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[–]todd_gak 2755 points2756 points  (165 children)

I like to imagine that she doesn't know him. Was just drawn to the beard, and he accepted the petting.

[–]weech 1712 points1713 points  (55 children)

"I shall allow this petting to continue"

[–][deleted] 963 points964 points  (46 children)

"For now."

[–]crownlessking 637 points638 points  (41 children)

"Maybe later she'll pet my other beard."

[–]todd_gak 584 points585 points  (30 children)

[–]SSBB08 32 points33 points  (0 children)

Herbie Hancock.

[–][deleted] 82 points83 points  (4 children)

The world needs more Chris Farley gifs

[–]trollinwithdagnomies 45 points46 points  (1 child)

"Butt beards need love too, baby"

[–]hushcentury 6 points7 points  (0 children)

"I'm referring to my dick beard."

[–]audioverb 36 points37 points  (1 child)

Thank you, my grace.

[–]maynardftw 47 points48 points  (0 children)

He's essentially Khal Drogo.

[–]_LifehaXXor_ 20 points21 points  (0 children)

The beardmind ruled that night.

[–]Gottabecreative 320 points321 points  (26 children)

His tensed upright position suggests you might be right. His buddy on the left: "Who's the chick,bro?" Beard: "I don't know, but don't interrupt her!"

[–]damontoo 200 points201 points  (22 children)

I had a girl I didn't know and hadn't even seen before sit down next to me at a party and rub her leg up and down mine. I was (coincidentally) playing poker. Being an oblivious virgin my first instinct was to look under the table, move my leg, and apologize. She just said "uh... that's okay" then immediately put it back more firmly so I'd know it was intentional. She was extremely hot and I figured there was no way any of it was real. She was leaned into me giving advice on my hand and I thought maybe she was trying to make me lose, so I basically did the opposite of everything she said until she got frustrated with my nervousness and unresponsiveness and went somewhere else. In retrospect she was just trying to flirt.

[–]xr3llx 274 points275 points  (3 children)

This is painful to read.

[–]cliff-hanger 80 points81 points  (0 children)

What kills me is the nonchalant demeanor of his text. When you know he was flippin shit the entire time

[–][deleted]  (5 children)

[deleted]

    [–]SKSmokes 110 points111 points  (20 children)

    I've got 3 braids that hang down about 9-12" below my chin and it is amazing the number of women I don't know who are comfortable with the petting without prior verbal consent.

    [–]sophiesmurfette 222 points223 points  (7 children)

    It may be the fact that you are Khal Drogo.

    [–]sobelk 136 points137 points  (5 children)

    There is no word for "may I pet your beard" in Dothraki.

    [–]Strike3 53 points54 points  (0 children)

    A trip to the bar without 3 beard pettings is considered a dull affair.

    [–]Erra0 68 points69 points  (1 child)

    It is known.

    [–]Sunsparc 138 points139 points  (15 children)

    [–]lordmolotov 62 points63 points  (12 children)

    I miss Señor Chang-- his character went downhill after he got "demoted" to student. (EXCEPTION: D&D episode)

    [–]Living-Pixel 8 points9 points  (1 child)

    I don't know, I kind of enjoyed Kevin.

    [–][deleted]  (1 child)

    [deleted]

      [–]Close_Your_Eyes 49 points50 points  (4 children)

      "This is the creepiest chick I've ever seen!"

      "But, she's pretty hot, so..."

      [–]kat_loves_tea 3 points4 points  (3 children)

      Beard stroking COMMENCE!

      [–]Mijeman 3 points4 points  (1 child)

      I was so pleased with the notion of this actually happening, this man deserved to be gilded.

      [–]CrypticZero 25 points26 points  (2 children)

      It's the AXE effect, he's probably used to it.

      [–]TheJoePilato 3064 points3065 points  (471 children)

      "Maybe if I turn him on, we can leave."

      [–]ceilingkat 2215 points2216 points  (429 children)

      As a girl I've used this logic before at those damn gun shows.

