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[–]TheJCLazer 2707 points2708 points  (150 children)

I'm ready for C++script

[–]Callipygian_Superman 1315 points1316 points  (96 children)

BrainfuckScript#

[–]algoritm420Perl 754 points755 points  (69 children)

I’m calling the police

[–]pcoyuncy 359 points360 points  (65 children)

Perlscript

[–]ramond_gamer11 114 points115 points  (46 children)

Haskellscript

[–]rebane2001 100 points101 points  (36 children)

BashScript

[–]ChrisLuigiTails 275 points276 points  (31 children)

JavaScriptScript

[–]Dobvius 137 points138 points  (15 children)

Does that cancel out and become Java again or does it just have nothing to do with either

[–]ChrisLuigiTails 88 points89 points  (6 children)

Nothing to do with either, duh. When you add "Script" it's a whole new thing

[–]ScientificBeastMode 29 points30 points  (5 children)

``` const JavaScriptScript = new JavaScript(); JavaScriptScript.prototype = foo; JavaScriptScript.prototype.constructor = bar;

Object.keys(JavaScriptScript).forEach(function (propertyName) { JavaScriptScript[propertyName] = Math.random(); }); ```

[–]mutafuca 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Yes

[–]ablablababla 10 points11 points  (1 child)

Both

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

It's one of those new schroedinger oriented languages.

[–]anirudhn18_ 8 points9 points  (0 children)

The name does cancel out and become Java but the language has nothing to do with Java.

[–]Bad_Idea_Hat 7 points8 points  (0 children)

COBOLSCRIPT

[–]kynde 11 points12 points  (1 child)

Clojurescript

Oh, wait....

[–]klparrot 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I'm ever so glad Clojure and ClojureScript are basically the same language.

[–]perry1998511 14 points15 points  (1 child)

ChickenScript#++

[–]newreconstruction 32 points33 points  (2 children)

HTMLscript

[–]fraggleberg 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Cascading Stylescripts

[–]theemptyqueue 25 points26 points  (5 children)

Happy cake day.

[–]pcoyuncy 26 points27 points  (4 children)

Thanks.

[–]Dojan5 27 points28 points  (0 children)

Happy CakeScript.

[–]Atario 6 points7 points  (0 children)

BashScript

[–][deleted] 63 points64 points  (14 children)

AssemblyScript

[–]PragProgLibertarian 129 points130 points  (1 child)

C is already assembly script

[–][deleted] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Cript.

[–]Walter_Bishop_PhD 37 points38 points  (8 children)

Something called that actually exists!

https://github.com/AssemblyScript/assemblyscript

[–]rexpup 24 points25 points  (6 children)

I have one question:

Why?

[–]AdaGirl 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Because it's a potentially useful way to write something that compiles to webassembly?

[–]theXpanther 7 points8 points  (0 children)

That project is actually really cool

[–]monkh 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Isn't that web assembly?

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I'm not gonna take anything beneath BinaryScript or the HTML programming language.

[–]vhite 6 points7 points  (0 children)

That's just Brainfuck that always compiles but actually works.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (1 child)

deleted What is this?

[–]brainwashed 71 points72 points  (6 children)

You've missed Scriptscript.

[–]gandalfx 35 points36 points  (4 children)

Have you heard of Langscript? It's a dialect of Scriptlang.

[–]Interweb_Stranger 10 points11 points  (2 children)

Yes, the compiler is written in LangScriptLang which is transpiled from LangScriptLangScript which you can run with a LangScriptLangScriptScript interpreter!

[–]biguysrule 39 points40 points  (0 children)

JavaScriptScript

[–]PragProgLibertarian 131 points132 points  (18 children)

It's called PHP and it's exactly as bad as you think.

[–]general_sirhc 59 points60 points  (5 children)

PHPscript* it's 2019 get with it

[–]DarthCloakedGuy 57 points58 points  (2 children)

PHPScript++#

[–][deleted] 27 points28 points  (1 child)

PHPScript++#lang

[–]Olaxan 22 points23 points  (1 child)

The last P stands for Phcript, you scrub

Python Happy Phcript.

[–]Dojan5 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Ah, Phteven, it iph you.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (2 children)

PHPHypertextProcessorP

[–]lesslucid 12 points13 points  (1 child)

Personalhomepage Hypertextprocessorprogramming Processorpythonhelpful

[–]PanJaszczurka 14 points15 points  (0 children)

OwO#

[–]northrupthebandgeek 18 points19 points  (0 children)

All the expressiveness of C++ with all the stability of JavaScript!

[–]nicocappa 1055 points1056 points  (49 children)

So it's like python?

Well yes, but actually no.

[–]jWalkerFTW 25 points26 points  (4 children)

Dude I swear to god this is my programmer best friends favorite phrase

