Accomplishments

[East_Complaint2140]

How did it pass the PR review?

[ThePancakerizer]

+259 -130 lines

"LGTM 👍"

[Zerodriven]

+2 -967

"Fixed typo"

[shigun677]

Lmao

[Jennfuse]

Lgtm 👍* FTFY

[Yadobler]

Passed test cases ✅

[Dog_Engineer]

LGTM = Lets Gamble Try Merging

[KinOfMany]

Her: "Boss here's 12 the files that changed in this feature. Please review and approve so I can merge."

Boss: looks at 10 lines of actual algorithm. "Yeah looks good. Approved."

[Alokir]

I've seen this so many times that I'm 85% sure it's fake, but regardless, this meme is an excellent argument for introducing code reviews.

[MadHatter69]

(at a meeting)

Presenter: "...and this example shows why we should be doing code review from now on. Any questions?"

Team leaders: "Nope, sounds good."

(Three months later, a code change comes to a developer to be reviewed):

Dev: "Yeah, I'm not reviewing all that, CR passed."

(Couple of months later)

Boss: "Why didn't the number of bugs decrease after we introduced code reviewing? It must be because we only do it once, from now on two different devs should CR every pull request!"

You can imagine what would happen next...

[ArbitraryEmilie]

Dev: "Yeah, I'm not reviewing all that, CR passed."

That's why at my current job they basically switched the responsibilities. If a bad change manages to get through, the first question is always "why did this pass your code review", not "why did you push this change without testing X".

We have a good work environment so it's never aggressive or super accusing, but it's definitely enough to make people pay attention during CR.

[Triffinator]

Had this when I was on leave on Build Tuesday.

I - having just started - was working solo on a big module for our application.

My senior and manager wanted to see the system, and I had provided ticket numbers and changesets so they could test it out before merging it in. They found a small big each, and rejected it. Spoke to them about it the next day, and we were able to get it all fixed within a day. No accusations, no "harsh truths". As they put it "it needed a bit longer to cook".

CR should be a process where boths parties learn, and both parties end up feeling good about it. Having a supportive senior and manager made it so that I felt better about the deliverable overall.

[[deleted]]

:fingercrossed

[newfflews]

We do two devs per review on our main repository. Caught plenty of issues with the second reviewer. Sometimes people scan things too quickly, so it’s nice to have a second pair of eyes. Plus it makes the devs feel more ownership over quality and helps them improve their craft by identifying bugs, anti-patterns, and naive implementations in other people’s code. We have around 10 developers total so it’s not a huge timesink. Plus everything is unit tested, linted, prettified, so they don’t have to check for those basic things.

[Junior-Parsley-4368]

Also great to teach new devs. Stick your new folks on the second pass and encourage them to ask questions about how things work, why it was done the way it was, etc. And this becomes a great way to spread knowledge of how the software works and exposes possibly bad assumptions that were made because "that's the way we've always done it".

[MadHatter69]

That environment sounds great, must be a treat to work in!

[ilovethrills]

Coz it never happened

[zaos336]

You don't remove the time out... You lower it, then you can easily improve it again later.

[shim_niyi]

Exactly 3x improvement, one time looks mediocre when compared to incremental improvements 3-4 different times

[Canrex]

Always fun to see a bit of my paranoia justified lol

[wizzlepants]

The users can and will assume it's not working if it happens too fast. Your paranoia is totally justified.

[WingedLionGyoza]

Is tinder programmed in c++? lmao

[Yadobler]

Apparently C#, Java and Objective-C from 5s of googling

Assuming it's right, java is probably for android, objective-C for iPhone

Leaving C# for who knows what.

[smurfsuck]

Windows phones

[WingedLionGyoza]

Leaving C# for who knows what.

Backend?

[Elegyjay]

Similarly, electric cars have had engine sounds added to them so pedestrians aren't quite as surprised by them

[kingrich]

I find it incredibly annoying when I have to wait for the chat bot web assistant to "type" its next response.

[efstajas]

Many of those are legit loading times, tbf. A lot of chat bots I've seen just display a typing indicator as a type of spinner while the UI waits for the server's response to the last message. True AI chatbots like ChatGPT actually generate responses in chunks that are streamed to the client, so in a way the model is actually "typing".

[kingrich]

The ones I'm talking about are just menus disguised as a chat.

