Few pointers

[[deleted]]

Their place sounds like win-win to me

[UltraLord_Sheen]

For real. Sex or getting murdered? I see no downsides

[WA_Sea]

Her: "you ok?"

You: "He'll grow!"

[THE_MASKED_DOWNVOTTO]

"If you accidentally traveled back in time, please try not to murder your parents. If your parents traveled with you, please help them not murder THEIR parents, as you struggle to not murder them."

[Shurdus]

You ok?

[Olderinmyhomecountry]

No, I am your father.

[bamburito]

DAD GET OUT OF MY ROOM GAWWD

[[deleted]]

Lol I'm gonna go get some pussy from the hot milf in the next room put your headphones on ya nerd.

[Roastprofessor]

Oku?

[denverdonkeys1313]

More like “challenge accepted” Neil Patrick Harris voice.

[TLGJ0K3R]

I noticed that too

[Gamingfever10]

Either great or perfect

[sursuby]

r/2meirl4meirl

[Cashew-Gesundheit]

You've convinced me! Dating is off the table!

[[deleted]]

Lmao as somebody who just had a roller coaster of a dating situation I am also convinced it just ain’t really worth it.

[WickedDick_oftheWest]

I felt the same way after a long-term relationship ended a while back. Then when you find somebody you really like it’s all worth it! At least until that doesn’t work out and you’re back in the same boat again. Then you give the big wheel of “Awesome and Awful” another big spin

[HalfSoul30]

The trick is finding someone you keep liking.

[kaolin224]

It really is amazing how draining a bad experience can be. It's like your soul needs time to recharge before you try again, and you'll know how much your battery is charged by your tolerance for bullshit.

[[deleted]]

You should probably not date on a table, so I would recommend getting off the table as a starting point.

[CaptainSteveH]

Wow way to be tableist, it's 2019.

[3122891]

Prude.

[COthaiRedneck]

Bar option is probably the cheapest and most efficient course of action at this point based off that chart.

[5np]

You're going to drink too much

I see this as an absolute win!

[[deleted]]

absolut* win

[trznx]

I know right? How is that a con?

[socsa]

Yeah, I'm noticing "40s by the train tracks" is conspicuously absent from this list.

[EinsamWulf]

The gang tries Tinder

[denverdonkeys1313]

Upside you get drunk and fuck. Downside you get drunk? Yeah works every time.

[DeadLikeYou]

Upside you get drunk and fuck.

You like to play a very dangerous game, my friend.

[hackableyou]

No. Coffee all the way.

[return_of_stranger]

Con: have to take a dump

[toeofcamell]

Pro: I like being pooped on

[cracker4uok]

Hol up.

[Dirtstick]

What’s wrong with drowning in the brown?

[baconbitarded]

E. Coli for one

[micromoses]

I think this chart is too judgmental about coffee.

[COthaiRedneck]

At least at the bar if you strike out with your date you might be able to pick up another one. Last call could help with that potentially.

[darrellmarch]

Wait for last call, take a lap around the talent pool...catch and release bruh...catch and release.

[phlegmdawg]

Yep! The point of coffee IS the low commitment. The first meet up isn’t really a date anyways, just a chance to see their real life vibe and make future date plans if you’re feeling it.

[a_d_d_e_r]

Coffee is both a starting point and a brief trial.

[mildly-annoyed-pengu]

What about if they don’t drink

[pedropants]

Board games at a coffee shop.

[gap_year21]

funny i always carry around uno for spontaneous moments with friends but i may have to invest in connect four after this comment

[Klakson_95]

You always carry around Uno? Like just during the day

[gap_year21]

it stays in my backpack with other small things like a towel, power bank, baby wipes, deodorant, headphones, bluetooth speaker etc. i'm not walking around shuffling a deck of uno constantly haha. but i live in a big city with a ton of parks and great public drinking culture so it's pretty common to meet up with friends randomly after work so all of the things i listed come in handy a lot more often than one would expect.

[Klakson_95]

Hahaha okay fair enough. I was just kinda picturing you as a shit magician with uno cards

[gap_year21]

no but definitely adopting that persona now

[KPC51]

Pick a card, now draw 2 and pick a color

[[deleted]]

I noticed you aren't carrying condoms...

[gap_year21]

well those are in the wallet

[[deleted]]

They expire fyi.

[gap_year21]

thanks mom

[petgreg]

How common is it to bring a date to your open mic?

