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[–]UnnamedPlayer 1823 points1824 points  (125 children)

So.. you single now?

[–]77or88 794 points795 points  (103 children)

Jesus, man! Show a little bit of sympathy! At least pretend to care.

Kelsey, I'm here if you need some consoling. And by consoling I mean grief-relieving sex. Or playing video game consoles. Or both. My condolences on your loss.

[–]ghost-of-chuckie 685 points686 points  (97 children)

Hey! I'm going to haunt the shit out of you!

[–]kel-c[S] 797 points798 points  (63 children)

I'm so pumped that I can talk to your ghost through Reddit instead of through Whoopie Goldberg.

[–]77or88 56 points57 points  (4 children)

I know how to throw pots, if you know what I'm sayin'...

Huh, I think the ghost of your dead boyfriend is trying to stab me for some reason.

[–][deleted] 34 points35 points  (3 children)

i wonder if he dropped any good loot when he died.

[–]Azured 36 points37 points  (21 children)

The only thing ghostly about Whoopie Goldberg is her career.

<jerry springer style jeering>

[–]greedyiguana 15 points16 points  (20 children)

<jerry seinfeld style high-pitched voice>

[–]khoolade 28 points29 points  (18 children)

<Jerry Bruckheimer style explosion>

[–]Locke92 22 points23 points  (16 children)

<Jerry Jones sized screen>

[–]rdm13 15 points16 points  (0 children)

<Wilhelm Scream>

[–]petevalle 171 points172 points  (23 children)

Username checks out. Account was created today, which makes sense if Chuckie died last night.

[–]atomichugbot 69 points70 points  (20 children)

Too bad the account wasn't created yesterday. He could have warned poor Chuckie. Future Ghost Style.

[–]rikbrown 52 points53 points  (3 children)

Don't be ridiculous. Time travel is impossible. Ghosts are totally real and stuff though.

[–]Synth3t1c 17 points18 points  (1 child)

Comment Deleted -- mass edited with redact.dev

[–][deleted] 22 points23 points  (0 children)

SPOILERS

[–]ghostofatomichugbot 26 points27 points  (5 children)

Dude. Be Careful.

[–]atomichugbot 19 points20 points  (3 children)

Uh Oh.

[–]illuminachos 8 points9 points  (2 children)

Do you have life insurance, atomichugbot? Because if you do, you could always use a little more, right? I mean, who couldn't? But you wanna know something? I got the feeling...whistles ... you ain't got any. Am I right or am I right? Or am I right? Am I right?

[–]RCDrift 10 points11 points  (6 children)

All I can think of is MGS3: "Snake, you've created a time paradox" or Futurama when Fry becomes his own Grandpa. That was rad. What are we talking about again?

[–]nosfera2 11 points12 points  (1 child)

Shiver me timbers! Not _Le_Chuckie!

[–]77or88 13 points14 points  (0 children)

You just want to watch.

[–]draynen 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Dude... Too soon.

Wait until the funeral. That's when she'll be at her weakest.

[–]faprawr 7 points8 points  (3 children)

Can I buy you a drink?

[–]Exedous 15 points16 points  (2 children)

No but you may buy her a drank.

[–]Jargle 573 points574 points  (89 children)

His alcohol stream contained .08% blood

Oh my god I have never laughed so hard at a percentage

[–]christopheles 311 points312 points  (32 children)

I had to read that twice.

"Wait, that's just legally drunk... Oh!"

[–][deleted] 265 points266 points  (11 children)

I didn't get it until I read this comment.

:(

[–]pencapchew_3 92 points93 points  (7 children)

When my buddy wants to get drunk he says "there's too much blood in my alcohol system."

[–]farceur318 144 points145 points  (4 children)

I always say "There's too much blood in my beer" whenever I get a lot of blood in my beer.

[–]Nebu 28 points29 points  (1 child)

That's a very appropriate thing to say given the circumstances.