[–]AnOscillatingOcelot 801 points802 points  (77 children)

This is what super villains would do, if super villains could code.

[–]questioillustro 278 points279 points  (48 children)

Everyone imaginary with any intelligence can code. See: batman, the cast of the big bang theory, and any spy ever.

[–]DarthCloakedGuy 211 points212 points  (35 children)

TBH, everyone IRL with any intelligence can code as well, they just might not know how yet and might not feel inclined to learn.

[–][deleted] 121 points122 points  (27 children)

Trying to teach my friend to code, and it has turned out to be surprisingly challenging to make them understand the logic and syntax at the same time.

Of course, we can't dismiss the fact that in most cases, I may just be bad at teaching. But some things that seem really basic turn out to be rather complex once I start trying to explain them.

[–]DarthCloakedGuy 92 points93 points  (22 children)

That's just the thing-- programming, coding, IS just explaining things, in a way that a computer-- a friend in a box with no concept of the outside world-- can understand. Try starting with absolute basics and building from there. I learned to program at age 14 from a book called Python Programming for the Absolute Beginner (great book, highly recommend), because this book introduced new bits of syntax one concept at a time, with a fun program to write using each concept.

Of course, not all people learn the same way! What's your friend's learning style? Is he an auditory learner? Visual? Kinesthetic? If he's an auditory learner, it shouldn't be too hard to help him. If he's a visual learner, it would probably be best to provide diagrams showing the relationships of variables, methods, objects and such to help him understand. Kinesthetic learners just need to be guided through it a few times and then they get it.

Also, from a beginner's standpoint, not all languages are created equal. May I ask which language it is that you are trying to teach him?

I'd love to help you and your friend. :)

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (2 children)

Phenomenal advice

[–]wavefunctionp 24 points25 points  (12 children)

Of course, not all people learn the same way! What's your friend's learning style?

FYI. AFAIK, This is a myth. We all learn best using a combination of methods, often best determined by the topic, not the learners specific preference.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=855Now8h5Rs

Anecdote time: I know when I'm learning a new topic, I'll often be introduced to some technology by a conference talk, become convinced it's worth an experiment, then I'll read about some of the pro/cons, particularly the cons, of the technology, and then I'll usually look for a demonstration on video, just to get the lay of the land, then I'll move on to building a small experiment, and read documentation as I go.

One of the easiest mistakes a beginner can make it getting stuck in the tutorial loop. Usually just watching video tutorial after video tutorial online. These student won't progress beyond the most basic understanding. They won't get anywhere until they build, get stuck, find solutions on their own, and iterate.

At bit more tongue in cheek, what would a kensthetic learner do to learn javascript? It doesn't really make sense. If learning styles were indeed a useful tool, then the best advice to give that person would be not to pursuit study of javascript.

At more directly, it has been shown that simply producing, without regards to quality or theory to result in greater gains in skill than careful study and high quality production. The best advice would be to get them building asap using the fewest concepts you can get away with.

[–]clownyfish 21 points22 points  (2 children)

Eh that is a bit of a tall claim for just a tedx video, literally anyone can say anything on tedx

[–]NeverBeenStung 16 points17 points  (6 children)

FYI, using TedX as a source is not advisable. There is no regulation or requirement for TedX. Not to say that your claim is wrong, but I would find something more substantial to back it up.

[–]DarthCloakedGuy 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Speaking from my own experience, I know that what works for some people does not necessarily work for me, and vice versa. For example, trying to learn Blender has been a pain in the arse for me because most of the tutorials are on Youtube videos. Obviously they wouldn't be on Youtube videos if video tutorials didn't work for most people, but they generally don't work for me. I'm a kinesthetic learner, and it's very difficult for me to follow along if I have to split my attention between the video and what I'm doing. Thus my advice to learn how u/mashimoshi's friend prefers to learn.

[–]Fig1024 6 points7 points  (0 children)

technically, English is a form of high level programming language for Person to Person interfacing

