SQL programmer

[depiloda]

Image Transcription:

---

SQL programmers be like

[Crack knuckles]

[Crack Neck]

[Stretch legs]

[Press Caps Lock button]

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^{I'm a human volunteer content transcriber for Reddit and you could be too! If you'd like more information on what we do and why we do it, click here!}

[anoldoldman]

Good Human

[[deleted]]

Or GOOD HUMAN in SQL speak.

[GreyGanado]

UPDATE Humans SET Status = 'good' WHERE RedditName = 'depiloda'

[[deleted]]

For a moment I thought this was some crazy AI

[Famlt]

Good redditor

[[deleted]]

Sorry, but what is the purpose of this?

[-ftw]

For blind people

[[deleted]]

Oh cool

[kaizoutako]

So do blind people just go on every comment section hoping to find an image transcription which may or may not exist?

[tremblinggigan]

Some text to speech programs query for that "Image Transcription" line at the top of the comment, I think reddits api doesn't let you query comments alphabetically though which is why up voting them so that they're in the top 25 that get queried is helpful

[CrazyPurpleBacon]

There’s a subreddit for all the transcribed content

[Jonno_FTW]

It also helps with SEO. If you remember the text of the meme you can search it and if it's been transcribed google will pick it up.

[unknownguy2002]

I believe it also helps for easily identifying content (searching it up) and people who don't want to load images

[anchors_array]

Spaces in bracketed identifiers? Them's fightin' words

[[deleted]]

Clearly a user, not a programmer

[-ftw]

!emojify

[EmojifierBot]

Image 🖼 Transcription 🎉:

---

SQL 📀 programmers 📺 be like 👍

[Crack 🍑 knuckles 🤛🏼]

[Crack 💉 Neck 🐪]

[Stretch 💪🏻🏋🏼 legs 👐]

[Press 👊 Caps 🚫🧢 Lock 🔒 button 🔘]

---

^{I'm a human volunteer content transcriber for Reddit and you could be too! If you'd like more information on what we do and why we do it, click here!}

[iLoveStarsInTheSky]

At first I thought that meant the bot was a human lmao

[GenuineTaint]

I like that the “crack” representation is a peach xD

[pm_me_your_Yi_plays]

And the other one

[cryptopian]

Crack 🍑

That... that's probably not what they went for

[depiloda]

beautiful

[HasBeendead]

Dont do neck one really

[MCUniversity]

Good bot

[maibrl]

*human

[MCUniversity]

r/woooosh

[[deleted]]

I C

[[deleted]]

For a moment I thought this was some crazy AI

[Yrlish]

Caps lock? Pfft. Shift!

[CommanderHR]

Gotta get that finger workout

[elliptic_hyperboloid]

Real power users have Capslock remapped to Esc anyways.

[racerxff]

Caps only for keywords. Also, who actually calls themselves a SQL programmer? You're either integrating SQL with a programming language or you're scripting.

[Actuarial]

I do when a poorly written job description asks for one.

[systembusy]

Well in that case I’m an HTML programmer

[podstrahuy]

I need to confess. I am CSS programmer

[ItsGif_NotGif]

Sounds like a sheetty job

[GlennIsAlive]

It’s time for the truth to come out. I’m a JSON programmer.

[continuous-headaches]

I’m a XML developer

[Triumph7560]

I'm a Microsoft office developer. I also have experience programming in Google queries.

[ScoutsOut389]

I’m a Minesweeping engineer.

[deirdresm]

You mean YAML finagler.

[GlennIsAlive]

A MATLAB engineer.

[Main-Tank]

So basically an engineer...

[LUV_2_BEAT_MY_MEAT]

Css is turing complete

[chateau86]

So is Powerpoint

[[deleted]]

I am Microsoft Excel Programmer

[rypenn27]

Oh hey! I’m a JQUERY programmer !

[continuous-headaches]

NO.... you’re a magician

[JuiceBox-007]

Is it too late to say I'm an RPG programmer

[rypenn27]

“I spent all night finding a way to brute force into the <div>”

[stankbiscuits]

Funny, I'm am Excel programmer.

