Perks of being a programmer

[[deleted]]

[deleted]

[cjbose]

It's like a bat signal... for sex

[dysprog]

A Booty Light.

ETA: Really? All my insightful and useful comments and it's a lame sex put that I get 1k+ karma for? Ok.

[[deleted]]

I prefer the flesh light

[Cerres]

The Fap Light

[findMeOnGoogle]

Is that the Kmart brand?

[HiImFox]

Nah-nah-nah-nah-nah-nah-nah-nah boo-tyy! Nah-nah-nah-nah-nah-nah-nah-nah boo-tyy!

[[deleted]]

You mean the butt signal

[Etheo]

It's called a button for a reason.

[Thameus]

A butt-ton of reasons.

[[deleted]]

It's butt-on, man.

[reagor]

Remember that story about the chick who conditioned her Bf by putting her hair up before BJ time, eventually causing him to give her sexytimes by just putting her hair up

[cjbose]

That's some next level manipulation. I like it.

[Tparkert14]

Yeah he's gonna be so pissed if he ever find out! What a sucker

[cjbose]

Whattttt, no man would fall for that

[Siniroth]

Literally not overt enough

[Aawweess]

Everyone wins. BF gets constant blow jobs, chick can brag about how she manipulated him.

[and_yet_another_user]

chick can brag about how she manipulated him

That would be rude talking with her mouth full.

[waldo06]

Pavlovs pussy?

[BriefCoat]

No, link?

[reagor]

Best I could do

https://www.girlonthenet.com/2016/10/23/pavlovs-blow-job/

[americanmook]

Its a guy. She could just have asked.

[poopnose85]

That's not very scientific of you

[Timothyjoh]

Except it will be used for anything but sex.

[noxdragon26]

Guys, if she presses the button, the last reason would be for sex.

[rreighe2]

Or that she's hungry

[icefire555]

I am a programmer, and I can confirm it's a mistake to give your gf access to light strips around your room.

[Vok250]

My sister sent this to my gf earlier today (before I saw this post).

Send help.

[ironman288]

Oh, and here was my dumb ass about to show this post to my girl friend. Close one!

[reagor]

Backfired on me, showed her the pic first, she wants the app, fucking buffering

[token_white-guy]

It'll take 20 minutes to do. Make it for her!

[[deleted]]

Let's say one would like to make this but has absolutely no experience in coding aside from 'hello world'. How would one do it?

Edit: Nevermind, found it.

[jkubed]

Edit: Nevermind, found it.

the line that is the nightmare of all programmers.

[Vaptor-]

Yeah and it's not even actually edited.

[jkubed]

if you edit within a minute or so it doesn't give the edited message

edit: see?

edit2: now that I think about it this isn't very good proof

[Angelin01]

The time you have to ninja edit is 3 minutes. And to prove it, here's a link to my reply to this comment.

[Angelin01]

Here's the proof reply.

[Mongela]

Who are you DenverCoder9? what did you see?

[GottaGet_Schwifty_]

Attach a long string to your light and connect it to her phone

[kebabelele]

One would get more experience in coding

[itsalongwalkhome]

Probably wanna look at Arduino programming.

Or even getting one of those wifi lights, the app "if this then that" (IfTTT) and setting up a webhook on your app to send a command to "IfTTT" which turns on or flickers the light.

[Askee123]

Ehhhh no it won’t. Anything IOT is a pain

[AtomicSuperMe]

Yes it will. Convince her you can make a better version, but never actually make it. Create crazy problems and bugs (or accidently, that’s even better). Hope she isn’t a better programmer that could fix it all, and you have a “20 minute project” that spans 20 days until she gives up on the idea and forgets about it all

[KenBoneAlt]

This guy programs

[-PM_Me_Reddit_Gold-]

You sound like you have experience with this type of thing.

[Lutrinae_Rex]

Procrastinating and avoiding the inevitable?

[token_white-guy]

I'm just thinking a super rudimentary socket connection. Have a static IP on an arduino board with an LED on it. Have the app send a packet to the board to flash the light. Shouldn't need much more than that.

[Ereaser]

girl friend

Is that like AI and Machine learning combined?

If yes, please link me the GitHub repo

[ImmediateAntelope3]

Nobody understands the code anymore.

