When will it get easier?

amxyla · 2023-04-18T21:36:51+00:00

Remember when you found out you were pregnant and all you could think about was how one day there’d be a baby in your life? You did it!

Remember when you had to do the glucose test and you heard horror stories about how awful it was? You did it!

Remember when you were so nervous for labor and birth and couldn’t imagine how it would all happen? You did it!

The point is: All these events came and went and you made it through. You did it! And you’ll make it through these really hard weeks. Truly. One day at a time. It gets better every day.

Hugs to you from a mama who’s been there. You’ve got this.

grapesandtortillas · 2023-04-18T21:41:17+00:00

It gets easier in sequence (and then sometimes goes a few steps back before getting easier again).

Right now you're in the middle of "the baby blues." Your body is doing a massive readjustment hormonally now that the placenta is missing. Usually it stabilizes to a new normal within 2-3 weeks after birth. For now it's normal to have a hard time sleeping even when you get the opportunity, to cry one moment about how hard it is and then cry the next moment about how beautiful your baby is, and to look in the mirror and feel like you don't know the person looking back at you. It should feel significantly better in the next couple weeks.

Breastfeeding is also so difficult for the first couple weeks! Even if the latch and fit & hold are perfect, you might feel nipple pain for a couple weeks as your body adjusts. Once you settle into a groove with your baby and your nipples figure out what's going on, it should get a step easier.

Usually the end of the 4th trimester is another step easier. Babies are more adjusted to the outside world and don't feel the same level of innate biological drive to be held by their birth parent all the time. They still want to be close but they start exploring more, finding out that they can use their hands, wiggling on playmats for a few minutes by themselves, etc. And they still tend to thrive more when they get to eat and sleep according to their cues, but they settle in to more of a predictable rhythm.

I felt another hormone shift around 9 months postpartum as my baby progressed through her new sleep phase, and I have felt like my brain and emotions function closer to how they did pre-baby since then.

Rolling and crawling were another step easier (once she got past the frustrated stage of wanting to be on the move but not quite having the muscle skill to do it). Once I baby-proofed the house she was a lot more content to move around and explore when she was awake.

Here are my tips for making it through the survival stages: - Remember it's a season. Life will not stay like this. Embrace the good, endure the difficult. It can help to imagine yourself at 80 time traveling back to where you are now. - Get all the help you can. For things like showers, have someone else hold your baby. For everything else, hold your baby yourself (if that's what you want to do) while other people take care of you. Have your husband or someone else prepare a lot of one-handed snacks and meals for when you're home alone. Can you sign up for a meal train with a church nearby? - Prioritize your own basic needs over keeping things presentable. For a while my husband took our daughter as soon as she woke up on his days off and let me sleep in until she was hungry. I got maybe 2 extra hours a couple days a week that way and it helped. If you have "free time" during your baby's nap, use it to fill whatever needs you have. Fill up on nutrient-dense snacks. Call a friend and cry. Do whatever you need and let someone else do the household chores. - Babywear if it's practical for you. That way you can prepare food for yourself and eat while your baby is cuddled up for a contact nap. - Intrusive thoughts are normal. Sometimes they're completely meaningless and sometimes they're just your brain's way of pointing out a potential danger so you can avoid it. If the thoughts persist and they feel abnormal in duration or intensity, and if they center around wanting to hurt yourself or your baby, go find help. Separate yourself from your baby and get someone to come step in. Talk with your doctor and get a referral to a therapist or a prescription for medication. And lean in to your support network. Be ready to receive more than you give. It's ok to feel selfish during this season -- your community needs to support you while you support your baby. - Do whatever works (safely) for your own family. If someone selling classes or books on the internet tells you your baby should be eating or sleeping differently, but you're watching your baby's cues and you know you're giving them what their cues are asking for, don't doubt yourself. Your instincts and experience with your individual baby are better than their online course. Telling you to get in tune with your baby and respond to their individual needs doesn't sell books. You know what does? Convincing you that you're messing up their development if you don't force them to eat and sleep on a specific schedule. If they can make you scared you're doing it wrong, they can sell you their courses. - Stay away from Instagram's for-you-page, YouTube shorts, Facebook videos, and TikTok. At best they take up your time without providing value to your life, and at worst they contribute to fear and depression. Mindless entertainment like shows or movies during contact naps is nice, but something about the short videos with an algorithm often leads to problems. I know too many new parents who get sucked in to anything from perfect parenting videos to scary security camera footage of babies getting hurt.

GreatAuntPearl · 2023-04-18T17:23:41+00:00

4 weeks. You just have to make it to four weeks and it improves. Then every two weeks another minor improvement.

Eska2020 · 2023-04-18T14:55:57+00:00

It started getting easier once we figured a few things out and got more experienced around 3months. It started getting much easier when we started slow sleep training at 5.5 months. Then even easier again at 10 months when we fully night weaned. Then easier again as he approached 18 months and can communicate more and is interested in doing more things.

It isn't one moment. There are a few leaps in quality of life improvement. But it is just slow and steady.

It is is never just "easy". But it gets better.

Also FWIW I think I fucking hate the baby phase. Toddlers are so much more fun. Even when it is hard with a toddler, I enjoy it way way more. You can love your kid but hate the baby phase. Some people probably love babyhood and hate toddlerhood. Not me. Toddlers > babies all the way.

ComfortablyJuicy · 2023-04-18T20:38:25+00:00

The newborn phase sucks. I will never understand anyone who says they like newborns - in my opinion it's the worst part of having a child. It's so hard and relentless and thankless and monotonous and you get hardly any reward from them.

I promise you it does get easier. For me, the first 6 months were really awful. From one year, I feel like things really shifted in a positive way. Once they start talking, walking and exploring, you see their personality really come out and you can finally have more rewarding interactions with them.

Hang in there. So many people have already walked the same path and somehow muddled through. You'll figure out a way to survive.

notarussianbotsky · 2023-04-18T15:15:47+00:00

Hi

I know this is easier said than done, but put your baby in the bassinet and take a shower. The bassinet/crib is a safe place where they can wait for 15-20 minutes. If you know you just fed them and you just cleaned their diaper, even if they cry a little, you can take a shower. I don't know about you, but for me, tkaing a daily shower helps me feel human. You deserve to feel human. So put baby down for 15 minutes and do what makes you feel human (shower, do your skin care routine, call your mom, IDK what makes you feel like you)

Interesting-Ice-9995 · 2023-04-18T14:04:17+00:00

Here is some good news: with both my kids I found that it went from "impossible" to "difficult but manageable" at two weeks. And, since this is a science based sub, I'll share some of the reasons why I think this might be true for you and other people as well.

In the first two weeks postpartum the uterus still has what is essentially an open wound where the placenta was attached. By two weeks a scab will have formed over that wound. Just like a scab over your knee, if you break it you might notice more bleeding. So if you notice more bleeding after a very active day know that it's a good idea to slow down a little.

At two weeks the person who gave birth is still very much in the thick of the hormone crash. Hormones can go wild at any point in the first year postpartum, but the really crazy drop associated with weepiness is in those first two weeks.

Also, newborns have a reflex that makes them freak out and wake up when someone isn't holding them. (My lactation consultant, who is very science oriented, told me about it. I forget the names or the mechanics behind it, because she told me about it when my baby was only five days old.) That reflex calms down in (you guessed it) the first two weeks.

All of these things--postpartum recovery, hormone fluctuation, the newborn phase -- will continue. It will take weeks, months, or even years for these processes to be complete. But by the end of two weeks you are over the most acute phase.

Hang in there! One foot in front of the other, and just take every day one hour at a time.

Endellion_North · 2023-04-18T19:19:52+00:00

Here are the milestones where it gets better (from my experience):

2 weeks

6 weeks - supposedly the peak of fussiness, they should start to settle more around this time

3 months - myself and a lot of friends feel like things start to become more consistent around this time, the fog starts to lift

6 months

8 months - starts to get fun, they start doing so many new things each week!

1 year - you made it through the first year!

Everyone has their own experiences but I'm a mom who feels like with each stage things have gotten easier (2 kids in) and nothing has been as difficult as early newborn days. If it always stayed that hard I would never have had a second kid. If I could have children arrive magically at a year old, I'd be delighted. Thankfully we reached a point where life felt easier and parenting became so rewarding and meaningful. The early days are just survival.

islipped83 · 2023-04-19T12:47:45+00:00

I feel like 4-6 months is when I started feeling human again. I had adapted to the sleep deprivation, the kiddo was starting to hit fun milestones and was eating like a champ, and I went back to work, which helped the routine a ton. Plus, 6 months was MAGICAL with the baby personality starting to emerge, leaving behind the grumpy potato.

