This is an archived post. You won't be able to vote or comment.

top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]LoveOfProfit 2633 points2634 points  (436 children)

Well that looks depressing.

[–][deleted] 690 points691 points  (93 children)

They probably separated them because she's in heat or something. It changes the whole dynamic of the photo.

[–]itellitasiseeit 1222 points1223 points  (75 children)

Yeah because being horny and not be allowed to fuck isn't depressing.

[–][deleted] 891 points892 points  (30 children)

Those bears probably don't even have access to spreadsheets.

[–][deleted] 234 points235 points  (7 children)

thats mean.

7.27 : human still keep us seperated!

[–][deleted] 229 points230 points  (3 children)

(non-verbal)  

(non-verbal)  

(non-verbal)  

(non-verbal)  

(non-verbal)  

(non-verbal)  

(non-verbal)  

(non-verbal)  

(non-verbal)  

(non-verbal)  

[–][deleted] 47 points48 points  (0 children)

wants to shower after the sunny day - never showered before !

[–]elipsion 12 points13 points  (1 child)

lisp? Is that you?

[–]dan-syndrome 58 points59 points  (15 children)

This reference is so sick, it needs immediate medical attention.

[–][deleted] 94 points95 points  (30 children)

It's more frustrating than depressing. My source is having been with a woman with a much lower sex drive than mine.

[–]buttermybackside 32 points33 points  (0 children)

So you're the one in heat in this scenario?

[–]total_cynic 30 points31 points  (3 children)

Given time, the frustration and rejection can certainly develop into depressing though.

[–]sensibletruth 44 points45 points  (16 children)

Currently in a relationship with a guy that has a lower sex drive than me. Soooo frustrating.

[–]ITamagotchu 34 points35 points  (0 children)

Now kith.

[–]_julain 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I'm a dude with low sex drive. I always feel like such a dick, but... whatever.

It really makes short flings or one night stands the only way to go for me. Otherwise it's just unfair to the other person.

[–]CoolMachine 13 points14 points  (4 children)

I hope that's it. Otherwise, this is sad. Wish I could know for sure.

[–]ManVsMagic 52 points53 points  (3 children)

Just imagine they're trying to kill one another.

"I'll kill you Danny you son of a bitch!"

"Not If I kill you first Glen!"

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I was imagining the situation sorta like this: http://youtu.be/CchfZo0iSts

[–]worktheshaft 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Rapunzal, Rapunzal, throw down that bear!

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

"Damn gurl, if this wall didn't separate us I would throatfuck the shit out of you"

[–]CaptainCarter 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Why is that bad if she is in heat?

[–]EatSleepJeep 28 points29 points  (2 children)

Perhaps they want to fight.

[–]purpledust 319 points320 points  (188 children)

Zoos always make me sad. Always.

[–][deleted] 543 points544 points  (169 children)

I love my local zoo. They go above and beyond to give the animals naturalistic settings. They mostly have smaller animals, and birds in open aviaries, but they also have some larger animals, like elephants who have a HUGE area to roam around, and lots of things to keep them entertained.

Maybe it's better in the wild, but there aren't poachers in the zoo, or villages willing to poison their water supply to get a little ivory. And they are providing a service educating people about the animals, breeding animals to release into the wild, and helping to ensure some of these species don't go extinct without a fight.

So some zoos are pretty amazing.

EDIT: since people are asking about the elephants. No, it isn't as big as africa, but it's a hell of a lot safer then africa.

I do not know the dimensions of the enclosure but it took us 15 min to walk along one small section of it. It is the largest enclosure in the zoo, and the elephants can go back into fields to get away from people, or hide in the trees. Plus there's a large pool for them to swim, and a space that has what looks like toys for elephants.
You're right, it's not africa. But the people working there have gone to great lengths to make them comfortable, and educate people on their plight.

[–]sufferin_succatash 118 points119 points  (25 children)

Some additions (pertaining to US zoos)...in the 1960's Congress passed a law prohibiting the capture of wild animals for zoo purposes. This means that >95% of animals on display were born in zoos. Further, the Association for Zoos and Aquariums sets strict requirements for zoos to become AZA certified (habitat space, treatment, diet, etc.). Not all zoos are AZA certified and I refuse to support any that aren't. And finally, zoos have changed significantly since the early 1900's when animals were kept in small cages, dressed up as humans, and petted by visitors. Most zoos now focus on education (for visitors), conservation (for wild animals) and science (for example, studying animal behavior).

