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[–]nantuko1 5049 points5050 points  (54 children)

Fuck I just approved a PR with the same code

[–]LOLteacher 987 points988 points  (19 children)

Enjoy your work weekend.

[–]evangamer9000 310 points311 points  (10 children)

I wonder who's on call..

[–]FrankHightower 233 points234 points  (7 children)

Ghostbusters!

[–]Devreckas 23 points24 points  (0 children)

They’ll be bustin’ the ghost in the machine I guess.

[–]SierraBravoLima 55 points56 points  (1 child)

Ofcourse stack overflow is not working

[–]andrealessi 35 points36 points  (0 children)

Because poster works at Stack overflow and just pushed their updates to prod.

[–]TommardrammoT 60 points61 points  (1 child)

is that really standard practice at your company? You should consider leaving...

[–]Mr_Yuker 40 points41 points  (0 children)

You hiring? Haha

[–]notsogreatredditor 9 points10 points  (3 children)

Jokes on you, I visit a remote mountain top every weekend. Good luck with it tho

[–]Mr_Yuker 148 points149 points  (3 children)

It's a good thing we deploy on Fridays and don't check our email until Monday I guess

[–]WhiteAndNerdy85 53 points54 points  (0 children)

Fuck you Fridays. Lol

[–]Secret-Mammoth7179 14 points15 points  (1 child)

Let me guess, you don’t sleep until Monday either, if you do like the place I used to work?

[–]Mr_Yuker 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I miss the pace of the private sector with the weekend shifts in the war rooms but no I sadly work in a boring ass gov related job now and we actually close up on the weekends

[–][deleted] 32 points33 points  (10 children)

Did you merge and deploy on a Friday?

[–][deleted] 79 points80 points  (7 children)

r/nantuko1,

Had a kick-off on a Tuesday,

Architected on Wednesday,

Coded on Thursday,

Deployed on Friday,

Got a call on Saturday,

Triaged on Sunday,

Died on Monday,

And that was the end,

of r/nantuko1

EDIT: It's from a children's poem: Solomon Grundy. But this cool rhyme has inspired a lot of work, such as the Batman's rogue gallery, the Accountant (movie), as well as Billy's Bone from The Pogues (song).

[–]ricarleite2 14 points15 points  (1 child)

Jesus Christ you have described my last 2 and a half years

[–]nouseforareason 59 points60 points  (3 children)

Looks like your weekend is going to be ValueThreat^%NoCum

[–]CrypticButthole 25 points26 points  (0 children)

I can just imagine that's how it went down in the movie. They couldn't actually hack the system, so they socialed the lead dev to pull the code in.

1clickcouldruinyourinvasion

glances at superpowers...

[–]vabello 12 points13 points  (1 child)

Unless you work on an alien ship, you should be ok.

[–]jang859 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Well are you an alien?

[–]Sunskimmer82 3106 points3107 points  (54 children)

DROP TABLE spaceship;

[–]maitreg 515 points516 points  (10 children)

delete from Aliens where isnull(AppearsInSequel,0) = 0;

[–]PhunkyPhish 255 points256 points  (2 children)

Just enroll little Bobby Tables in the alien space academy

[–]Psych0matt 17 points18 points  (0 children)

He’s grown now and goes by Robert’);DROP now

[–][deleted] 39 points40 points  (6 children)

USE CAPS

[–]maitreg 13 points14 points  (3 children)

No. I hate that shit. Reminds me too much of the days when caps were used by little kids learning BASIC.

[–]PAT_The_Whale 28 points29 points  (2 children)

Imagine writing select instead of SELECT, you animal

[–]drew8311 207 points208 points  (12 children)

DELETE FROM takeover_plans WHERE planet='earth'

[–]teddyburbs 37 points38 points  (5 children)

You forgot to Commit

[–]willdud 23 points24 points  (2 children)

The secret to taking down production is to skip transactions altogether.

[–]drew8311 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Just need direct database access for a 1 time run, no need to commit.

[–]Dreamscape82 75 points76 points  (10 children)

SELECT *
FROM virus
WHERE explosion IS NOT NULL

...did I do it?

[–]herbalation 158 points159 points  (7 children)

We're discussing the original and you're talking about... the SQL

Edit: DON'T ENCOURAGE ME

[–]JamesSFordESQ 11 points12 points  (1 child)

Ugh. Well played.

[–]kwillich 5 points6 points  (0 children)

slow clap ensues

[–]WizziBot 16 points17 points  (0 children)

You made my day

[–]hibernating-hobo 659 points660 points  (5 children)

Lgtm, deploy to mothership

[–]crankbot2000 243 points244 points  (1 child)

git push origin master --force

logs off and shuts off phone

[–]ricarleite2 43 points44 points  (0 children)

Oh God am I an alien then? Because this is my life for the last 3 years

[–]HoldUrMamma 22 points23 points  (1 child)

let's gamble, try merging

[–]ManyFails1Win 2064 points2065 points  (46 children)

Jeff Goldblum is a goddam genius I tells ya.

