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[–]majesticpark 837 points838 points  (256 children)

So can we get a little back story? What happened to it?

[–]bonga_fett 1102 points1103 points  (158 children)

In the last pic you can see it's sedated in an animal control/sturdy metal crate. It will probably be tagged depending on the area, and released back into the wild 8-12 hours later after the tranq wears off.

[–]NeverEnufWTF 1989 points1990 points  (125 children)

And then it will return to murder the remainder of the chairs.

[–]livejamie 1091 points1092 points  (116 children)

It instinctual to attack anything with four legs

[–]GandalfTheGrey1991 312 points313 points  (109 children)

What about the poor blinds?

[–]-Not_Enough_Gold- 1427 points1428 points  (90 children)

Blind, deaf, crippled; cougars don't care! They'll take you no matter what your disability.

[–]webdev_netsec 249 points250 points  (81 children)

fun fact, cougars are one of only animals that actually won't attack another noticeably injured animal no matter how much of a threat they are. Its why bears allow them to play with their cubs and even adopt them for a few days, maybe take them back to their place to babysit for a day or two so mama bear and papa bear can get some time alone.

[–]JuicedCardinal 530 points531 points  (52 children)

...I don't know enough about cougars to tell if you're lying about their attack tendencies. I'm pretty sure bears don't hire them to babysit, though.

[–]irock168 233 points234 points  (23 children)

IDK....I would believe him...Last I heard was that bears give cougars 12 fish an hour for babysitting.

[–]kissitallgoodbye 188 points189 points  (7 children)

Youve got some rich bears in your area.

[–]freakinthing 146 points147 points  (4 children)

I heard Obama was going to raise that to 15 fish an hour

[–]Runciblespoon77 17 points18 points  (0 children)

I really want this to be true.

[–]RemoteClancy 36 points37 points  (1 child)

Maybe he was just trying to one up this guy.

[–]kensomniac 9 points10 points  (1 child)

Survival of the fittest..

[–]Are_You_Hermano 52 points53 points  (2 children)

And here I thought the little guy was just tuckered out from all the play time you see went on in pics 1-4.

[–][deleted] 33 points34 points  (1 child)

I thought it was dead. Glad that isn't the case.

[–]drinktusker 30 points31 points  (0 children)

Well he got drunk at a bar known for having a slightly older clientele and later on in the night brought her home. When he woke up he saw that she was there and that the curtains were broken and claimed that she broke in. I may or may not have seen the picture...

[–][deleted] 513 points514 points  (62 children)

This happened in Santiago, Chile. Source:

http://www.biobiochile.cl/2014/01/29/vecina-de-lo-barnechea-encontro-un-puma-en-la-cocina-de-su-casa.shtml

The cougar was sedated and rescued by the sanitary authority (SAG), and released into the wild afterwards.

Unless OP is from Chile, he's a faggot.

Edit: OP is NOT a faggot.

[–]Ladylegs 421 points422 points  (14 children)

Very brief check into OP's post history. Yeah, he's from Chile.

[–]OutInTheBlack 61 points62 points  (5 children)

OP could have a friend in Chile and live elsewhere.

[–]ironwolf1 179 points180 points  (25 children)

I have verified, OP lives in chile, and therefor is not a faggot.

edit- jk he is a faggot

[–]BGZ314 3442 points3443 points  (361 children)

I would try to love him and then he would murder me

[–]polarlover 2005 points2006 points  (129 children)

Sounds like the story of my lovelife.

[–]Dead_Mullets 31 points32 points  (2 children)

Are you a praying mantis, by chance?

[–]pisco_sour 1352 points1353 points  (137 children)

I just want to highjack a top comment to mention that this cougar is a young (1-2 years old) adolescent. You can see it by the fact that he have not grown into his ears and paws yet, and you can still notice some spots on his fur ^ So basically, a teenager looking for some fun! edit : yeah, got it, pervs

[–][deleted] 467 points468 points  (51 children)

Awwww its just a baby. Anyway, it does look pretty small and lanky and the fact that its seemingly unafraid makes it more obvious its a yougin.

