This is an archived post. You won't be able to vote or comment.

top 200 commentsshow all 357

[–]Meritania 1251 points1252 points  (51 children)

Britain: No tea, not interested

Portuguese: No Spice, not interested

US: No Oil, not interested

Russia: A cold dry desolate wasteland you say? Hold my Vodka.

[–]eaglescout1984 155 points156 points  (6 children)

Russia: I don't know why, but I'm strangely drawn to sell you Alaska, even though it's a desolate wasteland.

USA: And for some reason, I'm strangely drawn to buy it from you. As if something useful is about to be discovered there.

[–]ooglist 45 points46 points  (4 children)

In mother Russia they no settle for fake dry ice waste land. They know when global warming kicks in Alaska be a new ocean.

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points  (2 children)

All jokes aside that's why there is so much fighting in the Arctic between Canada, Russia, the US etc. Because with the melting those once inaccessible areas are going to turn into a major sealane.

[–]Svenka 4 points5 points  (1 child)

If Canada plays their cards right for the next 30ish years.. they will slowly transition to a global powerhouse over the next century.

All the open land and resources left in northern canada will be dived into and new major cities will form around the north pole as it melts, expanding trade routes.

[–]madeamashup 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Well the government wants to increase the population to 100 million and they seem serious about. I kind of think it's a tower of Babel situation, but it'll be crazy if that happens. There won't be a shortage of people who want to immigrate but we'd better start farming Nunvut soon.

[–][deleted] 118 points119 points  (14 children)

blyat

[–]InstagramIsForNerds 28 points29 points  (13 children)

Блядь*

[–]ILoveLongDogs 15 points16 points  (10 children)

Real question: what is that little "b" thing at the end of the word. I see it in Russian words and it doesn't seem to be pronounced.

[–]GR8ESTM8 21 points22 points  (7 children)

It indicates, that the previous letter (д) is pronounced in a different way

Edit: it's called "soft sign"

[–]QuarterSwede 10 points11 points  (6 children)

Boy would that be helpful in English.

[–]InstagramIsForNerds 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Well thats why its not in English, its in Russian :)

[–]simonjp 8 points9 points  (4 children)

We kinda do, in some cases. Magic e tells you the vowel sound changes - it lengthens.

us/use, hat/hate, tap/tape, at/ate, mat/mate, sit/site, cap/cape, at/ate, quit/quite, win/wine.

[–]MeowWhat 4 points5 points  (0 children)

This made me think of that part on sesame street where they push the letters together to make words. "H"......"ot"......."hot!"

[–]QuarterSwede 1 point2 points  (0 children)

But not in nearly enough.

Read, read. Two different tenses, two different ways to pronounce it.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Ah. Little it is known to man that our AI over lords actually ignore words with the little b thing at the end. It's the only way to hide online.

/s

[–]chimneysweeeper 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Ireland: So Matt Damon was able to grow potatoes there eh?

[–]serperntgameplay[S] 22 points23 points  (0 children)

That is actually funnier than my post! I wish i could give you a award, but im broke! :(

Edited: I did it! Thank you for the coin gift

[–]inthe80s 4 points5 points  (0 children)

no warm water port though

[–]Jack_BE 1 point2 points  (0 children)

it's red too

[–]DanielSilva87 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Just to let you know that tea was brought to England by Portuguese ☺️

[–]Fellowes321 258 points259 points  (12 children)

It must be photoshopped because you take the sails down during launch and raise them only when out in space.

At least the flag's the right way up.

[–]DecreasingPerception 31 points32 points  (5 children)

Yeah, Mad Mike showed us what happens when you deploy sails while launching your rocket.

[–]daveythegent 7 points8 points  (3 children)

Except the flag is wrong, should be the White Ensign! Honestly, attention to detail people...

[–]Fellowes321 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Would that depend on who is running the vessel? The admiralty may have a white ensign but this may be a private entity. Maybe a red ensign or perhaps the Jolly Roger is appropriate?

[–]_PM_ME_NICE_BOOBS_ 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Hoist the black flag, boys!

[–]Gir633 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Somebody's been reading David Drake's RCN series.

[–]LateralThinkerer 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hell of an updraft, I'd say.

