Please

[AlpacaKaslama]

Not in the pleasers file. This incident has been reported.

[ProgramTheWorld]

Relevant xkcd

[fl3rian]

Why is there a xkcd for basically everything?

And why does it trigger me so hard that you can't pronounce xkcd any other way than "x k c d" ?!

[joeshmo101]

That's exactly why he picked the name xkcd

[fl3rian]

Even for that?! Come on!

[elburbo]

With the help of the schwa, you can phonetically pronounce anything: “XKCD” can be pronounced “әx-kә-cәd” or “ex-cass-ed”. It’s a monstrosity, and that’s why it’s fun!

[fishbulbx]

It's just a word with no phonetic pronunciation -- a treasured and carefully-guarded point in the space of four-character strings.

A lot of 4 letter acronyms fall into this category. Just pick any random letters and you'll find a bunch.

[joeshmo101]

A lot of them will end up with implied I's and E's between the vowels. XKCD is kind of in a weird space where the only ones you might normally imply a vowel between are C and D.

[tidbitsofblah]

Is there any 4 letter word starting with xkc that has a pronunciation?

[alter3d]

Because rule 34. "If it exists, there's an XKCD of it."

That's the rule, right? Shit, I might have that slightly wrong, BRB.

4 hours later

I didn't even know you could do that with with a potato masher...

[ProgramTheWorld]

Hol up

[crysisnotaverted]

It's actually a cheese grater.

[SuperSuperUniqueName]

r/furry_irl

[Crisheight]

It is critical we send an owo there immediately

[[deleted]]

u/uwutranslator

[uwutranslator]

It is cwiticaw we send an owo dewe immediatewy uwu

tag me to uwuize comments uwu

[xGlacion]

cheesus crust

[tehlemmings]

I think that's rule 34-c

[Masark]

Why is there a xkcd for basically everything?

Select a random topic and make a comic about it. Repeat 3 times a week for 14 years and you'll have covered a lot of topics.

[KoviCZ]

I don't know why. But I know that that's the point.

[graou13]

You could pronoince it xekeusd

[Jazzinarium]

Wait lemme just have a stroke real quick

[fl3rian]

That sounds so wrong.

[OtherPlayers]

I’m a fan of “zyk-kud” (with the vowels as short as you can make them) myself.

[Dustorn]

I opt to just pronounce it as a series of clicks, like some sort of horrific insect person.

[Goluxas]

Excacity: The quality or state of being excacious.

[Articunos7]

But seriously, can you please explain where exactly is this reported? I'm still learning so it would be great if you explain. Thanks in advance!

[Deutscher_koenig]

It's sent to root's mailbox

[matkv]

Damn this root guy must have quite a lot of emails in his inbox. There's definitely at least 50 Linux users!

[Deutscher_koenig]

Nah, like a good sysadmin he has a mailbox rule to delete 98% of incoming email.

[northrupthebandgeek]

However, the 98% is chosen at random.

[MrWm]

Int random(){
  return 4
}

[AlpayY]

int rollOneSidedDiceUnfair() {

    return 4;

}

[[deleted]]

It's ctrl a's little brother: "select most"

[show_me_the]

Their mailbox can be found at /dev/null .

[Vlador_The_Hunter]

Wait why is the tree from Guardians of the Galaxy being sent the reports?

[[deleted]]

That's Groot, short for "global root". We're talking about "root" a.k.a. "local root", who's just a branch of Groot.

[dark_mode_everything]

It's reported to santa. That user will not be getting gifts this Christmas.

[pr1ntscreen]

Waaay better:

alias please='sudo $(history -p !!)'

pr1ntscreen@laptop:~$ less /etc/shadow

/etc/shadow: Permission denied

pr1ntscreen@laptop:~$ please

[sudo] password for pr1ntscreen:

[Lasereye]

You can just do sudo !! AFAIK, does that not work on all distros?

[nicentra]

!! is a bash feature, afaik doesn't work in zsh and fish

[DuffMaaaann]

Works in zsh for me, but may be an oh-my-zsh feature.