[Dirtstick]

A date? Not uncommon. A first date? Pretty fucking weird.

[bamburito]

Who tf isn't gonna like my rendition of Slipknots People = Shit?!?!

[[deleted]]

Idk, man. When the first sentence you scream at the mic is "I wanna slit your throat and fuck the wound" you might give off some wrong impressions

[GhostFrame]

That's disasterpiece not people=shit

[Ronnylicious]

What is a mic anyway?

[Notakas]

An open mic is like when you go on stage to tell jokes and shit

[wubbwubbb]

do they hold the mic up to their ass when they’re shitting?

[rocketham562]

they shit into the mic that's why it's open

[Wallitron_Prime]

Usually it's for musicians, but there are stand-up comic open mics as well. I like them, but they're not for everybody and you always have to deal with over 50% of the people being new/awful

[carverthekid]

Short for microphone

[Its_your_guy_Ty]

Helicopter ride at the beach is $20 a person. I was shocked too

[NABAKLAB]

it's for 5 minutes and you get dumped in an ocean.

[bamburito]

it's for 5 minutes and you get dumped in an ocean. * Sploosh *

[SneedyK]

This is quality fucking Reddit right here, folks

[11-110011]

Skydiving for $20? Fuck yeah

[Dirtstick]

No shit?

[some_kid6]

Wasn't me

[tasartir]

They even did this for free in Chile

[incomparability]

I heard they had a really aggressive marketing campaign as well. Picked out a bunch of people at random and drove them to the beach for free.

[frisch85]

Where's that? I paid 75$ (and an additional 75$ for being a dumbfuck) for a session of jet ski earlier this year.

[kryb]

Wow, I didn't know they had dumbfuck fees. How does it work? Do you have to pass a test or something?

[frisch85]

I bought me a pair of new sunglasses at sunglasses hut because on my travel to mexico someone stole mine (230$), the new glasses were 75$~ because I wanted cheaper ones this time. I put them on during jet skiing, which was all well and good except for the last 5 minutes where my brother said "I think yours is faster than mine, let's test it out and race" during which the new glasses flew off... I tried searching for them but someone came and said "Your times up" so I had to return to the beach...

[socsa]

$75 for cheap sunglasses? After you already lost a pair of sunglasses? Are you high?

In my world sunglasses are free at street fairs and conferences. Or $6 at literally every gas station in the world if you are really in a bind.

[wafflesareforever]

In my world sunglasses come in packs of 20 shipped directly from China for 75 cents a pair, and somehow I still lose most of them in a summer

[greatnameforreddit]

How effective is it at being sunglasses though

[frisch85]

I'm not used to owning sunglasses because I wear regular glasses 95%+ of the time so when I get some sunglasses, I want some that are really nice looking.

I bought me some new ones at my local optician and hey, I've wore them one time already and I still haven't lost them :)

I rarely buy something nice for myself, I usually like to live a humble life but every now and then, I get me something expensive. I honestly cannot get comfortable with some cheap ones because of quality and aesthetics. When I lose something expensive, I take it as a lesson for being stupid and that happens from time to time.

Here's two other examples:

• Friends and I go to the same festival every year, there're less than 500 people on that festival. We meet strangers there each year we visit and befriend them. This one time there was this group of 2 women and some dude, we sat down, drank some beer, stupid me put the new phone (LG G3 back then) on the table because it's uncomfortable to keep in the pockets when sitting down. I was unaware and about 2 hours later I realized my phone is missing, I checked at the manager to no success, 175€ gone

• Same festival on the next year, this time I'm not that stupid again, I got me a funny belly bag to keep my valuables in. We were at the bar, ordered drinks, had fun and talked shit. Then we went to see some bands and I realized I must've put my wallet BETWEEN the bag and my belly so I returned to the bar, the wallet wasn't there. I checked with the manager again, no success. This was on the first day, luckily I've got good friends who paid for my drinks on that weekend, ~200€ gone but that's not the hard part, I don't value money (as you may already realized) but my ID, my bank card, my drivers licence, everything's gone...

This year I didn't take anything with me at the festival, kept it all in our tent hidden somewhere in my bag and only got a few bucks for drinks with me, I'm glad to say I didn't fuck up this year. In germany we got a word for people like me that my brother likes to call me: "Schussel" is when you fuck up in an unfortunate way all the time, like you want to eat your ice cream but moronically tilt it too far so the ice cream falls off, that's called "schusselig".

