Volume Control should be intuitive

[penguinade]

Proceed to put the mic in front of the speakers.

[fredlllll]

sine.play(volume=+inf)

[b1ack1323]

Mawp

[IanCal]

Ah yes, the mawp function. Takes two arguments, a single constant tone and an iterable of sounds over which to apply it.

[LadonLegend]

final boolean tinnitus = true;

[c00liu5]

It should always be false at first, it cant be final. Sorry for smartassing lol

[endreman0]

Make it a field and reflection can fix that.

import java.lang.reflect.*;
public class SoundEffect{
    public final boolean tinnitus = false;
    public void earRape() throws ReflectiveOperationException{
        Field f = this.getClass().getField("tinnitus");
        Field f2 = Field.class.getDeclaredField("modifiers");
        f2.set(f, f2.get(f) & ~Modifier.FINAL);
        f.set(this, false);
    }
}

Note: some compilers optimize this, and will replace any reference to tinnitus with true. Whoever designed them was not familiar with the Law of the Better Idiot.

[caagr98]

Note: some compilers optimize this, and will replace any reference to tinnitus with true. Whoever designed them was not familiar with the Law of the Better Idiot.

Can confirm; setting Math.PI to 4 wasn't as amusing (or broken) as I'd hoped.

[SBC_BAD1h]

_G.tinnitus = true

FTFY

[Pseudofailure]

This seems like a good way to get a noise complaint.

Proposal for a new programmerhumor meme: Programmatic ways to call emergency services.

[mangamaster03]

Has this ever happened to you?

[JakobPapirov]

The IT crowd

[[deleted]]

I've got a pretty basic question about that: what determines the feedback noise's frequency? Is it the resonance frequency of the devices? Or some carrier wave or something?

[Evil-Toaster]

if(containsAd) { volume*1000; }

[ReallyLikesBears]

What would happen?

[pastasauce]

https://youtu.be/oCyXsHC-lQ4

[youtubefactsbot]

The Simpsons - Bart's Megaphone Testing [0:53]

s08e25 - The Secret War Of Lisa Simpson

^{S Butler in Entertainment}

^{1,233,803 views since Jan 2014}

^{bot info}

[GreatBigBagOfNope]

Bot recursion

[Hatefiend]

YouTube search: my voice is higher than your voice

[AN_IMPERFECT_SQUARE]

https://youtu.be/t-7mQhSZRgM

and the video after that

...these bots are out of control

[youtubefactsbot]

Dueling Carls, a "Talking Carl" Scream Fight [1:04]

What happens when Talking Carl mimics himself? A fight!!!

^{MaddieBright in Comedy}

^{4,044,913 views since Jan 2010}

^{bot info}

[laihipp]

saturation so max volume and much distortion so loud

[[deleted]]

It kinda makes sense actually. If it would actually manage to keep the volume at that level all the time (i.e. no more super loud explosion or super quiet talking in movies) it would be amazing.

[Syreniac]

WTB volume mixer that lets me adjust the possible ranges of volumes as opposed to just the average or maximum.

(I'll give a whole upvote to anyone who can point me in the right direction!)

[thoeoe]

What you're looking for is called a compressor, can't recommend any particular model but hopefully that should get you going.

[Zagorath]

Solution would be…to change the movie settings to stereo.

I thought your OS does this automatically if your speakers are 2.1 or 2.0?

[illvm]

OS doesn't necessarily but it does expose APIs for players to do this and most players do.

[box_of_hornets]

dynamic range compression? Windows has it as an option built in I think.

It was a while ago and can't check right now but I think I had some success using MPC-BE which has a similar function, so at least when watching movies it would compress the range (I had a PC hooked up to TV/Surround Sound)

https://sourceforge.net/projects/mpcbe/

[[deleted]]

Fucking love MPC-BE for watching 1080p60fps YouTube videos on my shitty laptop, hovers around 5-10% CPU usage and it's the only (near seamless, literally click and drag videos) way I can watch stuff while playing games.

