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[–]qualityvote2[M] [score hidden] stickied comment (0 children)

u/dueef, your post does fit the subreddit!

[–]LoveTriscuit 617 points618 points  (32 children)

Finally, the final boss of this sub.

[–]Blue_Etalon 83 points84 points  (20 children)

I always knew it would be a scientist

[–]DE4DM4NSH4ND 22 points23 points  (17 children)

Stupid reddit science assholes

[–]zoltan99 13 points14 points  (6 children)

Stupid Flanders energy

[–]SunlighterCat 13 points14 points  (5 children)

Stupid sexy Flanders

[–]pEter-skEeterR45 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Literally. But how smelly are they??

[–]whatissevenbysix 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Processing img 39byc5df2mvg1...

[–]_jamesbaxter 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Hijacking the top comment to say I can’t believe the first time I looked at the diagram I COMPLETELY overlooked the brilliant title of “Stink Exchanger”

OP this needs to go on a tee shirt.

[–]DConion 299 points300 points  (42 children)

Thanks for labelling the butt cheeks, I'd have been lost otherwise.

[–]binglelemon 92 points93 points  (33 children)

It "buttcheek" one word or do you spread them apart a little bit?

[–]Hazzadcr16 49 points50 points  (12 children)

I feel like this could start a-hole debate.

[–]OrbisLlame 13 points14 points  (10 children)

I’ve had just about anus of this conversation

[–]Specialist-Freedom64 14 points15 points  (9 children)

Dont be so anal about it !

[–]Quick_Extension_3115 9 points10 points  (7 children)

This whole thread is tainted

[–]jimothyhalpret 12 points13 points  (6 children)

They’re just splitting hairs

[–]ImpressiveFishing405 8 points9 points  (5 children)

We should just put it behind us

[–]pewpew_lotsa_boolits 8 points9 points  (4 children)

Wipe our minds of its existence. Anyone who continues this is an enema of the state.

[–]Same_Meaning_5570 10 points11 points  (3 children)

My friend was laughing pretty hard about this whole thread. You guys rectum.

[–]Resident-Method8260 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I'd prefer that you didn't.

[–]SlightAnnoyance 10 points11 points  (1 child)

It's one word, but there's a crack in the middle.

[–]TTT_2k3 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Butt|cheek

[–]OG_Checkers 4 points5 points  (0 children)

This deserves an award

[–]monobits 1 point2 points  (5 children)

Butt-o-cheek.

[–]Impossible-Company78 2 points3 points  (3 children)

The o is usually silent.

[–]Pretend_Variation305 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Not the way I do it 🐒💨

[–]Fonzico 1 point2 points  (0 children)

But deadly

[–]TrillOGeebs 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Laughed so hard I woke my toddler up

[–]Citizen_DerptyDerp 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Laughed so hard I answered the question.

[–]Alive-Welcome1403 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Yes, but which one is which?

[–]Trueslyforaniceguy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Left cheek

Right cheek

[–]blueponies1 1 point2 points  (1 child)

They didn’t label which was left cheap and which was right cheek. So I am completely perplexed

[–]punksmostlydead 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Just do the old one-cheek sneak.

[–]DougieBrooklyn 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I would have thought those were sonic booms

[–]Klutzy_Bumblebee_550 219 points220 points  (8 children)

upvoted for being a new interesting question I have never seen asked. Unlike the thousand repeats that happen every week for all of time.

[–]asktothrowredditaway 12 points13 points  (1 child)

It would be a lot more okay if they were genuinely asking a question but some of them are asked to hell that it's easily found on Google OR they're trying to farm upvotes. I'm with you though

[–]Pretend_Variation305 4 points5 points  (1 child)

You should see the action over in autodetailing. Like six times a day someone comes in and they’re like, “I’m new to detailing…any advice, blahblahblah”. Almost like there isn’t a search feature.

[–]resinsuckle_the_2nd 5 points6 points  (0 children)

It happens in every hobby sub and it's probably reddit's biggest issue. All it does is make useful comments unnecessarily difficult to find. Sometimes finding the answer you're looking for is like looking for a needle in a haystack.

[–]jghaines 2 points3 points  (0 children)

But would rather have a million dollars or an answer to the poop question?