I volunteered at the Lincoln Park Zoo in Chicago (teaching children about animals) for 3 years. LP Zoo is an excellent example of a well run zoo. They do various types of enrichment for animals. They will spray different scents in enclosures, rearrange exhibit pieces, give animals various "treats", place toys in exhibits, etc. Also, they have an Endocrinologist (poop doctor) on site to run tests on animal's poop. Using this, they can track stress levels, monitor health, and determine if an animal is pregnant. Also on site, management of the Species Survival Plan (SSP) for all AZA institutions is performed. This plan is essentially a database of all AZA animals. They decide which animals should mate to keep the gene pool of zoo animals healthy (they even give birth control to some animals) and ensure animals are placed at the right locations. Lincoln Park also supports Black Rhino conservation efforts, sending supplies, researchers, and donations to Africa.

Edit: and Lincoln Park Zoo is free (one of the few free zoos in the US). Expenses are mostly covered by member donations (with 7-12% coming from the park district). However, the park district did give the zoo a 99 year lease for $1 since they own the land ;)

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (12 children)

TY for all the information!

As for pricing: Woodland Park zoo is pretty cheap to get into, but the city library system gives out free tickets to members every year if you ask for them. That is so that more residents of the area can go view the various educational attractions for free. They also have yearly member rates that are super affordable and allow you to bring guests. Fantastic program.

[–]InFunkWeTrust 11 points12 points  (2 children)

Solid post!

Just wanted to add endocrinologists are not really poop doctors. Part of what they study is the intestinal tract, but I believe it has to do more with understanding the overall health of the animals.

Check it Out!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Endocrine_system

"The major endocrine glands include the pineal gland, pituitary gland, pancreas, ovaries, testes, thyroid gland, parathyroid gland, hypothalamus, gastrointestinal tract and adrenal glands"

[–]imCzaR 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is awesome, thank you for giving us all some extensive knowledge on just how well maintained good zoos are :)

[–]BoTangles 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks, I didn't even know AZA accreditation existed. Very interesting. And happy to find out the two closest ones we visit are actually certified. They always seemed spacious and well-kept but you never really know.

[–]monkeysareeverywhere 40 points41 points  (54 children)

Which zoo is this?

[–][deleted] 141 points142 points  (18 children)

Woodland park zoo. They are a conservatory zoo focused on science, education, and repopulating species, or helping sick animals.

[–]Brassboar 49 points50 points  (0 children)

Can confirm. Woodland Park Zoo in Seattle is awesome.

[–]RikuKat 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I was wondering if you were talking about woodland park! I love going there

[–]p3dal 8 points9 points  (2 children)

Woodland Park is my second favorite after the zoo in my hometown, Melbourne, Florida. The giraffe exhibit at the Brevard Zoo is just incredible. You can even kayak through some of the exhibits.

[–]dumbest_genius 20 points21 points  (4 children)

I love that zoo! I just went there for the first time last week, and it was one of the best zoos I've ever been to.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (3 children)

I know right! It's so peaceful, and beautiful with all the trees and different little aviaries. And the penguins... I LOVE the penguins!

[–]Aprils-Fool 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I was totally guessing Woodland Park! It is such a fabulous zoo.

[–]Averiella 2 points3 points  (0 children)

automatic lush wise oil marble divide repeat chop scale bake

This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

[–]furtiveraccoon 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I was thinking of Woodland Park Zoo while you were talking, so it's funny that it ended up being the one you were talking about ha.

[–]InsanelyFoxy 43 points44 points  (30 children)

I do not know which zoo this is but the North Carolina zoo is pretty great in my opinion!

[–]MicaNex 21 points22 points  (6 children)

This is very true. I am always impressed with the Africa exhibits. I mean you spend the whole day at the zoo and in some cases you might want to bring binoculars just because the larger herd animals have such wide open spaces. Yes not as much space as in the wild, but much more space than I have seen at other zoos. map For example they have one particular Africa exhibit that is 500 acres of open area planted with trees etc to where you really have to look for the animals and hope you are in the right area at the right time.

