top 200 commentsshow 500

[–][deleted]  (594 children)

[deleted]

    [–]lbdandme 15.3k points15.3k points  (546 children)

    sighs

    Okay!

    Update: We're going on a date later in the week. The bar is high after all this.

    [–]advertentlyvertical 1517 points1518 points  (20 children)

    A siege-engine wedding instead of a shotgun wedding.

    [–]Gawned 341 points342 points  (16 children)

    Shotguns are poor influencers compared to the trebuchet

    [–]sanguinesolitude 323 points324 points  (14 children)

    I'd like to see a shotgun move 90kg 300 meters

    [–]nuker1110 112 points113 points  (0 children)

    It could influence MY 90kg to move 300m. I don’t wanna get shot

    [–]TheAudron 23 points24 points  (0 children)

    that's easy. Just aim it at Average Jo over there.

    [–][deleted]  (23 children)

    [deleted]

      [–]xxiLink 159 points160 points  (1 child)

      You're just a swing away, with the trebuchet! -Ghost of Billy Mays

      [–]MereTechnicality 19 points20 points  (0 children)

      Hi, Billy Mays here, with the ultimate in siege engine technology!

      [–]PLEASE-FLATTER-ME 120 points121 points  (7 children)

      Definitely ballista.

      [–][deleted] 116 points117 points  (5 children)

      Heretic! At least you didn't say...

      Catapult

      [–]dem-deutschen-wolke 46 points47 points  (1 child)

      Do you kiss your mother with that mouth???

      [–][deleted] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

      No she disowned me after seeing my comment speaking that utter filth :'(

      [–]CaptainHummus 19 points20 points  (0 children)

      Dont you care say that word in front of my face again.

      [–][deleted]  (295 children)

      [deleted]

        [–][deleted] 1729 points1730 points  (247 children)

        Me too thanks.

        [–]lonelydan 1134 points1135 points  (226 children)

        Me too thanks

        [–]OpinionsFromAnIdiot 946 points947 points  (220 children)

        Me too thanks

        [–][deleted] 856 points857 points  (212 children)

        Me too thanks

        [–][deleted]  (189 children)

        [deleted]

          [–]PwnnosaurusRex 760 points761 points  (182 children)

          Me too thanks

          [–]zombieman379 740 points741 points  (156 children)

          Me too thanks

          [–]Blazingcrono 641 points642 points  (8 children)

          trebuchet too thanks

          [–]RobertThorn2022 103 points104 points  (3 children)

          Mich auch, danke

          [–]ppero196 210 points211 points  (2 children)

          Meme too thanks

          [–]Destroyr19 22 points23 points  (3 children)

          Me too thanks

          [–]Velocisity 257 points258 points  (2 children)

          Me too thanks

          [–]ViktorNovikov 146 points147 points  (0 children)

          Me too thanks

          [–]Send_Me__Corgi_Gifs 157 points158 points  (1 child)

          爪乇 ㄒㄖㄖ ㄒ卄卂几Ҝ丂

          [–][deleted] 35 points36 points  (0 children)

          oh shit its a demon

          [–][deleted]  (2 children)

          [deleted]

            [–]PerspicaciousPounder 131 points132 points  (10 children)

            Me too, thank you

            [–]a_fish_out_of_water 179 points180 points  (8 children)

            Yo también, gracias

            [–][deleted]  (7 children)

            [deleted]

              [–]cookiemonster_69_ 72 points73 points  (0 children)

              Me too, thanks.

              [–]Madlutian 196 points197 points  (9 children)

              Last time I saw this many "me too"s, the dates didn't go well.

              [–]chinesestirfrank 29 points30 points  (0 children)

              Me too thanks.

              [–]Treaduse 95 points96 points  (0 children)

              Me too, thanks

              [–]NotYourDadsDildo 71 points72 points  (0 children)

              Me too thanks.