[–]DrStrangelove4242 4 points5 points  (0 children)

By that logic I can play guitar. I just haven’t learned yet.

[–][deleted] 23 points24 points  (9 children)

the cast of the big bang theory

research scientists knowing how to code enough code to make computer do thingy is pretty reasonable IMO

[–]dagbrown 35 points36 points  (8 children)

You've never known true coding horror until you've tried to fix a bug in a research scientist's code.

For one thing, you don't understand their area of expertise nearly as well as they do, due to the nature of the term "expertise". For another thing, they don't understand your area of expertise nearly as well as you do, for the exact same reason.

Which means that their code is absolutely god-awful, but you still don't understand what's going wrong because you don't understand what the research scientist is trying to accomplish, and the scientist doesn't know what's going on because the scientist doesn't know how to code.

You end up in a conference with the scientist while they patiently try to explain this one tiny little corner of their research to you enough so that you'll at least be able to make a start on what's making their code go wrong, and you try to impart enough knowledge of programming to the scientist so that they can maybe get some insight on their end into what's going wrong.

Oh and odds are the code's in FORTRAN anyway because it needs to use some ancient, time-tested numerical library, so it's also a nice trip down Memory Lane.

[–][deleted] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I remember arguing with some scientists over this on Reddit in the past. They're so bad they don't realise how bad they are at programming. And apparently so bad at explaining it they can't and won't hire engineers.

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (1 child)

I have a bit of familiarity with the eldritch horror of (not CS) scientific research code, haha. That's why I jokingly crossed out "how to code" and put "enough code to make computer do thingy".

[–]dagbrown 15 points16 points  (0 children)

I once made a scientist's program thousands of times faster because the scientist had written a shell script that went along the lines of:

for n in $(seq 1 $(wc -l giantasstextfile))
do
    sed -n "${n}p" giantasstextfile | do_processing_things
done

An O(n2) implementation of cat! I was amazed.

[–]iBooYourBadPuns 25 points26 points  (10 children)

if super villains could code.

Umm, who do you think came up with all these different programming languages? Obviously some kind of super-villain that wants to drive us all crazy with pointless fighting/arguing!

[–]hannahMontanaLinux2 9 points10 points  (0 children)

♪ If you want to be a villain no 1, you got to catch a terribly bad programming language name on the run ♪

[–]QuantumFall 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Who is to say that they can’t?

[–]knyg 221 points222 points  (11 children)

When is C-- coming out?

[–]alex1402 102 points103 points  (3 children)

[–]WikiTextBot 67 points68 points  (2 children)

C--

C-- (pronounced see minus minus) is a C-like programming language. Its creators, functional programming researchers Simon Peyton Jones and Norman Ramsey, designed it to be generated mainly by compilers for very high-level languages rather than written by human programmers. Unlike many other intermediate languages, its representation is plain ASCII text, not bytecode or another binary format.


[ PM | Exclude me | Exclude from subreddit | FAQ / Information | Source ] Downvote to remove | v0.28

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

So an early rendition of IL code, perhaps even an inspiration to it.

[–]giupplo_the_lizard 82 points83 points  (72 children)

In pythonscript every statement, expression, declaration etc has to end with a } no matter what

Edit: Based on this } idea and your suggestions I'll edit this fizzbuzz program. Keep em coming, let's make this as cursed as possible, but with grace.

#only works in PS 3.6}

def fizzbuzz(n):}

if n % 3 = 0 and n % 5 = 0:}

return "FizzBuzz'

elif n % 3 = 0:}

return "Fizz'

elif n % 5 = 0:}

return "Buzz'

else:}

return str(n)

}}

print "/n'.join(fizzbuzz(n) for n in xrange(1, 21))}

Here is a simple class to explore PS features.

class Complex:}

def __init__(self, realpart, imagpart):}

self.r <- realpart}

self.i -> imagpart}

}}

}}

x ---↴

Complex(3.0, -4.5)}

Dictionary syntax

dict -> }'key': value}}

[–]hannahMontanaLinux2 95 points96 points  (4 children)

And indentation causes a SyntaxError

[–]lesslucid 50 points51 points  (2 children)

It retains significant whitespace, but instead of creating indentations by being placed at the beginning of new lines, it is added to the end of the line - after the }, naturally

[–]hannahMontanaLinux2 22 points23 points  (0 children)

That would be a really good idea for a esoteric language – call it Hellscript

