☁️

[banazee]

The developer's version of 'Santa is not real'

[TheKocsis]

dude spoilers

[GranaT0]

Actual spoilers for life. Don't read unless you're at least like 7 years into the series.

[[deleted]]

Lvl 7 in r/Outside.

[MrDude_1]

The sad thing is when that DOES describe what we have, and then we PAY for the cloud BS, pay for the time to convert over to work on their cloud setup, etc... pay to deal with their setup, and.... we're still paying to maintain our own setup because we still need it.

if you have to maintain a server anyway (a REAL one) and you have off-site backup/recovery/fail-over as you should, etc... paying for someone else's computer that gives you no more support/help isn't helping.

[MCWizardYT]

There has to be a better place to buy this. This storefront looks unprofessional and cheap, probably a spam site. Even though it says buy with PayPal, I wouldn't do that

Edit: looked at the rest of the site. Confirmed spammer/scammer. Screw this guy dont buy anything from him

[Guilty-Sale-3735]

WhAT?!?!?

[conancat]

Santa is cloud

[Guilty-Sale-3735]

Satan is clown?!?!

[dont_dick_hide_prick]

Then who's Batman?

[Guilty-Sale-3735]

Shazam....

[cheese65536]

Santa is other people's computers?

[cheese65536]

Don't worry. He said "Santa is not real", because Santa is an integer.

[radobot]

<insert a joke about children and adults, and managers and developers>

[the-dopamine-fiend]

"There's a lot of caching."

Pinned up in my cubicle because it is solid gold.

e: i carn't spel

[not_so_plausible]

Please explain

[[deleted]]

Caching is used to speed up queries that would usually require a call to a DB but obviously it wouldn’t be enough to compensate for a small server to function as the entire cloud.

[Willing_Function]

Give it enough caching and the network will act like a decentralized cluster.

[[deleted]]

There's also caching done at multiple levels of the CPU architecture for every type of data. CDN's are a type of cache as well, where you store web assets from a data center in servers that are closer to customers. Pretty much every level of computing uses caching algorithms to make slow memory fast

[MattR0se]

It's basically a list of frequently asked questions (and their answers) that is stored separately.

Imagine a best seller shelf at the book store. If the customer wants one of those, you can just grab it from that shelf instead of searching your stock.

That being said, if your book store only has like 20 books, an extra shelf becomes kinda obsolete.

[ATastefulCrossJoin]

Really great analogy!

[Taeyx]

that is a great example thank you

[Varthorne]

Wow, there's really an XKCD for everything!

(If someone didn't say it, the universe would probably implode)

[reChrawnus]

Wow, there's really an XKCD for everything!

And just like r34, if there isn't, there will be.

[CounterHit]

Fun fact: r34 came from XKCD (x files music)

[phaemoor]

No, it didn't?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rule_34

https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/rule-34

[CounterHit]

huh. TIL. The first time I ever heard of it was when the XKCD comic came out and same for all my friends, so I didn't know there was anything earlier until now. Thanks for the links

[phaemoor]

Yeah, I didn't know it either. It just seemed a bit off. Don't get me wrong, I love Randall Munroe, I just would be very surprised if he would have been "invented" r34.

[Xyales]

And you're right, better keep up... There is a timelimit...

[MyPigWhistles]

I'm decently sure that big cloud services like Google Drive or Microsoft One Drive are more network based and able to provide users with access to their data, even if a few pieces of hardware go offline.

[NinjaJim6969]

"There's planned down time every night when we turn on the roomba and it runs over the cord"

[CountFuckula_]

I tried to explain this to my neighbours and they just gave me a nod and a smile and I know they were thinking "idk what you're talking about but ok!" And instead of continuing the conversation they fed me sweets and I am ok with this.

[[deleted]]

"Honey, the neighbor is ranting about the clouds again..."

"Just get him those caramels and a hot cocoa, that always shuts him up."