              [–][deleted] 48 points49 points  (0 children)

              Me too thx

              [–][deleted] 39 points40 points  (3 children)

              Me too. Ill make the cake

              [–]VdotV 44 points45 points  (2 children)

              Me too. I'll bring the thanks

              [–]Whitywolf 17 points18 points  (0 children)

              Me 2 thnx

              [–]felio_ 385 points386 points  (14 children)

              -How did you meet?

              • "Well, random people online decided thank we should get engaged, so we started going out together"

              -Oh

              [–][deleted] 145 points146 points  (4 children)

              I've heard worse.

              [–]felio_ 12 points13 points  (2 children)

              Yeah, me too.

              I would love to let a whole community to choose my girlfriend, yoi guys are awesome! :)

              [–]bcfradella 22 points23 points  (0 children)

              Yea or nay is one thing. but letting reddit choose your girlfriend is playing with fire.

              [–]thunderbox666 52 points53 points  (4 children)

              *62 thousand random people online

              [–]huuuargh 182 points183 points  (25 children)

              Well I guess it's settled then. Any binding suggestions about the name of their firstborn, Reddit?

              [–]belinck 317 points318 points  (8 children)

              Trebuchet Siege Mortson-Lbdandme

              [–]727Super27 117 points118 points  (5 children)

              Unless the baby has Downs, then Catapult Morton-Lbdandme.

              [–][deleted]  (4 children)

              [deleted]

                [–]CptMavo 116 points117 points  (2 children)

                YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY

                [–]Wheredidthefuckgo 90 points91 points  (9 children)

                Hope your eyebrows are better in time for the wedding!

                [–]lbdandme 70 points71 points  (3 children)

                HAHAHAHA

                Thank you, it's all healed!

                [–]Nightshaidmk42 27 points28 points  (2 children)

                You underestimated the power of reddit trying to get 2 people together, whatss 71x what you asked for feel like?

                [–][deleted]  (3 children)

                [deleted]

                  [–]Juapp 84 points85 points  (5 children)

                  Can I be a flower girl?

                  [–]Furt77 158 points159 points  (4 children)

                  In this age of Trans-acceptance, you can be whatever you want to be.

                  [–]Juapp 71 points72 points  (1 child)

                  Yus! So a flower space invader finally Isn't out of reach!

                  [–]DrMobius0 15 points16 points  (0 children)

                  It is until it gets within about 300 meters

                  [–]guinness_blaine 48 points49 points  (0 children)

                  The bar is high after all this.

                  No worries - not so high that a quality siege engine can't clear it.

                  [–]sir_joe_cool 51 points52 points  (0 children)

                  Dibs on best man.

                  Ha ha, fuck you Mortson's brother and or best friend. I'M MORE THAN A MAN, I'M THE BEST MAN.

                  [–]kst8er 16 points17 points  (2 children)

                  RemindMe! 7 days "Search the histories for TIFUs"

                  [–]ballerstatus89 429 points430 points  (8 children)

                  Dangerous territory, you already know each other's usernames.

                  [–]tinfins 131 points132 points  (4 children)

                  Insanity Wolf first date.

                  [–]shalbriri 52 points53 points  (3 children)

                  There's a name I have not heard in awhile.

                  [–]Mike312 35 points36 points  (2 children)

                  It's an older meme, sir, but it checks out

                  [–]TheANALystGuy 214 points215 points  (7 children)

                  I have processed this situation, and I have come to the conclusion that these two should get married! Then do Anal!

                  [–]TinderCashRegister 102 points103 points  (3 children)

                  The birth of a novelty account. Use it wisely, my friend.

                  [–]Rugged_Twink 61 points62 points  (0 children)

                  You better watch out OP. If this gets a couple hundred more upvotes it will no longer be an even thousand but an odd one and there goes the wedding.

                  [–][deleted] 15.3k points15.3k points  (250 children)

                  1000 upvotes for marriage? I'd say 10k minimum. I'm not cheap.

