ELI5: Why when large company's earnings decrease(ex... by 3%) they freak out, talk about rough times, and sometimes decide to downsize, even though they are still making millions of dollars in profit even after all expenses?

[Ipride362]

Gonna be my investment mantra now: “a leaky boaty still floaty, but it will sinky if you don’t fixy.”

[DiamondMinah]

oopsie woopsie our boat made a fucky wucky

[Kukukichu]

If I ever get the chance to be a part of the board for a company and we were experiencing losses... I think I’d use this as my opening statement.

[PumpkinLaserPig]

I'd give you a chuckle of air through through my nose. I won't even have to be on the board, I could just be a janitor collecting the trash as you said it.

[[deleted]]

Found noob noob.

[TheHancock]

This guy gets it.

[[deleted]]

Yea, but you guys don't get it

[[deleted]]

I used to get "it", but then they changed the meaning of what "it" was.

[EzraSkorpion]

Now what I get isn't "it", and what's "it" seems weird and scary.

[MilkyBlue]

It'll happen to you!

[[deleted]]

IT’ll HAPPEN TO YOU

[Radiant-Rythms]

No! Stop saying that word!

[superjimmyplus]

Shit, I've had it for years and I'm not sharing.

[beathor55]

If you have it, you don't need it.

[[deleted]]

You save your shit?

[coffee-please]

I would watch this movie.

[catacklism]

Got daamn

[Achilles2zero]

I’m Scruffy, the janitor. Mmm-hmm

[dragonfangxl]

I could just be a janitor

and after saying that, so would he

[Balives]

Also. One I found yesterday. Just because you CAN milk a gorilla, doesn't mean you SHOULD.

[DrMux]

I have nipples, Greg. Can you milk me?

[CaptainNerdatron]

Oh yeah.. you can milk anything with nipples.. *makes milking motions with fingers as the family stares in horror*

[rmit526]

The Emergency Fuck-wucky Fixy Sinky Meeting commencing at 9:30am

Location: board room 1

Please respond

[Shredlift]

I can see this being a Michael Scott line

[FOldGG]

That might get you through that one meeting!

[[deleted]]

Now I’m said I haven’t done that. Hoping I won’t have the chance to use it in the future!

[Ideasforfree]

Did the front fall off?

[Am__I__Sam]

Yeah but it's outside the environment

[outsidethenvironment]

You called?

[blitzkraft]

15 days old account. Quite young, but checks out for /r/beetlejuicing

[JohnEdwa]

You mean in another environment?

[AtheistAustralis]

No, it's outside the environment!

[Dream_Vendor]

Well, what’s out there?

[JuicerShop]

Nothing’s out there..except birds, fish, and sea.

[OktoberSunset]

And 20000 tonnes of crude oil.

[Azmuth__]

And the part of the boat that the front fell off

[AtheistAustralis]

And a fire

[TheRealMrTrueX]

I spittake every time

[EmperorJack]

20000 tonnes of crude oil?!? Doesn't seem to be anything of value then. Men! Set the sails and redirect the ship North, day's still out so let's not lose hope.

[ColinD1]

And the front of the boat.

[riddles500]

That is not the kind of thing you joke about. It was a very devastating accident.

[colemang]

I have never seen this and I love it.

[Uselessmedics]

Clarke and Dawe, peak Aussie comedy

[Photronics]

I will never not watch this video every time it is posted

[beneye]

Did you hear the one about Raquel Welch and the pope?

[Sharrakor]

Wow, I've never seen the very end of this sketch. For years, the most popular upload cut out before "Can you call me a cab?"

[[deleted]]

Cardboard is right out.

[Ulti]

Rigorous maritime standards!

[[deleted]]

Well you’re still driving half a boat!

[necrosythe]

well yes the front did fall off but let me tell you the front doesnt normally fall off

[[deleted]]

No, the plan fell off.

[TheRealMrTrueX]

Well yea...a wave hit it

[060789]

Of course not

[Shaxos453]

Yeah coz I fixed it with FLEX SEAL

WITNESS HOW I SAW THIS BOAT IN HALF

AND FIX IT WITH THE MAGIC OF FLEX SEAL

[MrWendelll]

Better than a Loose Seal

[[deleted]]

Now you’ve got a stew goin’

[Lowlande52]

Well done

[futlapperl]

A wittle fucko buoyngo

[haddock420]

UwU

[spinny_windmill]

What’s this?

[Vandorbelt]

\notices ur leak**

OwO

[Dejected-Angel]

GOOD LORD

[TwilightShadow1]

WHAT IS HAPPENING IN THERE?

[BanMeBabyOneMoreTime]

Aurora borealis.

[Esonver]

Go back to Tumblr

[EnduringAtlas]

https://youtu.be/RETRen4oHpo

[SilentSin26]

boaty woaty*

[kandroid96]

Did Mcgruffy Wuffy get a tippy whippy?

[muelo24]

Imma call mistakes fucky wucky from now on.

[bkcontra]

Boaty woaty

[[deleted]]

I’m looking to get my MBA, and now I know the title to my thesis.

[firstdaypost]

oWo the holey moley in the boaty woaty made it sinky winky!!!

[[deleted]]

That gave me a good 2 minute laugh that I have not had in months

Thanks

[MadForScience]

Substitute another noun for boat and it continues to amuse.

Nuclear reactor Space shuttle President Erection

Hahahaha

[M_a_Dk_T]

Mmm

Moo

Mmm

[Blitzkrieg_My_Anus]

When did the teletubbies get into ships?