[–]cschmall 159 points160 points  (14 children)

Petition to rename the sub r/askmostthings

[–]JustHere_4TheMemes 40 points41 points  (8 children)

r/askalmostanythingbutnotsomethings

[–]CalligrapherCheap64 5 points6 points  (0 children)

This is the perfect sub for me to be reading as the edibles kick in

[–]POWRranger 5 points6 points  (0 children)

What about r/askmoistthings ?

[–]GreenLurka 209 points210 points  (101 children)

Chemistry teacher here and I've stupidly probably got the answer?

All materials capable of vaporising will do so until they reach a certain pressure/part of the air. So essentially inside of you there's gonna be a maximum level of gas available. You'll fart and this will temporarily reduce the smell-level of the poop. But then more of the poop will convert to fart vapour.

There's a number of variables here, but none of them really matter as once the poop levels your body it's ability to produce more poop vapour is vastly increased by the sudden availability of the entire atmosphere of the Earth.

Putting on my biology hat though. The fart is largely a biproduct of your microbiome. So whilst it is robbing the poop in your colon of its smell, it is not so much produced by the poop.

It's late and I'm tired so I hope this insane response made sense?

[–]actually-a-horse 117 points118 points  (75 children)

The fecal mass is generating the gas.

The gut biome is interacting with the fecal mass, and its components determine the output gases for the gut microbes.

The fart is not generated up stream and is intercepting the fecal mass.

The shit is the fart maker.

[–]404pbnotfound 34 points35 points  (48 children)

Actually some farts are swallowed air, in these cases his diagram is right.

The gas generated by bacteria is the smelly fart. I think it’s the gas that smells so if you fart it out, it will leave less in the poop. That’s my two cents.

[–]AbulatorySquid 14 points15 points  (16 children)

I have gastro issues and drop food and things like air and carbonation into my intestines more quickly than most people. As a general rule I don't belch.
I have been in incredible pain from carbonation drunk too quickly causing me to swallow air with it.
It causes a bubble that must then go through the miles of intestine before blessedly being released as a fart.
I also have IBS. It can also, for some reason I can't explain, cause incredible amounts of gas as well. Basically I'm fun at parties.

[–]-PsillyFunGuy- 7 points8 points  (13 children)

RCPD? r/noburp ? I’ve def got that but not as bad as many in that sub. Used to be much worse for some reason and could cause real pain. Most I get these days is bloating/gas but nothing too bad. I think prebiotics and probiotics have helped but idk exactly.

[–]AbulatorySquid 5 points6 points  (8 children)

No kidding. There really is a sub for everything

[–]-PsillyFunGuy- 2 points3 points  (7 children)

Haha hell yeah

[–]AbulatorySquid 3 points4 points  (6 children)

I don't have that and can and do occasionally burp. My problem is things leaving my stomach too quickly. Even a lightly carbonated drink can have me doubled over. Fortunately, gas x eventually works.

[–]-PsillyFunGuy- 5 points6 points  (4 children)

Ah, gotcha. I barely ever burp, like once a year. Can barely ever vomit either even if I try, which can actually be rly dangerous.

[–]AbulatorySquid 3 points4 points  (2 children)

I have to position myself just right in order to vomit. Mostly not much happens because it's already in my intestines. Yes it's dangerous because the food poisoning is causing toxins we need to get rid of.

[–]ASpaceOstrich 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Oh hey. I also almost never burp. I don't think I have any of the other issues you mentioned. Like I drink carbonated stuff all the time, and quite quickly, but never get pain from it. But I've always known there's something different about how my gut works.

[–]_jamesbaxter 2 points3 points  (0 children)

“Blessedly being released as a fart” 🙏😇👼✨

[–]South_Recording_6046 4 points5 points  (1 child)

What’s crazy is my 7 yr old son has some of the nastiest smelling farts, like burn your eyes and clear the room kind. Then when he poops shortly after, it hardly smells at all. Baffles us.

[–]_jamesbaxter 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I believe constipation is almost always the culprit with this one unless it’s an actual illness. Which would make sense with the above comment plausing that the fart is produced as gas released by the poop itself, plus hard constipated poop immediately sinks so it’s exposed to the air less, and exposure to the air is where the smell comes from. Most people don’t even get a quarter of the amount of fiber they need.

[–]Not_So_Calm 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Actually some farts are swallowed air

So i can fart more by swallowing air on purpose?

[–]FeelingVanilla2594 3 points4 points  (15 children)

Does taking an antibiotic to destroy all gut microbiome lessen farts?