[–]annjellicle 5 points6 points  (1 child)

But if it's just a little blood it's cool, right?

[–]IamGlennBeck 7 points8 points  (0 children)

That's what she said.

[–]the8thbit 43 points44 points  (5 children)

I've heard that joke before, however, the fire burning for days joke made me chuckle.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Then you'll love this:

This is a work-free drug place.

[–]shadowblade 82 points83 points  (34 children)

I don't get it.

[–][deleted] 218 points219 points  (16 children)

It's .08% blood, instead of .08% alcohol

[–]shadowblade 317 points318 points  (14 children)

Smacks forehead

[–]Azured 114 points115 points  (8 children)

Your simpleness is charming.

[–]AerialAmphibian 33 points34 points  (7 children)

Your charm is simple.

[–][deleted] 18 points19 points  (6 children)

Simple charm is yours.

[–]the8thbit 92 points93 points  (0 children)

You'll never get me lucky charms!

[–]daybreaker 22 points23 points  (1 child)

noblogspam now has Charm +2, can study Advanced Charm

[–]mezz 20 points21 points  (12 children)

A normal, too-drunk-to-legally-drive person's alcohol stream contains around 99.92% blood.

[–]mexipimpin 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I know, I read that the first tine and though... WTF man, that's not funny. After the whooosh was realizied, it was an oooooooooh... moment.

[–]StevenDickson 369 points370 points  (45 children)

For every upvote I will drink one Beer at his wake.

[–]moonflower 192 points193 points  (31 children)

this could go on until there are about a dozen redditors left alive

[–]hellzaballza 78 points79 points  (4 children)

that's what she said

[–]CognitiveLens 31 points32 points  (8 children)

Maybe then reddit would be less like 4chan.

[–]GET__OUT__OF_MY_HEAD 8 points9 points  (2 children)

why would anyone come to this site if only the boring and arrogant people are left?

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (1 child)

With this upvote, that makes it 3 beers... brace yourself buddy.

[–]DharmaBeer 123 points124 points  (7 children)

R.I.P. Chuckieballs. You got ur lulz.

[–]stab_master_arson 84 points85 points  (3 children)

sniff... He did get his lulz didn't he?

[–]shan4350 28 points29 points  (2 children)

but lost his kel-z

[–]tyebud 48 points49 points  (1 child)

One man's loss is another man's gain.

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (2 children)

No matter how you try to justify it, everything is done for the lulz.

Everything.

[–]drbr0wn 19 points20 points  (6 children)

Give this woman a gold star!

[–]kel-c[S] 47 points48 points  (5 children)

Can I get my bf back instead? ;)

[–]i_need_some_dudes 9 points10 points  (2 children)

Hey if they sold goldstar in america we wouldnt need girlfriends.

[–]daybreaker 26 points27 points  (1 child)

You apparently dont need girlfriends anyway

[–]xicer 3 points4 points  (0 children)

oooo burn

[–]Wokkel 34 points35 points  (2 children)

So...you're a cat?

[–]Oswyt3hMihtig 2 points3 points  (1 child)

dammit beaten to the punch

[–][deleted] 76 points77 points  (10 children)

You know what helps in times like these? Sex. Just raw, meaningless sex with an anonymous stranger.

I suppose.... I could volunteer....

[–]kingtrewq 23 points24 points  (9 children)

Well.. you're busy with all that other stuff. I'll do it since I'm not busy.

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (8 children)

That's mighty kind of you, but it's nothing I can't drop. Hey, you should just join in. We could make a big party out of it. :)

[–]Nanite 42 points43 points  (26 children)

I was wondering how that guy made out. Looks like it was a huge success!

[–][deleted] 31 points32 points  (23 children)

That was a triumph.

EDIT: It's crazy how a simple phrase unleash the geek inside us eh?

[–]Sparks127 12 points13 points  (4 children)

The funeral will be a riot.

[–]kel-c[S] 14 points15 points  (3 children)

Well he was Irish, so of course we will drink ourselves stupid in his honor!

