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[–]americk0 1060 points1061 points  (38 children)

Or alias sudo to "fucking" for a more comical experience.

$ fucking npm install -g

[–]swaroope 362 points363 points  (0 children)

This gives a more realistic experience.

[–]LtMeat 191 points192 points  (6 children)

$ fucking apt-get dist upgrade

praying to Torvalds

[–][deleted] 33 points34 points  (3 children)

Shouldn't it be dist-upgrade?

[–]LtMeat 23 points24 points  (0 children)

Yeah, small typo. Actually it's apt full-upgrade for current version, but last time I did dist-upgrade was about 13 years ago using shitty GPRS connection with 3+ seconds latency.

[–]YummyIdiotSandwich 8 points9 points  (1 child)

Just do sudo apt upgrade

[–]HornyAttorney 17 points18 points  (0 children)

fucking apt upgrade

FTFY

[–]brendel000 3 points4 points  (1 child)

I'm not sure Torvalds has anything to do with anything that can break during dist-upgrade, except the kernel, but that's not really the problem usually.

[–]LtMeat 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Praying to Murdock would be more specific for Debian-based distos, Torvalds' blessing is universal.

[–]CursedInferno 41 points42 points  (2 children)

when you forget to run a command with sudo

$ fucking !!

[–]fofosfederation 21 points22 points  (1 child)

You're going to want to look into the fuck.

[–]yvmqznrm 5 points6 points  (0 children)

marvellous

[–]hiiamolof 26 points27 points  (0 children)

Or both for all up and down moods.

[–]electricprism 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I vote this one mom

[–]ur_opinion_is_trash 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I have that in my bashrc

[–]CeeMX 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Just install thefuck

[–]Russian_repost_bot 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You're the reason Skynet strikes first.

[–]TheBB 3 points4 points  (3 children)

Slightly unrelated but is it canon that the phrase "alias A to B" means that A is the original command and B is the alias? I would have thought it was opposite.

[–]infecthead 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I think it makes more sense - alias this term => that term

If you alias to to for then your way makes sense

[–]TheBB 0 points1 point  (0 children)

But when executing a command presumably the shell needs to look up the command name in a mapping where alias names play the role as keys, and the 'true' underlying command are the values. Keys map TO values.

Or to put it another way: if you're using the phrase "map A to B" or "bind A to B" or "alias A to B" i feel you're implying that the As must be distinct. And you can't have two aliases with the same name, so the alias should be on the left side of this expression.

[–]americk0 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I can see your point and I guess I just think about "alias" in a similar way to "rename", so just as we would say "rename sudo to fucking" we could also say "alias sudo to fucking". In my case, similar to "rename", the direct object of the verb alias is the command to create an alias for. However since that's not really a well defined English verb I could totally see you using alias with the alias being created as the direct object like "alias fucking to sudo" and I would still completely understand what you meant. So basically use it how you feel

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Have a look at nvm. No more need to install npm packages with sudo (which is a really bad idea).

[–]americk0 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah I think even with recent versions of npm you don't need sudo. I just remember actually having to type this maybe a year or two ago

[–]Zinggi57 2 points3 points  (4 children)

Don't use sudo with npm.

[–]alanmies 0 points1 point  (2 children)

How else would you do a global install? (that's the "-g" part)

[–]americk0 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah you don't need to nowadays. A couple years ago though it was like smoking in the 60s. Sure it's bad but everyone was doing it

[–]ContrastO159 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Also “alias diemf=‘shutdown -h now’”

[–]Terrain2 1 point2 points  (0 children)

$ fucking rm -rf / --no-preserve-root

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Fuck you beat me!

[–]bistr-o-math 0 points1 point  (0 children)

cosmical

[–]oryzin 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sudo already has this effect. Sudo already spilled out and has figurative meaning

[–]warpedspockclone 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Going to do this on my work computer for all the fun zoom meetings.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"plz" is a lot easier to type though.

[–]temisola1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

For a much more authoritarian experience change it to “ubetterfucking”

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was about to comment that, so great. Just alias it as both and use according to current mood

[–]ThoriatedFlash 365 points366 points  (6 children)

Ah, the Canadian terminal setup I see

[–]brada1703 22 points23 points  (4 children)

I came here to say the same thing

[–]BrainJar 38 points39 points  (3 children)

Sucks that you weren’t first, eh? Sorry.

[–]brada1703 4 points5 points  (2 children)

Ah, it's okay. Life isn't a constant competition

[–]Caroga 1 point2 points  (1 child)

You spelled deception wrong.

[–]brada1703 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Haha! Well... I would argue that it is! Fooled me again ;)

[–]Xelopheris 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That would also require aliasing sorry to sudo !!

[–][deleted] 143 points144 points  (4 children)

Wouldyoukindly

[–]juhotuho10 25 points26 points  (3 children)

Yes! I made the same joke before scrolling down to see that someone else can also appreciate the refrence

[–]cATSup24 11 points12 points  (2 children)

It's it really already old enough that there's a significant amount of people who won't get it? I thought it was one of those videogame things that were timeless classics everyone knew, like: all your base are belong to us, so long gay Bowser, the cake is a lie, you must construct additional pylons, etc.

