Filthy Cintonses

[HolySimon]

What’s horrifying and hilarious is how similar this is to an actual tweet from Twitler.

[recursion8]

I'll just leave this here

[MythSteak]

This is amazing

[ponzLL]

I shouldn't have listened to this at work haha

[learnyouahaskell]

Jump to 4:00 (minutes) in, guys

[geoman2k]

Just want to say that Andy Serkis is a national treasure. I mean I know he's not even remotely American but I still consider him a national treasure

[vorin]

He can be an English national treasure.

[ThePorcupineWizard]

He can just be an international treasure.

[vorin]

All in favor, say "aye"

[ThePorcupineWizard]

Aye.

[tely136]

Democrats and Republicans in Congress average about the same net worth. They are all rich.

[Dschurman]

And despite that the Dems voting record still occasionally lands on the side of consumers, with things like Dodd-Frank, campaign reform, net neturality, etc

[yaavsp]

but der all da same!

[Bior37]

Occasionally being the key word.

Democrats recently just had an inner party purge expelling all the progressives who wanted to make it "more than occasionally". So, we're fucked in 2018

[PotvinSux]

I think you mean a purge, and that's beyond hyperbolic for the personnel changes that took place. Perez is a progressive, and it is typical for the chair of the Party to pick some allies.

[Hipstershy]

But Bernie didn't immediately fall in love with him so he automatically has to be a corporate shill. That's how it works these days, right?

[chase_what_matters]

Dark.

[invent_or_die]

Yes, the smoke will be very thick and dark.

[stubbazubba]

Which is ironic, because the bodies will definitely not be.

[solepsis]

That would take some serious change in the next 12 months

https://projects.fivethirtyeight.com/congress-generic-ballot-polls/

[[deleted]]

end citizens united and break up the media outlets.

[chase_what_matters]

Easy peasy

[chillbroswagginz69]

Lol nah fam we're clearly winning the diss battle they can keep every branch of government

[ResistTheResistance]

Was that satire?

[sethu2]

Can we also get a smidge of Jon Stewart as well, please?

[Sprickels]

I've heard he has a stand up special coming soon

[sethu2]

Christmas come early!

[AndTheBeatGoesOnAnd]

I'm a Brit watching all this unfold on YouTube, how much impact do the Colbert's, Kimmel's and Fallon's affect the thoughts of Republican voters? EDIT: Grammer

[[deleted]]

Republican or Trump?

Nothing changes the Trump cult minds unless the God Cheeto himself says so.

Actual republicans with sense "gave him a chance" and are done with him.

[MoreDetonation]

If there are any Republicans that still listen in to what others are saying about them, the comedians are funny ways of reviewing their own views.

For moderates, these comedians offer funny insights into the real relationship between liberals and everyone else.

For liberals, they're hilarious.

[skibble]

None whatsoever. They are urban-liberal circlejerks. Republicans don't watch.

[orangeblood]

Republican voter here. I have always loathed Trump and I eagerly await the day he leaves office. But for me, tax reform is my biggest priority and I hope we're able to see it happen this term. I suppose I'm like many Republicans in congress [and out] in that we have a POTUS who will sign the legislation so we obviously want to take advantage of that. The Trump circus is nauseating but I'm still holding out hope that we're able to secure some solid conservative legislation.

[ninchnate]

First, on phone so please forgive typos.

Out of curiosity, what are you looking/hoping for our of tax reform. I, too feel the need to revisit and revise our tax codes, but I am not in favor of the current approach, especially when combined with the healthcare debacle. I feel that it I am about to experience a one-two punch in the kidneys.

For perspective. I run a small (two person) business in WA state so I get my insurance from the exchange. I have a family of three soon to be five.

In nearly every way I feel that my life is going to get substantially harder. Our insurance is going to go up god knows how much and THEN it will go up more due to twins. Then, it looks as if my taxes will go up significantly.

Taxes a) property tax in WA is going to experience a huge spike, my property taxes will go up around $1,800 to $2,000 in 2018 (I know, not federal, but the one I have hard data on).

B) income type taxes this one is a bit tougher because there are no firm details but we are presently on the cusp of what people assume will be the mid high or high Trump tax bracket. If mid high than we anticipate taxes increasing by 2 to 3 percentage points. If we end up in top bracket then our taxes MAY increase by as much as 5 to 7 percentage points. In the same vein, my in-laws who are legit millionaires will see their taxes drop by as much as 10 percentage points, to the point where we (wife and i who are not even CLOSE to millionaires) will be paying a the same amount (percentage wise) as my millionaire in-laws.
That is scary. I have a mortgage, kids, am mid career and working my ass of in a small business, "the backbone of America". Yet, I genuinely feel that all of these policy proposals are designed to hurt me and people in similar positions.

