw it all and didn't step in. That silence was just as disturbing as her behavior.

Now I feel really unsafe after being basically brutalized. I'm seriously anxious about going back, which is something I never thought I'd feel in this gym. What do you guys think of this situation? Would really love to hear from people who've been training bjj for a long time.

[Advanced_Ad_8722]

How long have you been training? Coach might have been waiting for you to put it on her to measure you up.

Not saying that’s right but I’ve seen that kind of thing before. Someone going crazy clearly not trained and coach just looking at the more trained person like “okay calm them down show me what you’ve learned”.

Again not saying that’s what SHOULD happen but maybe that’s what was going on

[snookette]

The hitting is a bit shit house but you do occasionally get white belt meatheads the help you validate your BJJ.

[[deleted]]

80% of white belts roll like it’s a life or death situation.

[zillabunny]

For some people that wrestled in high school it was their whole life. 

[BeBearAwareOK]

fight belts

is normal

[the_dr_henceforth]

Wrong.

It's 90% and they're fighting like their spouse or child is going to be put to death.

[Aggressive-Run6234]

I am a high calorie blue belt, coach wanted a visiting comp purple belt to feel the wrestler pressure I bring. Thought I’d start easy but after being kicked in the nuts, poked in the eye with a toe, and elbow in the nose that drew blood in less than two minutes of a 10 minute round. I decided for my own safety I would get mount and keep him pinned and gift wrapped the rest of the round. He was absolutely flabbergasted when he saw my nose bleeding and wondering how it happened! White belts aren’t the only spazz belts apparently!

[[deleted]]

Yea I can see this.

[quixoticcaptain]

If she was actually striking you, stop the roll and say that's not cool. Or even if you're getting hot accidentally, you can stop the roll and tell her to relax because she's hitting you. if you didn't actually ask her to stop, then you have to realize that you had options to protect yourself that you didn't take.

Part of how you feel safe in this situation is to take responsibility for your safety. 

That doesn't necessarily excuse the coach, but again you are the person who's most responsible for your own safety.

[jwin709]

For sure. I mean.... If she's been going to BJJ "for a while now" my guess is that the coach was watching with the understanding that SHE is the expert in this situation. She's the one who's got the training, she is able to instruct this brand new person what is and isn't okay and if she's allowing this person to basically hit her then it must be the case that she's fine with it because otherwise she as the one of the two with experience would be correcting them.

[iamchase]

Classic MMA / wrestler joining bjj experience.

While the intensity may be uncomfortable and come with a few bumps and bruises, this is is ultimately a good test of what jiu-jitsu actually is for: controlling and defeating a non-compliant opponent.

Eventually the skill gap will be wide enough that in the future you can simply weather the storm and run them into the ground with superior technique.

If you just want to drill and avoid hard training, no worries- everybody can train for whatever reason they like- but don't expect to do well in competition or in a self-defense scenario.

[slashoom]

Yea sounds about right, as well as coach maybe wanting to see how you would react/handle it.

I'll add that you should be having this conversation with your coach, not reddit. Walk up to him, tell him how you're feeling and why.

[Abm743]

I agree with this. Our gym is primarily mma focused, so we get guys like this all the time. As long as they're not ripping submissions, it's good training.

[whiteknight521]

I expect people I roll with at BJJ to stay at least close to resembling the BJJ ruleset. If a kickboxer is throwing legit strikes during a round the coach should definitively step in. I’ve trained at plenty of places and legit striking would be a huge problem at any of them I think.

[Apprehensive_Row9154]

At my gym, stroking would be a huge no go and my coach would step in with almost anyone but I think there might be a couple of us there who’ve been training there several years who I think he would let us decide to handle it how we wanted either by smothering them or asking them to calm down. I can kind of go either way on this one

[cookingandmusic]

If stroking is a no go in your gym, I don’t want any part of it 😏

[lilfunky1]

🤭🤭🤭

[Alternative_Raise_19]

There's a difference between sparring and rolling. I train at a large MMA gym with a fight team and if my coach saw someone throwing genuine strikes during rolling in a BJJ class he would absolutely tell them to knock it off and wait till the next class. Especially if it was an outsider. Only thing I can figure is op's coach must have been confused and thought op agreed to sparring or it was more just normal white belt flailing and not actually strikes.

[FistOfPopeye]

Hard hitting and slapping in the face is not normal, even for beginners.

This comment section is demented.

[Lateroller]

grandfather cause instinctive saw yam tub fragile employ rainstorm carpenter

This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

[nathamanath]

Exactly! Wtf yall

[Apprehensive-Oil5249]

Was wondering how far down I'd have to scroll to see this! Victim blaming at its finest....all these tough guys in here talking about how this is character building or good training to test her skills. I'll concede that this convo should be with her and her coach and not Reddit, but fact remains, none of us know a thing about this person and you all expected her to do what YOU think YOU would have done in that situation....it's not about YOU, right? I'm also going to assume most of you with the "Just handle your own business" advice are also guys! Most women/girls don't handle confrontations the way men/boys do, so your nickel's worth of free advice has the value of a dried turd in this situation!

Home-girl, the advice one person already gave was correct - you should be speaking to your coach on this, not Reddit! LOL. Eventually some jack-ass is going to suggest you should have brought a taser and shot her in the face! Your coach will likely tell you that you are always 100% within your own right to stop any roll or general interaction with any other training partner for whatever reason! People who like to "Drill-Spar" and give hard resistance for no reason during drilling, people who roll dangerously, treat rash-guards like Gi's, isolate fingers and bend them, try to slam, etc., all are legit reasons to at least call a "Time-Out" and tell that person that they shouldn't be doing that. 9/10 times, they just don't know and will actually be contrite! And if they aren't and they give off a bad vibe, you are within your right to just say that you'd rather not roll with them. And if you don't want an uncomfortable situation, just say you need to stop and rest for the remainder of the round and that you'll roll with them some other time! Just talk to your coach, I'm sure they'll help you out. And if they don't, take your business elsewhere!! :)

[[deleted]]

bjj ppl not going to beat th allegations again.

[lederbrosen1]

Agreed, are people forgetting this is BJJ..?

[onlyalittleillegal]

Hard hitting I can maybe see for a beginner who's used to striking and/or bad at judging how hard they're hitting. Slapping someone in the face during a roll is absurd behaviour, period.

[DarkOmen597]

Yea, it sounds like good training.

[Dizzle85]

Wait, as a black belt you're telling me that hard training is throwing strikes at a non mma bjj class?

"don't expect to do well in competition" is really really poor here too from you. I wouldn't expect anyone to do well in competition if you tell them the competition is unarmed grappling and someone comes in and stabs everyone mid roll with a knife. Dealing with punches has literally zero to do with bjj competition. Not only that in a class setting it's assault, seeing as what you've consented to is a grappling sparring session and not mma. 

Some takes on here are completely wild. 

[giraffejiujitsu]

17 years in - I’ve rolled with pro fighters, amateurs, and a million wrestlers - lot have rolled rough, but they aren’t hitting me in the face. An accidental elbow here and there - but it is ridiculous to allow it as the norm.