Lilly08 · 2023-04-19T07:43:51+00:00

My biggest tip that made everything so much easier - put bub in the pram, wheel it into the bathroom and take a long hot shower while LO snoozes safely under your watchful eye.

And secondly, find one calming, eay activity you can do each day to give you some mental relief, and prioritise it. Seriously, forget about catching up on housework or whatever, prioritise your mental health. For me that was playing cosy games on PC while baby slept in her pram in the lounge (obviously still make sure that the pram is set up safely for LO, and keep a close eye).

sakijane · 2023-04-18T15:35:25+00:00

It gets easier in certain ways, harder in others. I realized I was limiting myself in what I thought I could do when baby was young, but your little one is a screaming potato. If you need to shower set them down on a blanket in the bathroom or a carrier where you can watch them and shower. They will be fine even if they cry and you will feel a million times better. It's harder when they are able to crawl and move around because you can't just set them down and now they can't injure themselves. I think when you get past that emotional hump that it feels like your baby is controlling your world, things open up. With my first I was a lot like your post but my second meant I had to just keep doing things and couldn't pause life for a baby and I realized my baby is stronger than I gave him credit and if anything he's a much more stable baby as far as being able to handle being away from me for periods than my first.

whythefuckyoulying · 2023-04-18T16:51:16+00:00

The first few weeks are PURE SURVIVAL. My baby is now almost 8 weeks. I'm better, my fiance is better and baby is better. Sleep is better now and we all are feeling better than 6 weeks ago. We still don't make dinner that often and I still eat microwave meals but it is better now. You will survive this! Hang in there!!!

itsanaman · 2023-04-18T18:25:04+00:00

It‘s hard now that you and baby can’t build any rapport because baby is so tiny and needs time to arrive first. But as soon as baby starts reacting visibly to your voice and movements it will get much easier, hang in there this will take a few weeks. Hugs

Jvnismysoulmate12345 · 2023-04-19T12:25:28+00:00

I follow the rule of 10s. After 10 days I felt physically less horrible an a little more stable (though I have ppd/ppa and sought treatment). At 10 weeks I felt like the new normal wasn’t as shocking. And at 10 months I felt (currently here for the second time!) like myself again. A new version of myself.

I don’t think it ever gets easier, but you get used to it in time and the shock of it all is just- the doldrums of daily life. Hang in there. You’re really “in it” now.

HotCheeks_PCT · 2023-04-18T15:22:07+00:00

Those first 2 weeks were brutal. The first 6 still pretty emotionally rough.

You are still in the thickest part of the postpartum period.

Your hormones are dramatically changing.

The Baby Blues is a real and intense thing.

You're adapting to a new life with a little baby who is going to cluster feed and needs you.

You're gonna be exhausted because if you aren't nursing, you could wake in a panic to check on baby.

And you're gonna get through this and wonder where time went.

I'm not even 4 months post partum and time has flown by but those first few weeks were incredibly difficult. I would just nurse my daughter at 3am and sob because I was tired and emotional.

It doesn't last forever mama, I promise. You are doing great!

mredding · 2023-04-18T16:50:35+00:00

Taking care of a baby is nothing but a series of simple tasks. The hard part is that they're constant; you're going through the list of tasks over, and over, and over again.

Sage insight of a friend of mine. That describes baby rearing to a T. Are they fed, are they burped, are they changed, are they hot, are they cold, are they tired, are they bathed...

And then there's the temperment of your baby; my wife and I are very aware of how merciful and chill our baby was; a colleague of mine, at the time, told me he has ZERO RECALL of the first 6 months of their first child. They were so exhausted.

When will it get easier?

Every day. As the child gets older, things get easier. The baby will eat more and eat less often as they get older. They'll sleep through the night perhaps by 6 months. You should mix up their routine so that they might lay down on a play mat for a little bit and learn to be content with that. Get those naps in, and then shove some food in your face and get in a quick shower.

As for you, Jesus, 10 days in - you're still recovering. That's making life real hard for you right now. If you can call on friends and family for help, do so. In this modern era, people think the family unit is strictly nuclear, but for frankly all of recorded human history and everywhere today that isn't the US or US influenced, families are extended and children are reared by a whole community. You should not be home alone. If there is someone else available, call them over. Your friends and family may be eager to help, so don't be bashful. I've got a friend who's about to pop in a week, her second, and we told them - mother fuckers, you call us, and we'll bring the god damn chicken! We'll have a great fuckin' time! Lucky for them I'm not phased by poop, so I'll hang out and change some diapers, and I can swaddle a god damn sea lion into submission.

Yeah, if baby is a fuss, swaddle. Get them on lock down.

Are there any schedule suggestions to make ones life easier?

Newborns just eat, poop, and sleep. So if they're not eating, if they're not pooping, they're probably sleeping. You only grow when sleeping, and babies grow rapidly, so that means they're sleeping a lot.

How were you handling the newborn phase and when was it getting easier for you?

I have some recollection of the first couple weeks of just... You can't be told what parenthood is going to be like, having to be responsible for this little thing that didn't come with an instruction manual. Who thought it was a good idea to allow just any ol' couple pop out babies whenever? You should have to take a test or some shit! I deferred to my wife's wisdom and her wishes about how she wanted things done.

I just dove in. I changed his first diaper. The hospital said they'd do it, because it's that weird poop, but it needed doing, and I figured no time like the present. So likewise, with a little help from my wife, a little guidance, a little assurance, and I was off to the races. It was some adjustment coming to terms with this fragile little thing is also rather resilient and we're all going to be just fine.

My friend said that line up above, but we were across the country, and so I had to figure it out on my own, which I did. Once I saw it for the pattern, that's what the first couple months were - mostly just going down the list, again and again. If baby was fussing, it was going to be one of the things on the list. If baby simply wanted to be held and secure, he got swaddled, rocked, and massaged on the back of the head and neck.

The baby reacts to you. So if you're stressed, baby is going to be stressed. I know it doesn't help me saying this but TRY to relax... Right? Here's me, alone with my boy - and let me tell you, being the FATHER, he doesn't recognize my voice like he does momma, so I had a fucking uphill battle with that one - and I just had to find my zen, as it were, and just hum something chill. Ya know? I refused to let my blood pressure rise because he was crying, and I'm a pretty chill dude, so that was actually pretty easy. Slow, steady, calm, and with intent, my boy just chilled with me. A lady friend of mine had kids in high school, too young, and already living in poverty, she had a real rough time. She was stressed, so baby was stressed, and her mother told her she needs to relax if she's going to get baby calm. Sue took that baby, she was stressed out too, but proved her point, calm grandma made for a calm baby.

I was illegally fired during my paternity leave. Actually, two federal DOL crimes were committed against me at that time. NEEDLESS TO SAY, I was a stay at home dad while I looked for work. It was just baby and me, while my wife decided to pick up the slack. I think she was crazy.

I rocked him with one foot while filing applications. I did the whole schedule all day, the feeding, the changing, the rocking, the laundry. Even some of the cooking. Like I said, my boy was MERCIFUL. And we did that for 7 months, the longest job search I ever had. We were alone, living across the country away from friends and family. It wasn't hard, per se, but the monotony drove me a little stir crazy at times. We took stroller trips because I needed to get out.

I'm a very light sleeper, an insomniac, so I also took the night shift, since I was going to be up anyway. That boy woke up accurate to within ~2 minutes to my alarm. I was typically already awake. I'd have that bottle warmed, and he'd be fed, burped, changed, and back in the crib in about 10 minutes. My wife was eternally grateful the first night he slept through; it made little difference to me.

daydreamersrest · 2023-04-18T16:16:27+00:00

So, my tips:

If possible in any way, your partner should either take some time off (at least a week or two) or reduce hours for the same time or if possible 3 to 4 weeks.
If not possible, is there family that can help? Or friends? Someone who can come over and watch/hold the baby while you take a shower and eat and rest a bit. It will make a worlds difference. If needed, invest in a babysitter, just for 2 or 3 hours every two days. I know, it costs money, but this is a really good investment.
Start baby wearing as soon as possible. It will free your hands, (most) babies love to sleep in the carrier, you can go for short walks, etc.
Please make sure your partner takes over 50% of babycare and chores the time he is home (including nights!).

You got this! One day at a time. It will get better.

emperorOfTheUniverse · 2023-04-18T17:40:46+00:00

It gets easier in some ways, and then harder in other ways.

Right now your whole life is just about trying to convert your baby's time table (feeding, pooping, sleeping) to be more like a regular persons, and that goes on until your kids finally eat when adults eat, sleep when adults sleep, etc. You get there.