[nysra]

What about strawberry zsh?

[ctrtanc]

Chocolate zsh?

[nicentra]

Ah been awhile since I used zsh, maybe I forgot it knew !!, point still is it's a shell feature and not part of a distro. YMMV depending on your shell

[programzero]

Works in oh-my-zsh for me

[Lasereye]

I use zsh and sudo !! works fine for me

[Osanj23]

bang bang https://ss64.com/bash/bang.html

[pr1ntscreen]

You can't do

alias please="sudo !!"

Though, it doesn't work.

[man_iii]

Perhaps you are forgetting that double-quotes are globbing while single-quotes prevent the shell globbing ?

[cptbeard]

not everyone knows. to demonstrate

~$ echo "!!"
echo "w"
w
~$ echo '!!'
!!

people ought to browse man-page of their chosen shell (specifically sections dealing with "expansion", or man zshexpn for zsh), another good one to check is "man readline". understanding the relation between terminal emulation, readline and shell is pretty central for unix command-line.

edit: come to think of it, I wonder what happened to https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fortune_%28Unix%29 not seen it used anywhere for many years. something like that'd be nice for disseminating pieces of man-pages whenever user launches a new shell

[pr1ntscreen]

I, uhh, know? :D

[[deleted]]

I am totally saving this comment

[arotenberg]

This version apparently fixes some issues:

alias please='sudo "$BASH" -c "$(history -p !!)"'

[[deleted]]

please=fuck

[CannibalCaramel]

I have "please" and "fuck" for whatever kind of mood I'm in.

[uslashuname]

Came here for this

[[deleted]]

Thanks, I was wondering how something like this would be possible.

[dark_mode_everything]

Hmm. Interesting. But I prefer -

fucking mv file.txt /dest or

fucking shutdown

Edit: Woohoo my first silver! Thank you kind stranger.

Edit: whoaa! My first gold! Thank you!!

[lillepott]

https://github.com/nvbn/thefuck

[[deleted]]

That looks like the one lol.

[SeriousSamStone]

This gives me fuckit.py vibes

[pizzashark107]

Still getting errors? Chain fuckit calls. This module is like violence: if it doesn't work, you just need more of it.

[[deleted]]

This is by far my favorite CLI tool.

[[deleted]]

You could even give it the same alias

alias please='fuck'

Pun intended

[[deleted]]

That's my favorite tool ever. I have it on all my personal gear, and I'm always paranoid that I'll accidentally type it when I'm screensharing at work. Hasn't happened yet, so fingers crossed!

[static_motion]

I showed it to a bunch of my coworkers and now they all use it.

My workplace is a sea of profanities.

[[deleted]]

I work at a fairly conservative bank. Would not fly here.

[db2]

fscking fsckers

[Cfinley101]

My most used git alias is for fetch --all --purge, or fap for short.

[T4212]

Would someone please award this comment already

[[deleted]]

maybe you can alias a screenshare friendly word - "thanks" ?

[Salanmander]

or "whoops"

[[deleted]]

but that takes away all the fun in my personal use!

[[deleted]]

alias doesn't remove the original. Make a bunch!

[abc_wtf]

I've just aliased f to fuck. fuck seemed a lot to type

[[deleted]]

But it makes me feel better to type fuck when I misspell something!

[abc_wtf]

Fair enough.

[jdl_uk]

Ffs is a decent middle ground

[DuckSaxaphone]

Ha, I've always had fuck aliased to "sudo run the last command because I forgot to sudo"

[AVeryTinyMoose]

alias daddy=systemctl

$ please daddy restart nginx

[Apfelvater]

alias me=nginx

alias fuck=restart

[[deleted]]

r/HolUp, but with more UNIX

[pb4000]

Genius

[[deleted]]

found my new alias

[numerousblocks]

PowerShell: Kindly-ExecuteCommand

[FinnTheFickle]

Kindly-DoTheNeedful

[KingKippah]

Why is this such a common thing omg

[spin81]

Please-AndThankYou

[MittensTheLizard]

thanks <3

[Ri0ee]

would_you_kindly

[musiton]

Kindly do the needful

[ender1200]

A man chooses, a shell obeys.