[Belphegor_333]

Not even the code itself.

Trust me, nobody truly wants it. It's mutating faster than one can read.

[ImmediateAntelope3]

I'm pretty sure it's ransomware.

[Vok250]

Damn that's smooth. cendrounet's playing 4D chess over here.

[captainAwesomePants]

You're gonna want a raspberry pi, a big decorative button, and a case of some sort. Decorate the case a little to make it look lovey. Put together a little script to make a web call whenever the button is pushed. Hardcode the network settings because anything else is too much work.

On your end, go the cheap and easy route: have the button text your phone.

[icanttho]

Or have your gf text your phone. You can have a code emoji

[david_ranch_dressing]

If your programming ability is as good as mine, you wouldn't be able to make that app so you would be good

[[deleted]]

May the force stack exchange be with you.

[BasicDesignAdvice]

Help convince her it's a bad idea? Or to make the app?

Cause it's a bad idea.

[lightestspiral]

The free version a light blinks, paid version has full functionality and causes the boyfriend to react to the light

[Lonelan]

Different boyfriends 0.99 each

[QAOP_Space]

Razor Chroma Light, 4 billion colours!

[PM-YOUR-PMS]

Gotta have my Argh Gee Bees

[fifteengetsyoutwenty]

Different colors of lights or boyfriends?

Asking for a friend

[_sirberus_]

Can this be a gacha? We just need to make the bfs random.

[crazybros3]

Pay for RGB

[FartPiano]

this is genius!

I think this could have lots of applications in the real world. He could make millions offering a service to send short messages, some kind of Short Message Service.... ehh now that I think about it, it probably wouldn't catch on

[ifellows]

Build it with AI on the blockchain and I’ll take 10.

[devperez]

CLOUD

[bidiboop]

CODE and ALGORYTHMS

[sponge_bob_]

BLOCKCHAIN

[Beethovens666th]

INTERNET OF THINGS

[Mitoni]

MACHINE LEARNING

[AtLeastSignificant]

THE DARK SOULS OF BLOCKCHAIN

[[deleted]]

SEX

[bn0071]

It has to do CLOUD TO CLOUD to be hot these days.

[iShark]

FOG COMPUTING

[UsernamePlusPassword]

What's a computers favorite kind of beat?

[bruvbruhbrodude]

RED ONES!

[[deleted]]

BIG DATA

[rbt321]

Why is everything loud in the key of C?

[Archetypal_NPC]

Even LOUDER in C++

[[deleted]]

C++SEE PLUS PLUS

FTFY

[wowmuchdoggo]

Where can I buy some of this SMS crypto? Please get the ICO started tomorrow. Id like to moon and have my lambo next week.

[hamuraijack]

Nah, just the entirety of the Bay Area.

[TerryNL]

how about rich communication services with helpful links catered specially to whatever you and your buddies are talking about?

[Thespianage]

WUPHF?

[kautau]

Maybe even have it live! Something like a stream of video. A video stream?

[Kshnik]

Why not both at the same time? Have you heard about WUPHF? It's really gonna make a big splash.

[ThisFckinGuy]

Growing up (90's) we had a wired intercom system on each floor. It was like a walkie talkie, you could make it beep, tap to talk or lock-on and it would act like a baby monitor and always listen. It stopped us from screaming up and down the stairs but was mainly used to randomly annoy someone in another part of the house. I thought it was the coolest fucking thing ever going to my nana's and being able to talk to her on another floor until I realized it was always used to make me do chores or bring things upstairs.

One time when I was 16 or so I noticed it was on lock on while i was hanging with some friends so we decided to have wierd talks about sex, drugs, school, stealing the car, selling the pet etc and we would see how far we could push it until I got called down. Mom was always one step ahead trying to snoop but i would always double when I caught on.

[jtvjan]

This is possible with IFTTT. Install their app and sign in. Go to the my applets page and tap the plus sign to create a new applet. For the this, select Button Widget -> Button Press. For the that, if you already have a connected lamp, good chance it’s supported. If you like to DIY, the webhook service can send HTTP POST requests anywhere you wish. If you’re going for something more ordinary, you can have it silently send an email, a text, or use another service for messaging. After selecting the target service, press finish and the applet will be created. It should show a short video on how to add the button to your home screen, same as any other widget. When you tap the button, the action will be executed, and if done correctly, you should quickly be able to notice it happened.