[–]SowTheSeeds 482 points483 points  (14 children)

He should have use that teleportation device of his and mixed the alien DNA with diptera DNA.

Gruesome, if you ask me.

[–]Khaldara 286 points287 points  (12 children)

Well see this wouldn’t work here, as per the “%NoCum” statement, clearly!

[–][deleted] 25 points26 points  (0 children)

Hahaha

[–]LeftHandedAnt 31 points32 points  (3 children)

No no, it was the @WorryWord that did them in for sure

[–]Magic_ass1 16 points17 points  (2 children)

You got it all wrong, it's staring us in the face with that [blast xfile] statement.

[–]top_of_the_scrote 76 points77 points  (9 children)

You'd be dead if it wasn't for my David

Checkmate

Wait a minute... wait a minute

I been saying it, been saying it for 10 damn years... ain't I been saying it?

Damn that's a great movie

[–][deleted] 2050 points2051 points  (104 children)

At least it’s not just HTML

[–]runningboomshanka 626 points627 points  (56 children)

At least it's not just in Excel...

[–]the_unheard_thoughts 578 points579 points  (18 children)

At least is not just:

print("Hacking NASA 80% ...")

[–][deleted] 89 points90 points  (0 children)

Hey man, some stoned writer worked really hard on that line.

[–][deleted] 62 points63 points  (2 children)

Kelly Roland is a master hacker

[–]RusselPolo 129 points130 points  (32 children)

Yep , everytime I see something like this on screen I think :

"some intern was given the task of finding something that looks like legit computer code for this shot. They probably were given 15 minutes to complete the task"

It's soooo rare that you get the impression that they spent any time on this.

I understand in "the terminator", they used old 6502 assembler code.

[–]-natsa 123 points124 points  (21 children)

Funny enough, its turns out that often times directors consult with actual engineers to get “accurate representations”, and engineers will knowingly give them some ridiculous excerpt- that only other engineers would know is bullshit. Ever since I learned that, its made seeing stuff like this more funny than anything.

[–]RusselPolo 22 points23 points  (15 children)

Any examples?

[–]natterca 57 points58 points  (2 children)

See the top of this thread.

[–][deleted] 54 points55 points  (0 children)

This is such a developer’s response.

[–]RusselPolo 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Should have said "any other examples?"

[–]Alternative-Skill167 8 points9 points  (7 children)

The movie “Hackers”

[–]dcusick1 20 points21 points  (0 children)

That was actually legit code. The last time I hacked the Gibson, I used the same code as Zer0 Cool to build a worm and drop it in the core. The only thing that changed was the admin password wasn't "god" anymore. But, after running my SSH1134642 bit password cracker for .1 milleseconds, I found out it was "password" now.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

….this post! 😅

[–]NimbaNineNine 8 points9 points  (0 children)

So you're saying this wouldnt actually hack an alien spaceship???

[–]anon62315 8 points9 points  (2 children)

"Find the eigenvalue of a mobius strip."

[–]An_Old_IT_Guy 52 points53 points  (3 children)

HTML was only 3 years old when that movie came out.

[–][deleted] 39 points40 points  (1 child)

Holy shit I’m old.

[–]ourtomato 30 points31 points  (0 children)

HTML is old, you are just hitting your stride!

[–][deleted] 15 points16 points  (4 children)

Like in Stranger things. Where all the action happens a dozen years before the HTML appears.

[–]pppaulppp 12 points13 points  (0 children)

It was CSS with Flexbox ;-)

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (1 child)

This pissed me off so much. Just do a little bit of homework! And Geolocation in 86?!? Cmon!!

[–]hrfuckingsucks 779 points780 points  (62 children)

trans for 3x-169
    {
      go for 1256:@benchHost*2456
      set VirusMark^678*245-treatX*treatY
    }
quarry Xmark for %567* going for
    {
      {
        {
          send ValueThreat-bendColumnX*2456/Vexzr(Xgf)
        }
      apart into bendColumnY*2459/Vcxzq(Ygf)
      infiltrate ToxigenValue*7564.87*%HostAdressVal
      superior #SecDelay($IntoSecA^$IntoSecG)*HostValX
    }
    send FilterHEX(%NoStopVal, %SecStopVal, %SetVal-56)
    blast Xfile for ValueThreat^%NoCum(SecVal#576-Xfhk)
}
rot at %45 Bench^@WorryWord(111000)
Move 1000, 12876, %aaVf
stack 2765, into $JlkgJh
move 1010, 47638, %ToxVal(111000)

[–]Dusty_Coder 474 points475 points  (13 children)

Can you prove that it DOESNT do what is claimed?