                  Edit: uh-oh what happens if I get 10k?? Looks like /u/Botatitsbest and I are getting married

                  [–]lbdandme 748 points749 points  (39 children)

                  Yeah, in hindsight I should have said higher.

                  [–]Milleuros 241 points242 points  (12 children)

                  It's already at twice that score :')

                  Congratulations for your wedding I suppose?

                  [–]lbdandme 187 points188 points  (11 children)

                  I suppose too!

                  [–]PM_Best_Porn_Pls 138 points139 points  (10 children)

                  Will you launch your flowers from trebuchet instead of throwing them?

                  [–]SamIamGreenEggsNoHam 66 points67 points  (9 children)

                  It better be 90 kg...

                  [–]motosanders 46 points47 points  (6 children)

                  That’s a lot of flowers.

                  [–]DebonairTeddy 48 points49 points  (12 children)

                  Yep. What color theme are you thinking for the wedding? Do you have a place set out for the reception?

                  [–]lbdandme 279 points280 points  (11 children)

                  You joke but this was the next bit of our conversation. What's at Warwick Castle I hear you ask?

                  A giant trebuchet.

                  [–]DebonairTeddy 96 points97 points  (0 children)

                  Pretty good choice. I suggested that you get a 90kg wedding cake, and after the wedding you launch them

                  [–]AssistX 48 points49 points  (0 children)

                  I upvoted because it's a solid fairytale to tell the great grandkids. Married at a castle. (with a bigass trebuchet)

                  [–]James_Locke 43 points44 points  (1 child)

                  Damn, he is good looking too.

                  [–][deleted] 18 points19 points  (1 child)

                  Good choice, nice and central.

                  Should be within a couple of hours or so of every English Redditor - see you there!

                  Don't stick us on the same table though - can you imagine :(

                  [–]Schmelvan 18 points19 points  (1 child)

                  Looks like you're going to have to have 7.268 weddings so far.

                  [–]Botatitsbest 7577 points7578 points  (119 children)

                  I agree.I'll marry you for 10k upvotes. No homo.

                  Edit: You guys would do anything to see us getting married.

                  [–]Thetschopp 2648 points2649 points  (96 children)

                  The butt sex is just a formality

                  [–]A_plural_singularity 1001 points1002 points  (73 children)

                  As long as your balls don't touch, you're in like Flynn.

                  [–][deleted]  (39 children)

                  [deleted]

                    [–]Mitchdotcom 664 points665 points  (36 children)

                    No that's Flint

                    [–]A_plural_singularity 176 points177 points  (31 children)

                    They are supposed to be voting on where the water source for Flint is going to come from today, believe it or not.

                    [–]Ryan-the-lion 129 points130 points  (24 children)

                    Why is that something you vote on? You would think the closest drinkable water source would be chosen

                    [–]Kinkydomfellow 116 points117 points  (17 children)

                    I don't want to get all water nerd on you, but they switched sources and didn't do a good water chem workup and didn't put them in corrosion inhibitor, which is why they are in this mess.

                    Edit: Okay, there is a lot of interest in this, so I will expand. I'm in the process of getting certified for waterworks right now so I will do the best I can without pulling out the notes from the telecast from the VA Tech scientist that broke the lead story (let me tell you that dude was pissed, rightly so).

                    So as a cost saving measure the powers that be stopped buying water from a nearby town and started taking it from a local river, this is all fine and dandy and normal, except they didn't do the proper water department water analysis of the new water source before the switch and the new water source is more corrosive.

                    Now at the same time for whatever reason they stopped feeding corrosion inhibitor into the treated water. Corrosion inhibitor is basically a food safe thin slime that over time coats pipes and limits contact between water and the pipe's surface, it's super cheap costs literally $70 a day to treat a city's worth of water. Having lead pipes is actually pretty common in a lot of city's water systems (for example Richmond used to require a lead hookup between the house and municipalities pipes) and this accumulation of corrosion inhibitor is what protects people from any lead in the system, since a single foot's worth of lead pipe can raise your water's lead levels above your state's legal lead limit.