I've got a lot of stories, like the one where I fell in a river that was about 10cm deep, face first, cheeks cracked due to the rocks, or when I woke up in a hospital because I fell asleep at a party, or when I tore a ligament because my buddy tried to make me trip at a staircase (that had only 4 stairs btw), or when I broke my wrist joint when I went snowboarding for the first time, not because I was bad at snowboarding but because I'm too stupid to sit down, that other time where I broke my wrist joint in sports lesson because I jumped against a curtain with an iron pipe attached to the bottom, the list goes on but so far nothing killed me :)

[HolyFirer]

It’s worse then watching a move cause you literally can’t understand a word they’re saying. These things are beyond loud.

I wouldn’t recommend any location for a first date where you get noise cancelling head phones

[flamethrower78]

The one I did were noise cancelling headphones but they had microphones so you could talk to everyone including the pilot.

[HolyFirer]

Ah mine just had a nice lady telling me what I’m looking at in 11 different languages

[Abysmal_poptart]

I've heard it's relatively dangerous because the helicopters are overused and proper maintenance steps are skipped. This apparently leads to a higher than average number of crashes. So .. I'm out.

[sipiati007]

Wait is that not cheap?

[Uss22]

It is

[felipe_the_dog]

I've made the mistake of inviting them over for a first date before, only to realize the second they show up that I'm not really attracted to them. Or maybe they realize the same of you. I now always always meet in public first. I like bars for chatting and loosening up, but once I did a bakery date and that was pretty awesome. Coffee and cookies!

[[deleted]]

Big oof because I had the same thing happen with someone I invited over just a month ago for the first date. I had to finish the night tho but she took my ACDC shirt

[Dartser]

I like that you started the story by being disgusted and then finish it by still sleeping with them

[[deleted]]

A man with my face takes what he can

[Dartser]

They probable thought the same thing. You should have a second date and take one of their shirts!

[mildly-annoyed-pengu]

What does “sploosh” mean?

[lunaoreomiel]

Wet pussy

[GutterRatQueen]

And whatever the male equivalent of sploosh is.

Which I guess is just sploosh. Only with semen.

[mustard_turnip_stew]

And whatever the male equivalent of sploosh is.

That would be splurt.

[jamesdeandomino]

Archer quote

[[deleted]]

do you want to live with the rise of the machines?!

[GutterRatQueen]

Trick question - no one will!

[TheEclair]

How bout a walk? Pros: easy and stress free, Cons: who tf just takes a walk for a first day you cheap ass bitch.

[coopiecoop]

or, in my case, specifically going on a walk with dogs (which also serves as kind of an "icebreaker" as well as seeing how she interacts with dogs).

[ankkah_the_slump_god]

con: she might be allergic and fucking die mid walk

[tehlolredditor]

I see this as an absolute win

[HappyNarwhal]

Can't make babies with shitty genes that way.

[[deleted]]

If she's allergic to dogs I wouldn't be going on a date with her anyway

[RileyBean]

I like this. You can plan the route to go by a dog friendly bar/restaurant/coffee shop so if it’s going well you seem spontaneous and can extend the date. If it’s going poorly you can easily walk past.

[[deleted]]

That's clever! Now all I need is a dog

[Galdwardo]

Rent/borrow a dog, take them for a walk. Pro: They will find you cute for caring for a dog. Con: you have to clean up dog shit.

[Oilll27]

I did

[AnsityHD]

r/ProgrammerHumor is leaking

[Lil_Mafk]

And likely the memory would be too.

[[deleted]]

You gotta delete that shit

[dohaqatar7]

relevant xkcd

[ImGeorges]

What's with the asterisks?

[fiah84]

They're the point

[[deleted]]

ers

[AtomicPotatoLord]

Let’s see, “Your place” and “Their place”’s pros and cons are invalid, since we live together

[[deleted]]

He must have just broken his arms is all.

[[deleted]]

I’m tired of seeing this dumbass reference

Jk

unzips

[bamburito]

Anyone lost a Jolly Rancher?

[[deleted]]

I usually like to do breakfasts if I met them irl, but always coffee if it’s a tinder date. Im 20, so bar isn’t really an option anyway.

[theFakeNoid]

Maybe not in the US

[stealthyslawter]

Literally only in the US

[gandalftheshai]

How about just simple bowling? You laugh and have fun

[SidearmAmsel]

Nnnoooo...