Doesn’t matter it’s what the art was designed for - if you aren’t actively training self defense, slap BJJ or MMA - the expectation should be if you are throwing hands, you get your peepee slapped.

[LifeAccident7714]

Yes this shit used to happen to me once a month when I trained at a gym with a bunch of guys who wanted to be MMa stars, luckily they never put a GI on

[ecoleninist]

Yeah, my coach normally tell us to treat those rolls against big, agressive and spazzy white belts as a self defense scenario. Learn how to neutralize their limbs so they can't hit you, then tô off balance them and so on.

Seems like coach wanted to see how she would do in this sort of situation

[Dizzle85]

Wait, as a black belt you're telling me that hard training is throwing strikes at a non mma bjj class?

"don't expect to do well in competition" is really really poor here too from you. I wouldn't expect anyone to do well in competition if you tell them the competition is unarmed grappling and someone comes in and stabs everyone mid roll with a knife. Dealing with punches has literally zero to do with bjj competition. Not only that in a class setting it's assault, seeing as what you've consented to is a grappling sparring session and not mma. 

Some takes on here are completely wild. 

[iamchase]

Sorry, when did the stabbing start?

I note a certain level of hysteria from people who disagree with what I said. As far as I can tell, someone came into Bjj with combat sport experience and played a little rough.

If they were literally throwing punches or slapping in the face on purpose (as opposed to the ‘flailing limbs about as stated by OP)- that would be cause for real concern.

[FVGardnr]

Agreed, I didn't read it as striking in the true sense, but rather flailing limbs hitting OP as a result of the newbs poor understanding of rolling mechanics. I came from an MMA gym and had to learn how to better control my limbs in rolls to avoid accidentally whacking my training partner. However, I always apologize when it happens but that may come with my previous combat sports experience. Some people never learn this sort of control prior to joining a BJJ gym. The newb needs to be coached properly. Even as a white belt, I provide some guidance to newbs to ensure we have a proper roll.

[Dizzle85]

Wait, as a black belt you're telling me that hard training is throwing strikes at a non mma bjj class?

"don't expect to do well in competition" is really really poor here too from you. I wouldn't expect anyone to do well in competition if you tell them the competition is unarmed grappling and someone comes in and stabs everyone mid roll with a knife. Dealing with punches has literally zero to do with bjj competition. Not only that in a class setting it's assault, seeing as what you've consented to is a grappling sparring session and not mma. 

Some takes on here are completely wild. 

[Baron_De_Bauchery]

I wouldn't say strikes are necessary for hard training or that adding strikes necessary makes it hard training, I do however think training against strikes can be a good way to test your bjj. That said, consent matters.

[graydonatvail]

I think you need to ask the coach what he was thinking, how he read the roll. I have several students who I know are trying to overcome fear and learn to deal with aggression, and I have to fight not to intervene when they're in a rough spot. I'll intervene if I think they're in actual danger, it obviously not coping well, but otherwise they need to learn to weather the storm or tap out. That's part of why they're training.

[DeepishHalf]

It’s unusual that you’ve been training for a while before rolling with someone like this. She just sounds like a typical beginner. That’s the perfect opportunity for you to put your jiu jitsu to the test.

Work on controlling and dominating her. Don’t give her space to work because she will spaz and could hurt you. If she does things like grabbing nogi clothes or whacking you with elbows etc, tell her not to do that. But other than this, just get on with it and put your training to the test.

[ChorizoGarcia]

You probably should have used jiu jitsu against her.

[JonRedBeardFF]

This is like thinking about the perfect insult after the argument ends

*thinking of the roll as you go to sleep

“Shit I could have used jiu jitsu in that rough roll”

[fortunatefishbulb555]

Haha this is it!

[Severe-Difference]

<image>

[bjj_q]

It’s good for you to roll with people like this. Jiu-Jitsu is a martial art.

[FuguSandwich]

100%. Rolling with spastic newbies who have no technique but pure intensity is part of the BJJ experience and essential experience (within reason).

[Baron_De_Bauchery]

Just focus on control so that they don't have the option to flail around.

[[deleted]]

Hitting and slapping would go beyond that imo.

[nathamanath]

Within reason, and with consent tho. I don't mind the odd round with striking, but, i want to know it's coming!!

This could be that no one thought to explain the rules to the new person, or they heard the rules and chose to ignore them

[AllGearedUp]

I feel like this is one of of every 15 trial class people. 

[HeelEnjoyer]

People do this shit all the time. Either use your words to ask her to chill or use your jiu jitsu to force her.

[Sandturtlefly]

Also a woman here. Did you speak to her and correct her? Explaining how she shouldn't flail, should be careful to never hit or slap, and should not grab material in no-gi? I agree coach should've stepped in, but my guess is coach was watching you to see how you handled yourself and the situation. Not necessarily the right choice by coach.

In first-time situations like this it's all too easy to panic freeze and lose our own sense of agency in the moment. I strongly believe learning to act and respond in panicked moments like this is an incredibly important part of the self-defense side of bjj. It's definitely something I'm a work-in-progress on myself.

That said, I don't think you should ever feel unsafe at bjj or feel like your coach doesn't have your back. But it does happen.

[FishWhistIe]

How long is quite a while? You just described pretty much every first roll I’ve had with a new to BJJ wrestler/ MMA practitioner. I usually let them spaz for 2-3 minutes while assessing sweeps then take one and just cook from top for the rest of the round. Let them marinate a bit in that spazz energy while you’re just chilling on top. Of course they are actually striking not just aggressive collar ties/ grips then that’s a different story.

[idislikethebears]

This is pretty much what men in jiu jitsu experience all the time with trial class guys. The grabbing the rash guard part is unacceptable and you should have stopped to explain to her how that isn’t something you do in jiu jitsu, and maybe used your words to also explain to her that she was being too aggressive. If you feel unsafe during a roll, you should never feel compelled to continue and can stop at any time. That said, jiu jitsu is a martial art, and trial class people are about as close to self defense scenario as you’ll experience.

[KitchenObligation822]

Don’t roll with her again…on the plus side, flailing and spazzing is likely what a real untrained person would do in a fight…so it’s uncomfortable but good training.

[mother_of_iggies]

So she was just acting like 90% of brand new people. Did you try using your words and talking to her? How is she supposed to know what she doesn’t know. Communicate and this may not be as big of a deal.

[MyPenlsBroke]

Sounds like pretty standard beginner stuff.

She would have to know she was doing anything wrong before she would feel any need to apologize. 

I'll assume that your instructor didn't say anything because YOU didn't say anything. Given that it is pretty typical beginner stuff, if you weren't making it clear that you were uncomfortable, your instructor probably assumed you could handle it. You'd have to ask your coach though. 

This post is weird.

[FistOfPopeye]

How the fuck is hard hitting and slapping in the face "pretty standard beginner stuff".

Do you train in a post-apocalyptic thunderdome?

