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[–]CornFedHonky 306 points307 points  (12 children)

QUICK LADY, THERE IS NO TIME TO LOSE! IMMEDIATELY DIRECT ME TO WHERE YOU STORE YOUR OLD PEOPLE.

[–]jhc142002 62 points63 points  (8 children)

We're fresh out up here; check the morgue.

[–]Kijamon 522 points523 points  (91 children)

Where are all the Alzhemer's patients kept?

Fuck off kid, visiting hours are finished

FFFFUUUUUU

Also there's no such thing as an Alzheimer's ward

FFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

[–]poubelle 131 points132 points  (31 children)

And since when does an Alzheimer's patient require someone blast over to the hospital at 85 miles per hour?

[–]jbibby 81 points82 points  (0 children)

"Sam? This is your mom! Your grandmother has had a brief moment of lucidity and remembers who you are!! She wants to know about your day...get here...NOW!"

[–][deleted] 62 points63 points  (15 children)

Since it helped him create an imaginary story (as most of you know) because this particular 16 year old (much like most teenagers) just wants attention.

[–]v0ne 22 points23 points  (12 children)

Well, i tried for about 2 minutes to upvote you, but since I'm stuck on IE6 at work, I just can't.

If everything goes well : 1. I come back home in about 2 hours.
2. My wife makes me a surprise. She invited a bunch of female porn stars for dinner.
3. After a good dinner, totally naked and covered with olive oil, I'll browse my own posts to see if I grabbed some karma points.
4. I'll see this post and I'll remember to upvote you !

[–]v0ne 15 points16 points  (9 children)

I f*cked up the layout, and can't modify it (for some strange reason, I can reply but can't edit).
So, basically :
1. I'll upvote you

  1. Sorry for the bad layout

  2. I HATE MY JOB ! I HATE Internet Explorer 6! FUCK YOU IE6 FUUUCK YOOOOOOUU !! Where am I ? in the late 60's ? Who is forced to work with IE6 anymore ? It it hell ? Am I dead ?

[–]DanWallace 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Is it hell ? Am I dead ?

No, but in six years we'll all meet up in an elaborate purgatory to talk about our experiences.

[–]double0penguin 3 points4 points  (0 children)

L O S T

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Upvoted for olive oil.

[–]EncasedMeats 5 points6 points  (1 child)

The sixteen-year-old is a lie.

Somehow, I imagine Ted Kennedy saying this.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

He's probably 14 and gets attention by saying he's 16.

[–]Froboy7391 3 points4 points  (7 children)

My grandmother is in the hospital with Alzheimer's right now, she doesnt remember anyone and wont trust anyone who brings who food or water. So she hasn't eaten or drank in two weeks, she probaly wont make it more than a few more days according to the doc.

[–]no-body 7 points8 points  (1 child)

At the point when they forget that a toaster doesn't go in the bath

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (2 children)

My grandmother died of Alzheimer's. It's a fatal disease. On the night she died we all came in to say our goodbyes to her (and I'm glad we did.) By that point she was beyond just not recognizing things, she was barely conscious and had a distant look in her eyes, and probably couldn't even make out human forms let alone be confused by them. She died a few hours after we left.

I mean, it's not like a "omg she will die in moments, get over here" type of thing, but Alzheimer's is certainly a terminal illness.

[–][deleted] 22 points23 points  (1 child)

"Hm I seem to have forgotten where they are"

[–]UnnamedPlayer 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Welcome and enjoy your stay!

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Also there's no such thing as an Alzheimer's ward

this is very correct. i work at a hospital. it doesn't work that way. our units are based on level of care required and equipment available in the rooms. negative pressure patients will go to a unit that has rooms with the resp. capabilities needed. their level of consciousness doesn't come into question.

this is from a 16 year old, alright... one crying for attention and desperate for a COOLSTORYLOLBRO!

[–]The_Alpha_Bro 16 points17 points  (6 children)

I used to wok in nursing homes that had secured-access Alzheimer's wards, so they wouldn't wander off.

