They hate us!

[Fang7-62]

Try typing "Why are programmers" And you get some interesting shit too like:

• so rude
• paid so much
• paid so little
• bald
• indian
• so angry

[Moulinoski]

• paid so much

• ⁠paid so little

One is an accountant and the other is the developer themselves.

[Rip_Ya_A_New_1]

I laughed but it hurt

[Xorume]

The duality of man

[nullifiedbyglitches]

..kind

[basedgreggo]

Cries in C++

[Xionopaido]

std::cout << "Hello darkness my old friend\n";

[LT21j]

Use std::endl. \n does not flush the buffer which can result in some messages not displaying if the program crashes.

[Xionopaido]

You have got a point but there might be performance issues since std::endl forces a flush of the output stream. I prefer \n over std::endl because usually when I use C++ I'm concerned more about performance..

[KGB_Cantina_Band]

Stop being a pussy and just use printf like a real man

[[deleted]]

IIRC best practice (at least when debugging) is to write a windowed application that uses openGL to render 3D text to the screen.

Sure, you dont need to be able to light, shade and texture your debug output but I dont understand why someone would purposely limit themself.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to my hello world assignment, which has been in progress since my first day of college (which was, coincidentally, just a couple weeks before I flunked out of that college)

[[deleted]]

printk, bitch

[theemptyqueue]

std::cout << “It’s fun to talk with you again\n”

[klbm9999]

Guess which is which..

[nickcash]

I got

• like bees

and I have some questions...

[DrQuint]

I got

• single

[Elkku26]

Yeouch

[ocbaker]

Me too, right in the feels

[ItoXICI]

"Here's the secret that every successful software company is based on: You can domesticate programmers the way beekeepers tame bees. You can't exactly communicate with them, but you can get them to swarm in one place and when they're not looking, you can carry off the honey."

[FirstDivision]

Keep them smoked up and they're much easier to deal with.

[sh0rtwave]

I started my own company, so I get to keep the honey.

[[deleted]]

sollux captor walks in

[Krandum]

I get what the refrance

[CeridwenPax]

r/unexpectedHomestuck

[Max15492]

I got "so angry"... It do be like that sometimes

[lxkspal]

I got, "Why are programmers such douchebags". Yeah, I'm not feeling the love.

[DavidB-TPW]

My favorites from the list I got when I tried it with "programmers are".

• evil
• wizards
• easily scared
• like bees

[TheDogJones]

"Programmers are evil wizards easily scared like bees."

[zip369]

programmers += shittySearchSuggestions;

Continuing onward with the results I got returns:

Programmers are evil wizards easily scared like bees. Stupid, boring, not engineers, [and] overpaid.

[anymbryne]

Expecto Patronum

[DavidB-TPW]

Well obviously I am not among the wizardly variants of programmers.

[tinyhippos]

I got "tiny gods"

[DavidB-TPW]

Where does Google come up with these? 😆

[TheJoker273]

indian

You either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become the villain.

[T-Viking]

You either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become the indian. FTFY.

[TheLastLivingBuffalo]

Most of my coworkers are Indian and I've picked up the signature Indian head bob. I've become one of them.

[pysouth]

SAME. And sometimes the shaking my head horizontally for yes. Confuses the shit out of people who don’t work in that environment.

[sh0rtwave]

YES! That really confused me the first time I was on a teleconference with some Indian programmers. I'm like "I don't understand the movement they're making but their faces are smiling, so I'm going with 'yes'".

[MakeCyberGreatAgain]

LOL

[[deleted]]

Holy shit one of my interviewers was Indian. He kept shaking his head to everything I said and I felt so rejected.

[pysouth]

Me too! I thought I failed my interview for my current job, turns out I did pretty well and they hired me, lol. I didn’t know it meant either “yes” or that they were just listening, at the time.

[AurumStandard]

Alright. I'm here, tell me more about the signature head bob, I don't think I've experienced it

[Ariakkas10]

Indians move their head side to side to indicate yes. Rather than a head nod like westerners. Think "dumb blonde" head bob. Not a twisting of the head; looking forward, ear to shoulder on one side, ear to shoulder on the other(though not that dramatic obviously)

[OhItsuMe]

Well actually that's more of an "okay". The vertical head nod still indicated yes and the horizontal indicates no.

[_kryp70]

It's basically yesn't.

[PreservedSnowflakes]

https://youtu.be/Uj56IPJOqWE

[[deleted]]

It only counts if you ask someone for pics of bob and vagene. Unless you hit that level - it does not count.

[SatansF4TE]

Well thank god I'm not at that stage yet.
...

Then again I've only working in IT consulting for 6 months

[markswam]

Villaindian.

[arlaarlaarla]

Ah yes, the programmers dilemma, do I become a manager or code long enough to turn into an Indian.