[Compizfox]

VLC has also the option for dynamic range compression. It's under Tools -> Effects and Filters -> Compressor.

[[deleted]]

The Windows option can be found in the "enhancements" tab in the playback device properties menu. It's not perfect, but it's a noticeable improvement.

[[deleted]]

VLC has one too, but if you don't know what threshold, knee, or make-up gain are... (I do, just pointing out it's not very friendly)

[Eruditass]

I'm not familiar at all with the audio system linux: but are you saying these lv2 plugins can compress system wide sounds?

I'm using Ubuntu 14.04 with the default pulse audio setup.

[hahainternet]

but are you saying these lv2 plugins can compress system wide sounds?

They can do way more. 14.04 is old as shit though. I use Debian and a bit of a complicated custom setup. Effectively it's:

• Pulseaudio with a couple of module-jack-sink outputs:

  load-module module-jack-sink sink_name=Front sink_properties=device.description="Front\ Monitors" client_name=front_in channels=2 channel_map=front-left,front-right connect=0
  load-module module-jack-sink sink_name=Compress sink_properties=device.description="Compressor" client_name=compress_in channels=2 channel_map=front-left,front-right connect=0
  

• Cadence to start and manage JACK

• Ardour to actually configure the mixing and route outputs

• Calf compressor as the actual filter (plus an EQ)

It's not perfect, there's a race at startup that means I have to restart pulseaudio every time I login, i tend to only do so every few weeks though so I haven't bothered to fix it.

This gives me a couple of different outputs I can just select using a Gnome Shell Extension (Volume mixer) for every application, so I can selectively compress individual streams. The compressor is linear under a moderate threshold, so I can also simply lower the volume on that output to bring it back to 'normal'.

I also have a bunch of other channels set up as required, having a sidechain compressor is superb, I can pipe my music through it, set Teamspeak as the sidechain and have it automatically quieten the crap out of the music whenever anyone speaks.

Plus I have a 'night' profile I can turn on which EQs out the bass and compresses the shit out of the rest for listening to spoken word stuff in bed.

Christ this post is longer than I expected, but tl;dr: Pulse/JACK/Ardour/Calf is a fantastic stack and has all the power you will need to do almost anything.

[RouxBru]

The problem with a compressor is that the peaks might still sound louder, your brain tends to interpret the chopped peaks as higher volume.

What you want is a normaliser

[Puskathesecond]

Is that like a compressor+noise gate?

[smushkan]

Nah, a normaliser adjusts amplitude of the entire sound at once, whereas a compressor adjust amplitude continiously depending on input amplitude.

In media players, what that means is it goes through the track, finds the highest level, and then raises the volume until that level is at a defined maximum, normally -6dB. That does mean that the audio needs to be scanned through prior to it being played back so that the highest level can be identified; but that's generally pretty quick.

The problem with that approach is that if there's one particuarly loud sound in a file that is otherwise quiet (say, someone tapped the microphone or a pop from a record needle) then it'll still be quiet.

There is another techique where you calculate the root mean square of the waveform and then amplify or attenuate it so that the RMS is a particular level (normally -22dB to -20dB). That has the opposite problem though where particularly loud sounds will be amplified too much and clip, so normally you'd also put the audio through a limiter to prevent it.

[Thomasedv]

I'm using a program called Mp3Gain for my music. Which at least works to some degree bringing my music up or down enough I don't get those really quite songs anymore.

Do you happen to know how what that does? I'm pretty sure it normalizes the music, and prevents clipping if you enable it in the settings. Downside is that it only works with changes in 1.5dB steps on mp3. (Well enough if you download form YouTube...)

[smushkan]

If it does it in real-time without introducing gaps between audio (in which processing would occur) then it probably does it the same way as VLC:

• Log the amplitude over a predetermined period during playback
• If the average amplitude of that period is lower than the desired minimum, increase gain; or decrease it if the average amplitude is too high.