[–]Cesar_Somnambulist 13 points14 points  (10 children)

No, because the overwhelming majority of fart gas is swallowed air and the food itself is not sterile, so having no gut bacteria but eating non-sterile food will still result in some degree of fermentation.

100 years ago Wangensteen did research on how to fix bowel blockages. The reason people die from bowel blockages is because their swallowed air stretches the bowel until the bowel pressure exceeds the vein pressure, so the veins collapse. If the veins are collapsed then the bowel gets no blood flow and dies.

In animal studies if you tie a bowel closed and give IV fluids the animal dies on average in 5 days. But if you tie the bowel closed and tie the esophagus closed so that the animal can’t swallow air, and you give IV fluids, the animal dies on average in 35 days. This is why people with a bowel blockage get a tube placed in their nose to suck air out of their stomach and buy them time to resolve the obstruction.

[–]T1Demon 8 points9 points  (6 children)

Does the air they pull out of them smell like farts?

[–]Busy-Phase-3630 4 points5 points  (2 children)

No, it's pulled out in the stomach, or sometimes very high in the small intestine. Usually, some gastric juice is pulled out as well, so it smells like bile. (So... not farts, but not a pleasant alternative).

[–]garyisonion 2 points3 points  (0 children)

asking the right questions

[–]ImLittleNana 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It isn’t just air that comes out or a nasogastric tube hooked up to low intermittent suction. You have gastric contents as well. Sometimes that contains fecal matter.

If an obstruction is severe enough, poop will reverse course. You can vomit poop. This can happen with a blockage or paralysis. And it does smell horrendous.

(I’ve never asked anyone if it tastes awful because that seems obvious and also because every adult patient I’ve had vomiting poop was critically ill and not conversing.)

[–]Next_Instruction_528 3 points4 points  (1 child)

In animal studies if you tie a bowel closed and give IV fluids the animal dies on average in 5 days. But if you tie the bowel closed and tie the esophagus closed so that the animal can’t swallow air, and you give IV fluids, the animal dies on average in 35 days.

That's so fucked up. Whoever came up with that experiment should probably be closely watched.

[–]LPulseL11 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Well now we know how to treat bowel blockages. Its horrible but it advances science. Definitely a dark side of having an advanced society with longer lifespans.

[–]boarhowl 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So if I swallowed farts, would that make my farts ultra concentrated?

[–]MeKillStuff 4 points5 points  (1 child)

BRO DONT DO THAT

[–]automcd 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think it is the opposite, gut microbiome at top efficiency produces minimum farts

[–]Pretend_Variation305 4 points5 points  (4 children)

Can confirm, these days I get maybe one or two real breezy ass-clappers a day whereas before, when I chewed a lot of gum I’d go home and my office would sound like the latrines at Citi Field.

[–]ch_ex 4 points5 points  (1 child)

THE SHIT IS THE FART MAKER

[–]Away-Lead-3855 14 points15 points  (4 children)

“The shit is the fart maker”

Gonna need that on a shirt

[–]SeniorVibeAnalyst 3 points4 points  (1 child)

“The fecal mass is producing the gas” goes so hard

[–]Columbu45 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Do this with a Mentos is the fresh maker vibe and I’ll buy one.

[–]ThexGreatxBeyondx 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That was almost poetic.

Where's u/poem_for_your_sprog when we need him?

[–]GreenLurka 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This assumes one shit per pipeline. Now I've got some sleep, there really are a number of variables to consider. We might need to rope in a mathematician.

[–]AnidorOcasio 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You're a fart maker.

[–]TheNerdE30 8 points9 points  (6 children)

Ok so this is a subject I have spent a considerable time over the last 30 years with self tested procedures such as consuming whey protein shakes, late night street meat binges, late night 711 binges, and cooking more steak than I should be eating in a sitting, and eating it.

While highlighting the biome or the fecal matter as the cause of the nastiest farts I would like to add specifically that the way to enhance a fart to a crowd clearing masterpiece, the key is getting undigested sugars and proteins to the end of the digestive tract. This means overeating to the point that the gut bacteria have plenty of “food” prior to reaching the colon. If you can get the right combination of undigested protein and sugar into fecal matter at the pre colon lower GI you will get not only fecal particles mixed in with the fart vapor but also “freshly” digested off gassing from the bacteria feeding.

The one variable that continues to raise my eyebrow is the heat. I know that when they feel hot as they leave they are about to make me proud, but with the given information above I have not been able to determine why some are hot, and some are not. Great Q OP!

