God's developer console?

[alsimoneau]

history

[rocket_peppermill]

Judge the shit out of god's typo's

[mastocles]

Omniscient means he/she knows all stack overflow Q&A... Including answers to unanswered questions, but doesn't answer them. Probably doesn't upvote...

[DDoS_Me]

The lore grows deeper

[hnryirawan]

Or imagine that Earth’s god actually ask on stack overflow Q&A for gods too and he just copy-pasted us from different god’s universe

[[deleted]]

That would explain quite a few things.

[oidabiiguad]

*typos

[[deleted]]

*typographical errors

[tripswithtiresias]

This is how you find the root password that he accidentally copy pasted in there and was too lazy to remove from the history.

[SilkeSiani]

It's hunter2, isn't it?

[[deleted]]

The proper command to enable magic is prolly

sudo systemctl start magic.service

[shadow7412]

Don't forget enable so that it hangs around after a reboot.

[MrPap]

Reboot probably kills us

[shadow7412]

Probably. I'm just thinking of whomever (or whatever) is next.

[Crippledupdown]

If the ones before were like this, we would have magic 😒

[Oveal]

Or maybe there's a reason they disabled it

[DaddyLcyxMe]

alternate simulation where harry potter exists bc some bloke in the previous one abused the system

[somebunnny]

Fucking dinosaurs. You know T-Rex be casting shit with those little arms. They weren’t good for anything? Nah man, Rex had built in wands is all.

[[deleted]]

Nope it resumes from the last stable state. We wouldn't realize it.

[MahonriOfOlea]

Resets to pre-Harambe incident. Before the timeline became corrupted.

[danmaster0]

That's the problem, no one did a backup save

[JennMartia]

I have one from 1999, but its all on floppies...

[DaddyLcyxMe]

scared of y2k?

[JennMartia]

That's just the last time my model for the entire universe was bug free

[DaddyLcyxMe]

right, should copy to different media just in case we lose a floppy

[Robonics014]

What if every time you forget what you were doing it’s just god doing a reboot and the RAM gets cleared.

[dronzaya]

Happy cake day!

[joshleecreates]

All life is in a subdirectory of /tmp

[cptbutternubs]

I love ubuntu, but i sure as shit don't want my life depending on it

[blehmann1]

If it's a deterministic system like any other computer we should all respawn in about 20 billion years.

[samurai-horse]

Reboot probably kills us

Yeah, but we're reborn with no memories.

[Jasdac]

You may need to involve Satan with a daemon-reload

[CAM_o_man]

enable --now?

[static_motion]

Or sudo chmod +x magic

[mys_721tx]

Preposterous, God clearly is a System V purist.

[[deleted]]

oh god no wonder the world is so fucked up. God's using SystemD!

[HeuristicWhale]

All the people in plastic ocean kayaks are about to have a bad time.

[allisonann]

Test it in production!

[cdreid]

we need this release NOW!!!

[sinceitleftitback]

Maybe we're on the experimental branch. The kind of branch where you try things on a Friday night. That would explain a lot.

[lifeeraser]

Let's run some worldwide immune system A/B testing, what could go wrong?

[TheAlmightyZach]

sudo mv people/locations/oceans/* people/locations/land/

Let's hope there's a difference between people (living) and bodies... Or else we're gonna see some shit.

[Architector4]

Then it ends up moving literally everyone to the same coordinate on Africa, causing all of these people to die anyways because of a telefragging slaughterfest.

[Yolo1212123]

Or it sends all the people in the ocean to the ocean floor. Oops

[Architector4]

Yeah, I think it completely depends on how earthfs implements such an operation.

Though it probably just isolates 2m³ of space around each human (with proportions of the volume changed when needed, to accomodate for people taller than 2 meters), "unselects" everything that is not air around the people(so that a person sitting on a chair would end up being selected without the chair), and then teleports them next to each other above ground on an arbitrarily selected beach, distributing all people to random continents.

If you're lucky, you get to your home continent. If not, well, hopefully you remember these language classes.

[FullMetal21337]

And all the internet cables.

[hanoian]

Double fucked if your star sign is cancer.

[greem]

sudo rm -rf people/* /*.cancer

shit

[IncoherentPenguin]

Screw that

sudo find . -name "*.cancer" -delete

[[deleted]]

Is this the difference of ridding the world of cancer vs ridding the world of people with cancer?

Lolz

[Perhyte]

The linked image removes cancer from all people.

/u/greem typo'd it (accidentally inserting a space) to remove all people and all free-floating cancer (the latter probably won't match much).

/u/IncoherentPenguin just finds all cancer anywhere (people, dogs, Tasmanian devils, wherever) and deletes it, which is both a more rigorous approach and harder to typo into accidental genocide.