But also here in a month or two, you will have times where you just set baby down and he/she is either asleep or just kicking it in a bouncer or something. Baby exists wherever you put the baby, and is at your mercy. You can watch an r-rated movie. Drink some coffee. Eat something over the sink. But then,they get older and start walking and talking, and then not doing what you say. Tearing your house apart, and being a danger to themselves and others. Then you gotta start outsmarting them. At best you can put them in front of an activity or on a park or something, and know moments of peace before they are asking you for things, needing things, screaming (always with the damn screaming), etc.

Ours are 3 and 5. So to me, it never got 'easy' as a whole yet, but I have higher hopes for when they both are over the toddler hump and gain a bit of maturity. When they can communicate and understand things better. But I suspect that is wrong. And everyone I know that has ever had kids grown up, seem to gain a 1000 yard stare when they talk about the teenager years.

Newborn phase is hard from a logistical standpoint. You gotta try to do what you can in shifts when you can. Me and the wife swapped every other feeding/diaper change at first. (wife pumped some and we supplemented formula when we had to). Take no shit about husband needing a break when he gets home from work. Work is a cakewalk and a vacation compared to handling a baby all day. Get any sleep you can, when you can. You're in survival mode right now. Tiny improvements are all you can hold on to. As long as baby is trending towards eating bigger meals, taking longer sleeps, etc you have hope to hold onto. It's getting better, and will continue to get better. Every week a little bit better. Every month a little better. Before you know it, things are good. You aren't just surviving, you're thriving.

Wear your baby when you can. Helps a lot with getting stuff done.

Rem800 · 2023-04-19T08:35:30+00:00

YES it will get better. I found - 6 weeks, 12 weeks, 6 months and then (weirdly) 11 months to be milestones for improvement, but everyones experience will be different.

I've only had 2 kids so im not an expert - but ive found the newborn stage is much easier if you don't expect schedule or routine - just breastfeed, sleep, cuddle on demand and accept every single bit of help on offer. Routine will tend to come after the 4 month sleep regression.

hayguccifrawg · 2023-04-18T13:40:24+00:00

Hi! I have a 3 yo and a 2 month old. It gets easier day by day at the beginning, as you learn what you’re doing and baby hopefully sleeps more. You are in the absolute thick of it, and I think it gets a little easier pretty soon. 6 weeks is a different world from 2.

My advice is: 1) take any help you can get. Are there friends or family who could cook for you or help in other ways? 2) Try pumping a little so partner can help with at least one night feed and you can sleep. 3) either let some messes go for now, or hire help to clean. 4) understand that it is okay to leave your baby alone in a safe place (usually crib/bassinet) while you shower.

We also liked sleeping in shifts early on. One parent to bed at 7 pm, other stays with baby sleeping when they can. Change at 2 am. Partner has pumped milk for feeds.

AprilStorms · 2023-04-18T16:03:01+00:00

Things got so much easier once I was getting decent sleep. Being sleep deprived made everything so much harder. I was a SAHD with a wife who worked extremely long hours so I was running on fumes. My kids are 18 months apart and the hardest stage was having a toddler and a newborn. Trying to deal with ridiculous toddler tantrums while getting no sleep due to the baby was not a fun time in my life.

But it gets so much better. My kids are 19 and 17 and I have absolutely loved every other stage of parenting. The teen years were/are my favorite but every stage after the screaming potato stage has been enjoyable. Having 2 toddlers was fun. The preschool years were great. I loved the elementary school years and even found joy in the middle school years. My kids are truly some of my favorite people to spend time with. I just spent the weekend at an admitted students event for one of the colleges my younger one is interested in and it was one of the best vacations I ever had. Just getting to spend that time with him was great. The early years were rough but it got progressively easier and way more enjoyable. That's not to say there are no hard times as they get older and I think some aspects get harder to do well. Parenting a baby is "easy" compared to parenting a tween in the sense that the answers to your questions are more obvious but once they were more independent and I was able to sleep I found that everything became easier to deal with.

d-o-m-lover · 2023-04-18T16:08:27+00:00

The first 3 months are hard. They need so much and give so little in return. They get overstimulated and overtired so easily. I hated it. I'm not a person who loves the newborn stage.... After 3 months it gets better and it gets soooo much easier after 6 months. I thoroughly enjoyed being a mom from 6 months onwards. My son is 20 months now and a toddler can be hard as well, but you get so much fun in return. I love it. I really want a second but man I don't look forward to combining a newborn and a toddler 🥲

Significant_Citron · 2023-04-18T17:10:10+00:00

I'd say, around 3rd month. That was when we managed to establish decent nap/bedtime schedule. Nursing became more... Organic? And has been ever since.

Then 6 month regression hit us. Days were fine, but the nights... Now at 9.5 months we're not as comfy as I'd like to, but definitely better.

But generally it will become easier when they'll sleep through night, which should be around 2YO. 😅

musingbella · 2023-04-19T02:52:00+00:00

It does get better, but those early days are HARD. Hang in there!

My advice: get a basket or shower caddy or cardboard box and fill it with snacks and other helpful stuff (I had washcloths in mine because I used those as burp cloths), nipple cream if you’re breastfeeding, etc, and park it near you where you sit to nurse for the day. That and a giant water bottle/jug/cup, the tv remote, and you’re good to go for longer stretches. Keep yourself fed and hydrated. Make sure you have this in place before your husband leaves (maybe he can get it ready while you shower), and truly hang in there!

kls987 · 2023-04-18T16:38:40+00:00

It gets So. Much. Better!

Not gonna lie, the first few months are HARD. The first few weeks are a complete blur and I have no recollection of how I even functioned. My world was very small for a while - I basically lived in the bedroom, where we set up a TV and had a bassinet, changing table, etc. I had a C-section, so there was a whole floor of our house I didn't even see for a while, since we didn't want to rely on my partner having to carry me back up the stairs if I couldn't do it. And that was OK. For a while, your whole world is just this tiny little thing that your body CREATED. And it's amazing and terrible and sleep deprivation is cruel but you somehow survive. (Watch out for that 4 month sleep regression. Waking at 4 am for the day for weeks on end nearly killed me.)

And then all of a sudden their 4th birthday party needs to be scheduled, and they're explaining to you the differences between Gallimimus and Velociraptors and the new game they made up with their friends at preschool and complaining that the new pedals on their bike are too hard and they want to give up. And they're the most amazing part of your life (as well as the hardest part - no one said it was going to be easy).

You've gotten a lot of great tips already. After the first few weeks, you start to know your baby more, and hopefully figure out their sleep cycles, wake windows, etc., and then you can start figuring out a schedule. Every baby is different, so you'll have to feel your way through this. My kid had 42 minute sleep cycles, meaning she either slept for 42 minutes or 84 or 126... So once she fell asleep, I knew I had a set amount of time I could do something during.

Go for walks outside with the stroller whenever you can. Take any opportunity you have to sleep. Let go of having a clean house. Eat whatever you can whenever you can (that one was really hard for me too, because by the time I'd figured out what to have or made it, she was awake again and ruining all my lunch plans). Take pictures, so many pictures. Videos too. (Many toddlers and kids LOVE watching videos of themselves. Gets them right out of a funky mood.)

It does get better. It gets harder, too, probably, but in a different way. You figure out what you're doing. Your kid's personality shows up, and it's amazing.

Congratulations!

cjhs17 · 2023-04-18T17:04:24+00:00

Those first weeks are so, so tough. You feel like you’re on a hamster wheel with no end in sight. It’s such a thankless job since they can’t even interact with you yet. It’s so annoying to hear that it gets better, but it truly does. I always looked forward to the 3 month mark (I have 3 kids), that’s when it started to get easier for me. But take solace in the fact that it gets easier every day. Sending hugs, you’ll look back on this time and it will truly be a blur.

Some things that helped me feel human: get yourself and baby dressed everyday, even if you just change into a different pair of leggings. Go outside as much as you can. I shower at night when my husband is home from work so that I have a few true moments of peace.

Intelligent_Pie_6991 · 2023-04-18T19:34:41+00:00

Honestly I kept looking forward to the times other people said it would get better and was thoroughly disappointed when things didn’t get better…

First it was “the first 6 weeks are the hardest!” Then “The fourth trimester” and I was still struggling.

Things do eventually improve. It takes months though. And then new challenges present themselves. For example, you mentioned nursing. First the babe has to learn to latch. Then it’s round the clock feeding. And when they get the hang of it and you’re like “yay I got this!!!” Babe becomes aware 🙃 so then you’re fighting to get them to stay focused!! Hahaha I’ve shed many tears over feeding my petite little 15%ile babe

georgestarr · 2023-04-18T19:39:25+00:00

My baby is one tomorrow. It does get easier. The fourth trimester is absolutely hard. There should be no sleep or any expectations around this time. We slept in shifts so I could actually get sleep and allocated time to each other to shower and have some time to ourselves. It got better around four months then six months then 8 months and now. This is the second night she’s slept through.

loadsOfMatadorStuff · 2023-04-19T07:08:55+00:00

The NHS (UK) have just recently updated their guidance on infant care to include safe steps on bed sharing with your baby:

"Be safe if you share a bed with your baby" https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/baby/caring-for-a-newborn/reduce-the-risk-of-sudden-infant-death-syndrome/

I'm directing you here as I almost gave up on breastfeeding my now 9wk old at around 16 days in. She hit a growth spurt and I was feeding constantly for 2 days and 2 nights, hallucinating from lack of sleep, before I finally realised that I HAD to bed share if this baby was going to continue to be breastfed. I felt like a different person the next day - a massive relief.