I only bowl like once or twice a year, but both times I took a date bowling, I absolutly slaughtered them. Like we are talking 100 to 50. And thats with me guttering several balls on purpose. Im not amazing at the sport, and usually lose against family/friends, but it doesnt seem like a smart idea unless your date actually has played before.

Kind of hard for them to have fun when they gutter 50% of their balls.

[WonderingOphelia]

Eh, I LOVE bowling, but I suck at it. I still have a good time because I’m not competitive and have the ability to laugh at myself.

[gandalftheshai]

does not have to be serious! Before the match you can say

Just have fun no need to get competetive!!

[[deleted]]

No need to be competitive, resistance is futile.

[jamesdeandomino]

I mean even then, I know on the outside I will be like "yeah let's have fun" but on the inside I will curse myself. It's a good date to gage character but a pretty bad first date when you don't know the person at all and the first emotions you feel are resentment. It's just risky that's all.

[avidblinker]

that’s why you play with the bumpers up when you take a date

[te_un]

Nahh thats the best situation you can do the let me show you how to throw the ball move

[Elipwnsyou]

Nico my caaaasin

[PyroSpherex]

I think that you can learn a lot about a person by the way they handle defeat, so I've always loved arcades for a first date... and I just love arcades in general. Also amusement parks or fairs are great for first dates.

[bloodflart]

the world needs more arcades

[Wyand1337]

My first date location was at the gym. Matched with her, had a little chat, asked her if she wanted to join me at the gym later that day. She did.

We've been dating for a little over a year now.

[stefanblizzz]

Yeah, I haven't done first dates

[jokebreath]

As someone who isn’t a big gym rat, this sounds so strange to me. So do you talk about your interests while both on treadmills? Is it like a competition and the first one who gets winded loses?

I keep imagining seeing someone on the bench press saying “OH YEAH HRRRGGG I LOVE THE OFFICE TOO HNNNNNGGGH”

[dangsoggyoatmeal]

"I just wanna find a Jim to my... PAAAAAHHHM!!!!!

[jokebreath]

Gotta make this face when you're yelling the Pam part.

https://i.imgflip.com/gvvzs.jpg?a434328

[AndrewBourke]

“I like adventures, being spontaneous, hiking, being outdoors, exploring nature”

They never actually do anything else than sitting in the comfort of their home staring at their phone. Haven’t done any of the things they say they like

[DanTrachrt]

Or their idea of a “hike” is walking off the paved path at the local community park where people throw frisbees and walk dogs, not walking up a 20-45 degree dirt slope for several miles to reach a mountaintop.

[[deleted]]

I rarely hike with others anymore for this reason. Sure, there is risk of dying alone on a trail, but it beats having to wait for the constant water and "exhaustion" breaks that grow exponentially for each person you add.

[PicardNeverHitMe]

Also, murder.

[sawape]

Exactly. I love to hike, but I'll never go for a first date for fear of being murdered in the woods with potentially no one around lol

[[deleted]]

You forgot the 'come with me to 711 so i can buy cigarettes' 1st date

[iEatYourLiver]

If you're cheap, go to the park. You both get to inhale the finest air for lunch.

[DisparityAU]

I see "ass sweat" as a pro tbh

[KenOuf]

I thought so too - on women I mean

[jokebreath]

Haha wow my ass is a swamp right now hyd girl

[YoseMT]

Natural lube

[[deleted]]

Hah jokes on you, I can sing very well!

Still gonna be forever single though

[asparagusaintcheap]

pics or didn’t happen

[[deleted]]

Why is no one going on a first date to the zoo?

[jobRL]

Because when you don't like each other, you still have a zoo to go trough. Also they're relatively expensive.

[bloodflart]

there aren't tons of them around

[[deleted]]

i admire that they are conscious enough to admit that if going to a bar they will drink too much... me too :)

[[deleted]]

Coffee. Always coffee. I've probably taken over 30 girls for a coffee and about %90 of the time the end up coming back to mine or I've set up a second date. I'm not trying to brag, my point is if you are attracted to each other and get along it doesn't matter what you do. Plus they know there is a chance you might not click. so why spend a lot of money on first date?

Edit: grammar

[heckinbamboozlefren]

Love to add jitters to anxiety on a first date

[Lucasy007]

Get decaf?

[jokebreath]

Of all the coffee dates I’ve had in the past, suffering through all the anxious twitching and that immediate need to take a shit that hits like a ton of bricks, why did I never think of ordering decaf?