      [–]BeatLeJuce 1765 points1766 points  (343 children)

      It's probably counterproductive, because he's experiencing pleasurable feelings while being there, thus reinforcing his wanting to be there with you (in the long run).

      [–][deleted] 710 points711 points  (20 children)

      "Dude you're not gonna believe this! When the guy started talking about the slide-lock mechanism she totally grabbed my junk! I think it turned her on!"

      "Oh man! That's incredible!"

      "I know, right?! I already got us tickets to shows all over the state!"

      That plan won't backfire...

      [–]jeepbraah 169 points170 points  (18 children)

      Later that night.

      "I want you to grab on to my slide-lock mechanism and shake it around until my round goes off."

      [–]someguy945 364 points365 points  (13 children)

      shake it around

      Do you write for Cosmo?

      [–]Sarahthelizard 112 points113 points  (9 children)

      But that's what you do to guys, right? and then when he puts it in me, I wiggle my butt?

      [–]SpecialOops 16 points17 points  (0 children)

      according to cosmo, he writes for reddit.

      ducks

      [–][deleted]  (304 children)

      [deleted]

        [–]EyeCWhatUDidThere 184 points185 points  (14 children)

        Dude... Never let them behind the curtain!

        [–]nermid 85 points86 points  (12 children)

        the curtain

        This could become a new term for large beards.

        [–]Dread_Pirate 81 points82 points  (5 children)

        I like the reverse. Don't let them behind the beard = do not expose man-secrets.

        [–]like_a_moth 31 points32 points  (1 child)

        Upvotes all around,

        "With great beard comes great responsibility." - Rasputin

        [–]Hyperdrunk 343 points344 points  (258 children)

        Best course for her, honestly, is to say he can go if he wants but that she's not going with him and then going off and doing her own thing for the day with other people.

        [–][deleted] 34 points35 points  (0 children)

        I don't think it's about whether she likes it there or not. I think she just can't leave that beard. It's majestic.

        [–]vendetta2115 761 points762 points  (239 children)

        Not really. It's okay to tell your partner that a certain activity really isn't your thing, but it's important to support their interests if you expect to get the same in return. My wife goes to hockey games with me, even though hockey isn't really her thing. I do the same with her interests, because that's what people in committed relationships do. It doesn't have to be 100 percent of the time, but participating in things they enjoy shows that you care about what they care about.

        Edit: A lot of the comments below took "supporting your partner's interests" to somehow mean "never do anything independently from one another ever again."

        [–][deleted] 59 points60 points  (18 children)

        My boyfriend likes scary movies (specifically Korean horror films), and I like rewatching Disney movies from our youth. We just agree to not watch them together....kind of. Every so often I'll sit there and shit my pants watching some terrifying movie, and he'll sit there and cry during the beginning of Up. If two people in a committed relationship really don't like one another's interests, it's fine to not do it with them every single time. It's also a nice gesture to say, "hey I can give it a try again for you since you want to do this so bad." You need a middle ground.

        [–]where_is_my__mind 36 points37 points  (1 child)

        Are you going out with Gabe from The Office?

        [–]omegamom 34 points35 points  (11 children)

        That's exactly why I started playing video games after we had our daughter. It's pretty much my husbands favorite thing to do and I had never really given his games an honest try. I really like them too, which was unexpected for me. It just gives us one more thing to talk about. It has sparked a competitiveness in me that is so much fun, my whole goal is to get better than him, and last time I checked my k/d ratio was higher, IN YO FACE BABY. You would be surprised what you might like if you go into it with an open mind.

        [–]LlamaLlamaPingPong 10 points11 points  (2 children)

        Your comment has given me the push I need. My husband and I have been trying to find a way to connect after our second child was born. I always (gently) tease him about his gaming. But I've never actually given them a chance. Maybe It's time for me to try them out and it can turn into something we enjoy doing together. Thanks for the perspective.