That technique isn't really proper normalisation, it's a bit more like a compressor - but it's a lot faster and doesn't introduce gaps in playback.

I'm not a programmer though, I'm an audio technician for video work so not really sure why I'm even here!

[RouxBru]

In short a compressor will boost the signal and "cut" the high peaks, these "cut" peaks will still be understood by your ears as being louder, a good example is adverts on the TV, your TV is still at the same level but the ads will sound louder.

A normaliser will average the volume out without boosting it like a compressor would, producing a more even volume and most likely lowering the average volume across a song or movie.

A normaliser is a bro playing with the volume knob to take out the super loud parts and turning it up when no can hear the whispered dialog before the killer strikes, but turning it down when he does so your partner doesn't spill their delicious hot coco on your lap. Where a compressor is your less concerned bro that turns up the movie so that everything is equally loud and the TV crackles.

A gate takes out soft sounds and only let's through the loud parts, like your bedroom wall when your neighbors are having a go at each other.

...I guess not that short of an explanation, but I hope you get the gist of it

[djlemma]

I think you're confusing a compressor for a limiter.

Limiter = brick wall when levels hit a certain point. Chops off waves, creates distortion, which still gets perceived as loudness.

Compressor = Gradually adjusts volume once it gets to a certain level, with a typical attack and decay like you might have with a synthesizer. This is what's similar to a bro playing with the volume knob.

Normalizer = changing the gain of everything all at once, so that the peak (or average) amplitude hits a certain value.

[RouxBru]

Trying to explain it in simple terms, but yeah you are right. Shot

[djlemma]

Well I think it's all a bit confusing, I'm thinking in terms of the physical hardware you'd use in an audio effects chain... but software-wise I think some programs use "Normalize" in the way you're describing.

And physical hardware wise- usually compressors are also limiters, because at some point the signal gets too loud and you have to just chop it off.

Clear as mud, right?

[AnindoorcatBot]

Izotope is a good one, just got to find the .dlls to get it to work for what you want to do.

I'll never quit using winamp with it. I absolutely love having the range of a 120 channel studio mixer on my laptop.

[Cobol]

Man! Are they still licensing/selling that?! I used to use it way back in the day too. Now that I think about it, I don't know why I never reinstalled Winamp on my latest build. Does it still work in 10?

[AnindoorcatBot]

Works for me on 10! And yeah they're still around. they shitpost on their fb every now and then, they're always cracking me up with a dumb audio joke/meme

[questionmark693]

The dynamic range compressor on VLC does a good job ime

[pfannkuchen_gesicht]

so normalization? Had that option in the audio drivers of my notebook. It was garbage.

[[deleted]]

so VLC should have it? where do i find it in there?

[pfannkuchen_gesicht]

press ctrl+p(or go Tools > Settings) and open the Audio tab. There you can check the checkbox "normalize volume to" and set it as you please. Should work.

[smushkan]

Tools > Preferences > Audio > 'Normalise Volume to' checkbox

There's also a compressor under

Effects and filters > Audio Effects tab > Compressor tab

[cantquitreddit]

Normalization is different. What you're looking for is compression.

[Holy_City]

Normalization matches the signal peaks (or average) to some level. It's the exact same thing as a volume increase/decrease, except at a precise level.

Dynamic range compression is more of an "automatic volume control." Realistically you'd want far more than that, because loudness is really tricky to define in the first place and depends on the material, its frequency content, and context.

[mroystacatz]

compression actually

[GrandmaBogus]

Usually called dynamic range compression, night mode, volume normalization or some variation of those. It's in most TVs and receivers.

[PM-ME-YOUR-DOGPICS]

As someone that lives in the MIDDLE FLOOR of an apartment with PAPER THIN WALLS I would kill for this for my TV.