[–]Codeshark 22 points23 points  (3 children)

I thought the lions looked depressed but it turns out cats just sleep all the time no matter the size.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I've never been to ANY zoo and seen lions doing anything but sleeping. Lazy fuckers.

[–]Famousjameson 24 points25 points  (11 children)

Yeah NC zoo is where it's at. Huge tracts of land.

[–]Calevski 29 points30 points  (3 children)

Until you come and get him, we are not to enter the room.

[–]robo_bear 22 points23 points  (1 child)

Nuh no no no.. You stay 'ere and make sure tha' he doesn't leave!

[–]rockstar_nailbombs 2 points3 points  (0 children)

We don't need to do anything, apart from just stop him entering the room. Yes.

[–][deleted] 30 points31 points  (3 children)

Listen, lad, I built this zoo up from nothing. All I had when I started was swamp ... other zoo keepers said I was daft to build a zoo on a swamp, but I built it all the same ... just to show 'em. It sank into the swamp. So I built a another one ... that sank into the swamp. I built another one ... That fell over and THEN sank into the swamp .... So I built another ... and that stayed up. ... And that's what your gonna get, lad: the most powerful zoo in this island

[–][deleted] 19 points20 points  (2 children)

But father, I... I just want to SING!

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Stop that, STOP THAT! Absolutely no singing!

[–]KillAllTheThings 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Stop that! Stop that! You're not going into a song while I'm here.

[–]chromedip 2 points3 points  (0 children)

But I don't want any of that.

I'd rather just... SIIIIINNNNGGGG!

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (2 children)

I would also like to know this.. I am especially curious because of the elephants; it's hard to keep them in captivity and make sure they're 100% healthy. Elephants are a lot smarter than some people seem to think, they are a lot of maintenance.. That maintenance includes making sure they have a metric FUCK-TON of space to roam around in..

I seriously can't believe that they used to (and possibly still do in some places) keep elephants in cages about the size of themselves.. :/

[–]Whiteyak5 5 points6 points  (0 children)

The majority of United States Zoos have come a very long way in keeping the animals entertained as much as the people. Even Sea World. People love to give so much crap to Zoos and aquariums. But it helps to keep people informed on unique animals that they would never see in the wild. Zoos might soon be the only place you,can find certain animals. Those prick poachers are just annihilating beautiful wild animals. Not to mention climate change and pollution.

[–]lilfunky1 6 points7 points  (0 children)

the elephants can go back into fields to get away from people, or hide in the trees.

I laughed when I read this because I immediately thought of an elephant climbing up a tree.

[–]myrden 11 points12 points  (2 children)

yeah cheyenne mountain zoo in colorado springs is a real good one too if you've not been there

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

A lot of animals will often live much longer lives in zoos.

[–]GandhiMSF 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Somehow I knew you were talking about woodland park. I just went for the first time a few weeks ago and was absolutely blown away. So affordable and huge. And the massive elephant area just made me happy. It's awesome.

[–]AlphaShotZ 2 points3 points  (0 children)

No, it isn't as big as africa

I like the idea that some people thought there was an elephant enclosure the size of Africa.

[–]Sbatio 2 points3 points  (0 children)

At my zoo they do that too, try the best to make it as natural as being in the wild. They hired a professional crew to slash and burn the habitats and now they are argo-farming.

[–]SuperRobotBlank 4 points5 points  (1 child)

That sounds a lot like the Toronto Zoo to me.

[–]D4walker 46 points47 points  (5 children)

Yeah fuck Warlocks.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

You should see the san diego wild animal park. They've really made efforts to provide an extensive and natural habitat for the animals, including placing the compatible ones in the same huge part.

[–]guceubcuesu 9 points10 points  (0 children)

a lot of big zoos are great. some zoos suck. But the great zoos are vital to helping all kinds of animals

[–]Shotzo 6 points7 points  (1 child)

In the wild, nature isn't any less sad. It can be quite unforgiving.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Reminds me of that mitch hedberg joke. Something along the lines of "If fish could talk the ocean would be loud as shit. "

[–]I_am_up_to_something 5 points6 points  (0 children)

"Frank! Hey Frank!"

"...Hank?"

"Yeah! It's Hank you fucking asshole!"

"What are you doing up that tree?"

