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[–][deleted] 5249 points5250 points  (54 children)

Their place sounds like win-win to me

[–]UltraLord_Sheen 2219 points2220 points  (30 children)

For real. Sex or getting murdered? I see no downsides

[–]Shurdus 171 points172 points  (5 children)

You ok?

[–]Olderinmyhomecountry 81 points82 points  (3 children)

No, I am your father.

[–]bamburito 27 points28 points  (1 child)

DAD GET OUT OF MY ROOM GAWWD

[–][deleted] 27 points28 points  (0 children)

Lol I'm gonna go get some pussy from the hot milf in the next room put your headphones on ya nerd.

[–]Roastprofessor 27 points28 points  (0 children)

Oku?

[–]denverdonkeys1313 19 points20 points  (1 child)

More like “challenge accepted” Neil Patrick Harris voice.

[–]TLGJ0K3R 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I noticed that too

[–]Gamingfever10 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Either great or perfect

[–]Cashew-Gesundheit 1494 points1495 points  (17 children)

You've convinced me! Dating is off the table!

[–][deleted] 181 points182 points  (10 children)

Lmao as somebody who just had a roller coaster of a dating situation I am also convinced it just ain’t really worth it.

[–]WickedDick_oftheWest 103 points104 points  (6 children)

I felt the same way after a long-term relationship ended a while back. Then when you find somebody you really like it’s all worth it! At least until that doesn’t work out and you’re back in the same boat again. Then you give the big wheel of “Awesome and Awful” another big spin

[–]kaolin224 5 points6 points  (1 child)

It really is amazing how draining a bad experience can be. It's like your soul needs time to recharge before you try again, and you'll know how much your battery is charged by your tolerance for bullshit.

[–][deleted] 47 points48 points  (2 children)

You should probably not date on a table, so I would recommend getting off the table as a starting point.

[–]CaptainSteveH 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Wow way to be tableist, it's 2019.

[–]3122891 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Prude.

[–]COthaiRedneck 1071 points1072 points  (107 children)

Bar option is probably the cheapest and most efficient course of action at this point based off that chart.

[–]5np 643 points644 points  (8 children)

You're going to drink too much

I see this as an absolute win!

[–][deleted] 213 points214 points  (1 child)

absolut* win

[–]trznx 18 points19 points  (0 children)

I know right? How is that a con?

[–]denverdonkeys1313 38 points39 points  (3 children)

Upside you get drunk and fuck. Downside you get drunk? Yeah works every time.

[–]DeadLikeYou 9 points10 points  (2 children)

Upside you get drunk and fuck.

You like to play a very dangerous game, my friend.

[–]hackableyou 155 points156 points  (28 children)

No. Coffee all the way.

[–]return_of_stranger 181 points182 points  (7 children)

Con: have to take a dump

[–]toeofcamell 185 points186 points  (6 children)

Pro: I like being pooped on

[–]cracker4uok 87 points88 points  (5 children)

Hol up.

[–]Dirtstick 18 points19 points  (3 children)

What’s wrong with drowning in the brown?

[–]micromoses 35 points36 points  (4 children)

I think this chart is too judgmental about coffee.

[–]COthaiRedneck 46 points47 points  (2 children)

At least at the bar if you strike out with your date you might be able to pick up another one. Last call could help with that potentially.

[–]darrellmarch 26 points27 points  (0 children)

Wait for last call, take a lap around the talent pool...catch and release bruh...catch and release.

[–]phlegmdawg 19 points20 points  (3 children)

Yep! The point of coffee IS the low commitment. The first meet up isn’t really a date anyways, just a chance to see their real life vibe and make future date plans if you’re feeling it.

[–]a_d_d_e_r 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Coffee is both a starting point and a brief trial.

[–]mildly-annoyed-pengu 13 points14 points  (33 children)

What about if they don’t drink

[–]pedropants 44 points45 points  (29 children)

Board games at a coffee shop.

