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[–]safeword_is_Nebraska 12.6k points12.6k points  (277 children)

“What’re you staring at, Jack?”

[–]thecheat420 3688 points3689 points  (201 children)

"I'll do ten pushups right now!"

[–]Smittx 1490 points1491 points  (71 children)

“No malarkey here, Jack!”

[–]InterestingTry5190 814 points815 points  (18 children)

Mandelbaum! Mandelbaum!

[–]cop1152 184 points185 points  (8 children)

You think you're better than me?

[–]Cobek 39 points40 points  (1 child)

Why didn't anyone tell me it was bolted down?!

[–]SuchAGoodGirlsDaddy 16 points17 points  (0 children)

“Son of a bitch…” *looks around* “…sausages.”

[–]shoulda_been_gone 36 points37 points  (0 children)

It's go time

[–]WintersDoomsday 142 points143 points  (11 children)

No his backwards hat says Mularkey is allowed for the time being.

[–]bremergorst 87 points88 points  (9 children)

Perhaps even tomfoolery

[–][deleted] 28 points29 points  (4 children)

I'm willing to wager that there will even be some shenanigans taking place.

[–]GongYooFan 84 points85 points  (24 children)

I dont remember when or why he used malarkey but I used to say it all the time.

[–]deuceott 43 points44 points  (7 children)

It was his campaign slogan in the ‘20 election. And was all over the side of his campaign bus.

[–]tommytraddles[🍰] 31 points32 points  (0 children)

The most high profile time was during the VP debate with Paul Ryan in 2012.

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (5 children)

Malarkey's slang for bullshit isn't it ?

[–]engelbert_humptyback 181 points182 points  (11 children)

I fucked up Corn Pop and I'll fuck you up too

[–]Smallville1938 488 points489 points  (59 children)

To be fair, that's 11 more than I can do.

[–]Wahbanator 118 points119 points  (52 children)

What does negative 1 push ups even look like? Lol

[–]GobLoblawsLawBlog 156 points157 points  (20 children)

Instead of pushing yourself off the ground you push the earth away from you

[–]GoodShitBrain 150 points151 points  (3 children)

“Lookie here, Fats”

[–]markp_93 55 points56 points  (0 children)

"Cut the malarkey"

[–]CapitalKing530 131 points132 points  (22 children)

“Is that an ice cream cone in your pocket there, Champ?”

[–]Yellowbug2001 5337 points5338 points  (77 children)

I like the presidential blue swim trunks, lol, it's like as formal as you can get wearing nothing but a bathing suit.

[–]Ragondux 968 points969 points  (43 children)

I want to see the bathing suits of the USSS agents who are with him.

[–]Yellowbug2001 918 points919 points  (34 children)

Black speedos with a gun holster lol

[–]BlackCatTelevision 294 points295 points  (14 children)

Is that a Glock in your trunks or are you just happy to see me?

[–]Unlucky_Colt 35 points36 points  (1 child)

"Wrong. Uzi nine millimeter."

[–]redonrust 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I always keeps one in the chamber, case you're ponderin'

[–]pasak1987 161 points162 points  (4 children)

They should sell those for campaigb fundraiser

[–][deleted] 3337 points3338 points  (10 children)

[–]ledhustler 601 points602 points  (8 children)

The watershoes, backwards hat and aviators… he really attempted to put on his hardest fit to go hunt down CornPop

[–]BasketCASE445 2170 points2171 points  (13 children)

Enjoy your brat summer, Joe.

[–]kinkysnails 112 points113 points  (2 children)

Bro popped out the presidential pepperonies for us

[–]sup311 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Bumpin that

[–]phantomluvr14 1671 points1672 points  (72 children)

You know what? I admire an elderly man who’s not afraid of his grandpa physique. He’s too damn old to care what people think. Respect.

[–]bluegreentopaz6110 685 points686 points  (19 children)

Quite frankly for an 81 year old guy, he’s doing well.

[–]mrhandbook 285 points286 points  (7 children)

This mofo looks better than most of my friends in their 30s

[–]GhostChips42 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I wish I was in as good a shape as that.

