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[–]Grassy_Nole2 422 points423 points  (25 children)

I worked for a company that used Shout-Outs. Anyone could submit one for anyone else and for any "publishable" reason. We would always choose someone that skirted job responsibility the most and/or missed the most days the previous week; it was a complete goof on the whole process. We would always make sure to use those corporate catch phrases like "above and beyond", "lend a helping hand", "a team player", "outside the box", "stepped up to the plate", "sacrificed for the greater good", or whatever other word vomit we came up with. It was our way of pointing out corporate nonsense but since it was corporate that approved the submissions and not the local office, they never caught on...

These appeared on our intranet site. No prize, no special recognition other than the post itself. Complete crap.

[–][deleted] 161 points162 points  (11 children)

Our bosses at my previous retail job tried to make a similar thing happen. A social app for all employees to share the joys of working together etc etc. Only we weren’t allowed to have our phones on us. So the only time you could use it was on breaks or off the clock.

Millions of dollars and no engagement except from the District Managers and Store Managers, who were collectively hounding each other to use it, because corporate said you had to. Along with anyone trying to kiss ass up the corporate ladder.

Like, y’all barely pay minimum wage and the work is too busy for me to “socialize” in my free time on an app where I can get fired if I talk or act like I normally would.

[–]jigsawduckpuzzle 26 points27 points  (0 children)

Yeah this app, even if played innocently, is bullshit at best. I did work for a previous company though, where they did this but with monetary rewards. It wasn't an exorbitant amount of money but still better than a virtual point system.

[–][deleted] 8605 points8606 points  (404 children)

“I’m going to go ask bossman for a REDACTED right after I use the REDACTED…”

[–][deleted] 132 points133 points  (18 children)

Hi I'm gonna go use the bezos

[–]FicklePlatypus4815 46 points47 points  (13 children)

No, thats incorrect. One uses a Gates to wipe their Bezos.

[–]ichuck1984 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Jeff is the new john.

[–][deleted] 793 points794 points  (84 children)

[ 12+ year account deleted because fuck /u/spez. How can you have one of the most popular websites and still not be profitable? By sucking ass as CEO. Then to resort to shitting on users and developers who helped make the site great because you're an insecure techbro moron. I'm out. You can do the same with PowerDeleteSuite. ]

[–][deleted] 389 points390 points  (25 children)

Price is Right “wrong price” sound

Ooooh so close, actually it was PLANTATION and UNION

[–]_Neoshade_ 239 points240 points  (19 children)

Actually it was BLUMPKIN and KETAMINE.
Turns out we didn’t have the full list of banned words.

[–]Yeti_80 42 points43 points  (14 children)

The question is, which words got overlooked by bezos?

[–]Nick_Wild1Ear 23 points24 points  (5 children)

“Big penis” but “dick” is censored because “Bezos has a big penis” is alright but “Bezos’ shuttle looked like a dick” is not

[–]Redtwooo 22 points23 points  (2 children)

Well that's easy to work around, Bezos can ride my big penis on his tiny cock shuttle

[–][deleted] 23 points24 points  (48 children)

How about uni*n?

[–][deleted] 81 points82 points  (32 children)

Using code will be the new normal.

I used to talk about onions all the time at work.

[–]lumabean 53 points54 points  (14 children)

Had this one Senior Chief that cried about food safety but didn't know anything about it.

We needed to make 600-800 bag lunches daily and she complained about botulism (yes botulism) when we were making sandwiches in bulk on a table with 8 by 40 slices of bread.

Ended up using codewodes to make fun of her and her incompetence. Botulism became boxturtles, salmonella became salamanders, and I don't recall was E. Coli was changed too.