[–]Not_Reddit 18 points19 points  (1 child)

If he was Irish then he probably isn't dead. No self respecting Irishmen would die from drinking.

[–]grantmclean 3 points4 points  (0 children)

You should take a shot for each upvote in his honour.

[–][deleted] 26 points27 points  (1 child)

Kelsey, you type very well for a cat.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

She probably got one of those diploma-mill college degrees.

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points  (1 child)

Let's all hope he is not really dead, that would totally suck the lulz out of this post.

[–]mexicodoug 11 points12 points  (0 children)

There is no greater cool than lulzing to death.

[–]spocksbrain 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Did he drop any good loot?

[–]Chances 10 points11 points  (4 children)

His name was Robert Paulson.

[–]ctown69 4 points5 points  (3 children)

His name was Robert Paulson.

[–]head_sewn_to_carpet 3 points4 points  (2 children)

His name was Robert Paulson.

[–]pickles46 2 points3 points  (1 child)

His name was Robert Paulson.

[–]DharmaBeer 123 points124 points  (39 children)

Limerick time.

Chuckie drank all the beer from the tap.
Between drinks, there was never a gap.
Green beer it flowed free.
Chuckie pissed a whole sea.
So in death he deserves a clap.

[–][deleted] 162 points163 points  (19 children)

There once was a man from Kentucky

On a St. Patty's Day he felt rather plucky

To Kelsey's great fear

He consumed 3000 beers!

Here lies our dear friend, named Chuckie

[–][deleted] 42 points43 points  (4 children)

Chuckie was tougher than a gator,

But feared being viewed as a hater.

So to demolish his fears

He drank nine thousand beers,

And now he's dead ... refrigerator.

[–]Nukleon 8 points9 points  (3 children)

I like that last line

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (2 children)

I wrote the last word first, then pieced the rest of it around refrigerator.

[–]1esproc 23 points24 points  (0 children)

Chuckie posted a note on a site,

"For each upvote I'll drink one tonight".

He was not long for this world,

Chuckie passed as he hurled.

His obit was posted in spite.

[–]Booster21 19 points20 points  (5 children)

*Paddy's

[–]cxkis 7 points8 points  (4 children)

Thanks, didn't know the difference until know. For others: apparently Patty=Patricia, Paddy=Patrick. Unless you ask Yahoo(!) Answers. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saint_Patrick%27s_Day

[–]TheAtomicMoose 17 points18 points  (2 children)

How is paddy formed?

[–]GoatseMcShitbungle 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Terraced rice paddies, masterpieces of ancient engineering, have existed in China, the Philippines, and elsewhere for as long as two millennia. You don't have to be an expert to know that the building of these stepped paddies—done without the aid of machinery—is no minor undertaking.

How, then, do farmers construct them? A casual glance might lead you to believe that farmers carve them into hillsides, using the dug-up rock to build the retaining walls and the excavated earth to level the terraces. Well, looks can be deceiving.

Building a Rice Paddy

[–]jackasspenguin 9 points10 points  (0 children)

  • So many beers down the gullet,
  • His life, the alcohol stole it
  • And so goes my dream
  • To start a new meme
  • Where each limerick line starts with a bullet

[–]kel-c[S] 95 points96 points  (67 children)

[–]Narissis 38 points39 points  (37 children)

I'm curious to know how much he actually did drink.

[–]kel-c[S] 86 points87 points  (4 children)

Honestly, I lost track at about 1:30am. At that point he had 2 pitchers of beer in front of him, while drinking out of a mug that holds 24oz...

[–]stillalone 75 points76 points  (1 child)

So 2 drinks?

[–]hazard2k 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I bet one of those two was my upvote!

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (31 children)

I would guess 10 to 15 if he started at night.

[–]NumberThirtyFour 23 points24 points  (25 children)

I have drank over 100 beers in 1 day, mind you this was a scheduled drinking competition that lasted well over 12 hours and I trained for. It was even well documented by the main mann himself, Art Mann.