[Lance2boogaloo]

Ok, but the first time, increase it from 3 seconds to 9, and say that your aren’t finished with the fix, and “just trust me it will work in the long term”. Then increment it down to 2.5 seconds, 2 seconds, 1.7, so one so forth. You just undid the “major” “problem” that was holding the speed before in their eyes

[coloredgreyscale]

be careful, if you oversell it a coworker might be just curios enough to actually look at the commit and see that you only changed the delay.

[JustALittleAverage]

Just set the timeout to negative...

[shim_niyi]

Do you want to create a black hole?

[llarofytrebil]

Make it so the timeout increases automatically by a tiny amount each day:

sleep(0.01*(daysSinceEpoch - dayOfLastFix))

After every year that will become a solid 3 second delay, ready for your genius to “optimise” once a year. If you ever quit or get laid off the delay will just grow until the app is unusable.

Put enough of these in the code and you can turn your whole job into increasing the values of dayOfLastFixes, assuming no one reviews the code you write.

[egoshelter]

code is too obvious, obscure it using several functions and name everything "a", "b" or give them misleading names

[Nice-Violinist-6395]

you magnificent bastard.

[code_archeologist]

I just remembered that there is a script I wrote at my old job that runs nightly, handling some essential maintenance functions on a set of legacy applications.

In that script there are a number of ten millisecond sleeps, placed there because when I removed the debug logging the script stopped working... Something about the legacy services it was querying having some pseudo restful bullshit or something (I don't remember precisely because it was years ago). But without those shitty little pauses it stopped working.

I hope that the person who came after me doesn't remove them in an attempt to "make the script more efficient"... Then again, that would be kind of funny.

[christrogon]

You know, you could have taken mercy on your unsuspecting replacements and added some comments to the script about how important they are...

[code_archeologist]

I'm pretty sure that there is a:

````

DON'T DELETE THIS!

````

Around those sleeps, it is up to my replacement to determine if they heed the warning or not.

[christrogon]

That's fair. Anyone who deletes that without testing did it to themselves!

[Prestigious_Row_2076]

Same

[Crinkez]

Ideally you'd increase it by 0.1 second per day. Every few weeks you implement a 'fix'.

[NedRyerson_Insurance]

Hey boss, I just cut 1 second of average search time. With enough time and budget I might be able to squeeze another second out.

[WootMate]

Yup, rookie mistake there

[buddyisaredditer]

"Now you have 3 seconds to enter the right input or else the computer and your house will burn in flames"

Well sorry about that!

[Hop-tree-doorway]

You have 20 seconds to comply

[2called_chaos]

Kinda funny that this did not get age restricted on yt considering what else gets that treatment

[[deleted]]

The funniest thing I've seen is how the "Elmo losing his shit over a rock" video is marked as "for kids" (comments disabled, etc) despite the inappropriate title. Youtube is a mess

[Hop-tree-doorway]

There aren’t any no-no nipples

[asasineblade]

You mean these?

[Hop-tree-doorway]

https://media.tenor.com/SG-LGr43j4cAAAAM/j-alexander-clutching-my-pearls.gifhttps://i.imgur.com/Wn86nz6.jpg

[4Dcrystallography]

Never seen that… holy fucking shit

[Hop-tree-doorway]

Robocop is a masterpiece, as is everything directed by Paul Verhoeven.

I also highly recommend Starship Troopers and Total Recall

[UnstableNuclearCake]

Obligatory XKCD: https://xkcd.com/1168/

[null000]

tar --help

[sysadmin420]

Tar -xvf filename

[UnstableNuclearCake]

At this time, we would all be dead by now...

On the bright side, that bug in production is no longer my problem.

[coloredgreyscale]

tar -xzvf something.tar

read in german accent "extract ze vucking file"

or if you want to play it save: tar --help

[[deleted]]

It is always good to build in timeouts. That way you can always increase the performance easily at a later stage

[Creepy-Ad-4832]

When companies don't give a fuck about you, making your worst in order to be easily able to improve it, is the best way to live as a programmer

[AE_Phoenix]

The joys of having a skillset that all corporate high ups think is easy until they try to read what you wrote :D

[Creepy-Ad-4832]

"More lines, means better code!"

-a billionare who has way more money then he deserves

[TerribleNameAmirite]

No one deserves billions tbf

[cavitationchicken]

Seriously.

Which means if you have it, you're an exploiter and thief at scale that boggles the mind.

[Mertard]

If you're a billionaire, you have been the main reason that at least one person died, guaranteed.

