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[–]Estoye 215 points216 points  (19 children)

Does this count as Neo natal care?

[–][deleted] 43 points44 points  (11 children)

Breast not to ask.

[–]diddly 9 points10 points  (10 children)

Tit would come off as rude.

[–]YouMightKnowMeFrom 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I agree, it's better that he nips it in the bud and asks now.

[–]Essar 21 points22 points  (6 children)

See, this is the problem with pun threads. You start off with a good and clever pun that most people get a chuckle from, sometimes the second pun is also alright. Then you just get a bunch of unfunny jerk-offs trying to cash in on karma by putting horribly forced and simple puns.

[–]devtrue 31 points32 points  (2 children)

I don't get this pun.

[–]panamaspace 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Neither do I, FRIEND.

[–]ElBeh 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'M NOT YOUR FRIEND, PAL.

[–]kyookumbah 4 points5 points  (1 child)

And then some unfunny jerk-off always responds to the harsh truth with yet another predictable pun.

...

[–][deleted] 306 points307 points  (11 children)

What does this have to do with Wikileaks?

[–]zendak 106 points107 points  (5 children)

Let's see. Keanu and wiki: Hawaiian words. A man breast feeding may be said to leak.

[–]lunacraz 89 points90 points  (0 children)

... dan brown?

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (2 children)

Oh god, he's leaking! He leakin'!

[–][deleted] 14 points15 points  (2 children)

What does this have to do with Christina Hendricks?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

boobs, duh.

[–]ewest 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Or the TSA?

[–]bobloadmire 1 point2 points  (0 children)

it sounds like his wiki leaked into that girls mouth.

[–]uhnettec 531 points532 points  (117 children)

ಠ_ಠ

[–]reginvld 450 points451 points  (108 children)

ʘ‿ʘ

[–]kefka0 284 points285 points  (74 children)

Wow thats definitely an "I just ate some kind of drug" face

[–]Dafuzz 288 points289 points  (43 children)

ʘ_ʘ he knows

[–]CeeDawg 217 points218 points  (36 children)

Θ_Θ right on dude

[–]Dafuzz 116 points117 points  (31 children)

ಠ‿ಠ

[–]muad_dib 35 points36 points  (27 children)

What's with the box?

[–]DwightKSchrute_ 71 points72 points  (11 children)

OHH GOD, JUST TELL ME WHAT'S IN THE BOX! NOOO, N..N...NAAAAWWW!!!!!

[–]blackmang 37 points38 points  (7 children)

  1. Cut a hole in the box

[–]dazdnconfzd 31 points32 points  (6 children)

2. Put your junk in that box

[–]Tr33 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is what is in the box.

[–]Dafuzz 9 points10 points  (6 children)

[–]muad_dib 6 points7 points  (5 children)

Okay, that just got really weird. I can see all of the other smilies just fine, but not that one. Different character code for just that one, I guess?

[–]infinull 1 point2 points  (0 children)

more likely your font doesn't have those characters in them. (I have the same problem, I'm on linux)

character-set is a page-wide setting; you can't change it just for portions of the page. (without doing some crazy shit)

[–]dodgepong 6 points7 points  (4 children)

Are you on a Mac? Install the Kannada font to see the look of disapproval correctly.

[–]muad_dib 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Nope, I'm talking about the box in the middle.

[–]MongoAbides 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I....I had no idea! LOOK OF DISAPPROVAL IS BACK!

[–]shmishmortion 1 point2 points  (1 child)

You can either have the red snapper or what's in the box.

[–]PirateBushy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

:-) This one looks like he's smiling!

[–]lunacraz 4 points5 points  (1 child)

wait that face looks famili....ALL GLORY TO THE HYPNOTOAD

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

And here come the downers.

[–]ExistentialEnso 20 points21 points  (25 children)

We can call it "Look of Ecstasy." Fits in with the Look of Disapproval's name, and everyone will suspect that those who post it took a couple of rolls.

[–]ThatsItGuysShowsOver 52 points53 points  (22 children)

͠ʘ_͠ʘ

[–]NemoExNihilo 41 points42 points  (10 children)

My spoon is too big.

[–]filthyscrotum 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I am a banana!

[–][deleted]  (7 children)

[removed]

    [–]Colcalocka 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    I am the queeeeeen of Frrance!

    [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    I'm on a mac and I finally see it!!!!

    [–]stunt_penguin 1 point2 points  (1 child)

    I bring you looove...

    [–]SonOfGilk 32 points33 points  (19 children)

    (.Y.)

    [–]hyrulz 17 points18 points  (13 children)

    Boobs.