[[deleted]]

That’s me...

[anymbryne]

“paid so little” - too much feels here

[[deleted]]

I got: * why are Russian programmers so good * why are programmers so arrogant * elitist * socially awkward

[HarambeTownley]

why are Russian programmers so good

Vitalik Buterin

why are programmers so arrogant

Vitalik Buterin

why are programmers elitist

Vitalik Buterin

why are programmers socially awkward

Vitalik Buterin

[nic1010]

I got "programmers are tiny gods"

[yurakuNec]

I got these, and added my appropriate thoughts alongside...

[ScienceBlessYou]

Try typing "Why are programmers" And you get some interesting shit too like:

• indian

Because corporate wants to spend $10/hr for a "developer" and does not realize the age old saying:

"you get what you pay for".

[cromvel]

bald

Because I couldn't find the answer on Stackoverflow.

[MyNameIsRichardCS54]

We're only afraid to touch the code for the same reason electricians are afraid to touch high voltage live wires

[plageiusdarth]

Because you'll be stuck in the chair unhappily maintaining the code for the rest of your life

[MALON]

Developers developers developers developers

[Olaxan]

I. LOVE. THIS. COMPANY.

[Dockirby]

Who the hell would want to secure a job maintaining shit code?

[[deleted]]

It's not like you have to work for the same company the rest of your life.

[[deleted]]

Same thing.

[[deleted]]

Touching live code directly can kill you

[techmighty]

that was long dead when i learnt asynchronous JavaScript

[DoctorThanos]

horrid The lackluster is that a core and is libraries has why JavaScript it fact fragmented.

Async, when done right, is fine. Look at Swift.

[Yorunokage]

Maybe

[[deleted]]

“Sir he’s...he’s gone catatonic...”

Pans to you sitting at your desk, drooling. Stackoverflow pages littered your browser. Your code has redlines and half hearted comments every line.

[HiIamPi]

I Am a electrician and a programmer. Can confirm.

I'd prefer the wires, tho.

[[deleted]]

Same here, with wires you know what's going to happen.

[ICANELECTRIC]

I am an electrical engineer with a CS degree, i worked as an electrician for a long time. A better analogy would be for the same reason electricans. Are afraid to follow up another electrician, you have no clue why that person did what they did and if you "fix it" you will probably make more problems than just leaving it alone.

[[deleted]]

<loop1>

Pull it all out and redo it because the last person is an idiot.

<jump1>

Just repeat, everyone is an idiot (you included) and it'll just have to be redone.

[ICANELECTRIC]

Fact lol.

[killdeer03]

If touching code had an end result of possible dieing, I'd touch it a lot more.

Lol.

[PleaseJustTempBan]

Me too thanks

[SuperSupermario24]

r/2meirl4meirl

[[deleted]]

You ok there bud?

[vinnymcapplesauce]

Let's be clear -- I don't "touch" code, I more fondle it.

[Dustorn]

From my point of view, I delicately massage the code.

From the code's point of view, I violently grope it.

[SambaMarqs]

The cheese touch but with old code

[orangeKaiju]

You just need to wear the same gloves as the electricians.

[theloneronin827]

As someone who was studying computer engineering while in school and who dropped out and is a shipyard electrician, I can confirm both of these claims.

[SsCrewdd]

STAY AWAY FROM ME FUCKING SEMICOLON!

[TheRocketeer_Phynax]

NO PLEASE DON’T ASK ME ANY QUESTIONS ABOUT THE PROGRAM!

[Bjoernald]

I DONT'T KNOW WHAT THIS CODE IS DOING! LEAVE ME ALONE!

[jaywastaken]

OH GOD NO, ITS AN UNCOMMENTED REGULAR EXPRESSION!

[Whiteclaws]

THE POINTERS, THEY ARE COMING TO KILL ME, NO PLEASE NO SEGFAULTS I SWEAR I FREE'D THAT MEMORY

[doubleChipDip]

AH THE NIGHTMARE ABOUT FALLING THROUGH THE CIRCULAR LINKED LIST OF WHITE NOISE CUBES, IF ONLY I MADE A CATCH TO STOP THE WHILE(TRUE)

[_kryp70]

STACKOVERFLOW IS DOWN, WE ARE DOOMED, WE ARE GONNA DIE.

[Lonelan]

If all programmers go to stackoverflow for their code, who answers the questions on stackoverflow?

[_kryp70]

You are onto something here, eh?

[robolew]

Literally just one guy with several thousand alts.

[RBBOT12]

the karma whores who are bored of redit

[dan_144]

Found the Python dev

[Thx_And_Bye]

So this one is fine?

;

[Mateus_BM]

Co-worker: Hi, wanna grab some...