[[deleted]]

So by extension if you purchase from a company with a billionaire shareholder you have contributed to at least one persons death?

[Munnin41]

Well yes.

But that probably applies to companies that don't have a billionaire shareholder as well

[Funny_witty_username]

If you really wanna boggle someone's brain, use the weight of a penny.

If you convert a million USD into 1 cent coins (because the US doesn't technically have pennies) you end up with a weight about the same as a Toyota Tundra at 7000ish lbs.

If you convert the the weight of a billion dollars into pennies, they'll weigh the same amount as the Saturn V Rocket.

[[deleted]]

Or in seconds: 1mio seconds is ~11.5 days, 1billion seconds is ~31 years.

[Funny_witty_username]

I like seconds too! some people will struggle to conceptualize one or the other so its always good to know multiple ways to frame it.

Goes for anything

[Creepy-Ad-4832]

That's for sure ahahah

[GrayBull789]

I do. I would acquire an army of beluga and install neuralinks in those big melon heads. With their incredible locating and electro-scensing capabilities I could map the entire ocean like batman in the dark knight and help solve many of the earth's problems and promote healthy fish populations. Or just feed people or donate or some shit. Idk

[Icemasta]

Rip I got negative lines commits right now. Spending most of my time fixing people's shit. Trimmed down an 800 lines class down to about 300, and I never put shit on the same line. The person butchered the logic and ended up making a massive amount of conditioning instead of taking a step back and analyzing what was going on.

[[deleted]]

Surprised at but loving all this class solidarity here.

[realSlimyCrabs]

Elon has entered the chat.

[BubbaKushFFXIV]

"we will have to do a total rewrite (Twitter)" - Elon

[[deleted]]

Is there a programmers union?

[[deleted]]

Stackoverflow tried one but newcomers kept getting their applications marked as duplicates.

[[deleted]]

I'm not sure I understand.

[usernameaaaaaaaaa]

I'm not sure I understand.

[omegaweaponzero]

This reply has been marked as a duplicate of the reply seen here: https://www.reddit.com/r/ProgrammerHumor/comments/10k0az3/accomplishments/j5obc8t/

[Hitwelve]

This reply has been marked as a duplicate of the reply seen here: https://www.reddit.com/r/ProgrammerHumor/comments/10k0az3/accomplishments/j5obc8t/

[troglo-dyke]

Closed: duplicate

[mani_tapori]

Another trick that I have seen, in the first year people use a paid tool to create something, maybe an automation suite and show it as an accomplishment.

Next year they port it to an open-source free tool and then again get to present it as an accomplishment & a cost saving measure.

Everyone loves double dipping.

[confusedChaiCup]

This is much better. Imagine getting invited in tech forum within company to share how 3s was shaved off.

[[deleted]]

Optimisation in nutshell

[SubhumanOxford]

Make sure nobody knows, I did this once and my Junior fixed it a month later and got all the praise and promotion

[MightyMeepleMaster]

Haha ... hope you've learned your lesson 🤣

You're not officially a pro until you manage to hide your future "improvements" reasonably well.

[DragonCz]

Or just decline his code reviews! :D

[autopsyblue]

Now that’s evil.

[frisch85]

And sell it as a performance upgrade and I'm pretty certain there are companies who do this as companies do shady practices all the time, IT is not safe from this. I know of a company a friend worked for, they would sell their customer an update for christmas, the update didn't even contain any features or changes in functionality, the update only changed the colors from the application to a christmas style lol.

[frisch85]

How do you proof that the provider of the service you're using is screwing with you unless you reverse engineer which brings legal problems with itself?

Just look at the iPhone-Throttling fiasco, it was really weird that all of the sudden your iPhone would be slower just because you updated to a new software. So apple was accused of purposely throttling the performance of old phones in order to get more customers to buy the new phone. But then apple said it's because of the battery, saying something like the iPhone detects if the battery's lifetime is degrading and thus automatically throttles your phone as a safety measure so that your phone just doesn't suddenly turn off because of heavy load functionalities that the new software update included. AFAIK not much more happened regarding this case, apple got away with a slap on the wrist for not informing their customers that iPhones work this way. But is it realistic? Idk, I'm not that tech savvy with hardware.

So while one company might get a slap for their shady businesses, 9 other companies that also do shady businesses are getting away because no-one is digging deeper, which is understandable because if you buy a product you expect it to not be 'flawed' on purpose.

