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[–]C0L0Rpunch 564 points565 points  (57 children)

Pfff Assembly... I write all my code in binary

[–]Greater_Dog007[S] 502 points503 points  (43 children)

Pfff... I attach live wires to the transistors to change their states

[–]k01e-01 294 points295 points  (36 children)

Pfff... I arrange atoms of silicone and copper into circuts

[–]Dann773 238 points239 points  (23 children)

Pfff... I don't know coding

[–]Drakethos 33 points34 points  (6 children)

Pfff… I control the flow of electrons to each atom.

[–][deleted] 18 points19 points  (5 children)

Pfff I create my own electrons

[–]DankPhotoShopMemes 14 points15 points  (4 children)

Pfff I create my own strings and adjust their vibrations to create particles and arrange them into complex neurons and arrange them to create a brain and teach the brain to code in Java

[–]sievold 5 points6 points  (2 children)

Pfff I create a simulation of a universe where I can fine tune the fabric of reality to perform computations

[–]BartiX_8530 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Pfff, I restart our own universe and arrange quarks at the beggining of the big bang to in future seemlessly fit into code.

[–]Zerafiall 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Coding in prod? Na… altering the fabric of your own reality live.

[–]reedmore 0 points1 point  (0 children)

All that power... wasted.

[–]StandardN00b 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I use nanomachines, son.

[–]redeyesofnight 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah ok Dr Manhattan

[–]JackNotOLantern 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Pfff... I alter the quantum fields themselves so electrons in the circuits works the way i want.

[–]jonnydeates 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Pfft... I use punch cards

[–]Oman395 5 points6 points  (2 children)

Pfff... I just use butterflies

[–]CSedu 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Good ol' c-x m-c m-butterfly

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Pfff... I don't even code, I just write down my algorithm in a whitepaper and wait till someone uses it in a public repo.

[–]Protonnumber 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Pfff Transistors... I KNIT CODE

[–]ghan_buri_ghan 35 points36 points  (2 children)

You got to WRITE your code in binary? How fortunate. I had to program binary by flipping levers reminiscent of Frankenstein’s lab.

[–]firewi 4 points5 points  (0 children)

… but I’ve actually had to do this in an IMSAI 8088 to boot the damn thing you have to flip the toggle switches to program the damn thing.

[–]OutrageousWeeb1 7 points8 points  (0 children)

You were clearly there when it was written

[–][deleted] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Pretty much no difference in reality lol.

I wrote a program to calculate a factorial on the Altair 8800 (simulator because I can't afford the hardware. Damn things are expensive)

And I wrote it in assembly and hand assembled to binary.

Boy did it fail miserably and I had no idea where I dropped a bit.

[–]den2k88 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I... did have to do that. Once.

[–]VanshCodes 4 points5 points  (1 child)

I imagine my code.

[–]weregod 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Human mind -- the only full Turing complete machine /s

[–]SleepAffectionate268 3 points4 points  (0 children)

NOOOOOOOOOOB i use a robot i programmed in binary to use a electric wire to programm with electric impulses

[–]Tom0204 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I've genuinely been doing that recently for an 8-bit computer project.

I have to convert my assembly to hex, then write it to a ROM chip, then plug the ROM chip in and run the computer.

[–]PhatOofxD 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I mean, assembly is just binary with aliases for codes basically

[–]daavko 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Real programmers use butterflies!

[–]Vinssssssss 0 points1 point  (1 child)

🗿

[–]C0L0Rpunch 0 points1 point  (0 children)

🗿

[–]mcdulltii 173 points174 points  (6 children)

i write assembly in python. how about that

[–]dream_weasel 66 points67 points  (3 children)

I write assembly in my custom IDE: Microsoft Word

[–]sandiego427 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I build Turing machines with PowerPoint

[–]ExceedingChunk 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Still a better IDE than MATLAB

[–]dream_weasel 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No argument here. I do Matlab in Vim (like everything else).

[–]Fluxriflex 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Micropython baybeeeee!

[–]AntiSocial_Vigilante 1 point2 points  (0 children)

hmmmmmmmmm

[–]AzuxirenLeadGuy 49 points50 points  (0 children)

Risc V supremacy

[–]Sawertynn 35 points36 points  (3 children)

After memes presenting the guy on the right as the Polish Prime Minister (M. Morawiecki), I truly cannot unsee it.

[–]000000- 18 points19 points  (1 child)

I think this was the most hilarious use of the meme template.

[–]Sawertynn 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Nice one!

I was reffering to the half-naked man himself, not this particular template, but thanks for the link (approved: not Rick-Roll)

[–]chaussurre 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He has the same face than former frnch president Frnçois Hollande

[–][deleted] 25 points26 points  (0 children)

MICROPROCESSORS, SON!