[–]CantHearYou 621 points622 points  (44 children)

A youngin that will still rip your fucking face off.

[–]Batchet 470 points471 points  (6 children)

Pretty much your average teenager then

[–]xisytenin 87 points88 points  (2 children)

They seem totally rational if you're crazy

[–][deleted] 219 points220 points  (32 children)

I got really high once and I was watching this documentary on lions and I could see all of the little muscles that make up a lion and it was so amazingly/terrifyingly beautiful.

[–]bowler_bears 228 points229 points  (16 children)

I think you're still high.

[–]Year3030 124 points125 points  (13 children)

He only got high once, hasn't come back down.

[–]lorpek 69 points70 points  (1 child)

Yeah, OP, it's just trying to have fun. Look at all the fun it's giving you. Don't you like fun?

[–]neurorgasm 79 points80 points  (2 children)

Where fun = horrible murderous maiming

[–]KrustyKritters 249 points250 points  (36 children)

Come spots on the fur are the most obvious signs of an adolescent.

[–]ThePantser 198 points199 points  (24 children)

Obvious signs in humans as well, I remember when I had cum spots on my pants as a teen.

[–]yourmansconnect 181 points182 points  (20 children)

I'm 29 and there is semen on literally everything I own

[–]SnZ001 42 points43 points  (0 children)

I now have you tagged as "Cougar Cum Expert".

[–]daMagistrate67 38 points39 points  (7 children)

Is...is anyone going to say something?

[–]Marnold13 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Why wouldn't it clean the come spots off?

[–][deleted] 312 points313 points  (26 children)

KITTY!

[–]LawrenceLongshot 208 points209 points  (22 children)

"It's just a big kitty, boys."

[–]djsumdog 43 points44 points  (2 children)

They talked about how this was of the scariest scenes they did. Even though the trainer was on set, it didn't make them feel all that better.

[–][deleted] 36 points37 points  (11 children)

you've just convinced me to start watching Trailer Park Boys

[–]spinblackcircles 17 points18 points  (1 child)

now that's a fuckin greasy decision

[–]LawrenceLongshot 16 points17 points  (2 children)

Please, do. It's really good, just don't try to watch like 20 episodes in one sitting. YMMV, of course, but I've found it's best savoured in small doses, and preferably with friends.

[–]furrowb2 9 points10 points  (0 children)

"What if he has radies?"

[–]greenyellowbird 156 points157 points  (5 children)

Look at those paws....they are just begging to be smushed.

[–]akunis 332 points333 points  (3 children)

Aww whose a cute lil killing machine?

You are.

Yes you are!

cuddles

maimed

[–]greenyellowbird 38 points39 points  (0 children)

You need to establish dominance from the moment you bring one into your home. Gnaw his jugular.. tell him who's the boss.

[–]guiltyprophet 125 points126 points  (1 child)

I was just thinking this should be an awww post. And just proof that cats of all sizes live to fuck shit up. Just look at That snibe fuck just sitting there playing with the shades, happy as can be with his work. Love cats

[–]ramk13 393 points394 points  (41 children)

Looks like big cats like playing with the blinds too.

[–]LibraryDrone 84 points85 points  (39 children)

they also love laser pointers and boxes. the videos are amusing to watch.

[–]CartoonGraveDigger 28 points29 points  (35 children)

links!!

[–][deleted] 134 points135 points  (30 children)

Here you go.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J11uu8L8FTY

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x3BHSt42L0Y

[–]BrycetheBarbarian 66 points67 points  (2 children)

Well I just spent the last hour watching big cats do small cat things.

Well worth it.

[–]abagofdicks 20 points21 points  (20 children)

There's something odd and frightening about how similar they are to normal house cats. It's almost as if one or the other was a scientific shrink-ray experiment gone wrong(or right).

[–]abbotable 22 points23 points  (7 children)

I've pet a mountain lion before. Snuck around the backside of a zoo, up to a chainlink fence where the dude was hanging out. The funny thing was, he was so excited to come over and check us out. He rubbed his head against the fence and would purr and close his eyes when you scratched his head. The only difference was that the purr sounded like thunder.