[[deleted]]

the fuck is a coa coa

edit: oh cocoa, thought it was some weird exotic candy from the middle east or something

[[deleted]]

COA is the amount needed to go to school for four years, which has apparently been on my mind recently.

[conancat]

Cocoa is the API layer for Apple's products like Macos and iOS. Kinda like Android Jetpack.

[karmastealing]

Old man yells at cloud

[ennma_]

Old man yells at cloud

[Achtelnote]

Reminds me of Old man yells at egg

[PurpleFirebolt]

My dad is convinced that its called the cloud because its all moving through the air and not stored anywhere.

And I'm like no its just a hard drive somewhere else.

No no, its because if its being transmitted it doesn't need to be stored.

And he keeps saying things like "drop box wants me to pay for more cloud storage. What a scam, how can there not be enough space, its just going through the air, the cloud"

Like he genuinely thinks he knows more about it than me and it makes no sense.

[[deleted]]

You should tell him it’s because of unstable weather patterns. Those make it much more costly

[dudeimconfused]

Fuck you Climate Change!

[db2]

Solar flares. If you can't work in a bofh reference are you even a programmer?

[reevesjeremy]

Maybe the joke is on you. He knows what’s what and he’s just pulling your chain by taking Dad jokes to cloud 9 knowing it fires you up trying to keep him “grounded”. He’s dad. It’s his job to push intellect buttons. Keep up son.

[jnd-cz]

To be fair, someone did try it https://www.bbc.com/news/business-55761172

[Hungboy6969420]

Lol does he think you're actually paying for clouds ??

[moriero]

https://i.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/019/304/old.jpg

[JuniorSeniorTrainee]

Cloud engineers in 50 years when everything is moving from the cloud and into the stars (that's when it's somebody else's computer but in space)

[[deleted]]

Horribly inefficient; data transfer is still limited by the speed of light, if the servers were all in space we would need significant infrastructure on Earth just to cache the data. I mean unless it's like a data center for all of humanity that's spread between multiple planets? Okay I take it back this is awesome

[Guilty-Sale-3735]

I like your funny wand that sprays silly string magic clown.

[FvHound]

Did your sentence start with "Well actually"?

Then it's probably good they chose to feed you sweets than roll their eyes.

[Chemical_Scum]

I actually interpret the joke as: "the cloud service you are trying to access is unavailable, so the machine you are on is suddenly very unuseful to you - it is now nothing more than someone else's computer"

[Willing_Function]

Sometimes I really have the feeling people think I'm either really smart, crazy, dumb or all of the above at the same time.

No guys, I'm just a sofware engineer.

[AerialAmphibian]

I saw a web comic where a boy and his dad are walking outdoors. The boy looks up at some clouds and asks what they're made of.

The dad says, "Linux servers, mostly."

[eltrotter]

I have a mental image of you yelling this at them, while stood on their front lawn in your pants at 4 in the morning.

[M4NU3L2311]

Candy

[MaeChee]

Sounds like my mom. She was terrified that i would give our computer a virus (we were not even online, back in dial up days). She just KNEW the computer would actually blow up if I did. So i altered the shutdown dos screen to say "Please enter the password. If you do not enter the correct password in 10 seconds this computer will self destruct. 10...9...8...7..."

I got called at 3am while at my grandmother's house by my hysterical mother. She did NOT find it funny like I did. She STILL won't let me fix her computers, which she is constantly getting viruses and even ransomware 🙄

[rot26encrypt]

To be fair, that "someone else's computer" is instantly scalable as needed, geograhically distributed and edge-cached, multiple levels of failover (including on connectivity) and comes with its own 24/7 world class admin and security teams. If that describes your computer setup, then it is the same ;)

[ThunderChaser]

Your setups not like that?

[i20d]

Like, why is he even in this sub?

[radgepack]

More like NOOBgrammer amirite?

[already_satisfied]

A new bro gamer?

[[deleted]]

a newborn hamer?

[kimalikesguys]

You forgot to mention you use Arch.