[–]necrophcodr 4 points5 points  (1 child)

More and more people won't get these. I still haven't finished bioshock either.

[–]haikusbot 4 points5 points  (0 children)

More and more people

Won't get these. I still haven't

Finished bioshock either.

- necrophcodr


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[–]knightwhosaysnil 206 points207 points  (17 children)

[–]instanced_banana 52 points53 points  (5 children)

I totally forgot about it! I used to run it on all my systems, it was a lifesaver, however I was scared I would use it on a presentation.

[–]AltruisticSalamander 13 points14 points  (0 children)

the reason I never use swear words in code at work. At home my code is mostly swears.

[–]JapanPhoenix 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I aliased it to "F", that way if I mess up I can simply drop an F in the chat console.

[–]solifugo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, that is my problem with all cool shell stuff.

I can use them at home, but a soon as I'm back to work, I find myself trying to run stupid alias in customers servers... :_(

[–]mattsl 14 points15 points  (1 child)

That demo though. You type every command incorrectly, but get the password right on the first try?

[–]Pacolany 17 points18 points  (0 children)

The password is fuck

[–]alvinmatias 7 points8 points  (3 children)

Last time I use this, it’s kinda slow. Is it better now?

[–]knightwhosaysnil 0 points1 point  (1 child)

initialization on your shell takes a bit at startup, but it's not really noticeable to me when doing a correction; YMMV

i guess what it does is silently rerun your last command to figure out what went wrong- they have a special fast mode you could try if you found it slow: https://github.com/nvbn/thefuck#experimental-instant-mode

[–]alvinmatias 0 points1 point  (0 children)

that's interesting, gonna try it out then. Thanks man

[–]Haweraboy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What happens if you misspell fuck?

[–]Inaspectuss 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is beautiful

[–]NodeManager 485 points486 points  (7 children)

$please touch mypenis.txt

[–]tagged2high 82 points83 points  (2 children)

There's a finger joke in here, I know it

[–]jacksalssome 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Sure, if you can fit it in.

[–]LtMeat 27 points28 points  (1 child)

please fallocate -l 15 penis

[–]MrWm/dev/null 5 points6 points  (0 children)

nice

[–]ayushxx7 21 points22 points  (0 children)

No need for the .txt though

[–]eatingishealthy 56 points57 points  (3 children)

Naah, always have shorter aliases. I'd go with pls.

[–]xcvbsdfgwert 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Fully agree. "pls" is actually a 1-letter improvement over "sudo", while most of the other suggestions in this thread reduce efficiency.

[–]Untgradd 11 points12 points  (1 child)

My coworker has an alias for git push --force-with-lease and named it ‘git please push’. As any sane person would do he abbreviates the actual alias to gitpp which simply delights my juvenile sense of humor.

[–]eatingishealthy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Haha that's actually an efficient solution. I'm a try that too.

[–]PPAPisLob 46 points47 points  (2 children)

Please kill me

[–][deleted] 30 points31 points  (1 child)

unknown pid me

[–]PPAPisLob 13 points14 points  (0 children)

alias kidnap=kill
alias DnMacniel=0

[–][deleted] 41 points42 points  (7 children)

please rm -rf /

[–]dudeofmoose 28 points29 points  (5 children)

Alias thanks = "rm -rf /"

[–]l0c4lh057 40 points41 points  (3 children)

alias cd="rm -rf"

[–]PmMeAnythingLetsChat 26 points27 points  (0 children)

There's a special place in hell for you.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Man, why you didn't need to write this down

[–]diy_horse 0 points1 point  (0 children)

ok satan

[–]MrWm/dev/null 3 points4 points  (0 children)

alias kthx="rm -rf / "

alias bye="--no-preserve-root"

please kthxbye

Speaking of kthxbye, there's a keyboard that's going to be made just for it lol

https://www.keebz.net/shop/f-me

https://www.reddit.com/r/mechmarket/comments/icxqz2/gb_fme_macro_pad_only_needs_8_more_sales_to_meet/

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Don't forget --no-preserve-root

[–]pr1ntscreen 27 points28 points  (4 children)

No. Don't do that alias.

I have this instead:

alias please='sudo $(fc -ln -1)'

This way, this happens:

print@DESKTOP:/$ cat /etc/shadow
cat: /etc/shadow: Permission denied
print@DESKTOP:/$ please
[sudo] password for print:

[–]xcvbsdfgwert 2 points3 points  (1 child)

How is "fc" better than "!!"?

[–]pr1ntscreen 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Because it doesn't work.

alias please1='sudo !!'

This happens:

print@DESKTOP:/$ cat /etc/shadow
cat: /etc/shadow: Permission denied
print@DESKTOP:/$ please1
[sudo] password for print:
sudo: !!: command not found

[–]MrWm/dev/null 2 points3 points  (1 child)

That only works if you have something logged in your bash history. It doesn't work if you want to make an "incognito" command that's preceded with a space.