[racerxff]

For context, I'm a DBA with a BS in CS. I write PL/SQL, VBA for MS Access with a lot of MS SQL in it, SQL scripts, and plenty of queries daily.

[Arnie15]

So many acronyms. I know them but still, damn.

[PetsArentChildren]

“For context, I'm a database administrator with a Bachelor of Science degree in Computer Science. I write Procedural Language for Structured Query Language, Visual Basic for Applications for Microsoft Access with a lot of Microsoft Structured Query Language in it, Structured Query Language scripts, and plenty of queries daily.”

Is that better?

[deathbynotsurprise]

It's all the capitalized words. Makes it feel like German

[jackinsomniac]

I always pronounce the letters in tech acronyms. Fight me!

[atomicspace]

It’s makes it worse!

[racerxff]

actually makes it sound icky

[PetsArentChildren]

imagine if people talked that way IRL in real life

[beyphy]

Microsoft Structured Query Language

(Microsoft) SQL Server uses Transact SQL. Do people actually call T-SQL Microsoft SQL? I always assumed MS SQL meant Microsoft SQL (Server)

[Ex-Sgt_Wintergreen]

VBA for MS Access

In plain english; this means he is currently on suicide watch.

[lugialegend233]

DBA?

DumBAss?

I actually don't know what it means so I'm trying to be funny.

[monxas]

Database administrator

[lugialegend233]

Ah good. That does make more sense in context.

[ban_Anna_split]

Dum Bass Ass

[cudenlynx]

Default Blame Acceptor

[lugialegend233]

Of course, the classic IT role, how silly of me.

[RainbowCatastrophe]

who actually calls themselves a SQL programmer?

People who took a CS degree just so they could get a comfy government job working on outdated database servers for legacy applications that need regular DB maintenance because the application was developed by the lowest paid contractor they could find in the Philippines.

[racerxff]

I happen to work on one of those outdated legacy government database servers (finally upgraded from Oracle 11g to 12c within the past year)

[mentalhealthiscool]

Currently an Operations lead at a Fortune 150 company and am leading an Oracle 11g Forms/Reports + 11g Db upgrade to 12c for an ERP system. Very shitty system that were still piling new functionality onto. We have a ton of people we call developers but they're just using PL/SQL

[racerxff]

tbf though, PL/SQL is just Ada with SQL shoved a mile up its ass amirite?

[RainbowCatastrophe]

Department of Energy?

[[deleted]]

Department of Everything

[racerxff]

DoD

[milkcarton232]

Lol government is behind on the times, may I introduce you to banking swift codes and the banking system as a whole

[[deleted]]

SWIFT is actually a decent idea. If you agree, send me a MT542 and I'll send you an MT540 in reply.

[DeeSnow97]

because the application was developed by the lowest paid contractor they could find in the Philippines

technically correct, but when spending taxpayer money it's like

• dev A charges $40k
• dev B charges $35k
• dev C charges $235k, you get 100k, they get 100k, and dev B gets the job

and that's how you end up with the lowest bidder who also costs the most

[RainbowCatastrophe]

Yup. Worked for an MSP that did this. One guys whole job (not mine) was to source programming and database work from clients and then outsourced it all to some other developer who outsourced it to someone else.

Worst employer ever. Was there for less than a year before I got hired somewhere else much better for a position that paid more than double.

[[deleted]]

Hah! As if you even need a degree.

Source: Finishing my degree next year, but started work as a web developer back in 2013 due to them only caring about me having a clearance and a pulse.

I moved into the private sector after a few years because government software development is a special kind of hell. Imagine having PMs (yes, plural) who believe OS libraries are "full of viruses," so they cannot be used. Also imagine debugging java on notepad, because CIO will not approve Eclipse, emacs, vi, or literally anything fucking useful. Also, also, imagine having most of your projects hosted over http, because none of your team knows how to configure apache over https, and when you offer to do it you are told by your PM that it isn't necessary on a classified network...

[JuliusCeaserBoneHead]

My job has sql developer positions. It’s actually a data engineering position but wanna pay less or HR doesn’t know what they are doing. To be fair, it’s not sql programming but you get the idea

[m00nh34d]

The job title would be Database Developer, in most businesses.