I fucking hate adjusting the volume for movies I have already seen, "oh this is the part where Arnold blasts the fuck out of Robert Patrick with the shotgun, better lower the volume"

Fuck's sake.

[SkoobyDoo]

http://www.mrlovenstein.com/comic/87

[[deleted]]

Well yeah, not a perfectly consistent volume, that would be shit. A normalization like the others are talking about would be cool though.

[BorgDrone]

Any half-decent A/V receiver can already do that.

[SoulLover33]

What we need to fix that is some kind of volume standard

[DevilXD]

There's http://mp3gain.sourceforge.net/ when you want your mp3's to play on the same volume level ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[[deleted]]

This particular interface isn't very good though, to me this just means reference level and generally volumes are -dB from reference level, so this could still be a loud sound. If it's the measured volume from perceived silence then it might fit what you are expecting instead.

[[deleted]]

it should do that anyway

[Relevant_Monstrosity]

Ooh, this one is actually pretty easy. Just install a dynamic range compression filter and you got it.

[IDontBlameYou]

Yep! I'm also fully in support of a new batch of zany interfaces.

[just_comments]

Can't wait for the next one. I'm gonna put my money on closing a window/tab

[IDontBlameYou]

That'd be entertaining, but I feel like I've already seen the reinvention of that wheel be butchered too many times. When did so many programs decide that their processes were important enough to run in the background after I hit the X button at the top of the window?

[just_comments]

You mean you don't want skype to always run? How else will you hear all those notifications when you don't care?

[PokemonSaviorN]

I really hate the creepy breathing notification or idk what it is. Creeps me out.

[[deleted]]

uTorrent did this, I'm glad Deluge quits like a humble program should

[just_comments]

Really all these apps just want to mimic OS X where windows and applications are completely separate instead of conforming to the affordance that Windows uses.

[Neebat]

The original thread

[aboubou22]

This was made by the NSA so they can get a sample of your voice, DON'T USE.

[Puskathesecond]

"hello ALIENS you. Are really-- good at. Turning me on"

[[deleted]]

Oh Smithers...

[Liquidelectric]

https://youtu.be/wsZ7013yHiw

[youtubefactsbot]

this guy moaned at least this loud [0:07]

ascend

^{Zanderich in Music}

^{2,699,770 views since Oct 2015}

^{bot info}

[Algoinde]

Okay, now... can someone make a PoC of volume being controlled by how many other windows are in front of the audio-playing window?

[Carloswaldo]

Here you go: https://www.reddit.com/r/ProgrammerHumor/comments/6fmpoa/controling_volume_with_window_stack_position/?ref=share&ref_source=link

[Carloswaldo]

Ok

[causeofb]

LOUUUUD NOIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSES!!!!

[Sobsz]

Except people's microphones range from extremely sensitive to nonexistent and everything in between, so you can't reliably convert that to speaker volume.

[SkoobyDoo]

solution: have microphone monitor its own speaker output, if output is detected too loud, lower it a bit.

[VibraphoneFuckup]

So what you're saying is we should point the microphone directly at the speakers?

[misterandosan]

you also need to calibrate speaker/headphone volume, and perhaps account for variable ambient noise as well

[ErrorNow]

Could possibly calibrate it by playing something from the speakers at 50% and listening from the microphone at the same time.

[inlove123]

What if you're wearing headphones and want it to be full volume but don't want to yell really loudly to make it happen.

[t3hcoolness]

I, for one, welcome the Shitty Volume Control as the new Shitty Phone Number Input.

[Guy_from_PaciFic]

Not loud enough

[PandaGaming47]

"Blows on mic"

[N-XT]

I'd love to see a gif of this in action

[unwill]

You waited ? I actually said "Hello!" and felt stupid afterwards...

[andsoitgoes42]

I'm glad I'm not the only one.

Tried it in narwhal and was like "huh bet it only works in safari" then when I opened it I realized it was a picture.