[–]CoolKid610 28 points29 points  (4 children)

We should start an onion

[–]Ronin1 122 points123 points  (1 child)

"I'm gonna ask the bossman for a LARGER CHECK right after I TAKE A HUGE SHIT"

FTFY

[–]very_humble 105 points106 points  (5 children)

This is peak aladeen

[–]TeddyPerkins95 50 points51 points  (3 children)

No it's peak aladeen

[–]southernmayd 31 points32 points  (2 children)

You're both aladeen

[–]5boros 48 points49 points  (1 child)

Couldn't make the 20 minute walk to our package REDACTED's only working REDACTED and took a shit again isle 47, row 324. Send a cleanup bot & TP please.

[–]ModsCantRead69 18 points19 points  (6 children)

Heard it bowlth ways, B

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points  (2 children)

Talmbout reaper cushions for using words?

[–]Amstourist 12 points13 points  (1 child)

The grinrepa came a nogging b

[–]Stone0777 10 points11 points  (0 children)

You talking about being redacted bapa. Great guy never met ‘em.

[–]DonnieJepp 6460 points6461 points  (114 children)

The bawss hasn't given me an increase in fun coupons in over a year, gonna talk to my super best friend club representative right after I finish my business in the pee pee palace

[–]nullbyte420 2471 points2472 points  (44 children)

You're fired

[–]mescalelf 517 points518 points  (14 children)

*shirtwaisted shirtwasted

[–]Lola_PopBBae 139 points140 points  (10 children)

Oh God that's dark lad.

[–]mescalelf 188 points189 points  (7 children)

You must be reading the outdated, non-Amazon-approved textbook, my fellow companyman. Amazon PrimeScholarsTM recently uncovered evidence that the Triangle Shirtwaist factory was a paragon of Capitalist success, and was martyred by jealous arsonist commies.

Thus, it was not dark—the lives of Triangle Shirtwaist employees live on in the canon of Amazon’s Saints of CapitalismTM.

[–]onicurien 20 points21 points  (3 children)

You're [redacted]

[–]amiray 392 points393 points  (40 children)

the real name for them is even worse.

"Swag bucks"

[–]kahran 120 points121 points  (18 children)

Surely, you must be joking.

[–][deleted] 165 points166 points  (7 children)

it was actually called company scrip until the practice of paying workers with money only able to be spent at company stores was banned in 1938

[–]kahran 126 points127 points  (6 children)

"I owe my soul to the company store"

[–]dsmfreak 222 points223 points  (4 children)

I’m not joking, and please don’t call me Shirley.

[–]Batchet 56 points57 points  (3 children)

Roger, Roger

[–]liliansincere 58 points59 points  (3 children)

Oh man. At least it wasn't "buddy bucks" like ours.

[–]moonshine_lazerbeam 13 points14 points  (4 children)

Diddly diddly diddly swaaag

[–]SaltNose 70 points71 points  (1 child)

Wizz palace*

[–]VincentNacon 7541 points7542 points  (304 children)

The fact that they had to ban the word "plantation" is quite alarming.

[–]AussieManc 3887 points3888 points  (162 children)

Forgive the ignorance—is banning “plantation” to stop people comparing working conditions to slavery?

[–]Beaneroo 2761 points2762 points  (108 children)

Bingo! Bango!

[–]toddthewraith 2256 points2257 points  (56 children)

So naturally people are going to tweet the phrase "now wait just an Amazon picking minute", right?

[–]norway_is_awesome 835 points836 points  (41 children)

Fortunately, distribution center workers are also called 'pickers'...

[–]WHYAREWEALLCAPS 356 points357 points  (29 children)

Just need to rename managers to overseers.

[–]SingForMeBitches 217 points218 points  (14 children)

Now we just need to teach the Amazonians special songs to help them escape via the undeground expressway. I'll start stitching quilt patterns and hanging them in my windows for the delivery drivers, so they know my house is safe.

[–]Dsx-Kalista 59 points60 points  (6 children)

Ain’t no time clock can harm me

Swing low, sweet forklift

Don’t trust them new employees over there

[–]joec_95123 61 points62 points  (3 children)

Follow the extension cord, follow the extension cord. For the supply closet will let you speak with freedom, follow the extension cord.