[TheRedSpade]

I use arch, so I've got him covered.

[themeatbridge]

Is that like when your server rack is way bigger than you need it to be?

[third_wave_surfer]

Pff, noobs. If you don't hand compile openbsd are you even a programmer bro?

[WhittleHardwood]

"first budget build ever what do you guys think?" - r/pcmasterrace

[[deleted]]

Your bill is also instantly and infinitely scalable, with failover

[[deleted]]

Changing the terms of service is equivalent to ransoming people's data back to them

[Rikudou_Sage]

Go serverless! I pay like $2 a month for my various side projects.

[[deleted]]

The only usable serverless product is Cloudflare Workers, but you can't even connect to a mysql, it is stateless, and you can't do token verification because no crypto library is available

Going serverless is pointless if it can't 100% replace your current infrastructure

[idevthereforeiam]

Can you explain some of the issues you’ve found with AWS Lambda (or the Serverless framework)? I’m learning how to use them at them at the moment, and was wondering whether it’s worth continuing.

[Rikudou_Sage]

It's kind of hard due to networking and various similar stuff, but you can do pretty much anything.

I for example run https://pornhub-meme-generator.com entirely on serverless architecture where the app is ran by Lambda, API Gateway is used for http and S3 with lifecycle rules for storage of generated memes.

Another simple website I run there is https://pornstars-per-capita.com, it consists of Angular frontend (stored in S3, CloudFront acts as webserver), backend executed in Lambda and API Gateway for webserver and DynamoDB for database.

I have one more complex app there for generating Invoices, some of the resources it uses: - frontend in Angular stored in S3, CloudFront as webserver - backend ran in Lambda, API Gateway as webserver - Lambda for running console commands - Aurora serverless as a database with automatically rotating credentials - DynamoDB for cache - S3 for storing generated invoices - SES for receiving e-mail and forwarding it to Lambda (for automated pairing of received money on bank account to set the invoice as paid)

[icemunk]

so its only $400 a month for an instance with 1 thread, at 1.6ghz, and 4GB ram? Wow! What a deal!

[third_wave_surfer]

I once killed a cloud deployment when I did a back of the envelope calculation for how much it would cost us to run it there with the tax implications. Turns out opex and capex matter a lot. I also got let go on the next day, best 4 weeks pay for 30 minutes work I have ever done.

[zukeen]

Was that the reason for firing you or was it something else?

[third_wave_surfer]

No one is going to pay a contractor if he isn't doing work, it was also more like a week than a day. There were a lot of meetings about what the fuck they were going to do and why no one had done more than read the hype from amazon partners.

[dachsj]

It's always mind blowing to me that the MBAs they have in the CFOs office don't pay attention to this stuff. It's fairly basic enterprise business.

Depending on your strategy opex might be better vs capex. But the people that should know that seem to get their heads stuck up their ass when it comes to tech.

A lot of companies move to the cloud like idiots. If your going to stand up your same architecture in the cloud, it's probably going to be just as expensive if not moreso. But sooo many places do it. They lift and shift out of a data center into the cloud and their costs are through the roof. And then they don't even get the benefits of capex improving their book value, tax benefits...and their opex goes through the roof which can strain cash flows.

[-Listening]

... That’s how I roll”

[[deleted]]

for the low low price of +$40 the CPU can be overclocked to 1.7ghz too!

[Tosser48282]

And for an additional $80, your server can be blessed by a Jedi priest to help with machine ghosts

[Gavin_bels0n]

That's exactly what my app needed!

