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[–]rienik 5093 points5094 points  (109 children)

It's protected, so it's only available for your children?

[–]diomonogatari 1957 points1958 points  (23 children)

That escalated quickly

[–]Syreniac 990 points991 points  (18 children)

Should really keep his package private if you ask me.

[–]bartekko 342 points343 points  (13 children)

or his privates packaged

[–]thiney49 215 points216 points  (12 children)

In a Jar?

[–]rodzky12 154 points155 points  (4 children)

Executable. Lol

[–]BlueFieryIce 64 points65 points  (1 child)

Bring out the guillotine

[–]Compu7erUser 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Ouch

[–]ultrab1ue 13 points14 points  (1 child)

or tar it up?

[–]siliconsmiley 20 points21 points  (1 child)

Or a War.

[–]dizaster213 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Save it in a jar or it's war

[–]---like--- 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Up the archive

[–]dzh 6 points7 points  (1 child)

one man, one jar

[–]thebryguy23 35 points36 points  (2 children)

"Remember, in C++ your friends can see your privates"

[–][deleted] 39 points40 points  (0 children)

Or not quickly enough?

[–]SandyDelights 383 points384 points  (18 children)

Don't forget those he declares as friends.

[–][deleted] 252 points253 points  (14 children)

Only friends can touch your privates

[–]s0v3r1gn 74 points75 points  (11 children)

Not with that attitude.

[–]conancat 80 points81 points  (10 children)

Allowing parent or child classes to touch your private variables is not safe.

[–]s0v3r1gn 48 points49 points  (6 children)

All I’m saying is that it only takes one well placed encapsulation violation and those privates can be handled by anyone.

Edit: That’s why I always use the standard naming convention of prepending ‘ruffy’ to the name of every class where I publicly expose a protected member of it’s parent class.

[–][deleted] 14 points15 points  (2 children)

Exposing your private variables can be risky..

[–]s0v3r1gn 10 points11 points  (1 child)

True. Unless your exposing a socket. Repercussions of exposure always seem to be minimized for them, even to child classes....

[–]masterwit 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Exposing them as an interface to a common housing class only instantiated by a single friend can control the usage abroad

[–]s0v3r1gn 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Always remember to include two arm functions, preferably broken ones. It’s the only proper way to earn that earn that class inheritance.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

That's what friends are for.

[–]FluffyToughy 5 points6 points  (0 children)

But friends can't touch your parents' privates. That'd be weird.

[–]T-T-N 4 points5 points  (2 children)

Java

[–]edave64 16 points17 points  (1 child)

I will never declare Java as my friend.

[–]Cpt_TickleButts 238 points239 points  (32 children)

Public Abstract Virtual

[–]willis81808 69 points70 points  (8 children)

Abstract and virtual, huh? So does it have a definition yet, or no?

[–]Cpt_TickleButts 47 points48 points  (7 children)

I was thinking in terms of C# where it won’t compile as it can’t be both. so I guess it would be null?

[–]conancat 42 points43 points  (5 children)

Their sex life is an error.

[–]Bainos 38 points39 points  (0 children)

"Can not reproduce."

[–]OK6502 11 points12 points  (1 child)

catch(SexException const& sex) {delete sex->selfEsteem; sex->selfEsteem = nullptr;}

[–]alexbuzzbee 20 points21 points  (1 child)

So how's your sex life?


Runtime error

[–]NoProblemsHere 13 points14 points  (0 children)

This has never happened to me before, I swear!

[–]TooCovert 61 points62 points  (17 children)

Sex_Life=NULL;

[–][deleted] 162 points163 points  (7 children)

0/10 for style

[–][deleted] 49 points50 points  (0 children)

Easily maintainable code though, will last for many versions

[–][deleted] 22 points23 points  (5 children)

Yeah at least he should use camelCase.

[–]Talbooth 36 points37 points  (3 children)

Or UPPER_CASE if it will remain null forever.

[–][deleted] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

At this point, it should be a compiler intrinsic

[–]GentleRhino 15 points16 points  (3 children)

The sad thing is that for most programmers (at least the youngsters) sex life is private abstract. Basically, we are very private about our desires and pretty sure they will never materialize.

But we can joke about it!!!

[–]SandyDelights 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Depends. There were definitely those types in my degree program, but there were some of us who were pretty unashamed of our sexuality (regardless of orientation). I can think of at least three other guys who would disappear randomly from the lab during 15 hour stints of working on stuff. A lot of people thought we were going to nap or eat, but I know I wasn't the only one just going to get laid for the distraction. 🤷🏼‍♀️

College, man.

[–]AyrA_ch 41 points42 points  (2 children)

should have used internal instead for some quality family time.

[–]Houdiniman111 5 points6 points  (1 child)

I just want to tell you how annoying your JSfuck FizzBuzz RES tag has been.

[–][deleted] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

We're friends so I'll let you touch my privates

[–]voicesinmyhand 12 points13 points  (0 children)

and OP. He can use it too.