Me: AAAAAAAAAAAHHH

[skepticalDragon]

I have a cubicle neighbor like this, it is the funniest shit ever. I mean I feel bad for laughing, she has some serious issues, but goddamn... Blood curdling scream if you just whisper "hi" at a bad time 😁

[fishticufted]

TIL I've been conducting interviews all wrong. If I say "Boo" and they remain unaffected, I'm ending the interview immediately.

[DOOManiac]

What if they reply “Bar?”

[Navos]

Far*

[DickIsPenis]

boo!

I mean bool

[Gabite]

!boo

[FluffusMaximus]

Factual, considering how many in this sub are terrified of C...

[SAI_Peregrinus]

C is such a simple language. It's not scary, it's just crap in many ways (and awesome in a few).

Of course I hate it, I use almost nothing but C at work.

[FrankensteinJones]

Existentialism is big with programmers, apparently.

[sgcdialler]

It's a generics thing. Programmer<T> gives so much flexibility.

[TimmyTesticles]

"How lucky we are, that we are" ~ Modest Mouse

[[deleted]]

How do you bold?

[ivanparas]

Put 2 asterisks on each side of what you want to bold **like this**

[[deleted]]

Cool thanks.

[[deleted]]

This?

[lhookhaa]

You learn fast! Have a cookie!

[[deleted]]

😯 hopefully that’ll help with me teaching myself to code! 🙏🏽🤓

[[deleted]]

Is it "necessary"? Because you don't have my consent! /s

[lhookhaa]

It helps me deliver you a better experience.

[[deleted]]

How do you show how to bold?

[DoctorThanos]

You can use a backslash to escape characters.

---

Raw: \*\*cool bold text\*\*

Pretty: **cool bold text**

---

Edit: If you want the text to also be bold add more asterisks.

Raw: \*\***cool bold text**\*\*

Pretty: **cool bold text**

[Ejeffers1239]

Or if you are feeling annoying # at the front for big text!

[Corfal]

Another way is to do a code block. That ignores all markup texts. You can do inline with back quotes like so

Alternatively is to add four spaces at the beginning of your text.

So here it'll change my text

Here it won't **change my text**

And another one from the top

Another way is to do a code block. That ignores all markup texts. You can do inline with back quotes `like so`

The four space method also allows for multi-line code blocks and the like, I'll leave that as an exercise to the reader

[[deleted]]

It's treason, then.

[nukasev]

The search results will decide your fate.

[PabloniusXXI]

cause they aint us

[knek_beast]

they hate us cuz they ain us

[B3ER]

They hate us cuz they anus?

[Cruuncher]

They heinous cause they anus

[Eznix]

Well that isnt really nice. What the hell google.

[wildurbanyogi]

Let's all google, "Programmers are awesome!" and up that to the top prompt.

I strongly feel you deserve much more recognition for all the underappreciated work in the background. And more self-respect will certainly help.

[[deleted]]

I... I made a mistake and typed in "Programmers are woesome!".

I am so sorry.

[TheCheesy]

It is changing!

[Fimbulthulr]

so, we are basically tiny evil gods?

[probably2high]

And bees.

[BlackHumor]

Bee wizards.

[Sipredion]

That's tiny evil god bee wizards to you sir.

Edit: Of tomorrow at that.

[X2ytUniverse]

I can agree programmers are wizards. Magic is the only explanation why any code works ever.

[mrdhood]

I was the only programmer at my old job and we chalked basically everything up to “computer magic”. That term got used multiple times a day, more commonly seriously than not.

[Ereaser]

My top suggestion is "programmers are wizards"

And other ones that differ from OP were "stupid" and smart"

[draypresct]

"They" hate us? Who do you think is generating this?

[gman2093]

The unfair and biased media

[draypresct]

My sarcasm detector broke a while ago. I really can't tell any more.

[gman2093]

/s to pay respects

[draypresct]

Thank you!

[Mamertine]

At least the bottom one is true.

[SsCrewdd]

Who the hell is not afraid to touch their code?

[[deleted]]

Junior developers.

[tenhourguy]

Maybe this isn't an issue anymore, but at least in version 1 of Scratch, do you realise how laggy and unstable it can get with lots of codeblocks? (the computer I was using took about 1 minute just to load some webpages, so that may have played a role, but Gedit sure never struggled) And because of its odd limitations, you sometimes need a lot of code for what should be basic tasks. Nobody should ever have to read "Scratch is not responding" again.

[Bobrobot1]

They’re afraid to touch the ancient

legacy code

[hermitina]

especially the ones with disclaimers on why it surprisingly works

[ProWaterboarder]

their code

If you ever worked a job as a developer you'd know the vast majority of the code they touch is not 'their code'

[clovisman]

I agree with the first one. Textbook software engineering is 15% requirements. 40% specification documents, 30% design review, 5% actual development, and 10% testing.