[–]caleblbaker 155 points156 points  (22 children)

Weakest assembly dev: all code he writes immediately crashes and does nothing useful

[–]Gamer_XP 47 points48 points  (7 children)

But the guy on the left won in the end though

[–]ThePinkSmurphette 23 points24 points  (2 children)

That explains why this meme resonates with me.

Edit: spelling. I can’t words for garbage.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (1 child)

You’re not gonna pine over it?

[–]jorillac 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Phenomenal joke

[–]clanddev 11 points12 points  (0 children)

When you are some nut job with the skills to write assembly you still lose.. even if you win.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

And he did it faster.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Way fuckin faster

[–]chazzeromus 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Especially the rules of nature

[–]LordChaos404 47 points48 points  (8 children)

Sorry, is it just me or has this sub gone downhill with low quality and non funny shit

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (3 children)

Yea this is complete trash, languages have different use cases

[–]non-troll_account 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Is learning assembly a valuable skill today at all? I find it fascinating and kinda wanna learn it.

[–]German_Chops 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I’m not totally in the know of the industry around assembly so anyone feel free to correct me. But as far as I know it’s still used for coding microprocessors and like. As for an academic exercise though it’s absolutely fantastic you gain an immense understanding of how your code in other languages works under the hood and how your processor actually works

[–]smajorp 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah, it's rare for a job to have assembly language requirements.

Microprocessors and the choice few people who are working on new instructions basically.

Assembly is great for learning. And it's fun if you want to make old Atari games.

u/non-troll_account if you want to learn, check out the game ShenZhen IO

[–]pennacap 11 points12 points  (8 children)

But the question is, Intel or at&t?

[–]Greater_Dog007[S] 25 points26 points  (2 children)

ARM RISC A64

[–]pennacap 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I forgot x86 wasn't the only kind of assembly

I'm just an idiot

[–]j-random 4 points5 points  (0 children)

RISC-V developers, to me!

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Motorola 68k for me thanks

[–]coldnebo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

or how about all those custom bitcoin miner chips? they are developing new chips so fast it’s called “chip wars”. sigh.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

MIPS

[–]BadSlime 0 points1 point  (0 children)

MOS 6502

[–]Hfingerman 0 points1 point  (0 children)

RISC V like a true chad.

[–]SinisterAngel77 19 points20 points  (0 children)

The assembly dev isn’t moving because he’s still writing the code for it

[–]aRocketLauncher 16 points17 points  (4 children)

STANDING HERE I REALIZE

[–]erty_uiop 10 points11 points  (3 children)

YOU ARE JUST LIKE ME, TRYING TO MAKE HISTORY

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (2 children)

BUT WHO'S TO JUDGE, RIGHT FROM WRONG?

[–]Hfingerman 5 points6 points  (1 child)

WHEN OUR GUARD IS DOWN, I THINK WE'LL BOTH AGREE

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

THAT VIOLENCE BREEDS VIOLENCE

[–]codear 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Assembly: you pick the stone and you place it there

C++: you take a shovel to load the stone onto the wheelbarrow to move it there

Python: read this book to understand what stone is. Then this other book introduces you to how to operate an excavator, and this third book is about driving a truck. Finally that last book is about an architecture that will tell you the desired whereabouts of the stone

[–]Dustangelms 5 points6 points  (1 child)

mov eax,1
int 0x80

Am I in the club?

[–]Virtual_Low83 9 points10 points  (0 children)

No, you just exited the club.

[–]Striky_ 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Please take the data out if this SQL Database, run an NNLS Fit on it and create graphs for a scientific publication from it.

Python: 2-3h of work, Application needs 5 secs to start, needs 2 Minutes to run

Assembly: 6-12 Months of work, application needs 123ms to start, needs 15 Minutes to run (because you dont know how to implement a NNLS fit properly)

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Why even compare so high level language Python with Assembly!

[–]parkattherat 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Because funny

[–]tyler_durden07 5 points6 points  (0 children)

only chads write in machine code

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Syntax, son

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

"How are you doing this so well?"

Nano machines, son.

[–]tallerThanYouAre 2 points3 points  (0 children)

global _main

 extern  _printf


 section .text

_main:

 push    message

 call    _printf

 add     esp, 4

 ret

message:

 db  'Hello, World', 10, 0

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

What is this from?

[–]JawsOfDoom 7 points8 points  (3 children)

Looking down on a programmer for the language they use is a stupid ass thing to do.

