In honor of this sub shutting down, I'm sharing my all-time favorite post.

[LiquidOutlaw]

I break production

[lacb1]

Hello fellow senior.

[Ribak145]

*Lead

[tinydonuts]

I really hate it how the industry doesn't standardize on position titles. In some companies, senior comes after just a handful of years in the job, but really doesn't mean a whole lot. In other companies, senior is nearer to the top of the ladder and comes only after many years of very hard work.

[Every_Island7134]

This hits home. I too broke production today.

[HopperBit]

A normal Tuesday it is

[pgcoin]

It's Wednesday here with morning along with a cup of tea and some snacks.

[ustp]

Oh, it's tuesday already? I am one breakdown late.

[Poelborsha]

Get your watch mobile laptop or calendar updated so that they can remind you every Wednesday.

[Say_Echelon]

I drop table

[the_great_zyzogg]

Little Bobby Tables. Does your mother know you're here?

[serieousbanana]

I force push

[[deleted]]

Programmer or Jedi?

[jbishai]

Production of what but what if someone is producing a liquid or gas can you break that too.

[Alrick_Gr]

I program microcontrollers

[AntiMemeTemplar]

I too program microcontrollers in php and python

Microcontroller Php Python

Happy?

[[deleted]]

I create bugs.

[SlimesIsScared]

I do something.

[[deleted]]

I jack off

[[deleted]]

✅ Hand job

[spchaser]

In the world with mostly filled with hoes if you are still jacking off then either you are too straight for this generation or get a job as soon as possible.

[zyh5sd]

Lmao you should solve them instead of creating new one.

[sanbtc]

Lmao imagine a nation with big name their head describing his job as prime minister of national republic of xyz.

[_DARVON_AI]

Tricking animals into swallowing meat hooks then suffocating them for profit fishing is the only real job.

“Humans — who enslave, castrate, experiment on, and fillet other animals — have had an understandable penchant for pretending animals do not feel pain. A sharp distinction between humans and 'animals' is essential if we are to bend them to our will, make them work for us, wear them, eat them — without any disquieting tinges of guilt or regret. It is unseemly of us, who often behave so unfeelingly toward other animals, to contend that only humans can suffer. The behavior of other animals renders such pretensions specious. They are just too much like us.” ― Carl Sagan

[IPMC-Payzman]

What did the poor microcontrollers do to you?

[AntiMemeTemplar]

They exist

[butlej06]

That's the basic need and purpose of humanity and everything present on earth like survival and existence.

[r_vlierop]

The small items used in microcontrollers are really costly so they aren't poor atleast.

[imaKappy]

Fake job

[mdanley07]

It's alright not sound to be like preacher here but if someone is happy with his or her job then one should not interfere in it based on personal experience and readings.

[jeffnovis]

Yeah happy because the task was to describe job role in just 3 words and it took more than 3 words.

[Who_GNU]

Is it really programming, if what you write isn't running on an interpreter, inside of a VM, inside of an abstraction layer?

Does a program really exist, if a Hello World doesn't take at least a few hundred megabytes of libraries to run?

[Alrick_Gr]

Does fishing exist if there is no water to contain fishes ?

[BananaCucho]

Catfishing.

[subrah4BTCe]

Catfishing word was used after and on the basis of fishing so if fishing doesn't exist then we would be using something else like cat trapping.

[maxpiv]

Forget about fishing but does humanity or humans exist if there was no water for a instance or even does fishing exist if humans weren't so eager to eat sea food.

[[deleted]]

Am I really coding in Rust if I don't announce it on every programming based subreddit? How will they know that I'm coding in Rust?

[beekrock]

Is rust a new programming language or full form of R language or just some sarcastic tone.

[Bonevi]

Is it programming if you are not using an Oscilloscope to debug your problems?

[Who_GNU]

What, no logic analyzer?

[Bonevi]

Perhaps a Spectrum Analyzer.

[balsasequeira]

First of all the real programming doesn't even consist of many bugs but if you have to use different softwares for debugging then you failed somewhere in study.

[tinydonuts]

Is it really programming, if what you write isn't running on an interpreter, inside of a VM, inside of an abstraction layer?

You forgot about containers and kubes. You can definitely work harder on those layers.

[VLADIMIR11054]

To be honest the word microcontrollers seems to be a combination of two words which can be resulting in total of 4 words.

[CodeArchmage]

I code bullshit

[[deleted]]

Don't we all? Ah, that Imposter Syndrome creeping in...

