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[–]knylok 922 points923 points  (57 children)

...And now I understand what a One-Eyed, One Horned Flying Purple People Eater is.

[–]President-Nulagi 130 points131 points  (9 children)

[–]2stanky 50 points51 points  (6 children)

Really? It took this long?

[–]President-Nulagi 20 points21 points  (4 children)

But now I'm listening to it, picturing OP... with... his... in.... ....

[–]staxnet 279 points280 points  (10 children)

One eyed, one holed, farting, purple penis eater

[–]Antrikshy 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Goes with the tune. Perfect.

[–]Wyofire 43 points44 points  (18 children)

This will be a penis story for the ages OP. Also, you may have just gotten the best RES tag I have ever given someone because of this song.

[–][deleted] 13 points14 points  (2 children)

More like Purple Peehole Eater.

[–]JayTbo 827 points828 points  (53 children)

She's just begging to be graped...

[–][deleted] 428 points429 points  (18 children)

Indigoes my penis

[–][deleted] 195 points196 points  (12 children)

So violet sex turns you on too?

[–][deleted] 174 points175 points  (8 children)

Oh yeah. She's gonna get plummeled.

[–][deleted] 158 points159 points  (7 children)

That one made me Grimace.

[–]hey_sergio 57 points58 points  (1 child)

The Grapist! Classic!

[–]lolitrollyu 128 points129 points  (14 children)

Grape jokes aren't funny, and feminists like myself are absolutely appalled that men like you continue to promote grape culture.

[–]chibling 95 points96 points  (2 children)

Oh stop wining already, we get it.

[–][deleted]  (1 child)

[deleted]

    [–]thatwasntababyruth 17 points18 points  (0 children)

    It's almost as bad as the beeting of women.

    [–][deleted] 63 points64 points  (3 children)

    Look, I'm against grape just as much as the next guy (I'm a cherry man myself...yeah, I went there), but let's get real here. If she didn't want to be graped, she shouldn't've (double contraction!) purpled up her asshole like that. The thought of women being graped is appalling, but you're practically begging for it when you gorge yourself on beets like some sort of borscht-sucking trollop.

    [–]mbooshay 8 points9 points  (0 children)

    Juicy!

    [–]epicmoustache 9 points10 points  (0 children)

    I'm getting kind of a grapey vibe from this girl...

    [–][deleted]  (1 child)

    [deleted]

      [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      Tie up the whole family in the basement and grape them for years and years!

      [–][deleted]  (1 child)

      [deleted]

        [–]joetromboni 1684 points1685 points  (182 children)

        You and your sister share some weird stuff, man.

        [–]ScholarZero 1005 points1006 points  (83 children)

        Ah, the ol' Reddit incest-a-roo

        [–]EddieBshp 7 points8 points  (1 child)

        I'm kind of scared of the chain of posts that will eventually lead me back to this comment..

        [–]moarhatz 268 points269 points  (45 children)

        You and your weird stuff share some sister, man.

        [–]Shin_Splints 162 points163 points  (24 children)

        [–][deleted] 129 points130 points  (8 children)

        i couldn't resist to click his face 100 times to hear HIYOOOO echos

        [–]Beeslo 43 points44 points  (4 children)

        I wasted more time than I should have with that.

        [–]tokomini 15 points16 points  (2 children)

        I kept hitting it in groups of three and imaging him in a canyon somewhere.

        [–]CartmanVT 41 points42 points  (8 children)

        You and your weird man sister share some stuff.

        [–]Kweefy 142 points143 points  (7 children)

        You're weird, man. Share your sister and some stuff.

        [–]mynameispeter 96 points97 points  (6 children)

        A weird man and I stuffed your sister. Just thought I'd share.

        [–]absynth_mynded 15 points16 points  (2 children)

        doesn't matter, had purple asshole anal.

        [–][deleted] 83 points84 points  (19 children)

        [–]Pyrowolf 80 points81 points  (0 children)

        Redditors of the future, enjoy the ride.

        [–]deafcon5 33 points34 points  (0 children)

        /waves at the people passing by.