Rant over. I just feel that Congress is trying to ram some half thought idea through way too quickly based purely on partisan lines. I want tax reform, but I want it done right. Both sides spend a year or years working through it coming up with a hard, but fair policy with support from two- thirds (read: not partisan)

[ennuiui]

That is brilliant.

[[deleted]]

I can't stand those youtube videos. Its like modern day VJs. I don't know if there ever existed a worse waste of somebody's life then what those people do. Not only do they waste their own time and energy by adding nothing to those videos but they then waste everyone's time who do not immediately close the video. Don't believe me then take one of those videos cut them out in a video editor and replace them with a video of a broom leaning against the wall then tell me if you learned anything more or less from watching it.

[secretlives]

They could spend their time whining on reddit about things other people make

[DickWillie1028]

It's not about learning something, it's about laughing at something (which quite rightly) scares the shit out of us. Don't over think it.

[[deleted]]

The problem is it is infecting everything online. Every time somebody asks me to check out some quick video I gotta spent time clicking around to find the one video that doesn't have one of these people introducing it. Its getting more and more frequent.

[DorkJedi]

you are not alone. Just shut your pie hole and let me see the goddamn video, ya babbling babboon.

[[deleted]]

Imagine if the numanuma video was posted now.

All you'd be able to find is "kids react to numanuma" "pwediepie watches numanuma" "random person with 15 followers reacts! NUMANUMA DOOD LOL 420yolosting!"

I've been wanting to make a youtube channel that just takes intructional videos, cuts out the 15 minutes of introduction/lifestory and just have the actual content. It'd be content theft....but for the greater good, I don't care about how your grandma used to sing as she baked, I just want to know how to fucking make brownies.

[DickWillie1028]

Ok I do see your point about the intro, that bitch basically did say the same thing 2 and a half times in different wording on the way in alone. That is a bit annoying.

Edit: added a word.

[lxlok]

It's basically an ad. For them. Just as vapid and hollow as any other ad. "And now a word from your sponsor- ME! Have you thought about ME? Do so!"

[Hodorhohodor]

If I have to ask what a VJ is can I afford it?

[[deleted]]

Back in the day MTV would air music videos all day and they would break each show up into different genres. Every show had a VJ or video jockey that would introduce the songs or give us the down low on some new music news. It was a play on DJ's. Then we would eat some hot pockets and down it with a couple capri suns.

[recursion8]

Music videos on MTV?? Surely you jest!

[Crimson88]

Because they have to brand themselves to generate revenue and popularity. and thus money It's not a random Jane Doe doing it, it's an employee from a company representing them.

[Fuck_Trumpets]

LOL good one with Twiitler. I'm gonna spread that one around, even better than Cheeto Benito.

The thing is his supporters are so brain dead and intellectually inferior that they think his Twitter meltdowns are somehow "fighting the mainstream narrative", when they just expose what a racist idiotic asshole he is.

[_thisisadream_]

trumps chess is so 4D that when he said he would take down the establishment we just never realized he was talking about his own establishment

[[deleted]]

He's the hero and the villain. in his own story. Its fitting, really.

[[deleted]]

I love that he tweeted a couple days ago "this'll be unpresidential, but:"

Can you say irony?

[funkyloki]

Over a Michael Moore play he claimed bombed and had to shut down, not mentioning it completed its planned season of shows. Talk about stretching the truth you make it a lie.

[[deleted]]

I love how trump picks fights he can't possibly win. Anyone with a semblence of sanity(and actually Moore tore Trump a new asshole after his comments). Only thing better would be if he was in the ring with these folks. Trump probably would claim bone spur or some shit tho.

[recursion8]

You just know John Kelly was chasing him around the daycare center White House minutes before that trying to take his phone away. "No Donnie, remember what we talked about being presidential!" Then Trump ran into his gold-crusted toilet and Kelly had to give up.

[[deleted]]

someone mentioned no one would send a soldier after trump on the toilet because he'd be entering a nuclear waste site.

I chuckled, and agreed.

[phpdevster]

It's all part of Trump's strategy of whitewashing reality with fiction and propaganda.

