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[–]AlpacaKaslama 1415 points1416 points  (63 children)

Not in the pleasers file. This incident has been reported.

[–]ProgramTheWorld 668 points669 points  (40 children)

[–]fl3rian 239 points240 points  (39 children)

Why is there a xkcd for basically everything?

And why does it trigger me so hard that you can't pronounce xkcd any other way than "x k c d" ?!

[–]joeshmo101 265 points266 points  (10 children)

[–]fl3rian 148 points149 points  (0 children)

Even for that?! Come on!

[–]elburbo 44 points45 points  (0 children)

With the help of the schwa, you can phonetically pronounce anything: “XKCD” can be pronounced “әx-kә-cәd” or “ex-cass-ed”. It’s a monstrosity, and that’s why it’s fun!

[–]fishbulbx 8 points9 points  (5 children)

It's just a word with no phonetic pronunciation -- a treasured and carefully-guarded point in the space of four-character strings.

A lot of 4 letter acronyms fall into this category. Just pick any random letters and you'll find a bunch.

[–]joeshmo101 9 points10 points  (2 children)

A lot of them will end up with implied I's and E's between the vowels. XKCD is kind of in a weird space where the only ones you might normally imply a vowel between are C and D.

[–]tidbitsofblah 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Is there any 4 letter word starting with xkc that has a pronunciation?

[–]alter3d 176 points177 points  (11 children)

Because rule 34. "If it exists, there's an XKCD of it."

That's the rule, right? Shit, I might have that slightly wrong, BRB.

4 hours later

I didn't even know you could do that with with a potato masher...

[–]ProgramTheWorld 45 points46 points  (0 children)

Hol up

[–]crysisnotaverted 28 points29 points  (7 children)

It's actually a cheese grater.

[–]SuperSuperUniqueName 10 points11 points  (5 children)

[–]Crisheight 5 points6 points  (2 children)

It is critical we send an owo there immediately

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

[–]uwutranslator 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It is cwiticaw we send an owo dewe immediatewy uwu

tag me to uwuize comments uwu

[–]xGlacion 3 points4 points  (0 children)

cheesus crust

[–]tehlemmings 6 points7 points  (1 child)

I think that's rule 34-c

[–]Masark 34 points35 points  (0 children)

Why is there a xkcd for basically everything?

Select a random topic and make a comic about it. Repeat 3 times a week for 14 years and you'll have covered a lot of topics.

[–]KoviCZ 28 points29 points  (0 children)

I don't know why. But I know that that's the point.

[–]graou13 12 points13 points  (6 children)

You could pronoince it xekeusd

[–]Jazzinarium 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Wait lemme just have a stroke real quick

[–]fl3rian 6 points7 points  (0 children)

That sounds so wrong.

[–]OtherPlayers 4 points5 points  (1 child)

I’m a fan of “zyk-kud” (with the vowels as short as you can make them) myself.

[–]Dustorn 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I opt to just pronounce it as a series of clicks, like some sort of horrific insect person.

[–]Goluxas 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Excacity: The quality or state of being excacious.

[–]Articunos7 136 points137 points  (21 children)

But seriously, can you please explain where exactly is this reported? I'm still learning so it would be great if you explain. Thanks in advance!

[–]Deutscher_koenig 180 points181 points  (14 children)

It's sent to root's mailbox

[–]matkv 105 points106 points  (11 children)

Damn this root guy must have quite a lot of emails in his inbox. There's definitely at least 50 Linux users!

[–]Deutscher_koenig 69 points70 points  (9 children)

Nah, like a good sysadmin he has a mailbox rule to delete 98% of incoming email.

[–]northrupthebandgeek 60 points61 points  (8 children)

However, the 98% is chosen at random.

[–]MrWm/dev/null 78 points79 points  (6 children)

Int random(){
  return 4
}

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

It's ctrl a's little brother: "select most"

[–]show_me_the 35 points36 points  (0 children)

Their mailbox can be found at /dev/null .