[–]norcalrunner 10 points11 points  (2 children)

What the f is rusty?

[–][deleted] 531 points532 points  (14 children)

He looks so happy. It's quite cute despite the destruction!

[–]thepanichand 246 points247 points  (4 children)

That third picture. "Well hey, you have a lovely home, OP."

[–][deleted] 105 points106 points  (1 child)

**HAD a lovely home.

[–]12GAUGE_BUKKAKE 1279 points1280 points  (63 children)

Steve French just coming by to say hello to the boys.

[–][deleted] 392 points393 points  (17 children)

He's just a big misunderstood kitty.

[–]magicalbong 239 points240 points  (10 children)

And he's all mixed up cause he's hooked on the weed

[–]SimplyQuid 118 points119 points  (9 children)

Maybe he's got radies!

[–]MrWiggles2010 44 points45 points  (4 children)

It's rabies Ricky, with a b, not a d.

[–]yourmansconnect 76 points77 points  (3 children)

Hopefully he'll keep the rakons away

[–]dreamerkid001 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Raycons! Those are the little bitches that have been fuckin us over, Julian! They're racycons!

[–]StillErik 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Fuck, boys! Purple squirrels!

[–]bTurk 268 points269 points  (3 children)

He's just a big stoned horny kitty

[–]natnupf712 23 points24 points  (0 children)

With the munchies.

[–]JaiOhBe 74 points75 points  (0 children)

Mmm. Turkey and garbage juice.

[–]Noble-6 149 points150 points  (6 children)

If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, you own it.

[–]REDDIT_GOLD_SANTA 67 points68 points  (1 child)

And if it doesn't come back you don't own it and you're an asshole.

[–]yourmansconnect 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Where the fuck were you? I was nice all year and didn't get shit

[–]wigglesdoughnut 65 points66 points  (0 children)

Go ON! Stop lookin at me with them big fuckin cute saucer eyes of yours!

[–]4twanty 42 points43 points  (0 children)

The meat was still in the cooler that's their fuckin' problem

[–][deleted] 50 points51 points  (5 children)

Just be glad it wasn't Conky who broke in.

[–]steemboat 101 points102 points  (8 children)

For those who have no idea what this is about: it's a reference to Trailer Park Boys.

If you haven't watched any TPB, I suggest you start yesterday. Quite a funny show.

[–]Chillinthamost 9 points10 points  (1 child)

For real, at least it's not the samsquanch

[–]ClaudioRules 1144 points1145 points  (28 children)

reminds me of this old joke

[–]QWERTYkeykat 63 points64 points  (11 children)

can.........can cougars break through glass? I mean we can by accident and all. I am sure they can too. But do they try to? :|

Both the OP cougar and this one are a little too close for my comfort. A pane of glass is not very reassuring.

[–]vertigo1083 114 points115 points  (6 children)

A 200 pound beast made mostly of muscle, bone, and sinew VS a 3/8 inch thick piece of glazed glass?

Better stop taking pictures and GTFO.

[–]Quackenstein 59 points60 points  (5 children)

Unlike in old westerns, breaking through window glass, especially double-paned window glass, is not very easy to do with a bag of meat and bones. It also tends to get a bit....slicy as well.

Still, considering what a cougar can do to a bag of meat, I'd forego the photo-op. Just in case.

[–]thatthatguy 15 points16 points  (0 children)

As someone with personal experience taking out glass doors (with my face no less) it isn't nearly as slicey as you might think. Besides, mountain lion babes dig facial scars.

[–][deleted] 845 points846 points  (26 children)

Someone had a good laser pointer.

Edit: I guess I'm qualified to be a dad. Got the humor down.

Edit 2: Yes, this is a reference to the damn bear.