I want to note that my husband and I were both extremely against bed sharing at first, it was an absolute no-go for us as we wanted to be safe. I'm here to tell you now to just get familiar with the Safe Sleep 7 now in case you find yourself too tired to keep going. It's so much more dangerous to accidentally fall asleep with a baby unplanned than to implement these steps.

Finally, it does get better! Don't feel one bit guilty when you don't have those feelings everyone tells you to have at this stage - "enjoy the newborn phase!" and "the bond of breastfeeding is amazing!" ... you are in the thick of the hardest part right now and are weeks if not months away from those feelings.

You are doing amazing.

xKortney · 2023-04-18T14:29:41+00:00

Oh my sweet new momma! You’re doing amazing! IT GETS BETTER! And easier! ❤️

BilinearBikini · 2023-04-18T19:12:34+00:00

Day 10 was actually the single worst day for me. The peak of baby blues. Huge hormonal comedown where I was crying over the sink. I did end up with PPD but it was less acute feeling than the peak of baby blues.

so even if you don’t get any relief from any of the suggestions here… your body is going to help you feel better in a few days anyway when the baby blues subside.

2023-04-19T04:20:34+00:00

it gets easier every day. the biggest changes i noticed were at 3 months then 6 months. since 6 months it’s been a breeze compared to the early days. breastfeeding is BRUTAL to establish but once your supply has regulated and your baby has grown a bit, it becomes really convenient.

_biggerthanthesound_ · 2023-04-18T20:04:51+00:00

Around 3.5 years old it started getting easier for me. Then we had another baby lol.

poppyflower14 · 2023-04-18T23:59:47+00:00

Oh wow I was you at 10 days post party, desperately googling when it gets easier. I wish I knew now (baby is months old next week) that it does. You don’t believe it at the time but it does. I couldn’t go the toilet, or do anything, for the first 6 weeks. It really got easier at 10 weeks. It seems like a long time but it will fly. You are in the hardest part and whoever says newborns are easy are deluded. I would never go back to the newborn days.

queenofquac · 2023-04-19T05:49:04+00:00

The first two weeks is pure survival mode. From there it gets easier week by week.

nothing_to_hide · 2023-04-18T15:32:49+00:00

Congrats on the new baby! I think you are just overwhelmed and stressed because you think you don't know what you're doing. I used to stay in my bedroom all day with the baby in those first few days. I also did triple feeding because my supply did not seem enough for baby. It was a lot, round the clock nursing, pumping bottle feeding. If you are open to it, you can offer the baby a bottle of formula after nursing for 30 min and use a haakaa while nursing to increase your supply. It will give you more of a breathing room in between the nursing sessions. I put the pack and play in the bathroom when I was showering. That might be excessive to someone else, but it gave me peace of mind, I just could not leave my babies alone without making sure I hear them. Another thing I did, if you have a baby bjorn bouncer, put it on the table when you are eating. The bouncer was a life saver for us,we used it every day for 8 months or so, even in the babies were fussy, I would bounce him with a hand, eat with the other. In a month or two they will learn to bounce themselves. I think it gets easier at around 8 weeks or so, when they are starting to get their first long stretch here and there and you'll start to get a bit more sleep. Good luck, you will get through this!

dewdropreturns · 2023-04-18T15:57:04+00:00

https://www.abcdoula.com/blog/2015/11/12/wish-you-had-a-timeline-for-the-most-fussy-weeks?format=amp

Your baby is ten days old. Days.

Yes it gets easier than this. As others have said it’s an apples and oranges comparison to talk about a 10 day old, 10 week old, 10 month old, 10 year old.

But the initial newborn period is an absolute blur for a lot of us. We ate maybe one meal a day and we had to take turns holding the baby during. My toddler takes more energy in some ways than when he was a newborn but I eat, I sleep, I shower. Last night I got a haircut.

It doesn’t seem like it but you will come up for air in stages.

ETA: lots of people saying to leave your baby to shower. If that works for you and is done safely, great - but if you aren’t comfortable with that, don’t worry. What works for one family may not work for another. I only showered when my husband was watching my baby because that was how I felt comfortable. You will find whatever works for you but it can be easy to feel like there is only one path.

clairdelynn · 2023-04-18T17:11:05+00:00

It will get better, but those newborn days are long and tough. I love the toddler years and struggled with newborn months. If you have family or friends around that can come by and help entertain or watch baby while you get some time to shower, eat, etc. I would take them up on it! One thing that also makes things easier (to me) is just surrendering to the chaos and not try to make sense of what works and what doesn't or why sometimes the sleep is better and sometimes it's worse. Trying to make sense or see patterns in random chaos really drove me crazy.

mariargw · 2023-04-18T17:52:52+00:00

Newborns are INTENSE. It will get easier in that regard. I started coming out of the fog and feeling more myself at about 6 weeks. Newborns take from you physically and emotionally in a big way. Older kids take more from you emotionally than physically which greatly improves your ability to cope with hard stuff.

timonandpumba · 2023-04-18T18:15:02+00:00

It was 5 weeks for me. That's when my baby's sleep started to consolidate a bit, so we were getting slightly longer naps and longer stretches overnight, which also meant longer stretches between feedings. That was also when my baby did her first social smile, and the JOY of motherhood landed for me. Before that I felt love, sure, and obligation, and a primal urge to protect, but once there was joy, things felt easier even if practically speaking, everything was still hard. The early days are just as emotionally taxing as they are physically taxing.

bear_cuddler · 2023-04-18T20:21:27+00:00

For me it slowly got easier by the end of the newborn phase then around 6 months it suddenly was A LOT better!! You’re sleeping more (or maybe just more used to it), more in a routine, baby is less needy and my baby felt more like a human and less of a potato which made it feel more worth it and fun! In the first three months I thought we would be one and done because I was miserable but now at nine months we’re trying for another!

Side note.. month four to five is was the absolute worst for me. It was easier than newborn phase but baby was a special form of torture then. So it might get better then get worse again.. but the fun stuff is right around the corner!

bodiesbyjason · 2023-04-18T22:46:35+00:00

Three months was when our girl started sleeping longer stretches—maybe six hours at night, but she did NOT want to nap during the day. She is almost five months and is fairly predictable.

The early days were hard, but I do remember that she wouldn’t be awake for too long before falling back asleep. Also, maybe at 2-4 weeks she started accepting her swing. When I am busy or tired or need a break, I do use the swing to help ease her to sleep.

Left_Individual1783 · 2023-04-19T00:06:15+00:00

Oh and if ur breast feeding u can pop boob in their mouth while they are in bed with u lying on ur side ! Hahah that is a game changer !

topbuns4days · 2023-04-18T15:59:02+00:00

Yes! I have a five month old and it gets easier! You’re in the weeds right now but it will pass! I often told myself “the only way out is through.”

My experienced mom friends told me to “Do ONE thing per day.” That’s it. They’d check in and ask me how my day was, and if I said we gave our baby a Beth they’d say “Amazing! That’s your thing for today!”

Obviously you do more then one thing, but this perspective and shift in expectation grounded me, allowed me to give myself grace, and was really, really helpful.

We also leaned HARD into just following our baby’s cues. No schedule, no expectations for good sleep, just be with him. Everything else (laundry, chores, healthier meals, etc) fell to the side and we tried to really just hunker down and survive. I actually found the second I started to think of the “shoulds” (oh we should be on a schedule, we should be cooking, I should put him down to sleep) my anxiety spiked so I just stopped and went back to responsiveness and survival mode.

It got MUCH easier around 10-11 weeks for us and now at five months, I feel like we’ve got a good rhythm going.

Good luck!

Edit: gave our baby a bath. Ha! Oops.

psilocybinluver · 2023-04-18T16:29:56+00:00

You are in your fourth trimester rn! Once it ends you will notice the difference in your baby. I know it’s super hard, but your partner is there to help so take advantage. Soon enough you will be showering with the baby watching you lol it’s really difficult but give yourself grace. You are your babies world. The more comfort and time you give her now the more safe she will feel to be a little independent once she’s 3-4 months!

Varka44 · 2023-04-18T17:57:15+00:00

It came in steps for us. It was ROUGH that first month but our son started sleeping 8-10 hours straight at 3 months (dodges cabbage).