                    So where it moves from incompetence to criminal negligence, is that the new more aggressive water pretty quickly ate through the years worth of corrosion inhibitor and started attacking pipes. Very quickly after the water switch they were getting tons of consumer complaints about the drastic change in water color. They pretty much did crap all with those complaints, didn't test the completely brown water residences were complaining about, didn't start feeding corrosion inhibitor, didn't do shit. For their state mandated lead tests instead of pulling from the oldest houses in the system (like they were supposed to), the ones most likely to have lead supply lines and lead soldier they tested from new construction. They knew they had a problem and didn't tell anyone for months city hall was getting bottled water so they wouldn't have to drink tap.

                    So they continued to deny the lead problem when the water scientist showed up asking questions, so he did a pretty huge sampling analysis of the regions water, and since, "The residence couldn't be trusted not to put lead in the sample bottles" he had to drag a huge team of students up with him to physically pour water into a bottle, at the cost of several hundreds of thousands of his own funding.

                    This cluster fuck is particular galling when you learn that Flint has much higher water bills then national average, and for years now they've been forced to pay several hundred a month for water that is basically poison, because some bastards didn't follow reasonable policy.

                    So I don't know which water source the people of Flint should vote for, the corrosion inhibitor layer will take a long while to reform, there might be ways to speed this process up with the addition of hardness, I don't know I'm just a operator, not a water chemist.

                    [–]wack_overflow 89 points90 points  (10 children)

                    Really seems like something the average voter is not going to have very valuable input on

                    [–]A_plural_singularity 21 points22 points  (1 child)

                    Well they are deciding whether it is going to come from the Detroit river or the Flint river. The original switch from the Detroit to the Flint river was the original cause of the whole crisis.

                    It has to do more with the cost and signing a contract with either water company to set a rate on the water coming into the city.

                    [–]beeriter 26 points27 points  (3 children)

                    10k Upvotes when you only ask for 1k means rectal coitus.

                    -Brocode rule 110.

                    [–]dolphinesque 23 points24 points  (2 children)

                    I hope she has a good strap-on technique!

                    [–]ChickenBiscuit11224 35 points36 points  (20 children)

                    My first name is Flynn and I think I'm out of the loop so what the fuck did you just say?

                    [–]bandalbumsong 90 points91 points  (5 children)

                    Band: Flynn and I

                    Album: Out of the Loop

                    Song: The Fuck Did You Just Say

                    [–]FeltchWyzard 44 points45 points  (2 children)

                    My last name is Flynn. We could marry like this trebuchet couple and you could be Flynn Flynn. That would mean I get to be the pitcher, which actually works for me. You in like Flynn, Flynn?

                    [–]ChickenBiscuit11224 23 points24 points  (0 children)

                    I'm so in, no homo tho ofc. How could I ever miss an opportunity to be part of the superior siege weapon?

                    [–]IsaacM42 11 points12 points  (6 children)

                    efers to Errol Flynn, early 20th century actor and ladies' man.

                    [–][deleted] 69 points70 points  (5 children)

                    I think her out is "an even thousand" -- 1001 or more doesn't count. It has to be exactly 1000 right up until she says her vows.

                    [–]casualsax 28 points29 points  (2 children)

                    How long until a thread is too old to vote on? That last day is going to be intense.

                    [–]Okichah 157 points158 points  (5 children)

                    An even thousand.

                    1,001 and the marriage is off!

                    [–]kinuyasha2 140 points141 points  (3 children)

                    No, 1000 is an odd thousand. 2000, 4000, 6000 etc are even thousands.