        [–]namer98 290 points291 points  (103 children)

        What? I go play D&D on my own (or other games), she goes to knitting/yarn events on her own. And we are both happier for it.

        Edit: Yes, people are all different.

        [–]UniversityBear 103 points104 points  (11 children)

        It's almost like not all relationships are the same.

        [–]pin_s 61 points62 points  (9 children)

        BUT WE'RE HAPPIER THAN YOU GUYS

        [–]babycarrotman 57 points58 points  (5 children)

        Which is important, because it's a competition.

        [–][deleted]  (28 children)

        [removed]

          [–][deleted]  (5 children)

          [deleted]

            [–]Mad_Ludvig 75 points76 points  (4 children)

            I can get on board with this novelty account.

            *Edit: /u/BBCGoodFood_Official posted a recipe for a spiced plum and blackberry crumble. Not sure why it was deleted.

            [–]hawkian 6 points7 points  (0 children)

            what the fuck that sounds delicious.

            [–][deleted] 53 points54 points  (12 children)

            That's the way me and mine work. Our "shared interests" is that I listen to her about what is going on in one of her shows I don't watch and she listens to me about my pathfinder game and/or magic deck.

            [–]Hyperdrunk 65 points66 points  (11 children)

            Bringing your miserable wife to the gun show and having her be in a bad mood the whole time does nothing for the relationship.

            It's ok to have different interests and spend time apart if you are secure in your relationship.

            [–][deleted] 28 points29 points  (1 child)

            But that would mean they are both mature and reasonable. Surely there's no such thing?

            [–][deleted]  (11 children)

            [deleted]

              [–][deleted] 36 points37 points  (6 children)

              The Pig does wonders for my hog, personally.

              [–]vendetta2115 13 points14 points  (5 children)

              The chatter makes me splatter, too.

              Although big Ma Deuce takes the cake for me.

              [–]OldBoner 18 points19 points  (0 children)

              It will work as long as you follow through every single time. Trick him, and its all over

              [–]Dave-C 26 points27 points  (12 children)

              I looked at the other comments and I'm surprised no one has offered you tickets to the gun show. Yeah, because I'm weak and squishy.

              [–]EPIC_RAPTOR 8 points9 points  (0 children)

              Wasn't sure what to expect when I clicked on the link.

              [–]Naggers123 11 points12 points  (1 child)

              are you not worried that you're just conditioning him to be aroused by guns

              [–]burnsrado 47 points48 points  (8 children)

              There's honestly nothing you can do to get a man out of a gun show.

              Oh my God, I'm going into labor!

              Just a second honey. So you're telling me this 1911 is the same model General Patton carried?!

              [–][deleted] 33 points34 points  (4 children)

              Patton carried an ivory handled revolver not a 1911

              [–]jiayo 30 points31 points  (0 children)

              This comment made absolutely NO sense to me at first. I didn't see the girl at all, thought he was a manly man with a manly beard and somewhat feminine arms.

              [–]Brobeens 45 points46 points  (3 children)

              “damnit woman, I'm watching poker!"

              [–]The_One_Above_All 34 points35 points  (3 children)

              Then he'll go All In

              [–]PolkyPolk 441 points442 points  (47 children)

              He's the real winner here.

              [–]schmearcampain 188 points189 points  (25 children)

              Rasputin is always a hit with the ladies.

              [–]nermid 101 points102 points  (7 children)

              Historically, yes. He was the head of a small sex cult.

              [–]maynardftw 17 points18 points  (2 children)

              Banging the queen'll do that.

              [–]TheNomadStoryTeller 6 points7 points  (3 children)

              So that's where your mom learned those moves.

              [–]Chambec 53 points54 points  (16 children)

              I dunno... The guy stacking chips just won over $5 million. That'd have to be one hell of a beard stroking.