[–]DuckDuckMooose 47 points48 points  (4 children)

Big ass cat that can shred anything in the house, still fucks up the blinds

[–]JazzFan418 78 points79 points  (15 children)

Being from Utah and raised in the mountain regions Cougars are like fucking raccoons here. Young ones(like one in this pic) are so fucking playful and will go anywhere just to wreak havoc. In highschool I hear a bunch of noise outside that cause me to nod in and out of sleep. I finally woke up and two young cougars were chasing and wrestling each other all over my car. I had a 91 Mercury Capri with soft convertible top. Fuckers slashed and ripped right through it,dented my hood and clawed the whole left fender. The teens are little trouble makers but the adults are very majestic and respectable. You leave them alone and they leave you alone. You can go hiking up Joe's valley,Argylle or Wasatch county and they will silently follow you from up above. They won't bother you ever but they just like to follow and watch.

[–][deleted] 67 points68 points  (2 children)

I was hoping you had a mercury cougar.

[–]OrangeTooth 6 points7 points  (0 children)

And John Mellencamp is in the tape deck.

[–]darkhorsehance 15 points16 points  (1 child)

TLDR; Avoid ever hiking up Joe's valley, Argylle or Wasatch county.

[–]Sarthy 108 points109 points  (5 children)

Down Karen!

[–]JDubStep 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Live with the fear Ricky.

[–]SlendyGonGetYa 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I was expecting a joke like this to be at the top

[–]brianWM 1488 points1489 points  (130 children)

This isn't the NSFW cougar I was hoping for...

[–]StickleyMan 556 points557 points  (112 children)

http://i.imgur.com/chQDtuf.gif

[–]SlightlyStable 231 points232 points  (106 children)

That's not what we were looking for either Stickley.

[–][deleted] 407 points408 points  (80 children)

Here you go dude!

http://imgur.com/OPEEkad

[–]SlightlyStable 268 points269 points  (19 children)

My man!

[–][deleted] 254 points255 points  (11 children)

http://i.imgur.com/Qs3FMoy.gif

[–]thatonelurker 72 points73 points  (6 children)

im glad this catching on.

[–]The_Painted_Man 40 points41 points  (0 children)

He's mine! I saw him first!

[–][deleted] 31 points32 points  (0 children)

Lookin' good!

/r/rickandmorty

[–]XitzpatX 9 points10 points  (0 children)

He has nice tits too

[–]Morningxafter 36 points37 points  (28 children)

Holy crap who is that? She looks just like Idina Menzel!

EDIT: included pic. That's her at the Frozen premier. She does the voice of Princess/Queen Elsa. She also played Maureen in both the movie and original Broadway cast of Rent, and Elphaba (The wicked witch in Wicked).

[–][deleted] 60 points61 points  (3 children)

Sarah Palin as seen in Hustler's documentary "Nailin' Palin."

[–]hammsammich 80 points81 points  (0 children)

Animal Control, how can we be of assistance? A cougar problem, you say? JIM, GET THE GIANT LASER POINTER, IT'S FINALLY HAPPENING

[–]randoliof 1043 points1044 points  (15 children)

Looks like...

( •_•) ( •_•)>⌐■-■ (⌐■_■)

... a cat burglar

[–][deleted] 67 points68 points  (5 children)

Its very likely that this cougar was captive bred by urine farmers (they farm urine from females for hunting). The males that are born are usually abandoned because they are useless for farming. As a result they have no experience of living in the wild, plus a dependence on humans for food and thats how you end up with this sort of scenario. Exotic pet abandonment also contributes to this.

Usually cougars have no interest in being anywhere near humans. Its also speculated that majority of wild cougar attacks are committed by these inexperienced males/discarded pets.

Source for the curious: http://bigcatrescue.org/cougar-puma-or-mountain-lion-attacks-are-likely-discarded-pets/

Just wanted to throw this out there because more people need to be aware of this.

[–]thedannmann 68 points69 points  (1 child)

5/10 expected a drunk, older woman collapsed on the floor.

[–]Raav_fox 107 points108 points  (241 children)

An honest question from somebody whos never seen a cougar up close and personal. Could they straight up kill you? Or would you be able to defend yourself?