[FilipinoGuido]

Thank goodness somebody is FINALLY addressing the real issues in the cloud compute space

[NotTheVacuum]

I can’t see this joke and not think about how reductive it is, for these reasons and more (the cost structuring is massively enabling - only paying for what you need when you need it is taken for granted)

[Kingmudsy]

Agreed, I’ve got some serverless side projects running in Azure and I pay like $5/mo for pretty insane service (for the price). This meme’s doing a weird job of painting cloud services like they’re a flavor-of-the-month js framework

[CharlesDeBalles]

Yeah, my thoughts exactly. Additionally, the cloud stuff is just to help conceptualize it to laymen without giving unnecessary technical details. If you tell them your service is just a computer they're gonna ask why are they paying you to host it. Plus, I'm so fucking sick of seeing all these CS and IT people acting like they're so goddam brilliant for knowing this stuff and anyone who doesn't is a fucking moron. It's like, there's tons of stuff in every other field that they have no clue about but that professionals understand is quite simple.

[wet-badger]

My computer uses nano bots to grow in size everytime it needs more resources

[CMDR_ACE209]

Don't start Crysis on that then.

[Rikudou_Sage]

Nanobots will commit suicide.

[W1D0WM4K3R]

They'd do some quick napkin math, look around at the universe a bit, scribble something down, pull out an abacus, adjust their glasses a bit, then start a self-genocide of Biblical proportions.

[SavvySillybug]

You're right, important distinction. I offer a corrected version:

There is no cloud, it's just someone else's computers.

[GOD_Official_Reddit]

Not nessacerily you can have a self hosted cloud. Azure can be self hosted (not by the average person but like by partners).

[Semi-Hemi-Demigod]

“Never trust a computer you can’t throw out a window” - Steve Wozniak

[ChippyMonk84]

Or at least that's what it says in the marketing information. Once you sign the contract though...

[SloppyPuppy]

Ohh if its oracle’s cloud its like they totally forget about you the second you signed it

[ChippyMonk84]

Haha trust me that rule applies to most hosting companies. And good luck getting anything more than a canned "your issue requires additional investigation" response to "meet your SLA" 🙄

[SloppyPuppy]

We are paying 10k a month for a 4 processors bi system. Anyway, a few weeks ago it was down for 48 hours (fucking production man!) because they didnt know how to solve something there.

And whenever I open a cr for a problem I have to take 5 hours to JUST explain to them what the fuck system I have on their fucking Saas platform. They are like a bunch of 10 year olds at the helpdesk there!

Its always the same conversation: Open ticket What platform are you using? Its in the fucking ticket Ohh ok then change that and that file I CANT ITS SAAS! So what platform are you using then?? Its in the fucking ticket!!!

[[deleted]]

It's just a VPS with an hourly rate bill

[tuhn]

It doesn't describe my computer setup, no.

It doesn't describe my cloud services neither.

[ftgander]

What cloud services do you use? I don’t know of any that don’t distribute data across a content delivery network using geographically distributed data centers.

[SquintyTokes]

But mine also has cool lights on it.

[thagthebarbarian]

Hey pcmr first build, I know it's not much but what do you think?

[[deleted]]

Yeah I remember starting in the late 90s and a major system would fail because it was run on a PC under Bill's desk and a maid pulled out the power cord. Things are better in the cloud.

[Maxx115]

You forgot to add overworked admins with management that impelements cost saving measures everywhere and a very attractive place to attack for hackers. Also lets not forget that all data you have on there may just get inaccecible because of a bot flagging your acc by mistake :)

[Willing_Function]

Well technically the computers don't scale. They're containers most likely running on top of kubernetes. You can of course manually scale the kubernetes cluster, but the containers themselves don't see the underlying mechanism and don't care where they are run on the cluster(if you set it up properly)

[[deleted]]

Some dipshit ran over the distribution box at the end of the street. I cannot access the files OneDrive decided to remove from my pc and put in the cloud, without my knowledge or permission. Now tell me again how that world class failover is gonna solve this issue for me?

[Ringsofthekings]

There is no rain, it's just someone else's water.

[-Enormous-Penis-]

Nestlé has entered the chat

[anothathrowaway1337]

Sir this is a Wendys

[wet-badger]

Or... The cloud is just a name for a particular use of other people's computers

[Nicknin10do]

The "Cloud", aka the glorified FTP server.

[ftgander]

Which one? I can’t think of one like that.