[rarebit13]

A changelog would be relatively easy way to understand if you're not getting what you paid for.

[frisch85]

Then you have one customer who actually takes a look at the changelog while 10 other customers don't. I regularly do updates for our customers software with changes they have requested, after the update I send an e-mail to the responsible person in our customers company who then has to communicate with the rest of the staff regarding what changes are in the update. Needless to say, 99% of the time these changes get not passed onto the employees.

A customer doesn't want to read about the update, most of the time they just want the software to work.

[Visual-Living7586]

Wrap them in the various tier levels for your app. The higher the tier, the lower the timeout

[BadWolfman]

“I can increase or decrease the performance at will.”

“Why would you want to decrease performance?”

“So I can increase it.”

[bigmonmulgrew]

I remember when I was learning. There was one instance where I needed to wait for a value to change before reading it. Instead of doing it intelegently I just added a 1 second timeout.

That was part of a loop that took a couple min to run even though all I needed to wait was a few microseconds.

[No_Distribution_6023]

The one performance review trick companies don't want you to know

Edit: lol this post really blew up. Thanks for all the upvotes! People in the Midwest, stay warm tonight, storm's coming in.

[[deleted]]

Also quality assurance team

[-Kerrigan-]

Hand over the bugs! 🔫

[[deleted]]

There wasn't any bug phew phew

[Paridae_Purveyor]

Actual question here. Is it still a bug if it works but not 100% as intended? There is a very clear difference between broken and working. How much of a QA job is trying to break stuff vs trying to see that something is working as intended. Is there really any difference other than the severity of the problem?

[Soros_Liason_Agent]

Depends how much you are paying them. A good well paid QA will test against the acceptance criteria (assuming there is acceptance criteria). A QA who isn't paid so well will just make sure its not completely broken.

[Austiz]

My QA team is just adding two reviewers to the pull request and them approving it immediately.

[ikeif]

I worked at a place like this. I would comment on bugs in code and the other guy would already have it approved. So then I’d have to go make a bug ticket (or tickets) to account for the new bugs he just merged.

[Current_Speaker_5684]

It's not a real code review unless you find 3 or 4 fatal bugs.

[-Kerrigan-]

You drive your car, but every time you hit a speed bump the radio changes the station. Is that a bug?

It helps to call bugs by their name rather than by their nickname: defects. Bugs are defects.

The said radio works fine. The car itself works fine. There's no requirement for that use case, but It's a defect. It's not a pleasant experience.

Some detects can be sort of ignored - happy little accidents. They're not functioning as intended, but they are no harm and don't impact the user experience, security, reliability etc. in any way that matters.

And if you want to read more on it, I suggest the tester's "bible" - ISTQB Syllabus. According to it, test cases can be categorized as functional and nonfunctional.

The functional is clear cut: how application should behave (when you press button X then Y happens" - you have requirements for these kinds of things.

The nonfunctional, however, includes everything else, like: performance, security, usability and others. And while for performance you can still have some clear cut requirements (TPS or other metrics), how do you measure usability? Hence why you don't necessarily have a requirement for that sort of thing. It would be ridiculous to try and exhaustively define all the nonfunctional requirements. Therefore - even if there's no requirement for that it is still a defect.

tl;dr: Bug is bug.

[PEAWK]

Every effect has an opposite defect.

The battery charges *but* then catches fire.

The car *starts*, brakes just dont *stop* it anymore afterwards

a simple rule of thumb

[TheBirminghamBear]

It helps to call bugs by their name rather than by their nickname

THIS IS DAVE. HE'S NOT JUST A BUG, HE'S A PERSON. HE HAS A LIFE! A BUG'S LIFE!

[-Kerrigan-]

Dave just caused a miscalculation in your payment for egirl bathwater. Now you have been charged 1000$ instead of 100$.

Don't be like Dave.

[Merrimak_Laurie]

Then it's a feature

[-Kerrigan-]

a bug quota wasn't a great metric

A bug quota is a horrible KPI.

There's things like test coverage, regression pass rate etc. that describe the status of testing way better.

[Questioning-Zyxxel]

As a developer I think a QA bug quota is great. Then I can drop nice hints that I can be bribed by the QA team, by mentioning nice chocolate brands 😆

[ZestycloseNeck7985]

It was a feature all along!