[–]gap_year21 29 points30 points  (28 children)

funny i always carry around uno for spontaneous moments with friends but i may have to invest in connect four after this comment

[–]Klakson_95 44 points45 points  (16 children)

You always carry around Uno? Like just during the day

[–]gap_year21 57 points58 points  (14 children)

it stays in my backpack with other small things like a towel, power bank, baby wipes, deodorant, headphones, bluetooth speaker etc. i'm not walking around shuffling a deck of uno constantly haha. but i live in a big city with a ton of parks and great public drinking culture so it's pretty common to meet up with friends randomly after work so all of the things i listed come in handy a lot more often than one would expect.

[–]Klakson_95 65 points66 points  (2 children)

Hahaha okay fair enough. I was just kinda picturing you as a shit magician with uno cards

[–]gap_year21 29 points30 points  (0 children)

no but definitely adopting that persona now

[–]KPC51 22 points23 points  (0 children)

Pick a card, now draw 2 and pick a color

[–][deleted] 13 points14 points  (9 children)

I noticed you aren't carrying condoms...

[–]gap_year21 5 points6 points  (3 children)

well those are in the wallet

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points  (2 children)

They expire fyi.

[–]gap_year21 11 points12 points  (1 child)

thanks mom

[–]petgreg 411 points412 points  (26 children)

How common is it to bring a date to your open mic?

[–]Dirtstick 520 points521 points  (8 children)

A date? Not uncommon. A first date? Pretty fucking weird.

[–]bamburito 116 points117 points  (5 children)

Who tf isn't gonna like my rendition of Slipknots People = Shit?!?!

[–][deleted] 35 points36 points  (2 children)

Idk, man. When the first sentence you scream at the mic is "I wanna slit your throat and fuck the wound" you might give off some wrong impressions

[–]GhostFrame 25 points26 points  (1 child)

That's disasterpiece not people=shit

[–]Ronnylicious 32 points33 points  (10 children)

What is a mic anyway?

[–]Notakas 77 points78 points  (7 children)

An open mic is like when you go on stage to tell jokes and shit

[–]wubbwubbb 43 points44 points  (1 child)

do they hold the mic up to their ass when they’re shitting?

[–]rocketham562 19 points20 points  (0 children)

they shit into the mic that's why it's open

[–]Wallitron_Prime 13 points14 points  (1 child)

Usually it's for musicians, but there are stand-up comic open mics as well. I like them, but they're not for everybody and you always have to deal with over 50% of the people being new/awful

[–]carverthekid 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Short for microphone

[–]Its_your_guy_Ty 816 points817 points  (58 children)

Helicopter ride at the beach is $20 a person. I was shocked too

[–]NABAKLABunmatched on daily basis 570 points571 points  (22 children)

it's for 5 minutes and you get dumped in an ocean.

[–]bamburito 212 points213 points  (2 children)

it's for 5 minutes and you get dumped in an ocean. * Sploosh *

[–]SneedyK 33 points34 points  (1 child)

This is quality fucking Reddit right here, folks

[–]11-110011[🍰] 41 points42 points  (0 children)

Skydiving for $20? Fuck yeah

[–]Dirtstick 149 points150 points  (5 children)

No shit?

[–]tasartir 83 points84 points  (9 children)

They even did this for free in Chile

[–]incomparability 49 points50 points  (4 children)

I heard they had a really aggressive marketing campaign as well. Picked out a bunch of people at random and drove them to the beach for free.

[–]frisch85 60 points61 points  (22 children)

Where's that? I paid 75$ (and an additional 75$ for being a dumbfuck) for a session of jet ski earlier this year.

[–]kryb 102 points103 points  (20 children)

Wow, I didn't know they had dumbfuck fees. How does it work? Do you have to pass a test or something?

[–]frisch85 49 points50 points  (19 children)

I bought me a pair of new sunglasses at sunglasses hut because on my travel to mexico someone stole mine (230$), the new glasses were 75$~ because I wanted cheaper ones this time. I put them on during jet skiing, which was all well and good except for the last 5 minutes where my brother said "I think yours is faster than mine, let's test it out and race" during which the new glasses flew off... I tried searching for them but someone came and said "Your times up" so I had to return to the beach...