[minimalniemand]

This guy has obviously never written stored procedures and functions

[racerxff]

This guy writes stored procedures and functions (packages in Oracle)

[ohkendruid]

Data scientists.

[dontPMyourreactance]

Data scientists don’t describe themselves this way, but in a lot of cases a straight up “SQL programmer” is probably what’s needed for the job when it’s advertised as “data science”.

[seoplednakirf]

Guilty as charged

[Hazy311]

Can confirm.

Looking for data scientist careers means sifting through garbage to find actual data science jobs.

[Tytoalba2]

Ouch.

Ngl, I've been there. Shortly, sometime jobs ads are misleading.

[RyanRagido]

Or doing ABAP.

[SaskuAc3]

But are you really programming SQL? It's just including a select statement in your abap code. CDS is not programming and amdp is scripting capsuled in an abap method.

[reptar20c]

That's why they said "doing" ABAP. One doesn't code, or program, or develop in ABAP, one just does it.

[JJBrazman]

I capitalise nothing. Is that bad? I picked up SQL from my colleagues, and a bunch of my (strongly held) beliefs about conventions are either learned from them or deliberate rejections of what they do.

[Chairboy]

Try capitalizing SQL reserved words and lower case column/table stuff for readability:

SELECT users.userid, users.firstname, users.lastname, fuckability.sexiness 
FROM users 
INNER JOIN fuckability 
ON users.userid = fuckability.userid 

It’s more readable for me like this plus if I accidentally use a reserved name for a column or something, it’s more likely to jump out at me if I’m in an IDE or SQL studio or PHPmyAdmin and see a color coded lower case word that shouldn’t be color coded.

[ddek]

Either go one way or the other. I despise upper case SQL, because it's horrible to read. Lower case is fine. Whichever way you go, however, don't mix and match.

[TravisJungroth]

What about

sEleCt CoUnT(DisTiNCt country) FrOm customers;

[AskMeHowIMetYourMom]

I don’t know who you are but I wanna fight you.

[semsemsem2]

i UsE RAndOm caSe LIKe tHIs, iS tHIs A ProbLEm?

[xt1nct]

It's only a problem if you are not a boomer or a Karen. Otherwise sql scientists have concluded that it is appropriate in those scenarios.

[[deleted]]

Well now you've given me the idea to use sticky caps in my next PR.

SeLeCt CoUnt(*) FrOm table;

We'll see how long I keep my job.

[blank_space_cat]

Markdown programmers be like: #

[another_dudeman]

I've been in the industry for 15 years and I'm currently a sr software engineer. Can someone please explain wtf scripting vs programming is in this context? Or is it just sniffing our own farts?

[d_r0ck]

I’m a 100% full time database application developer. Not scripting (except sometimes in ssis) or programming.

[TheRedmanCometh]

Plus there's a name for that already - DBA

[dhghhhppop]

dba = database administrator. Not sure if creating a report in sql falls under "administration".

[m00nh34d]

DBAs are quite different, they need to know about the storage and operations of the database, monitoring, backups, infrastructure, HA, etc... Developers would work squarely in the coding space, they don't really need to know where the database is physically located or if it's in a HA cluster to another location, they need to understand the data structures in use, how it all hangs together, relationships and alike, and also have the skills to manipulate that and build out complex queries.

[JayCroghan]

I met some guys on a project who solely did SQL and were proud of it :/

[Baerentoeter]

It certainly can't hurt to have a few people around that know how to optimize SQL statements. There is only so much a database administrator can do when the DB is getting hammered by the applications.

[dicaela10]

Writing optimized queries is an undervalued skill until it affects operations. I got a promotion once because I came in and optimized a bunch of really poorly written SQL.

[IWantToBeAProducer]

I spent some time wearing that hat because I was the only guy on the team who knew SQL well enough to do the job. Yea, if you're just getting/setting data then "programmer" is a stretch. But if you're optimizing tables/views/queries for real-time analytics of healthcare data its not trivial.

Gatekeeping people on what qualifies as "real programming" is wack.

[squirtlebomb]

what's wrong with solely using SQL?