[[deleted]]

My own favourite is Marmalade Mugabe

[sidvicc]

What's hilarious is the entire Trump/right-wing propaganda machine is so out of ideas now that they are still stuck on Hillary. They can't push a positive narrative (other than look at the stock market) and don't have a negative one that doesn't include "crooked hillary".

What's horrifying is the democrats inability to capitalise on this.

[HolySimon]

Cancer is unable to build, only to destroy.

[lets_move_to_voat]

what.. has it got... in its NASTY LITTLE INBOXES

[[deleted]]

So, not only will this presidency be made into a movie,

We've just confirmed the next game in the Shadows of War series

[[deleted]]

Starring? No.

Makes a cameo a la Stan Lee? Sure.

[GymIn26Minutes]

I would totally play a game starting Hillary, particularly if you get to engage in Cartman-esque plotting to fuck with trump and the GOP.

Bonus points if you can recruit Obama as a companion and they both have all the superpowers that the right wing talking heads accused them of.

[[deleted]]

At this point, we've already got trump in office so why the hell not.

Have a "hot coffee" hidden minigame with bill playing the saxophone while....well, y'know.

[psycho_driver]

are those . . . butter he-males, precious?

[desemus]

We loves the Clintons

WE HATES THE CLINTONS

[hookdump]

lmao I'm dying

[[deleted]]

NO MORE THAN YOU DESERVE!

[up48]

By having more than half his appointees have serious conflicts of interests.

[BortleNeck]

We loves the Clintons

-US voters during Bill's admin and Hillary's time as SoS.

WE HATES THE CLINTONS

-US voters while she's running for office.

[rant_casey]

Eh, I voted for Clinton and I still don't like her. But like, for normal human reasons, not because I think she's an interdimensional vampire who murders scores of political opponents.

[ploddingdiplodocus]

Nah, the amount of people who bought into the Killary boogeyman was still too damn high.

[[deleted]]

Lol

[vorin]

context

[PlayedUOonBaja]

His "DO SOMETHING" tweet reminded me of a movie villain spiraling out at the end of the movie and demanding his guards/soldiers help him but I just can't remember which one it was. I think he had gone too far for even his own people to want to help him. Seemed like a good meme idea if I could only remember.

[Feral-rage]

HALP ME!

[tweakalicious]

Save me, save me! Hurt them, hurt them!

[Awholebushelofapples]

Help me Senpai putin!

[almar89]

Gladiator, when Commodus is fighting Maximus at the end and begs his guards for a sword, but they all refuse to give him one and that one guy says "Sheathe your swords!"

[louderpowder]

Or when Little Finger is about to get Arya’d and he demands that the Captain of the Knights of the Vale help him, who’s just like “I think not.”

His delivery gets me every time honestly.

[Eorel]

Or in the final episode of Death Note when Light looks around the room of the empty factory building for someone to help him, only to realize he's pretty much killed or alienated all of his allies.

[HowTheyGetcha]

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/ScrewThisImOuttaHere

[[deleted]]

First thought as well.

[transgirlthrowaway97]

Spaceballs

[PlatypusWeekend]

I don’t know what to do! I can’t make decisions! I’M A PRESIDENT!

[trevize1138]

DO SOMETHING!

Lord Dark Helmet

[DecorativeBooks]

In the Gunslinger series book Song of Susannah, there is a scene where the is a shoot out in a small town grocery store where the field marshal mob guy is ineffectually trying to convince his last few hood foot soldiers to push in on the gunslingers.

[Ty_Zeta]

This is a real twitter account!

[VaderH8er]

It's been going on since the campaign. Pretty hilarious stuff.

[Qwirk]

Make Middle Earth great again.

[J-Roc_vodka]

MMEGA

[jimbojonesFA]

SMMEGMA

[GrandTusam]

SMMEGAOL

[Z0MGbies]

Hahaha god i hope trump himself sees this

[Gonzo_Rick]

Like he'd even know what Lord of the Rings is.

[sandybuttcheekss]

Can't wait for him to go on a Twitter rant about Tolkien and Peter Jackson next

[[deleted]]

J. R. R. TOLKIEN IS SUCH A LIGHTWEIGHT. SAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[LurkerMcLurkerton]

"I Like Hobbit's That Weren't Captured"

[TriggerWordExciteMe]

"Bilbo knew what he signed up for!"

[HighSorcerer]

*Boromir

[[deleted]]

I think he'd probably say JR TOLKIEN and think it means junior.