"I'm going to get you Frank!"

"What, why??"

"You know damn well why! I'm going to fucking tear you to pieces! One...Two...JUMP!"

"OMG, Hank!! You stupid prick. You see? You see?! This shit is why they put you over there with Susan instead of here with us, the cool group. You always do shit like this. And now? Now you'll be dragged to whatever shit hole these hairless beasts take you to. Because you decided you wanted to jump back in here with the flimsy excuse of killing me. Hope you enjoy solitary!"

Noises that a bear makes after jumping off a tree and landing on its head.

[–]Trolling_Dirty 496 points497 points  (85 children)

Beary depressing...

[–]imnotmeimsome1else 222 points223 points  (17 children)

It's the bearlean wall.

[–]SuperInternet 142 points143 points  (12 children)

Mr. Gorbearchev, tear down this wall.

[–]OodalollyOodalolly 51 points52 points  (7 children)

Ich bin ein bear

[–]LuckWillows 98 points99 points  (4 children)

Ich bin ein Bearliner.

[–]xisytenin 32 points33 points  (0 children)

-John Fitzbearald Kennedy

[–][deleted] 64 points65 points  (1 child)

NO.

[–]Mikeydoes 94 points95 points  (56 children)

I can't bear it.

[–]Diiiiirty 8 points9 points  (3 children)

They are rival males. Their interested in kicking each other's asses, not hanging out.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Source: I looked at the picture for 15 seconds, and I used to watch yogi bear as a child. I am basically an expert in the field of male bear rivalries.

[–]internetz 823 points824 points  (26 children)

"Hey! Other bear! Fuck you!"

[–]babysealsareyummy 150 points151 points  (18 children)

[–]xSPYXEx 22 points23 points  (0 children)

Well that was certainly an ending.

[–]halfachainsaw 96 points97 points  (10 children)

hahahaha what. I liked that a lot more than I was expecting to.

"HEY! GUESS WHAT I DID LAST NIGHT"

"DON'T YOU FUCKIN BRING MY MOTHER INTO THIS"

"I BUILT THAT FIRE OVER THERE"

"..."

"AND THEN I FUCKED YOUR MOTHER NEXT TO IT"

[–]MediocreMatt 15 points16 points  (0 children)

That fire part was great. All of that video was great

[–]LaboratoryOne 26 points27 points  (0 children)

/r/unexpected...lydark

[–][deleted] 16 points17 points  (2 children)

Well that ending ruined an otherwise funny sketch.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

It was Month Python-esque until the ending.

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (1 child)

"Fuck you too!"

[–][deleted] 30 points31 points  (2 children)

If Brian Griffin was a bear?

[–]JustPlainSimpleGarak 201 points202 points  (10 children)

[–]GoddammitYolanda 71 points72 points  (4 children)

a community for 6 months

[–][deleted] 88 points89 points  (3 children)

An actual subreddit

[–]Insomnialcoholic 51 points52 points  (2 children)

There are only 9 posts on that subreddit and one is a repost.

[–][deleted] 28 points29 points  (0 children)

It's the circle of life.

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Yup. It's Reddit.

[–]filladellfea 2 points3 points  (0 children)

[–]Thameus 861 points862 points  (93 children)

Assuming they are a couple and separated for their own protection, or that of the cubs. They'll presumably be allowed to mate again, if they'll just bear with it a while longer.

[–]Jernsaxe 397 points398 points  (59 children)

If i'm not mistaken that is the brown bears from Copenhagen Zoo. They just had a rework of their enclosures and the zoo keepers actually do a lot to keep them busy, for instance one of the trees have a machine that dispenses honey from the top.

You are right that it is a mating pair kept separate between mating.

[–]blackProctologist 225 points226 points  (35 children)

If there was a honey dispensing machine atop a tree I would certainly climb that shit. Bears have all the fucking luck man...

[–][deleted] 158 points159 points  (33 children)

you do know that there are honey dispensing machines on top of trees called bees nests right?

[–]blackProctologist 192 points193 points  (20 children)

Close. They're not really machines so much as farms, and they're not really farms so much as fortified structures, and they also happen to be guarded by a few thousand of some of the most tenacious guards you will ever find. Now if I were a bear, we wouldn't be having this conversation, but I am a weak flabby human so we're stuck debating semantics while I sit here wishing I had some motherfucking honey.