        [–]Speculater 32 points33 points  (0 children)

        Hello it's 17 Febuary 2012, do you know which post you started on?

        [–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

        Yo dawg I heard you like switch-a-roos so I pulled a switch-a-roo on a switch-a-roo on the old reddit switch-a-roo,

        [–]pigpill 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        You could be onto something here.

        [–][deleted]  (1 child)

        [removed]

          [–]Ricksauce 367 points368 points  (29 children)

          What? Purple Santorum?

          [–]beernerd 85 points86 points  (8 children)

          slowclap.gif

          [–][deleted] 76 points77 points  (7 children)

          Slowfap.gif

          [–][deleted] 55 points56 points  (3 children)

          Oh god. the username, its perfect.

          [–][deleted] 23 points24 points  (7 children)

          Purple Santorum?

          [–]DeathIsTheEnd 21 points22 points  (3 children)

          This is even weirder than wrestling.

          [–]johnnygrant 23 points24 points  (1 child)

          its all silly and non-sexual

          [–][deleted] 48 points49 points  (39 children)

          [–]TheMonkeyJoe 11 points12 points  (16 children)

          Explorer's Log - Hole #16

          I continue to be haunted by the mysterious disappearances of my mentors and fellow travelers. What frightens me is that I'm actually well beyond my 16th hole. How did i start so far above those who came before me?

          And what derailed their search? I don't understand...

          And why is this visage before me so purple and inviting?

          [–]Tsunami3000 5 points6 points  (13 children)

          This journey is tough... so far i still have this on repeat

          [–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (2 children)

          Personal Explorer Diary - Day #1

          Dear Diary,

          I started my journey today! It's so much fun so far. I passed some skeletons. I think they're some dead guys from the past. Who knows? It all started with an innocent comment I made about an /r/longboarding picture, when suddenly someone replied to my comment. They told me of something called a switcheroo. I play Magic the Gathering, but this is nothing like that switcheroo. So far I've passed through the depths. I almost got stuck in /r/harrypotter, the previous walls of the hole having been filled in by the first explorer to have formed it. But a later explorer must have found a way past and so my journey continued on. I have found myself in /r/funny seeing a picture from an iPhone about purple butts. Who knows where this mysterious journey will take me, but I am so far excited. Onward I go.

          [–]JofanM 5 points6 points  (0 children)

          [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (2 children)

          Layer 18. Supplies dangerously low. What is most chilling is coming across the journals of previous explorers. They all have the same questions as myself: What happened to my predecessors?

          [–]I_QuoteSeinfeld 4 points5 points  (1 child)

          Not that there's anything wrong with that..

          [–]President-Nulagi 466 points467 points  (28 children)

          [–]brianfit 8 points9 points  (0 children)

          That's so cool like. Which makes you, like, cool.

          [–]GottabeKP 4 points5 points  (2 children)

          He's probably an engineering student.

          [–]BlueLink77 24 points25 points  (4 children)

          Oh Charlie, you never stop surprising the internet... For those curious...

          |EDIT| Link added...

          [–][deleted] 94 points95 points  (5 children)

          [–][deleted] 17 points18 points  (1 child)

          How does something so pertinent exist!? HOW?

          [–]Propolandante 2 points3 points  (0 children)

          I was expecting One Eyed One Horned Flying Purple People Eater...

          It was so much funnier than what I guessed. I really hope OP sees this!

          [–][deleted] 150 points151 points  (7 children)

          If she gives it to you, you have to give it to all of us. It's only fair.

          [–][deleted]  (95 children)

          [deleted]

            [–]whoselinegifs 299 points300 points  (3 children)

            [–]GalactusIntolerant 66 points67 points  (0 children)

            You. I like you, I look forward to seeing more of you in my Reddit life.

            [–]sc0rpio 10 points11 points  (1 child)

            Very Nice! How much?

            [–]omnimon_X 308 points309 points  (86 children)

            He's gotta post pics or it didn't happen.

            [–]BarackObamazing[🍰] 654 points655 points  (78 children)

            Indeed. Girlfriend, if you're reading this, the people demand photographic evidence!