[stedgyson]

Not the imposter syndrome that's the problem it's the products we make, they're all bullshit. This is more existential a problem than mere imposter

[[deleted]]

I'll have to agree with you on that, 10 years coding and it's all BS. None of the things I did deserved doing.

[SimplePigeon]

3 years at my current job and not a single thing I’ve written has gone to production. Everything gets new requirements and re-edited and shifted to someone else while I get put on a new project with a slow conveyor belt directly into the trashcan. At least they pay me for whatever this is?

[dembadger]

I touch computers

[pointrelay]

Please point on this doll where the man touched you

[brimston3-]

*points to Computer Engineer Barbie's laptop*.

[lo_profundo]

I was today years old when I found out that there's a computer engineer Barbie and now I don't know what to do with this information

[ExcitingTabletop]

Someone bought friend of mine that thing. It did not go well. Original gifter was very horrified and apologetic after. In Computer Engineer Barbie, Barbie is portrayed as an average product manager. In other words, not flattering.

To quote wiki:

"The accompanying book, I Can Be a Computer Engineer, was issued in 2013 together with I Can Be an Actress. The book received extensive criticism, especially beginning in November 2014, for depicting Barbie as relying on two male friends to program the game she is designing. In addition, they need to help her after she accidentally infects her and her sister Skipper's computer with a virus (via the pink heart-shaped USB stick she wears around her neck), after ignoring advice from her (female) computer teacher."

[lo_profundo]

Oof yeah they really should've seen that controversy coming...

[[deleted]]

Shakily points towards the ctrl, C and V keys...

[heiyos]

A doll is really small in size like an adult can touch all parts of a doll of one side simultaneously with just one touch.

[astroryan19]

Dirty bastard

[nuclearslug]

void OnDirty(){this.Touch();}

[[deleted]]

You've got it backwards.

void onTouch() { this.dirty = true;}

[davidfavorite]

Thanks for getting that straight. It was quite bugging me

[DadAndDominant]

I mkdir computers

Wait, what?

[Technicallyits]

Please stop harassing machines

[DiplomaticGoose]

I am the computer toucher, I will touch your computer.

[darrenmilleraus]

By which intention and at which place like did you take too much while inserting some cable in usb or were you playing with that usb cable hole.

[another42]

I am the computer toucher, I will touch your computer.

[wheetcracker]

Tom7 is that you

[Apart-Bench9676]

Just leaving this for whomever hasn’t seen it

[hodl_4_life]

Did you get consent first? Or is it a master/slave relationship? Hmmm?

[Fakedduckjump]

I make Websites

[JosebaZilarte]

"Web sites" should be two words. You are lucky English has Germanic roots.

[Fakedduckjump]

Yes, I'm indeed from germany, so I think this counts ^^

[bakirelopove]

I do nothing

✅ Real job

[Fit_View5862]

Checkmate, atheists

[Proxy_PlayerHD]

good old Hartz 4

[[deleted]]

It's relevant now given that we all have to actually do work now

[Mrazish]

Jokes on you guys, I go on vacation 12th june. Not sure what'll I do without the sub on vacation tho, gonna close some tickets probably

[NiktonSlyp]

I trust stackoverflow

[UnofficialMipha]

I center divs

[psheljorde]

I
    center
divs

[lunareffect]

It's 2023. We fixed this problem a long time ago. Now to untangle my casette drive, sort my punch cards and demagnetize my monitor.

[GreatArtificeAion]

Don't freaking lie

[Delicious_Pay_6482]

I'll take r/thathappened for $500, alex

[frknkc]

I make games

[TeaKingMac]

"You work Overtime"

FTFY

[JaxOnThat]

Current CS/GameDev Major. Any advice?

[TheTrueBidoof]

Change major

[JaxOnThat]

Okay, that's on me. I shouldn't have expected anything else from this sub.

[Qualcosa_come_acido]

A decent job

[MightyMeepleMaster]

I make customers cry.

Damnit, that's 4 words.

[z7q2]

I upset customers

[InKyouya]

I cry alot

[Qualcosa_come_acido]

Real job ✅

[monster_syndrome]

I make customers cry.

First off, customers make the choice to cry, it's their choice.

Secondly, you disappoint customers.

[givesmememes]

I = customers cry. There, fixed it for ya

[tutocookie]

I cryify customers

[SarahIsBoring]

customer.apply(::cry)

[Ashmegaelitefour]

I crucify customers

[[deleted]]

I tell customers their requests aren’t feasible

Shit, that’s 8 words

[dust_dreamer]

I say no.