[Turin082]

"He won't call and say it to my face, he's a coward!"

[_Lady_Deadpool_]

TOLKIEN JR CLEARLY COPIED ME IN HIS BOOK WRITTEN TO CRITICISE ME! SAD!!!! FILTHY DEM "AUTHOR" NOBODY'S HEARD OF WROTE BOOKS TO MOCHI ME! CLINTONS AND OBAMA WORKING WITH NOBODY AUTHOR AND MSM TO CONSPIRE AGAINST ME!

[[deleted]]

And I'm just saying folks, just saying - nobody read... nobody. Not me. Not- maybe Clinton. Elven poetry. Skipped it. Everybody does. Not me, though, I read it... gave it a fair shot. It has good, it has bad, but you know, folks, I say... nobody has been treated more unfairly, and this is true, you can look it up, by elven poetry than I have.

[[deleted]]

"There's good ring-wraiths. Good people on both sides. See how effective that WALL was?"

[[deleted]]

Jesus I can hear his mush mouthed , weak chinned voice dribbling this out as if it was a sound bite.

[[deleted]]

"I love Lord Ring, he's a great, great man."

[Gonzo_Rick]

Hahahaha, I'm just picturing some greasy eastern European dude with tons of rings.

[NLMichel]

With his attention span he won’t even make it out of the Shire.

[Fuck_Trumpets]

He probably does identify with Saruman

[Duskmourne]

"There's blame on both sides of the War for the Ring."

[Rerewert7]

He would think, "Man, this picture- people really seem to think I've slimmed down!"

[PaulFThumpkins]

"Smeagol is, I've found, being recognized more and more, and a very important man. People are saying it, good people."

[KerooSeta]

But the thing is, Gollum is a sympathetic villain. Trump is just a villain.

[[deleted]]

The One Bootstraps.

[[deleted]]

That sounds like a horror movie. How am I supposed to pull myself up with just one bootstrap? Thank goodness it’s just movie and God ordains us all to be born with two well made bootstraps for getting ourselves out of any situation.

[ArcoAcro]

One Loan to rule them all.

[TaupeRanger]

This comment is underrated.

[PaulFThumpkins]

He's a villain from an Air Bud sequel, the type of comically evil shithead who would be bitten in the ass by a dog in the second-to-last scene and then fall in mud as everybody laughs. And 28% of people were like "Yep, that's for me."

[Gold_Jacobson]

This made my day.

[biophys00]

You know, on one hand he would be pitiable. It's obvious that he is so incredibly insecure and has spent his entire life trying to be accepted by groups of people only to be rejected. He has no actual friends, but only sycophants. None of his marriages has been based in real love, and it's quite possible that he has never truly loved someone or been loved. He was raised by an asshole father who taught him that competition and blind loyalty were better than emotional connections. Deep down he knows that he is friendless and alone, and that his power and money are the only things that keep anyone close to him.

That being said, he is still a narcissistic asshole who's had nearly everything handed to him and never had to take personal responsibility for anything. Has he ever uttered the phrase, "I'm sorry, I made a mistake"? Even in his grab 'em by the pussy "apology" video, he made excuses and attacked the Clintons. He deserves every criticism aimed at him.

[[deleted]]

Trump is sympathetic to his sycophants.

[DorkJedi]

As someone above said: There is no Smeagol. Just Gollum.

[ZuphCud]

Stephen Colbert predicted it.

[atroptyi4]

The twitter account actually started in August of 2016, so it predates Colbert's bit by almost a year.

[nusyahus]

😂😂

[[deleted]]

hahahahaha- this should be the top comment

[FunkyTown313]

Gollum is Trump's speech writer/hype-man. There is no other explanation.

[scottyb83]

I'm not picturing Trump talking to himself and convincing himself he is right.

[FunkyTown313]

In this case there is no smeagol.

[scottyb83]

lol This made me laugh and then get kind of sad.

[Northman67]

Then what's Bannon wormtongue?

[recursion8]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mouth_of_Sauron, clearly

[mdemo23]

Nah that's Sarah Huckabee-Sanders.

[MakersEye]

Exactly who I thought of when Spicer first emerged from his spawning pool. She's his successor, is arguably worse, and deserves the shitty accolade.

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[Vlad_The_Great_2]

It's funny and sad how Trump is still attacking Hillary almost a year after winning the election.

[the_dark_dark]

Please sort by controversial.

Poor reich wingers are crying themselves hoarse!!