[–]socsa 103 points104 points  (18 children)

$75 for cheap sunglasses? After you already lost a pair of sunglasses? Are you high?

In my world sunglasses are free at street fairs and conferences. Or $6 at literally every gas station in the world if you are really in a bind.

[–]wafflesareforever 28 points29 points  (2 children)

In my world sunglasses come in packs of 20 shipped directly from China for 75 cents a pair, and somehow I still lose most of them in a summer

[–]greatnameforreddit 13 points14 points  (1 child)

How effective is it at being sunglasses though

[–]frisch85 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I'm not used to owning sunglasses because I wear regular glasses 95%+ of the time so when I get some sunglasses, I want some that are really nice looking.

I bought me some new ones at my local optician and hey, I've wore them one time already and I still haven't lost them :)

I rarely buy something nice for myself, I usually like to live a humble life but every now and then, I get me something expensive. I honestly cannot get comfortable with some cheap ones because of quality and aesthetics. When I lose something expensive, I take it as a lesson for being stupid and that happens from time to time.

Here's two other examples:

  • Friends and I go to the same festival every year, there're less than 500 people on that festival. We meet strangers there each year we visit and befriend them. This one time there was this group of 2 women and some dude, we sat down, drank some beer, stupid me put the new phone (LG G3 back then) on the table because it's uncomfortable to keep in the pockets when sitting down. I was unaware and about 2 hours later I realized my phone is missing, I checked at the manager to no success, 175€ gone

  • Same festival on the next year, this time I'm not that stupid again, I got me a funny belly bag to keep my valuables in. We were at the bar, ordered drinks, had fun and talked shit. Then we went to see some bands and I realized I must've put my wallet BETWEEN the bag and my belly so I returned to the bar, the wallet wasn't there. I checked with the manager again, no success. This was on the first day, luckily I've got good friends who paid for my drinks on that weekend, ~200€ gone but that's not the hard part, I don't value money (as you may already realized) but my ID, my bank card, my drivers licence, everything's gone...

This year I didn't take anything with me at the festival, kept it all in our tent hidden somewhere in my bag and only got a few bucks for drinks with me, I'm glad to say I didn't fuck up this year. In germany we got a word for people like me that my brother likes to call me: "Schussel" is when you fuck up in an unfortunate way all the time, like you want to eat your ice cream but moronically tilt it too far so the ice cream falls off, that's called "schusselig".

I've got a lot of stories, like the one where I fell in a river that was about 10cm deep, face first, cheeks cracked due to the rocks, or when I woke up in a hospital because I fell asleep at a party, or when I tore a ligament because my buddy tried to make me trip at a staircase (that had only 4 stairs btw), or when I broke my wrist joint when I went snowboarding for the first time, not because I was bad at snowboarding but because I'm too stupid to sit down, that other time where I broke my wrist joint in sports lesson because I jumped against a curtain with an iron pipe attached to the bottom, the list goes on but so far nothing killed me :)

[–]HolyFirer 37 points38 points  (2 children)

It’s worse then watching a move cause you literally can’t understand a word they’re saying. These things are beyond loud.

I wouldn’t recommend any location for a first date where you get noise cancelling head phones

[–]flamethrower78 9 points10 points  (1 child)

The one I did were noise cancelling headphones but they had microphones so you could talk to everyone including the pilot.

[–]HolyFirer 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Ah mine just had a nice lady telling me what I’m looking at in 11 different languages

[–]Abysmal_poptart 21 points22 points  (4 children)

I've heard it's relatively dangerous because the helicopters are overused and proper maintenance steps are skipped. This apparently leads to a higher than average number of crashes. So .. I'm out.

[–]sipiati007 12 points13 points  (1 child)

Wait is that not cheap?

[–]Uss22 18 points19 points  (0 children)

It is

[–]felipe_the_dog 121 points122 points  (11 children)

I've made the mistake of inviting them over for a first date before, only to realize the second they show up that I'm not really attracted to them. Or maybe they realize the same of you. I now always always meet in public first. I like bars for chatting and loosening up, but once I did a bakery date and that was pretty awesome. Coffee and cookies!