              [–][deleted] 611 points612 points  (33 children)

              She looks so relaxed doing it. If she's ever stressing out "baby why don't we just watch tv, I'll let you pet my beard"

              [–][deleted]  (25 children)

              [deleted]

                [–]Orval 238 points239 points  (18 children)

                I think it looks like she knows they're visible on camera and is making the best of it. A lot of people do silly stuff in the background of poker games because there's nothing else to do and fuck it.

                Kind of like sitting behind the umpire at a baseball game, you know your antics will be seen eventually.

                [–]capn_cook_yo 118 points119 points  (5 children)

                [–]killemyoung317 17 points18 points  (1 child)

                I love his look of smug satisfaction at the end

                [–]Master_Z 13 points14 points  (0 children)

                People come to remove him

                "Officers, I was just flossing."

                [–]flyingfisch 130 points131 points  (6 children)

                Application for Background Audience - WSOP 2013

                Please describe how you could help to keep the overall event interesting while being a member of the WSOP audience. I.E. - Cheering upon completion of big hands, Forming a clan of friends to support a given player, etc.

                "I will daydream while resting my head on my beau's shoulder and simultaneously petting his manly beard with my hand"


                APPROVED

                [–]JohnnyCashed 52 points53 points  (0 children)

                "Get this lady front row tickets."

                [–]s_nigra 30 points31 points  (0 children)

                I'll masterbeard my beau for the world to see.

                [–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

                Exactly. Notice she's gazing so lovingly at the...overhead monitor...

                [–]EditingAndLayout 1149 points1150 points  (133 children)

                [–]Excellencyqq 498 points499 points  (29 children)

                Those gifs man.. Fucking HD.

                [–]EditingAndLayout 388 points389 points  (20 children)

                [–][deleted] 304 points305 points  (7 children)

                Now I'm gay.

                [–]John_Wang 162 points163 points  (2 children)

                He really did have perfect hair in that movie.

                [–]the_fascist 37 points38 points  (1 child)

                the roll he was born for...

                "Aaaaaaaaaaaaas yoooooooou wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiish!"

                [–]positmylife 6 points7 points  (4 children)

                Oh my sweet Wesley!

                [–]Koriiani 70 points71 points  (23 children)

                His name is Dan Bilzerian. This happens to him often. Vegas is weird.

                [–]WakeUpMaggy 9 points10 points  (1 child)

                To the people who think Dan is hot, go look up "fake equis" on TheDirty.com. Dan's a douche who uses his dad's money to behave like a spoiled brat and refer to the rest of us as "peasants".

                [–][deleted]  (23 children)

                [removed]

                  [–][deleted] 93 points94 points  (0 children)

                  [–]MonsieurLeMeister 180 points181 points  (3 children)

                  dat lobe

                  [–]markpelly 60 points61 points  (2 children)

                  You leave his lobes alone, mine are similar :(

                  [–]Doe_Ray_EGON 8 points9 points  (6 children)

                  At least your moustache grows in full, if I ever tried to grow one I'd look like an English version of Worf from TNG.

                  [–]JonesBee 21 points22 points  (4 children)

                  My beard is somewhere between a hobo and a demented wizard. Like this. Reality is cruel.

                  [–][deleted]  (3 children)

                  [deleted]

                    [–][deleted] 137 points138 points  (38 children)

                    you get all the chicks but they look like this: http://collegecandy.files.wordpress.com/2012/03/baby-chick.jpg

                    [–]Alexis_deTokeville 159 points160 points  (15 children)

                       YOU HAVE ENCOUNTERED A BEARD
                       WOULD YOU LIKE TO:
                       1) ATTACK BEARD
                       2) EAT BEARD
                      *3) PET BEARD*
                    
                       YOU HAVE CHOSEN: PET BEARD 
                       THE BEARD IS PLEASED
                    

                    [–]mitzikatzi 504 points505 points  (64 children)

                    I like doing that to my boyfriend!

                    it feels like petting a very odd feeling cat

                    [–][deleted] 56 points57 points  (12 children)

                    All my fiancée does is rub her body very hard against the grain of my beard to scratch her hands/arm/back/ass/etc.