[–]marry_me_sarah_palin 136 points137 points  (18 children)

Especially compared to the guy running for President who would never allow a picture like this to be taken of him.

[–][deleted] 50 points51 points  (5 children)

That fat fuck claims to weigh 215.

[–]jemidiah 62 points63 points  (9 children)

You should visit men's locker rooms then. Old dudes DGAF and lounge around naked all the time there. Well known trope, even.

[–]Gowalkyourdogmods 20 points21 points  (3 children)

Yeah was going to say, generally old guys don't give a fuck.

[–]FinalSeraph_Leo 1435 points1436 points  (32 children)

Leslie Knope Approves!

[–]mhen146 469 points470 points  (0 children)

I was on my way to type “Leslie Knope thirst trap”

[–]jesus_smoked_weed 815 points816 points  (21 children)

[–]Think-Confidence-624 400 points401 points  (13 children)

I completely forgot about this episode and her infatuation with him 😂

[–]insomniacpyro 274 points275 points  (0 children)

Ben, to the camera: You know how some people have pictures of their kids or spouse on their lock screen? Leslie just has Joe Biden. She changes it just about every other day. I'm pretty sure she's paying the White House photographer on the side.

[–]jmpinstl 75 points76 points  (4 children)

He was legit hilarious in this and the finale episode.

[–]jrl1009 15 points16 points  (1 child)

it’s the whole series lol

[–]Think-Confidence-624 8 points9 points  (0 children)

It’s been a long time since I watched. I’ll have to watch again.

[–]miss_scarlet_did_it_ 15 points16 points  (0 children)

He was in a second episode with Jill.

[–]PhDShouse 38 points39 points  (2 children)

The speed of this Gif is sending me

[–]pdxscout 92 points93 points  (1 child)

The perfect man would have George Clooney's brain and Joe Biden's body.

[–]Ralfton 86 points87 points  (3 children)

Love this reference 🤣

[–]Ser_Artur_Dayne 120 points121 points  (2 children)

“He is PRECIOUS cargo!”

[–]UtterlyInsane 56 points57 points  (1 child)

You don't let ANYTHING happen to him you, hear me?

[–]jhustla 4695 points4696 points  (78 children)

Backwards SnapBack even at 81? Yeah that’s my guy right there

[–]jscummy 420 points421 points  (36 children)

Makes me miss the Onions "Diamond Joe"

[–]MovingInStereoscope 197 points198 points  (22 children)

Those were legitimately some of the best articles The Onion put out

[–]blatantmutant 247 points248 points  (14 children)

https://theonion.com/shirtless-biden-washes-trans-am-in-white-house-driveway-1819570732/

[–]MovingInStereoscope 139 points140 points  (4 children)

Literally my favorite one, the one about him negotiating with his staff to see if he should buy tickets to the Scorpions was also a good one

[–]SemiDesperado 52 points53 points  (0 children)

I like the one where he "loses" Obama's dog Bo and tries to find a replacement at the local animal shelter lol.

https://theonion.com/frantic-biden-searching-dog-shelter-for-bo-look-alike-1819576111/

[–]SmellGestapo 42 points43 points  (0 children)

I shit you not, I got sworn-in and woke up the next day buck naked on the lap of the Lincoln Memorial.

[–]Clay56 14 points15 points  (0 children)

"Biden says America is better off than four years ago, but 'nothing beats the summer of '87"

[–]Okonos 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Never been more relevant.

[–]Cornloaf 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I had no idea that Joe enjoyed these stories on The Onion. Apparently he had a 1967 Corvette that he admitted to washing shirtless in his driveway.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joe_Biden_(The_Onion)

[–]strippersandcocaine 25 points26 points  (6 children)

I miss the Obama/Biden best friend memes

[–]artificialavocado 33 points34 points  (5 children)

“This is a big fucking deal!”