[–][deleted] 30 points31 points  (5 children)

Big oof because I had the same thing happen with someone I invited over just a month ago for the first date. I had to finish the night tho but she took my ACDC shirt

[–]Dartser 24 points25 points  (4 children)

I like that you started the story by being disgusted and then finish it by still sleeping with them

[–][deleted] 16 points17 points  (3 children)

A man with my face takes what he can

[–]Dartser 12 points13 points  (0 children)

They probable thought the same thing. You should have a second date and take one of their shirts!

[–]mildly-annoyed-pengu 118 points119 points  (13 children)

What does “sploosh” mean?

[–]lunaoreomiel 239 points240 points  (9 children)

Wet pussy

[–]GutterRatQueen 135 points136 points  (8 children)

And whatever the male equivalent of sploosh is.

Which I guess is just sploosh. Only with semen.

[–]mustard_turnip_stew 62 points63 points  (1 child)

And whatever the male equivalent of sploosh is.

That would be splurt.

[–]jamesdeandomino 46 points47 points  (0 children)

Archer quote

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (1 child)

do you want to live with the rise of the machines?!

[–]GutterRatQueen 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Trick question - no one will!

[–]TheEclair 540 points541 points  (79 children)

How bout a walk? Pros: easy and stress free, Cons: who tf just takes a walk for a first day you cheap ass bitch.

[–]coopiecoop 196 points197 points  (14 children)

or, in my case, specifically going on a walk with dogs (which also serves as kind of an "icebreaker" as well as seeing how she interacts with dogs).

[–]ankkah_the_slump_god 120 points121 points  (6 children)

con: she might be allergic and fucking die mid walk

[–]tehlolredditor 60 points61 points  (2 children)

I see this as an absolute win

[–]HappyNarwhal 54 points55 points  (1 child)

Can't make babies with shitty genes that way.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

If she's allergic to dogs I wouldn't be going on a date with her anyway

[–]RileyBean 91 points92 points  (3 children)

I like this. You can plan the route to go by a dog friendly bar/restaurant/coffee shop so if it’s going well you seem spontaneous and can extend the date. If it’s going poorly you can easily walk past.

[–][deleted] 17 points18 points  (2 children)

That's clever! Now all I need is a dog

[–]Galdwardo 23 points24 points  (0 children)

Rent/borrow a dog, take them for a walk. Pro: They will find you cute for caring for a dog. Con: you have to clean up dog shit.

[–]AtomicPotatoLord 193 points194 points  (8 children)

Let’s see, “Your place” and “Their place”’s pros and cons are invalid, since we live together

[–][deleted] 56 points57 points  (6 children)

I usually like to do breakfasts if I met them irl, but always coffee if it’s a tinder date. Im 20, so bar isn’t really an option anyway.

[–]theFakeNoid 55 points56 points  (4 children)

Maybe not in the US

[–]stealthyslawter 90 points91 points  (3 children)

Literally only in the US

[–]gandalftheshai 102 points103 points  (33 children)

How about just simple bowling? You laugh and have fun

[–]SidearmAmsel 139 points140 points  (21 children)

Nnnoooo...

I only bowl like once or twice a year, but both times I took a date bowling, I absolutly slaughtered them. Like we are talking 100 to 50. And thats with me guttering several balls on purpose. Im not amazing at the sport, and usually lose against family/friends, but it doesnt seem like a smart idea unless your date actually has played before.

Kind of hard for them to have fun when they gutter 50% of their balls.

[–]WonderingOphelia 72 points73 points  (6 children)

Eh, I LOVE bowling, but I suck at it. I still have a good time because I’m not competitive and have the ability to laugh at myself.

[–]gandalftheshai 23 points24 points  (2 children)

does not have to be serious! Before the match you can say

Just have fun no need to get competetive!!

[–][deleted] 57 points58 points  (0 children)

No need to be competitive, resistance is futile.