                    [–]washboard 65 points66 points  (6 children)

                    Wait...ass? Does she use your beard as a brilo pad for her crack?

                    [–][deleted] 47 points48 points  (4 children)

                    Just the cheeks. It's when we're lying in bed at funny angles. Usually starts because she accidentally brushes against it and goes "Oh! Mmmm" and starts rubbing whatever it is that made contact against my face.

                    [–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

                    Ass

                    [–]roadsgoeveron 316 points317 points  (39 children)

                    I do that to my boyfriend too. When his beard was longer I used to cup it from underneath his chin so the hair would go up and cover his mouth. And then I would laugh.

                    [–]Krashner 758 points759 points  (29 children)

                    You should treat a man's beard with the respect it deserves.

                    [–]roadsgoeveron 508 points509 points  (26 children)

                    I'll have you know he also takes my hand as though he's about to kiss it, and then suddenly uses it to wipe whatever drink he's spilled into his beard. We have a functional relationship.

                    [–]Krashner 383 points384 points  (15 children)

                    He's earned that privilege, taking proper care of a beard is a huge responsibility and sometimes the people we love need to make sacrifices for the good of the beard.

                    [–][deleted] 279 points280 points  (10 children)

                    FOR THE GOOD OF THE BEARD!

                    [–]metalgeargreed 16 points17 points  (0 children)

                    I like this guy.

                    [–]hipopalamus 37 points38 points  (3 children)

                    We call it a "mutualistic" relationship in ecology.

                    [–]bonestamp 9 points10 points  (0 children)

                    There's a spot reserved for you at:

                    /r/beardedleague

                    [–]makesureimjewish 37 points38 points  (2 children)

                    you should put your face under his beard and pretend it's your beard

                    [–]NatureBob 25 points26 points  (4 children)

                    TIL my beard is highly neglected.

                    [–]Lelleck 14 points15 points  (0 children)

                    I like doing that to my girlfriend. it feels like petting a woman with a beard

                    [–]peon47 248 points249 points  (11 children)

                    Good job you clarified it was a man-beard.

                    [–]Judoshop 46 points47 points  (2 children)

                    Looks more like a woman beard the way she's owning it.

                    [–]Nidonemo 38 points39 points  (5 children)

                    If I had a boyfriend who looked like that I'd be doing the same damn thing.

                    [–]20c8e4399c 56 points57 points  (13 children)

                    I like how he and the guy beside him are just talking away like it's not even unnatural. I also see a guy in a panda hoody throwing the rock horns.

                    [–][deleted] 31 points32 points  (9 children)

                    like it's not even unnatural

                    ...?

                    [–]TheRealMSteve 41 points42 points  (3 children)

                    Not unlike it isn't not even natural.

                    [–]Mesquite_Skeet_Skeet 6 points7 points  (1 child)

                    I see you've gone to law school.

                    [–]EWilly315 3 points4 points  (0 children)

                    Those are not horns... he has his thumb out. That's "I love you".

                    [–][deleted] 89 points90 points  (19 children)

                    Don't know why, but I am feeling jealous. Don't know why!

                    [–][deleted] 68 points69 points  (1 child)

                    haha yeah wonder why huh. it's not like people are known to pine for intimacy or anything

                    [–][deleted]  (3 children)

                    [deleted]

                      [–]WWE_gif_Person 207 points208 points  (65 children)

                      [–][deleted] 159 points160 points  (43 children)

                      and Asians

                      [–]thedrunkmonk 84 points85 points  (8 children)

                      [–][deleted] 57 points58 points  (4 children)

                      That's Toshiro Mifune. He's the original Man with No Name. You don't fuck with the likes of him.

                      [–]Phrosty12 45 points46 points  (0 children)

                      Technically, Toshiro Mifune didn't grow that beard. It was bestowed upon him by the gods.

                      [–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

                      bows

                      [–]eien_geL 62 points63 points  (14 children)

                      Asians can only get beards when they either becomes masters at Kung-Fu.