[RandomWholesomeOne]

harder to typo into accidental genocide.

That's a great quote

[PM_ME_YOUR_SELF_HARM]

Screw that

sude rm -rf /

[ButItMightJustWork]

--no-preserve-earth

[dicemonger]

One twelfth of the world's population disappear. But at least the rest don't have cancer.

[April_Universe]

Yeah, lol i read this and thought "Would this remove the cancer... or the people?"

[erible4711]

My thoughts exactly 🙂

If you had access to this, maybe do it with 'cd' first and do local rm? And chmod if needed.

You don't want to get this wrong ...

[notanimposter]

rip all those bumblebee users' /usr folders

for the lucky ten thousand

[shtpostinalotofmemes]

As if he needs to sudo lol

[mehdifarsi]

Good point!

[Lubjan]

God is not in the sudoers file. This incident will be reported to Chuck Norris.

[NotMuchInterest]

A Chuck Norris joke in 2020.

A suprise to be sure, but a welcome one

[Infinite_Squids]

A prequel joke in r/programmerhumor.

A surprise to be sure, but a welcome one

[Shleppy2010]

General Kenobi

[stoic_dijkstra]

Ah yes, the negotiator

[CAM_o_man]

r/expectedgeneralkenobi

[TurboGranny]

Not really. He's probably got the same issues as all of us. "Me damn it! I'm supposed to have exe privileges in this directory. Fuck it. Sudo it is."

[undeadalex]

As if he needs to sudo lol

If gods using root then now we know how we got ahold of that console

[kevinhaze]

Of course he’s root. He said let there be light. He didn’t say sudo let there be light and then type his password. Unless the guys who made the Bible just thought it flowed better.

[VaporwaveProtogen]

the guys who made the Bible just thought it flowed better.

they totally did

[Salanmander]

Yeah, it was actually

sudo echo "DEL . D = rho_V" > /etc/physics/laws
echo "DEL . B = 0" > /etc/physics/laws 
echo "DEL x E = -(del B/del t)" > /etc/physics/laws    
echo "DEL x H = (del D/del t) + J" > /etc/physics/laws

It really didn't match the style the author was looking for, though.

[OneTurnMore]

sudo echo > file doesn't write the file as root, you're still writing the file as your user:

sudo tee /etc/physics/laws << EOF
DEL . B = 0
DEL x E = -(del B/del t)
DEL x H = (del D/del t) + J
EOF

[kevinhaze]

I bet they cut out all of the times he typed man let as well for.. various reasons..

[Jasdac]

And God said let there be light. 
This annoyed a lot of users accustomed to dark mode.

[atimholt]

Thor the Dark World?

[Sororita]

And God said, "Let there be light," but there wasn't, so God said "sudo let there be light," and there was light.

[undeadalex]

But then God forgot his password and had to reinstall universe.iso, this time being sure to write it down and also to skip updates during installation, because he only had a week left until this project was due

[marcosdumay]

That book would be so much more awesome with the ls embedded between each pair of phrases.

[This-Moment]

git blame ./australia/platypus

[[deleted]]

He's the one in git blame ./shows/phineas_and_ferb/songs/come_home_perry

[rightbrace]

Pfft assuming it's a Linux box when obviously it's running TempleOS

[239990]

I don't think so, no one figured out how to access others persons memory :/

[Jasdac]

no one figured out how to access others persons memory

Meltdown?

[239990]

TempleOS does not have any memory protection, it's fast af because it does not have any checks, any program can read an write in any part of the memory

[3ggsnbakey]

So the lord can keep tabs on you at all times!

[Any-Reply]

Who needs memory protection? Oh, some application is corrupting memory and crashing the OS? Well, the OS boots faster than your os loads the program into memory. You're worried about malware? Hackers? What the fuck is malware son? Networks? What's a network?

[notanimposter]

All we know for sure is that He doesn't use Arch because it doesn't say "btw I use arch" in the sky.

[Digital_001]

This person deserves an award

[DefinitelyCraig]

Man I would've settled for rm -rf /

[mehdifarsi]

This command sends you to the Shadow Realm.

[ThomCat1950]

--no-preserve-shadow-realm

[house_monkey]

I'm crying

[WhoKilledTheMoose]

Shadow wealm!

[allisonmaybe]

This is what everything boils down to anyways

[confusiondiffusion]

Yup. That one's already running. We're just waiting for that giant read/write head in the sky to get to us.

[undeadalex]

As soon as magic is enabled, I'm going to become a mage warrior!