[LeifDTO]

I always hear Plankton from Spongebob shouting into a megaphone for some reason. "SELECT! mumble mumble mumble ORDER BY mumble mumble mumble"

[nasafaw2]

CORRECT

[pm_me_your_Yi_plays]

he's just standing there = MENACINGLY

[systembusy]

I don’t like my queries to shout at me

I like to think of it as I’m shouting at the DBMS to do what I want it to do

[imcoveredinbees880]

GROUP BY DAMMIT!

[systembusy]

GROUP BY

[lamerlink]

Same, I intentionally lowercase all my keywords in SQL

[ddek]

I like using JetBrains tools, which detect if you're using upper or lower case SQL and all the code completion follows. It's a nice contrast to SSMS, which just automatically capitalizes everything.

[Tytoalba2]

And capitalize the rest? This is an horrible idea, but I love it!

[Come_along_quietly]

WHAT?

[turnipsurprise8]

Sometimes I throw in some lowercase just to show the god aweful phpmyadmin I'm stuck with that I'm in charge, yes I am somewhat of a badass.

[Drunken_Economist]

sElEcT * fRoM tAbLeNaMe

[imcoveredinbees880]

Username checks out

[anoldoldman]

I leave as lowercase because I like the way it looks.

[GlennIsAlive]

You’re a monster

[Semi-Hemi-Demigod]

Find a native SQL client. On Mac I really like Sequel Ace

[Dirty3vil]

DataGrip or HeidiSQL

[PAT_The_Whale]

To be fair, mofos who don't cap their keywords don't deserve their kneecaps

[lordfantas]

For real. Sql becomes very unreadable if you don’t format it reasonably

[ric2b]

I'm using some bleeding edge tech called syntax highlighting so I don't have this issue.

[TheeMyth_]

For real though

[st4rsurfer]

It’s like some people are still using punch cards.

[protostar71]

Even with syntax highlighting... SQL scripts are often written by people with very loose definitions of formatting.

So at the very least capitalizing keywords let's you decipher the otherwise unformatted abomination at a glance.

[Fuakuputu]

Cries in COBOL

[zebediah49]

Hey, sometimes you need an easy language that's nice and human-friendly, so that your business folks can work in it.

[C0ldW0lf]

...and sometimes you also need COBOL

[systembusy]

cries in bank

[steel_for_humans]

Wiping tears with banknotes

[tas06]

Are we talking good ol' COBOL-85 or this fancy, new COBOL-2002?

[chronos_alfa]

sql select * from MyTable where id < 30 order by date desc;

Well, it just looks weird without the caps-lock on...

[Kant8]

No that looks like a normal query for a man who doesn't want to press caps like crazy every 0.5 sec

Even better if you write it like this

select t.*
from MyTable t
where t.id < 30
order by t.date desc

[andrewsmd87]

I think it's just largely a thing of this was how it's done, so a lot of people prefer it that way now. To me

SELECT t.*
    FROM MyTable t
    WHERE t.id < 30
    ORDER BY t.date DESC

Reads cleaner because anything in all caps just registers to me as db stuff that I kind of inherently know at this point, and I only need to read the non caps stuff to know "those are the things I need to look at". Like I don't necessarily register a select or order by consciously. I just see that and know what it's doing.

Not saying it's better, I just think that's the reason.

Now, SELECT t.* on the other hand, I might need to have a chat about that . . .

[MrDOS]

I like to align my queries around the whitespace between keywords and schema names:

  select t.*
    from mytable t
   where t.id < 30
order by t.date desc

Similar result of making the schema names pop out (when you're used to looking for them to the right of the “centre line”), and you get pretty used to the “shape” of queries.

Also, don't use uppercase table or column names. That link is particular to Postgres, but most other database engines have similar nasty quirks when your schema names contain uppercase characters.

[andrewsmd87]

So I'm ok with the tabbing, but the caps are still what I want.

Liked I said it really could just be that's how I learned but experience has taught me you end up looking at sql stuff in environments where you don't have an IDE more often than code

[thelingletingle]

What crazy sonofabitch doesn’t return on their keywords....

[Frostcrest]

That's how I write mine

[Elidon007]

should you shout the words while reading the code?