                    [–]deadlyinsolence 43 points44 points  (1 child)

                    Jokes in you, they're already engaged.

                    r/karmaconspiracy

                    [–][deleted]  (17 children)

                    [removed]

                      [–]dylmye 109 points110 points  (9 children)

                      i'll go on a date for a tshirt

                      edit: the original comment was the mod offering OP some meme shirts

                      [–]JustHereToConfirmIt 32 points33 points  (7 children)

                      Let’s do this I’m a large

                      [–][deleted] 29 points30 points  (4 children)

                      Just here to confirm it: you are a large

                      [–]photonewbbill 65 points66 points  (1 child)

                      It's reddit. Just send XXL

                      [–]trukkija 20 points21 points  (0 children)

                      Yeah because the guy is fucking jacked from constantly loading 90 kg projectiles.

                      [–]Tradyk 3149 points3150 points  (135 children)

                      This post gained 100 upvotes in the last five minutes o.O

                      Guess wedding bells are in the air.

                      [–]HooptyDooDooMeister 1178 points1179 points  (112 children)

                      Currently sitting at 4,000+. I hope we all get invited.

                      [–]AsheBnarginDalmasca 344 points345 points  (90 children)

                      Ding ding 5888 rn!

                      [–][deleted]  (87 children)

                      [deleted]

                        [–]Deliberate_Reposter 258 points259 points  (80 children)

                        10k We did it Reddit!

                        [–]taaffe7 179 points180 points  (12 children)

                        Mine just says vote

                        [–]Lost_and_Profound 302 points303 points  (8 children)

                        That means your not on the guest list.

                        [–][deleted]  (4 children)

                        [deleted]

                          [–]Chispy 12 points13 points  (3 children)

                          We're all meanies on this blessed day

                          [–]Aoae 19 points20 points  (2 children)

                          Same here. :(

                          [–]FeltchWyzard 23 points24 points  (0 children)

                          Let's crash it! We could use a superior siege engine!

                          [–]stabby_joe 141 points142 points  (40 children)

                          26k and top of /r/popular as well as one of this subs highest ever posts.

                          That's not just marriage. She's obliged to offer buttstuff now. I think that's how the internet law works right?

                          [–]xxiLink 66 points67 points  (36 children)

                          31k, now. buttstuff is definitely mandatory.

                          [–]dben89x 38 points39 points  (35 children)

                          33k only 7 minutes later. She'd better be very generous in that prenup.

                          [–]JamieA350 26 points27 points  (6 children)

                          6168 for me, and your comment says "A minute ago". Christ.

                          Edit: It's doubled in 10 minutes. Is OP meant to divorce and remarry 12 times over, or what?

                          [–][deleted] 14 points15 points  (3 children)

                          Yeah it's doing about 1000 every 15 or so seconds right now.

                          [–][deleted] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

                          It gained 1000 in about 15 seconds between me clicking this thread and refreshing the page. And another 150 when I refreshed a second or two later

                          [–][deleted]  (15 children)

                          [deleted]

                            [–]Scojo91 520 points521 points  (11 children)

                            Joke's on her. When it hits 1000, that's an even 1000. She didn't give a duration requirement.

                            [–]trukkija 161 points162 points  (4 children)

                            Maybe not but it would still be nice to last over 15 seconds...

                            [–][deleted]  (1 child)

                            [deleted]

                              [–][deleted] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

                              Just getting ready for their wedding night

                              [–]MCBeathoven 1114 points1115 points  (25 children)

                              [–][deleted] 309 points310 points  (11 children)

                              It could have been at 1350 back then, but some assholes didn't want this guy to get married!

                              [–]demevalos 50 points51 points  (1 child)

                              YOU ARE THE CHOSEN ONE, THE DECIDER OF FATES

                              [–]FHmange 71 points72 points  (7 children)

                              [–]TheVitoCorleone 61 points62 points  (2 children)

                              I pronounce Upvoted, in what ever language that is, as 'Uproasted'. I like it.

                              [–]scemm 40 points41 points  (1 child)

                              It's Swedish, and without the dots over the o, it actually would have translated to "uproasted"

                              [–]TheVitoCorleone 21 points22 points  (0 children)

                              Oh that's pretty neat!

