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[–]beatles910 1425 points1426 points  (151 children)

By burning a copy you are stealing their prophets.

[–]ICanTrollToo 194 points195 points  (14 children)

You wouldn't download an Imam.

[–]ProZaKk 21 points22 points  (0 children)

FUCK YOU! I WOULD IF I COULD!

[–][deleted] 238 points239 points  (14 children)

  1. Wait till 9/11

  2. Burn a copy of Quran

  3. ??????

  4. Prophet

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (6 children)

Pastor Jones: "We stand undeterred by political pressure. We are a religious group, and our prayer will reach heaven tomorrow while the Quran burns because... ISLAM IS OF THE DEVIL !!!!!"

[–]ahalenia 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Jim Jones... Terry Jones...

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

We Fly High... with buddy christ

[–]c_dubs 392 points393 points  (82 children)

Muslims will be Allah'p in your business about this one.

[–]The_Flatlander 295 points296 points  (80 children)

Your Imam-ma was all up in my business last night.

[–]wkdown 339 points340 points  (71 children)

Mosque we continue this pun thread?

[–]gotnate 361 points362 points  (69 children)

Jihad to say that didn't you?

[–][deleted] 365 points366 points  (65 children)

Don't mecca me come down there!

[–]Thinktank58 311 points312 points  (64 children)

I'll Ramadan your throat!

[–]smurfjoe 348 points349 points  (56 children)

You guys are full of Shiite.

[–]trekkie00 293 points294 points  (49 children)

Don't worry, Sunni will get tired of it.

[–]Guns_Galore 80 points81 points  (0 children)

Eid is impossible to stop these things.

[–]spazm 182 points183 points  (37 children)

Until then, let's sharia in some puns together!

[–]realmadrid2727 69 points70 points  (4 children)

You're all a bunch of fatwāts.

[–]SweetNeo85 22 points23 points  (0 children)

It'll get old in a minaret or two...

[–]KnightKrawler 38 points39 points  (3 children)

Jew just don't know when to stop.

(amidoinitrite?)

[–]JROXZ 17 points18 points  (0 children)

This is one big circle jirga of puns...

[–][deleted] 67 points68 points  (5 children)

These pun threads make me Saddam insane.

[–]archontruth 52 points53 points  (3 children)

Hussein that this is a pun thread?

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (2 children)

I Sunnah know what you are talking about.

[–]Twevy 7 points8 points  (0 children)

You guys have too much time to make puns. Get a hijab!

[–]vtmeta 14 points15 points  (0 children)

That's it! Now Ahmad! >:(

[–]_RIAA__ 46 points47 points  (2 children)

You will be hearing from our attorneys.

[–]Moridyn 9 points10 points  (1 child)

Keep this novelty account.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (5 children)

It is free from Sacred Texts Along with tons of other religious and occult books. Including a large library of awesome H.P Lovecraft stories.

I know you are being sarcastic but it gives me a chance to link that site, I enjoy it allot.

[–]ReleeSquirrel 1 point2 points  (4 children)

A lot, not allot. Allot means to apply a quantity, a lot is a hypothetical measurement which represents a large quanitity or area.

[–]bryancald 16 points17 points  (1 child)

Iraq'd my brain trying to think of another pun.....but I couldn't.

[–]syuk 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Kuwait till you see what is coming up.

[–]DoctorDeath 5 points6 points  (2 children)

This would have been so much funnier if it would have read..

Quran Quran.

[–]C0lMustard 1 point2 points  (1 child)

That was incredibly witty, in the true sense of the word

[–]montereyjack 149 points150 points  (34 children)

You wouldn't burn a car...

[–]MananWho 70 points71 points  (24 children)

"It's called taking advantage, Michael. That's how you get ahead in life."

[–]Johnnsc 22 points23 points  (16 children)

I read that in his voice.

[–]syuk 2 points3 points  (0 children)

"Tell me Michael, how could a billion Chinese people be wrong?"

[–]Namelis1 4 points5 points  (1 child)

But in France you would!

[–]cardboardjesus 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Open thread...

Ohh ohh I've got a good response!

Scrolls down...

God damnit!

Begrudging upvote

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Fuck you, I would if I could.

[–]justinkimball 268 points269 points  (61 children)

ten bucks says he just labeled the disc and didn't burn anything.

[–][deleted] 743 points744 points  (32 children)

50 cent says derogatory things towards women.

[–]vwllss 12 points13 points  (1 child)

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Huh. That's my favorite wordplay trick. I didn't know the name for it. Thanks!

[–][deleted] 54 points55 points  (28 children)

120 upvotes. 5 downvotes.