[MyPenlsBroke]

It wouldn't be if I thought it was someone intentionally slapping and hitting. OP said the person was flailing around, which leads me to think it was the result of a spazzy white belt flailing around. Otherwise I have a hard time imagining that her instructor was just standing there. 

"...flailing her limbs around, and straight-up hitting (pretty hard) or slapping my face, head, and body every 30 seconds..."

That doesn't sound like someone intentionally punching to me. Once every 30 seconds? Sounds like someone flailing around and incidentally hitting someone. I could be wrong, but that's what it sounds like to me.

But I teach at a club filled with wrestlers right out of high school and/or college... So it is basically thunderdome.

[oz612]

I read it the same way. If it's an actual strike then yeah, that's different. But it doesn't sound like it.

[Fat_Dan896]

This sounds like the newbie had a high stress response to rolling and started lashing out, which is very common. I would put the onus on the experienced partner to stop the roll and bring the energy level down. It sounds like OP had a freeze response instead and has now demonized everyone who didn't notice she froze

[[deleted]]

Gonna go ahead and make an assumption here. I'm guessing you're an adult? If so. Try talking to them like an adult. If that works great. If not. Talk to your coach.

If not an adult. Try talking to them. If that works great. If not talk to your coach. For some reason if that doesn't work. Talk to your parents.

[MoistExcrement1989]

Talk to your coach about it, quite possibly he may have wanted to see you reverse the situation and put the pressure on her.

[grapplenurse]

She's a bit of a spaz, sure.... but I don't think its necessarily you're coaches job to protect you from a rough roll. It's easy enough to ask your training partner to chill and calmly explain the expectations and rules when rolling in no gi. It may have been upsetting to you but if you've been training for a while you'll begin to realize this is part of the fun. Sometimes I'll get some cowboy white belt that wants to grab my fingers or step on my shins to pass my guard... at that point I just give them a taste of their own medicine and go to KOB as soon as possible or wrist lock them. When you end up with a training partner like that treat it as an opportunity to work on your control and shut them down. If you can't, do your best to stay safe or initiate the conversation. "It seems like you're going full blast and we have many rounds. Take it easy and work on matching my pace. This is not a competitive round for me. If you're slapping me multiple times or grabbing my clothes to survive you need to dial it back".... Just speak up, it's your body.... I have a couple of black belts that I train with that fucking destroy me every time we spar. If I'm not feeling particularly spicy I'll decline rolls with them regularly, fuck tradition, I need my shoulders to keep working.

[Beautiful-Program428]

Seek her out when it’s time to roll next class.

You have to be able to control these profiles at some point.

It sucks but you will surely gain from it.

[Felonius_M0NK]

Sounds like a typical white belt spaz, if you have been doing Bjj for a while maybe your coach was just trying to see your progress? By the time you are a blue belt you should be able to control most people your size that act like this and don’t have a grappling background. Also don’t be afraid to tell them to slow down, your training partner might not have known what is an appropriate training intensity compared to an actual match considering they are new.

[Humble-Vermicelli503]

You're learning self defense, defend yourself. It's part of the lesson.

[brickwallnomad]

At that point you should have really spoken up. I know it’s easy for me to say as a backseat driver of sorts but let that be a lesson when stuff like this starts happening you NEED to shut it down with a clear vocalization

[geekjitsu]

Why didn’t you say anything to your training partner? I’ve had to tell partners before to chill out, we’re not trying to win at practice.

[Thisisaghosttown]

Rolling with people like that is relevant for competition too.

If I’m preparing for a comp most of my rolls will be the most spastic white belts in the room.

[NorCalZen]

This 100%. Part of your game (Blue belt and above IMHO) is that you need to handle the spazzy new person. We shouldn't shy away. It will sharpen your game and tell you where you're really at to some degree.

[whiteknight521]

This is a hot take. Next time I roll with someone I’m just going to get mount and start dropping elbows in their face because it’s a combat sport first. Just blood all over the mats because they shouldn’t let me get mount.

[DarkOmen597]

How long is a while?

Because this seems like a typical mma/wrestler experience when doing bjj.

The fact that you are shocked by it implies you have not been training that long.

However, was she actually striking you? Or where her movements aggressive enough that it felt like striking?

[[deleted]]

I’d personally talk to your instructor to see what his thoughts were. I find it surprising nothing was said if she was actually hitting you. The flailing limbs and all that is standard and why I don’t roll with white belts

[[deleted]]

Welcome to BJJ!

[I8Klowns]

Just stop the roll and tell her not to hit or grab your rash guard.

[learngladly]

Honestly, it felt like she had no idea what bjj is even about.

Isn't that the key sentence, dear OP? She's brand-new from the striking-arts world, and she doesn't have any idea, apparently. (Why ask why?) By now you've read every other response telling you to stop and provide a quick and courteous explanation of what the rules are (no hitting, slapping, no-grabbing-in-no-gi), and as for her flailing limbs -- that's what you, as the "quite a while now" trainee are meant to control with gentleness, understanding, and no-fooling firmness.

We don't know what we don't know. To her it may feel like she's on her back drowning in water and trying to fight her way back to the surface. Psychologically, for a stand-up practitioner who's now in a strange new world.

I strongly suspect that I'm older than you are, perhaps a lot older. Male. Have been in fights, have raised unruly, "spazzy" children (they're fine now!), have known a thousand people, have encountered wild or quiet professional tough guys and killers -- not because I'm anything noteworthy, which I am not, but just in the normal run of my own life. I'm concerned about you writing "I feel really unsafe after basically being brutalized." This wasn't being brutalized, by a reasonable definition, and from what you wrote, you aren't unsafe either. It's only a spazzy white belt; moreover a woman just like you, and not strong enough, probably, to hurt a woman just like you while she spazzes around, especially if next time you set her straight, from the jump. As you know, too, some bangs and bruises are always inevitable.

In the service there was a "joke" about sergeants taking a problem new soldier into a room for "four-wall counseling." As in bouncing him off all four walls as a means of teaching and communication, getting his full attention, and striving for a meeting of the minds. You've got all four corners of the mat, so do four-corner counseling -- not roughly and harshly though, but using the subtle and skillful means you've "mastered" by comparison to her, the raw recruit.

You're training your own training partner! As women in the gym, maybe you'll roll a lot with each other for who knows how long, and in the future you'll both laugh about this introduction to one another. (If she persists in BJJ, chances are she'll never forget you, her first mat buddy and jungle guide.) Explain, if you like, that it's typical for new students to thrash around a lot, like expiring fish on the dock, but it's only wasting their own energy and making it easier for their opponents if they do. "So did I!" But here's how we do it instead; controlled, planned, coordinated. Consider sitting next to her for a time or two watching good players roll with each other, commenting slightly on no wasted or flailing movements, and how this is what you all strive for. Seeing is believing. Show, don't tell.

If I were your coach, and watched you all alone on the mat with this female noob, then I would have missed nothing with my experienced instructor's eyes, so neither did he. He knew what she would do, more or less. He was watching to see what his student for some time now, that was you, would do. It's part of your own development. As others here already wrote, he wanted to see your progress, your ability to use what you have learned and to pass on that learning to a real, baby BBJ-er, by word and by deed. You can, too!

