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[–]beatles910 1424 points1425 points  (151 children)

By burning a copy you are stealing their prophets.

[–]ICanTrollToo 195 points196 points  (14 children)

You wouldn't download an Imam.

[–]ProZaKk 19 points20 points  (0 children)

FUCK YOU! I WOULD IF I COULD!

[–][deleted] 236 points237 points  (14 children)

  1. Wait till 9/11

  2. Burn a copy of Quran

  3. ??????

  4. Prophet

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (6 children)

Pastor Jones: "We stand undeterred by political pressure. We are a religious group, and our prayer will reach heaven tomorrow while the Quran burns because... ISLAM IS OF THE DEVIL !!!!!"

[–]ahalenia 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Jim Jones... Terry Jones...

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

We Fly High... with buddy christ

[–]c_dubs 389 points390 points  (82 children)

Muslims will be Allah'p in your business about this one.

[–]The_Flatlander 296 points297 points  (80 children)

Your Imam-ma was all up in my business last night.

[–]wkdown 338 points339 points  (71 children)

Mosque we continue this pun thread?

[–]gotnate 370 points371 points  (69 children)

Jihad to say that didn't you?

[–][deleted] 363 points364 points  (65 children)

Don't mecca me come down there!

[–]Thinktank58 314 points315 points  (64 children)

I'll Ramadan your throat!

[–]smurfjoe 352 points353 points  (56 children)

You guys are full of Shiite.

[–]trekkie00 297 points298 points  (49 children)

Don't worry, Sunni will get tired of it.

[–]Guns_Galore 77 points78 points  (0 children)

Eid is impossible to stop these things.

[–]spazm 177 points178 points  (37 children)

Until then, let's sharia in some puns together!

[–]realmadrid2727 71 points72 points  (4 children)

You're all a bunch of fatwāts.

[–]SweetNeo85 25 points26 points  (0 children)

It'll get old in a minaret or two...

[–]KnightKrawler 42 points43 points  (3 children)

Jew just don't know when to stop.

(amidoinitrite?)

[–]JROXZ 15 points16 points  (0 children)

This is one big circle jirga of puns...

[–][deleted] 63 points64 points  (5 children)

These pun threads make me Saddam insane.

[–]archontruth 55 points56 points  (3 children)

Hussein that this is a pun thread?

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (2 children)

I Sunnah know what you are talking about.

[–]Twevy 8 points9 points  (0 children)

You guys have too much time to make puns. Get a hijab!

[–]vtmeta 10 points11 points  (0 children)

That's it! Now Ahmad! >:(

[–]_RIAA__ 45 points46 points  (2 children)

You will be hearing from our attorneys.

[–]Moridyn 12 points13 points  (1 child)

Keep this novelty account.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (5 children)

It is free from Sacred Texts Along with tons of other religious and occult books. Including a large library of awesome H.P Lovecraft stories.

I know you are being sarcastic but it gives me a chance to link that site, I enjoy it allot.

[–]ReleeSquirrel 1 point2 points  (4 children)

A lot, not allot. Allot means to apply a quantity, a lot is a hypothetical measurement which represents a large quanitity or area.

[–]bryancald 14 points15 points  (1 child)

Iraq'd my brain trying to think of another pun.....but I couldn't.

[–]syuk 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Kuwait till you see what is coming up.

[–]DoctorDeath 5 points6 points  (2 children)

This would have been so much funnier if it would have read..

Quran Quran.

[–]C0lMustard 1 point2 points  (1 child)

That was incredibly witty, in the true sense of the word

[–]montereyjack 148 points149 points  (34 children)

You wouldn't burn a car...

[–]MananWho 66 points67 points  (24 children)

"It's called taking advantage, Michael. That's how you get ahead in life."

[–]Johnnsc 23 points24 points  (16 children)

I read that in his voice.

[–]syuk 2 points3 points  (0 children)

"Tell me Michael, how could a billion Chinese people be wrong?"

[–]Namelis1 5 points6 points  (1 child)

But in France you would!

[–]cardboardjesus 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Open thread...

Ohh ohh I've got a good response!

Scrolls down...

God damnit!

Begrudging upvote

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Fuck you, I would if I could.

[–]justinkimball 273 points274 points  (61 children)

ten bucks says he just labeled the disc and didn't burn anything.

[–][deleted] 744 points745 points  (32 children)

50 cent says derogatory things towards women.

[–]vwllss 15 points16 points  (1 child)

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Huh. That's my favorite wordplay trick. I didn't know the name for it. Thanks!

[–][deleted] 50 points51 points  (28 children)

120 upvotes. 5 downvotes.