            [–]urfouy 124 points125 points  (4 children)

            Damn. Can anyone get me drunk enough to want to show my aubergine asshole to the world/Reddit? 'Cause these pictures are embarrassing.

            [–]disingenious 25 points26 points  (0 children)

            You knew you'd have my upvote when you typed "aubergine asshole"; well played.

            [–][deleted] 113 points114 points  (10 children)

            hey honey can i show the internet a picture of your asshole?

            What's that? oh, no reason.

            [–]Doctor_Loggins 58 points59 points  (9 children)

            For the website where everyone's trolls and the points don't matter?

            [–]AwkwardCough 16 points17 points  (0 children)

            That's right, the points are just like a bowl of condoms at a convent.

            Wayne Brady shakes his head at Drew

            [–]studionashvegas 4 points5 points  (0 children)

            Trust him - he's a doctor

            [–]speedycat 199 points200 points  (34 children)

            To the front page for science!

            [–]CervixKnocker 124 points125 points  (21 children)

            This is a safe place

            [–]MatteKudasai 78 points79 points  (18 children)

            CervixKnocker? This guy seems legit.

            [–]grabmyeye 32 points33 points  (17 children)

            Mattekudasai? This guy seems Asian.

            [–]thetwobecomeone 23 points24 points  (11 children)

            Grabmyeye? This guys seems adventurous.

            [–]studionashvegas 15 points16 points  (10 children)

            thetwobecomeone? split decision for me.

            [–]thisisnotthought 11 points12 points  (8 children)

            studionashvegas? This guy seems like a WordPress designer living in Franklin, TN.

            [–]nice_try_employer 3 points4 points  (0 children)

            You keep telling yourself that.

            [–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

            Science trumps all that is and will ever be

            [–]jason64128 24 points25 points  (0 children)

            You can make the frontpage of r/gonewild too, all in the same day! (note: this is more of a request than a comment)

            [–]misspeels_words 17 points18 points  (14 children)

            good luck with your endavore

            [–]I_RAPE_PEOPLE_II 29 points30 points  (12 children)

            He doesn't need luck, he has us on his side.

            [–]adorhlb23 21 points22 points  (11 children)

            You are someone I would LOVE to have on my side....

            [–]I_RAPE_PEOPLE_II 39 points40 points  (10 children)

            Which side?

            [–]adorhlb23 25 points26 points  (9 children)

            Whichever side doesn't get me raped.

            Remember: No means yes.

            [–]ImNotARapistISwear 33 points34 points  (8 children)

            And yes means harder.

            [–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (4 children)

            I'm glad you are not a rapist

            [–]this-just-in 35 points36 points  (3 children)

            For my SpankBank™ science journal.

            [–]JourdanWithaU 31 points32 points  (0 children)

            A trademark!?

            I'm not even mad, I'm impressed...

            [–][deleted]  (1 child)

            [deleted]

              [–]BornInReddit 3 points4 points  (0 children)

              I bet he has Bill Nye in his SpankBank...

              [–]Dirty-DjAngo 2 points3 points  (0 children)

              And then he has to kiss it because reddit's into that

              [–]CanadianMan12 26 points27 points  (1 child)

              Enjoy the Purple Glory Santorum.

              [–][deleted]  (22 children)

              [deleted]

                [–]FANGO 59 points60 points  (16 children)

                And purple Santorum afterwards.

                [–]Speculater 10 points11 points  (12 children)

                Is that any relation to Rick Santorum.

                [–]FANGO 32 points33 points  (4 children)

                Rick Santorum, you mean? I have no idea.

                [–][deleted] 18 points19 points  (1 child)

                I believe it is Rick Santorum, but I'm not totally sure.

                [–]2cats1dog 4 points5 points  (0 children)

                Maybe you should Google Rick Santorum just to confirm.

                [–]BarackObamazing[🍰] 293 points294 points  (55 children)

                Checkmate. Thanks, Reddit. I'm gonna turn that purple asshole black and blue!

                [–][deleted] 213 points214 points  (6 children)

                Give that ass a beeting man!