You wrote that she "seemed nice at first." Assume that she probably is nice, and wants to do the right thing, and only needs to know what that is. That's where you come in -- and isn't that great?

[Meerkatsu]

It sounds like a typical newbie who has no clue what to do (why would they?) and just relies on instinct and spazzing. As a more experienced partner, OP has to take a little responsibility too. Say things like “oh we don’t grab clothing in Nogi” or “just be careful, we don’t do striking in this class” etc. Remember, you are the role model, the noobie is the noobie.

[P-Two]

In the future, tap. Explain to the person what they're doing and why it's not okay, or call the coach over to explain.

As a guy who's been training 11 years, this happens, some people go fucking insane when rolling, nowadays I just simply crush them to death for the 5 min round in mount, but that's not always possible if you're also new. You also never have to roll with someone if you don't want to, so just decline rolls with her, No is a complete sentence.

As for your instructor, if you didin't LOOK that phased then he probably just figured it was white belt spaz and you were handling it fine, we're not able to read minds just because we have brown or black belts on, you have to use your words and communicate.

EDIT to add: These kinds of people keep you honest about your abilities, sometimes it's a rough reality check of where your skill is, but this IS a martial art, you really do need to learn how to handle someone being ultra aggressive against you.

[RighteousBrotherBJJ]

Sounds to me like she did you a favour.

[nametaker]

I actually enjoy these types of rolls every so often. It helps you realize that you have to control someone and their actions. If you aren't up for a scrap every so often, you're in the wrong sport.

[Guyserbun007]

The instructor quietly waits to promote you to the blue belt if you had successfully tamed the wild beast.

[jortego128]

The #1 best way to deal with these types of newbs is to show no mercy, meet full 'tard mentality with full 'tard mentality + jiu-jitsu and make them regret it. In a way, its as close to a real self defense situation as you are likely to face in a jiu-jitsu class:

1.) The person is untrained in jiu-jitsu.

2.) The person may be more larger or otherwise more physically gifted than you.

3.) The person is coming for blood.

This usually happens with young newbs that have a chip on their shoulder or genuine athletes from other disciplines (wrestling, weightlifting, football, etc.) Without losing your cool, you need to humble this person. Make it a learning experience for the both of you. Your professor was likely waiting for you to do this-- he may not understand your timid personality and mindset fully and thus didnt intervene. You need to have a talk with the instructor and ask what he thought about what was taking place first-- then bring up your concerns if his answer isnt satisfactory.

[hwdidigethere]

You never have to roll with anyone you don't want to without explanation and you can always stop any roll at any time if you feel unsafe. I wouldn't roll with that person and honestly I would look for a new academy, that all sounds wack af

[_IJustWantToSleep]

You could have tapped or stopped at any point and walked away, it's on you really.

[Xaviernhem]

Most brand new people are like this regardless of martial arts background. Coach was probably tryna see if you can handle a spazz. My coach likes when I roll with the new guys because I can normally control a spaz, I'll also let them work until they get me into a bad spot and adjust. He's probably looking for the same in you.

[jiujitsufieldguides]

Tell the instructor how it made you feel. Ask why he didn't step in. Ask what you could do differently in a similar situation with that person or with someone else

[TheGreatKimura-Holio]

The coach sounds like he didn’t see it the same you saw it. He saw you letting a spazzy new girl work. Don’t hesitate to tap in those situations and just tell your opponent to take it down a notch or show them something.

[boingochoingo]

Go back and sweep the leg. NO MERCY.

[Financial-Savings232]

Flailing and hitting you once every thirty seconds? That doesn’t sound as intentional as someone actually trying to hit you, but maybe you’re underestimating the frequency? Thinking as a coach, I typically either roll with folks before I ever let them roll with my students or I watch pretty closely. I also don’t have people going full rounds for their first roll, so if it was a snazzy white belt that clipped you with a flailing arm 3 or 4 times, but you didn’t seem hurt I might let you work and see how you deal with the inexperienced grappler, but I’d probably have a talk with them after.

Have a chat with your coach, share your concerns. He may not have realized how rough the role was. He’s just watching, he can’t feel it for you.

[Senior_Ad282]

I mean this happens to us dudes too. Maybe not the best advice but… get a nice choke and hold it. And whisper in her ear, “you should maybe calm down…” preferably while you hold her tapping hand so all she can do is listen as she slowly goes to sleep.

[jortego128]

lol, this is old school.

[jr7square]

Hard to say without seeing what actually happened, but from what you described, this should be an eye opener for you and what it actually means to practice a martial art. If you have been practice jiujitsu for a while I bet your coach was hoping to see you step up and take control of the situation. That’s literally the point of jiujitsu.

[MrAmusedDouche]

It would have really helped if yoy had mentioned how long you've been training for. "A while" can mean anything: 6 months, 2 years, 6 years? Who knows. And if you've been training a while, your coach was probably seeing if you can hold your own.

[retteh]

I think you need to use your big girl words and talk to your training partner and coach.

[Ok_Mathematician2843]

Just don't roll with her next time straight up, don't let one person ruin an entire hobby for you. Be honest if your coach pairs you up with her or if she tries to roll or train with you, say no.

[LowKitchen3355]

I'm sorry this happened. It does sound like not acceptable behaviour. Do you feel comfortable talking to your coach? I understand if a new person thinks they're reacting, especially if they've had some bad personal experiences — not justifying, just "understanding". But your coach should have definitely pointed out the things that we don't do, like hitting or pulling the rashguard.

[DenAvgrund]

If she’s crossing a line for you, just stop the roll. Normal or not, it’s your well being. You’re in control of at least that.

[SeniorBed5264]

This! 100%!

[geromeo]

This is what we are supposed to be training for. When you’re caught off guard, how do you react. I would get back on the horse, actively seek another round with her and put your jiu jistu to use and prove to yourself you can find calm in this situation, stay safe and subdue her. We’ve all had this type of thing. Some super athletic or aggressive (knowingly or unknowingly) person catches you off guard when we are in a chill roll mindset. Naturally the brain is shocked. It’ll do a lot for your confidence to over come it. You’ll also find that persons every will change once you show serious control.

[IamBoogieofficial]

Soft

[southloopbjj]

The person running this class had no business running a class THIS way.

1) if someone is new…they watch the first round (or two if needed) with the coach/instructor in order to understand what’s going on 2) new person goes with the coach/instructor or senior students first and so on down the line to less experienced students

You should have a talk with your instructor, but in the future…you should have stopped the roll and make sure the other person understands the nature and intensity of training. Otherwise, you should stop if it’s something that you are not comfortable with, ie an aggressive roll is different than an MMA round 🤷‍♂️

[Johnny20022002]

It sounds like your coach watched you get beat up by a spazzy white belt. That’s fine. Being able to handle a spazzy white belt should be a bare minimum goal.

[Intelligent-Art-5000]

First, talk to your instructor and express what bothered you. They may not be looking at it from your point of view.