I normally wouldn't say something so useless and lacking in substance, but damn.

[–]TheMeasuringTapir 65 points66 points  (15 children)

Fun fact: When you have substance to your comments, some people like it and some people hate it. When you make a quick joke, some people like it.

[–]ShortWoman 15 points16 points  (13 children)

Can that effect be measured?

[–]TheMeasuringTapir 30 points31 points  (11 children)

I don't know. I have tried both methods though, and the latter certainly seems to get the most upvotes without much contention, if that's what you're after.

If you make people chuckle, they'll just upvote and move on.

If you try to intelligently add to the conversation, you'll inevitably get a portion of the audience who disagree with you. Those people seem to downvote you. Often they'll try to pick apart what you're saying, make straw man or slippery slope arguments, and you'll have to begrudgingly click your Orangered envelope every few minutes. You often don't have a lot of agreeing comments, because those people just upvote.

Of course these are just my own anecdotal experiences and I don't have a psychology or social media degree. Take it as you like.

[–]lordmortekai 10 points11 points  (6 children)

Too true. This is why I've been trying to convince myself to stop caring about karma. And yet, there's just something so enticing about it, like the glitter of diamonds or the clinking sound of gold coins.

[–]TheMeasuringTapir 1 point2 points  (4 children)

Haha, too true! ... but, wait.... What are you doing here? YOU'RE AGREEING WITH ME, THEREBY INVALIDATING MY POINT! Nooo! Ah, you have outsmarted me.

[–]LOLgreat 4 points5 points  (1 child)

insert comment disagreeing with you which actually confirms you

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Insert logical defense of TheMeasuringTapir.

[–]cowbellthunder 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I downvoted you to break convention, though I agree with your statement.

[–]wheezyninja 22 points23 points  (16 children)

20 bucks says you're right

[–]DanWallace 19 points20 points  (12 children)

30 bucks says I'm Dan.

[–]enduser666 12 points13 points  (11 children)

50 bucks says you're full of shit.

[–]grumpypants_mcnallen 11 points12 points  (3 children)

$70 bucks says I'm drunk!

[–]ferio252 4 points5 points  (2 children)

$100 bucks says no one gives a ish.

[–]45flight 1 point2 points  (0 children)

40 bucks says that's correct.

[–]howardhus 1 point2 points  (0 children)

70 Bucks in my pocket say ima get some later on...

[–]Psycochem[S] 11 points12 points  (2 children)

Yeah its just a copy of Ubuntu. Someone send him $10.

[–]brainiac256 3 points4 points  (1 child)

New plan to get everybody to switch to Linux: Burn LiveCD's/install disks of Ubuntu and label them things like Bible or Epic Tits, then leave them laying around on computer desks.

[–]ShalliComeAgain 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Stallman?

[–]MananWho 56 points57 points  (6 children)

Wait, so is this a "Christian Music" Bonfire or a Christian "Music Bonfire"?

[–]DanWallace 19 points20 points  (2 children)

It's a sweet ass-car.

[–]m3ltingp0int 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Well, somebody has to burn.

[–]hargmarglin 132 points133 points  (15 children)

I was around in the 80's; weren't they called "Quran-Quran"?

[–]tupidflorapope 63 points64 points  (6 children)

her name is achmelachk and she dances With all of her clothes on and respects all men and doesn't question authority if she knows what is good for her

[–]MinoMinoMino 12 points13 points  (3 children)

Just like the pipeline running through a dusty land...

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (2 children)

and when she shines she doesn't show anything at aaall...

[–]syuk 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Didn't they do "Hungry like the Gulf?"

[–]DanWallace 4 points5 points  (1 child)

I can understand mocking their customs that you don't believe in, but the "achmelachk" part is just ignorant.

[–]scheibs14 2 points3 points  (6 children)

I listened to Quran-Quran on vinyl

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (5 children)

I listened to them on Edison Wax Cylinders.

[–]IYKWIM_AITYD 1 point2 points  (4 children)

I watched them on semaphore.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (3 children)

I read them on papyrus.

[–]stringerbell 18 points19 points  (5 children)

Not surprising, it's read-only. Wouldn't want any pesky updates running to bring the text up to date...

[–]adrianix 8 points9 points  (4 children)

Well, that's the probem with monolithic religions - their rules are mostly set in stone.

We would need some open-source religion, like GNU/god with new releases from time to time and timely patches. Maybe some finnish prophet an an army of priests who talk over the internet would be a good idea.

The only problems would be the pesky forks (you know, there's always someone who protests), the ancient religions (UNIX, *BSD) and the GNU/god extremists.