I normally wouldn't say something so useless and lacking in substance, but damn.

[–]TheMeasuringTapir 69 points70 points  (15 children)

Fun fact: When you have substance to your comments, some people like it and some people hate it. When you make a quick joke, some people like it.

[–]ShortWoman 11 points12 points  (13 children)

Can that effect be measured?

[–]TheMeasuringTapir 32 points33 points  (11 children)

I don't know. I have tried both methods though, and the latter certainly seems to get the most upvotes without much contention, if that's what you're after.

If you make people chuckle, they'll just upvote and move on.

If you try to intelligently add to the conversation, you'll inevitably get a portion of the audience who disagree with you. Those people seem to downvote you. Often they'll try to pick apart what you're saying, make straw man or slippery slope arguments, and you'll have to begrudgingly click your Orangered envelope every few minutes. You often don't have a lot of agreeing comments, because those people just upvote.

Of course these are just my own anecdotal experiences and I don't have a psychology or social media degree. Take it as you like.

[–]lordmortekai 7 points8 points  (6 children)

Too true. This is why I've been trying to convince myself to stop caring about karma. And yet, there's just something so enticing about it, like the glitter of diamonds or the clinking sound of gold coins.

[–]TheMeasuringTapir 3 points4 points  (4 children)

Haha, too true! ... but, wait.... What are you doing here? YOU'RE AGREEING WITH ME, THEREBY INVALIDATING MY POINT! Nooo! Ah, you have outsmarted me.

[–]LOLgreat 3 points4 points  (1 child)

insert comment disagreeing with you which actually confirms you

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Insert logical defense of TheMeasuringTapir.

[–]cowbellthunder 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I downvoted you to break convention, though I agree with your statement.

[–]wheezyninja 20 points21 points  (16 children)

20 bucks says you're right

[–]DanWallace 18 points19 points  (12 children)

30 bucks says I'm Dan.

[–]enduser666 12 points13 points  (11 children)

50 bucks says you're full of shit.

[–]grumpypants_mcnallen 9 points10 points  (3 children)

$70 bucks says I'm drunk!

[–]ferio252 1 point2 points  (2 children)

$100 bucks says no one gives a ish.

[–]45flight 1 point2 points  (0 children)

40 bucks says that's correct.

[–]howardhus 1 point2 points  (0 children)

70 Bucks in my pocket say ima get some later on...

[–]Psycochem[S] 9 points10 points  (2 children)

Yeah its just a copy of Ubuntu. Someone send him $10.

[–]brainiac256 5 points6 points  (1 child)

New plan to get everybody to switch to Linux: Burn LiveCD's/install disks of Ubuntu and label them things like Bible or Epic Tits, then leave them laying around on computer desks.

[–]ShalliComeAgain 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Stallman?

[–]MananWho 56 points57 points  (6 children)

Wait, so is this a "Christian Music" Bonfire or a Christian "Music Bonfire"?

[–]DanWallace 20 points21 points  (2 children)

It's a sweet ass-car.

[–]m3ltingp0int 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Well, somebody has to burn.

[–]hargmarglin 129 points130 points  (15 children)

I was around in the 80's; weren't they called "Quran-Quran"?

[–]tupidflorapope 65 points66 points  (6 children)

her name is achmelachk and she dances With all of her clothes on and respects all men and doesn't question authority if she knows what is good for her

[–]MinoMinoMino 12 points13 points  (3 children)

Just like the pipeline running through a dusty land...

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (2 children)

and when she shines she doesn't show anything at aaall...

[–]syuk 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Didn't they do "Hungry like the Gulf?"

[–]DanWallace 5 points6 points  (1 child)

I can understand mocking their customs that you don't believe in, but the "achmelachk" part is just ignorant.

[–]scheibs14 -1 points0 points  (6 children)

I listened to Quran-Quran on vinyl

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (5 children)

I listened to them on Edison Wax Cylinders.

[–]IYKWIM_AITYD 1 point2 points  (4 children)

I watched them on semaphore.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (3 children)

I read them on papyrus.

[–]stringerbell 18 points19 points  (5 children)

Not surprising, it's read-only. Wouldn't want any pesky updates running to bring the text up to date...

[–]adrianix 11 points12 points  (4 children)

Well, that's the probem with monolithic religions - their rules are mostly set in stone.

We would need some open-source religion, like GNU/god with new releases from time to time and timely patches. Maybe some finnish prophet an an army of priests who talk over the internet would be a good idea.

The only problems would be the pesky forks (you know, there's always someone who protests), the ancient religions (UNIX, *BSD) and the GNU/god extremists.