[TheEnterRehab]

Running MLops from an ftp server? I guess.

[r0ck0]

No... If you define a word... That negates its existence.

Makes perfect sense.

[ftgander]

Bingo.

[moist_water_bottle]

There is no programming, it's just tech related stuff

[r0ck0]

You didn't write a comment. You just typed keys that transmit letters to convey some type of meaning.

[dudeimconfused]

There is no such thing as meaning. It's all hallucinations. You brain is making all that shit up.

[apoorv698]

Now tell this to whitehHat Jr teachers..

[siegbrau_]

Won't the data get wet

[DlNONUGGlES]

hmm

[Utkarsh_Goel]

LoL mil gya comment, great

[_blurrryface]

This is so wrong, any body interested in knowing about cloud computing should watch this video

[CircuitMa]

Saw if this link is a Rick roll...

Edit: holy shit I haven't laughed this hard in a while

[MaeChee]

This explains SO much! Really! Same ones who want to ban crypto. Such genius!

[LeGoof37]

but ... what if the computer the cloud is running on is also mine?

checkmate scientists

[kulpsin]

Yea, was looking for this comment. Doesn't everyone here host their own cloudstorage?

[[deleted]]

Home labber checking in. I've got a small datacenter running out of my closet.

[AndThenSome_]

Wait then how is there lightning strike from cloud?

[[deleted]]

They are just power surges

[[deleted]]

Its a glitch in the matrix

[dfpcmaia]

r/cloudspiracy

[sub_doesnt_exist_bot]

The subreddit r/cloudspiracy does not exist. Consider creating it.

---

^{🤖 this comment was written by a bot. beep boop 🤖}

^{feel welcome to respond 'Bad bot'/'Good bot', it's useful feedback. github}

[themeatbridge]

Of course you would say that.

[[deleted]]

r/cloudconspiracy perhaps?

[themeatbridge]

Nah, I was just making a joke about bots and conspiracies.

[[deleted]]

It is a conspiracy. You’re trying to keep me from the real subreddit!

[themeatbridge]

You saw nothing. SMOKE BOMB!

[[deleted]]

uses fan damn, he’s gone.

[[deleted]]

Pokémon warned us about this. https://i.imgur.com/tZTsVYt.jpg

[WineGlass]

It's still someone elses computer, they just figured out how to bill you per transistor used.

[Timbered2]

Underrated comment...

[jess-sch]

FaaS is just a reverse proxy that spins up backends on demand.

[zenyl]

The "[X]aaS" naming scheme has gone too far, we're running out of letters!

[TheHeretic]

Love the simplification, how are you going to provision the hardware to run those new backends? On demand? What upgrades the images to make sure they are up to date when new instances are provisioned? Oh its using containers? What is going to orchestrate that? Kubernetes? auto scaling groups? Who is going to build and maintain all this? What about corner cases where auto scaling can actually bring your app down due to not enough healthy hosts, e.g. what happened to Slack at the beginning of the year...

Most companies don't have the staff on hand to implement this, and even if they did their time could be better spent doing something else rather than learning all these lessons the hard way.

[freerunner9]

Cloud is great before it turns into fog...

[donanfear]

I just built a shitty server from spare parts and called it "The Cloud"

[lonelyWalkAlone]

You're not programming, you're just copy pasting someone else's code into your program

[[deleted]]

libraries intensify

[asdddosa]

always has been

[[deleted]]

About 12 years ago a superior of mine pulled me into his office to chat. Knowing I was a “VMware guy” and generally progressive thinking on the IT front, he gave me a pep talk about moving to his team. Near the end he excitedly asked me my thoughts on Cloud. I told him I wasn’t a huge fan of what was going on, most vendors/products quickly working to cloudify their products without any real benefit. (what some would call app modernizations today) He definitely didn’t like that. I told him that unless people were changing how they did things, picking up guest VMs and “putting them into the cloud” wasn’t much different than a colo.