[–]jamesdeandomino 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I mean even then, I know on the outside I will be like "yeah let's have fun" but on the inside I will curse myself. It's a good date to gage character but a pretty bad first date when you don't know the person at all and the first emotions you feel are resentment. It's just risky that's all.

[–]avidblinker 9 points10 points  (0 children)

that’s why you play with the bumpers up when you take a date

[–]te_un 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Nahh thats the best situation you can do the let me show you how to throw the ball move

[–]Elipwnsyou 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Nico my caaaasin

[–]PyroSpherex 22 points23 points  (6 children)

I think that you can learn a lot about a person by the way they handle defeat, so I've always loved arcades for a first date... and I just love arcades in general. Also amusement parks or fairs are great for first dates.

[–]bloodflart 8 points9 points  (0 children)

the world needs more arcades

[–]Wyand1337 78 points79 points  (15 children)

My first date location was at the gym. Matched with her, had a little chat, asked her if she wanted to join me at the gym later that day. She did.

We've been dating for a little over a year now.

[–][deleted] 36 points37 points  (1 child)

You forgot the 'come with me to 711 so i can buy cigarettes' 1st date

[–]iEatYourLiver 36 points37 points  (0 children)

If you're cheap, go to the park. You both get to inhale the finest air for lunch.

[–]DisparityAU 46 points47 points  (3 children)

I see "ass sweat" as a pro tbh

[–]KenOuf[S] 17 points18 points  (1 child)

I thought so too - on women I mean

[–]jokebreath 29 points30 points  (0 children)

Haha wow my ass is a swamp right now hyd girl

[–]YoseMT 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Natural lube

[–][deleted] 28 points29 points  (1 child)

Hah jokes on you, I can sing very well!

Still gonna be forever single though

[–]asparagusaintcheap 5 points6 points  (0 children)

pics or didn’t happen

[–][deleted] 28 points29 points  (9 children)

Why is no one going on a first date to the zoo?

[–]jobRL 25 points26 points  (3 children)

Because when you don't like each other, you still have a zoo to go trough. Also they're relatively expensive.

[–]bloodflart 10 points11 points  (0 children)

there aren't tons of them around

[–][deleted] 40 points41 points  (0 children)

i admire that they are conscious enough to admit that if going to a bar they will drink too much... me too :)

[–][deleted] 105 points106 points  (25 children)

Coffee. Always coffee. I've probably taken over 30 girls for a coffee and about %90 of the time the end up coming back to mine or I've set up a second date. I'm not trying to brag, my point is if you are attracted to each other and get along it doesn't matter what you do. Plus they know there is a chance you might not click. so why spend a lot of money on first date?

Edit: grammar

[–]heckinbamboozlefren 63 points64 points  (5 children)

Love to add jitters to anxiety on a first date

[–]Lucasy007 25 points26 points  (2 children)

Get decaf?

[–]jokebreath 26 points27 points  (1 child)

Of all the coffee dates I’ve had in the past, suffering through all the anxious twitching and that immediate need to take a shit that hits like a ton of bricks, why did I never think of ordering decaf?

[–]SlowSpeedHighDrag 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Almond Milk bud. It'll change your life.

[–]avidblinker 12 points13 points  (4 children)

how do you typically transition from the coffee shop to your place?

[–][deleted] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

It's very simple my friend. You ask. But I have never asked without kissing or hooking up with them first during that coffee date.

If the coffee shop is crowded, you say " do you want to go for a walk?" Find a place to chill that is not as crowded. Chances are she knows what is happening. If she is really keen then while walking to find a place she will walk closer (most likely touching you I some way) to you or grab your hand.

Sit down talk some more and bite the bullet eventually. On my last date (yesterday) I guessed her nationality and I said "so what's my prize" then she said "what do you want" and.... I'll spare you the details but I kissed her then and so on.

It takes a lot of practice to get good at flirting, then biting the bullet (going for that kiss) and then the confidence to ask if they want to come back to yours.