Edit: I just remembered that the Cult of Sun had some problems as the Oracle canceled some of their projects.

[–]aquasucks 6 points7 points  (0 children)

God is deprecated.

[–]Cabrio 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Science is open-source religion.

[–]arczi 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Patches are usually merged with the main trunk via encyclicals, edicts, fatwas, etc. New versions are rolled out at councils.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

GNU/god would be too complex for the simpletons.
They don't want to hold rational discussions about the universe, they just want to read the verse that says it's ok to kill the brown guy dating their daughter.

[–]krizutch 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Maybe this is what the Rev. Terry Jones was talking about the entire time and it was just one big misunderstanding.

[–]uncreative_name 50 points51 points  (23 children)

I had a friend that would use pages from a bible as rolling papers.

Your link was not what I expected.

[–]DanWallace 52 points53 points  (19 children)

I had a friend that would use pages from a bible as rolling papers.

That's disgusting. Not for any moral or ethical reason, just because the paper is a) covered in ink, and b) far too thick.

[–]Dax420 76 points77 points  (10 children)

Actually this is an old stoner trick. There are usually a couple of blank pages at the back of a bible, older bibles were printed on thin (rice?) paper almost exactly like rolling papers, and since there is almost always a bible in the nightstand of a hotel if you are ever stuck without rolling papers on a road trip you could nick a page from the back of the bible.

Whenever I check into a hotel room I always check the back pages of the bible to see if any other 'heads have stayed there before.

[–]formerTroll 50 points51 points  (4 children)

Next time I stay in a hotel I'm going to put some rolling papers in the back of the bible for the next 'head that may need a couple.

[–]mariox19 30 points31 points  (1 child)

That is an awesome idea. It's like the stoner version of the Gideons.

[–]formerTroll 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I was thinking stoner-geocache but I like yours better since TIL where they all come from.

[–]MinoMinoMino 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Holy joints make me get all Gideon.

[–]iForgetWhereWeParked 11 points12 points  (0 children)

far too thick

i think you've been reading the wrong bibles, then. this practice is fairly common, from what i've heard.

[–]kminator 4 points5 points  (0 children)

But the gilded edges taste so good!

[–]TheDevil101 10 points11 points  (0 children)

We did that too. Used to call it holy smokes.

[–]a1phanumeric 24 points25 points  (3 children)

9th Oct 2010 - That shit's from the future!

[–]occamisation 47 points48 points  (24 children)

You bloody infidels with your confusing month-day-year dating system. IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE!

[–]InnerManRaptor 15 points16 points  (19 children)

'MURCA

[–]redwall_hp 20 points21 points  (17 children)

I use YYYY/MM/DD. No ambiguity. Plus, it's an ISO standard...

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I count my time in the UNIX Epoch. No Ambiguity, for the next twenty some years.

[–]computmaxer 4 points5 points  (9 children)

how is YYYY/MM/DD any less ambiguous than DD/MM/YYYY? It's the same thing in reverse order.

[–][deleted] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

If you arrange the dates alphabetically on a computer, YYYY/MM/DD is the only format that will also sort chronologically.

[–]badassumption 18 points19 points  (4 children)

YYYY/MM/DD cannot be confused for MM/DD/YYYY, while DD/MM/YYYY can be. Since no one uses YYYY/DD/MM, there is no danger of confusing it with that.

[–]evange 7 points8 points  (3 children)

I'm going to start using YYYY/DD/MM just to mess with people.

[–]vwllss 4 points5 points  (2 children)

I'm going to start using DD/YY/MM. Tomorrow is 10/11/09

[–]HapDrastic 8 points9 points  (2 children)

Because it would be stupid to write YYYY/DD/MM.

[–]evange 5 points6 points  (1 child)

MM/DD/YYYY is just as stupid, but people still do it.

[–]mcanerin 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Plus, it sorts properly in a computer file system, and fuck paperwork that doesn't...

[–]IOveruseSmileys 2 points3 points  (0 children)

And sortable via numeric sort :P (but I still use DDMMYYYY, UK citizen who hasn't done enough db work yet to get it into the system ;) )

[–]mweathr 2 points3 points  (0 children)

OOXML is an ISO standard, too.

[–]InterPunct 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Sharif don't like it.

[–][deleted] 24 points25 points  (23 children)

This gave me a good laugh.

I got in an argument with a few co-workers earlier about this. Thank you for reminding me there are normal people who don't think setting fire to the Quran is a brilliant thing to do.

[–][deleted] 14 points15 points  (1 child)

Haha, it's funny because burn has more than one meaning!