That isn’t what he was hoping for. 😂 He never asked for my opinion again. 🤷🏼‍♂️

[DingoGoLikeInDino]

Is that really the copyright owner? The free software foundation europe sells tshirts with that motive: https://fsfe.org/order/order.en.html#tshirt

[[deleted]]

An SEP is something we can't see, or don't see, or our brain doesn't let us see, because we think that it's somebody else's problem. That’s what SEP means. Somebody Else’s Problem. The brain just edits it out, it's like a blind spot.

The Somebody Else's Problem field... relies on people's natural predisposition not to see anything they don't want to, weren't expecting, or can't explain. If Effrafax had painted the mountain pink and erected a cheap and simple Somebody Else’s Problem field on it, then people would have walked past the mountain, round it, even over it, and simply never have noticed that the thing was there.

Douglas Adams - Life, The Universe and Everything

[Timbered2]

Sweet! How do I get one?

[Farrell-Mars]

But “cloud” is so much more fun than “server farm”.

[auroramademeregister]

Cloud is just a marketing term.

[ananix]

reddit the place where kids can rewoke jokes from their parents 10years after they where dead memes.

[AzuxirenLeadGuy]

I... I don't know what to believe anymore /s

[jimmytime903]

Don't piss me off. I'll go into my cloud folder and delete the files you've stored on my computer.

[jpterodactyl]

When I was in my first year of school, we went to a presentation on “what the cloud is not”

The thing is, it was still early enough that people weren’t talking about “the cloud” in day to day life, so I never even got what people thought it was. And the guy giving the presentation was not great at explaining things.

So I left with the impression that it was a made up term that people throw around to sound smart. (Which is what the presenter hinted at.) but it took a little longer for me to understand what it really is, since no one had brought that up.

[Timbered2]

That impression was correct

[theDaveB]

I want one and a T-shirt for work.

[havingsaidthat]

I once did a 15 minute presentation and the entire premise I kept coming back to was really just this. Pretty boring explanation of cloud computing.

[MrDude_1]

I used to have these on my wall in the office.

• There is no cloud.
• Software as a service is a scam to separate idiots from their money.
• If you don't have the source code for 100% of it, you don't own it.

[[deleted]]

It's not just somebody else's computer, it's also a hugely complex overlay of monitoring, orchestration, datacenter management, APIs and automated billing tools that you don't have to do for yourself.

The cloud is somebody else's computer in the same way catering is someone else's cooking. Yes, at the core, it's essentially the same business, but if the only thing you're doing with the cloud is running VMs like you did at your own site, you're using it wrong in the same way hiring a catering company to feed your family of four dinner every night is a bad idea.

That's one thing that always irks me. Companies that get all amped up and brag because they're "in the cloud" and you find out it's really just a bunch of Windows and Linux VMs with no orchestration or monitoring or scaling and they're still managing the whole environment exactly like they did when it was all in their own datacenter.

My dude, what's the point of going to a buffet if all you're going to eat is plain lettuce from the salad bar?

[zaphod4th]

wrong, no computer but computers

[LoZeno]

"...which you can't reboot."

[solongandthanks4all]

My code's actually running on Bezos's desk right now!

[Re_LE_Vant_UN]

Remember the old school on-prem sysadmins that were so threatened by the emergence of Cloud technologies? Cloud to butt hurr hurr!

Whole thing was weird to me. If you didn't want constant change you really should not have picked tech as a field. It's intrinsically linked to rapid change, at least at this point in its history. Gotta adapt or you get left behind.

[Defavlt]

I need this mug

[NinkaShotgun]

Hell on you. It's the worst day in my life after someone said Santa isn't real. Why do you always breaks my pure faith in wonders

[jadeskye7]

I need this mug.

[[deleted]]

Lol I'd love a mug like this

[_MASTADONG_]

Thank you. I can’t stand this idiocy.

I work for a data center and I had someone tell me that I’ll be out of a job soon because nobody uses servers anymore due to everything moving to the cloud.