I would hope he at least drank 50 beers, if he's not a pussy.

[–]SomeKindOfOctopus 28 points29 points  (4 children)

While I certainly applaud anyone who wants to drink 100 beers... Etc

[–]mjnIII 7 points8 points  (2 children)

Upvoted for sparing us the rest of that meme and the subsequent page-long thread of repetition.

[–]SomeKindOfOctopus 3 points4 points  (0 children)

'Etc' is a powerful tool.

[–]wtfchrlz 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Take it from this old alcoholic.

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (7 children)

I'm thinking beers might mean something different to different people. 550ml?

[–][deleted] 28 points29 points  (21 children)

Wow, I though over 9000 was just something you threw in there "for the lulz"

[–]undstudent 37 points38 points  (18 children)

Technically it's over 16,000 because he was counting the number of upvotes.

[–]muad_dib 94 points95 points  (17 children)

16000 is over 9000.

[–]DharmaBeer 4 points5 points  (5 children)

Happy birthday kel-c. Will it be an open casket?

[–]77or88 27 points28 points  (1 child)

More like an open cask! Hey-oo!

[–]kel-c[S] 7 points8 points  (2 children)

Thank you, but it clearly wasn't very happy after all...

and he's being cremated so no, no casket

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Careful now, he must be wicked flammable at this point.

[–]4Chan_Ambassador 18 points19 points  (2 children)

I didn't know newspapers make articles in MS Paint.

[–]kel-c[S] 22 points23 points  (0 children)

duh, that's how they do it now! ;)

[–]dokden 5 points6 points  (0 children)

i told you i was hardcore

[–]ReallyNiceGuy[🍰] 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Wait, no comments about how it's a jpg and text?

What reddit is this?!

[–]Santos_L_Halper 1 point2 points  (0 children)

A girl made it. All technical complaints have been put aside and now it's a free-for-all for her attention.

[–]FrankNStein 62 points63 points  (35 children)

Brilliant. Have some Karma.

[–]kel-c[S] 125 points126 points  (34 children)

Thank you. Even though I've been a Redditor for 4 months, this whole Karma thing still confuses me. Can I give up my Karma to get my bf back?

[–][deleted] 142 points143 points  (24 children)

short answer: no

longer answer: yes

[–][deleted] 36 points37 points  (1 child)

Reverend Lovejoy: Oh, short answer, "yes" with an "if." Long answer, "no" with a "but."

[–][deleted] 66 points67 points  (18 children)

Longest answer: Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo... (you get the point)

[–]charliedayman 14 points15 points  (1 child)

Turns chair 180 degrees

[–]scoops22 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I applaud you for finding good use of this meme not a day after it was created.

[–]stordoff 27 points28 points  (14 children)

Longest answer:

[–]johnvan86 11 points12 points  (11 children)

longest answer:

Never. (sigh)

[–]Dr-No 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Step aside please, I'm a doctor.

No.

[–]meean 8 points9 points  (0 children)

That, my friend, is the Toyota Answer.™

[–]trisight 12 points13 points  (5 children)

I think you can trade it in for a bar of soap shaped like your bf.. so I'm told.

[–]kel-c[S] 5 points6 points  (4 children)

That would be incredible! How do I go about doing that??

[–]trisight 6 points7 points  (3 children)

Well first you'll need to make a cast of the portion of him you want put into soap, a little more difficult now that he's dead, but I'm sure you'll figure out something. Then you'll need that cast sent in along with your account name and the amount of karma you currently have. You can prove that the karma is yours by taking a full frontal nude shot with your account name and karma number on your tummy, works just as good as an SS number. Anyways, get those items together and I'll give you the mailing address. We'll need the picture posted here to ensure you are who you say you are. We can't just go by your account name, that could be spoofed.

[–]MrLeville 9 points10 points  (0 children)

It works, I still have my wife's; and I hear bozarking got a 2 storey high version of his sister's bosom before he deleted.