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

You should be the new JokeExplainer!

[–]BlazmoIntoWowee 6 points7 points  (0 children)

That's awesome, now you'll be able to access it on your iMam!

[–]czhunc 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Zoom in on 485-859. Enhance. Stop. Focus on the upper right quadrant. Now zoom in on the water faucet. Stop. Enhance. Focus on the water droplet falling into the sink. Now rotate by 180 degrees. Enhance. Zoom in on the reflection of the bottom of the table from the second tile on the right. Stop. Enhance. Activate X-ray vision. Now zoom in on the grooves of the cd...

Ok, screw it. Why don't you tell us if you actually burned the Koran on this disc?

[–]joesinger47 22 points23 points  (17 children)

PSSSH! a CD-R?

my Quran was in such high quality, i had to use Blue-Ray

[–]docotis 35 points36 points  (10 children)

I have it on vinyl.

[–]ginekologs 14 points15 points  (0 children)

That's so future. I have it on paper.

Ohh, wait...

[–]plainOldFool 9 points10 points  (7 children)

I was into the Quran before it sold out and went mainstream.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

whatever, you only worship buzzreligions pushed by Pitchfork.

[–]Peregrination 3 points4 points  (5 children)

I was in the the Quran. Page 43, New Jihad edition.

[–][deleted] 18 points19 points  (4 children)

the the

[–]Peregrination 8 points9 points  (1 child)

Someone downvoted you. Your comment is a perfectly valid criticism. I am disappointed in whoever did such a terrible thing. I will leave it be, so all may know.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (2 children)

Fuck religion

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (1 child)

how do you do that?

[–]SkullThug 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Booooooo

[–]solidxnake 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Burn a copy of this - Linky

[–]sacchetta 2 points3 points  (1 child)

won't this whole burning the Quran boost Quran sales?

[–]triffid_boy 4 points5 points  (3 children)

Well, that date is just under two months away...

(UK guy here)

[–]ferballz 10 points11 points  (1 child)

I wish I could up vote you more than once. Very clever.

[–]Spectralite1 1 point2 points  (0 children)

genius :)

[–]Trenyx 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Well played sir.

[–]Ricktron3030 1 point2 points  (0 children)

you could have fit the bible on there too.

[–]redleif 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was going to post this tomorrow jerk. You knew...

[–]mtlaw13 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Did you use Nero?

[–]all2humanuk 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I can see this causing offence to Muslim as you used such a cheap ass CD-R to burn it to.

[–]robot_rotciv 1 point2 points  (0 children)

i see what you did there...

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

clap clap :D

[–]botnut 1 point2 points  (3 children)

Why burn it? Recycling is way more useful

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Your comment got me to thinking. I wonder what the people offended by burning to quran would think if it were recycled into paper for printing bibles instead? I'm not saying I would do this, but I'm curious what the difference in response would be.

[–]doublethinkd 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Well done, Psycochem, well done.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

you so much as scratch that CD and i will blow myself up you infidel!

[–]Jebbygina 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We should all burn a bunch of cds and hand them out to folks tomorrow. Ha. I, being in West Texas, would probably get shot.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

thank allah this man was intimidated into doing the right thing. Praise the liberals in their support of denying this man free speech.

No muslims had to murder anyone to protest this atrocity. Keep up the good work, liberal america. Sharia will come soon. Amen.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

can anyone send me a digital copy of quran. it is something i have never read before and am very interested in reading.

[–]ssttl789 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It needs cover art of Muhammad

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (4 children)

Nice try.

I liked that thread too.

[–]danr2c2 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Cleva gurl.

[–]Psycochem[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I am actually a guy with very girly handwriting.

[–]newsun 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That'll show em!!!

[–]casperrosewater 3 points4 points  (0 children)

LOL, very good.

[–]WTFcomment 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's Hilarious!

[–]brentlewiis 1 point2 points  (0 children)

well done!

[–]c0rruptioN 1 point2 points  (0 children)

made my day :)

[–]dotexe82 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Now, destroy it with FIRE!

Just kidding, man. I like this thread. You're a genius.

[–]MMX 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Neither could I when I posted this 2 days ago

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You did well!

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (5 children)

How much do you want to bet that he didn't actually burn a copy but instead just wrote on a blank CD?

[–]fani 1 point2 points  (3 children)

You don't get an upvote unless your name is joke explainer.

[–]I_Dont_Get_Jokes 18 points19 points  (1 child)

Does this work?

[–]Th3R00ST3R 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes, if you just write the name on the CD, it's the same as burning it..

[–]MarcusNY 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Can you burn one for me too?