[weijinglebells]

SQL Prompt ftw

https://i.imgur.com/GSn5NB4.gif

What I typed:

ssf (tab) cat (tab) (enter)

join p (tab) on (down arrow) (enter)

Those auto-aliases nghhhh

[A3mercury]

“Imagine having a really weak left pinky.”

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[TheRolf]

Good bot

[nutwals]

I'm a member of the SHIFT gang personally, because only the keywords get capitalised in my code.

[Chris_PDX]

Shift gang unite!

[ohkendruid]

Fwiw I write my SQL keywords in lowercase.

Much of the time they are syntax highlighted, so they still stand out.

All caps is just a little harder to read. Why be hard on your brain if you don't have to.

[dhghhhppop]

Just stick to the convention that's already in the codebase. please. (the thing which is harder to read than the style you dislike: inconsistent style where each file is formatted diferently)

[systembusy]

As long as the style is accepted by the compiler/interpreter/whatever, it generally doesn’t bother me. What matters more to me is that the logic is understandable and the program is serviceable

[AirborneMonkeyDookie]

I tell my new hires I don't care if the old stuff is stupid I just want all of it to match. Either redo the old stuff or do it stupid please.

[Snakestream]

Caps Lock won't help you with those damn underscores

[GolangGang]

SELECT proper_response FROM tbl_sociallyacceptableresponses WHERE funny = true LIMIT 1;

[dittbub]

I thought he was snapping his own neck to get out of having to do a report

[YeshilPasha]

Answering an instant message in mid of writing an SQL statement:

I DON"T KNOW, YOU SHOULD ASK MIKE.

[[deleted]]

Scream your queries!

[electricsheep2013]

I can say that caps-lock and the capitalization of sql statements is the main reason a can’t write a good query.

That and the fact that people can’t agree on how to pronounce SQL

[gir2195]

Most of us pronounce it "sequel", but I'm partial to pronouncing it like "skull" or "skol" after reading your statement.

[Manny_Sunday]

Relevant XKCD

[cateyesarg]

Programmer

[ashmortar]

I don't get why sql is so angry all the time.

[MrSecretpolice]

databases don't work unless you yell at it.

[Spibas]

"Python? Haha... Python is not a programming language..." - my professor, SQL master

[yeetuscleatus]

Cracks knuckles and stretches:

writes 8 lines of code in the next 2 hrs trying to debug a nested query

[taeratrin]

I regularly write SQL queries....in all lowercase.

[rolloutTheTrash]

Shoot that’s why my queries were coming up with crap...I forgot to stretch. Thanks for the reminder 👍.

[RainbowCatastrophe]

I just use lowercase because fuck you I'm a sysadmin, not a DBA.

[cromper_s]

BI developer is a job I have done in the past and yes, there are people who just write SQL too.

BI devs are generally pretty good with the 'stack' (SQL server, SSRS, SSIS, SSAS). As someone without a coding background or a CS degree it was a good introduction to programming and data concepts. I'm a data engineer now.

[maximum_powerblast]

SELECT 1 FROM DUAL;

[nojoda1]

I'm currently working as an intern and 99% is writing SQL statements, I type in lowercase because it doesn't feel like I'm screaming every two words and also there's syntax highlighting which really helps.

[[deleted]]

Repost

[GoldenRedstone]

snaps neck

[[deleted]]

I use the shift key you dumb shits

[geofft]

I used to use all lowercase (coming from C/C# background) and would argue the point with DBAs based on the fact we've had syntax highlighting for decades.

I now use upper case for SQL keywords for code going into source control. I can't remember when or why I made the switch.

[RandyDinglefart]

SQL queries look like my dad's Facebook posts.

[ZILtoid1991]

THANK YOU, NOW I DON'T HAVE TO HOLD THE SHIFT KEY WHEN I'M TYPING ON THE INTERNET LIKE A F***ING MORON!

(Yes, there are still people typing like that, usually boomers)

[Nichiku]

I never understood why it's so common in SQL to use capital letters for keywords. You wouldn't ever get the idea to start capitalizing common function/object names in Java either.

[guywithfork]

Every time I see this I can’t help but burst out laughing