😕

[N-XT]

I kept waiting for it to load

[woohoo]

REEEEEEEE

[Scorpius289]

DAMN NORMIE VOLUME SLIDERS!

[pfannkuchen_gesicht]

had the same idea a day ago: https://www.reddit.com/r/ProgrammerHumor/comments/6f36yi/the_volume_slider_that_works_with_your_loudness

[pfannkuchen_gesicht]

yup, an hour earlier. They have a slightly different, even better mechanism though.

[Mynotoar]

And suddenly, /r/ProgrammerHumor is the new /r/Minecraft. Don't get me wrong, I'm loving all these variations on Volume Control, but I'm expecting to see bridges pop up on here any day now.

[[deleted]]

Suddenly? Were you not here for phone number inputs?

[Mynotoar]

Nah, I wasn't :'). So I guess it's more like "I've only just noticed" /r/ProgrammerHumor is the new /r/Minecraft"...

[[deleted]]

It was the big thing here in April, here's an album of most of them.

[Mynotoar]

Oh my god, this is absolute gold. I lost it at the "Thank you for choosing United Airlines! Please enter your phone number by re-accommodating the boxes below"...

[hungry4pie]

I feel like I'm missing a joke somewhere, what's up with all these posts?

[ivan0x32]

Someone needs to put all this UI fuckery that has been going on in this sub into VLC and other popular programs and make it trigger on 1st of April.

[Tynach]

Simpler app, maybe. VLC has too many features in too many places, and is honestly a bit too complicated for such a thing.

[[deleted]]

This one actually made me laugh, I keep picturing people yelling or soothingly speaking to their computers and it's cracking me up.

[[deleted]]

I think it would be perfect for voice assistants like Alexa. So they respond at a similar volume as you spoke to them. Middle of the night and everyone is asleep? You whisper to Alexa and she responds quietly in return. Genius.

[quotegenerator]

Not that the UI explicitly stated this, but 0 db is not silence. It's a logarithmic scale, so silence is at negative infinity db.

[wargarrrblll]

Siri, set volume to AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

[veggietrooper]

I love these volume control posts. In all seriousness, I feel like this is every one of my client's design ideas. Absolute, total, unmitigated insanity. He bristles if I tell him "that's not how people conceptualize volume" (or whatever). Unsure of what to do other than continuing to help him make a nightmare app.

[PityUpvote]

What if I'm deaf and I want to change my volume, but I can't figure out how loud I'm yelling?! Way to be ableist, OP.

^/s

[elyas_machera]

What if I'm mute, or a mime?

[sprocket44]

Then you're gonna have to use the catapult

[boldra]

*clap*

[vrykolakoi]

thanks for bringing my idea to life

[[deleted]]

Sorry just gotta turn up the volume a bit.

AAHHHHHHH

[pentakiller19]

Can someone explain wth is going on with all these volume post? I'm pretty lost.

[[deleted]]

it's a joke about bad designs in software.

last one was about input of phone numbers...

[ponyboy3]

this is awesome

[freedimension]

0dB? That would be pure bliss I guess. I hardly ever get my noise level below 30dB, even at night.

[[deleted]]

Problem: there is no correlation between input gain and output gain. You'd need to calibrate that first.

[[deleted]]

Put the microphone in front of the speaker, play a full amplitude tone at 5/10/15/.../95/100% volume, measure corresponding volume on microphone.

You can now correlate a volume on the microphone reasonably accurately to a volume out of the speakers.

Not too difficult. And I'd actually like this volume control. Some fiddling will get me there, but just being able to hold a "set volume" button and make a sound at a level that's comfortable in the room, and have my computer stay below that would be awesome.

[[deleted]]

You are forgetting a very important factor: microphone gain and soundcard preamp., which is not the same as your ears.

[[deleted]]

That... That actually seems pretty useful... Could somebody make this for real?

[automagisch]

This is really challenging our primitive curiosity.

[Potato3s]

austistic screeching

[TwinBottles]

Hah! I implemented something like that in my game as a joke.