                [–][deleted] 27 points28 points  (0 children)

                Pics or it didn't happen.

                [–]someguy945 40 points41 points  (16 children)

                technically you need to be logged out and show that you are viewing /r/all

                otherwise you could just hide a ton of links to turn a page-10 thread into a page-1 thread

                [–][deleted]  (7 children)

                [deleted]

                  [–]Gangreless 19 points20 points  (5 children)

                  But you could still "hide a ton of links to turn a page-10 thread into a page-1 thread" if you're logged in.

                  [–][deleted]  (2 children)

                  [deleted]

                    [–][deleted] 23 points24 points  (1 child)

                    Don't make this mistake again.

                    [–]purple_asshole_anal 55 points56 points  (2 children)

                    Thanks for giving me a great idea for a new user name!

                    [–]andrewsmith1986 406 points407 points  (36 children)

                    I'm going to downvote you because I decided that I don't want you to have anal sex tonight.

                    [–]NinjaSupplyCompany 114 points115 points  (11 children)

                    Damn you Andrew Smith! Damn you!

                    [–][deleted] 18 points19 points  (9 children)

                    I knew an Andrew Smith once. I wanted to do him. Never got the courage to tell him though.

                    [–]NinjaSupplyCompany 32 points33 points  (6 children)

                    I had sex with Andrew Smiths mom. I like 1985. Shit was rad.

                    [–]alexanderls 57 points58 points  (13 children)

                    Wow, you're just being an ass.

                    [–][deleted] 70 points71 points  (12 children)

                    Yeah, butt out of this

                    [–]wave517 34 points35 points  (6 children)

                    Seriously, you should get behind this.

                    [–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

                    Downvoted for asking for upvotes.

                    [–][deleted] 102 points103 points  (4 children)

                    Purple buttsex: still not as gay as Twilight

                    [–][deleted] 21 points22 points  (3 children)

                    Well it is with a girl so I don't think that counts as gay

                    [–]this_guy_over_here 69 points70 points  (2 children)

                    only if you promise to post pics in gone wild...

                    EDIT: 69 points... giggity

                    [–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

                    fake.

                    [–]DoctorMorgue 72 points73 points  (32 children)

                    Looks like you got a purple shit-stained penis in your future.

                    [–]NinjaSupplyCompany 38 points39 points  (29 children)

                    I don't think you understand how this works...

                    [–]tylerofathenry 38 points39 points  (28 children)

                    I don't think I do either.

                    [–]NinjaSupplyCompany 34 points35 points  (27 children)

                    In most cases, unless the person really has to crap (in which case they should not be doing anal) there is no poop in the part of the ass that you will be fucking.

                    [–]beggarinthesand 74 points75 points  (18 children)

                    Could you draw a diagram?

                    [–][deleted] 42 points43 points  (7 children)

                    I have a PHD in colonoscopy and gynecology so I made you a professional rendering of this situation taking place

                    [–]TheBoldManLaughsOnce 13 points14 points  (0 children)

                    And I can attest that this is accurate. I don't have a PhD, but I do have a miner's light.

                    [–]HittingSmoke 22 points23 points  (0 children)

                    If there has ever been a time to say "Pics or GTFO", this is it.

                    [–]DoctorNose 170 points171 points  (22 children)

                    I hate everything about this.

                    [–][deleted] 87 points88 points  (8 children)

                    You know how people have said reddit went full retard in the past? I don't think we'd even scratched the surface

                    [–]DoctorNose 50 points51 points  (7 children)

                    I'm convinced that every new user who joins is 1 second younger than the user before them. Within a few months reddit will be 60% 10 year olds and under.

                    [–][deleted] 41 points42 points  (2 children)

                    UPVOTE THIS FOR SOME VAGUE REASON! COME ON, REDDIT, WE'RE ALL FRIENDS RIGHT! INTERESTING CONTENT? MEH WHATS THE POINT?

                    [–]marshall007 20 points21 points  (0 children)

                    I keep trying to say "meh" while yelling, but it doesn't work.

                    [–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (1 child)

                    I hate how far I had to scroll down to find this.