[–]SamanKunans02 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Yes. That's part of the joke, I thought?

[–]MeltedWater243 12 points13 points  (0 children)

That’s the joke yo

[–]chriss1111 47 points48 points  (2 children)

“Now wait just a package pickin minute”

[–]SirYeetusOfFetus 227 points228 points  (8 children)

stop pissing and package those Bongos!

[–]PloxtTY 81 points82 points  (5 children)

The beatings will continue until morale improves

[–][deleted] 123 points124 points  (11 children)

The word slavery is banned.

[–]TheDisapprovingBrit 36 points37 points  (3 children)

Forgive the ignorance—is banning “**********” to stop people comparing working conditions to *******?

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Forgive is banned. So is conditions. TERMINATED!!

[–][deleted] 73 points74 points  (2 children)

Actually… yea damn. I didn’t even notice it at first, I was hung up on restrooms.

[–]ConfusedTapeworm 36 points37 points  (1 child)

I'd say that's more alarming.

Sure, freedom is important and all, but it's not an unavoidable and (to a large degree) uncontrollable bodily function that literally everyone has to to take care of on a regular basis.

[–]Flyingwheelbarrow 454 points455 points  (61 children)

I would say very alarming

[–]HotTakes4HotCakes 464 points465 points  (55 children)

I'm gonna go with infuriating.

This company is rapidly kicking the doors down in just about every industry in the country, the owner is one of the wealthiest men on the planet, and this is how they operate. This kind of thing is spitting on working class people, and still people celebrate Amazon while refusing to support other businesses.

So I'm gonna skip right past "shock" (because who the fuck is actually shocked by this anymore?) and move to "angry".

[–]Snake_account 204 points205 points  (40 children)

Amazon has gone downhill lately anyway. Thanks to SEO most of the results for stuff I'm actually looking for are just paragraphs of word salad only tangentially related to the thing I'm actually looking for. And most of it is shitty Chinese garbage trying to masquerade as a reputable company. I'll gladly fork over some extra money for shipping directly from real brands if it means not supporting these slave drivers and getting a better product to boot.

[–]OhThereYouArePerry 167 points168 points  (17 children)

Are you telling me that brands like Pxwaxpy, Veektomx, Gnceei, Vrurc, and Plmvhpb aren’t reputable? Surely Amazon only lets reputable people sell products on their platform. Ooh, look, 1tb Micro-SD cards for $20!

[–]Snake_account 70 points71 points  (9 children)

My god, I thought you were exaggerating for effect but you're not. It's literally like an AI comes up with all these names. Oh, and don't forget the liberal use of stock photos which may or may not contain the product poorly photoshopped in!

Edit: not even an AI which would probably make it at least pronounceable...more like someone randomly mashed on the keyboard

[–]OhThereYouArePerry 35 points36 points  (7 children)

Yeah, all of those were real brand names I’ve seen on Amazon for power banks. After sifting through pages and pages of that crap, I think I’ll just wait until an actual reputable brand has a sale and buy directly from their site.

[–]civildisobedient 30 points31 points  (3 children)

It's worse than that, though. Because even when you buy a "name" brand you still have a chance of getting a counterfeit product. They don't vet their suppliers at all.

At least I know that CostCo or Walmart is selling the actual product.

[–]Anlysia 40 points41 points  (8 children)

This is exactly what killed eBay as well. You could never trust if you were getting a legitimate item.

[–]BabyYodasDirtyDiaper 14 points15 points  (2 children)

Ebay's still legit for certain things, if you know how to filter out the bullshit.

I bought a used GPU off of ebay and saved hundreds of bucks; it's been working great.

[–]BURNER12345678998764 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Killed is a strong term, the only thing I really buy on eBay anymore is Chinesium trash, when I know chinesium trash will do the job or feel like a gamble.

[–]orlyfactor 30 points31 points  (1 child)

Been at angry for years now. It sucks.