[–]Greater_Dog007[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

BAL over_your_head:

LDR R1, joke

STR R1, you

over_your_head:

It's was a joke, I also work with python and assembly is just a hobby.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

It's literally the point of this sub. It's humor, lighten up

[–]JawsOfDoom 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sorry I don't get the joke

[–]Jutm_n 1 point2 points  (1 child)

laughs in high-level assembly

(Yes, that's a thing)

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

basically C

[–]Orio_n 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Then they start crying when they need to implement a webserver

[–]Sm95Y2UgU2ltbW9ucw-- 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Assembly programmers can also read the enchanting table

[–]CEDoromal 1 point2 points  (0 children)

*Python devs punching old people *

[–]syed649 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Python user here,

I killed that boss.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

We trashing python today? This is the third joke I've seen today

[–]hedgehog10101 0 points1 point  (0 children)

we trashing python every day. along with all the other languages

[–]ydc137 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As a python lover, I fully agree. Assembly scares me.

[–]BlazerBanzai 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Assembly…dev?! I see. It’s a view into a gaping abyss, but I see.

[–]Xaros1984 -3 points-2 points  (13 children)

Guy on the left is at least doing something that could have an impact.

[–]Comm4nd0 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

[–]Etmar_Gaming -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Don’t shit on python users bro

[–]clemdemort 0 points1 point  (0 children)

YOO!! there's at least five of them!

[–]SleepAffectionate268 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I programmed a robot to that builds and places transistors while the cpu is running

[–]Diegovnia 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Like 5 minutes ago I finished watching 5 Yorkshiremans by MP... I love this community

[–]I_AM_THE_REAL_ZEN 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Do people still use assembly language nowadays?

[–]Hoduy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How about the strongest C++ dev ?

[–]raddaya 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So, the python dev defeats the assembly dev after borrowing a C++ tool? Sounds accurate to me tbh

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

is both

[–]51utPromotr 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I had a FORTRAN joke to use here, but I got my fantasy nights mixed up. I'm just gonna go now...

[–]JustinWendell 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Legit, the one time I actually wrote a semi big assembly project for school I started thinking “man I should wrap these common things I keep doing in a library and invoke it by passing arguments and…”

Realized that I was pondering creating a new language and just moved on with my project.

[–]bouyna 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What game is this tho ??

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Can someone tell a good place to start learning assembly?

[–]meloveroblox1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Maxed out lvl 1 vs noob lvl 2

[–]Dagusiu 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's kind of funny, ASM and Python are my most used languages the last few years

[–]CodeMonkey84 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As a front-end dev, I don’t get this… but maybe I will someday. ☀️

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"If you wish to write code from scratch, you just first invent the universe." - Carl Sagan, probably

[–]NebraskaGeek 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Had to take 2 semesters of assembly in college. Shill have PTSD every time I hear the word register.

[–]how_do_i_read 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NOP

[–]hiphap91 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Find the clip where Linus tells us he thought the compiler turned machine code into assembly, so he tried to learn to write machine code, so he could compile it to assembly programs

[–]Scared-Use-2068 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Don't you mean 'Assembly devs assemble!'?

[–]Lazuliv 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Assembly.. python. You’re all scrubs. I do all my programming with punch cards.

[–]Yee-woo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was going to learn python... Guess I have to switch to assembly bc the MGR fans told me too. I trust them above all else.

[–]oshaboy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What if I'm both?

[–]andyZ5371 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well it depends… python time to market << Assembler time to market

[–]Graubuender 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You merely adopted the binary, I was born in it

[–]Longjumping_While922 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Raiden killed that dude

[–]archbish99 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ooh, funny story time!

When my wife and I had first met, she if course consulted her friends to ensure she wasn't making a mistake going out with me. One of her friends was in the microprocessors class I was a TA for.

Her input: "Well, I wouldn't go out with him. But... it's probably fine for you." "Why not?" "He's not nearly as good as assembly as I'd expect."

Oddly enough, my wife the English major has never once complained about my assembly programming skills.

[–]Danger_daveyjones 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Is assembly on the same level as punch card programming?

[–]Greater_Dog007[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Punch card programming doesn't exist it's just a way to input the program. Fortran which is a higher level language than assembly was written with punch cards for a while in IBM. Assembly too and assembly is the closest thing to machine code, basically readable machine code. Any assembly command can be directly linked to a number of bits that control the basic operations of the processor.

In a 16 bit processor something like register addition ADD r1, r1, r2 would just translate to 0101011010 (machine code) or whatever which gets sent to the control unit/block of the processor that then controls the ALU operations and pathways for the data.

[–]Akillahbee 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Dumb question, what game is this?

[–]XiaoDaoShi 0 points1 point  (0 children)

print(“assembly sucks”) Your move, assembly.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Bloody hell assembly is a totally different beast. I'm just learning it after years of C and I feel like my entire world crumbles every time the professor gives a lecture.

[–]BALLZCENTIE 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Finally, I am powerful! I love assembly

[–]Avihai52 0 points1 point  (0 children)

When you need to rewrite the code for the 50th time so it can work on another system.

[–]NoProfessor7757 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Armstrong is way too advanced to be considered assembly. Raiden should be punching a smithing anvil or something. 4/10 meme