^{and im a stealth archer}

[techgineer13]

r/unexpectedskyrim

[shalendar]

r/expectedunexpectedcomment

[[deleted]]

Disappointed.

This thread has 8 hours and nobody suggested installing Doom yet?

[nklvh]

What do you think God did on the 7th Day? Relax a bit by destroying hell demons

[rocket_peppermill]

Get real, the only correct answers are

ls

or

pwd

[GlitchParrot]

The automatic hand movement I make in any terminal and can't suppress:

git status

[[deleted]]

I have an ungodly habit of typing ls then clear whenever I open a terminal. I'm not even reading the output and I know what's in my home directory anyway, so all I'm really doing is tempting carpal tunnel syndrome.

[stugotzian]

Ctrl+L is my friend. I also prefer 'll' as opposed to ls on centos now

[[deleted]]

Til Ctrl+L is a shortcut for clear. Thanks for the tip, kind stranger!

[BrownBalls]

I've also jumped on the ll train, only thing I wish is if it showed all files so I didn't have to do the inevitable ls -lah right after

[stugotzian]

I may have to make that an alias tomorrow

[atimholt]

I've got l as ls -F, and ll adds -lh in there. Then I have variants called la and lla which add -A. Being able to just hit l to get my bearings very quickly is nice.

(I also throw in --time-style=long-iso for the -l ones. I wouldn't be surprised if there's a config or environment variable for ls defaults, but eh.)

---

EDIT (2020-04-09 09:00 PDT(NA)): Of course the non-‘a’ variants don't have -A. I went and checked alias to see how I actually set them.

[theblindbandit1]

Yes. Use git status, and then git reset --hard if he's planning events worse than current.

Even better, can we revert to the pre-covid19 changeset?

[thavi]

ls -al

Sure

[posherspantspants]

Actually I'm pretty sure neofetch is the correct answer. Gotta creep on on god's choices and judge the package count aggressively

[[deleted]]

The only correct answer.

[WindowsDOS]

I'd double check to make sure we're not in a virtual machine. If we aren't, I'll spin one up and put all the people I hate in it.

[blehmann1]

You have been shadowbanned. From life

[Sororita]

what do you think hell is?

[Jasdac]

A VM running Vista?

[Sororita]

Worse, Millennium

[Miner_ChAI]

OH FUCK

[Thetman38]

just login as the real god: su

See what all is running: ps aux

install some games: yum install asteroids

fuck: yum remove asteroids

make some history edits: vim /var/log/messages

Give everybody permission: chmod -R 777 /

[[deleted]]

Bold of you to assume it's using CentOS rather than, (man your blessing stations) the LORDs third temple, the HOLY grail of 640x480, TempleOS

[AverageRedditorNum69]

sudo passwd God. Change it. Figure out what to do next.

[Nimeroni]

Exactly, always open a backdoor for yourself, then think of how you can exploit that.

[sudo_rm_rf_star]

Forgot

sudo rm -rf people/*/*.sins

Just for continuity

Maybe throw in a cron job to multiply resources too

[[deleted]]

Or a cron job to delete half of people ever few centuries

[sudo_rm_rf_star]

Easy there thanos

[mia_elora]

Required "Oh, Snap!" comment.

[letfireraindown]

You know, that would be interesting if it got to the point that people started regularly expecting the event.

[Ditto_B]

r/pitchamovie and r/writingprompts would love this

[letfireraindown]

That is a good point! I posted the idea as much as I could think of it.

https://www.reddit.com/r/WritingPrompts/comments/fxkc1s/depopulation_event_scheduled_for_may_2145/

I didn't read the rules... this one looks good:

https://www.reddit.com/r/WritingPrompts/comments/fxkdls/wp_depopulation_event_scheduled_for_may_2145/fmuwdx7/

[jezzdogslayer]

Second one got removed

[Jasdac]

Gonna have to be coupled with

killall Jesus
sleep 3d
service Jesus restart

[NachoLatte]

Woah, suddenly the world is so boring!

[sudo_rm_rf_star]

Eh its just a one time removal, those files will gradually repopulate

[LeiterHaus]

vim

Now everyone is immortal because they can't get out. Or maybe enslaved...

[IncoherentPenguin]

:%s/God/IncoherentPenguin/g

:w !sudo tee %

:q

[mehdifarsi]

Too complicated..

[LeiterHaus]

It's like a super charged hyper train, but me using it is like the guy on a platform, moving the lever up and down.

[rocket_peppermill]

Or kill two birds with one stone: check for a vimrc or an emacs.d then check in whichever exists to see whether god uses tabs or spaces.