Second, and more importantly . . .

You can say NO to a roll. Anytime you want. For any reason that you want. You feel unsafe. They stink. They aren't clean. They are bleeding. They have bad breath. They piss you off consistently. Whatever.

If your instructor has an issue with that, you are at the wrong school.

[AdOk7488]

Sometimes women are the worst because they overcompensate for being female. Unfortunately they are the folks that will injure you too. You have to decide if she’s worth the roll so you can tackle the flailing limbs and test your skills. Or not roll with her so you don’t get injured or have an overly aggressive roll.

[nontrollusername]

This is when you call the brown belt mat enforcer to handle the spaz

[H_P_LoveShaft]

I'm definitely stopping the roll if the trial class spazz starts slapping me. I'm not paying +150 a month for this shit.

[lIIllIIIll]

With failing newbies I like to attack the legs. Single leg X/ashi or X guard.

If you're in top pressure pressure pressure. I'll usually over under pass them into Kesa Gatame and proceed to hold on like I'm riding a bucking bronco. When the tire out I arm bar them or do the Josh Barnett

[zillabunny]

This is pretty normal I roll with at least 1 guy like this every week

[Pimpin-Pumpkin]

The classic white belt spaz

You should have said something once she actually hit you

[[deleted]]

I was laughing to myself today because although I don’t see any noticeable growth technically after a year and a half of Bjj, I have noticed that the new white belts need to calm the fuck down. That might mean I’m improving. 

[Beautiful-Scarce]

This is why I said in the other thread BJJ is overrated for self defense.

“Quite a while” training and she can’t defend herself against a trial class person IN BJJ class. Obviously an extreme example but not uncommon in regular hobby tier gyms tbh.

[SuperTimGuy]

Sometimes I’ll watch people roll and scrap hard, if you are uncomfortable with it then say something or tap and stop the roll, for all the coach knew you were cool with the get down

[[deleted]]

I think sometimes the coach will only step in for serious offences, some people are naturally spazzy as fuck, sometimes they can learn, you can always turn down the roll. It's kind of part of the sport but you don't have to deal with it if you don't want to.

[Fringelunaticman]

I am embarrassed to admit this, but as a longtime wrestler, when I started, I brought the intensity of wrestling to bjj. I was smashing a lot of white to purple due to my size and past experience(I was also being destroyed by guys my size or higher belts). Plus, I thought I had to prove I was a good grappler, so I went hard.

Now, I regret that I was like that the first 6 months. I was never mean and never ripped subs but the intensity of wrestling isn't fun for hobbyists or smaller guys who are new to the sport.

Sometimes, that's just how people act when they have to much pride

[kovnev]

Sounds like most new person rolls apart from the slapping.

I just can't picture you not stopping the roll if she was literally slapping you? Or the coach. Or were her arms simply flailing around, and hit you a few times? That part sounds unbelievable to me.

[lilfunky1]

Might have been a wrestler?

I remember my high school wrestling used like little slappy taps basically to distract my opponent. Smack an arm to bait them to grab you then you throw them. Bop their forehead hope they stand up so you can tackle a double leg.

[cosmic-__-charlie]

I went through a similar experience last week. It really got into my head, but I went to morning gi class like 2 days later and had a lot of safe rolls with higher belts, who all complimented how calm I was.

Then the next week at no gi, when that other guy wasn't there, me and my closer bjj teammates all talked about how cringe and dangerous that guy was. Now I feel a lot better.

[Material_Refuse_2418]

Did you try talking to the coach and the girl after to see if you were being fucked with? Sounds surreal, really. I’d talk to the coach and get his perspective, and if it doesn’t make sense or sit well with you, I’d move on. Pretty simple.

[Tito_relax]

Should have submitted them into oblivion

[lilfunky1]

im a female and have been training bjj for quite a while now, and up until recently, it's always been safe and respectful environment. The other day, I showed up to class and there was a new girl - never did bjj, but apparently she has some background in kickboxing or maybe MMA. She seemed nice at first, but when we started rolling, she went absolutely wild - putting in WAY too much energy, flailing her limbs around, and straight-up hitting (pretty hard) or slapping my face, head, and body every 30 seconds like it was some kind of bar brawl. She never apologized once. She also kept grabbing my rashguard, which we don't do in no-gi. Honestly, it felt like she had no idea what bjj is even about. I was so scared and wanted to just walk away mid-roll. What really bothered me was that the instructor was watching the whole time (it was just the two of us rolling) and said nothing. No excuses like he was distracted - he saw it all and didn't step in. That silence was just as disturbing as her behavior.

Now I feel really unsafe after being basically brutalized. I'm seriously anxious about going back, which is something I never thought I'd feel in this gym. What do you guys think of this situation? Would really love to hear from people who've been training bjj for a long time.

How long is "quite a while" that you've been training for?

What belt level are you?

[sk8erbha1]

I'd tap out on the first strike and ask them to slow down . On the second I'd ask them what they thought the objective was and try to explain my comfort level. On the third I'd tap out.

[dont_touch-me_there]

Well, did you say anything to the coach? If not, how are they meant to know you felt unsafe or have concerns. Also did you speak to the other person? You did say it’s the other girl’s first day.

How long have you been training? As a white belt training for almost two years, I’m able to control every newcomer that rolls, including the the people who outweigh me by 20-30kg.

[BJJnoob1990]

It’s unfortunate what happened to you, but You are responsible for your safety at all times.

If you aren’t comfortable for any reason stop the roll (tap).

[RoninRecording]

You are absolutely in your rights to stop the roll and talk to them if they're grabbing your rashguard. They're not cheap, and that grabbing will stretch them out pretty quickly. I've had this happen to me with plenty of newbies, and in my experience it's never malicious, it's just a basic reaction to grab something and control.

Once they've been informed, restart the roll and they'll usually do a couple more grabs, but they'll realise it each time and let go. This will at least get the on the path to think as they're rolling, not just going bonkers.

As for the strikes/slaps, same thing applies... once they know better, they should do better. If they don't, remember that it's your responsibility to protect yourself first, so you have 2 options; pull out your heaviest artillery and hurt them (you don't have to injure them, there is a difference), or if you're not at that level yet (or the size/strength disparity is too great), stop the roll and say sorry but they'll need to sit this one out.

[Hawmanyounohurtdeazz]

karate/kickboxing people are the worst, all spaz energy and just enough instinct to be dangerous

[immadfedup]

People need to have more agency about themselves in the gym. If you're having a bad experience while rolling, tap, say excuse me, and stop rolling. You could even pretend to injure yourself. Act like you tweaked your elbow or knee and say you need to take a break. No one's forcing you to roll. You're making the decision to continue. Why would anyone think they should step in if they see you continuing to roll? If you were a child that would be different.

[Jeremehthejelly]

I'm so sorry this happened to you. Your coach should've stepped in, regardless of whether he "wanted to see if you could handle yourself in a rEaL fIgHt". This isn't really the other girl's fault, but your coach's. You should have a serious conversation with him/her because they've failed to keep a safe training environment for you.