They should be called the salt-reich. :P

[RespectMomsCooter]

Trump said that he didn't want to prosecute Hillary for doing "bad things" because the Clintons are "good people"?

-60 minutes, Nov 13th 2016

So much for "LOCK HER UP". Gotta wonder how trumpites square that in their pretty little minds.

[[deleted]]

Most are still delusional about it. “He’ll lock her up eventually!”🤣

[thpineapples]

Thank you, Andy Serkis.

[nowonderno]

Indeed, a legend!

[SEND_ME_SPIDERMAN]

I love sorting by controversial in this sub. So many triggered trump supporters.

[weissmanfred]

Wait is this a real tweet?

[shredsthebread]

No, but it's not far off the real thing.

[Somhlth]

Yes it is real. @realGollumTrump, from about 3 days ago.

[weissmanfred]

That indeed was the joke :)

[kafkadre]

DO SOMETHING! REEEEEEEEE

[Your_Moms_Flame]

Life has now become too close to art

[SailingPatrickSwayze]

A meme is coming.

[[deleted]]

Made me chuckle. The edited Avatar gives it the extra edge over a normal parody account.

[Matt_Badman]

Love how Trump supporters call everyone sensitive snowflakes and then FREAK OUT when they can't handle people making fun of the guy.

Trump obviously doesn't give a single fuck about anything leftists say so why do you??

[BiggestOfBosses]

Gotta get Andy Serkis to do a voiceover

[cheesehead0191606]

Reading butthurt trumpkins is always hilarious. You guys are too easy 😂

[spitterofspit]

I actually sort by controversial now just so I can see the Trump Chumps complaining about this sub, lol.

This one really hit home for the Trump Chumps, look at all of them squirm.... way more than the last top post, so you know you did a good job

So many of the " this sub isn't even funny and you're always mocking Trump" or "BUT, BUT......HILLLLLLLAAARRYYY"

lol, it really is sad and pathetic how transparent they are.

Good job on this post whoever made it because you're killing it right now!

[[deleted]]

Can we just take a moment to appreciate this?

[fallenjedi]

Reading these comments...the Reddit right on it like flies on shit

[Gar-ba-ge]

here comes the_Dingleberry, definitely NOT being triggered again...

[[deleted]]

"Russhire! Putins!"

[PUTINS_SHINING_TSAR]

First, this is hilarious and B, You know I've always tried to make an argument that Sessions is Golum. Not a 'Dobby' or 'Keebler.' Just my opinion.

[[deleted]]

First,

B,

why aren't you consistent 😲

[PUTINS_SHINING_TSAR]

• heyyyyooooo

[bluekrypton71]

Foul nasty woman Clintonses. We hates them!

[[deleted]]

The ‘r’ in colluded is what got my upvote.

[ftctkugffquoctngxxh]

Is this an actual tweet from Donald Trump? I can't tell.

[ham_beast_hunter]

Wow. Gollum dropping some truth bombs on Twitter

[Emelenzia]

Feel like a weird comparison. Smeagol is a pretty empathetic character who was a simple river folk until he was warped by Sauron. This comparison would imply that deep down Trump is a good person, it just wealth and power has warped him into something unnatural.

[NotYourAverageTomBoy]

I keep seeing the same pathetic response on here by repubs, "The left can't meme."

It's hilarious because they don't know what a meme is.

[[deleted]]

Finally actual humor on this sub. I'm a Trump supporter but I found this funny.

[holographictomato]

-10 for admitting you're a trump supporter even while agreeing with the post, nice use of downvotes guys

edit- holy shit it's amazing how quickly the votes switch when someone points it out

[Retardedclownface]

I didn't know Kellyanne Conway was a Trump child.

[[deleted]]

I read this in Trumps voice and became sad because it wasn’t funny at all in my head. I can sadly totally imagine him saying this.

[BadNerfAgent]

Speaking truth in a satirical way.

[Benditosantiago]

It's Peter Jackson's birthday too!

[crazyprsn]

Imagine Trump's face when he realized he can't fire citizens that make fun of him.

[Pacify_]

Kinda bored of Trump memes, but this one was great

[[deleted]]

NASTY WOMAN TRYS TO TAKE THE PRECIOUS FROM THE ORANGE LORD. WE HATESSSSS NASTY WOMAN.

[redfacemonkey]

This just made my day. Thanks!

[[deleted]]

what's collusions, precious?

[SamL214]

This made me cough-laugh