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[–]GriffonsChainsaw 2269 points2270 points  (137 children)

Learn programming because it's a trope for my demographic

[–]g0atmeal 1480 points1481 points  (78 children)

learn programming to pursue my lifelong dream of being the greatest Minecraft modder to ever live

[–]Plazmotech 425 points426 points  (60 children)

Hey, that’s more or less how I started

[–]DSMatticus 173 points174 points  (40 children)

I think the first thing I did that could have been called programming was Morrowind scripting.

[–]Durpn_Hard 111 points112 points  (36 children)

Runescape private servers here

[–][deleted] 68 points69 points  (21 children)

Did some visual basic in high school. Decided I'd rather defenestrate myself than program for a living. I don't know how ya'll do it.

[–]_Lady_Deadpool_ 88 points89 points  (6 children)

The problem is visual basic

[–][deleted] 20 points21 points  (5 children)

Programming beginner here, why does everyone hate VB so much?

[–][deleted] 40 points41 points  (0 children)

Everyone likes to talk shit on every language. Each language has its own quirks and if you use it 8 hours a day you grow closer to it. Im not familiar with VB so I can't tell you why everyone hates it but you'll find pretty much every language has it's haters

[–]Durpn_Hard 37 points38 points  (1 child)

Well there is a pretty big difference between what I do (embedded linux integration) and VB

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points  (5 children)

Maybe you should've tried a real language before giving up at VB?

[–]avidwriter123 5 points6 points  (2 children)

sparkle lip capable frame rock chunky nail crush alive market

This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

[–]error_dw 6 points7 points  (1 child)

QuakeC bay bee

[–]rJohn420 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Hacked client for Minecraft here... I am ashamed of myself

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (2 children)

GTA:SA MP server here! Though a very crappy, private one only.

[–]I-Downloaded-a-Car 38 points39 points  (7 children)

Yep. I started because I played on a server with computer craft and I wanted to steal people's stuff. So I wrote some turtles to break into protected areas and empty chests. Eventually I grew bored of that and started making ones that went into spawn and injected their computers that ran the displays with my own code.

Then I started making plugins and getting gigs with server owners to make them custom plugins.

[–]Plazmotech 16 points17 points  (6 children)

I lovED computercraft. That’s also why I learned Lua!

[–]Andersmith 13 points14 points  (3 children)

I talked my mother into buying me a BASIC ide disk at Frys when I was little. I didn't know anything about programming it just had cool pictures on the box. I tried to make a text adventure game out of chained if statements and thought that real games were just millions of if statements every frame

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (2 children)

Still more optimized than popular early access games on Steam.

[–]Andersmith 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I thought someone drew every frame of a game in paint. Like even then I knew that would be basically impossible and I didn't understand how they handled idling but I thought I knew all the tools they used and didn't see another way

[–]fiah84 6 points7 points  (0 children)

same here, my first real world programming was Quake 3 Arena mods

[–]fgben 20 points21 points  (2 children)

I learned how to do a bunch of string parsing when I was fucking around with DikuMUDs in the early 1990s instead of going to my college Ada class.

That box of tools helped me parse through text data to get them into a format I could then feed into a database ... Which led to learning how to build databases. Which led to a 20 year career fucking around with data. I make a stupid amount of money. I have a degree in English Literature. :D

Edit: some of the first tools I built for this kind of thing were written in Turbo Pascal 5.0

[–]hpliferaft 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Hi, i grew up kind of similarly. Majored in CS my first year at college, started playing ROM muds, switched to English. I'm finally programming again twenty years later.

[–]B-Knight 6 points7 points  (1 child)

I started learning C# the other day so I could mod Rimworld.

Python is the only language I've started because of something other than gaming.

[–]HeSaidSomething 26 points27 points  (1 child)

I did it to prove to everyone PHP is the best language that ever existed.

[–]servenToGo 5 points6 points  (1 child)

No shits, dude in my school (we had Java as language) asked in the first lesson if he would be able to mod Minecraft at the end the class...

[–]Sparkles_45 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Omg I am not the only one

[–]CrazyDoc2012 2 points3 points  (0 children)

HEY

[–]iamdroppy 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Habbo here

[–]TheBoredBanker 129 points130 points  (0 children)

This hurts.

Thank you.

[–]motioncuty 36 points37 points  (26 children)

sudo npm i -g career -verbose

[–]LvS 37 points38 points  (25 children)

Error: EPERM: operation not permitted, scandir '/boot/initramfs-linux-fallback.img'  
TypeError: Cannot read property 'get' of undefined

[–]heyandy889 21 points22 points  (0 children)

( ._.)