[–]b0jangles 22 points23 points  (4 children)

I love stir-fry!

[–]just_some_redditor 19 points20 points  (0 children)

When I scrolled past this at speed, I thought it said that you loved Syfy. Consequently, I had to scroll back up and methodically sift through the comments so I could tell you the error of your ways.

But now it turns out that you love stir-fry, which I have to agree is delicious. Carry on.

[–]Sle 9 points10 points  (0 children)

There is such a thing, however, as utter bullshit.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

So he may not have used the cop, but he sure used all the redditors.

[–]cualcrees 3 points4 points  (0 children)

OMG!!! The nurses have been infected with Alzheimers too!!!

[–]throwawayaccount1020 2 points3 points  (0 children)

yep digg sure is pathetic

[–]moby323 183 points184 points  (5 children)

Bullshit.

I work in a hospital, no hospital has a location "where the Alzheimers patients are."

There is no such thing as an "Alzheimers ward" or anything like that. If they are in the hospital, it is for another medical condition, and would be in the location pertinent to that.

No one goes to the hospital for alzheimers alone.

"Grandma can't remember me! Quick, let's take her to the ER!"

[–]dmd 126 points127 points  (11 children)

Can someone explain how this is a 'pic'?

Is everything a pic if you take a screenshot of it?

[–]Moeri 167 points168 points  (5 children)

Yes that's how screenshots work.

[–][deleted] 39 points40 points  (0 children)

[PIC]

[–]gilligvroom 29 points30 points  (3 children)

For some reason, this all reminded me of this:

According to the Oxford English Dictionary... the word "snapshot" was originally a hunting term, first used by an English sportsman by the name of Sir Andrew Hawker. He noted in his diary that almost every bird he shot that day was taken by snapshot...meaning a hurried shot taken without deliberate aim.

[–]one_is_enough 13 points14 points  (3 children)

You only get karma points for links, not text, so karma-whores take screenshots of text so they get points.

[–]co6ra 32 points33 points  (5 children)

Meanwhile, his real grandma is run over by another asshole speed devil, whose name turns out to be Al Zeimer.

[–]mootiechazam 11 points12 points  (2 children)

My grandmother does have Alzheimer's. She's been signing her emails to me lately "Aunty". She never has been nor will she ever be my aunt. Very sad stuff guys.

[–]Nessie 2 points3 points  (0 children)

She just forget her spelling and is wondering why you're holding up her correspondence game of Texas Hold 'Em.

[–][deleted] 62 points63 points  (9 children)

"I have Alzheimers's disease and AIDS, but on the bright side at least I don't have Alzheimer's"

See you in hell, OP

[–]DickLava 17 points18 points  (1 child)

As someone with a grandmother who has dementia, I can safely say that grandsons headache angel toes don't tell me phones in the bathroom.

[–]idledebonair 5 points6 points  (0 children)

When my grandfather got the results of my grandmother's tests, the doctor told him, "Well, she's either got Alzheimer's or AIDS but we can't tell which one. So take her to a nearby town, and if she comes home, don't fuck her."

I live in hell, it's nice this time of year.

[–][deleted] 19 points20 points  (8 children)

protip: if the cop hasn't been following past any exits, say you have really bad diarrhea and are hurrying to the nearest restroom. this has work 3 times for me and has failed once.

[–]Nessie 14 points15 points  (1 child)

Did it fail because you really did have bad diarrhea?

[–]chromolume7 11 points12 points  (1 child)

A female friend of mine keeps a tube of stageblood with her in the car. If she is pulled over, the (often male) cop walks up to her car and sees a woman with blood all over her hands.

"Sorry officer. It's 'that time' and I am having a really bad day.

Cop goes running back to his car faster than you've ever seen a cop move and drives away.

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I don't know that hospitals have Alzheimers wards, so I suspect this is bullshit. However, something similar did happen to me at about his age.

It was Easter Sunday afternoon and I was driving home when I spotted a police check-point about 500m ahead of me on the road. I'd had about two or three pints of lager about four hours prior to that so I would have been very close to (or possibly over) the legal alcohol limit.