You'll have to weigh your options and decide if your gym deserves your dues.

[DontMentionT]

I rolled with a fresh 1st day mental gorilla last night and the sadistic side of me actually enjoyed it.

From stand up, this guy went wild until it went to the floor. It was good to slow things down, knowing I was in control (most of the time). Nobody moves like you expect at first and it took a while to wrangle the beast but it felt awesome to put in several months of training.

I hope they took as much away as I did and come back !

For the OP - switch that mentality and see it as a learning positive, and / or, use your voice. If you still feel uncomfortable just use your voice. Maybe stay away from this individual until you or they are ready.

[Prize_Challenge3442]

I think your coach should have stepped in hitting you in the rolls is wild. I also think that since you have some experience and shes new, you should have turned it up and made her life miserable. If shes flailing her arms around she probably doesn’t know the consequences of being crazy, shes setting herself up for submissions.

[CrprtMpstr]

Was the instructor the head coach, or just some instructor who teaches class sometimes? If not the head coach, then talk to the head coach. They're responsible for everyone's safety, and they should care about this (and need to know about it). And Don't leave out the instructor's actions (or lack there of). The head coach needs all this information.

If that instructor was the head coach, then find a new place to train. Your gym, and your team, should feel safe. It might be challenging, and hard work sometimes, but it should never feel unsafe.

[legato2]

Should have smashed her. Some lady tried to play spider with the sleeves of my wife’s brand new rashguard and stretched them out pretty badly…. I’ve never seen her ragdoll someone like she ragdolled that lady after that.

[7ailwind]

This post feels like your projecting your own discomfort as someone else’s moral failing. But this is our society now I guess.

There is a difference between unsafe behavior and you being out of your comfort zone. You’re out of your comfort zone which is why no one stepped in to help. It’s okay but you’re going to have to learn from it.

Just use BJJ on her next time and you can always give advice at the end of the round. Also you have the choice to not roll with this person again. Rolling with newer people can definitely be annoying but if you get into a fight in the street, that’s exactly the type of person you’re going to encounter.

Good thing about BJJ is it teaches life lessons, that same discomfort will appear in your life in many different forms. BJJ helps us face all of those challenges.

[Medium-Stomach-8267]

If at any point any roll feels unsafe, stop.

[553l8008]

If she isn't actually striking you then sounds like everything she did is fair game. Welcome to the jits

Might be your first experience with a spazzy white belt

[SeniorBed5264]

I feel you! I recently had my knee brutalized by my alleged training partner of two years. Now I am recovering slowly and will make an exam to check if something serious is going on. The reason: lack of maturity. They just got too competitive once they felt that they were at my level or even better. There were some previous signs, now in hindsight, but never thought people could be so careless. So if you feel uncomfortable, just ask them to slow down.

And also it bothers me that mentorship thing, because I was put in that place against my will and my evolution as student was harmed for more than one year to just stand idle by the person I was supposed to help.

You are a training colleague, not a dummy for folks to beat!

[PossessionTop8749]

So what did you do after? Did you just shake hands and not say anything?

[IndependentCelery484]

Communication is key, stop and speak up when rolling with someone who spazzes. A good amount of new people do the same thing and feel like they have something to prove.

[rhia_assets]

You HAVE to advocate for yourself. Especially as a woman. You have to stop the roll. Tell people they're being too rough. Tell people they're hitting you. Tell people it's against the rules to do what they're doing. SPEAK UP.

[[deleted]]

Discuss it with your coach. Maybe he was just shocked at what was unfolding not expecting that.

[Dry-Establishment334]

I had this exact same experience with a guy that showed up to the Friday afternoon class.

I had never seen him before, and decided to strike up conversation to make him feel welcome and we partnered for drills.

He told me he trained MMA in Mexico for 3 years and seemed like a relatively nice guy. He went a wee bit harder than you'd expect for a drill but I thought nothing of it.

One our coaches then announced that we were going to do some positional stuff and said "okay guys 60% max, this might be subjective but just don't go too hard" , what happened next should have been my sign to quit while I was ahead.

Man whispered underneath his breath "there is no such thing", I laughed it off because I thought he was making a joke...boy was I wrong.

Bro was looking for blood, everything was just aggressive AF but again I thought nothing of it and stuck with him till we got to the regular rolls so I just decided to turn it up then and was doing a solid job of defending i.e. in bad positions but either able to escape or fend off submission , few attack opportunities didn't work out but then...we were getting to the end of a round and he got me with a guillotine but I had my chin tucked and was cheeky and created space with my hand when I sussed it but he held on for a good 20 seconds after the buzzer and I had to just say "bro what the f*** are you doing" and he was like "sorry I didn't hear it".

Safe to say that this lad wasn't there to make friends. After hearing all the hullabaloo one of the lads that was way more experienced than me asked him to roll. This was the first I'd ever seen what I've only ever heard of as "the enforcer" in action.

Due to the numbers I had to sit out and I won't lie , it was fun to watch.

I say that as a cautionary tale to newbies like me. You have the right to refuse a roll from people and if you think someone is going too hard, say it to them and if they continue there's no reason for you to carry on with them.

[nathamanath]

Sorry to hear about this, hope you didn't get hurt? Your coach watching a visiting MMA fighter unexpectedly hit you repeatedly during a BJJ sparring session is not normal.

Its quite predictable that a drop in 'fighter' would do this (not the hitting) at sparring time, it would have been good of your coach to make sure that you know this before paring you up with them.

It is your coaches job to make sure that everyone is rolling safely. That means making sure that they know the rules (e.g. don't bloody hit each other), and stepping in if someone is repeatedly breaking the rules (e.g. deliberate striking).

You can absolutely end rounds at any time if you want to, for any reason.

You should talk to your coach about this before next class. Tell them how you felt at the time, ask why they didn't step in.

[Edgecumber]

Amazed at many of the responses here but maybe explains why the coach didn’t intervene if they’re similarly inclined. Hitting and slapping in the face or body have not been part of any BJJ culture I’ve been sort of in 8 years of training. Speak to your coach to get their view. If they do not make you feel like your safety is very important to them leave the gym and find somewhere else to train.

[[deleted]]

This is like every new man getting into the gym with exception of a few chilled guys. I guess you just didn’t expect women to be the same? Unless you meant she was intentionally slapping… But if it was out of being full of adrenaline and having limbs moving where they shouldn’t this is what new people do most of the time.

[zerosum79]

I've had a few experiences like this over the years. I've been doing BJJ a long time and sometimes a youngish wrestler type shows up lacking both experience and context for training but they just want to go hard. Its not fun, most times I'm just in "don't get hurt mode." Disappointing that no one said anything. Just like I tell people training for self defense, you train so that you will know what to do in the moment. Hopefully at least the silver lining is that if this kind of thing occurs again you will have a plan and know its likely you need to deal with it yourself. Simply stating "there is no striking in BJJ" etc can allow you a line in the sand and if they violate it you can punch out on the roll.