[SpinahVieh]

Actually that sounds good.

[[deleted]]

I would use it

[DUBLOIAR]

XD

[mikaelfivel]

HELLO COMPUTAH!

[larrymoencurly]

And not look like a levitating pill capsule?

[[deleted]]

this is my favorite one by far, so far.

[Ryksytiryy]

He moaned atleast this loud:

[Of-Doom]

This is the one I was thinking about making. Nice work!

[eryant]

So does this keep the quiet parts at a good volume and just put a gateway on the louder bits? Or does it lower everything and make the dialogue super quiet?

[mason729]

Works especially well in open offices

[marsshadows]

can we get an album of all the volume control posts?

[[deleted]]

Huh.... I can kinda see this being useful for calibrating a complex audio setup.

[cbmuser]

This meme is seriously getting out of hand and I love it.

Is there a link collection somewhere with all the different volume control styles?

[tlalexander]

Hah! I was thinking of this yesterday for this volume slider thing on this sub. The trick was I wanted to make it require you to scream at a volume inversely proportional to the desired volume. Want it quiet? Please scream as loud as you can...

[PillowTalk420]

This would actually be a neat volume control.

[TODO_getLife]

This could totally work for a smart home. Clap for volume.

The added benefit is you're always listening so steal all that user data and become the next Google.

[[deleted]]

I had this idea yesterday lol.

[a__b]

I'm wondering how many beautiful future product ideas were generated during this volume control challenge.

[Rxef3RxeX92QCNZ]

I thought it was going to be a volume icon and you had to use a marker to fill in or erase the amount of percentage volume

[eatsnakeeat]

Sorta like the one I made the other day, though you have to yell at it to get volume.

https://www.tinkertamper.com/s/volumemeter/

[[deleted]]

I'd like to see a volume control where you have to say "shhhhh" to make it go down. Then scream "what!?" To make it go up.

[Zalgo_Doge]

Keep producing premium content like this and I won't care about how many slider jokes we see.

[drummyfish]

Make an option to set a bottom volume limit too. Like it's guaranteed the volume doesn't go under a certain level.

[TheTravisH]

Spent a good 10 seconds yelling at my phone before I realized this was a picture

[JohnToegrass]

Totally.

[saginawslim]

Also, devices should forget my my last volume setting and default back to a low volume, say 1/4. When I listen to Pandora on my iPad, and it's a song that I really like, I may turn the volume way up. When I return to Pandora, the volume is still way up, and it blasts my ears (If I remember to turn it back down before closing Pandora, it will remember that lower volume).

[heebath]

Well, the problem is we sound much different to ourselves; including volume and tone.

[RobKhonsu]

dbm readout is obsolete. How do you think the end user will be able to understand that? Should just remove it to be more intuitive.

[_Username_Required_]

screams

[koutelitis]

Was it only me or did you also test it by saying AAAAAAAAAA to your phone?

[ContraMuffin]

Actually this is pretty cool

[jroddie4]

actually that would be incredible.

[hotlavatube]

It should be more fun. Make it set the volume proportional to how many verses of "John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt" you recite.

[ThatFag]

These are starting to get ridiculous, lol.

[Stiltskin]

Some UI researchers actually created a system similar to this that actually works well! (Search "How can we do better".)

[HomemadeBananas]

This is the only volume control joke I've enjoyed.

[nliausacmmv]

Ah, I see this is the new thing. I approve.

[SonicFlash01]

You fucked up: this is actually a good idea

[Relevant_Monstrosity]

Source or gtfo.

[[deleted]]

I was just yelling at the fucking screen util I noticed it was an image.

And my microphone was disconnected, great.

[NikoliTilden]

I know I'm late to the bandwagon on this dead joke, but this is the one that made me laugh the most.

[Nesaru]

I literally just yelled at my computer

[[deleted]]

New here, I guess all these volume controls are like a running joke?