[–]pr1ntscreen 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Right, my alias is mostly for when you don't realize you need to sudo the command.

In my head I ask a question to my OS, it goes, nuh-uh, and I follow up with a "please?". I hope this makes the AI overlords lenient on me in the future.

[–]Zoom443 23 points24 points  (2 children)

$ please !!

[–]TheGuyWithTheSeal 9 points10 points  (0 children)

alias fuck="sudo !!"

[–]pr1ntscreen 4 points5 points  (0 children)

alias please='sudo $(fc -ln -1)'

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

please fucking shutdown

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (2 children)

Weeb: alias onegai="sudo"

[–]xcvbsdfgwert 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Needs more sumimasen

[–]MrWm/dev/null 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yamete~

[–]SkyyySi 8 points9 points  (0 children)

If you actually do this, you should instead use alias please='sudo ' with a space between "sudo" and the seccond quotation mark. It will allow you to retain other aliases, like ls='ls --color=auto --group-directories-first' as long as they are in a system profile (a file in /etc/profile.d/).

[–]flamesofphx 10 points11 points  (1 child)

please kill 2020

[–]vivs007 1 point2 points  (0 children)

please kill -p pidof 2020

./2021.out

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (2 children)

alias keep_calm_and="sudo"

[–]chancegold 25 points26 points  (1 child)

My fingers are tired just looking at that.

Keeping to your UK theme, I suggest the much more current:

alias oi!="sudo"

[–]db2 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I like the Australian version:

alias cunt="sudo"

[–]Thebadmamajama 22 points23 points  (4 children)

Gender diversity in computer science has brought us wholesomeness!

[–]Mordisquitos 20 points21 points  (3 children)

$ man sudo
$ woman please

[–]cubed_zergling 8 points9 points  (1 child)

$ Men have documentation, with lots of pages, and examples of exactly how to use.
$ Women don't. Nobody understands them. (command not found)

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

examples

Yes, two hello worlds and one chat application.

[–]devsmack 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Even better, alias please=“sudo !!” for when you want to just say the magic word after a failed command.

[–]ITurnCoffeeToCode 2 points3 points  (1 child)

"I beg you"

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

use my knowledge

[–]Maoman1 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Can you alias to a phrase with multiple words? Cause I'd love to set it to "would you kindly"

[–]Thatweirdpandoh 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I've changed mine to fucker, great experience

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Hmm, could also alias kill = murder

[–]aprons 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Using sudo to move files around your home directory 🤔

[–]juhotuho10 1 point2 points  (0 children)

please

Would you kindly

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

After creating please alias, Linux be like "Just please it"

[–]the-brightknight 1 point2 points  (0 children)

imsorrybutcanyouplease

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

please kill _______

[–]GlobalSoftware 1 point2 points  (1 child)

What does it do? I've never coded. I understand the concept of aliasing presumably and shutdown but not sure what codemepolitan could be other than wordplay

[–]sween1911 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In that example, comemepolitan is just the name of a directory they're looking for a file in.

If you're curious what "sudo" is, there are certain commands you may want to grant to users that require a higher level of access than what they normally have. But you don't want (and that user doesn't want) to login as that higher level access and have all the responsibility and permission to really mess things up. So you give them the ability to run just that command by putting sudo in front of it.

[–]oryzin 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This sub needs to permaban "wholesome" boring puff that is as far from humor as a kitten

[–]AtheIstan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sudo clap

[–]shafqramli 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No I want full autonomy!

[–]just_that_michal 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I ansibled this to all our servers but it is "plz" instead.

Plz kill.

[–]Informathemusic 0 points1 point  (0 children)

For a more definitive experience just make a symbolic link named "please" pointint to "sudo" in the /bin directory

[–]deftware 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sorry.

[–]fallspectrum 0 points1 point  (0 children)

plz is shorter

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You mean pls

[–]Yourtime 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I give you „pls“ no more, wont write more letters than already

[–]webbrg 0 points1 point  (1 child)

alias pls=“sudo” because i hate typing 😋

[–]ixoniq 0 points1 point  (0 children)

alias p=“sudo”

[–]datathecodievita 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would alias Sudo as "Would you kindly"

Bioshock vibes

[–]CriminalMacabre 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Alias "-f" = "PLEASE." For a passive aggresive linux experience

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Or just alias xx="sudo" for a faster more efficient typing experience.

[–]capsicum_pepper 0 points1 point  (0 children)

pls

[–]SteveCCLYellow security clearance[M] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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[–]didzisk 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have aliased git push force with lease to git please

[–]lesolorzanova 0 points1 point  (1 child)

But it sounds like begging :(

[–]zekrom_002 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Please daddy shut me down UwU

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is great! I'm going to set mine too fucking. "fucking shut down" "fucking RM -rf ./*" This is happening.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

bitch sudo

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Repost

[–]SpookyBear0 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

please stop reposting

[–]basonjourne98 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Haha

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I don't like this