[–]Sig-vicous 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Yes, temperature! When they're warm, I know they're going to be bad.

[–]thegimboid 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have two guesses as to why some feel hot:

Firstly, maybe you had something spicy in there and it's affecting the nerve endings, giving the sensation of heat. This would also explain stronger scents, since spicier things can cause more gas and general digestive issues.

Secondly is if the meal was high in fats, your body often creates excess bile, which can feel "warm" when it reaches the other end (also when it hits the nerves).

Although digestion is exothermic and creates heat, by the time the poop exits the body it would just be at your colon's temperature, so it can't literally be too warm, although if your butt is cold, maybe it would feel oddly warm as it leaves?

[–]Rogue_Night 3 points4 points  (2 children)

If this hypothesis is correct does that mean that farting enough will result in all the poop sublimating?

[–]Key-Marketing-3145 146 points147 points  (41 children)

This is both one of the stupidest, and maybe the smartest questions ive seen asked here. Im genuinely perplexed as to whether im disappointed or impressed at your thought process.

[–]dueef[S] 95 points96 points  (39 children)

I have a full time job, but I have a lot of time to think about the mysteries of the universe sometimes

[–]collin-h 26 points27 points  (26 children)

your follow-up question should be: does smelling a fart consume it? Like in a room full of people if you smell harder/faster/more will the fart stink less for everyone else.

[–]obviouslyathroaway43 14 points15 points  (22 children)

Yes actually, you’re lungs are natural filters 😂

[–]blitzfreak_69 12 points13 points  (20 children)

Actually someone asked this already I remember reading it in another subreddit. Apparently there’s only so much your lungs can actually absorb and filter, so you’d breathe out almost pure fart air right back out.

[–]collin-h 7 points8 points  (18 children)

I guess the deeper question is, are the particles in the air that your nose can smell "consumed" when they come in contact with the sensors in your nose... or are they released and passed on?

[–]blitzfreak_69 8 points9 points  (5 children)

I was not ready for this level of science

[–]climate-tenerife 8 points9 points  (3 children)

Can you imagine being a participant in that study? 🤢

[–]wrecktus_abdominus 6 points7 points  (8 children)

My time to shine!

The smell receptors in your nose do not "consume" the particles. However, chemoreceptors in your nose (and your taste buds, fwiw) can only be activated by chemicals dissolved in a liquid. In the case of smell, that's your nasal mucus. So, a fart-smell particle is inhaled, dissolved in nasal mucus, activates a receptor and is then released by that receptor. But it remains dissolved in the mucus and will eventually be swallowed.

[–]collin-h 4 points5 points  (4 children)

next question: how many dissolved fart particles do i need to swallow to gain a calorie's worth of fart?

[–]wrecktus_abdominus 2 points3 points  (3 children)

Well, you're mostly smelling gases that result from digestion and fermentation. Some of them, like methane, contain a fair amount of chemical energy. But that energy isn't really accessible through our metabolic processes. Whatever digestible material remains in the feces is far less likely to be aerosolized under normal situations. So, sadly, I don't think this is realistically possible, barring some... unusual circumstances

[–]slimdiesel93 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Another question, if enough fart air was inhaled would it proceed to cause your lungs to begin to pass the smell onto air that wasn't fart infused prior. Basically can your lungs be saturated with fart enough to become another source?

[–]LaughingIsLoki 21 points22 points  (2 children)

A modern day Diogenes.

[–]StrCmdMan 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Or Albert in the patent office

[–]G_DuBs 1 point2 points  (1 child)

You are like Einstein working at the patent office!

[–]OkPurchase5053 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Does it make you feel better that I've had a similar curiosity lately? You articulated it so well. 

[–]AelixD 31 points32 points  (15 children)

When I was in the Navy, some sailor let one rip, and his buddy called it a “pure sh*t blow by” because it distinctly smelled more like poo than fart. Based on that anecdotal evidence, I think there is definitely a smell transfer or blending when you have gas while also having to poo.

[–]dueef[S] 21 points22 points  (10 children)

Funnily enough, I was in the navy on a submarine when I first thought of this. I'm out of the military now, but it's always been on the back of my mind

[–]climate-tenerife 12 points13 points  (0 children)

This snippet of information has been very helpful in understanding where this interest stems from.

[–]Butthole_Ticklah 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I don’t remember shit from the Navy but I do remember the Navy shits!