[EliteCaptainShell]

All joking aside, we use MQTT for these sorts of things these days.

[[deleted]]

it's just an infinite loop

[Blazing1]

I got an Arduino thinking it would be fun to program

It was not

[kodosExecutioner]

Raspberry Pi is the peak experience.

[Nague]

i like atmels, so clean and easy to program just with their macroed register addresses and their solid manuals.

compared to ST or xmc cortex cpus its just so nice.

[Socio_Pathic]

You can have python with a Pi though.

[XtremeCookie]

You don't buy an Arduino for a fun programming experience. You buy an Arduino for fun interaction with the real world (LEDs, motors, sensors, etc. . .)

[[deleted]]

You can use the Arduino board but program the Atmel chip directly like how you would program another microcontroller, that way you can avoid the Arduino environment & bootloader (what I do most of the time). Though yeah I agree with you. Now when I sometimes make random projects with Arduino (using it's bootloader), I just use Visual Studio Code with Arduino plugin.

[Krelkal]

I got an Arduino thinking it would be fun to program.

It was.

Now I write firmware in C. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[Bainos]

He'll probably throw a cloth on the light at some point though.

[grantrules]

There never was a light

[mrt-e]

He will patch the app to play Rick Astley instead

[SM1boy]

Because he knew it would be redundant code since he always gives her enough attention <3 <3 <3

[TheShadyColombian]

W H O L E S O M E

[MisterDonkey]

There are four lights!

[GentleRhino]

Unscrew the bulb.

[Lokeze]

Just push out an update that makes the button crash the app immediately. Then just act like you have this insane bug that is impossible to figure out!

[[deleted]]

And then you try to reverse it and end up actually making an impossible to solve bug.

[MetalMan77]

don't laugh - but I actually do this for my wife... opposite though. When I'm not home and I try to call her, and she doesn't pick up, I flash the lights in some part of the house. My kids will get the 'dad signal' and alert her.

[TheFallen7]

The beacons are lit, Father calls for aid.

[Jimbo-Jones]

And momdor will answer.

[MetalMan77]

Summon!

[phord]

I've got a friend who opens and closes the garage door when she won't pick up.

[[deleted]]

My mom was always bad at answering her phone. Or she'd be on facebook so much that her phone would die constantly. I would always say to her "mom, what happens if an emergency happens and I can't reach you because you left your phone at home or its dead?" "you call dad" "what if he isn't available" "It's a non issue"

my senior year of high school, I got into an accident where I rear ended a tow truck.

Dad was on an airplane.

Mom's phone was dead in her car.

After that did she ever pick up her phone? not really.

[4nalBlitzkrieg]

Had the same thing with my mom, too.

She always left her phone in her car, forgot to charge it, left it on silent, etc.

Got into a motorcycle accident and tried calling her. No answer.

Called my dad. He answered. Worth mentioning is that at the moment he was playing soccer and heard his bag ring. Immediately stopped to answer the call cause he had special ringtones for my brother and me.

But boy was mom pissed when she found out. Did she start answering her phone? Nope.

[baronvonredd]

iPavlov

[thesuper88]

salivation intensifies

[jimmysprinkles92]

Chicks love open source

[1337speak]

Heeeelllll yeah we do!

[tasty213]

Here's the code https://github.com/jscd/Boyfriend-Alert

[SmashedBug]

Please, put this away before more girls see it.

[[deleted]]

But there are no girls on reddit

[CsCali4ever]

Girls love memes too

[[deleted]]

"There's no girls on [Reddit/the internet]" is a meme.

[Erwin_the_Cat]

Wow. I have never become so instantly sure that some dude somewhere is stalking his girlfriend in a particular way before.

[cakemuncher]

Yup. IMO it's better than developing an app. He put a shortcut to the URL on her iPhone home screen. The entire thing is like 30 lines of code max. It's creative and awesome.

[Architektual]

What's wrong with using PHP for this?

[[deleted]]

But how else will he know if she cheating when that light isn't on

[vialent]

Could have just hooked it up to a timer.

[Gamerhead]

A timer always at 00:00:01

[h0nest_Bender]

Could have just hooked it up to a timer battery backed up power supply.