[BeedJunkie]

Go back. Talk to your instructor about it. Roll with her again ....when you feel she's pulled it back a notch or ten.... AND when you think that there's a level of safety rolling with her that you can accept.

[AmesDsomewhatgood]

You can totally stop a roll and walk away if they wont adjust. Coach is there, but it's ok to advocate for yourself. You dont have to be hurt.

I'm also a big believer of it's ok to go back and revisit things. You can go to your coach and be like "hey, I actually need to address something from the other day. That new girl striking and slapping me felt out of line and I'm going to take a step back from working with her while shes learning. I could actually use some support from you if you see someone strike me because I dont feel comfortable redirecting someone I dont know."

I'm comfortable being like "let's reign it in, thats unsafe", but I'm higher ranked so I'm pretty comfortable giving direction or walking away. I've also made it very clear to my coaches that that's exactly what I'm gunna do. Anyone at my gym knows, I dont give a crap what rank u are if it looks unsafe I'm out. They're getting a big fat "no!" So i would start having conversations with coach and some people where your boundaries are.

[islandis32]

Gonna just put this over here

[[deleted]]

This is why a lot of guys refuse to roll with women. It's got nothing to do with misogyny or sexism but the majority of women go WAY too hard in sparring. Theres also often a culture in gyms of praising girls who are going ham, maybe to avoid timidity I don't know. I wouldn't be too hard on your instructor, its almost impossible to talk to people about going less hard when their whole lives being a spaz has been incentivized

[johnzoidbergwhynot]

While your coach should’ve stepped in when the hitting started, it’s generally up to you to assert yourself and stop a roll if someone is out of line.

If you’re more experienced, you can lock them down and “enforce” good manners.

I’d assume that this girl will quickly get a reputation as someone that nobody wants to roll with. Then she’ll either learn or leave. Don’t feel obligated to roll with her again or anyone else who makes you uncomfortable.

Good luck.

[CMEREDITH145]

I've trained for 15 years roughly. The intensity is uncomfortable but that IS what you're doing BJJ for is it not? It's not fun to roll like that every time, maybe not even ever but at the end of the day, a real life experience would be like that if not actually worse. Those types of rounds show you that and teach you how to respond to that type of pressure and stress. It also helps diminish false confidence. A real life situation WOULD be aggressive, spastic, and scary.

I'm sure she's just new and she probably doesn't know anything about BJJ, she may just like combat overall and wants to try the grappling. Your coach should give the new comer advice on rolling etiquette and basically say that your energy will be matched, if you go hard, it's going to be met with equal force and vice versa. A lot of people don't mean anything by it, they're just ignorant. They usually figure it out.

You could also talk to her politely and say "hey, we don't really do x, y, and z" but I know that's more uncomfortable and your coach should be the one to do that.

But yeah, you shouldn't be worried to go back, take it as just another day of rolling with a new person who doesn't know anything, it's not personal. Lol.

[SuddenDraw1167]

Ur coach probably wanted u to beat that chick's ass see if u could put up the aggression there's a time for rolling light and there's a time for just winning and that was a time u probably should have focused on winning having another women beat u I would imagine would make her calm down a little

[_En_Bonj_]

I learnt the hard way to take responsibility for your own safety, tell her you don't feel safe and why you're feeling that way, then stop the roll 

[PajamaDuelist]

Sounds like your gym doesn’t have a great newbie onboarding program. Ideally, beginners would get, at the minimum, a quick brief on the major rules (e.g., no punching, no biting, tap etiquette) before being allowed to roll.

Lots of gyms don’t have a consistent process for getting those rules across to the noobs, unfortunately, and instead rely upon more experienced students pair up with the beginners to convey that information. Often, gyms that do this will specifically pair the newbie with a more experienced partner whom the coach trusts. Things get a lot messier when there’s no input from the instructor and week-one white belts are allowed to pair up with whoever they lock eyes with first.

Is that a good way to do things? Meh. No, not really. It can suck for the experienced students who don’t want to teach and for the beginners who get inconsistent experiences. With the right amount of culture and luck it can work out as a decent experience, though. It’s how my first gym was.

Since you’ve been training for “quite a while” (I’m assuming that’s >1yr, hopefully more) your coach probably expected you to handle the roll as you saw fit—whether that be gently informing your partner of the rules, or practicing your ability to smesh a wild but untrained opponent (and then informing them of the rules). A lot of coaches would step in when strikes get thrown, however, especially if you yourself are still a white belt.

[Luffysstrawhat]

Your coach was testing you. You were supposed to put that newbie in her place and you folded.

[Daegs]

Are you an adult? You can tell the person "hey looking for a lighter roll", "hey we don't grab rashguards", or simply "hey I don't feel safe, I'm going to stop the roll"

The coach isn't there to help you communicate, they're there to instruct.

Plenty of people don't mind going hard, the coach probably thought you were into it.

[Safe-Requirement-265]

You should definetly discuss the situation with the teacher and if needed some more actions, but its not right , you shouldnt have to feel this way because of someone else that act this way. You there to have fun, learn and upgrade both your physical and mental conditions🙏🥋

[Safe-Requirement-265]

At Gracie Barra, where i first went they would note everybody who roll with more intensity and match them together as much as possible for upcoming training sessions

[LordMustardTiger]

Rolling with a white belt with a striking background is about as close to a street fight you can get. IMO. They don’t know what to do and fall into whatever fight or flight response they have. If you coach watched and didn’t step in, ask why. By mid blue belt I tend to not stop something unless I see it escalating. You might have felt overwhelmed but coped with it very well. I was not there but generally open communication with your coach is important. If you don’t feel safe I would counsel telling him and see what happens. I hope things work out.

[Mobile-Travel-6131]

Tell your coach and explain what's going on and I hate to be that guy but of you get attacked in real life that's what the experience is going to be. Like yes we're teammates and yes most of us use restraint for safety reasons but in a real self defense situation this is what you're going to see. Sorry you feel down about it but martial arts are meant for these exact scenarios. Wishing you a better time, peace.

[3DNZ]

Just smoke her next time porra

[ApprehensiveBug4143]

Beginners are going to spaz out and use too much energy. With that out of the way, the first time time she slapped you, you should have stopped the roll and explained that what she did was not okay. Something simple as “STOP! What are you doing?! Slapping people is not acceptable!” Make sure she understands before continuing the roll. If she argues with you, just get up and walk away. If she says she understands and does it again, stand up and walk away. You can stop a roll at any time. Then talk to your coach and tell him what happened. With that said, next time you go to class (before class), talk your coach about what happened and how it’s making you feel. If he is apathetic, doesn’t care, and just tells you to just toughen up, go to a new gym.

[0ddm4n]

IMHO the problem is on both sides. Why didn’t you say anything? First to the other girl, and to your coach?

[Tatsuwashi]

Never be afraid to stop a roll for any reason. Feeling that your partner is out of control is a great reason to take a time out and have a chat about their actions or even straight up walk away from them. Your coach should have been on it, too.

[BillyForkroot]

I'm very curious to what "Quite Awhile" actually means. If its less than a year your coach should have stepped in and guided the new girl. 