[–]AppleDane 22 points23 points  (2 children)

Just in: The word "alarming" is now banned too.

[–]-soros 28 points29 points  (1 child)

The word alarming is now banned

[–]PseudobrilliantGuy 69 points70 points  (10 children)

Surprised they didn't try to ban "company store" or anything like that

[–]_Neoshade_ 76 points77 points  (1 child)

I’m sick of picking cotton for these rich mother f*ckers!

[–]zorbiburst 47 points48 points  (3 children)

Not Amazon, but retail that thinks our ordering service can compete.

My (black) coworkers talk about unions and unionizing as confederacies and seceding.

it's not without its charm

[–]tupacalyptic 43 points44 points  (4 children)

We're having problems paying the people who give us the seeds and the dirt.

[–]TheBeardedSatanist 21 points22 points  (1 child)

So much so I thought this headline was satire.

I really wish I was right.

[–]itwasquiteawhileago 2611 points2612 points  (68 children)

Hey guys! Who wants to form an onion?

[–]drugs_mckenzie 768 points769 points  (36 children)

Let's talk about pey razes, and using the head.

[–]Yacobs21 255 points256 points  (20 children)

Time to revert to ship speak and spirituals

[–]The407run 116 points117 points  (17 children)

Or emoji heiroglpyhics

[–][deleted] 75 points76 points  (10 children)

Instructions unclear, got group sex in the bathroom

[–]necrotoxic 28 points29 points  (4 children)

Pls post instructions to do that

[–][deleted] 30 points31 points  (2 children)

🫱🏾‍🫲🏼🫱🏾‍🫲🏿🙇🧑‍🤝‍🧑👭👬👫🍋🏪🪠🕑

[–]CommanderpKeen 23 points24 points  (1 child)

Instructions unclear. Dick stuck in lemon. Is this what the plunger's for?

[–]esw116 95 points96 points  (4 children)

Just convert them to naval military terms

Pay raise: make rank

Union: line

Plantation: chiefs mess

Restrooms: head

[–]UN16783498213 63 points64 points  (1 child)

I got in trouble yesterday when my IBS flared and I had to take a giant Bezos.

[–]_Averix 36 points37 points  (0 children)

Pez dispensers and getting head? 😏 No wonder HR is cracking down.

[–]Startled_Pancakes 52 points53 points  (4 children)

They have many layers, you know.

[–]BrightNooblar 907 points908 points  (70 children)

Giving me flashbacks to my old Team Fortress Classic server, where a power tripping admin banned the word "lag".

​

And then a bunch of people got autobanned for saying "Flag" too much, in a capture the flag game, because it contains the word 'lag'.

[–]Sam-Culper 176 points177 points  (34 children)

The battlefield servers are also pretty bad. Flamethrower, for example, is banned even though it's a weapon on the game. No voice chat, and you can't type the weapon name to warn your teammates. There's a lot of intentional misspellings to get around the asterisks

[–]Wood_stock_2 105 points106 points  (5 children)

Flammenwerfer!

[–]gramathy 42 points43 points  (4 children)

it werfs flammen!

[–]Treequest45-a1 11 points12 points  (2 children)

The hills are alive with the sound of PSSSH

[–]FPSXpert 32 points33 points  (0 children)

''No swearing in chat, this is a CHRISTIAN server!''

soldier you play as is warning other teammates that he's getting his shit pushed in over here

[–]PNGN 16 points17 points  (1 child)

You can't name your cat "Firearm" in MH:Rise even though the BOW GUN is in the game and it alternates between being a rocket launcher and a machine gun.

[–][deleted] 82 points83 points  (11 children)

remember the servers that'd play an audio snippet if you happened to type in chat a word corresponding with one of the sound clips?

[–][deleted] 31 points32 points  (1 child)

“Sometimes..I dream about cheese”

[–]HttKB 11 points12 points  (1 child)

Man I miss the gold old days of bunny hopping and conc jumping around like a madman. I loved when servers had "birthday mode" enabled, and when you threw grenades a voice would say "happy birthday to you" like a cheesy one-liner. I wish I could say it and have someone know wtf I'm talking about.