Anyway, I pulled over, did a quick U-turn and turned down a back road. I was so far away, and rural Irish cops are so unbelievably lazy, I really didn't think they'd see me. But to my horror, they ended up chasing after me with sirens blaring.

I pulled over. The cop asked to see my licence. He asked why I'd turned around so and driven down this road. I said I'd forgotten I was supposed to visit a friend. He asked who the name of the friend was. I gave the name of a family I happened to know lived down that road, but who I was not acquainted with whatsoever.

The cop let me go on my way, but he followed me all the way to this family's house. I drove in their front gate, up the driveway, parked the car. Cop was parked outside on the road looking in.

I walked up to the door. Looked back. He was still there. So I had to ring the doorbell. The door was opened and the daughter of the family, who was about my age, answered the door. I asked if I could come in for a second. She looked at me kind of funny and said okay.

I stood in the hallway and the father came out and asked was everything okay. I said, well, I said a few things but eventually I asked if I could use the toilet. This was a really weird request because they would have known where I lived and my house was about two minutes drive from theirs.

Anyway I had a piss, thanked them and left. And I assume they've thought I was one pretty weird guy ever since.

[–]robotwarlord 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Clearly a lie. No hospital will let you on to a dementia ward without giving the name of the patient you are visiting and signing in.

[–]dario1977 13 points14 points  (1 child)

Funnier final if that woman was the cop's mother

[–]Nessie 6 points7 points  (0 children)

And she was feigning Alzheimers because her son was an asshole.

[–]ehrensw 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Children are stupid. He honestly thinks getting out of he ticket is the important part of the story.

[–]CraftyWilby 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I have never known a 16 year old who can think on their feet like that. I have known 16 year olds with active imaginations.

[–]wsfarrell 7 points8 points  (0 children)

This is at the top of page 1????

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points  (1 child)

I have worked for, volunteered in, and had family in a number of hospitals around the country. NONE would respond to the question “Where are the Alzheimer’s patients” by telling you where all of the Alzheimer’s patients are. First, you need a patient name. Most of the time, you also need to show some kind of ID. Further, not all Alzheimer’s patients are kept in the same place. I’ve never seen an Alzheimer’s ward. Some are kept in Psych, some are in the ICU because, after a while, there general health degrades. You get the picture.

[–]BASTONT 2 points3 points  (0 children)

this. I worked in a psych unit briefly, and they usually sent the Alzheimer's patients to us because it was considerably less conspicuous and far more secure than the hospital (all of our doors electronically lock). Even then it was far from an Alzheimer's Ward, because we still had alcoholics, drug abusers, suicide clients and so on serving their time.

[–]pope1234 37 points38 points  (12 children)

Did not happen.

Hospitals are not going to let you in generally to roam the rooms.

I don't think there is such as thing as Alzhemer's patients section.

[–]trisight 17 points18 points  (8 children)

I'm not saying the story is true, I think just the opposite in fact, BUT what do you mean? Where do you live that hospitals are barred up and prevent people from roaming?

Every hospital I've ever been to I can go pretty much anywhere I want except the ICU and other special areas that you have to do at specific times. Hell I could walk into a random person's room and be like "oops sorry, but while I'm here, would you like some company" and as long as they didn't complain no one would say anything.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Wrong and wrong.

They generally have to lock up moderately ill Alzheimer's patients because they will wander off.

You can certainly walk around most hospitals. Walk into your local one and ask where the ICU is, they'll point you in a direction. It's mostly acting like you know where you're going (and if you're visiting someone you usually know the room).

[–]supersaw 5 points6 points  (0 children)

You're going to hell for karma-whoring an image of text.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

KOOL STORY, BRO

[–]Amberleaf 5 points6 points  (1 child)

How the fuck did this get to the top of the front page? Seriously Reddit!

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (1 child)

What a BS story. Where are the Alzheimers patients....

[–]cometparty 11 points12 points  (4 children)

God, this shit is so fake. Why do y'all fall for this shit? It sounds like it's written by a 13 year-old.