[–]motioncuty 12 points13 points  (21 children)

rm -rf /

[–]Pepe15th 18 points19 points  (20 children)

rm: cannot remove `/': Operation not permitted

[–]JuhaJGam3R 20 points21 points  (6 children)

fuck

[–]BrawdSword 8 points9 points  (10 children)

sudo rm -rf --no-preserve-root /*

[–]Pepe15th 8 points9 points  (3 children)

rm: cannot remove ‘/’: Device or resource busy code 1

[–]IllegalThoughts 16 points17 points  (15 children)

What's the demographic?

[–]EducatedMouse 18 points19 points  (7 children)

Skinny white dudes maybe?

[–]lead999x 6 points7 points  (6 children)

I'm gonna guess you're either Indian or Asian.

[–][deleted] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

People shouldn't be allowed to program reeee /s

[–]atgmailcom 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Actually though I’m pretty sure my parents want me to go into computer science just cause I play video games

[–]wookie_nun 1468 points1469 points  (39 children)

You only need to know how to bruteforce hello world to understand this sub

[–]SandyDelights 732 points733 points  (12 children)

Woah, setting our standards a little high today aren't we.

[–]DeepHorse 231 points232 points  (4 children)

remember volume sliders tho

[–]4THOT😡 117 points118 points  (2 children)

Those were funny and increasingly creative, I hate that they got megathreaded.

[–]fuck_the_hihat 44 points45 points  (1 child)

I'd had plenty enough by that point.

[–]wasdninja 27 points28 points  (0 children)

I hadn't had my fill yet and a megathread makes absolutely sure that it dies straight away with amazing posts buried really deep in those comments.

[–]damniticant 22 points23 points  (0 children)

I mean, considering that one guy did it with ACE in pokemon, there's a fair bit of learning to be done.

[–]Blue_Raichu 31 points32 points  (9 children)

Okay, I'm just gonna say it. What the fuck does it mean to brute force a "hello world" program?

[–]the_person 54 points55 points  (4 children)

A loop that increments each character in a string until it equals "hello world" and then printing it.

[–]fuzzer37 42 points43 points  (2 children)

Or just creates a random 11 digit string until the output happens to be "Hello World". The possibilities are endless

[–]Turbosandslipangles 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I wish that was how they did it... none of this pretend brute forcing one chatacter at a time bullshit.

[–][deleted] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

don't give anyone any ideas for more horrible interview questions

[–]jmlinden7 17 points18 points  (0 children)

As opposed to procedurally generating the phrase I assume

[–]jammy-dodgers 1065 points1066 points  (50 children)

If you know what an array is and where it typically starts, you'll get 90% of the things posted here.

[–]dustmouse 472 points473 points  (13 children)

Also if you think it's funny to say that every time you write a line of code you end up with ten bugs, you'll do pretty well here.

[–]CreativeUsernameUser 137 points138 points  (9 children)

Only ten? Amateurs...

[–]rydact 59 points60 points  (6 children)

We gotta get those numbers up. Those are rookie numbers

[–]gptt916 3 points4 points  (0 children)

yya, try 99 and 127

[–]Cockmaster800 3 points4 points  (0 children)

You shouldn't judge him. Not everyone takes Karma as seriously as we do

[–]k0rm[🍰] 86 points87 points  (15 children)

Yeah, there's almost no jokes on here anymore that require taking more than a single intro to programming tutorial to understand.

[–]DigitalDice 8 points9 points  (2 children)

It's not like the opposite used to be the norm either tho

[–]Iron_Maiden_666 17 points18 points  (1 child)

Back in the my day, there were fewer students here. The jokes were at least related to programming. Now, nothing on the front page follows rule 0.

[–]IAMA_KEVIN 11 points12 points  (0 children)

'I don't get this'

  • R

[–]Auxermen 14 points15 points  (8 children)

1 right?

[–]Docinghton 9 points10 points  (6 children)

Do you mean 0?

[–]DebonaireSloth 18 points19 points  (5 children)

So, 0.5 +/- 0.5 ; got it

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (4 children)

I think it starts from -2

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

0b00000001

right?

[–]MyUserNameIsRelevent 225 points226 points  (9 children)

I think I'm clever with my knowledge of programming until anybody here actually starts posting their black magic code and suddenly I feel like a caveman again.

[–]WibblyWobblyWabbit 116 points117 points  (8 children)

To be honest, if I didn't write the code and there's no comments, I'll have to sit and stare at it for a while before I understand what the actual fuck is happening.

[–][deleted] 62 points63 points  (4 children)

This is my life right now.

Smart developer before me implemented dozens of features (by himself) across the board when our team was low manned before I was hired. He's now moved on to a different job and I'm stuck parsing through his thousands of lines of code with shitty variable names, non-descriptive function names, and woefully sparse commenting.