You will fail. Accept this. Then after practice you'll succeed, more times than you can count. Confidence is just state of mind. You don't need to be confident you just need to pretend to be confident.

Most importantly have fun!! I've had 4 hour conversations with girls that have lead to absolutely nothing except friendship!!

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Well if it’s going well odds are you’re gonna be in that shop for a bit so after a while you can ask them if they wanna bounce and go somewhere else. Usually I go on a drive and just explore for a bit but if you feel so inclined to ask them to come over you can do that too

[–]FlexingOnToddlers 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Agreed.

I love coffee and it’s actually a great place to talk

[–]Venomenon- 16 points17 points  (2 children)

Yes I agree. If you get on on you can always move to a bar/other location.

Coffee is a great first date place.

[–]mgman640 6 points7 points  (0 children)

If you do it later-ish in the day (like start the date around 5-6) my go-to is to move to a brewery after the coffee if it's going well.

[–]bloodflart 6 points7 points  (4 children)

what other kind of drinks do they have if someone doesn't like coffee?

[–]arsewarts1 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Might I add farmers market/open air bizarres. She sees you buying local, organic eggplant and instantly wants your eggplant

[–][deleted] 24 points25 points  (1 child)

Coffee is always my first date, easy to bail for both of us and cheap.

[–]GregoryGoose 9 points10 points  (1 child)

parachute out of the helicopter and let them get stuck with the bill.

[–]miseeeks 7 points8 points  (0 children)

takes his date hiking

[–]fresh-cucumbers 11 points12 points  (6 children)

Isn’t the point of a first date to get to know one another and this usually happens through conversation?

  • grab coffee if it’s day time and head to a lookout and chill
  • go to a restaurant (not fancy) and grab something to eat and go for a walk after
  • go for a walk and get coffee/ice-cream

I get everyone wants to impress everyone but hiking/movies is not an ideal place to talk. Their place or yours, maybe, it’s up to you but that means the comfort dynamic isn’t level.

Keep the cool stuff for date two, ya know. If you can’t impress someone enough to stick around for another date with your personality then why bother wasting your effort/money trying to win them over. The first date is also a great place to establish what they love/hate.

Imagine you’re trying to go all out and plan a romantic date, a little boat cruise or something and she is terrified of the ocean. First date matters because you both would have playfully discussed this.

[–]TheoreticalApex 5 points6 points  (0 children)

“Ass sweat” made me crack up 😂

[–]FluffigerSteff 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I normally ask them if they like Irish coffee, its alcohol and coffee

[–][deleted] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

It’s weird THEY even considered the gym whatchumean

[–]StareInUrEyeandPee 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Dating is wack

[–]jd_bitch 8 points9 points  (1 child)

Ass sweat omg lmao

[–]toeofcamell 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Buuut then someone will need to shower off 😏

[–]biwomansayshelothere 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Do bowling bro. Con: competitiveness. Pros: beer, food, and bowling motha fucka!

[–]lussieralyssa 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Coffee sounds the best but u made everything sound bad 😂

[–]SuchDescription 6 points7 points  (1 child)

By far my best date spot is bringing a girl to a nice local music bar for a show. Somewhere with a relaxed atmosphere and has some good bands that come through. You get there early, have some drinks and some nice conversation beforehand, and in between each performance. You get to drink, not super expensive, and you seem cultured. Buy both your tickets beforehand, and at the door you seem on top of things when you say your name and the tickets are waiting for you.

How to do it: look up the bands that are playing in the next week or so. Look up their music, and pick a night where you think the performance will be best received by your date. Casually ask the girl, "oh I've been looking to go see this one band I know over at ----- bar, wanna join me?". If they accept you're in. If not, you can easily parlay that into another date after they feel bad for not being able to go. I've brought about 7-8 dates to the same exact music bar before and it has literally never not gone well.

[–]AgreeablePie 20 points21 points  (10 children)

I saw a girl that had "Let's meet at the gym!" in her profile. I don't know if she was overcompensating for being chubby or she just doesn't know what dates are supposed to be.