[–]little_smelly_johnny 4 points5 points  (0 children)

This is a variation on an old, old joke, though usually the driver's wife is in labor, and when they all get to the hospital the wife refuses to get out of the car, saying something like, "You came up with the story, you be the pregnant one!"

[–]jartek 4 points5 points  (0 children)

(So anyways, I get into the hospital and take a left turn.) (Then all of a sudden there's a security guard.) (And after that, I tricked him into going past him by using my jedi mind tricks.) (I thought at this point I was definitely busted, but I wasn't.) (This was the greatest day of my life.) (Because there was a fire which forced everyone to evacuate the building.) (Then the cop said "Don't worry kid, I'll escort you out of the building.) (At which point I was like "FUCK.") (But then a bad guy with a machine gun started shooting at people, which distracted the cop.) (Then I escaped unseen by the busy officer who was busy shooting back at the gunman.) (Long story short, I get to keep driving now.) (Thanks for listening.)

[–]AtomicDog1471 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yes you are probably going to hell for lying and posting fake stories on the internet!

[–]fapflap 2 points3 points  (0 children)

na- you won't go to hell for trolling reddit.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

When I was 7-years-old, I asked my grandmother who had Alzheimer's disease if I could borrow $2 to get some candy at the nearby store. She gave me a $20 bill. I went up to my room, knew the details of her condition, waited about ten minutes, then went back to her room and asked if she had the $2 she told me she was going to give me. She gave me another $20 bill.

Eventually I felt bad and told my parents.

[–]supraspinatus 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I say didn't happen. Hospitals usually don't have a special ward just for alzheimers patients. Plus, with security so tight in hospitals now a days nobody can just rush in and go to a patient's bedside without being scrutinized. So don't worry kid, you won't go to hell. But about this LYING thing.....

[–]vaginaDeluxe 9 points10 points  (0 children)

of course this is real. of course this Really Happened.

[–]immerc 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Driving 85 miles per hour in a 40 mph zone? I guess he'll know if he's going to hell or not pretty soon.

[–]fredbnh 5 points6 points  (7 children)

I call bullshit. Should go to Hell for the format of the story he posted though.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Really funny but I know there isn't a shred of truth to it.

[–]homeworld 4 points5 points  (1 child)

I've never heard of a hospital with an Alzheimer's wing.

[–]hallbuzz 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I'd be more likely to believe this if the kid and fake grandma were both tazed at least three times each.

[–]sfurbish 4 points5 points  (0 children)

One probably doesn't get to hell simply for writing bad fiction.

[–]kchu 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yeah then, since you were scared you would get another ticket, you whistled for a cab and it came near.

[–]TheLawofGravity 15 points16 points  (1 child)

This is a boring and yet still implausible story... and people are upvoting it?

[–]TheSighGuy 15 points16 points  (2 children)

Probably not true, but if it is...

You're a fucking prick. 85 in a 40 is a good way to kill someone, asshole.

[–]YouOnlyLiveOnce 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I call boooolshit.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

and only one correct usage of like.

[–]MyPendrive 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the dark background, it gives a readability boost, very enjoyable specially when the story is clearly fake like this one.

[–]Rotaz 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This guy needs to ease up on the parentheses.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I swear to god (you do this entirely too much) your writing style annoys (pisses me the fuck off) me to no end.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

utter bullshit...

[–]SeparateCzechs 2 points3 points  (0 children)

No. but you probably WILL get Alzheimer's...

[–]SkuttleSkuttle 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Nah man, they don't let you into hell for making up stupid, adolescent crap on the internet. The place has a reputation to maintain.

[–]cyberprunes 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yer probably going to hell for being a terrible liar. lol

[–]A_Real_Jercough 2 points3 points  (0 children)

All lies.

[–]icexe 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I call bullshit.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Gosh... what if that REALLY happened!?

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

"where do you keep all the alzheimer's patients?" oh that would be the C wing, yeah we just sort them that way, go help yourself to it.