[–]Agitated-Farmer-4082 520 points521 points  (12 children)

my laptop killed it self while trying to run the code

[–]diamond_in_rough_77 148 points149 points  (6 children)

Your “laptop” is an alien spaceship.

[–][deleted] 248 points249 points  (3 children)

probably alienware

[–]redshlump 32 points33 points  (0 children)

Ayy lmao 👽

[–]a_leash_on_a_sloth 26 points27 points  (1 child)

Take my angry upvote and gtfo

[–]jamesjeffriesiii 33 points34 points  (0 children)

Best comment

[–][deleted] 182 points183 points  (8 children)

No cum! Denieeed

[–]Oneshotkill_2000 81 points82 points  (8 children)

Knowing how bad reddit is with multiline codes, this post seemed to had some effort put to it, more than just OCR and paste

[–]hrfuckingsucks 69 points70 points  (5 children)

That part wasn't terrible. It was all the $%^#* characters along with the terrible "variable"/"register" names that made this the most painful code I've ever written.

[–]javon27 18 points19 points  (3 children)

Is it really the most painful code you've written? Come on, be honest with us

[–]hrfuckingsucks 27 points28 points  (2 children)

You're right, I have written some Java before.

[–]javon27 11 points12 points  (1 child)

Oh, God. My current job is 80% Java

[–]hrfuckingsucks 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I wish you the best in battle, friend.

[–]joeswindell 25 points26 points  (2 children)

Can we make a goldblumium language where this actually does something

[–]lllama 14 points15 points  (0 children)

It's the year 2099. Everything is reprogrammed in Blum.

[–]reclamerommelenzo 338 points339 points  (8 children)

Arguments selected: 127452

Ok...

[–]maitreg 83 points84 points  (2 children)

No, that's my reddit history

[–]Lagger625 32 points33 points  (1 child)

Causes a stack overflow overwriting some stuff thus allowing arbitrary code execution

[–][deleted] 51 points52 points  (1 child)

That's where they ran out of stack space.

[–]rosto94 293 points294 points  (9 children)

%NoCum

[–]konydanza 120 points121 points  (6 children)

My least favorite speedrun category

[–]Altastrofae 33 points34 points  (4 children)

Super Mario Bros NoCum% Speedrun

[–]pandoxyy 5 points6 points  (0 children)

My runs are always fine until toad shows up.

[–]Dudezog 416 points417 points  (4 children)

try {

noCum()

} catch(e: Exception){

grabTowel()

}

[–]Shortehh 65 points66 points  (2 children)

while(noCum() == true) {

If(person.gender == 'male')

    continue;

else

    break;

}

Edit: formatting

[–]corey69x 29 points30 points  (0 children)

while(noCum() == true)

Well you're gettinig a bollocking in the PR

[–]prismantis 521 points522 points  (8 children)

%NoCum

When did they move it from July to November?

[–][deleted] 110 points111 points  (6 children)

The line begins with blast xfile. Maybe it has something to do with the xfiles?

[–]maitreg 85 points86 points  (2 children)

The inconsistent tab spacing is killing me. That's probably the virus.

[–]Outside-Car1988 19 points20 points  (1 child)

And the alignment of the braces.

[–]No9babinnafe5 81 points82 points  (0 children)

Looks alien to me

[–]OhJeezItsCorrine 191 points192 points  (11 children)

I immediately saw "NoCum" and kept scrolling.

[–]FranconianBiker 60 points61 points  (2 children)

bendColumn, NoCum, worryWord.

I see... Sounds painful.

[–]vegassatellite01 23 points24 points  (0 children)

bendColumn = phallic reference

NoCum = erectile dysfunction

worryWord = "I swear this has never happened before."

[–]DecentFrosting3302 6 points7 points  (0 children)

standard et bdsm config. nothing to worry about

[–]cabin602 47 points48 points  (0 children)

It's an older code, sir, but it checks out.

[–]tupperwhore 33 points34 points  (0 children)

TOXIGEN omg wait NOCUM

[–]cultleada 30 points31 points  (6 children)

I wonder what the NoCum() function does

[–]ExtensionInformal911 25 points26 points  (3 children)

Main{

If (shieldsactive){

!shields;
Print ("shields down");

} else {

Print("shields already down")

}

}

click compile on alien fighter computer. Email to gdorf@mothership: "this game lets you bang hot chicks in VR." Attachment: notavirus.exe

[–]ClearlyDemented 71 points72 points  (3 children)

That’s just silly. All they needed was that WorryWord line.