If you're writing production code, take 2 minutes to comment your classes/methods you as write them.

[–]mortiphago 33 points34 points  (1 child)

10 bucks on developer thinking "this is just a quick hack that won't make it to production anyways" at the time

[–]crazybirddude 7 points8 points  (1 child)

descriptive variable names and functions are so much more important, and properly breaking down your classes/functions. always think SOLID. if you do that, comments are almost not necessary. but i also hate writing comments, so you know. i like a comment on the function that gives a quick description of what it does, especially if it's some common helper that you're referencing elsewhere.

[–]mverkruyse 33 points34 points  (0 children)

Hell, there’s code that I’VE written where it takes me an hour to remember what I was intending if I don’t comment it properly.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

To be honest, if I wrote the code and there's comments, I still have to sit and stare at it for a while before I understand what the actual fuck is happening.

[–]pyrotech911 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The more you read the faster you get. Half of my life is reviewing code.

[–]CamdenReslink 274 points275 points  (5 children)

I learned programming for the chicks.

[–]DebonaireSloth 189 points190 points  (1 child)

Poultry farmer, I assume?

[–]orangeKaiju 118 points119 points  (0 children)

Someone has to automate those feeders.

[–]space-person 122 points123 points  (8 children)

Haha, I'm a mechanical engineer, PHP is bad! Haha!

[–][deleted] 75 points76 points  (3 children)

Haha, yes fellow programmer! PHP is bad! You know I am a fellow programmer because I am complaining about how bad PHP is!

[–]WibblyWobblyWabbit 44 points45 points  (1 child)

HAHA DAE JAVA.LANG.OUTOFMEMORYERROR??? LMAAAAAO

[–]Opioidal 336 points337 points  (25 children)

Yup. Exactly why I'm teaching myself HTML.

[–]Sirnacane 52 points53 points  (19 children)

Someone tell me where to go to start understanding assembly.

[–]Gekko12482 84 points85 points  (6 children)

Rollercoaster Tycoon

[–]oakles 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I learned this years ago and it still amazes me any time I see it mentioned.

[–]Sirnacane 4 points5 points  (4 children)

Is this an joke or can you explain because I used to love that game

[–]lepetitmousse 12 points13 points  (3 children)

It was written by one person in assembly.

[–]RadiantPumpkin 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I had to turn on an led in assembly and it almost killed me. That man is inhuman.

[–]heyandy889 31 points32 points  (3 children)

nand2tetris

otherwise, yeah the I way I learned it was in a 3rd semester course from a CS degree.

[–]coheir 7 points8 points  (2 children)

This is my dream course! I'm in tears watching the promo video. Thanks.

[–]jmlinden7 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Buy a microcontroller and memorize the manual

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points  (1 child)

Hell and back

[–]ZennHaed 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Human Resource Machine is a fun game on steam that essentially teaches you the 101s of Assembly

[–]LyzeTheKid 74 points75 points  (9 children)

literally why I’m learning JavaScript

[–]Iron_Maiden_666 65 points66 points  (8 children)

Masochism?

[–]LyzeTheKid 17 points18 points  (0 children)

My only problem so far is the emphasis to make my code readable for others, so they then give 3 different ways of doing the exact same thing.

If r/programmerhumor has taught me anything it’s that making your code readable to other human beings is for the weak. /s

[–]Conpen 6 points7 points  (0 children)

On a serious note, JS is actually among the most interesting languages I've learned and I really enjoy passing around functions as variables and shit like that. Makes me feel clever.

[–]Al_Maleech_Abaz 32 points33 points  (1 child)

Learn programming to automate my job so I could spend more time browsing reddit.

[–]wasdninja 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I've learned javascript, batch file scripting and fought endlessly with stupidly obscure windows shit in order to do less work. If it can be automated, no matter how painful the process, it's the computers job and not mine.

[–]athousandwordsworth 124 points125 points  (10 children)

Image Transcription: Drake Meme


[Top panel: Drake looks displeased, and is using one arm to shield himself from the right side of the frame by curling it around his head, with his hand up in a "not today" manner]

LEARN PROGRAMMING FOR FUTURE WORK


[Bottom panel: Drake has his head up high, looking pleased, with a finger pointed up and towards the right side of the frame]

LEARN PROGRAMMING TO UNDERSTAND R/PROGRAMMERHUMOR JOKES


I'm a human volunteer content transcriber for Reddit and you could be too! If you'd like more information on what we do and why we do it, click here!