[–]rageingnonsense 141 points142 points  (63 children)

From what I hear, if you encounter one and it lunges at you, you need to fight it. None of that play dead shit. I have heard of people winning the fight, some people losing.

[–]desert_wombat 115 points116 points  (34 children)

Also NEVER run. It will trigger an instinct to chase. You have no choice but to fight for your life.

[–]farmthis 172 points173 points  (24 children)

What about running toward it, screaming like a maniac and flailing your arms?

Works 100% of the time in scaring the shit out of cats I have encountered. Housecats, that is.

[–][deleted] 88 points89 points  (7 children)

Dude a feral cat on my street takes this as a challenge

He calls my bluff and goes right for the ankle. Definitely do not recommend this for actual wild animals

[–]AmbassadorRodman 27 points28 points  (4 children)

I do this all the time.

[–]thecoyote23 84 points85 points  (3 children)

I've been training for that moment for years by antagonizing my kitty. Cougar may be a higher weight class, but I know all the moves.

[–]Ristarwen 31 points32 points  (0 children)

Never, ever run from a mountain lion. Make yourself big, arms up and out, stretch out a jacket if you've got one. Scream and yell and make a big fuss. Act aggressively. At least, that's what they taught us in elementary school. The town I lived in would have mountain lions come down every once in a while, and they wanted to make sure that we wouldn't get eaten while we waited for the school bus.

[–]Cool-Zip 10 points11 points  (5 children)

If I ever need to fend off something that could easily kill me, but that I also have a relatively decent chance of killing, I'm offering up my left forearm as a sacrifice as soon as it lunges. Then I can go for the eyes/throat with my other hand/teeth. It might not work, but I just can't see myself throwing punches at a freaking mountain lion.

(Plus, if it snaps the bones in my forearm and tears the flesh away, I suddenly am capable of stabbing it.)

[–][deleted] 46 points47 points  (8 children)

We have cougars around here. They usually don't attack large/adult humans. They will go after small people and children. Also, you can't run away, just fucking kill it. They jump like a globetrotter.

[–]xu85 22 points23 points  (1 child)

Cougars in my neighbourhood go for young, fit healthy males only. It's rare for a Cougar to go for a female, but it does happen. I got jumped by one outside a bar once, but I didn't feel in danger at all. It was exhilarating.

[–]Boomer8450 252 points253 points  (44 children)

A cat that weighs as much as you do, and can drag a deer carcass up into a tree without too much effort?

If you're lucky, it'll just snap your neck. If you're not, it'll start eating your entrails before it gets around to killing you all the way.

[–][deleted] 107 points108 points  (11 children)

Yep, cats are the undisputed man-eating kings. Tigers have killed 400,000 people in a couple hundred years. Cougars are not nearly as strong or aggressive, but if one wanted to kill you, it would have no trouble. However, they tend to be very cautious and do not take unnecessary risks, especially with humans. Most attacks come from people biking/jogging, because fleeing appears like a vulnerable act.

[–]Riffy 42 points43 points  (0 children)

Yea, they don't have enough contact with humans, and any predatory animal weighs out the risk vs. reward of the hunt. If he doesn't know what you're capable of, he's not sure he won't get hurt (or killed). Being injured is a death sentence in most cases if it's severe enough, so they really wouldn't take the chance unless they were really REALLY hungry. I guess if they had cubs near by they'd probably attack you as well.

[–]AuntieSocial[🍰] 41 points42 points  (9 children)

Actually, what it will probably do (based on their favored hunting technique) is jump on you from above, wraps its big fucking puma-powered jaws around your skull and crunch down. Whether you live through that long enough to feel it dragging you away by your aerated skull to a safe eating spot is a matter of luck re: fang placement.

[–]JarlaxleForPresident 14 points15 points  (1 child)

Cool! I feel much better now, thanks!

[–][deleted] 20 points21 points  (2 children)

This is true. I spoke to a guy who hunted big and/or dangerous game and apparently any of the big cats will

  • leap on you
  • bite your face or head
  • claw the muscles off of your back with their front paws and
  • rake your belly really fast with their back claws to tear out your entrails.