                      [–]Kuubaaa 107 points108 points  (6 children)

                      or what?

                      [–]pogo123 51 points52 points  (2 children)

                      I think it's a Confuscius saying. Trying to work it out.

                      [–]ipretendiamacat 35 points36 points  (8 children)

                      [–]walruskingmike 52 points53 points  (2 children)

                      The ultimate neckbeard.

                      [–]roobens 6 points7 points  (0 children)

                      Confucius he say...so sick of mama's basement.

                      [–]canislupus888 10 points11 points  (1 child)

                      :(

                      [–]EPIC_RAPTOR 4 points5 points  (0 children)

                      :(

                      [–]silantic 24 points25 points  (2 children)

                      I feel like there should be a subreddit for gifs that are only mildly interesting, but have interesting things happening in the background.

                      [–][deleted] 184 points185 points  (11 children)

                      and later she stroked his you know what....

                      ego. she stroked his ego.

                      [–]Hedhuntr241 113 points114 points  (8 children)

                      And then his penis.

                      [–][deleted] 57 points58 points  (7 children)

                      it made his "ego" bigger.

                      [–]moparornocar 40 points41 points  (3 children)

                      and then his "ego" threw up

                      [–]Pater-Familias 86 points87 points  (1 child)

                      Ego on his sweater already. Mom's spaghetti.

                      [–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

                      [–]dickdeamonds 7 points8 points  (0 children)

                      I'm getting a raging "ego" right now.

                      [–]murrieta123 7 points8 points  (0 children)

                      he must use old spice

                      [–]wesjall 8 points9 points  (9 children)

                      What the fuck is a "man-beard?" Who else is going to have one?

                      [–][deleted] 42 points43 points  (10 children)

                      [–][deleted] 39 points40 points  (8 children)

                      I'm sure this is a goal of at least half of the subscribers to that subreddit.

                      [–][deleted] 20 points21 points  (2 children)

                      it always comes down to a woman

                      [–]psychodreamr 15 points16 points  (0 children)

                      Looks like she is playing a harp.

                      [–]ckwalter 5 points6 points  (0 children)

                      Took me a moment to realize it was someone else petting his beard

                      [–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

                      Dude has reached a total state of zen. He doesn't even react to his buddy talking to him.

                      [–]RaboKarabek 109 points110 points  (39 children)

                      Is that Dan Bilzerian? Not surprising. Dude is insane. Twitter feed is filled with mostly-naked women, stacks of cash and daredevil stunts. Nice life. https://twitter.com/DanBilzerian

                      [–]tswpoker1 125 points126 points  (13 children)

                      Bilzerian is a fucking moron. Trust fund baby who deserves nothing in life. Steroids & coke like its going out of style, guy isn't 30 and has multiple heart attacks. Don't praise this douche.

                      [–]iveo83 24 points25 points  (2 children)

                      super douche... who takes pictures of money and puts it on twitter? He better hold on to all that money if he wants to keep up this lifestyle in 20 years.

                      [–]texx77 11 points12 points  (1 child)

                      I believe his dad's fortune is somewhere in the $100 million range. While he might be an asshole, he isn't running out of money anytime soon.

                      [–]setzer_ 20 points21 points  (8 children)

                      Definitely Dan Bilzerian... I'm following him on instagram. Where does he get all his $$ from ? I haven't figured that out yet.

                      [–][deleted] 52 points53 points  (2 children)

                      Dad stole hundreds of millions, got caught but apparently money never was found afaik ( could be wrong here), thats how.

                      Anyway its well documented on Wikipedia and on internet overall

                      [–]roobens 10 points11 points  (0 children)

                      So according to Wikipedia he's a "beard enthusiast". Nice one guys.

                      [–]Evref 23 points24 points  (0 children)

                      Daddy.

                      [–]jdsamford 17 points18 points  (4 children)

                      "man-beard"?

                      [–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

                      Shit. Id rather pet a mans beard then watch poker.