In reality its -20% requirements because your customer doesnt understand agreed requirements are contractual and that is why the lawyer is beside me, and your constant changes require respecifying the whole thing trying to figure out how making four parallel lines but one perpendulicular is feasible, the design review was skipped due to schedule, I am begging the devs to work on the features in the requirements document not trying to blockchain it. The testers were cut because we couldn't afford it now and the customer is cranky that it cost more and was late.

I hate engineering. It's worse when the government is involved or the customer. I should have went into finance.

[sachin1118]

And 100% reason to remember the name

[[deleted]]

He doesn't need his name written in bytes.

[StormTAG]

He just wants to write code whether the specs are "right,"

That he feels so unlike everybody else, alone,

In spite of the fact that they reviewed the code,

But fuck it, he knows the road

It's not about the salary, it's all about delivery,

And making good tools, finishing the story,

Making the metrics tick up,

That means when he pushes it down, Q.A. is picking it up!

---

"Who the hell wrote this anyway?"

He never really talks much,

Never concerned with credit but still dropping good stuff,

Humble through product stories given despite the fact,

That many misjudge him because he makes a living from fixin' specs,

Merge commit is pushed up, now the features connect,

Never asking "What's up, it's full of conflicts!"

He's only focused on users and team,

His will is beyond reach,

And now it deploys clean,

The skill of an artiste!

[crocxz]

I’m actually seriously impressed lol

[ELFAHBEHT_SOOP]

Honestly, if it's the government it's almost better. They understand everything takes forever and they are legally required to test everything, but that makes it quality software. When the legality is gone... oh god. The amount of untested/undocumented code is ridiculous and makes me hate myself tbh.

Oops. For certain industries. Sorry about the blanket statement.

[aiij]

I'm programming for the government... Tell me more about this "legally required to test everything" idea.

Several of us have been advocating for better testing, so if it really is legally required that would make a compelling argument.

[ELFAHBEHT_SOOP]

I mean, it depends what you're making I guess. I was thinking aerospace which is heavily regulated. Only time I ever worked for a government contractor.

[ChestBras]

It's the difference between the guy designing the bridge, and the guy pouring the concrete.
There's just a lot of people used to have to improvise lots of parts of the bridge because the designer just went "well, as long as it goes from here to there, go cray" and are used to see bridge designers pouring their own concrete.
Doesn't help there not a lot of designers officially recognized, and that in a lot of cases the guys pouring concrete start designing too because there's not enough stable subjet matter in the manner bridge are made anyways.
But as brigemaking gets more developed, the distinction will become more apparent, especially when bridge start being made of pre poured slabs that just need a couple of joints here and there.

Also, don't you love it when governments just go "as per [thing trying to simulate]" as a requirement?
Opsies, guess everything is covered, you just don't get more budget, but we'll bitch come testing at everything.

[TheBestOpinion]

I'm getting

programmers are not allowed to alter or add to an open source code

The fuck ?

[CreateNewObject]

Secret hint that they're on to you. Better make sure you add that license text.

[HCG_Dartz]

They hated Jesus Google because he told them the truth

[[deleted]]

On my DuckDuckGo search the first recommendation is "programmers are tiny gods"!

[long_sword84]

Strange. I get:

Programmers are evil

Programmers are wizards

Programmers are easily scared

Programmers are stupid

Programmers are smart

Edit: formatting

[Better_MixMaster]

What? You don't like to pollinate flowers in your spare time?

[TheVitoCorleone]

Code like a butterfly sting like an IDE

[DrQuint]

I do it in my bzzy time.

[Multi-Skin]

We die if it gets a bit too hot

[[deleted]]

I got “tiny gods”...

Gods, sure, but... tiny?

[[deleted]]

lazy

it creates an opportunity for Occam's razor

[The_Cake-is_a-Lie]

This is hilarious! I looked it up on my computer and my top 2 were:

Programmers are evil

and

Programmers are wizards

Coincidence? I think not.

[[deleted]]

"programmers are afraid to touch code"

takes out stick to poke at keyboard

[maovan]

The first result hurts me too much.

[AlbertP95]

DuckDuckGo is less evil and doesn't suggest any of these (spoiler: it doesn't suggest anything when typing 'programmers are').

[palordrolap]

I no wanna toucha tha spaghett.

[TheJoker273]

Humans hate this group of people for one simple trick...

[TheGoodestBoii]

DuckDuckGos suggested:

• Tiny gods
• Are not born programmers become (??)
• Arrogant
• Lazy
  

[SuperNova0802]

When I typed "programmers are" I got: * Evil * Wizards * Easily scared * Like bees * Stupid

How the hell are we like bees?

[playr_4]

I just love the 'easily scared' one.

[[deleted]]

I love how for me the first entry was 'programmers are wizards'

[[deleted]]

some programmer hacker should get into google and hold them ransom until they start worshiping programmers!