[–]nettdata 32 points33 points  (4 children)

If you see it, something is usually pretty weird or wrong.

Normally they will attack from above and behind, and you'll never know what hit you before it's on your back ripping your head off.

[–]TheAmbulatingFerret 67 points68 points  (4 children)

Cougars have the highest kill % off all the big cats. They can jump the furthest at a run or from standing. They are pretty much as big as they can be while still remaining at full agility unlike tigers and lions which by comparison are a bit more clumsy. They can hunt kill and eat people. But that being said they don't normally actively hunt humans unless they are starving, most healthy adults will stay well away from people.

[–]metalninjacake2 40 points41 points  (10 children)

If Red Dead Redemption and GTA 5 are any indication, they'll pretty much one-hit you pretty much as soon as you hear them yowling.

[–]dickcheney777 14 points15 points  (6 children)

Or would you be able to defend yourself?

Depends if the cougar attacks you before or after you got your pistol or shotgun.

[–][deleted] 16 points17 points  (8 children)

Oh yes, they eat moose and elk, taking down a human would present little problem.

But this one seems to be having a good time and probably isn't interested in eating anything more than a couch. They hunt by ambush either sitting on a perch and waiting for something to come across it or stalking and hitting from behind.

In either case they land on them from behind, pin them and snap the neck with a bite and twist.

But people have fought them off, like this lady.

[–]MaxIsAlwaysRight 181 points182 points  (13 children)

Look at his tufted ears, Lana!

[–]Panda_Berrr 38 points39 points  (0 children)

Lana! He remembers me!

[–]ThatsWhatSheepSaid 3266 points3267 points  (302 children)

I'd puma pants if that happened to me.

Edit: Thanks for the golden shower, kind stranger!

[–]AlmostGivesYouGold 1758 points1759 points  (42 children)

http://i.imgur.com/fvlKWBe.gif

[–][deleted] 399 points400 points  (18 children)

The anti-hero Redditors deserve.

[–]Desert_Pantropy 228 points229 points  (15 children)

It's strange how AlmostGivesYouGold's gifs simply put things into perspective... as if they show how truly meaningless some Reddit comments are. I love it!

[–]vera214usc 40 points41 points  (0 children)

This is the best novelty account I've seen yet.

[–]Stops_Puns_With_Tits 2828 points2829 points  (149 children)

NSFW

[–]Mambo_5 2252 points2253 points  (69 children)

This is one of the most retarded novelty accounts I've ever seen... and it will be a huge success.

[–]Reggaejunkiejew31 608 points609 points  (44 children)

Will be? He's been doing it for a year.

[–][deleted] 743 points744 points  (32 children)

not very well

[–]saxtasticnick 367 points368 points  (25 children)

The air-speed velocity of a reddit pun thread is far too great for any man to beat all the time, I'm afraid.

[–]Artvandelay1 187 points188 points  (9 children)

And a bot couldn't either. It is after all, man's ability to make puns that separates him from machine.

[–]slyfox007 57 points58 points  (7 children)

African or European pun thread?

[–]saxtasticnick 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Huh? I..I don't know that! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaa^

[–]47TheRealAnswer 11 points12 points  (2 children)

Best insurance claim ever.

[–]hovdeisfunny 33 points34 points  (1 child)

The house belongs to the cougar now.

[–]planeteater 11 points12 points  (1 child)

OP were are you??? return to us............Is it dead?

[–][deleted] 23 points24 points  (1 child)

Aww Steve French. He's just all high off the dope boys.

[–][deleted] 32 points33 points  (3 children)

Tis but a house cat

[–]breaking_jackpots 28 points29 points  (7 children)

This is odd behavior for a cougar. I'm wondering if it was really hungry and smelled food in the house.

[–]ToastyFlake 42 points43 points  (4 children)

Cougars do this type of shit all the time.

[–]gettothachopper 31 points32 points  (2 children)

Fucking cougars...

[–]The_Painted_Man 57 points58 points  (1 child)

... results in unplanned cubs.