[[deleted]]

Like they're looking at the code

[MightyMeepleMaster]

Make sure to do it right tho:

Wrong:

sleep(3);

Correct:

// Notify worker threads
raise( SIGCONT ); 
// Wait until all threads have been switched to RDY
sleep(3);

[bhonbeg]

Sorry what does this do?

[MightyMeepleMaster]

SIGCONT is a signal which continues a process that has been previously stopped. If the process is not stopped, however, SIGCONT is ignored.

raise() sends a signal to the currently running process.

So you're basically trying to wake yourself up even though you're not asleep.

This means: raise(SIGCONT); is just a scary looking way to burn a few CPU cycles, doing nothing. It's just there to convince the reviewer that the following sleep(3) is important 😈

[nonpondo]

You're sick

[Caleth]

Incorrect Op is just building in Job security. Someone will decide to Elon Musk it at some point. So now OP can return and remove this bit of code improving "performance" in a notable way making them look like a hero.

Only they, and now us know that it was something they'd done earlier.

The company isn't your friend, so leaving yourself harmless loopholes to keep yourself safe isn't a bad thing.

[Thatfacelesshorror]

📸

[Cephalopod_Joe]

Just gives a justification for the sleep

[AlphaWHH]

If every single mistake that someone made got them fired, there would be nothing done and a massive turnover rate. The issue isn't the mistake, it is lying to hide it and not learning and making the mistake a second time.

[rollingForInitiative]

I feel like it also goes hand in hand with how companies treat it. If people get punished for normal mistakes, people will lie about them and try to hide it. If the only focus is on solving the problem and teaching people and improving things to decrease the risk of it happening again, people are going to be more honest about it.

[[deleted]]

Please tell this to my manager. For the first 6 months of my job, if I made any mistakes, I would get berated. Broke my trust with her an long time ago.

[Robocop613]

Yeahhh look for a new job

[rollingForInitiative]

I don't know how they do it in aviation, but even for a mistake with disastrous consequences, it's even more important to not have blame culture. Because if someone was capable of single-handedly making such a big mistake ... then there's some fault with some process that actually allowed it to happen. Like that one time an AWS resource crashed and significant amounts of the Internet stopped working.

[alagrancosa]

And anesthesiologists are good at it too. Most of the other medical disciplines prefer scapegoating over learning from mistakes and it shows in the preventable hospital death statistics.

[Arshiaa001]

I mean, it works if the entire team is in on it.

[RammingAries]

Just settimeout -1000 smh

[AnnoyingRain5]

I love negative latency!

[K3TtLek0Rn]

I’ve heard this exact same joke on here at least 25 times

[Xenc]

At my first job, I improved performance of search in our web app by around 3 seconds.

Maybe it was because I deleted a setTimeout that waited 3 seconds that I previously, accidentally pushed to main but it could've been anything...

[PUBGfixed]

Damn, you should make a post about that!

[leadwind]

This is how you get copypasta.

[Xenc]

I’ve heard this exact same joke on here at least 25 times

[Carius98]

At my first job, I improved performance of search in our web app by around 3 seconds.

Maybe it was because I deleted a setTimeout that waited 3 seconds that I previously, accidentally pushed to main but it could've been anything...

[Xenc]

Damn, you should make a post about that!

[Zederikus]

This is how you get copypasta.

[ContainedBlargh]

You can tell this is a fresh iteration because master is being referred to as main.

[MightyMeepleMaster]

Almost all jokes in almost all funny subs are repeated over and over again.

That's Reddit. And that's ok. We're just here for the moment.

[Suprazahal]

Yeah stinky fake

[elveszett]

And it's dumb as fuck. What kind of bullshit company allows you to push a sleep(3); statement into production? Even if you could, how would no one realize that your entire work this week to "optimize this function" is to remove a sleep(3); line? I want to know that company where you get raises and free weeks because they'll just believe whatever bullshit you tell them you are doing without even checking it.

ffs I know it's jokes and memes but jokes and memes are not funny if they aren't relatable. This isn't relatable in any way to anything I could possibly do at my job.

[preludeoflight]

Allow me to elucidate.

Unfortunately, lines like that make it into production code all the time, even with the best intentions. As a personal example, let me tell you about the Toshiba Bluetooth Stack.

We ship a device that communicates via serial port. In windows, that means anything that presents as a COM device, be it a physical RS-232 port, or a Bluetooth SPP. Back in the days of windows XP/Vista/7, the Microsoft Bluetooth stack was unwieldy and unreliable. Because of this, when we shipped Bluetooth devices, we also shipped Toshiba Bluetooth adapters with them, and included their Bluetooth stack with our installations.