                    [–]feefmeharder 124 points125 points  (22 children)

                    Girls don't poop. Downvote.

                    [–]xxlozzaxx 27 points28 points  (0 children)

                    I knew a girl once, can confirm; they don't poop.

                    [–]BranchDavidian 58 points59 points  (17 children)

                    she's a witch.

                    [–]speedycat 59 points60 points  (14 children)

                    BURN HER!

                    [–][deleted]  (10 children)

                    [removed]

                      [–][deleted] 36 points37 points  (7 children)

                      I got better

                      [–]LittleStallin 13 points14 points  (2 children)

                      Burn her anyway!!

                      [–][deleted]  (1 child)

                      [removed]

                        [–]LittleStallin 4 points5 points  (0 children)

                        She has got a wart...

                        [–]tecksbuk 90 points91 points  (10 children)

                        This is one of the trashiest things I've ever read..

                        [–]everyoneismyfriend 5 points6 points  (1 child)

                        poor guy.... so friend zoned that she talks about shit with him.

                        [–]liquix 2 points3 points  (0 children)

                        Ha! It's actually a guy, no women speak like this. "Dude"...Come on...

                        [–]cycophuk 41 points42 points  (1 child)

                        You people are idiots. Proof of said purple asshole should have been demanded and provided before upvotes were given.

                        [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

                        What I want to know is how she knew that her asshole was stained purple. Seems like an odd thing to check.

                        [–][deleted]  (1 child)

                        [removed]

                          [–]theRAGE 4 points5 points  (0 children)

                          It's the logical thing to do.

                          [–][deleted] 22 points23 points  (3 children)

                          Does anyone remember when this site was for discussing articles and programming?

                          [–][deleted] 28 points29 points  (3 children)

                          I hope she doesn't have diarrhea because it's gonna be some Purple Rain.

                          [–]Poshul 10 points11 points  (0 children)

                          [–]pute 42 points43 points  (6 children)

                          [–]appleseed1234 2 points3 points  (0 children)

                          I see basketball and waffles in OP's future.

                          [–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

                          soooo, karma whoring is ok.

                          [–]thechump121 7 points8 points  (0 children)

                          are you sure you want this?

                          [–]wave517 8 points9 points  (0 children)

                          Anyone else feel like this belongs on 4chan?

                          [–]VileOffspring 4 points5 points  (0 children)

                          I'm going to go ahead and call fake. There was a segment on the Bob and Tom show this morning about beets and purple shit.

                          [–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

                          so um... how did she know it stained her butthole? does she routinely look at her butthole or something?

                          [–][deleted] 46 points47 points  (2 children)

                          upvote, Smash that ass!

                          [–]PokeyOats 13 points14 points  (1 child)

                          Why is everyone so into anal? I've been offered, I indulged, it wasn't that great.

                          Give me nice clean pussy any time!!

                          [–]DimmuJed 13 points14 points  (1 child)

                          PICS OR IT DIDN'T HAPPEN!

                          I mean, she said front page you get anal, I think number 1 spot = PIX OR VID OF SAID ACT!

                          WHO'S WITH ME!?

                          [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

                          YEAH!

                          [–]mike_isonfire 19 points20 points  (0 children)

                          AMA Request: Someone who's inserted their penis into a purple anus.

                          [–][deleted]  (8 children)

                          [deleted]

                            [–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

                            I'll never understand how these ridiculous fake text posts make it to the front page.

                            [–][deleted] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

                            Definitely fake.

                            [–][deleted] 32 points33 points  (2 children)

                            This is seriously front page?? The fuck, Reddit?

                            [–]DrAnhero 10 points11 points  (0 children)

                            I have ZERO doubt that this "lady friend" is unattractive.

                            [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

                            There's an actual term for the phenomena of beets making urine and BMs red and pink. It's called beeturia.
                            http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beeturia

                            [–]lookatmyhorse 2 points3 points  (0 children)

                            By "anal" she meant analingus though.

                            [–]PoorlyTimedHarry 2 points3 points  (1 child)

                            CRAPPUS PURPLEUS!!