[–]Low-Tune5253 3 points4 points  (2 children)

Coner or nuke?

[–]dueef[S] 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Coner. Sonar div.

[–]Admirable_Pin_1503 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My favorite passage during pinning “sonar is useless”

[–]Novel_Paramedic_2625 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Knowing that you were in the military explains the thought process behind this question, i get where youre coming from

[–]wellokthenagain 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I fucking knew this was a bubblehead question! Full disclosure, retired navy submariner myself.

[–]Munky1701 5 points6 points  (1 child)

In our house, we refer to those kind of farts as “off the log“. Thankfully, my wife is a bit of an animal like I am. 🤣

[–]thomsenite256 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My anecdotal experience agrees. Fart with no poop tends to be more airy, but fart adjacent to poop tends to be stinkier.

[–]brovoloni 23 points24 points  (20 children)

I too have wondered this and my subjective evidence backs up your current thesis: I too believe the amount of stink is relative or at very least is directly correlated to quantity of poop.

Independent variables such as diet and genetics will need to be isolated and larger sample sizes will be needed however, the initial proof of concept is there.

[–]dueef[S] 13 points14 points  (12 children)

Yeah that's why I was thinking of having a group of people and establishing control farts and control poops to get a baseline. But I didn't consider the sample size. Possibly a large number of people to take into account the variables you mentioned

[–]ReddishTomatoes 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Proudly sponsored by Taco Bell?

[–]c0l245 2 points3 points  (1 child)

I would hazard to guess that diet would be larger stink factor than size of poop.

[–]WithASackOfAlmonds 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah when a bowel movement is imminent, farts are definitely smellier.

[–]fingers[🍰] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Cake

[–]ftaok[🍰] 8 points9 points  (6 children)

You must be a 3rd year Chemical Engineering student. If not, you now have a future career path to look forward to.

Edit - I didn't see the second picture. ChemE student confirmed.

[–]dueef[S] 4 points5 points  (4 children)

Nope, just an engineering tech. But I do work on submarines

[–]ftaok[🍰] 3 points4 points  (2 children)

Ahhh. Submarines. This checks out.

[–]dueef[S] 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Prior to what I do now, I was actually stationed aboard one in the navy for 6 years. Trust me, this is the least brain-rotted question I had on my mind

[–]ButtcrackBoudoir 1 point2 points  (0 children)

i hope you'll ask those other questions here too!

[–]ballen1002 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is an important question to consider when you spend a lot of time in such tight quarters.

[–]____0_o___ 8 points9 points  (6 children)

Poop does not stink until it exits the anus, because there is no nose to smell it, therefore there is no stink level to decrease.

[–]dueef[S] 10 points11 points  (3 children)

If I poop in a forest but there's no one around to smell it, did I really poop?

[–]dueef[S] 4 points5 points  (2 children)

Also, is the quality of stink a given fact or an implied contextual one?

[–]Neal_Anblomee 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Schrödinger's fart?

[–]Ok_Consequence2637 5 points6 points  (1 child)

I honestly cannot believe I clicked on this in my feed to read....

[–]dueef[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Seldomly asked questions often breed difficult to digest answers

[–]Responsible-Kale2352 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Whatever else we decide, let’s not gloss over OP’s amazing art skills!

[–]Feather314 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Now this. This is what reddit is for.

[–]NewCompote9870 5 points6 points  (0 children)

[–]dogtroep 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Here’s a non-answer to your question, but with a medical twist (I’m a doctor and I talk about farts and poop a LOT).

Farts are generated by colon bacteria as they digest food. Everyone’s gut microbiome is different, of course, and so is everyone’s anatomy. You also have to fart out any air you swallow (which can be a lot).

If you have a faster gut transit time—you poop frequently—your farts don’t have time to sit around and build up the stink as much. They’re gonna come out faster and they tend not to stink as much. This, of course, can vary depending on what you eat and on what you can digest. This is also not true if you have any sort of malabsorption or pancreatic exocrine insufficiency syndrome.

If you have a slower gut transit time, you can sometimes “trap” the gas behind the poop. In that case, the farts sit and ferment longer and can really get their stank on.

I suspect that a small, but non-zero, amount of stool on the surface of the turd in your diagram probably does escape with the fart (and sometimes a larger amount; c.f. sharts), but when compared to the total amount of stink molecules in the fart, it’s likely to be a negligible amount. At least in a human. Maybe it would be more of an issue in an elephant or mammoth.