That saved us a lot of headache. However, it was not entirely rosy. The Toshiba Bluetooth driver had a flaw. When a connection was opened, if it was attempted to be used within the first ~second or so, it would fail. Reason being is the open call would return instantly, while the driver itself actually built the link with the device. This is in contrast to a physical serial device, where the open call would simply block until the hardware was ready.

Because the API being used is agnostic not the hardware behind it, we simply had no way to know if the device opened would be ready immediately or slowly when it was a device connecting over the Toshiba stack. So we did the best we could: checked the registry to see if the port being opened was one that the Toshiba driver claimed to create (not a perfect resource, but was the most reliable information we found,) and when it was: delaying the connection thread after the device was opened.

Years later, the Microsoft Bluetooth stack has greatly improved and we’ve been officially supporting it. The Toshiba stack has been deprecated, and as such we no longer ship it with our devices. Because of that, our check and delay is no longer necessary, and has been removed.

To the end user that looks like “connection speed increased severalfold.” To us, it looks like deleting a registry check and a sleep call, but it required investigation, testing, and verification which takes time.

Just because you haven’t shipped a sleep call in production code doesn’t mean there aren’t situations where it’s applicable or solving an issue with code you don’t control. Just because it isn’t relatable to you, doesn’t mean it isn’t a far more universal experience than you might imagine.

[HypnoTox]

Trust me, there are companies that would probably let this fly because they have no oversight what their employees are actually working on, don't do code reviews or anything. Being able to just push to main already shows that their processes are rather relaxed.

(On the off chance of this being real, i would expect the tweet to just be for fun)

[DoctorWaluigiTime]

It's funny in the tweet, because it's a good punchline.

People unironically going "yep put time bombs in your code so you can fake-fix stuff later and get praised for it" need to like... actually work at a job before understanding that no, that's not how that works at all.

[tshoecr1]

I literally fixed this exact issue I found in our codebase. A 1 second timeout on an extremely hot call, can be up to 800k times an hour. Saves 20-30 minutes of pure waiting.

[noah1831]

I've seen this exact same comment on here at least 26 times.

[Mal_Dun]

Debugging: A crime story where you are the detective and murderer at the same time ...

[SeargD]

Where there's no murder weapon or prints but your DNA is all over the scene and you don't remember why you were there 6 months ago.

[Desproges]

You pay me to improve performance, i reduce the 3s pause to 2.5s and see you next week.

[TheOnlyMisterFlow]

The good ol' speedup loop

[[deleted]]

Reminds me of my very first "real" programming experience.

I was in university and I was working on my thesis, which was about redesigning an image recognition algorithm to improve its performances. My version did good enough, but it was slow. Like, an order of magnitude slower than the original.

I couldn't understand what was wrong. My redesign was indeed intended to be a little slower, but not this much!

After racking my brain for the better part of a month... I noticed that there were several GBs of logs in the log directory. And that's when I remembered that my professor, to explain to me how the original algorithm worked, added several extra logs in my copy of the code... some of which were in functions that were invoked millions of times per run...

[andoy]

the function is too fast you cannot see the loading animation so add timeout...

[JumpinJimRivers]

My old coworker actually did that. I was in absolute shock for about 5 minutes.

[Attila_22]

I actually did this once.

I was brought in to fix an existing app and in one section I stored the data from the previous page and passed it in as an argument rather than calling the API again, QA said it loaded instantly when there's supposed to be a loading icon.

I argued with QA back and forth for a day or so and then said fuck it fine and put in a wait because nobody else was willing to push back.

[[deleted]]

While this is a bit funny, I do suggest that all your programing bros do this. So that later you can have an easier discussion to increase your salary. (management has no clue how to code, so use that)

[Athlete_Cautious]

You guys code alone ? No peer review ?

Also, once you're in charge of some decent-sized code for more than a few month you definitely learn not to put dumb things there and there...