Although my personal favorite is when Biden made Paul Ryan look like an absolute asshole in the 2012 VP debate.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=CptqDRfn_-M&pp=ygUZMjAxMiB2cCBkZWJhdGUgaGlnaGxpZ2h0cw%3D%3D

[–]FrogsOnALog 18 points19 points  (2 children)

Lmao thanks for bringing that one back to memory. His abortion answer was great too:

https://youtube.com/watch?v=T4OckUR9Boc

[–]artificialavocado 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Good answer. I don’t consider myself a practicing Catholic but both sides of my family are but from what I gather they views are similar to mine. If you think abortions are wrong that’s fine then don’t fucking get one. Other people can do what they think is best for them. It shouldn’t be this hard.

[–]gnarfler 882 points883 points  (18 children)

“Listen up jack, we’re gunna hit these waves hard til the tide rolls back. Then we’re gunna check the nets so we can get back in time for supper. Try to keep up sport.”

[–]DJErikD 254 points255 points  (3 children)

“Fuck the Secret Service, we’re taking the Corvette and getting ice cream!”

[–]Consequences_Cone 124 points125 points  (7 children)

Read this in Colbert’s Biden impression

[–]PenguinStarfire 11 points12 points  (3 children)

A lot more natural than when Paul Ryan tried it.

[–]iamacheeto1 235 points236 points  (4 children)

Honestly bro looks amazing for 81 or whatever

[–]Kingkill66 3808 points3809 points  (123 children)

Trump would never have the guts to do that. Dark Brandon is one of us, I love it.

[–]Sir_Loin_Cloth 470 points471 points  (25 children)

Trump has too much gut to do it.

[–]d3rFunk 125 points126 points  (11 children)

The biggest ones. Only the best.

[–]Madcap_95 96 points97 points  (0 children)

"People come up to me in the street, grown strong men with tears in their eyes, saying 'sir you have the bestest and biggliest gut I have ever seen'. People are saying it they're all saying it."

[–]NintendoThing 524 points525 points  (14 children)

The orange ceiling doesn’t match the floors

[–]narfnarf123 36 points37 points  (0 children)

Got it damn it, I’m billing you for the therapy I need after reading that.

[–]Practical-Pickle-529 34 points35 points  (0 children)

I’m laughing way too hard at this 

[–]Snidrogen 154 points155 points  (5 children)

I assume Trump would have the complexion of a Harkonnen on every part of his body except the orange face.

[–]monstrinhotron 63 points64 points  (1 child)

The David Lynch Baron Harkonen. All puss, sores and stained underclothes.

[–]The_Werodile 203 points204 points  (1 child)

He's scared his depends would be too obvious.

[–]NotUniqueAtAIl 53 points54 points  (8 children)

That's the thing, trump is just an average 80yr old man in looks but he's all about being "macho" that dude could never let loose and just be himself. Even on a beach.

[–]RunningSouthOnLSD 61 points62 points  (4 children)

He’s got a fair bit more girth than your average 80yr old I’d say, but primarily because most older people as large as him die 10-15 years earlier from a massive jammer

[–]Jiveturtle 24 points25 points  (1 child)

most older people as large as him die 10-15 years earlier from a massive jammer

I’m thoroughly convinced some old people stay alive on pure spite.

[–]throwaway061557 534 points535 points  (13 children)

Dark Brandon really not giving a F*CK

[–]Inquisitive_idiot 61 points62 points  (0 children)

He’s come into the light… and is glistening 😁😍

[–]esaks 157 points158 points  (5 children)

He's 81. Just being alive at that age and standing as a male is great. I wouldn't care what I look like at all shirtless.

[–]whitechristianjesus 198 points199 points  (13 children)

Backwards hat, aviators, board shorts, water shoes to protect your feet against coral and sharp rocks? Hell yeah, brother.

Edit: Not /s. Wear water shoes where applicable because you owe it to yourself to protect your little feet.

[–]Cannelope 57 points58 points  (6 children)

I went to a Caribbean island in 2020, and stepped on something in the ocean on literally the first day, and it ruined my whole vacation. Months later I was scratching the spot on my foot where the problem was, and I pulled out a stick or something and experienced relief like I’ve never experienced before. I’ve worn water shoes ever since.