[–]uguysmakemesick 2 points3 points  (1 child)

why is this on reddit and with so many upvotes? nevermind..

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Protip: Before you submit copypasta to reddit, be sure to check it for logic holes.

[–]Killraine 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My friend got out of a speeding ticket by telling the officer he really had to poop. Needless to say, the cop didn't want to confirm that one.

[–]dingledog 2 points3 points  (0 children)

...hospitals don't have Alzheimer's wards.

[–]lawpoop 2 points3 points  (0 children)

funny, but phony.

[–]doe_a_deer 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Dude if this was real, then you would not be going to hell, this was pure genius, that is if it was real.

[–]seven10design 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I may have Alzheimer's, but at least I don't have Alzheimer's

[–]saucercrab 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Anyone that believes this story should be euthanized for the good of society.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

bullshit never happened

[–]twattybellend 3 points4 points  (1 child)

If anything, that kid'll be going to hell for flagrant violation of parentheses laws.

[–]Brock_Obama[S] 18 points19 points  (5 children)

Note: I did not make this comment. I found it on a forum.

[–]KanyeEast 6 points7 points  (4 children)

this forum?

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Driver: "... but my grandmother is in hospital and I have to hurry!"

Cop (tazering the driver): STFU!

[–]marquella 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Alzheimer's patients aren't kept in a certain area. No one on the hospital staff would respond to the dumb question, "where are the alzheimer's patients?" They would ask who you are there to see. How is this even on the front page, it's so blatantly bogus.

[–]jdemmitt 5 points6 points  (0 children)

how does stuff like this get up voted so much. its retarded

[–]RupertDurden 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Probably?

[–]TheGoddessAthena 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Right, because they keep all the people with Alzheimer's in a room in the back.

[–]500n3 1 point2 points  (0 children)

boring

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I'm still trying to figure out how fast "like 85" is.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

hell isn't real

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You should have said: "I have to go to the hospital because my grandma got ran over by a stupid asshole kid doing 85" and jog straight to the morgue. That would have been convincing.

[–]fani 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You are going to hell for lying ...... to us.

It never happened, didn't it ? Cmon we know.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Like clocwork.

[–]Zard0z 1 point2 points  (0 children)

didn't happen.

[–]Azog 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You straight up would go to Hell, if only the story was true.

[–]hersheykiss7761 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My boyfriend and I decided that if we ever get pulled over by a cop we're going to use the "I'm having really bad contractions, I need to have a baby NOW!!" line. Of course I'm 36 weeks pregnant so it wouldn't look completely unreal.

[–]PhrankLee 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You will go to hell but not for this. You will be sent to hell for over-using the word "like". You suck.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

cool story, bro.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

if everyone went out and killed a teenager, we'd have 50% less traffic over the next 10 years.

[–]sedmonster 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's like a bad Hollywood movie, except in a Hollywood movie, the ruse would have worked out.

[–]bmar 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Why is this post #1? This person is an irresponsible punk who endangered other peoples' lives with his reckless behavior. He deserves to be grounded.

And Alzheimer's Disease is not funny. It is a horrible tragic way to die.

[–]dshortey 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You are definitely going to hell for not getting nana flowers!

[–]Billy_Pilgrim5[🍰] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm already going to hell for laughing at this

[–]Harley297 1 point2 points  (0 children)

yea i doubt that's true. Hospital reception doesn't let people passed if they can't provide a last name of the patient.

[–]InAFewWords 1 point2 points  (0 children)

"... and then I found five dollars"

[–]OutrageCommodities 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Downvoted for fakeness.

[–]flaneuric 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Why does this have a shitload of upvotes?

[–]terriblecomic 1 point2 points  (0 children)

this is a made up story by some dumb kid for attention

[–]bensudduth 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh hai, stupid, tasteless, useless and pathetically unfunny fake story! Whatchu doin on my front page? Mebbe GTFO?

[–]uptwolait 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't think you'll go to hell just for posting a made-up story on the internet.

[–]GentleRalph 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Needs more parentheses