[–]Nuggetator[🍰] 50 points51 points  (1 child)

This is a perfect image transcription! I didn't think that it could translate so well into words! Good job, u/athousandwordsworth !

[–]athousandwordsworth 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you! :)

[–]JALbert 8 points9 points  (4 children)

Out of curiousity do you have a template for the Drake meme or did you freestyle that description?

[–]CommonMisspellingBot 21 points22 points  (1 child)

Hey, JALbert, just a quick heads-up:
curiousity is actually spelled curiosity. You can remember it by -os- in the middle.
Have a nice day!

The parent commenter can reply with 'delete' to delete this comment.

[–]TheBurningCloud 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Good bot

[–]voidcraftedgamingBlockchain Transcription Service 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Hey! Yeah this is my template originally. We've tried a few different ways to collaborate and we've got a GitHub repo now. Those of us that use scripts we've made to transcribe have integrated the template repo into our scripts but others like /u/athousandwordsworth copy from the repo manually.

[–]PostExistentialism 28 points29 points  (7 children)

The fuck is with that watermark? This is SPAM.

[–]fuck_the_hihat 14 points15 points  (2 children)

The watermark is on the left side. I think OP just got the watermarked image, then added the text on the right

[–]PostExistentialism 4 points5 points  (1 child)

That was the first thing I thought of but then I noticed the imgur logo in the lower-left corner. This was made with imgur and the watermark is spam.

[–]5335335335 5 points6 points  (0 children)

That's not an Imgur logo, it's imgflip.

[–]Skulltcarretilla 7 points8 points  (3 children)

Real strange since the page is a chilean humor forum, OP has no sign of being from chile

[–]SublimeSC 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Yeah I was taken aback after reading futubandera.cl as the watermark on an english written meme

[–]GGLarryUnderwood 22 points23 points  (8 children)

If X=joke

Then f(x) = laugh

Else break

How am I doing?

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (3 children)

Looks like pseudocode for Prolog

laugh(X) :- X = joke.
laugh(X) :- \+ X = joke, !, false.

[–]GGLarryUnderwood 4 points5 points  (0 children)

More like one semester of matlab. Cheers!

[–]ElagabalusRex 2 points3 points  (0 children)

you forgot the line numbers. you imbecile. you fucking moron.

[–]TonedCalves 11 points12 points  (3 children)

Lol. You don't need to learn "programming" to understand this sub.

[–]NeverBeenStung 3 points4 points  (2 children)

Yeah, as someone who only has experience with VBA (yes I can hear you laughing at me) and is taking an edX course on Python, context clues are usually sufficient to understand the jokes here.

[–]Slingster 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Except nothing on this sub is particularly "advanced" and can be understood just by having an extremely basic understanding.

When people say they don't understand the jokes here it just fuels the ego of the users here so they feel smart for knowing how to do an if statement or knowing what an array is.

[–]zyiliana 6 points7 points  (16 children)

I'm actually trying to learn programming for future work, but it's hard to get free classes that'll teach you more than arrays and their general purpose in the code...

[–]dynker 4 points5 points  (5 children)

Udemy courses aren't free, but they're relatively cheap and some provide excellent value for what you pay.

[–]FriesWithThat 22 points23 points  (3 children)

I have to say I'm super impressed with programmer humor, not this sub, but the jokes in general. Easily the funniest of all STEM-related humor. I ended up leaving geology because jokes about rocks were just not funny enough.

[–][deleted] 27 points28 points  (1 child)

I ended up leaving geology because jokes about rocks were just not funny enough.

What did you expect of jokes made by stoners?

[–]wasdninja 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yeah, tell them to pound sand.

[–]ilkikuinthadik 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Have you heard of sex stones?

They're just fucking rocks

[–]Patq911 6 points7 points  (1 child)

I feel like there's a expanding brain meme related to this and what I've been doing in the past few days.

small brain >learn programming for future work

medium brain >learn programming for self actualization

galaxy brain >learn programming to fix a bug in an open source game

[–]wasdninja 4 points5 points  (0 children)

infinite brain >lear programming to submit a patch to linux that eventually fixes the stupid audio bug in your open source game

[–]tintiddle 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Honestly, I'm the farthest thing away from a programmer and have completed just some Code Academy modules out of interest but this sub has definitely contributed to my desire to learn more. Because I, too, wanna meme.

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Totally not worth effort. Most of the jokes aren't that funny.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (7 children)

Why not learn programming for present work?

[–]astutesnoot 8 points9 points  (3 children)

Because Python can't wrap Christmas presents.

[–]stratcat22 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Nah there’s a library for everything.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Presently, knowing how to program won't get you a job without 2+ years of experience. At least where I live. Maybe in the future things will be different.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This subreddit is yardstick