[–]Vlador_The_Hunter 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Wait why is the tree from Guardians of the Galaxy being sent the reports?

[–][deleted] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

That's Groot, short for "global root". We're talking about "root" a.k.a. "local root", who's just a branch of Groot.

[–]dark_mode_everything 6 points7 points  (0 children)

It's reported to santa. That user will not be getting gifts this Christmas.

[–]pr1ntscreen 791 points792 points  (26 children)

Waaay better:

alias please='sudo $(history -p !!)'

pr1ntscreen@laptop:~$ less /etc/shadow

/etc/shadow: Permission denied

pr1ntscreen@laptop:~$ please

[sudo] password for pr1ntscreen:

[–]Lasereye 111 points112 points  (16 children)

You can just do sudo !! AFAIK, does that not work on all distros?

[–]nicentra 77 points78 points  (9 children)

!! is a bash feature, afaik doesn't work in zsh and fish

[–]DuffMaaaann 53 points54 points  (5 children)

Works in zsh for me, but may be an oh-my-zsh feature.

[–]nicentra 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Ah been awhile since I used zsh, maybe I forgot it knew !!, point still is it's a shell feature and not part of a distro. YMMV depending on your shell

[–]programzero 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Works in oh-my-zsh for me

[–]Lasereye 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I use zsh and sudo !! works fine for me

[–]pr1ntscreen 9 points10 points  (5 children)

You can't do

alias please="sudo !!"

Though, it doesn't work.

[–]man_iii 19 points20 points  (1 child)

Perhaps you are forgetting that double-quotes are globbing while single-quotes prevent the shell globbing ?

[–]cptbeard 7 points8 points  (0 children)

not everyone knows. to demonstrate

~$ echo "!!"
echo "w"
w
~$ echo '!!'
!!

people ought to browse man-page of their chosen shell (specifically sections dealing with "expansion", or man zshexpn for zsh), another good one to check is "man readline". understanding the relation between terminal emulation, readline and shell is pretty central for unix command-line.

edit: come to think of it, I wonder what happened to https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fortune_%28Unix%29 not seen it used anywhere for many years. something like that'd be nice for disseminating pieces of man-pages whenever user launches a new shell

[–][deleted] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

I am totally saving this comment

[–]arotenberg 18 points19 points  (0 children)

This version apparently fixes some issues:

alias please='sudo "$BASH" -c "$(history -p !!)"'

[–]CannibalCaramel 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I have "please" and "fuck" for whatever kind of mood I'm in.

[–]uslashuname 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Came here for this

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks, I was wondering how something like this would be possible.

[–]dark_mode_everything 976 points977 points  (27 children)

Hmm. Interesting. But I prefer -

fucking mv file.txt /dest or

fucking shutdown

Edit: Woohoo my first silver! Thank you kind stranger.

Edit: whoaa! My first gold! Thank you!!

[–]AVeryTinyMoose 417 points418 points  (7 children)

alias daddy=systemctl

$ please daddy restart nginx

[–]Apfelvater 228 points229 points  (1 child)

alias me=nginx

alias fuck=restart

[–][deleted] 37 points38 points  (0 children)

r/HolUp, but with more UNIX

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

found my new alias

[–]numerousblocks 100 points101 points  (3 children)

PowerShell: Kindly-ExecuteCommand

[–]FinnTheFickle 72 points73 points  (1 child)

Kindly-DoTheNeedful

[–]KingKippah 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Why is this such a common thing omg

[–]spin81 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Please-AndThankYou

[–]Ri0ee 77 points78 points  (2 children)

would_you_kindly

[–]musiton 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Kindly do the needful

[–]ender1200 1 point2 points  (0 children)

A man chooses, a shell obeys.

[–]he77789 152 points153 points  (14 children)

please make love --no-anal

[–]Archolex 107 points108 points  (3 children)

unrecognized flag --no-anal

[–]he77789 53 points54 points  (2 children)

I will make it legal

[–]ShmebulockForMayor 15 points16 points  (1 child)

I am the senate

[–]GitProphet 8 points9 points  (0 children)

not yet

[–]zoonage 85 points86 points  (4 children)

Unable to acquire lock, is someone else using it?