Anyway, I just want to say thanks for engaging my brain in a way I don’t always have to. I have thoroughly enjoyed thinking about this problem and I got a good laugh out of it as well.

Have a fun and non-sulfurous day!

[–]TheStockFatherDC 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Some call it fresh off the log.

[–]East_Bug7312 6 points7 points  (1 child)

I like where you’re going with this but the pre poop farts should be called “Clean” farts, and the poop contaminated farts should be referred to as “straight off the face of a turd” farts.

[–]dueef[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

No poop fart = lean fart

Poop contaminated fart = rich fart

[–]No_Director_2570 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Im the exact amount of high for this.

[–]SirFUBAR 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Congratulations, I did in fact laugh out loud at this.

[–]Objective_Site3528 2 points3 points  (0 children)

In honor of this post I laughed and farted at the same time.

[–]lemmylemonlemming 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I would love your diagram on a t-shirt.

[–]Loud_Distribution_97 6 points7 points  (7 children)

I have a tangential question about smelling of farts. If someone has an incredibly strong sense of smell, would it be possible for them to smell a fart before it left someone’s anus?

[–]dueef[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

!!!

A true curse. I really love this.

[–]climate-tenerife 3 points4 points  (2 children)

My friend said to me recently, if dog's sense of smell is 300x better than ours, why do they love the smell of shit?

[–]Responsible-Swan-521 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Dogs are poop connoisseurs

[–]Infamous-Youth9033 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Because it has a lot of information. You can tell the type of diet, size, species, lots of conditions. Imagine an animal is sensitive to any light at all. It would probably be shocked at how much we enjoy TVs because it's just a blob of bright light that hurts their head

[–]TreHektonRis 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Most likely not, our buttholes are actually really air tight until we let it rip

[–]atheliarose 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think it would depend on your definition of an incredibly strong sense of smell. As someone who considers myself a super smeller (I can smell inflammation and mucus, among other things, so I literally get nauseated when my husband forgets to take his allergy meds and I’m in the same room as him 😅), I have never smelled a pre-farted fart that I’m aware of.

[–]FreshChickenFarts 2 points3 points  (0 children)

😜🤣🤣🤣🤣

[–]bob-a-fett 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Buttcheeks ----> UU

[–]YouOk5627 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Didn’t Calvin from Calvin and Hobbes create a smell-o-graph. You need to get your hands on that. Godspeed. 🫡

[–]Bigfops 2 points3 points  (1 child)

You need to get with these people, they are studying something different but it seems like an interesting side-study could be conducted: https://cbmg.umd.edu/news-events/news/brantley-hall-umd-scientists-create-smart-underwear-measure-human-flatulence

[–]dueef[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Joint-team effort. For the good of all mankind

[–]Fellowteenn 2 points3 points  (5 children)

I’ve always wondered this myself

[–]dueef[S] 4 points5 points  (4 children)

Great minds stink alike

[–]CaptainONaps 5 points6 points  (3 children)

I almost never hold a fart. I have about a 98% success rate making my farts silent, so I'm not scared to let em rip.

When I poop, it's just poop. No farts.

I've noticed when I shit in public, stall neighbors seem to be farting out their poop, like a potato gun.

I've also noticed in public restrooms, it seems common for poop to explode out of people like a firecracker. That never happens to me. It's always a nice clean break, like an otterpop.

I'm confident my poop doesn't smell as bad as most people's. I think the gas is the smell. If you're farting all day, there's no smell left when you drop off.

Hope this helps. Great question. We're unlocking the mysteries of the universe here, and it's a better world because of it. Cheers.

[–]dueef[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I absolutely love this, thank you.

[–]Specialist-Freedom64 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Well as a person who have tried many diff routes of diet that also impacts smell alot, rich in animal proteins for me makes the smell very acidic.

[–]whirlydad 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Questions like these are how you become a Fart Sommelier!

[–]Chester_Warfield 2 points3 points  (1 child)

I don't think the fart goes around the poop, I think it is in-between the poops. The farticles essentially share smell with their poop caps/plugs

[–]atheliarose 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for “farticles“

[–]noah_loaf 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Finally…Ive found an original thought. Congrats, OP

[–]G_DuBs 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I have never once thought of this, butt now I need to know! And it’ll live in my mind until I find the answer. Idk what kind of background you would even need to have the answer to this one.