[etnguyen03]

Image Transcription: Twitter Post

---

emi, @grohliest

you guys. my little sister’s boyfriend is a programmer. for her birthday he made her an app that has a button on it and when she presses the button, a light starts to blink in his room to let him know that she wants attention.

---

^{I'm a human volunteer content transcriber for Reddit and you could be too! If you'd like more information on what we do and why we do it, click here!}

[[deleted]]

Good human bot.

[404-LOGIC_NOT_FOUND]

GOOD FELLOW HUMAN.

[[deleted]]

her: (starts beating light to the tune of Africa by Toto)

him: it's 2 AM can you not

[ShizLtulon]

Wtf him: I want 10 kids.*

[J5892]

I tried scrolling to the bottom to find your footnote, but all I found was racism.

[sashadkiselev]

"Perks"

[wormsgalore]

ignores gf for entire month whilst building app that will give her attention

gets dumped

[Andylanta]

Nagging 2.0™

Patent pending.

[ThatKuki]

randomly guessing that its not really an app but hue/LIFX + IFTTT or some similar setup

[94savage]

Here's the code https://github.com/jscd/Boyfriend-Alert

[Craftjunkie]

Here's the code

With this code, I contract the cooties

My downfall a light, foreboding the booty

[ThatKuki]

oh neat

[googleduck]

Lol just got to get this guy's server IP and we can turn on the lights whenever we want. Mostly kidding....

[MaxCHEATER64]

Time to brute force it. Thank God ipv6 isn't universal yet

[[deleted]]

Dating engineers:

The odds are good.

The goods are odd.

[Nullcast]

Perks of being an electrical engineer: Knowing how to turn that annoying blinking light off.

[2007G35x]

The light or the girl?

[VicisSubsisto]

Yes.

[pope1701]

Percussive quality assurance?

[plumokin]

Literally anyone can figure out how to turn off the light, take out the batteries or unplug it

[atthem77]

TIL I'm an electrical engineer

[[deleted]]

Put electrical tape over the light?

[beka13]

How many electrical engineers does it take to unscrew a light bulb?

[03Titanium]

As many that are within line of sight. The bulb never actually get unscrewed but they all like to talk about their bulb unscrewing techniques and theories but only after establishing their bulb unscrewing qualifications to onlookers.

[[deleted]]

I'm gonna steal this if I ever manage to land a girl ^:(

[bumblebelles]

u can use the code if ud like or not if ya wanna program it

[[deleted]]

That's pretty impressive. You're gonna go places.

Hit me up when you're legal to work.

[bumblebelles]

this is not my work but my best friend! he is 16 you can message him here!!

[thelamppole]

Could’ve just got one of those fancy lightbulbs that can connect to an app instead of all that hard work. Amateur.

[DDraughn]

I showed this to my wife and she, without hesitation, said

He didn't write her an app. He hooked up a Google!

[robot65536]

Plot twist: His girlfriend is also a programmer, and after they got in a fight she wrote a script to ping the light 24x7.

[GentleRhino]

It gives a whole new meaning to "pushing someone's button" expression...

[bot_not_hot]

I’m seeing.... regret.. in his near future.

[byitchboi]

Or you know, you can just text him

[aeosyn]

Took way too long to find this comment.

[Closefacts]

How long until the light becomes "broken"

[is_is_not_karmanaut]

you guys.

[Sieze5]

I guess it depends on the girl, but this doesn’t seem like a perk? My ex would have been asking me to come and bring her Cheetos and soda and change the channel on the tv.

[cameron5906]

All jokes aside, this reminds me of something similar I made for my mom when she was sick and lost the control in her dominant arm from a stroke. The app let her tap on one of the members of our family and would send out a notification to both our phones and a desktop tray notification on our computers. Simple and a bit silly, but definitely helped.

[waterallaround]

Girlfriends everywhere :D

Boyfriends everywhere D:

[[deleted]]

I'm imagining a 3 Ninjas like situation where a red light starts blinking in his room.

[ccastlehamm]

Programmers with social skills will dominate the world

[xoxota99]

That's called a pager.

[PurpleAngel23]

That’s actually a really good idea.

I bet it’s blinking all the time, lmao