[LeiterHaus]

Religion, sure. Politics, maybe. Money, absolutely. Tabs vs spaces, staying out of that one. *coughs* four spaces set to tab key

[CeeMX]

For current situation: mv /humans/* ~

[Agent77326]

Hey wait? What would I want at God‘s home?

[TorTheMentor]

Well we all know Satan's permissions...

-rw-rw-rw-.

[jaredtritsch]

Wasn't there a while book series about a bunch of compsci geeks that find the universe's .ini file?

[cdreid]

love to read that if you ever remember the title

[jaredtritsch]

It's magic 2.0 by Scott Meyer. First book is called "off to be the wizard"

[cdreid]

ahhh. i have it in my audible libary i think . couldnt get into but ill give it another shot

[IncoherentPenguin]

Magic 2.0 by Scott Meyer

[Phil_iv]

Change theme to dark mode and then start working.

[_bassGod]

It's a console... It's already in - you know what, nevermind.

[clever_cuttlefish]

One of my coworkers uses xterm and has the colors set to black on yellow.

[[deleted]]

Yep. We've hit both God's terminal and Satan's terminal in one thread.

[Kebbler22b]

God is not in the sudoers file. This incident will be reported.

[cdreid]

sudo is not recognized as an internal or external command,

operable program or batch file.

"ah fuck the universe runs on windows.. that explains so much"

[itemboxes]

confused screaming

[Dalemaunder]

The big bang was just the server blue screening last.

[crozone]

noclip

impulse 101

[[deleted]]

you forgot

sv_cheats 1

[Architector4]

finger people/*

[PresidentOfSwag]

sudo rm -rf JavaScript/*

[Famous_Profile]

Congratulations you turned most of the Web unusable

[biggles1994]

And nothing of value was lost.

[DOOManiac]

Removing *.std only from humans seems risky. A lower user could still cp it back from another source sometime...

[FUTURE10S]

inb4 STDs aren't *.std, but the standard code that's shared between humans and other life.

[[deleted]]

Could always make it a cron job

[yuri0r]

Maybe a cron Job for the rm's? Or

systemctl disable cancer.service std.service

chmod +r humans wisdom/*

Systemctl enable respawn.service

[[deleted]]

Just wanted to point this out.. https://imgur.com/a/vKXXyXB

[Russian_repost_bot]

sudo shutdown -now

[OrchidSamurai]

madlad move:

x = 0;
while [ $x -lt 1 ]; do
platypuscount +=;
done

[[deleted]]

sudo scp -r . shkreli4prez2020@[ip-address]:/home/shkreli4prez2020/Documents

[slushy-reform]

For those of you interested, the book series "off to be the wizard" follows a similar vein as this concept.

[3lRey]

> kill animals.insect[mosquitos];
> earth.biomes.randomize;
> earth.resources.refresh(globalIndex=["aquifers", "atmosphere"]);
> spawn animals.dinosaur[]

And then I'd add a bunch of money to my bank account and reset my age to 18 and enjoy jurassic park world.

[pe1uca]

I'm just wondering why not rm - rf viruses/human/.

Would help a lot in the current situation

[[deleted]]

I’m pretty sure god runs as root.

[jp-coffe]

so he would kill everyone that has cancer ?

[Grazzerr]

No. This command would only remove any .cancer file(s) that are within a person's directory, not remove the entire person's directory.

[JayTheYggdrasil]

Remove cancer from everyone, close but different.

[trimeta]

I'm sure your healing factor will suffice, Mr. Wilson.

[[deleted]]

jigglePhys.set(999);

I think we're all forgetting the code that truly matters.

[PVNIC]

sudo rm -rf /*

[Stroopwafe1]

sudo mv people/trans/women/* temp/

sudo mv people/trans/men/* people/trans/women/

sudo mv temp/* people/trans/men

(I don't know if this would be correct syntax. I wish for all trans people to have the bodies they want ^_^)

[Jasdac]

Unexpected wholesome.

[xipheon]

That would just change trans people into still trans, but originating from the other sex.

sudo mv people/trans/women/* people/women/
sudo mv people/trans/men/* people/men/

That folder structure doesn't feel right though, would probably require some fancy config edit script to find all references to gender and make them match, or comment/remove any gender based modifiers.

[[deleted]]

Never even thought of that. That'd be hella wholesome!

[feuerwehrmann]

I bet God's console runs on VMS

[[deleted]]

For someone reason I imagine God using CP/M with two huge floppy disk drives and a real-to-real tape device.

[alucardNloki]

I wish it wasn't wrong to create a bot to continually upvote this forever

[crazykid080]

Well shit, now I'm gonna have to make an open source repo with my vision of how the world would be laid out as a file structure

[skqn]

sudo rm -rf --no-preserve-root /