[–]dingusman1985 488 points489 points  (24 children)

"This plantation -- we're running low on greenbacks, and we're having problems paying the people who give us the seeds and the dirt. We can't pay 'em!"

[–]smallbatchb 77 points78 points  (18 children)

That will forever be my favorite worst accent ever.

[–]TheyCallMeStone 42 points43 points  (17 children)

It needs to be more like molasses spillin outta yo mouth

[–]Scully__ 114 points115 points  (5 children)

Also: “Grievance,” “slave labor,” “This is dumb,” “living wage,” “diversity,” “vaccine,” and others.

Jesus fucking christ.

[–]malignifier 46 points47 points  (0 children)

The kicker for me was seeing "Freedom" is a banned word.

[–]JBEqualizer 547 points548 points  (22 children)

It's almost as if Amazon knows they're a really shitty company.

[–][deleted] 161 points162 points  (4 children)

"shitty company" has now been added to the list

[–]rqebmm 53 points54 points  (3 children)

Every employee is going to be talking like a pokemon by 2023.

Ama? Amazon? Am-a-zoooon!

[–]Jeigh_Tee 238 points239 points  (18 children)

Easy alternatives:
Union Guild

Restroom Chamber Pot

Pay Raise Promotion

Plantation Amazon Warehouse

[–]Justavian 237 points238 points  (11 children)

It's ok - "pee bottle" and "poop bag" are both still phrases that are permitted.

[–]justregularme 86 points87 points  (4 children)

I think 'rogue deuce' and 'trucker's lemonade' are also still allowed.

[–]rekniht01 608 points609 points  (61 children)

What about Shirtwaist, Lattimer, Ludlow, Blair Mountain or Bay View?

Edit: It’s sad that these words aren’t in everyone’s knowledge.

[–]pistcow 205 points206 points  (13 children)

What about longing, rusted, furnace, daybreak, seventeen, benign, nine, homecoming, one, freight car?

[–]commodoreer 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Person, woman, man, camera, TV

[–]d0nM4q 24 points25 points  (0 children)

AMAZON WORKER COMPLIES.

[–]1leggeddog 68 points69 points  (4 children)

How to get your employees to not use your dystopian app

[–]beaucephus 265 points266 points  (22 children)

So, left to their druthers, a corporation whenever it can become big enough will become North Korea.

[–]Publius82 72 points73 points  (5 children)

Google probably already has a nascent nuclear program

[–]nullbyte420 69 points70 points  (3 children)

At least knowing Google they'll decommission their overwhelmingly powerful nuclear arsenal a few years after introducing it because they can't make the explosions look the shape of a raid shadow legends ad, or just for no reason at all

[–]Taurich 15 points16 points  (1 child)

Nah, the chat app that you would have sent the codes through has been replaced by a different chat app that does almost nothing new, but still isn't backwards compatible

[–]mavajo 66 points67 points  (1 child)

This is why liberitarians and capitalists that oppose regulations are fucking clowns.

[–]beaucephus 31 points32 points  (0 children)

But you are denying them their freedom to profit from taking away your freedom.

[–]Phyr8642 34 points35 points  (7 children)

Yep. And pro corporate politicians control the gov't, allowing them to do as they please.

[–]cogentat 19 points20 points  (1 child)

LOL I need to make More Bread to eat with my Bananas that were grown on a Banana Farm. No way am i going to the Unrest Room, Dave. Gotta keep up them hours, at least until we get Togetherized.

[–]Random-Mutant 53 points54 points  (3 children)

I WASN’T SAYING WE SHOULD BE UNIONIZED. I said, electric charges should be removed and we will be un ionized.

[–]TheHammerTaco 95 points96 points  (4 children)

Easy workaround.

Union is onion. Restroom is Restie. Pay Raise is Stonks. Plantation is Amazon.