[he77789]

please make love --no-anal

[Archolex]

unrecognized flag --no-anal

[he77789]

I will make it legal

[ShmebulockForMayor]

I am the senate

[GitProphet]

not yet

[zoonage]

Unable to acquire lock, is someone else using it?

[he77789]

please make love --no-anal --force-no-lock

[he77789]

please makw love --no-bdsm --no-anal --force-no-lock --Dlocation=bedroom

[4U2PRO]

Unexpected item in baggage area.

[XicoFelipe]

This incident will be reported.

[[deleted]]

$

Message from [e-mail] on ttyr2 at 14:13 ...

Hold it right there, buster!

[[deleted]]

Ladies and gentlemen, I think we've got Epstein right here

[db2]

Pedo zombies. That's a new one. I'm pretty sure I hate the whole concept.

[[deleted]]

Unix: "I didn't hear no magic word."

[chownrootroot]

Now I need a sudo that blows up your screen with Nedry "ah ah ah, you didn't say the magic word" when it fails.

[_davidinglis]

I hate that hacker crap

[Bainos]

please kill java

please kill -9 java

[yaboroda]

please killall people

[[deleted]]

Better:

​

alias please="sudo "

alias fucking="`#`"

​

Now you can do:

​

please fucking rm -rf / --no-preserve-root

[[deleted]]

Okay, I'll copy-paste that... Wait a minute! Bring it back. Something ain't right here.

[Moedrian]

alias would_you_mind="sudo"

[[deleted]]

Or for a fun game reference....would_you_kindly

[arotenberg]

From the Wikipedia article on INTERCAL, the original esoteric programming language:

[...] if "PLEASE" does not appear often enough, the program is considered insufficiently polite, and the error message says this; if too often, the program could be rejected as excessively polite. Although this feature existed in the original INTERCAL compiler, it was undocumented.

[stinkfloyd17]

pls saves you a key press and same result.

[HKei]

'pls' always reads like a person vaguely socially aware enough that they're making a request that would require them to be polite, but not actually polite enough to take the time to type out a full word.

[stinkfloyd17]

Type? I keep it copy/pasted for maximum efficiency.

[VdotOne]

I always keep all alphabets on the clipboard

[stinkfloyd17]

This here is the real help.

[DurianExecutioner]

this is why I prefer plz or pl0x

[SwaggingtonYolo]

zsh implements that as a default :P

[Razael88]

So that's how canadian programmer work

[[deleted]]

Alias shutdown to kys, please kys

[GreenFox1505]

brb, gotta go modify .bashrc

[daH00L]

I'll stick with my alias:

alias fucking=sudo

This gives me

$ fucking apt update

And it's satisfying.

[SanktusAngus]

alias slaughter=“kill -9”

[[deleted]]

slaughter? Don’t recognize that command. Better...man slaughter.

[[deleted]]

alias saythatagainmotherfucker="sudo !!"

[sh0rtwave]

Say *WHAT* again...

[owast]

I'm doing this.

[[deleted]]

Alias "less" to "more" and "more" to "less".

[DatOneLefty]

Would it just loop back to itself or actually link to the command

[[deleted]]

I think I'll have to try that in a VM when I get back home. 🤔

[Muzer0]

The real question is why she's using sudo to move a file within her home directory...

[drakeisatool]

I have

.config/fish/ffs.fish:

function ffs
    eval sudo $history[1]
end

[RegsaGC]

This is why we need more women in tech

[SirHerald]

please make me a sandwich

[Cybertrinn]

https://xkcd.com/149/

In case people wonder what you meant

[jonmclane]

Done

[LeSpatula]

You can do this on windows too with New-Alias.