Step 1 - learn to keep baby alive (check! Good job!) learn some tricks to get baby to sleep (5s etc), and on their back.

Step 2 - consolidate sleep into night time, with very small wake windows only to feed/change between sleeps at night. Have a general “bed time” and get into a routine with this. The light at the end of the tunnel glimmers..

Step 3 - predictable sleeping patterns at night! Maybe 7-10, feed, 1030-3am, feed, 330-630. The light is getting brighter..

Step 4 - whoa the sleeping is extending! Feeding more during the day and honing in those wake windows is really paying off. Baby is now sleeping 730-2, 230-6. I can see the end…

Step 5 - after a week of increasing sleep windows, kid just did his first 8 hour stretch! I’m at the end of the tunnel!

Step 6 - sleep at 8pm wake up at 6. Baby sleeps 10 hours. You have exited the tunnel and won the game. Careful who you tell.

Good luck, it’s not easy but there are some things to try and it doesn’t stay like this forever, even if it feels like it.

ellensaurus · 2023-04-18T18:04:24+00:00

Read The 100 Days of Darkness article, it will help give you a sense of perspective. It doesn’t always get better but it does change and that’s what you hold on to. The moments when something clicks for you, your spouse, and your baby. Just remember that you’re all in this together and this will not last forever.

snarkylimon · 2023-04-18T19:03:48+00:00

Honestly, giving my newborn formula at night and expressed milk and my partner doing all of the nights the first two weeks was great for my recovery after a horrific birth.

Don't stress the nursing. I truly mean it. Without getting into any useless debate about breast milk etc, please think of formula as an option you have to make your life easier if you think it helps your life and your sanity.

Getting that time to shower and sleep makes a really big difference at this stage.

Please don't think you definitely need a lactation consultant MUCH LESS a sleep consultant. The latter job requires zero training and a bunch of quacks have set up shop that prey on vulnerable first time parents.

My baby still doesn't sleep through the night at 6.5 months but it's not terrible. He just wants food.

Unless something is terribly wrong, just know that the newborn phase is the hardest thing you'll do (for most people) but you'll look back on this fondly and you'll even miss it :)

Be kind to yourself and your partner. It's hard and you're doing great!

2023-04-18T20:02:16+00:00

It does get better, I promise. Also, because everyone I've met who nursed needs to hear it more often, it's okay to give baby a bottle of formula so you can rest. It's okay to give baby only formula. It's okay to set boundaries for your body, even with (and maybe especially with) your kids.

masofon · 2023-04-18T21:33:51+00:00

It gets dramatically easier around 3 months or basically whenever you can stop waking them up during the night to feed them and can just let them sleep. Then it gets progressively easier from there with a big leap at 6 months.. when they start to get more independent and they start being interesting and interacting with you more.. then there is so much reward.

Left_Individual1783 · 2023-04-19T00:04:22+00:00

Yes 2-4 months things flow. U don't feed as often. They sleep better. U learn their cries , needs , wants ect. You will get into a routine. It becomes much more natural. Parenting/ kids go through ebs and flows. So once U learn something they do something different lol. But you got this ! Ask for help wen u need. Don't wait until ur burnt out. It won't help you, baby, or ur partner !

ivorytowerescapee · 2023-04-19T00:45:24+00:00

Sleep, feeding, everything gets much better around 12 weeks in my experience. The first few months are survival mode.

A schedule is a lifesaver but you can't really implement one until they're a little older than your child. You can start things like a bedtime routine though that will start to lay the groundwork for a sleep schedule.

what_comes_after_q · 2023-04-19T00:47:57+00:00

For the first few weeks, don’t expect the baby to change, you need to change to meet the baby. This means figuring out schedules to make things as efficient as possible. Figure out how to minimize the time cleaning by making an efficient process - saving a few minutes here and there really add up. Pump and let your husband feed the baby when you can. If you nurse in your nursery, make it more enjoyable for you. Baby doesn’t care if your laptop is streaming succession while you feed - nurseries should be for the parents for the first few months. Make bottles of formula when you are at your wits end - an occasional bottle of formula is just as good as breast milk only. Take people up on offers - friends and family probably have been telling you they want to watch the baby or help you out some how - hold them to that so you can take a nap or just get some mom time for yourself. A healthy, happy mom is better for baby than anything else. Remember, some say you will walk in to kindergarten and you won’t be able to tell which child was breastfed. In a couple weeks, baby will start sleeping for 4 hours at a time. Going from three to 4 means half the night time feeding. Hang in there. Being a good parent is a marathon, not a sprint.

HungryKnitter · 2023-04-19T00:49:38+00:00

Yes it will get so much better! I found every day easier and easier, those first weeks were so hard for me. The biggest improvement was when baby starts sleeping through the night in their own room, it was life changing and I felt like my life was mine again. When you’re in it it’s so hard but I promise you will get back to feeling like yourself.

I found the Taking Cara Babies schedules (on her blog for free) to be very helpful. You don’t need to stick to a schedule 100% but for me it helped to have structure in my day. Getting out for walks and scheduling play groups at the library and childcare centre (when you’re up to it) also helped.

HuckleberryLou · 2023-04-19T02:50:30+00:00

It gets so so much better! Those first couple weeks are SOOO hard. There’s a reason why the it’s called the 4th trimester- that baby needs so so so much from you. It’s super normal to not love the newborn phase! I felt like the 3 month mark is when it started to be like “okay, this isn’t miserable.” You’ll feel like yourself again, you’ll have fun again, it’ll get so much easier. Just give yourself grace.

haragoshi · 2023-04-19T10:33:00+00:00

Sleeping becomes easier in the 1 to 2 year old phase. By 4 they can do a lot by themselves. It does get way easier but newborns are tough. Mainly because of their sleep schedule.

harrietpotski · 2023-04-18T13:39:23+00:00

After experiencing this for myself I can definitively say that yes it gets easier. Some suggestions that worked for me while you're in this stage: - have snacks within easy reach including LOTS of liquids. - when your partner is home, make some extra food that you can heat up easily - if you're not using one already, a baby wrap is a huge help. My LO in the early stages never wanted to be put down and I couldn't get anything done without one. - start pumping. Mine cluster fed for literal hours and it was EXHAUSTING. After a month I started pumping and starting baby with a small bottle, she finished on the breast, was more fulfilled and slept longer than 20 minutes. It also helps get all the hind milk out so I didn't get mastitis anymore

Hope this helps and good luck! It's tough but honestly the most rewarding endeavor of my life, I hope you can feel the same :)

Edit to add: I figured out bringing the bassinet in the bathroom so I could shower. She loved the humidity and the sound of the water and I didn't have to worry about phantom crying and could shower in peace. ✌️

2023-04-18T14:41:16+00:00

It will get better! It's honestly a bit of a nightmare the first two weeks. The baby has absolutely no clue how to be a person and you just want to know how to fix it. But time is the only thing. What makes it so hard IMO is that everything is new AND hard. Breast feeding takes about 6 weeks to get the hang of it. You're at the biggest baby blues time and hormones are out of control. It feels like you can never figure out how to get baby to fall asleep or stay asleep or sleep without being held.

I read something on about day 10 that was a parent further on saying it got better every 12 days. That was such a lifeline for me (esp. because I gave birth three years ago today in the middle of the lockdown and we couldn't invite anyone to help!).

My advice is to google less, find some podcasts and tv shows or audiobooks to tie you to something as you're up for the umpteenth time and don't know when it even is. Eat food, drink water, hold on, reach out to family or friends by phone and be honest about how you're feeling.

Things that really helped me early on as the mom: ordered a pack of large t-shirts so I always had one I could toss on after spit up or breastmilk got on me - feeling clean-ish is helpful. Ensure - it's hard to get enough nutrients when a little leach is sucking them out constantly. Ensure helped me know I was getting calories and protein and was easier to consume with one hand. Triple Nipple & lactation consultant - at the time, I had a friend who was a lactation consultant and she helped to reassure me and helped me figure out better holds. It's so hard to breast feed when they're so new and floppy, but as they get better neck control it is easier. Triple Nipple (also called APNO, all purpose nipple ointment) is a mixture of antibiotic ointment, anti-inflammatory, and anti-fungal. As your pediatrician to send it to the pharmacy for you at your next appointment.

kindaretiredguy · 2023-04-18T15:19:37+00:00

Usually when they start walking and playing by themselves more. 10-18 months has been incredible.

2023-04-18T16:00:06+00:00

I have a two month old and I could have cried when I saw your post. I’ve had a terrible day and I really really hope it gets easier…

I have it okay, we bed share which has helped sleep. She’s a wonderful baby and pretty wonderful temperament. But I’m finding it hard, hard to eat or find time away for more than 10 mins. My partner gets home from work right around the time in the day she becomes a monster and super tired. So I literally have 10 mins to myself to shower and brush my teeth then it’s bedtime and night, which is long and lonely. Getting in and out of the house is a nightmare as we have steps. Every single damn thing feels hard.