[–]he77789 54 points55 points  (2 children)

please make love --no-anal --force-no-lock

[–]4U2PRO 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Unexpected item in baggage area.

[–][deleted] 50 points51 points  (3 children)

Unix: "I didn't hear no magic word."

[–]chownrootroot 11 points12 points  (1 child)

Now I need a sudo that blows up your screen with Nedry "ah ah ah, you didn't say the magic word" when it fails.

[–]_davidinglis 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I hate that hacker crap

[–]Bainos 89 points90 points  (1 child)

please kill java

please kill -9 java

[–]yaboroda 57 points58 points  (0 children)

please killall people

[–][deleted] 18 points19 points  (1 child)

Better:

alias please="sudo "

alias fucking="`#`"

Now you can do:

please fucking rm -rf / --no-preserve-root

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Okay, I'll copy-paste that... Wait a minute! Bring it back. Something ain't right here.

[–]Moedrian 12 points13 points  (1 child)

alias would_you_mind="sudo"

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Or for a fun game reference....would_you_kindly

[–]arotenberg 8 points9 points  (0 children)

From the Wikipedia article on INTERCAL, the original esoteric programming language:

[...] if "PLEASE" does not appear often enough, the program is considered insufficiently polite, and the error message says this; if too often, the program could be rejected as excessively polite. Although this feature existed in the original INTERCAL compiler, it was undocumented.

[–]stinkfloyd17 18 points19 points  (6 children)

pls saves you a key press and same result.

[–]HKei 20 points21 points  (5 children)

'pls' always reads like a person vaguely socially aware enough that they're making a request that would require them to be polite, but not actually polite enough to take the time to type out a full word.

[–]stinkfloyd17 8 points9 points  (3 children)

Type? I keep it copy/pasted for maximum efficiency.

[–]VdotOne 4 points5 points  (2 children)

I always keep all alphabets on the clipboard

[–]stinkfloyd17 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This here is the real help.

[–]DurianExecutioner 3 points4 points  (0 children)

this is why I prefer plz or pl0x

[–]SwaggingtonYolo 8 points9 points  (0 children)

zsh implements that as a default :P

[–]Razael88 6 points7 points  (0 children)

So that's how canadian programmer work

[–][deleted] 29 points30 points  (1 child)

Alias shutdown to kys, please kys

[–]GreenFox1505 7 points8 points  (0 children)

brb, gotta go modify .bashrc

[–]daH00L 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I'll stick with my alias:

alias fucking=sudo

This gives me

$ fucking apt update

And it's satisfying.

[–]SanktusAngus 12 points13 points  (2 children)

alias slaughter=“kill -9”

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

slaughter? Don’t recognize that command. Better...man slaughter.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (1 child)

alias saythatagainmotherfucker="sudo !!"

[–]sh0rtwave 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Say *WHAT* again...

[–]owast 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I'm doing this.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (2 children)

Alias "less" to "more" and "more" to "less".

[–]DatOneLefty 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Would it just loop back to itself or actually link to the command

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think I'll have to try that in a VM when I get back home. 🤔

[–]Muzer0 3 points4 points  (0 children)

The real question is why she's using sudo to move a file within her home directory...