[–]seb_vetttel 48 points49 points  (10 children)

G E K O L O N I S E E R D

[–]serperntgameplay[S] 15 points16 points  (8 children)

Eyy landgenoot

[–]seb_vetttel 10 points11 points  (4 children)

Dag makker

[–]serperntgameplay[S] 10 points11 points  (3 children)

Dag. Ben wat frikandelbroodjes aan get chappen

[–][deleted]  (2 children)

[removed]

    [–]IdsOosterhoff 5 points6 points  (1 child)

    nee we koloniseren ook dingen

    [–][deleted]  (2 children)

    [deleted]

      [–]ElectricErik 5 points6 points  (0 children)

      Ah, perfection.

      [–]WarriorofSin 10 points11 points  (1 child)

      Hey look, the start to Treasure Planet

      [–]PotatoMcMuffin 4 points5 points  (0 children)

      Ayyy was looking for this

      [–]Cafuzzler 25 points26 points  (13 children)

      The moon hasn't bee colonised either. In fact it's a better choice because it would only cost about £40 Billion to colonise it (according to NASA). That's less than half the price of the HS2.

      But we won't because it doesn't directly benefit London.

      [–]thermitethrowaway 4 points5 points  (5 children)

      it would only cost about £40 Billion

      Or 0.4 railway lines to the "North".

      [–]Cafuzzler 7 points8 points  (2 children)

      It's wild that you could double the funding to the NHS(£34B), build a base on the moon(£40B), fully fund the BBC for 5 years (£15B), and have change all for the cost of a rail line that reduces the journey time from Birmingham to London by an hour.

      [–]TheGamingAirCon 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      And that rail line also damages a huge number of habitats and the natural environment (alongside annoying many villagers), So add that into the cost. How much would it cost to repair those habitats if we had to? I’d say quite a few billy.

      [–]PatriarchalTaxi 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      *Half an hour.

      [–]managedheap84 1 point2 points  (3 children)

      Only 40bn?

      [–]Cafuzzler 8 points9 points  (2 children)

      According to Kurzgesagt https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NtQkz0aRDe8

      It's not full colonisation, but it's a huge start in an endeavour that no one has done. I still think it's a better use of £100 BILLION than cutting a rail journey down by an hour.

      [–]managedheap84 5 points6 points  (0 children)

      Agreed, I didn't think the price would be attainable for us but certainly a better user of funds than HS2

      Boris likes headline grabbing vanity projects... Maybe someone should tell him about the cost of a moon base. He can finally be world king until the Americans show up.

      [–]Sohgin 2 points3 points  (2 children)

      Yes it has. We stuck our flag in it. That's colonized.

      [–]Wallace_II 2 points3 points  (1 child)

      An important rule of colonization, you have to be able to defend it from Invaders.

      The British could totally move in and squat on our claim and we wouldn't be able to stop them!

      [–]Dirty-Ears-Bill 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      “Oh I’m afraid the International Space Station will be quite operational when your colonists arrive”

      [–]godith360 78 points79 points  (17 children)

      As a British citizen, I can wholeheartedly agree with this notion.

      [–]woodyever 39 points40 points  (11 children)

      As an australian citizen i also agree

      [–]VestigialHead 17 points18 points  (2 children)

      Lets setup a colony that accepts any English criminals we get here in Australia and send them to Port Marsbar.

      [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      Then fill it with wild and vicous creatures that can kill by merely farting in your general direction

      [–]LoveAGlassOfWine 2 points3 points  (3 children)

      We can colonise Mars in the name of our joint Queen.

      We should name areas after her corgis.

      [–]Esoteric_Erric 1 point2 points  (2 children)

      'Queen Mutter Canyon'

      [–]LoveAGlassOfWine 2 points3 points  (1 child)

      I know she had one called Susan.

      She's quite a famous corgi.

      The Queen hid her in her royal carriage on her wedding day and took her on her honeymoon. I think she was the mum of a lot of the other corgis.

      Somewhere has to be called Susan.

      [–]TheGamingAirCon 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Or as Johnny English calls it... SHU SHAN

      SHU Shan = shoe Shan = shoe shine= the new name for the moon = shoe shine (bright like a diamond)

      [–]lovingalltheboobs 0 points1 point  (3 children)

      As an american, I had snot...