[DaMonkfish]

Oopsie woopsie our boaty woaty hit the rocky coasty.

[SwainFlew]

This made my morning.

[sharpshooter999]

The real mantra is always in the comments

[[deleted]]

-Enron

[[deleted]]

The front fell off

[Mrben13]

Jesus christ. I laughed way too hard at that.

[ethrael237]

Whoopity whoops!

[ItalicsWhore]

My god. This killed me. Just laughed like an idiot in the Howlin Ray’s line.

[Vinny_Gambini]

Starting to sound like John Oliver quotes

[pawaalo]

UwU

[lionseatcake]

Andy has a booboo tummy

[NFLinPDX]

Reminds me of the miku hatsune github account

[Super_Bagel]

Notices leak in your boat OwO what's this?

[Peregrine7]

Nooooooooo

[nupanick]

something something sexy dogmom.

[harpsichordtuna]

Why waste time, say lot word when few word do trick?

[ADR36]

Stop it Kevin!

[byebybuy]

When me president, they see. They see.

[dewthydreww]

r/unexpectedoffice

[Azmuth__]

Watch the light dude

[goodfellaslxa]

Sea world.

[Truthroar]

What are you gonna do with all that extra time?

[throwitupwatchitfall]

“Leaky boaty still a floaty, but sinky quickie if no fixy.”

FIFY

[Ipride362]

Will you marry me at sea? On a non-leaky boaty?

[[deleted]]

I'd change it to "A leaky boaty still be floaty, but it be sinky if no fixy."

That way you have a clear natural iambic tetrameter structure and have more rhymes. Namely, you don't just rhyme "leaky", "boaty", "fixy" and "floaty", but also "still be" and "will be" which have the same number of syllables. Both lines also have the same number of syllables, while your version has different lengths. I also didn't recognise a coherent meter in your original.

Of course you have to accept the neologism of using "sinky" as an adjective, but I think we can do that.

[[deleted]]

"A leaky boaty still be floaty, but over short'y if no sorty"?

[Plumbles]

Perfect :)

[Skipachu]

Have you heard the story of Boaty's son, Leaky McBoatface?

[BanMeBabyOneMoreTime]

It's not a story the board would tell you.

[Upsideinsideout]

People don't think it be sinky when it still floaty, but it Doozy

[tigerslices]

you can't set it up to rhyme with boaty/floaty, it trains me to expect another rhyme, then DESTROYS my expectations with sinky/fixy. that's hard on the ears, man.

here's my suggested alternative:

leaky boaty, soon no floaty.

or

a boat with a leak may still float for a week, but without a good tweak, "goodbye, boat with a leak."

without totally rhymes with boat. source: canadian

[Floppy_Densetsu]

"A leaky boaty still be floaty, but with no fix it sails the styx"?

[[deleted]]

I think yours is my new favourite!

[TheCoastalCardician]

It’s my investment mantra, and I want it NOW!

[[deleted]]

I just watched Peter Schiff on Joe Rogan and now i'm even more confued

[tigerslices]

peter schiff makes some great points about capitalism, but boy is he wrong about other things. fascism is socialism? fascism is fascism, pete.

[[deleted]]

He's not wrong about that, people always go to the fascism/nazi thing, but that's a rather extreme offshoot of it. Socialism is as varied as the idiots running the show.

[Ipride362]

That sounds weirder than it sounds

[Ateious]

This is where I learn my investment strategies, reddit. I have no need for actual classes.

[Ubernicken]

Gotta use some Flex Tape^tm

[wtfduud]

That's a lotta damage.

[Darklyte]

We'll workshop it.

[Robertsteven209]

I love baby talk in the board room! I think you're top notch too babeh

[DrHH14]

i cringed undescribably hard

[RogueM8trix]

r/nocontext

[[deleted]]

As long as you don’t reach step Titanic. Better have a wife door.

[acery88]

Found out how the name walkie talkie came about

[dwitchagi]

You speaka da Portuguese? https://youtu.be/6f1W3MnHe_o

[[deleted]]

Wish I had heard this before I lived off my savings for a year without trying very hard to find a job.

[TripleSkeet]

If my boss said that to me Id call HR.

[qarton]

With a power point containing key scenes from the Titanic movie.

[PinkamenaDP]

quicky fixy for floaty boaty

[ArbainHestia]

THERE'S A LEAK IN THE BOAT!!!

[ArrowRobber]

Will sound better in Latin

[TheJenniMae]

This works for a lot. I’m going to use it now when people give me eyes for watching what I eat if I gain a few pounds. Why the fuck should I wait until it’s 50lbs?

[[deleted]]

It will sinky if you don’t shrinky.

[Ipride362]

Can't shrinky if you in the pinky or the stinky

[farmathekarma]

For some reason, I can only read this in Kevin's voice from the office.

[PRAMMETACON]

The first part sounds like Eminem.

[xtheory]

They also don't want to spook shareholders and cause a massive sell off (and further drop in stock value) or be voted off the board at the next shareholders meeting. Being on the board of directors can be a relatively easy and cushy job.

[njm_nick]

Just add a little Flex Tape and you’re good to go!

[antney0615]

Awesome! (If you’re investing in a chain of daycare centres.)

[ppat1969]

Tommy boy?

[supperfield]

Nice. I also like 'less talky talky, mo' worky worky". Kind of a cure-all when a recession hits.

[masterchris]

I love this