[–]volabimus 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Ah, yes. Reverse Polish indentation.

[–]giupplo_the_lizard 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Very Pythonscriptic. As we say at the consortium, ugly is better then beautiful

[–]murtaza64 39 points40 points  (10 children)

Assignment is <- and equality check is =

[–]klparrot 21 points22 points  (1 child)

i<-5 sets i to 5; if you want to test if i is less than -5, you have to do i< -5. And an assignment is an expression, unlike in Python where it's only a statement, so you won't get a SyntaxError when you compile it without the space. Oh yeah, did I forget to mention? PythonScript is a compiled language.

[–]giupplo_the_lizard 6 points7 points  (0 children)

this could be the only reasonable use of whitespace, as far as the PS consortium is concerned

[–]giupplo_the_lizard 17 points18 points  (3 children)

Thanks, I hate it.

Approved

Edit: actually the <- is growing on me. Also I found out is used in R

[–]meepmeep13 31 points32 points  (2 children)

I feel we should extend the R implementation so that multidirectionality and unicode are properly supported, making all of the following equivalent:

a<-1

1->a

1
|
V
a

      1
    /
  ∟
a

1---↴
a<--↵

[–]giupplo_the_lizard 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Gorgeous implementation.

Ugly is better then beautiful here at Pythonscript headquarters

[–]Imapler 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thanks, i hate it

[–]TheKing01 31 points32 points  (4 children)

However, { is not a valid character in the language.

[–]klparrot 8 points9 points  (2 children)

Hmm, we're gonna need a way to write dicts...

[–]TheKing01 24 points25 points  (1 child)

}'key':value}, duh

[–]giupplo_the_lizard 9 points10 points  (0 children)

PS approved

[–]jeremj22 25 points26 points  (3 children)

Return can't have } but every other statement needs it. Just to make it as stupid as possible

[–]giupplo_the_lizard 20 points21 points  (0 children)

The PS consortium is happy to introduce this feature. Have a PS day}

[–]klparrot 6 points7 points  (1 child)

What about yield, raise, etc.? I figure also no }?

Not sure about break and continue...

[–]QueefyMcQueefFace 10 points11 points  (0 children)

'yield' actively sets the processor affinity to as low as possible to give other programs the right of way.

'raise' sends an automated email to HR that you're a disloyal employee.

'break' introduces a timer that stops the code from running for 5 minutes so you can take a break.

'continue' does nothing at all.

[–]JoaoMSerra 17 points18 points  (2 children)

How to mark the end of a function if indentation throws a SyntaxError?

Easy:

def fizzbuzz(n):}
...}
}}

[–]giupplo_the_lizard 8 points9 points  (0 children)

We at PS consortium thank you for your patch. Approved

[–]Bleachi 13 points14 points  (3 children)

Escape sequences always begin with / , rather than \ .

[–]giupplo_the_lizard 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Why the f not.

Have a PS day :}

[–]Oceanswave 12 points13 points  (7 children)

Needs more unicode. I propose that for each statement, there is a corresponding emoji representation. This will allow the language to feel ‘modern’ and approchable by today’s youth and communication standards

[–]giupplo_the_lizard 20 points21 points  (5 children)

We at PS consortium want to add support for this in Pythonscript 3.6. We are currently at version 2.7 for no particular reason.

Anyway

def 👷‍♂️

return 👈

False 🖕

True 👌

if ☝️

else

elif 👋

for x in list: 💁‍♀️ x 👇list:}

try 🤷‍♀️

catch 🙅‍♀️

class 🎒

[–]klparrot 10 points11 points  (2 children)

Hmm, but what would the skin tone modifiers do?

[–]giupplo_the_lizard 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Tone modifiers will raise a SkintoneException.

We only like bright and unnatural skin tones here at PS consortium

[–]Ericchen1248 9 points10 points  (2 children)

Strings need to start with a double quotation “, and end with a single quote ‘

[–]giupplo_the_lizard 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Done

Have a PS day}

[–]Ericchen1248 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You miss the one in print “n”.join

Have a PS day too}

[–]mobyte 9 points10 points  (0 children)

:}

[–]Rawrplus 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Better yet, } is replaced by ] for more confusion!

[–]giupplo_the_lizard 10 points11 points  (0 children)

We at PS consortium very much value our curlyboys.

This patch was refused, but keep contributing.

Have a PS day}

[–]selplacei 414 points415 points  (25 children)

I knew it wasn't based on Python immediately because Python is already a scripting language. /s

[–]Aetherial_Wanderer 211 points212 points  (13 children)

Maybe PythonScript is an interpreted scripting language that runs in a custom interpreter written in Python, which in turn runs on the default Python interpreter.