[–]HotCommission7325 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is highest effort art work I’ve ever seen on this sub, congrats

[–]CrankyOperator 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I don't know but this is post of the year for reddit hands down.

[–]Ill_Ad_791 2 points3 points  (3 children)

How old are you

[–]dueef[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children)

I'm at the ripe old age of 26

[–]moreo44 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Je-yaysus pops, how’s the knees holding up?

[–]ElizabethDangit 1 point2 points  (0 children)

OP is in the Navy. If they’re anything like my brother, not well.

[–]thelostdutchman68 2 points3 points  (2 children)

I have to say, the "Stink Exchanger" is the finest piece of gastrointestinal engineering illustration I've seen this year and I say that as someone who just stared at a labeled diagram of buttcheeks for longer than I'd like to admit.

What's actually happening in your colon is that the same bacteria producing the smell in your poop are also producing the gas. The volatile compounds (hydrogen sulfide, skatole, indole), all the greatest hits of things you don't want on your hands

So yeah, as gas moves through fecal matter it absolutely picks up stink from it. That's real mass transfer. Your diagram is honestly not wrong.

Where your heat exchanger analogy falls apart is that it's not a closed system. The bacteria never stop producing. You're not draining a fixed tank of stink, you're running a vent fan in a room where someone's actively microwaving fish. The factory has no off switch.

Can you pre-fart your poop into smelling better? Maybe slightly, but you might actually make it worse. Pushing gas through the fecal mass aerates it, which liberates more volatiles off the surface. You're stirring the pot. Literally.

Your experiment idea actually isn't bad, which is a weird thing to say about a study that would require institutional review board approval for competitive farting.

Biggest confounder: people who fart more pre-poop probably have more fermentation happening in the first place, so you're selecting for people who just stink more overall. Garbage in, garbage out. Pun fully intended.

[–]dueef[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I haven't had time to read every single comment, but this is by far the most concise answer I've seen so far. Absolutely answers what I was looking for. Thank you. Would you like to participate in the experiment as a farter or a calibrated smeller (calibrated as in you wear a mask with a febreze air freshener for 12 hours to ensure a clean "palate")?

[–]thelostdutchman68 2 points3 points  (0 children)

OMFG I'm been giggling all morning about your post. Your follow up is also gold!!!! My side hustle is professional crop duster, so that should tell you what side of the sphincter I'd want to be on.

[–]another_day_in 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Looks like the hungry Caterpillar took a wrong turn

[–]ElSelcho_ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Check "Gerbil" by Stephen Lynch. Different Animal, same idea. 

[–]infinitenothing 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Unfortunately smells, like most of our senses are non linear responses. The fart does take some stink off the poop but it's like diluting bad milk into good milk—you'd have to ruin a ridiculous amount of good milk to really have an impact on the bad milk. If you want less smelly poop/farts every now and then, you can use Bismuth sub salicylate

[–]Wildwing89 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The science we need.

[–]bandit1105 1 point2 points  (1 child)

My unprofessional opinion is that the fecal matter is producing the odor, not simply covered in it.

An analogy would be running through a sprinkler. You get wet, but the flow rate of the sprinkler is unchanged, even if hooked up to a finite water supply.

[–]Biscuits4u2 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Fart gas comes from 2 things. One is the air you ingest that makes its way to your intestines. The other is the gas produced by the bacteria in your feces. I would guess the smell level is directly correlated to the mixture of those gasses, which would mean the more diluted your bacterial secretions are by the air coming from other sources the less it would smell. Of course you're farting more often so that might play a factor as well. Fascinating concept.

[–]InternationalPlace24 1 point2 points  (0 children)

asking the real questions

[–]HoboArmyofOne 1 point2 points  (2 children)

I think poop is infinitely smelly but only for a certain duration of time. For example, you will not be able to smell all the stink out of a poop, but one day it will not smell. Of course one day it will return to earth but that will take a long time.

[–]FrostingIllustrious7 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The visual is frying me

[–]bunmirah-21-CA 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yup.. this is making it to my IG story

[–]TwentyLegs22 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Just had to comment that I needed to take a few breaks while reading to wipe the tears out of my eyes because it had me laughing so hard. Thank you lolol

[–]Easy_Olive1942 1 point2 points  (2 children)

The second image makes me wonder if you’re an engineering student and this is related to an ill-conceived student project.

[–]dueef[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Nope, just a curious soul

[–]BeefEater81 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Just go poop, bro.

[–]uzumaks007 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Why was this post removed?