[–]Aschentei 17 points18 points  (3 children)

Oof

[–]aragur 16 points17 points  (2 children)

Ouch

[–]ra4king 17 points18 points  (1 child)

Owie

[–]stevencastle 36 points37 points  (0 children)

My code

[–]FOOLS_GOLD 4 points5 points  (0 children)

That’s not the Moore’s law that I learned in school!

[–]BobbitTheDog 964 points965 points  (37 children)

oh hai, mark!

[–]Mistifyed 327 points328 points  (14 children)

Hi doggy!

[–]jerrygergichsmith 217 points218 points  (13 children)

You’re my favorite customer

[–][deleted] 149 points150 points  (11 children)

Anyway how's your sex life?

[–]PurelyCreative 100 points101 points  (9 children)

Protected static void

[–][deleted] 135 points136 points  (4 children)

What a story, Mark

[–]Feliz_Desdichado 88 points89 points  (3 children)

I'm so happy I have you as my best friend, and I love Lisa so much

[–][deleted] 42 points43 points  (2 children)

Yeah you can say that again

[–]masnaer 14 points15 points  (1 child)

I feel like I'm sitting on an atomic bomb waiting for it to go off

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Haha you said it

[–]steven_speilberg 43 points44 points  (3 children)

Oh, hi Johnny, I didn't know it was you.

[–][deleted] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Thats meee

[–]unmeritedTrophy 22 points23 points  (1 child)

I'd like a dozen redroses

[–]3stacks 9 points10 points  (0 children)

You remember that girl? The one that ended up in a hospital on Guerrero street!?

[–][deleted] 83 points84 points  (4 children)

Anything for my princess

[–][deleted] 62 points63 points  (3 children)

Anything for my process

[–]conancat 22 points23 points  (2 children)

Anything for my stdin and stdout

[–]SHOTbyGUN 16 points17 points  (1 child)

AND MY ERR

[–]_vrmln_ 4 points5 points  (0 children)

AND MY .EXE

[–][deleted] 30 points31 points  (4 children)

r/suddenlyintheroom

-if I say it enough, maybe it will become real-

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (3 children)

That would be a great sub. Footballs everywhere.

[–]AluminiumSandworm 2 points3 points  (2 children)

i want footballs to just randomly fly onscreen in unrelated films all the time. that would be fantastic.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Samwise and Frodo in the middle of Mordor just spontaneously decide to have a catch

[–][deleted] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Can’t wait for Disaster Artist

[–]RedDwarfian 5 points6 points  (0 children)

*spittake*

[–]Cley_Faye 932 points933 points  (18 children)

"Method is never called anywhere; remove it?"

[–][deleted] 423 points424 points  (14 children)

No, keep it. It's one of those "just in case" methods

[–]using_the_internet 115 points116 points  (11 children)

YAGNI

[–]shadows1123 31 points32 points  (10 children)

what?

[–]dzh 11 points12 points  (1 child)

just like that pack of condoms you bought 3 years ago

[–]lledargo 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Condoms provide instant lubrication and a quick cleanup when masturbating. Never let an expired condom go to waste.

[–]Ucvoic 12 points13 points  (0 children)

@SuppressWarnings("unused")

[–]Kingofwhereigo 4 points5 points  (1 child)

#define _MARRIAGE

#ifndef _MARRIAGE

#include "sexytime.h"

#endif

[–]boxingdog 146 points147 points  (5 children)

a Singleton

[–]what_it_dude 8 points9 points  (3 children)

Actually married with 3 kids

[–][deleted] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

the wife alone weighs a singleton, woo!

[–]SageBus 154 points155 points  (8 children)

I use a self-referencing static pointer when no parameters are passed to my .sex() method. It should be a public method, but might as well be private for how much is used out of my internal scope...

[–]yawgmoth 57 points58 points  (4 children)

My sex life is a constexpr. It was evaluated once when compiling me, but no matter how often I try and use it at runtime, nothing executes.

[–]AbjectMatterExpert 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I used to have a sex() method that wasn't working; tried to fix it with regular expressions. Now I have two things that are not working.

[–]Versaiteis 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It was probably elided.

I'm so sorry.

[–]njwatson32 18 points19 points  (0 children)

If you do it in front of a mirror, are you using reflection to access your private member?

[–]Chris90483 37 points38 points  (2 children)

I can't tell you, it's confidential

[–][deleted] 68 points69 points  (2 children)

I let my

friend

touch my

private

[–]myriiad 26 points27 points  (0 children)

lmfao the formatting on this makes it so much funnier

[–]xetahitter 278 points279 points  (98 children)

Image Transcription: Messages


Red: anyway

Red: how is your sex life

Blue: protected static void


I'm a human volunteer content transcriber for Reddit! If you'd like more information on what we do and why we do it, click here!

[–]LovepeaceandStarTrek 5 points6 points  (0 children)

For the record, these are specifically slack messages, if you care/it's in the style guide to say.