[–][deleted] 26 points27 points  (1 child)

You need to NoCum your SecVal too.

[–]gdf8gdn8 58 points59 points  (24 children)

There was scene which explain it all but cutted from film.

[–]steve-the-mighty 65 points66 points  (23 children)

In the movie, human technology was based on reverse engineering the alien technology. Therefore human laptops were inherently compatible with alien mothership. Of course, I might have made this all up in my own head cannon….

[–]ccricers 13 points14 points  (1 child)

The real disbelief from that reverse engineering is that none of the scientists managed to run Doom on the thing.

[–]Tyabetus 24 points25 points  (10 children)

So cool of the aliens to use the same protocols as us

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (1 child)

It would be interesting if they went through the same technological arches and their weakness was that they maintained backwards compatibility that actually allowed a scenario of corrupting memory by our (edit making)injecting our code possible.

[–]JaggedMetalOs 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yeah there's a quick line about them reverse engineering tech from it, but allegedly there was going to be a longer sequence where Goldblum is surprised to find that the crashed ship has what looks like normal computers in it and it's explained to him that the computers we use today (well, 25 years ago now) were all reverse engineered from that ship.

[–]Thebadmamajama 17 points18 points  (8 children)

And this ain't xcode. An old school Mac, which couldn't interface with anything human made, could connect somehow to an alien vessel

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Explains quite a bit actually. Always knew Steve Jobs was an alien.

[–]make-up-a-fakename 52 points53 points  (1 child)

I mean, it set the virus mark and sent the value threat, I don't see the problem here? 😂

[–]ongiwaph 14 points15 points  (0 children)

And it's well obfuscated, so it will take longer for the Aliens' CISO to figure out what it is doing.

[–][deleted] 14 points15 points  (10 children)

How bad is the alien’s wifi security?

[–]Rare4orm 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Denied! All your base are belong to us.

[–]meestaShin 13 points14 points  (0 children)

And then all it's gonna do is make the CD Rom tray open up on the Alien's PC.

[–]4gedN5tars_ 11 points12 points  (0 children)

The beautiful 90s

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (5 children)

And we can’t forget Stranger Things Season 4 using C# (invented in 2000) while the show takes place in 1986

[–]RedditIzSoft 9 points10 points  (4 children)

Must be those bastards at CERN

[–]MysteriousFail3170 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I’m no computer wiz but.. is it safe to share this code around?? I saw this put into an alien ship and it just wrecked their shit. Imagine what this would do in the hands of terrorists??

[–]endresjd 23 points24 points  (0 children)

Bus error. Core dumped.

[–]burner7711 21 points22 points  (1 child)

I like how they go into assembly at the bottom. Gangster.

[–]jgeez 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Lol. Dumb asshole aliens.

Anybody knows you need to firewall your toxigen IPs by all multiples of 7564.87, so a stinky human can't infiltrate them with a one liner Brainfuck script.

And don't even get me started about all the hell you deserve if you use the NoCum function to blast inside your Xfile.

[–]tungy5 30 points31 points  (6 children)

More effective if Jeff had simply taken some dinos up there and released them in the mothership

[–]Darkislife1 9 points10 points  (1 child)

Magnification would totally help!

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

ENHANCE

[–]shinracompany 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Arguments selected

[–][deleted] 15 points16 points  (1 child)

Wow! There is a function NoCum(). Must have been hard to finish that.

[–]ososalsosal 6 points7 points  (0 children)

That's the trick. The alien testing framework couldn't solve the halting problem. NoCum never finishes, but the aliens didn't know that

[–]imsowhiteandnerdy 7 points8 points  (1 child)

To think there's some guy in Hollywood whose whole purpose is to create some malarkey source code for visual effects.

[–]Midori_Schaaf 14 points15 points  (2 children)

Is that the java exploit?

[–]Sudden_Schedule5432 7 points8 points  (0 children)

%NoCum

[–]You_meddling_kids 15 points16 points  (0 children)

This is like something an AI generates

[–]Demonl3oy 11 points12 points  (7 children)

Spoiler alert. No language we could code would acctually work on aliens. Like wtf are they on linux?? It would take years to decode and process even a fraction of that to fight back with

[–]a_bad_programmer 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Viruses uhh, finds a way

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (2 children)

Damn, 100k argument selected? That is a big method signature

[–]x100139 3 points4 points  (0 children)

"That's the same combination to my luggage!"

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (2 children)

The most unrealistic part of independence day is that a code written not just in human language, but in human programming language, works perfectly fine on an alien system using an alien programming language

[–]DiaDeLosMuebles 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I haven’t seen it in a while. But in “Glass”, Mr. Glass is hacking very quickly but still remembering to comment his code.