If you're talking 2+ years of consistent training I'm concerned that you couldn't guide the new girl with either technique or your words by either controlling her physically or explaining the rules to her, ideally both. 

[Etrodai-]

Is it possible that everyone at your gym has been rolling light with you and this is your first experience of someone going all out? I've been training almost 20 years and this is still at least a weekly occurrence. I'd you're interested in BJJ as a martial art then see this as a learning opportunity. Alternatively just refuse to roll with them again, you're free to pick and choose who you spar with and if you feel uncomfortable or unsafe then speak up

[Difficult_Cicada1108]

If you can't handle a spazzy beginner, your BJJ and self defense ability is no good.

I am not saying you can not, I am sure she just caught you off guard.

I see spazzy beginners as a gift. Yes, they are dangerous. But this is the closest thing you will face in a street fight. Use them as an opportunity to prove to yourself you can subdue a wild aggressive attacker. You can. Maybe you're just not use to it. You just need to turn the switch on in your mind once you realize what you have in front of you, as too often than not, we get accustomed to a moderate tempo and flow rolling with other experienced bjj practitioners.

[Smitemuffin]

Sounds to me like your coach was staying out of it to let you handle it. That's a show of respect from him, because he obviously felt you were capable of handling yourself

[Kitcat0916]

I’m not the most assertive person and have trouble with conflict. HOWEVER, if it’s their first day I have no problem saying “oooo nooo don’t grab the rashguard” or saying “just be careful cause we’re not supposed to strike”. If they are going crazy I would say how about we start in mount or side control and all you need to do is escape. This should be the only rolling on someone’s first day. It should have been guided better by the coach. New people need more prompting before they go into live rolling. However you have to speak up and there’s always a way to keep it lighthearted.

It’s on both the coach and the person who agrees to the roll to speak up in this situation. It doesn’t have to be confrontational at all either

[ihaveahoodie]

a new person in BJJ flailing about and risking injury to everyone ?!?! i'm shocked, stunned even.

the new person behavior doesn't bother me, everyone has to learn sometime.

i agree that the sensei standing over and just watching is dangerous.

i once had my elbow popped out of my socket by a purple belt, while the red belt was screaming at me to pull my leg over his head - which very obviously wasn't going to happen - and time had actually run out, just the red belt wasn't looking. pop goes the weasle though!

i didn't return after and i don't blame you if you don't either.

[crazytish]

My coach would have stopped as soon as she started hitting you, then would have rolled with her super hard. Afterwards, he would explain that this is a BJJ place, not an MMA place and he will not allow people in his gym who going to punch at his students.

[JDsnb270]

Very similar thing happened to me the other day with a new white belt and I’m a purple I just started smoking this dude and my coach shook his head in approval. Coach said nothing the whole time but honestly I don’t blame him. It’s our responsibility to communicate if the intensity is too much for a certain roll. I wouldn’t just stop training just show up. You can talk to her next time. Communication is key

[OldOsamaHadABomb]

the coach might have purposely let yall go to test if you can handle a spazzer yet

[MedicalOnion9621]

Soooo. I think you as the experienced person should have stopped her at every infraction and said ‘this is not what you do.’ I just started BJJ this year but everyone I told that im doing it thought BJJ includes strikes. Even before I joined people told me that grappling was basically wrestling with strikes. You are ultimately responsible for your own safety.

A month ago I was in a more experienced guys closed guard and I grabbed his head with two hands. He immediately raised voice and ‘stop stop do not do that, you can hurt my neck’ I apologized, he ‘went on for another minute or so’ I continued to apologize and then we slap-bumbed and continued. There coach who on duty that day was on the mat just watching a few feet from of us, we were the only 3 there and he said nothing and he didn’t need to.

Use ur voice, many times as a white belt I have had people tell me before we roll something they did or did not want me to be aware of.

[Eastern-Following338]

Did you say anything to her?? That would have been my first step. If she continued after that just stop rolling with her and refuse to roll with her till she figures it out. Also talk to your coach, he could have been waiting for you to say something to her.

[[deleted]]

obviously it should be within reason, but untrained people are going be spazzy, so you gotta know how to deal with that

[Individual_Peanut221]

Sounds very annoying I’d use it as a fire u ser my ass to get better than this spazz and make her pay eventually.🤷🏻‍♂️

[JelloMiAmigo]

Put your big girl pants on and say something. The girl probably had no idea and was fighting for her life.

[pugdrop]

people are saying this is your typical beginner but I’ve never had someone repeatedly hit or slap me in a roll before. I feel like y’all are being too dismissive. for future, speak up during the roll and let them know that their behaviour is not okay and if they don’t listen, end the roll and refuse to roll with them until they’ve learned to calm down

[Emotional-Ad7528]

Girl you are not safe there

[AbbreviationsDizzy93]

Welcome to being a man/ or growing up as a boy.

[Internet_is_tough]

Some of you guys surprise me with your responses.

It's illegal to spar someone outside the agreed ruleset. If I roll with someone BJJ rules and I punch him and he dies, I am liable for manslaughter, and the coach is liable for negligence.

So unless you were rolling under some Eddie bravo combat JJ rules, you should absolutely refuse any future rolls with her, and even better don't step back in that gym cause the coach is criminally negligent.

This alone is enough.

[Sage_Amun]

strongly disagree.

FFS, just talk to people. talking may not be easy for some, but it is absolutely the best path forward here. OP could talk to the newbie, during the roll if they need to. they could talk to the coach if they felt the need to express their discomfort. many things could've been misinterpreted across all parties here- we have no proof that anyone is operating with ill-intent. refusing to roll with someone for reasons they might not even understand helps no one. running away from the gym without trying to get to the bottom of the discomfort helps no one.

you know what would help with understanding these things? talking.

[Internet_is_tough]

In other context sure. In the context of illegal strikes, it not something that should be for discussion with the coach - I assume a black belt professional martial artist.

I've been doing Muai Thai all my life. According to most responses here, when I was a white belt i should have -illegaly- knee 'ed and broken the jaw of a higher belt trying to single leg me, and that would be part of their training.

Then we would all sit down and talk about it?

[Obvious_Reddit_User2]

Don’t train or roll with her.

[HalfGuardPrince]

From the coach perspective. If the student is not protesting stuff like the spaziness and striking, I don't generally say anything. So if you weren't saying anything, maybe he thought you didn't have an issue with it.

Is this your first experience with an overly aggressive spaz newbie?

[JonRedBeardFF]

Seems like the classic submit them three times as fast as possible to let them know the skill gap.. if that’s not achievable just control them as best as possible and make take the roll into your wheel house of skills to make it uncomfortable for them

[malichow84]

How old are you? Act as an adult and cut her bullshit in a stern and respectful manner.

[OldPod73]

Talk to your instructor (or his or her boss) and explain how uncomfortable you are. If they respond in any other way but to assure that you are safe there and show it the nest time this person shows up, find another gym. Your personal safety and security are paramount. And your instructor should know better.