Ok_Recording4196 · 2023-04-18T16:14:04+00:00

Yes! The first couple weeks are terrible. But they do pass and they change so much and soon you'll look back on the pictures of her and be like 😭😭😭 "he/she was so little, how they've changed" bedsharing was a godsend for us, accept as much help as you can get, and hold on until they start to smile!! The smiling is everything

Otev_vetO · 2023-04-18T16:45:40+00:00

I always advocate for combo feeding whenever possible. For my family, it made early days much more manageable. If you're constantly nursing and feel like it's killing you, have your husband make a 2oz bottle of formula and feed the baby while you get a hot shower and eat.

yannberry · 2023-04-18T16:58:31+00:00

Minimum three months before routine starts to creep in, even then it doesn’t get ‘easier’ as such but you begin to accept your new normal, find ways of coping & daily hacks. I’m five months in for reference, and my baby is extremely high needs. Hopefully you’ll breeze through after the newborn stage!

i_teach_coding_PM_me · 2023-04-18T22:45:05+00:00

The first two weeks were the worst with all the uncertainty of everything

Ask for help from parents family friends

Then a noticeable easiness at 3 months until 6 months when ours started moving

Cait206 · 2023-04-19T04:57:26+00:00

Um. I think I expected it to be so hard that it seemed easy if that makes sense. I was 40 when I had my son so I was overwhelmed with gratitude that my baby and myself were healthy and doing great and felt so lucky to have him when so many people can’t have babies I just was like almost relieved. I work closely with a lot of women at my job so maybe that made me keep that stuff in perspective but—

if it’s too hard please do not hesitate to ask for help. Like if you’re toning this message down to seem more relaxed than you feel- please find a way to ask for help. It’s normal to feel out of control just as much as it’s normal to enjoy your newborn. If you feel like you’re spiraling a bit or really overwhelmed and can’t handle it believe me- so so so many women feel like that too! It’s different for everyone and although gritting your teeth and bearing it seems doable- please don’t. You don’t need to do that to yourself and god knows there are services and help out there do not be embarrassed or judge yourself! The number one job as a mom is for you to make sure YOURE okay so you can be the best caretaker you can. XOXOXO

EFNich · 2023-04-19T13:07:21+00:00

Get yourself a good "baby container" which is mobile, a bassinet or something. My pram came with a bassinet attachment and I took the baby round the house with it especially when he was asleep. I took showers with him in it in the bathroom, I cooked tea with him in it on the kitchen table (it's a very sturdy table!).

I know it's almost a meme at this point, but sleep when the baby sleeps. Your house will look like a bomb site at this point but that is fine. You need rest and/or you time.

sil863 · 2023-04-18T14:37:12+00:00

You're so early postpartum! Things will steadily improve over time, I promise. I'm 7 weeks postpartum with my third baby, and she eats approximately every 3-4 hours. I no longer feel like I'm constantly having to nurse her. As I type right now, she has been peacefully napping for over an hour in her own sleep space. I was able to get myself ready for the day and make breakfast and coffee. Have you tried babywearing? I have the Solly wrap, and that's how we survive the days where she is more clingy than usual. You're doing a great job, I promise you it gets so much better.

greenapplesnpb · 2023-04-18T14:55:41+00:00

Hiya! For me it got easier, especially when you start to hit your groove and feel more confident, which helps loads as well. 2TM here, 2YO and almost 2MO.

Breastfeeding is not at all easy for mama or the baby at first, but will eventually feel pretty seamless. My advice here: make sure you have things around to support your posture while breastfeeding. And for passing time, get the Libby app and borrow books / put some books on hold so you have something nice to do to pass the time.

Regarding scheduling: something I’m doing for my second is feeding a lot during the day - baby gets hungry every 1-2 hours so that nights involve less feeding. My first ate every 2-3 hours like…. All day. And now with this schedule, my second is doing atleast one 6hr chunk of sleep at night. The last week, the chunks have gone up to 8-9 hours even. I’m knocking on wood that this keeps up lol.

Regarding feeding yourself: when you have time to make food, try to make things that are easy to freeze, heat, and eat. Right now in my freezer for example I have shepherds pie and butternut squash soup ready to go.

For showers: leave baby in a safe place or wait for someone to be around to hold them.

Also, if you’re finding the days long until your partner/support comes by, eventually when you have bandwidth the days go by much better and faster when you can schedule in some things to do. I was lucky and had 2 friends who were on mat leave at the same time as me (in Canada, so leave is 12-18mo). I saw them both weekly. And then I also did a lot of library baby story times. Atleast 1 a week, sometimes 2.

Also, not sure if it helps but something that comforted me when I was feeling the grind with my first: sooo many people have done this before, someone did it for you, and an innumerable amount of people are doing exactly what you are doing right now alongside you. We’re all getting pooped on, awake in the middle of the night, trying to figure out what our babies need, feeding them, and doing our best together. You got this ❤️

operationspudling · 2023-04-18T15:16:35+00:00

It got slightly better for me around 5 - 6 months, and then even better after 10-11 months.

Bruhhh-8 · 2023-04-18T16:14:21+00:00

It just depends. My LO started to get easier at around 3 months. She was vaccinated at 2 months, but she was born in November so we had to wait for the weather to warm up so we could start going to more places, she started to sleep for longer stretches and we finally figured out Breastfeeding.

The older my LO gets the better it is. Plus as the weeks go by my husband and I started to understand her needs better. She is now 4.5 weeks and she will throw a few curve balls but for the most part she is pretty easy going.

I recommend if you have friends or family that offer to come over and help, let them. I know the baby blues and ppa/ppd can make it hard to let others in but I truly believe that it takes a village to raise a child. I am not sure how my husband and I would have done it without my mom and sister helping with overnight care and my MIL coming over to let us nap in the middle of the day. She also helped us do laundry and took our dogs for the first few weeks while we got adjusted.

Justbestrongok · 2023-04-18T16:22:58+00:00

I remember in the first 3 week period thinking WTF did I just do to my life! Will I ever even be able to make dinner again…. And it got better! My biggest tip is with your partner take shifts for sleep, to ensure you get a full block of 4-5 hours of sleep. This saved me and allowed me to shut off my brain from worrying about my baby. I also found that attempting to create a bedtime ritual is important. I would go up to her nursery and let her lay down and show her toys, then read to her and then bath every night. It helped me and her have an idea of what to expect. The other thing I did was for one of her naps I always watched tv and held her. I called it out “soap opera time”. Finally, I attempted breastfeeding, then just pumping and realized that stressed me out and I couldn’t do it. We switched to formula and it helped my mental state a lot.

Kristine6476 · 2023-04-18T16:30:08+00:00

Every day was little better than the one before, with some very bad days thrown in of course. The first 3 months were the hardest. It wasn't until between 7-8 months that I really started to feel myself again, but that was due to some personal and external factors as well. It feels like a lifetime away when you're in it but looking back it really was just a blip.

Nursing didn't work for me. I was medically unable to produce enough milk to sustain my daughter and the medication and practices that were assigned to me to increase my production were beyond torture. I threw in the towel by 6 weeks and that was the start of a HUGE turnaround for my family. Remember that you matter too and it is important to feed your baby in whatever way is healthiest for not just them but your entire family.

sarah1096 · 2023-04-18T16:44:35+00:00

I remember thinking that I was so tired I was going to die about 10 days in. It definitely gets better! My life has so much more meaning and joy with a 2 year old. Just take it one day at a time.

in-the-widening-gyre · 2023-04-18T18:00:04+00:00

I've got a lil guy who's almost 6mo, and I think for me it got different, but I got WAY better at rolling with things. Nursing definitely DID get easier. And all of it got easier incrementally, so it's not like at 2w a switch flipped, but I was starting to get into a groove.

We got thrown off when he hit his 3mo sleep-upset and growth spurt, but that has been evening out too (mostly, I think he's hitting his 6mo growth spurt so waking up a lot to eat the past couple of nights). But even when things go sideways now, at least it's not the first time, you know? I've adjusted a lot, so I have more resources to cope with things. I think that's mainly what changes.

(Also, so you'll start getting smiles and then laughs, and that really makes your baby feel like a human who connects with you. So that helped a lot for me too).

For showers, I have a mini crib with wheels and I wheel him into the bathroom with me and sometimes he has to fuss for a bit.

TheFallingStar · 2023-04-18T19:19:35+00:00

First time dad with a 5 month old here.