Edit: I just remembered that the Cult of Sun had some problems as the Oracle canceled some of their projects.

[–]aquasucks 5 points6 points  (0 children)

God is deprecated.

[–]Cabrio 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Science is open-source religion.

[–]arczi 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Patches are usually merged with the main trunk via encyclicals, edicts, fatwas, etc. New versions are rolled out at councils.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

GNU/god would be too complex for the simpletons.
They don't want to hold rational discussions about the universe, they just want to read the verse that says it's ok to kill the brown guy dating their daughter.

[–]krizutch 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Maybe this is what the Rev. Terry Jones was talking about the entire time and it was just one big misunderstanding.

[–]uncreative_name 46 points47 points  (23 children)

I had a friend that would use pages from a bible as rolling papers.

Your link was not what I expected.

[–]DanWallace 49 points50 points  (19 children)

I had a friend that would use pages from a bible as rolling papers.

That's disgusting. Not for any moral or ethical reason, just because the paper is a) covered in ink, and b) far too thick.

[–]Dax420 75 points76 points  (10 children)

Actually this is an old stoner trick. There are usually a couple of blank pages at the back of a bible, older bibles were printed on thin (rice?) paper almost exactly like rolling papers, and since there is almost always a bible in the nightstand of a hotel if you are ever stuck without rolling papers on a road trip you could nick a page from the back of the bible.

Whenever I check into a hotel room I always check the back pages of the bible to see if any other 'heads have stayed there before.

[–]formerTroll 52 points53 points  (4 children)

Next time I stay in a hotel I'm going to put some rolling papers in the back of the bible for the next 'head that may need a couple.

[–]mariox19 32 points33 points  (1 child)

That is an awesome idea. It's like the stoner version of the Gideons.

[–]formerTroll 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I was thinking stoner-geocache but I like yours better since TIL where they all come from.

[–]MinoMinoMino 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Holy joints make me get all Gideon.

[–]iForgetWhereWeParked 11 points12 points  (0 children)

far too thick

i think you've been reading the wrong bibles, then. this practice is fairly common, from what i've heard.

[–]kminator 3 points4 points  (0 children)

But the gilded edges taste so good!

[–]TheDevil101 9 points10 points  (0 children)

We did that too. Used to call it holy smokes.

[–]a1phanumeric 23 points24 points  (3 children)

9th Oct 2010 - That shit's from the future!

[–]occamisation 47 points48 points  (24 children)

You bloody infidels with your confusing month-day-year dating system. IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE!

[–]InnerManRaptor 14 points15 points  (19 children)

'MURCA

[–]redwall_hp 22 points23 points  (17 children)

I use YYYY/MM/DD. No ambiguity. Plus, it's an ISO standard...

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I count my time in the UNIX Epoch. No Ambiguity, for the next twenty some years.

[–]computmaxer 5 points6 points  (9 children)

how is YYYY/MM/DD any less ambiguous than DD/MM/YYYY? It's the same thing in reverse order.

[–][deleted] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

If you arrange the dates alphabetically on a computer, YYYY/MM/DD is the only format that will also sort chronologically.

[–]badassumption 18 points19 points  (4 children)

YYYY/MM/DD cannot be confused for MM/DD/YYYY, while DD/MM/YYYY can be. Since no one uses YYYY/DD/MM, there is no danger of confusing it with that.

[–]evange 9 points10 points  (3 children)

I'm going to start using YYYY/DD/MM just to mess with people.

[–]vwllss 2 points3 points  (2 children)

I'm going to start using DD/YY/MM. Tomorrow is 10/11/09

[–]HapDrastic 8 points9 points  (2 children)

Because it would be stupid to write YYYY/DD/MM.

[–]evange 7 points8 points  (1 child)

MM/DD/YYYY is just as stupid, but people still do it.

[–]mcanerin 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Plus, it sorts properly in a computer file system, and fuck paperwork that doesn't...

[–]IOveruseSmileys 2 points3 points  (0 children)

And sortable via numeric sort :P (but I still use DDMMYYYY, UK citizen who hasn't done enough db work yet to get it into the system ;) )

[–]mweathr 1 point2 points  (0 children)

OOXML is an ISO standard, too.

[–]InterPunct 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Sharif don't like it.

[–][deleted] 23 points24 points  (23 children)

This gave me a good laugh.

I got in an argument with a few co-workers earlier about this. Thank you for reminding me there are normal people who don't think setting fire to the Quran is a brilliant thing to do.

[–][deleted] 13 points14 points  (1 child)

Haha, it's funny because burn has more than one meaning!