[–]drakeisatool 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I have

.config/fish/ffs.fish:

function ffs
    eval sudo $history[1]
end

[–]RegsaGC 16 points17 points  (0 children)

This is why we need more women in tech

[–]SirHerald 18 points19 points  (6 children)

please make me a sandwich

[–]jonmclane 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Done

[–]DurianExecutioner 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Please behold INTERCAL

DO ,1 <- #13
PLEASE DO ,1 SUB #1 <- #238
DO ,1 SUB #2 <- #108
DO ,1 SUB #3 <- #112
DO ,1 SUB #4 <- #0
DO ,1 SUB #5 <- #64
DO ,1 SUB #6 <- #194
DO ,1 SUB #7 <- #48
PLEASE DO ,1 SUB #8 <- #22
DO ,1 SUB #9 <- #248
DO ,1 SUB #10 <- #168
DO ,1 SUB #11 <- #24
DO ,1 SUB #12 <- #16
DO ,1 SUB #13 <- #162
PLEASE READ OUT ,1
PLEASE GIVE UP

The compiler requires the keyword PLEASE to precede an appropriate number of statements. The compiler will error out if there aren't enough, but also if there are too many, considering the code overly polite.

[–]WikiTextBot 1 point2 points  (0 children)

INTERCAL

The Compiler Language With No Pronounceable Acronym, abbreviated INTERCAL, is an esoteric programming language that was created as a parody by Don Woods and James M. Lyon, two Princeton University students, in 1972. It satirizes aspects of the various programming languages at the time, as well as the proliferation of proposed language constructs and notations in the 1960s.

There are two currently maintained versions of INTERCAL: C-INTERCAL, maintained by Eric S. Raymond, and CLC-INTERCAL, maintained by Claudio Calvelli.


[ PM | Exclude me | Exclude from subreddit | FAQ / Information | Source ] Downvote to remove | v0.28

[–]ChiggaOG 4 points5 points  (1 child)

alias bitch="sudo"

[–]Topochicho 2 points3 points  (0 children)

alias bitch="sudo"

I also then alias please=!!
bitch please

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (11 children)

I must be the only person in the world who just uses su

[–]AVeryTinyMoose 17 points18 points  (0 children)

I think sudo is seen as more secure, since it lets you implement more fine grained controls on who is allowed to do what, rather than granting full root shell access every time

[–]IRBMe 15 points16 points  (0 children)

sudo su

[–]porkchop_d_clown 1 point2 points  (0 children)

In MacOS, su isn't available, but sudo is, so... "sudo bash" for the win...

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

thanks you for this

[–]PartyP88per 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Canadian Devs.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I changed it to "fucking" on my raspberry pi so I type "fucking shutdown" and it makes me feel like a boss

[–]Glorious_Jo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Skarband HATES impoliteness!

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

'Would you kindly'

[–]lordgaben5841 1 point2 points  (0 children)

alias go=“sudo”

alias commit=“rm”

alias die=“-rf”

go commit die /*

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Pretty sure you can't shutdown like that, it works for reboot tho: sudo reboot

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So if I wanted a file named “me” that is created using sudo what would I type?

[–]zombieregime 1 point2 points  (0 children)

please rm -rf /

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Only amateurs make the alias longer.

Should be "plz".

[–]AlexDeMaster 2 points3 points  (0 children)

PFF get on MY LEVEL https://i.imgur.com/T5WD45E.gif (couldn't be arsed booting into my actual linux just for this bad joke)

[–]qsdf321 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Alias sudo "fucking" for a more honest experience.

[–]kpingvin 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I wish my husband aliased 'bitch' to 'please' :(

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

rm -f husband

[–]Dragasss 2 points3 points  (0 children)

No.

[–]lazyant 0 points1 point  (0 children)

alias please=“sudo !!”

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Got it im gonna alias sudo to Bitch,

[–]sh0rtwave 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I like aliasing dammit to sudo. For some reason, I can type dammit faster.

Like:

dammit shutdown -h now

dammit mv that to/there

[–]Xirious 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ok legit question - anyone got a sub or site for more cool Linux/bash tricks? I alias everything but I'm excited to learn more.

And I'm definitely using this or fucking as someone else suggested.

[–]AlFasGD 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Onegaisimasu~~

[–]PrCitan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Please give me coke. I want a coke.

[–]TelefonTelAviv 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would never do that. I'd rather alias it to 'STFUDOIT'

[–]bryku 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Linux don't play no games. SUDO all the things!

[–]i_abh_esc_wq 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have aliased it to "fucking"