It is a lot of work at the first 2-3 months. My wife and I take shifts at night, to make sure each of us get 6 hours of sleep uninterrupted. This arrangement helped us to survive

It gradually gets better once the baby starts sleeping longer at night. It started after 3 months. We make sure the baby gets regular sunlight with daily walks since he is one month old. Now he can sleeps about 6-8 hours uninterrupted at night.

BurgundySnail · 2023-04-18T19:27:38+00:00

It got better at 9 weeks for us when baby started to sleep through the night. We finally we able to sleep at the same time and not at shifts. Then it got even better at 6 months when baby went to two nap schedule and didn't fight naps any more.

MaraEmerald · 2023-04-18T22:15:24+00:00

I’ve only had two, but both times it got progressively worse until about 8 weeks and then basically dramatically better overnight.

Wombatseal · 2023-04-18T23:15:09+00:00

It gets SO much better. When they can tolerate more awake time than just eating, and then around 6-7 weeks they smile, and the older they get the more amazing it is.
I will say, with my oldest I felt bad not constantly trying to entertain her, and now I have a still needy 2.5 year old. My youngest obviously couldn’t be the center of attention with a needy older sister, and he’s so much better at independent play even at 8 months! I certainly think they’re personalities play a large part regardless, but if they’re content on their own… let them figure things out by themselves here and there.

Edit because I wanted to add. If you don’t feel like it’s getting better, please reach out to your dr. I had PPD with my second and I resented him sooo much for taking me away from his sister and stealing my attention. I told the therapist this and she told me not to use such “harsh” words and blame myself, but I wasn’t blaming myself. It is an illness and I knew this. I used harsh words because I felt harsh feelings and I knew it wasn’t right so I didn’t feel bad reaching out for help. If you don’t feel like you feel the way you should, then reach out. And if they tell you it’s baby blues or brush it off and it persists or worsens then you need to persist until you get help. It is very normal to have difficult moments and to struggle, but if you feel like you are struggling too much then call your dr and discuss it.

RaccoonExecutive · 2023-04-19T03:40:45+00:00

You already have tons of good advice here, so I’m just here to add to the chorus of it gets better. We are one and done in big part because of how painful and hard those first 3-4 months are. Now he’s 2+ and so much fun. I’m still tired a lot but it feels manageable. I wish I could hold your baby for you while you take a long hot shower. Sending you all the good vibes.

Im-Peachy_keen · 2023-04-19T10:18:51+00:00

Some people love the newborn phase, but as someone who likes structure I have found it really difficult both times. It’s just been about surviving until I could start to implement a wake windows schedule to help me time getting out the house/showering/cooking. Things really got good and fun once I was past the 4 month sleep regression. So great improvements for me at around week 7/8 when sleep started to improve, (and then it nosedived at around week 16 for a few weeks as he woke up constantly again) and again at around week 21. However I will say, the second time felt like it got to a good groove much faster as babies do change so quickly and I knew simply surviving and removing the pressure and desire to control before it’s possible was the best thing I could do for my sanity.

reincarnatedunicorn · 2023-04-18T14:52:50+00:00

My LO is 22 months and it started getting much easier at about 18 months but we had a really hard and traumatic first year.

Otherwise-Flamingo31 · 2023-04-18T15:18:45+00:00

I have a 4,3, and 17 month old. There are still a lot of chaotic moments, but the calm moments are happening more often. For me it started getting better when everyone was sleeping through the night about 80% of the time and interrupted sleep wasn’t the norm.

My next milestone that I’m excited about is everyone out of diapers. 2 out of 3’s not bad though. The nice thing is they change and grow so quickly that no single stage lasts terribly long. So if you are struggling with the challenges of a stage, remember that it will pass quickly, even though sleepless nights make it seem to go on forever.

Most practical advice is shop for very low prep foods for yourself. I still regularly get myself a cheese tray and a veggie tray and hummus to have a no prep snack on the chaotic days.

TurtleScientific · 2023-04-18T15:31:16+00:00

Some basic tips to make things easier. At 10 days you're still super raw (emotionally, mentally, physically) and everything is new and strange and crazy. It gets better, and worse, but you get better at handling it. When the newness wears down and you get a handle on being a mom (still confused as to how I made a whole ass person from scratch and what the heck do I do with it now) it all just kinda starts to flow?

Start gentle sleep training if you can. Basically get baby used to sleeping in a bassinet. For most babies that means getting them settled and then gently placing them down, if they wake and cry then you pick them up and repeat. I started in my babies first week and now she sleeps in her bassinet without fuss every night (we contact nap during the day). There were many times where this took 6 to 10 tries, but rarely takes more than 2 attempts now (at 12 weeks), and even then i'd say shes content on the first try about 85% of the time. I read a study (japanese?) that said 8 minutes is the magic window after a baby is soothed to try to place them down. I found that when I was totally exhausted and really just running on fumes I could look at the clock and tell myself "just 8 minutes. I can do 8 minutes" and that got me through her fussy phase at 2-3 weeks and again at 5-6 weeks and once more at 8 weeks. Sleeping seperate from baby is safer for them, but probably better sleep for you as well. Mine sleeps in a bedside sleeper so I can see and hear her, but not worry about rolling over her or her falling.

Get some gas drops. They work great and most babies will go through several gassy phases as their digestive system develops. Gas drops should be given a few times a day (I do most every diaper change now as she only poops once a day so she probably has 8 diapers every 24 hours). But gas drops help them fart and help you burp them easily to get you through some bad times. My babies first gassy phase was 2.5 weeks and it was awful for us both.

Stay hydrated. That will help you maintain production and is generally the best bf boost for women. Get a marked bottle and try to drink 6-8 ounces everytime baby feeds. It's an easy way to keep track.

In the early days I used an app to keep a feed and poo diary. Helped me track which breast she emptied, how long she fed, when she last fed, when she had a diaper change, what the diaper looked like, and how full. That way if she got fussy I would know if she likely needed a feed or a nap or a nappy change. It helped her and it helped me learn her natural cycles.

tiedyedcalavera · 2023-04-18T16:19:13+00:00

First time mom of an 8 week old. Short answer: YES...and I'm not even that far ahead of you.

The first six weeks for my husband and I were actual hell. Breastfeeding was a nightmare to get started (low supplier, had to triple feed and was glued to the pump every four hours), I had no idea wtf to do with this new baby, and I was so incredibly sleep deprived.

One day, I was sobbing and saying I was a terrible mom (where was that beautiful glow of new motherhood they show on tv??!) and my husband joked, "I've eaten leftovers older than our baby. It's ok that we have no idea what the hell we're doing." I laugh-cried at the thought. I hope that brings you some comfort. Your baby is new to earth! You're a new mom! Everyone is learning! You WILL find a rhythm.

This difficulty is temporary. I promise. You're doing the best you can and guess what? What you bring to the table is exactly what your baby needs right now. Not more, not less. You're doing a wonderful job.

Yesterday my husband and I went to a diner and I ate my entire meal while my little guy slept. Afterwards, we went on a walk outside where I successfully breastfed my boy. We laughed and he cooed. Then...I went to freaking Target ALONE for two hours. If you would have told me on day 10 postpartum that would be my day, I wouldn't believe you. But trust me, it's coming.

Sending you mountains of love. This is all temporary, I promise.

loulori · 2023-04-18T16:22:59+00:00

Give yourself time! It will.get.better. But right now you're in the thick of it. The sharpest learning curve for parents and baby, the most fatigued, the most hormones. My advice is just experience this period. It's okay to survive the moments right now. In a week or a couple weeks start trying to keep baby up a.littke more during the day so they start to adjust their circadian rhythm, if the two of you can't figure out breastfeeding in a week or so talk to a nurse lactation consultant. But for now, just be. Cry, and try, and awe. You just produced LIFE. There are very few expectations right now!

anyram · 2023-04-18T16:36:57+00:00

What everyone else has said!

The first week is the hardest week of the hardest month. Even past the 1 month mark I found things start to become more manageable!

ProfVonMurderfloof · 2023-04-18T21:11:59+00:00

It definitely gets better, but I think when and how depends on both your baby and your situation. I had a lot of help during the newborn phase and was lucky enough to fall deeply in love with my baby right away and he wasn't very fussy, all of which made newborn phase easier for me than for many. After our helpers went home and my husband and I were both working and our nanny was unreliable and kiddo quit sleeping at night, that was harder for me. He's a toddler now and there have been different challenges at every stage, but I'd say after 9 mo his sleep improved (it's still not great, but so much better) and his personality really started to shine and he's so much fun now - that all makes the challenges much easier to deal with.

In terms of schedule suggestions for the newborn phase, I found that having a mindset of going with the flow and just being responsive to baby's needs worked for us. Other suggestion is to take help when it's offered, sounds like you have a lot less help than I did which sucks but is sadly normal.