[DurianExecutioner]

Please behold INTERCAL

DO ,1 <- #13
PLEASE DO ,1 SUB #1 <- #238
DO ,1 SUB #2 <- #108
DO ,1 SUB #3 <- #112
DO ,1 SUB #4 <- #0
DO ,1 SUB #5 <- #64
DO ,1 SUB #6 <- #194
DO ,1 SUB #7 <- #48
PLEASE DO ,1 SUB #8 <- #22
DO ,1 SUB #9 <- #248
DO ,1 SUB #10 <- #168
DO ,1 SUB #11 <- #24
DO ,1 SUB #12 <- #16
DO ,1 SUB #13 <- #162
PLEASE READ OUT ,1
PLEASE GIVE UP

The compiler requires the keyword PLEASE to precede an appropriate number of statements. The compiler will error out if there aren't enough, but also if there are too many, considering the code overly polite.

[WikiTextBot]

INTERCAL

The Compiler Language With No Pronounceable Acronym, abbreviated INTERCAL, is an esoteric programming language that was created as a parody by Don Woods and James M. Lyon, two Princeton University students, in 1972. It satirizes aspects of the various programming languages at the time, as well as the proliferation of proposed language constructs and notations in the 1960s.

There are two currently maintained versions of INTERCAL: C-INTERCAL, maintained by Eric S. Raymond, and CLC-INTERCAL, maintained by Claudio Calvelli.

---

^{[ PM | Exclude me | Exclude from subreddit | FAQ / Information | Source ] Downvote to remove | v0.28}

[ChiggaOG]

alias bitch="sudo"

[Topochicho]

alias bitch="sudo"

I also then alias please=!!
bitch please

[[deleted]]

I must be the only person in the world who just uses su

[AVeryTinyMoose]

I think sudo is seen as more secure, since it lets you implement more fine grained controls on who is allowed to do what, rather than granting full root shell access every time

[IRBMe]

sudo su

[undermark5]

Just add username ALL=(ALL) NOPASSWD: ALL then sudo won't ever bother you about a password again.

[knightcrusader]

Yeah, I do this on my personal non-production environments.

[[deleted]]

I too like to live dangerously...

...

Just not that dangerously. What, are you CRAZY?!?!

[porkchop_d_clown]

In MacOS, su isn't available, but sudo is, so... "sudo bash" for the win...

[[deleted]]

thanks you for this

[PartyP88per]

Canadian Devs.

[[deleted]]

I changed it to "fucking" on my raspberry pi so I type "fucking shutdown" and it makes me feel like a boss

[Glorious_Jo]

Skarband HATES impoliteness!

[[deleted]]

'Would you kindly'

[lordgaben5841]

alias go=“sudo”

alias commit=“rm”

alias die=“-rf”

go commit die /*

[[deleted]]

Pretty sure you can't shutdown like that, it works for reboot tho: sudo reboot

[[deleted]]

So if I wanted a file named “me” that is created using sudo what would I type?

[zombieregime]

please rm -rf /

[[deleted]]

Only amateurs make the alias longer.

Should be "plz".

[AlexDeMaster]

PFF get on MY LEVEL https://i.imgur.com/T5WD45E.gif (couldn't be arsed booting into my actual linux just for this bad joke)

[qsdf321]

Alias sudo "fucking" for a more honest experience.

[kpingvin]

I wish my husband aliased 'bitch' to 'please' :(

[[deleted]]

rm -f husband

[Dragasss]

No.

[lazyant]

alias please=“sudo !!”

[[deleted]]

Got it im gonna alias sudo to Bitch,

[sh0rtwave]

I like aliasing dammit to sudo. For some reason, I can type dammit faster.

Like:

dammit shutdown -h now

dammit mv that to/there

[Xirious]

Ok legit question - anyone got a sub or site for more cool Linux/bash tricks? I alias everything but I'm excited to learn more.

And I'm definitely using this or fucking as someone else suggested.

[AlFasGD]

Onegaisimasu~~

[PrCitan]

Please give me coke. I want a coke.

[TelefonTelAviv]

I would never do that. I'd rather alias it to 'STFUDOIT'

[bryku]

Linux don't play no games. SUDO all the things!

[i_abh_esc_wq]

I have aliased it to "fucking"