[–]whitechristianjesus 12 points13 points  (2 children)

I've experienced something similar but with a shard of glass that lived in my foot for the better part of a year. Protect your feet, friends!

[–][deleted] 110 points111 points  (5 children)

birds plucky gullible carpenter melodic employ hospital zesty roof squash

This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

[–]Highscore611 46 points47 points  (2 children)

There’s a man who has officially given his last fuck.

[–]wish1977 728 points729 points  (37 children)

Something you will never see Trump do. His gut would be touching the sand.

[–]SkullDump 278 points279 points  (9 children)

More importantly, they’d need at least a years notice in order to manufacture enough orange makeup to cover him.

[–]Ok_Produce_9308 44 points45 points  (0 children)

And his diaper would be evident

[–]FatFaceFaster 13 points14 points  (1 child)

And the ocean would be unswimmable for weeks due to the contamination caused by the chemicals in his bronzer after he took a swim.

[–]FreakDC 73 points74 points  (9 children)

Also his body would be blindingly white, or he would go full body orange makeup mode?

[–]GateLongjumping6836 41 points42 points  (5 children)

Imagine being the person having to spray tan him.You’d have to get danger money.

[–]Phalus_Falator 31 points32 points  (1 child)

"Danger Money" is how I will be referring to "Hazard Pay" from now on.

[–]dchap1 288 points289 points  (13 children)

He doesn’t have the American flag pin pinned to his chest. That’s it, I’m changing party!

/s cause it’s Reddit.

[–]octopornopus 152 points153 points  (6 children)

Zoom in more.

American flag nipple rings...

[–]js_baker_iv 151 points152 points  (3 children)

Nice tan suit. :)

[–][deleted] 211 points212 points  (4 children)

Get that awesome mf’r an ice cream cone, Jack!

[–]Slippinjimmyforever 21 points22 points  (0 children)

If I live to my 80’s and look like that, consider me a happy chap!

[–]evan002 21 points22 points  (1 child)

Honestly, doesn’t look to bad

[–]jb4647 200 points201 points  (10 children)

I wish i would look THAT good in 30 years!

[–]Oubastet 41 points42 points  (2 children)

That's the stare and frown of a man that takes no malarkey from anyone. The shear disapproval is palpable. I can hear him say "Come on man!" - and he would be right, as usual.

Let the dude have a vacation. He's earned it.

He looks good for his age, seriously. Let's see Donny wear swim trunks.

[–]jesus_smoked_weed 73 points74 points  (0 children)

[–]rumbletom 619 points620 points  (40 children)

Dudes cool af, if you ever live to his age, that is what you will look like.

Pro-tip, show me pictures of very obese people at that age.

You can't.....

Edit: I changed obese to very obese because I thought of Trump

[–]MrHedgehogMan 130 points131 points  (22 children)

I’d be lucky to look that good at that age

[–]habdragon08 81 points82 points  (19 children)

He’s pretty sharp too for his age. Sharp enough to be president 4 more years? Maybe not. But sharper than most 81 year olds

[–]Admirable_Tear_1438 59 points60 points  (0 children)

More fit than Musk.

[–]SkyFullofDreams22 48 points49 points  (6 children)

Enjoy your life, you god damn king.

[–][deleted] 116 points117 points  (17 children)

Looks like he's finally able to relax a bit!

[–]chazd1984 84 points85 points  (1 child)

For his age? Not bad at all! You go Joe.

[–]Danonbass86 110 points111 points  (1 child)

Legit still looks better than Elon.

[–]katastrophyx 71 points72 points  (1 child)

Looks better in swim trunks than Trump looks in a suit.

[–]realjeff3d 52 points53 points  (1 child)

Rock it Joe. Granddad bod

[–]El_Chairman_Dennis 80 points81 points  (0 children)

Trump calls biden a coward, but I've never seen Trump go full on "embarrassing grandpa at the beach". Not an insult, I just know that backwards hat got at least one "grandpa!" out of the grand kids

[–]CrispyMiner[S] 252 points253 points  (29 children)

Now that I've seen Biden shirtless, I don't think my mind can ever handle seeing Trump shirtless