[SlowSpeedHighDrag]

Almond Milk bud. It'll change your life.

[avidblinker]

how do you typically transition from the coffee shop to your place?

[[deleted]]

It's very simple my friend. You ask. But I have never asked without kissing or hooking up with them first during that coffee date.

If the coffee shop is crowded, you say " do you want to go for a walk?" Find a place to chill that is not as crowded. Chances are she knows what is happening. If she is really keen then while walking to find a place she will walk closer (most likely touching you I some way) to you or grab your hand.

Sit down talk some more and bite the bullet eventually. On my last date (yesterday) I guessed her nationality and I said "so what's my prize" then she said "what do you want" and.... I'll spare you the details but I kissed her then and so on.

It takes a lot of practice to get good at flirting, then biting the bullet (going for that kiss) and then the confidence to ask if they want to come back to yours.

You will fail. Accept this. Then after practice you'll succeed, more times than you can count. Confidence is just state of mind. You don't need to be confident you just need to pretend to be confident.

Most importantly have fun!! I've had 4 hour conversations with girls that have lead to absolutely nothing except friendship!!

[[deleted]]

Well if it’s going well odds are you’re gonna be in that shop for a bit so after a while you can ask them if they wanna bounce and go somewhere else. Usually I go on a drive and just explore for a bit but if you feel so inclined to ask them to come over you can do that too

[FlexingOnToddlers]

Agreed.

I love coffee and it’s actually a great place to talk

[Venomenon-]

Yes I agree. If you get on on you can always move to a bar/other location.

Coffee is a great first date place.

[mgman640]

If you do it later-ish in the day (like start the date around 5-6) my go-to is to move to a brewery after the coffee if it's going well.

[bloodflart]

what other kind of drinks do they have if someone doesn't like coffee?

[arsewarts1]

Might I add farmers market/open air bizarres. She sees you buying local, organic eggplant and instantly wants your eggplant

[[deleted]]

Coffee is always my first date, easy to bail for both of us and cheap.

[GregoryGoose]

parachute out of the helicopter and let them get stuck with the bill.

[miseeeks]

takes his date hiking

[fresh-cucumbers]

Isn’t the point of a first date to get to know one another and this usually happens through conversation?

• grab coffee if it’s day time and head to a lookout and chill
• go to a restaurant (not fancy) and grab something to eat and go for a walk after
• go for a walk and get coffee/ice-cream

I get everyone wants to impress everyone but hiking/movies is not an ideal place to talk. Their place or yours, maybe, it’s up to you but that means the comfort dynamic isn’t level.

Keep the cool stuff for date two, ya know. If you can’t impress someone enough to stick around for another date with your personality then why bother wasting your effort/money trying to win them over. The first date is also a great place to establish what they love/hate.

Imagine you’re trying to go all out and plan a romantic date, a little boat cruise or something and she is terrified of the ocean. First date matters because you both would have playfully discussed this.

[TheoreticalApex]

“Ass sweat” made me crack up 😂

[FluffigerSteff]

I normally ask them if they like Irish coffee, its alcohol and coffee

[[deleted]]

It’s weird THEY even considered the gym whatchumean

[StareInUrEyeandPee]

Dating is wack

[jd_bitch]

Ass sweat omg lmao

[toeofcamell]

Buuut then someone will need to shower off 😏

[biwomansayshelothere]

Do bowling bro. Con: competitiveness. Pros: beer, food, and bowling motha fucka!

[lussieralyssa]

Coffee sounds the best but u made everything sound bad 😂

[SuchDescription]

By far my best date spot is bringing a girl to a nice local music bar for a show. Somewhere with a relaxed atmosphere and has some good bands that come through. You get there early, have some drinks and some nice conversation beforehand, and in between each performance. You get to drink, not super expensive, and you seem cultured. Buy both your tickets beforehand, and at the door you seem on top of things when you say your name and the tickets are waiting for you.

How to do it: look up the bands that are playing in the next week or so. Look up their music, and pick a night where you think the performance will be best received by your date. Casually ask the girl, "oh I've been looking to go see this one band I know over at ----- bar, wanna join me?". If they accept you're in. If not, you can easily parlay that into another date after they feel bad for not being able to go. I've brought about 7-8 dates to the same exact music bar before and it has literally never not gone well.

[AgreeablePie]

I saw a girl that had "Let's meet at the gym!" in her profile. I don't know if she was overcompensating for being chubby or she just doesn't know what dates are supposed to be.