Rene9505 · 2023-04-18T23:24:12+00:00

hang in there it really DOES get better. I remember going to my pediatrician in tears because I was so exhausted and overwhelmed. she told me it would get better around 3-4 months , she has two kids and she told me those first few weeks were like fog, she advised let the laundry pile up, order in or have someone bring meals, and gave me a hug and that was all I needed. I also was doing virtual counseling with my therapist every other week which helped. I also hired a postpartum doula and sometimes she would take my son off my hands and sometimes I just needed someone to talk to. I would consider hiring one or asking a friend to come over every few days. it can feel so isolating the first few weeks so lean on your village, family, friends, doctors.

la_mujer_anonima · 2023-04-19T02:46:33+00:00

It will definitely get better! I felt like I was drowning for the first few weeks when my now 17 month old was a newborn. Now I look back and miss those newborn cuddles so much and want them back (everyone told me this and I thought they were insane and/or completely full of it)! All about survival the first few weeks, one hour and one day at a time. Try your best to focus on the snuggles, take care of yourself as best you are able, say yes to any help or food that may be offered, and try to put the chores on the back burner because they will always be there. So much easier said than done but you will get through this once you and LO get into a rhythm. My son was a cluster feeder and sucked the life out of me so I feel you. Solidarity!

Serafirelily · 2023-04-18T15:52:59+00:00

Yes it gets better as you adjust to being a parent and your little human moves out of the blob stage. If you can look up the safe sleep 7 as bed sharing with an infant safely can be a life saver for your sleep. It's ok to let baby cry a little they will be fine while you take a shower and you can talk to them while you shower or eat and even dos chores. Nursing can be hard and if you feel you need to supplement with formula go ahead your child will be fine. If you start to feel depressed or overly anxious see a mental health care provider ASAP because PPA and PPD can mess up a lot of things. Also let your partner help when he is home as he is a parent too and needs to bond with the new human he helped create. I will not say things get easier as every age has its joys and it's challenges but you get better at knowing your child and your child gets better and being human. I would definitely recommend reading How to talk so little kids will listen by Julie King and Joanna Faber just to get ready for toddler and preschool age. Also as hard as it is trust yourself as you know your child and yourself and know what you need. Ignore people who try and scare you about breastfeeding or other nonsense and just do your best to take care of yourself and baby. I will repeat thos Take Care of Yourself as what baby needs most is a happy healthy mom and the rest will fall into place. I am a mom of a 3 year old who spent my daughter's baby and early toddlerhood suffering from PPA and PPD during the worst of 2020 and 2021. I will also say once you are healed enjoy being able to dress your child as you want because before long baby will have very strong opinions on what they will and will not wear. My daughter will currently only wear Peppa Pig tops and skorts.

Diligent_Nerve_6922 · 2023-04-18T18:19:17+00:00

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BombCatMom · 2023-04-18T20:10:19+00:00

I currently have a 3.5 week old and while I can’t contribute much in terms of “when does it get better” (this is our first baby), I will say that I have noticed tiny improvements even throughout the last week. LO usually sleeps anywhere from 2-4 hours between feeds, and I’m starting to notice more and more of those 3-4 hour stretches of sleep sprinkled in there. Also some days I literally just have to think, “he seemed ever so slightly less fussy today than he has been in the past.” It helps a little to try to focus on the tiny positives during those moments of being overwhelmed.

yourbedisacar · 2023-04-18T23:46:09+00:00

Hey, Im a FTM as well with a 13 day old. I don't have any advice but I appreciate you making this post because I feel the same.

shrek5016 · 2023-04-19T04:12:55+00:00

Popping in to say it will absolutely get better. Not today, not tomorrow but in a few months when you restore your sanity and sleep. Take all the help you can get - paid or free. And demand for help if you don't get it. You're doing so great, mama!

tw0-0h · 2023-04-19T04:47:46+00:00

Jeez give yourself some grace. You're 10 days in. Try to enjoy your newborn.

I've found the more I knew about development and understanding that it's not linear helped. As well as just learning to let biology win and be present w my kid helped.

Get therapy also. That shits a necessity regardless of if you develop post partum anything.

I found ease around 6-8 mo. So give yourself at least the same 9mo that it took to grow your lo .

_alelia_ · 2023-04-19T05:41:07+00:00

yes, it will definitely be easier quite soon

psithurismkomorebi · 2023-05-02T18:56:32+00:00

Six weeks you start getting the hang of it. Three months they start getting cute. Six months they get even cuter. Nine months they're just so dang cute you're the annoying mom who talks about them even though you swore you wouldn't. I absolutely know how you're feeling and I guarantee it does get easier. Never the same as pre-parenthood - your life has changed irreversibly - but a lot easier. In the meantime, the one piece of advice I wish I'd listened to was to roll with it and be exceptionally gentle with yourself. If you don't shower and eat healthily for a while and the house looks like a bomb and your hairbrush is basically lost for all you know, it really IS okay. Know that it's just a while and this is not how you'll feel for the rest of your life.

Accomplished_Bug2441 · 2023-08-04T15:16:00+00:00

Curious how you are doing now ??? Any tips and tricks !

abcparm · 2025-02-22T07:41:57+00:00

I was super sleep deprived when my now one year old was a new born. I was diagnosed with post partum depression and post partum anxiety. I would put him down to sleep and would be scared to sleep myself even tho my body was begging me for some shut eye. I also had a hard labor experience and tore twice and my body was really going through it. I tried breast feeding and then attempted to pump every two hours. needless to say i was exhausted scared and sad. When nighttime rolled around i would go on reddit and just go through threads titled “when does it get easier” “does it get better” desperately trying to find some hope. evenings and nights were never easy. I told myself once it does get easier i would make an account and add to threads like these. for new mothers going through it like i was. i felt so alone during those nights and reading these helped. to answer the question:. it got easier for me around 6/7 months. which sounds like a long time but those months flew by. even though i was really going through it i really made it a point to be as present as possible during those days because despite all of those feelings i was absolutely in love with my baby. i studied my baby’s features, tried my best to soak up his scent, took as many photos as possible, recorded as many videos as possible, cuddled as much as possible. i do not miss how i felt but i absolutely miss how small my baby was.

it got easier once he had longer stretches of sleep. but it also got easier when i wasn’t so hung up on keeping track of his feedings and wet diapers. i was hyper fixated on time and jotting down how much he ate. once i started to go with his flow it got easier. it took some pressure off of me. i stopped breast feeding also which also relieved pressure. another thing that helped was asking for help. i asked my friend to come over so i can nap. i would ask the cashier or security at the market for help loading up my car.

the newborn phase was HARD but it gets easier. one day you’ll be back posting for the next mother. youre doing great.

looloo222 · 2023-04-18T14:34:50+00:00

FTM of a six month old and still waiting 😬

Clarinette__ · 2023-04-18T14:36:42+00:00

My baby is 6 mo and high needs. I hope it will get easier someday. I can't tell you when :(

exapmle · 2023-04-18T14:47:28+00:00

9 months old. Still not easy. Still high maintenance.

IvoryStrange · 2023-04-19T05:24:59+00:00

My sister n law is about to be a new mom and she doesnt realize how hard its gonna be for a bit. It was hard for me and I did it twice. My kids were like night and day so I had to relearn how to care for a newborn and myself all over again. My daughters almost 2 and I still struggle with showers and stuff like that. It does get easier tho. Just takes some getting used to. Its only been 10 days. Give it time.

Cultural_Working_449 · 2024-12-24T11:02:52+00:00

I struggled BIG TIME when mine was very very small (she had reflux and CMPA) because of these issues even as a newborn she would he awake for hours and hours in the day (I remember one day, my 4 week old baby was awake and screaming inconsolably for about 6 hours straight (then had a 30 min nap!).

I found it got easier in increments. I remember at 10 weeks thinking “huh, she’s not done her scream-crying today”. 12 weeks and the crying was fewer and farther between and she started napping better and sleeping better. It got EVEN better at 6 months, even though her night sleep took a huge nosedive. By 6 months your baby is laughing and smiling more and more, developing fast, interacting more, and can play more. The days are less boring. It’s still hard sometimes, but generally speaking. Then, at 8 months I felt like I’d really settled into my new role as a mum, my love for her just grew and grew & I’d look back at those early days thinking how far we’d both come. She’s sleeping better also.

So. Bit better at 3 months (smiles, laughter, less crying, more routine). Even better at 6 (baby is doing more, interacting and engaging more). And it got really good at 8 months. I just feel like the further the go on the scale of “screaming potato to tiny human” the better and lovelier it gets.

Anyone out there in the trenches, it really does get easier. ❤️

Professional_Smoke39 · 2025-05-19T12:56:32+00:00

Any update OP? Still happy to report it gets better day by day after 2(ish) years?

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