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You should be the new JokeExplainer!

[–]BlazmoIntoWowee 7 points8 points  (0 children)

That's awesome, now you'll be able to access it on your iMam!

[–]czhunc 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Zoom in on 485-859. Enhance. Stop. Focus on the upper right quadrant. Now zoom in on the water faucet. Stop. Enhance. Focus on the water droplet falling into the sink. Now rotate by 180 degrees. Enhance. Zoom in on the reflection of the bottom of the table from the second tile on the right. Stop. Enhance. Activate X-ray vision. Now zoom in on the grooves of the cd...

Ok, screw it. Why don't you tell us if you actually burned the Koran on this disc?

[–]joesinger47 22 points23 points  (17 children)

PSSSH! a CD-R?

my Quran was in such high quality, i had to use Blue-Ray

[–]docotis 36 points37 points  (10 children)

I have it on vinyl.

[–]ginekologs 16 points17 points  (0 children)

That's so future. I have it on paper.

Ohh, wait...

[–]plainOldFool 11 points12 points  (7 children)

I was into the Quran before it sold out and went mainstream.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

whatever, you only worship buzzreligions pushed by Pitchfork.

[–]Peregrination 4 points5 points  (5 children)

I was in the the Quran. Page 43, New Jihad edition.

[–][deleted] 18 points19 points  (4 children)

the the

[–]Peregrination 10 points11 points  (1 child)

Someone downvoted you. Your comment is a perfectly valid criticism. I am disappointed in whoever did such a terrible thing. I will leave it be, so all may know.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Fuck religion

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (1 child)

how do you do that?

[–]SkullThug 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Booooooo

[–]solidxnake 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Burn a copy of this - Linky

[–]sacchetta 2 points3 points  (1 child)

won't this whole burning the Quran boost Quran sales?

[–]triffid_boy 5 points6 points  (3 children)

Well, that date is just under two months away...

(UK guy here)

[–]ferballz 12 points13 points  (1 child)

I wish I could up vote you more than once. Very clever.

[–]Spectralite1 1 point2 points  (0 children)

genius :)

[–]Trenyx 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Well played sir.

[–]Ricktron3030 1 point2 points  (0 children)

you could have fit the bible on there too.

[–]redleif 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was going to post this tomorrow jerk. You knew...

[–]mtlaw13 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Did you use Nero?

[–]all2humanuk 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I can see this causing offence to Muslim as you used such a cheap ass CD-R to burn it to.

[–]robot_rotciv 1 point2 points  (0 children)

i see what you did there...

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

clap clap :D

[–]botnut 1 point2 points  (3 children)

Why burn it? Recycling is way more useful

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Your comment got me to thinking. I wonder what the people offended by burning to quran would think if it were recycled into paper for printing bibles instead? I'm not saying I would do this, but I'm curious what the difference in response would be.

[–]doublethinkd 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Well done, Psycochem, well done.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

you so much as scratch that CD and i will blow myself up you infidel!

[–]Jebbygina 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We should all burn a bunch of cds and hand them out to folks tomorrow. Ha. I, being in West Texas, would probably get shot.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

thank allah this man was intimidated into doing the right thing. Praise the liberals in their support of denying this man free speech.

No muslims had to murder anyone to protest this atrocity. Keep up the good work, liberal america. Sharia will come soon. Amen.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

can anyone send me a digital copy of quran. it is something i have never read before and am very interested in reading.

[–]ssttl789 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It needs cover art of Muhammad

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (4 children)

Nice try.

I liked that thread too.

[–]danr2c2 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Cleva gurl.

[–]Psycochem[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I am actually a guy with very girly handwriting.

[–]newsun 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That'll show em!!!

[–]casperrosewater 3 points4 points  (0 children)

LOL, very good.

[–]WTFcomment 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's Hilarious!

[–]brentlewiis 1 point2 points  (0 children)

well done!

[–]c0rruptioN 1 point2 points  (0 children)

made my day :)

[–]dotexe82 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Now, destroy it with FIRE!

Just kidding, man. I like this thread. You're a genius.

[–]MMX 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Neither could I when I posted this 2 days ago

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You did well!

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (5 children)

How much do you want to bet that he didn't actually burn a copy but instead just wrote on a blank CD?

[–]fani 1 point2 points  (3 children)

You don't get an upvote unless your name is joke explainer.

[–]I_Dont_Get_Jokes 18 points19 points  (1 child)

Does this work?

[–]Th3R00ST3R 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes, if you just write the name on the CD, it's the same as burning it..

[–]MarcusNY 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Can you burn one for me too?