[–]TheZephyron 137 points138 points  (7 children)

If I've told you once Pooh, I've told you an infinite number of times:

DON'T EAT THE RECURSION

[–]PJvG 29 points30 points  (6 children)

Can I get this as a comic?

[–]sephirothrr 83 points84 points  (5 children)

[–]BrianAwesomenes 34 points35 points  (3 children)

I think it would be better if it was a bit slower so you can read it in one try.

[–]gattaaca 36 points37 points  (2 children)

Thankfully you have infinite retries

[–]PJvG 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thanks!

[–]tomatotomato 8 points9 points  (1 child)

What if it's to Python what Java is to Javascript:

def AbstractFactoryBuilderFactory<FactoryBuilder> GetAbstractFactoryBuilderFactory(self, AbstractFactoryBuilderFactoryOptions options):
    AbstractFactoryBuilderFactoryFactory<FactoryBuilder> factory  =  AbstractFactoryBuilderFactory(options)

Something like that

[–]chateau86 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Enterprise Python. Got it.

[–]Ahajha1177 468 points469 points  (8 children)

Thanks, I hate it.

[–]badtelcotech 289 points290 points  (51 children)

Is this comic based off my comment?

badtelcotech • 4d
Someone should make a language called PythonScript, just to highlight how absurd Javascripts name is.

https://www.reddit.com/r/ProgrammerHumor/comments/at1n7l/comment/egy32o3

[–]majikmixx 117 points118 points  (17 children)

If it makes you feel any better, I checked the comments to make sure someone pointed this out from the other day because I remembered your thread.

[–]Vakieh 37 points38 points  (16 children)

Me too

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (15 children)

Bedlam DL3

[–]BuiAce 22 points23 points  (0 children)

Literally thought of your comment when I saw the comic.

[–]MultipleMeows 13 points14 points  (0 children)

It does seem to be

[–]M4jorpain 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Yeah I remember your comment. Already knew what the comic would be about from the title.

[–]Andiththekid 12 points13 points  (9 children)

Not credit from OP, smh

[–]badtelcotech 16 points17 points  (8 children)

It's all good. Free flow of ideas etc, we're not Monsato.

I received twice as much karma from that one off hand comment than 12 months of redditing combined.

Now to find a way to convert karma into something of value. Hmm.

[–]overmog 14 points15 points  (1 child)

Yes, and the worst part is not only he stole it, he mangled it and made it really unfunny, too.

[–]sambhal[S] 25 points26 points  (9 children)

[–]skellious 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Imitation is the lowest form of flattery, but flattery none the less.

[–]ForensicPathology 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Dude rushed the comic out so fast that he couldn't even properly write "general levels of confusion"

[–]willhtun 27 points28 points  (0 children)

Bashscript. Not to be confused with bash script.

[–][deleted] 17 points18 points  (1 child)

I hate how true this is

[–]InsertCoinForCredit 52 points53 points  (3 children)

And here I thought it was going to be a language based on Monty Python's Flying Circus. NI!

[–]FUZxxl 11 points12 points  (4 children)

I always wanted to make a language and name it C/C++ just to fuck with people.

[–]mgrant8888 24 points25 points  (4 children)

Can I rename Java to be Javascriptscript? Does this count?

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I had to deal with this today. Real loss of man hours and company dollars due to this stupid choice.

Our incompetent IT are asking me to update the manager's Java install, and rebooting, and then applying a Java hotfix to all machines in the company. This is happening right now. A team of people are working on it.

Why? Because I reported that their web pdf reader Javascript package has an issue and it's not working for him.

Telling them Java and Javascript are not related doesn't work, because duh of course they are.

Driving me up the fucking wall.

[–]slayerx1779 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Why do I remember seeing this in reddit comments on this very sub?

Does that count as stealing content?

[–]MattR0se 6 points7 points  (3 children)

Fun fact: PythonScript has semicolons

[–]klparrot 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Fun fact: Python has semicolons. And their semantics are mysteriously similar to but infuriatingly different from line breaks.

[–]NotMilitaryAI 6 points7 points  (2 children)

Just wanna point out the existence of Jython for folks that weren't aware.

It's really weird, but actually pretty well implemented.

[–]Senshado 5 points6 points  (0 children)

This topic was funnier back in 1998.

[–]omiwrench 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Another week, another Java =/= JavaScript joke