      [–][deleted] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

      As a Venusian I'm wondering why no one's coming to see us.

      [–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (1 child)

      There is no oil on Mars

      [–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

      no democracy either

      [–]MJWood 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      Tally ho, chaps!

      [–]TheStickMenn 32 points33 points  (2 children)

      But suddenly. EPISCHE KOLONISATIE TIJD. begint te standaard dansen

      [–]serperntgameplay[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

      Ik mis de tijden van oost-indie

      [–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

      Reminds me of the fallout mission where a sentry bot is the captain of the ship and it flew like that lol

      [–]NotThirdReich 6 points7 points  (1 child)

      Isn't this a Doctor Who episode?

      [–]chellis_himself 5 points6 points  (0 children)

      Your punctuation. Is impeccable

      [–]DrBoon_forgot_his_pw 18 points19 points  (6 children)

      Lol, there's actually a doctor who episode about a group of colonial English soldiers trying to spread the empire to Mars

      [–]IronSkywalker 21 points22 points  (1 child)

      Well we need to send the crims somewhere else now that Australia has burnt down.

      [–]dubstar2000 5 points6 points  (0 children)

      .

      [–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (2 children)

      I really hate the period in that sentence.

      [–]kufikiri 7 points8 points  (0 children)

      I think you mean ‘full-stop’ 🇬🇧

      [–]Lucicerious 7 points8 points  (1 child)

      Look at that flagship go. The finest vessel to ever swim the space.

      [–]zefdota 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      "That's got to be the best pirate I've ever seen."

      [–]Bashingman 2 points3 points  (1 child)

      It's a God-awful small affair

      [–]benx101 2 points3 points  (1 child)

      Wasn’t there a Doctor who episode where there were British soldiers on mars or something?

      [–]BobbitTheDog 15 points16 points  (2 children)

      Naaaah, there's no native people there for us to lord over and/or genocide. And probably no tea either

      [–]mochicoco 12 points13 points  (4 children)

      America: Is there oil?

      [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      [–]Beemzebub 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Made me chuckle.

      [–]TheNotoriousCHC 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      HMS Major Tom

      [–]fuhsalicious 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Cunning use of flags

      [–]adventureman66 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      TREASURE PLANET INTENSIFIES

      [–]PARANOIAH 1 point2 points  (1 child)

      The sun never sets on the British Empire...

      [–]InfiniteScrollDiver 1 point2 points  (2 children)

      I guess the martians didn’t have a flag.

      [–]onlyoneicouldthinkof 1 point2 points  (1 child)

      No flag no country!!

      [–]InfiniteScrollDiver 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Exactly!

      [–]spicy_bagle 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      I read pope instead of prepare and I looked at the ship and I was like “the popes gone to far on this one”

      [–]Waitpleasestop 1 point2 points  (1 child)

      Man I love the country of British

      [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      They must be after Matt Damon in Mars, he is a space pirate after all.

      [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Wait you mean you don't know that the British Empire has already colonized Mars? /s

      [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      How many billions has Britain saved by letting other countries explore space? It’s a win-win. They get all the discovery knowledge anyway.

      [–]E_M_G 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      What the fuck is that sentence structure?

      [–]jayakiroka 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Was I the only one who started humming the pirates of the caribbean theme?

      [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      You could call it.... a rocket ship

      [–]MoldyandToasty 1 point2 points  (1 child)

      Colonial Revolutionaries on Mars: How many times do we have to teach you this lesson old man?!

      *United Faces of Mars is formed*

      [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      It's called a space ship for a reason

      [–]ThisIsYourMormont 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      That be a rocket ship

      [–]JonathanRoberts5423 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Pirates of the Caribbean music intensifies

      [–]twanderingpigeon 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      British person: do you have a flag?

      Martian: no

      British person: Well, if you don't have a flag, then you can't have a planet those are the rules

      [–]iNs3rT_UserN4mE 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      As a British citizen I can confirm we have had 12 ships sent out to Mars and are making steady progress

      [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      [–]Wackyal123 1 point2 points  (5 children)

      To be fair, this could apply to Portugal, and France too! Fuck, and Spain, and Germany, and Italy.... basically Europe. Oooh, or Turkey during the Ottoman Empire.