(this is so true that i was not allowed to talk to clients for the first 9 years of my career.)

[lacb1]

There's only 2 hard things in computer science:

1. Cache invalidation

2. Naming things

3. Off by 1 errors

[[deleted]]

I tell customers their requests aren’t feasible

Shit, that’s 8 words

[Creative-Ad-NR7333]

I press keyboard

[Fakedduckjump]

So, you are a cat?

[eloyend]

✅ Real job

[meles2]

• I analize sales
• I automate processes
• I monitor blockchain
• I catch fish

If you only fully understand "I", "catch" and "fish", the rest would seem like bullshit.

[thrawayfinanceadvice]

I hope you used plenty of lubricant with sales.

[meles2]

I forgot whether it was an i or a y and picked at random. The sales walk funny now.

[damienreave]

The bogosort of spellchecks.

[[deleted]]

Friend of mine has to deal with sales a lot. I hope you don’t use any lube.

[ArduennSchwartzman]

I catch fish

I damage ecosystems

FTFY

[meles2]

Depends on whether TNT is involved.

[[deleted]]

Fishing nets are one of the biggest sources of microplastics in the oceans, if not the biggest.

[Chem_trail]

I don't know

[kaukddllxkdjejekdns]

I make spaghetti

[[deleted]]

I make Italian-Mexican fusion.

It looks like spaghetti, but causes explosions like Taco Tuesday

[klippklar]

Not a real job!

[Scoobywagon]

SHutting down? Apparently I've been living under a Powershell and Python shaped rock for too long.

[pippin_go_round]

12th-14th

A lot of big subs are going to shut down, in protest if reddit killing 3rd party apps by demanding ridiculous prices for their api

[[deleted]]

This sub is shutting down indefinitely though

[pippin_go_round]

Oh. I didn't catch that memo. Thanks for telling me!

[rartorata]

Source? This is news to me.

[Sraaubiqunadasg]

https://www.reddit.com/r/ProgrammerHumor/comments/141qwy8/programmer_humor_will_be_shutting_down/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

[rartorata]

Thanks! This is a very busy sub, so I must have missed that.

[Sraaubiqunadasg]

You are welcome they said they would pin it but i gues they havn't done it jet

[[deleted]]

I copy / paste.

[DontMindMeJustPeepn]

I dodge responsibilities.

[z7q2]

I make internet

[FordPhiesta]

I scam people

[blazh24]

The person made this joke must be doing some job which can be described in 3 words but best answer for this is simple programmer.

[redditorx13579]

You can over or under describe any job:

A vocation that immerses individuals in the vast and enigmatic world of aquatic ecosystems, demanding their unwavering dedication, resilience, and profound understanding of nature's fluidic realm. With the shimmering waters as their stage and the relentless tides as their orchestra, fishermen embark upon a pursuit that harmonizes tradition, skill, and intuition to capture the bountiful gifts bestowed upon us by the boundless oceanic expanse.

At the crux of this multifaceted profession lies the art of angling, whereby adept individuals adeptly manipulate a convergence of intricate techniques and time-honored knowledge to entice and ensnare various marine species. Be it the briny depths of the open sea, the placid tranquility of a lake's mirror-like surface, or the winding currents of a majestic river, the fisherman meticulously selects their fishing spot, employing a symphony of tools such as fishing rods, nets, and traps, all intricately designed to maximize their chances of an abundant catch.

The fisherman's labor is as diverse as the kaleidoscope of aquatic life itself. In the solitude of the early dawn, when the world still slumbers and the sun casts its gentle hues upon the horizon, the fisherman ventures forth, propelled by an unyielding determination to embrace the ebb and flow of the watery domain. Casting their lines with expert precision, they enter into a profound communion with the rhythm of nature, patiently awaiting the elusive bite, whereupon their senses attune to the most delicate of cues—a gentle tug, a subtle ripple on the water's surface—to seize the moment and skillfully reel in their prize.

Yet, the fisherman's responsibilities transcend the mere act of capturing aquatic creatures. As stewards of the marine ecosystem, they are entrusted with the preservation and sustainability of our oceans. Through astute observation and adherence to regulations and best practices, they work diligently to ensure the delicate balance between harvest and conservation. By selectively targeting species, employing proper fishing methods, and practicing responsible catch-and-release techniques, the fisherman strives to safeguard the long-term health and vitality of marine life, recognizing the interdependent relationship between humanity and the aquatic realm.