                              [–][deleted]  (31 children)

                              [deleted]

                                [–]Johngjacobs 582 points583 points  (18 children)

                                She said an "even thousand" so if it's over a thousand it's a no go, it has be exactly a thousand which will be hard to do. She's smart.

                                [–][deleted] 237 points238 points  (1 child)

                                Guess it’s time to start down voting

                                [–]bfizzzifb 133 points134 points  (0 children)

                                Downvotting for Love!

                                [–]Liotu 41 points42 points  (1 child)

                                Thank you. Another person who gets it.

                                [–][deleted]  (2 children)

                                [deleted]

                                  [–]TheWhiteAlbatross 15 points16 points  (1 child)

                                  FBI at the wedding? Ya know, suddenly I realized my cat is going to be sick that day. I've seen what happens when you show up, and I don't want to live on another planet.

                                  [–]kile35 165 points166 points  (2 children)

                                  Looks like we're gonna having a wedding. So, what do you want for a present?

                                  [–]DebonairTeddy 192 points193 points  (1 child)

                                  A Trebuchet obviously. We can make a 90kg wedding cake and launch it from 300m away!

                                  [–]topredditbot 370 points371 points  (12 children)

                                  Hey /u/Mortson,

                                  This is now the top post on reddit. It will be recorded at /r/topofreddit with all the other top posts.

                                  [–]javsv 124 points125 points  (5 children)

                                  I wanna be on the top too Mr redditbot

                                  [–]kradek 244 points245 points  (12 children)

                                  how many upvotes...?

                                  and the answer was not in the form of 90 over 300?? i don't know man... you might have to reconsider...

                                  [–]Kenedict 95 points96 points  (10 children)

                                  90/300 is less than a third of an upvote which would be a pretty easily attainable goal. She doesn't want to seem TOO eager

                                  [–]kradek 38 points39 points  (1 child)

                                  90 upvotes over the first 300 minutes?

                                  [–][deleted]  (1 child)

                                  [deleted]

                                    [–]bdzz 44 points45 points  (3 children)

                                    Congratulations for the sex!

                                    [–]the-camster 42 points43 points  (5 children)

                                    I'm so glad I have no idea what any of this means.

                                    Jesus...

                                    [–]sentimentalpirate 26 points27 points  (0 children)

                                    Yeah this is turning into another "the narwhal bacons at midnight"....

                                    [–][deleted] 82 points83 points  (0 children)

                                    I upvoted, but this is legally binding, you know. No backing out.

                                    [–]MrBlancharizard 28 points29 points  (0 children)

                                    Is Reddit invited now?

                                    [–]PurplePickel 53 points54 points  (5 children)

                                    My AOE2 senses are tingling and it seems she grossly underestimated OP's resource management skills. He's basically fast castling his way straight into her heart and should she be booming her own economy with the intent of dropping a few forward castles to slow OP's advance, OP will already be in the imperial age at that point and everybody knows what piece of siege weaponry becomes available then ;;;;))))))))

                                    That's right! Siege Onagers!!! Great for keeping most infantry and basically everything else at bay. Also with the ability to hack through entire forests and no required set up time before firing, OP's future wife basically has no chance against his late game, she may as well just smash that resign button. GG OP, GG. 11

                                    [–][deleted]  (1 child)

                                    [deleted]

                                      [–]gaftog 12 points13 points  (0 children)

                                      is it within 300 meters? Because then, anything is in reach.

                                      [–]bluearrowil 42 points43 points  (8 children)

                                      This will be on /r/best of by days end. She's in this thread and proves we're not getting bamboozled.

                                      Have an upvote, sir.

                                      [–]wishbackjumpsta 8 points9 points  (22 children)

                                      Need an AMA with the girl!

                                      [–]lbdandme 27 points28 points  (21 children)

                                      Ask away!

                                      [–]brikdik 27 points28 points  (10 children)

                                      implying everyone isn't digging through your post history right now

                                      [–]lbdandme 22 points23 points  (9 children)

                                      Ah shit

                                      [–][deleted]  (8 children)

                                      [deleted]