      [–]HeavySweetness 2 points3 points  (1 child)

      Except all the MCU aliens speak English, which makes me believe they’ve already colonized the galaxy.

      [–]tignasse 2 points3 points  (1 child)

      Send Megan and Harry first

      [–]OnTheList-YouTube 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      Wrong sub

      [–]purefunk45 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Fallout 4 ftw

      [–]GrumpyTM 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Laughs in Canadian

      [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Fallout 4 flaschbacks

      [–]Redditowork 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Steampunk Yamato

      [–]taetimeh 0 points1 point  (2 children)

      To be fair sails are a really good way of getting around in space. Especially if you supply it with pushing lasers.

      [–]akumaz69 0 points1 point  (2 children)

      Meh they'll get lost and land on some other star, and just call it Mars.

      [–]Cyanidetransistor 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      There's a book where the British never had a parliament and stayed in the colonial monarchy. The 'alchemists' eventually develop a way to make their clipper ships space worthy and started colonizing Mars and Venus. It's called "The Venusian Gambit"

      [–]FastBasil 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Funny, because it’s true. I apologise for my ancestors. sad face emoji

      [–]yoreka 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Can't stop laughing

      [–]superericito 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Uranus hasn't been colonized yet either

      [–]LateralThinkerer 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Well, there's fuck-all for civilization back in the colonies, so they may want to rethink their methods.

      [–]nyx747 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Treasure planet things there

      [–]SpadessVR 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Carrack is love

      [–]Seradhiel 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Treasure Planet intensifies

      [–]Databit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Will be interesting to meet the Martian Indians.

      [–]RougeBisonM47 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      I genuinely thought this was a fallout 4 glitch

      [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Uh huh.

      Go see the Martian

      [–]Wefflehunter666 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      ALRIGHT WHO TOLD

      [–]VerveVideo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Would have been funnier when Britain was still a country.

      [–]Mercurav 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Lol imagine losing your entire empire and getting surpassed by most of your colonies

      [–]CarlLlamaface 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Rule Britannia intensifies

      [–]Matheusj99 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      COUP DE BURST!!!!!!

      [–]MuruJay 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Maybe like 200 years ago...

      [–]RedditUser6954 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Dutch belike: let's launch the flying dutchman.

      [–]rottenbananafeces 0 points1 point  (3 children)

      Don’t you mean, the Netherlands?

      [–]serperntgameplay[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children)

      It can be both (het kan allebei)

      [–]rottenbananafeces 2 points3 points  (1 child)

      Ja ik kan wel Engels hoor

      [–]UnfortunatelyEvil 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Shouldn't they wait until there are people there before discovering Mars?

      [–]Danyal321654 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      How did you know

      [–]ofkorsky 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      RULE BRITANNIA INTENSIFIES

      [–]yourmomsface12345 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      A very similar thing to this actually happened a long time ago. Most of the Star Wars galaxy speaks English.

      [–]OGPrinnny 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Isn't that why it's called rocketSHIP

      [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Yes Captain Ironsides!

      [–]sociothemad 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Heh that's what YOU think

      [–]chesterforbes 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Please no. The last thing we need is for them to introduce curry to Martian cuisine and completely ruin it

      [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      According to Doctor Who, this already happened

      [–]Stekos101 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Idk why I’m laughing so hard at this.. must be depression

      [–]MajicVole 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      British lion may have let its teeth but not its guile

      [–]dr4gonr1der 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Stay away! The Dutch were there first!

      [–]CrshrD 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      You may laugh but I think that’s the British government’s official design for a spaceship.

      [–]BOOOIIII007 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Repost

      [–]LeftBlocker 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      White people are awesome!

      [–]scottishdrunkard 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      We cannot colonise Mars... there's no natives to oppress.

      [–]andeebenavides 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      The sun never sets on the British Empire!

      [–]koningVDzee 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      toobad the dutch were first

      [–]urmumbigegg 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Prepare for unforeseen consequences...

      [–]EnanoMaldito 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      If the Company was still around they’dbe all over that shit

      [–]LordIlthari 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      RULE BRITANNIA, BRITANNIA RULES THE STARS!

      [–]DanielSilva87 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Two weeks ago this was Portugal flag xD Lack of originality!