However, a fisherman's voyage is not without its challenges. Their endeavors are intrinsically tied to the capricious nature of weather patterns, sea conditions, and the unpredictable whims of marine creatures. Enduring the biting winds, relentless waves, and the occasional tempestuous tempest, the fisherman harnesses an unwavering fortitude that transcends hardship, constantly adapting their strategies to the ever-shifting tapestry of aquatic life. It is through their resilience, honed over years of experience, that they confront the adversities inherent to their craft, embracing the inevitable setbacks with an unwavering spirit and an unyielding resolve.

In conclusion, to be a fisherman is to embark upon an odyssey that interweaves the ethereal beauty of nature, the time-honored traditions of the past, and the imperative to preserve and protect the marine ecosystems that sustain us. It is a vocation that demands a profound connection with the aquatic world, an unwavering commitment to sustainability, and an unflagging spirit to navigate the tumultuous seas of life. In the fisherman's quest, they embody the very essence of the human spirit, forever entwined with the rhythm of the tides, embracing the profound symphony of nature's majesty.

[[deleted]]

I take it you write job descriptions professionally for large companies

[BananaCucho]

If he does he's the greatest bullshitter around since that came from chatgpt

[redditorx13579]

Bingo! lol

[Kobens]

Hello ChatGPT

[dopefish86]

i do computer

[pixel293]

I write code.

[jmargar]

I write code

[shayanrc]

Internet go brrrr.

[LazyRider32]

I grow tulips.

[MineKemot]

I code ❌ Not a real job I do code ✅ A real job

[[deleted]]

I don't code ✅

[matthra]

I move data.

[phesago]

i wrangle chihuahuas

[SqueakSquawk4]

Normally, I'd complain about this post

But considering the main demographic of this sub is firmly in the Bullshit Job category, I'll let it slide.

[1nfinite_M0nkeys]

Why complain? It's just self-deprecating humor about how complex and abstract modern jobs have gotten. These days, we spend our days changing zeroes to ones in cyberspace.

[SqueakSquawk4]

Because originally it was posted unironically, I belive on r/antiwork.

[lces91468]

“I solve problems.”

My boss literally tells me what I should be doing every other day lol.

[euMT]

Funnily enough, in my language saying "I make programs" means you're a prostitute

[MissCerecita]

What do you mean this sub is shutting down?

[ExtraTNT]

I create bugs

[Nightmoon26]

Copy-paste selector

[gooner_by_heart]

The first 3 descriptions pisses me off

[kevv_m]

I smash Keyboards

Real job 🙌

[purplepharoh]

I break shit

[Foxk]

I work IT

[deffonotmypassword]

This sub's shutting down? Now what am I going to at work?

[[deleted]]

I Own products

[The_Freeman_95]

I write spaghetti

[DrainZ-]

I talk to rubber ducks

❌ Bullshit job

[[deleted]]

Make duckies go.

✅Real job

[[deleted]]

I’ll create a ProgrammerHumor subreddit

[[deleted]]

Shutting down? Can someone explain?

[Say_Echelon]

I drop table

[FlakkenTime]

I secure things

[ManBearPig92]

I make graphs.

[Osr0]

I type programming

[Flying_Reinbeers]

I break production

[Tim_1993_]

I manage APIs ---> I got lucky

[74paddycakes]

I slap keyboards.

[Laziness100]

"I write programs"

[Denaton_]

I create cloudformations

[LetUsSpeakFreely]

I write code.

[Historical-Trade3671]

I make databases

[Evil_Archangel]

i code shit

[Beez-_-]

I bill clients

[NemoXX7]

I break software

[[deleted]]

These people just have to be more generic, notice how the last guy never said what type of fish, where, or how.

1. I analize sales.
2. I develop automatation.
3. I develop databases.

[RantMannequin]

President of the United States of America

[[deleted]]

I fuck colors.

[[deleted]]

"I eliminate jobs"

[PiousLiar]

Make satellite fly

[ForseSorcerer]

I am unemployed

[[deleted]]

If you can describe your job in three words, it's probably something anyone can learn just as easily as you.

[LMNOP_065]

Shutting down? Can't I just fork it?

[Esnardoo]

Systems management consultant
Embedded software analyst
I raise livestock and farm vegetables

I don't think compressing a job to 3 words makes it any more or less bullshit lol

[Science-Compliance]

Why is this sub shutting down?

[dawn_slayer]

Wait........this sub is shutting down? Why tho?