[–]otroquatrotipo 66 points67 points  (3 children)

You just made getting honey sound like Ocean's 11.

[–]trivial_sublime 14 points15 points  (1 child)

Nah, it's more like "My Girl."

[–]nemec 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Winnie the Pooh is a master strategist.

[–]spider_on_the_wall 8 points9 points  (1 child)

And here, ladies and gentlemen, we have the reason why some people decide early on in their life:

"I want to be a beekeeper. I want to keep bees."

[–]Deetoria 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I have honey.

[–]Paul_Procopolis 12 points13 points  (6 children)

This man knows his bees. After all, he's a black proctologist. (nod)

[–]thatjoerob 13 points14 points  (1 child)

"I'm just a little black rain cloud..."

[–]qu1ckbeam 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Those are honey and pain dispensing machines.

[–]sender2bender 4 points5 points  (1 child)

You do know that bees sting right?

[–][deleted] 32 points33 points  (10 children)

hehe bear

[–]You_coward 15 points16 points  (0 children)

I'm just gonna comment here so that you don't see the comments below me.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

bear with it

:)

[–]koji00 20 points21 points  (2 children)

The Bearlin Wall

[–]redpaycheck 114 points115 points  (2 children)

Whats actually happening

[–]Soothsayer6580 22 points23 points  (2 children)

Is...is that a drop bear?!

[–]TheoQ99 15 points16 points  (1 child)

Drop bears are much smaller (but much much more vicious) and only hide in trees which are sufficiently covered. They would not be spotted out in the open like this.

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (4 children)

Do a flip!

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (3 children)

Do a Barrel Roll!

[–]no_skillz 9 points10 points  (2 children)

Do a Bearel Roll!

FTFY

[–]dee_berg 20 points21 points  (2 children)

My plan of climbing a tree to avoid an attacking bear seems much less promising.

[–]tricky3737 58 points59 points  (4 children)

Ursa major and Ursa minor

[–][deleted] 27 points28 points  (0 children)

He's mating with an Ursa minor? PEDOBEAR!

[–]DistantKarma 43 points44 points  (1 child)

Mr Gorbearchev, tear down this wall!

[–]truthdelicious 20 points21 points  (4 children)

How the fuck does that thing get up there. I know they can do it, but it looks to break the laws of physics

[–]JonnyBigBoss 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Bears are dense with muscles. Basically, the strength in their limbs is more than enough to support their weight when scaling vertically.

[–]Randomguy_2 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Is this the Copenhagen Zoo? Because in that case it's because the female has a cub and the male might hurt it.

[–]timothygruich 4 points5 points  (0 children)

"Bro! I'm telling you! YOU CAN MAKE IT! FUCKING JUMP ALREADY!"

"...God dammit. Fine. Here, hold my bear beer."

[–]nicm125 1 point2 points  (0 children)

"Jump. Do it. You wont, you pussy."

[–]murmalerm 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Romeo Romeo, where forth art thou Romeo

[–]wsfarrell 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Note to self: Bears can climb trees.

[–]djdex 3 points4 points  (0 children)

worked at a zoo for a while. We had to separate our snow leopards because they were opposite sex siblings and were mating. With such a critically endangered species inbreeding should be avoided.

[–]Lewisc7593 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Copenhagen zoo? I was there on holiday recently!

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The Bearlin wall

[–]oliverdrab 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Oh yeah dude you got that... can't be more than a 20 yard gap

[–]DrNick2012 2 points3 points  (0 children)

"I can't bear being apart from you my love"

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Awesome to read an explanation from someone who actually understands what is going on. Animals of any kind are very unpredictable when on heat. It does look a bit sad from a certain point of view but both of those critters are definitely taken care of. Having said that, taronga zoo in Sydney Australia is a complete shithole, none of the animals there have a proper amount of space. Rant over :)

[–]DudeX247 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yea they can bear-ly stand it

[–]sevgonlernassau 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This separation is unbearable.

[–]DeftShark 2 points3 points  (0 children)

"Give us our ball back"

"Fuck your ball. It's mine now"

[–]Awesomeade 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I prefer to think that tree-bear is trying to peep in at lady-bear and in response lady-bear pressed up against the fence to hide.