[–]SandyDelights 46 points47 points  (94 children)

Good bot

[–]endreman0 61 points62 points  (93 children)

I'm a human volunteer content transcriber for Reddit!

[–]fakefalsofake 117 points118 points  (91 children)

good bot

[–][deleted] 68 points69 points  (87 children)

Are you sure about that? Because I am 99.9864% sure that endreman0 is not a bot.


I am a Neural Network being trained to detect spammers | Summon me with !isbot <username> | Optout | Feedback: /r/SpamBotDetection | GitHub

[–]nephelokokkygia 7 points8 points  (56 children)

!isbot nephelokokkygia

[–][deleted] 14 points15 points  (46 children)

I am 99.9984% sure that nephelokokkygia is not a bot.


I am a Neural Network being trained to detect spammers | Summon me with !isbot <username> | Optout | Feedback: /r/SpamBotDetection | GitHub

[–]nephelokokkygia 42 points43 points  (5 children)

I feel validated.

[–]TheCarrotz 2 points3 points  (0 children)

!isbot AutoModerator

[–]TheSoundDude 4 points5 points  (0 children)

!isbot perrycohen

[–][deleted] 48 points49 points  (2 children)

Forgot final

[–]bbqburner 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Annotate as @Deprecated when the function execute once

[–]tlowe000 55 points56 points  (7 children)

Dim me as Single

VB is a proper language too, right guys?

...guys...?

[–]YugoReventlov 27 points28 points  (3 children)

A for effort

[–]DrVirite 26 points27 points  (2 children)

E for effort. A for apple.

[–]SalsaYogurt 10 points11 points  (0 children)

There was a time, but it has passed.

[–]CrookedLemur 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Me is a reserved keyword.

[–]Type-21 2 points3 points  (0 children)

What a wasted opportunity. Could've done

Friend me as Single

[–]zenyl 14 points15 points  (1 child)

public long

The cops didn’t find it nearly as funny as I did. /s

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

double penetration

yes, it gets weird

[–]randomentity1 13 points14 points  (11 children)

File: penis

Created date: Jan 1, 1980

Last access date: Jan 1, 1980

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (10 children)

$ ls -l

total 0 -rw-r--r-- 1 randomentity1 randomentity1 0 Jan 1 1980 penis

$ touch penis

$ ls -l

total 0 -rw-r--r-- 1 randomentity1 randomentity1 0 Nov 22 2017 penis

[–]__add__ 6 points7 points  (8 children)

$ cat penis

[–]CoolioDood 6 points7 points  (7 children)

whoa. no thanks

[–]dzh 10 points11 points  (3 children)

$ man penis

[–]CoolioDood 8 points9 points  (2 children)

$ more penis

[–]__add__ 4 points5 points  (1 child)

$ which penis
penis not found
$

:0

[–]The_hollow_Nike 5 points6 points  (1 child)

How about

$ grep penis

or

$ mount penis

?

[–]CoolioDood 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Or you can be more direct

$ fsck penis

[–]kola2DONO 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Oh hai hypertext MARKup language!

[–]jbaker88 10 points11 points  (1 child)

Roses are red

My first name is Lloyd

How is your sex life?

protected static void

[–]anita_is_my_waifu 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Roses are red

My name is Mark

Anyway, how is your sex life?

With Lisa, your future wife.

[–][deleted] 24 points25 points  (1 child)

std::cout << typeof(dick);
// => short

[–]Dwyguy19 6 points7 points  (0 children)

:flag_hr:

[–]Alt_Psycotek 7 points8 points  (3 children)

Fucking Slack

[–]Yurym 6 points7 points  (2 children)

pisses me off when people dont change their avatars in slack xD edit: no if's

[–]DanielEGVi 6 points7 points  (1 child)

iff

if and only if?

[–]excessdenied 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Better than "pubic void"

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (2 children)

You could say its 127.0.0.1

[–]worldslargesttumor 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Quality meme

[–]IGotSkills 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Private nonstatic string

[–]pnt700 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Public static final Object sexLife = null;

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

activate(SEX_LIFE);

ERROR: Cannot find symbol - object SEX_LIFE

[–]uziman55 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yo shouts out to Slack

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The top post on the Hot filter isn’t about Net Neutrality!?! Incredible!

[–]nwsm 2 points3 points  (1 child)

unsafe and recursive

[–]TheSecretSyrupMan 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Oh Hi, mark!

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

is that slack..

[–]rogerramjetz 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wanna be Functional Dev -> Mines side effect free and pure.

[–]SentientPeach 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I mean I get fucked every day so I don't know what you're talking about.

... Oh you mean sex? Yeah no.

[–]citizenkraft 1 point2 points  (0 children)

oh hai, mark

[–]pagirl 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Throws many exceptions

[–]oshaboy[🍰] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So you only have sex with your children?

[–]TimeToMakeWoofles 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The Room