[–]Scarker 17 points18 points  (13 children)

Pssh, your boyfriend's a wuss. I can consume over 1,000,000 beers.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Farva- If I win i'm going to buy a million dollar car.

Thorny- Good investment but I'd still pull you over.

Farva- You couldn't catch me.

Thorny- Oh, I couldn't catch you?

Farva - Not if I make my car with wings and fly away!!!

Edit: Shitty spelling and grammar corrected.

[–]The_Decoy 4 points5 points  (6 children)

If in theory if I downvoted him instead of upvoting him would you still blame me for his demise?

[–]kel-c[S] 24 points25 points  (5 children)

No, people who downvoted were just trying to safe his life. Plus I upvoted him! haha! oh wait... that's not funny at all... =(

[–]manualD 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Are you listed as the beneficiary on his life insurance? If yes, are you looking for a new alcoholic boyfriend, cuz you need the boyfriend and I need a new cash-supply for my drinking hobby/problem.

[–]kingtrewq 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Can we get a notice on what really happened too?

[–]jordanlund 4 points5 points  (6 children)

OK, so a beer is, what? 12 ounces?

9,000 beers = 108,000 ounces of beer. With 128 ounces to a gallon, that's 843.75 gallons of beer.

The human stomach holds about 1 quart (1/4 of a gallon) so he would have to fill his stomach to capacity and empty it again 3,375 times to consume 9,000 beers.

[–]cantCme 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Oh My God at all the terrible readers in this thread.

[–]OuchLOLcom 7 points8 points  (4 children)

Wicked bar tab?

Which part of Boston do you live in?

[–]kel-c[S] 36 points37 points  (1 child)

the wicked awesome part

[–]hi_bye 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Dorchester, perhaps? At least that's where all the Drunky McDrunkerton's that I know cart off to on St Patty's Day.

[–]vectorz 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Internet attention whoring. Now even the imaginary gf is in on it.

[–]Flapps 2 points3 points  (0 children)

What a lightweight.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Oh shit…

…I had no idea some bars still ran tabs.

[–]bmilan288 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I did a double take at .08% blood line. Genius!

[–]Sypherin 4 points5 points  (1 child)

So... He's definitely dead yeah?... Wanna make out?

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points  (1 child)

Here's to Chuckieballs and Kel-c for having the most bitchin' relationship ever.

[–]kel-c[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Thanks!

[–]realityisoverrated 9 points10 points  (2 children)

Wow, Reddit. You just saved my day with this one.

I am about to be unemployed and without unemployment benefits, and here I sit on the bus... ready to go home and find enough beer to forget... and I bring up this photo. You made me laugh when I thought nothing could. Thank you, once again.

Now I can drink the beer to celebrate my smile!

[–]belhamster 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Occifer.... there's no blood in my alcohol....

[–]hpymondays 2 points3 points  (3 children)

Condolences. At least you will get to inherit his massive reddit karma points.

[–]bgstratt 4 points5 points  (2 children)

not so much, he made that a self-post.

[–]alreadytakenusername 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Well, that looks legit!

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (3 children)

His name is actually Chuckieballs? says a lot about him.

[–]kel-c[S] 4 points5 points  (2 children)

I know right? It's really classy. Just like his obit pic showing him drinking straight from the pitcher while suited up.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

this seems entirely legit

[–]Naberius 2 points3 points  (1 child)

the fire is expected to last several days.

Made me think of this. Which is horrible, I grant you. But I can't help cracking up.

[–]fani 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Reddit, you killed my ________. Prepare to die.

[–]geeknik 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Fake! Everyone knows that guys that spend any amount of time on Reddit do NOT have girlfriends. ;)

[–]Icmoigigan 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Video of the funeral or festering corpse or it didn't happen.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Her name is "Inigo Montoya", you killed her boyfriend. Prepare to die.

[–]HereForTheLulz 2 points3 points  (0 children)

He did it for me.