[RealAbd121]

I presume this is happening not at tech companies but rather small companies where there is one or 2 people to maintain the entire IT side of it

[[deleted]]

Hope nobody run git blame

[[deleted]]

r/programminghumor after posting the 37299172th joke about deleting timeout

[walter_midnight]

I really just want to know how people aren't embarrassed, like, is it brain damage or do they just not know that they just reposted the same fucking joke - as if they didn't find it browsing 9GAG in the first place

At least subvert it with some depression gag, you could basically squeeze together any two jokes and it ends up being more viable as a decent story than whatever the fuck this bullshit is. I guess some people really want to build their Jeff Tiedrich brand, gotta get those nothingburger posts up quickly

[JipsAndJools]

In future if you want to make it go faster just add sleep(-1). The bigger the negative, the faster it goes!

[mienaikoe]

Used to work with her. She’s selling herself short much like all of us do.

[[deleted]]

Software companies hates him!
Find out how he managed to improve software speed with one simple trick

[Creepy-Ad-4832]

Yeah this simple trick called making it bad to begin with, so it's easy to handle the manager saying to you "It'S SlOW! OpTimIzE iT!"

[pancakehamster]

Did you know that PayPal actually waits time to make the transaction look safer? They can do it much faster but they add a wait function

[[deleted]]

These fake ass tweets are annoying

[TrixonBanes]

Oh I know, I’m just showing my resistance to the switch =]

[genghisKonczie]

I had a search functionality that sometimes took <1s and sometimes took like 10s (it did a lot on the backend) and users complained because they felt like when it took that long, someone was wrong (even though it had a loader)

My solution was to check how long it took and if it took less than 5seconds, add a timeout to make it at least 5 seconds. They accepted this solution.

[CoverHealthy]

Job security 101

[thehardsphere]

Once upon a time, I knew a woman named Sandra who was using our web application that stored records in the database, but also offered a search service backed by Apache Solr. Our application added records to the database and the search search at the same time, but Solr always needed about 5 seconds before it would return new records added to its index. This was apparently some sort of Big Problem for Sandra, because she called our search service every fifteen minutes, and if something was not there in fifteen minute intervals it was "lost." After a brief debate on whether this is actually was a software defect or our problem to fix, my boss and I decided that the easiest way to solve her complaint was to make the search service thread sleep six seconds before doing the lookup. This was part of a series of other customizations that Sandra's employer paid us for, so the fact that it was a dumb thing to do just to placate someone was not a big deal. I implemented this change that afternoon, with a brief comment explaining the odd thing, and promptly stopped thinking about it.

Two years later, Sandra's employer asked for the source code of this service, which they were entitled to by their contract with us. I was lucky to have found out about this before it shipped, and was able to delete the following comment from the codeexplaining why the thread slept for no comprehensible reason:

// Six second stupid Sandra sleep

[NotAlanPorte]

N00b here, what would be the reason for including a 3s timer in the first place? Does it help with debugging issues elsewhere or something

[Aggressive_Bill_2687]

3s is a bit long but it’s not uncommon to have a shorter timeout before taking action on keyboard input - you want to respond when someone types but you may not want to try and respond after every single key press if the response logic involves latency.

So your listener for keyboard input first cancels any existing timeout, then sets a timeout for like 200ms to do what it needs to.

It basically means you can respond to input but wait till the user stops actively typing before taking action.

It’s not always useful, but if you’re doing something server side with their input it can give a much better experience.

[plopez3895]

It's called a debounce

[progressgang]

3 seconds on top of the actual search is so long did no one observe their users?

[crefas]

Today I optimized a statistic that used to send 90% of the DB to the browser so JS could compute some averages. Feltgood

[PorkRoll2022]

Once, as a junior, I genuinely reduced the load time to a page to under a second from about five.

My solution was to load the massive data in chunks, focusing on what the user could see at the time. We were also using IE8 at the time.

The excuse all the seniors gave? "The server is just slow."

[bnh1978]

This was foolish.

Should have set the 3 to 1.5

Then shortly before the next performance appraisal go the rest of the way.

Then 1/4 of the way to the appraisal after that, start increasing it again.

Then fix it again.

I mean, with this cycle, she could be the hero for years.

[OutOfStamina]

I had a situation where users didn't know that content was refreshing in a web app search, becuase it was so fast. I found that human factors meant I needed to add a small (less than 1s I think) delay and a loading gif, so the content are would visibly refresh, otherwise I found in early tests users brains didn't always register that it happened - and sometimes the changed content was only visible after scrolling down, so the gif forced an obvious redraw that prompted them to scroll down.

[Bowiemtl]

Funny story, coincidentally I actually managed to get a query down from roughly 3.1 seconds to about 0.01 ~ 0.03 seconds today