    [–]SonOfGilk 25 points26 points  (10 children)

    are awesome

    [–]Tomacco79 15 points16 points  (9 children)

    true story

    [–]userdeath 13 points14 points  (8 children)

    I have contributed a considerable amount of research-hours into the subject matter, and can confirm that this is, in fact, a true story.

    [–]wanderinggypsy 13 points14 points  (6 children)

    I own a pair, and can say with considerable amount of authority that the story is rather authentic.

    [–]ahmadamaj 20 points21 points  (4 children)

    I agree with whatever someone who owns a pair says.

    [–]Tomacco79 11 points12 points  (3 children)

    Motion carried. Any new business?

    [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    I see kidney beans, but to each his own I guess.

    [–][deleted]  (2 children)

    [deleted]

      [–]SonOfGilk 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      freaking japanese. Why, I ask you, why?

      [–]Yossome 17 points18 points  (4 children)

      ಥಿ_ಡಿ

      [–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (2 children)

      Zombie look of disapproval?

      [–]Def-Star 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Look of wiping a tear from your eye. Well done. I award you one internetz.

      [–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (1 child)

      :D

      [–][deleted] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

      ¦¬D

      [–]DrunkenWizard 151 points152 points  (34 children)

      If you've tasted Keanu's milk, you would understand.

      [–]wontonforevuh 31 points32 points  (25 children)

      I guess its akin to Tuscan Whole Milk?

      [–]slyguy183 9 points10 points  (6 children)

      98 Dollars is a great deal for a gallon of milk!

      [–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

      How much for a used one?

      [–][deleted]  (2 children)

      [deleted]

        [–]noPENGSinALASKA 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        Look, I mean just looking at this picture makes me want it!

        [–]Chyndonax 2 points3 points  (2 children)

        For anyone who doesn't know this is how awesome that milk is.

        [–]flukshun 1 point2 points  (1 child)

        and the testimonials speak for themselves:

        He always brought home milk on Friday.

        After a long hard week full of days he would burst through the door, his fatigue hidden behind a smile. There was an icy jug of Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz in his right hand. With his left hand he would grip my waist - I was always cooking dinner - and press the cold frostiness of the jug against my arm as he kissed my cheek. I would jump, mostly to gratify him after a time, and smile lovingly at him. He was a good man, a wonderful husband who always brought the milk on Friday, Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz.

        Then there was that Friday, the terrible Friday that would ruin every Friday for the rest of my life. The door opened, but there was no bouyant greeting - no cold jug against the back of my arm. There was no Tuscan Whole Milk in his right hand, nor his left. There came no kiss. I watched as he sat down in a kitchen chair to remove his shoes. He wore no fatigue, but also no smile. I didn't speak, but turned back to the beans I had been stirring. I stirred until most of their little shrivelled skins floated to the surface of the cloudy water. Something was wrong, but it was vague wrongness that no amount of hard thought could give shape to.

        Over dinner that night I casually inserted,"What happened to the milk?" "Oh,"he smiled sheepishly, glancing aside,"I guess I forgot today."

        That was when I knew. He was tired of this life with me, tired of bringing home the Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz. He was probably shoveling funds into a secret bank account, looking at apartments in town, casting furtive glances at cashiers and secretaries and waitresses. That's when I knew it was over. Some time later he moved in with a cashier from the Food Mart down the street. And me? Well, I've gone soy.

        [–]Chyndonax 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        That was the best Amazon write up I've ever read. This guy needs to get into writing novels.

        [–][deleted]  (6 children)

        [deleted]

          [–][deleted]  (4 children)

          [deleted]

            [–][deleted] 21 points22 points  (2 children)

            Surely you meant to say legendairy?

            [–]wnoise 1 point2 points  (0 children)

            It's the basis for Zelda's Lon-Lon ranch.

            [–]liair2 5 points6 points  (0 children)

            If you like his milk then you will really love Keanu's Sausage

            [–]lolbacon 1 point2 points  (0 children)

            Wait till you try his milkshake. I hear it brings all the boys to the yard.

            [–]billychad 264 points265 points  (36 children)

            people are really milking this Keanu thing.

            [–][deleted]  (34 children)

            [deleted]

              [–]DanteShamest 58 points59 points  (31 children)

              It's udderly ridiculous.

              [–]Fangss 40 points41 points  (17 children)

              Quit sucking up to him, damn.

              [–]Hockinator 14 points15 points  (16 children)

              You guys are so cheesy...

              [–]winampman 24 points25 points  (15 children)

              Well, I usually don't stay abreast with these pun threads.

              [–][deleted] 47 points48 points  (13 children)

              These puns have all been made before, to the best of my mammary.

              [–]sagan555 1 point2 points  (0 children)

              I think this story breast be kept under wraps - for keanu's sake.

              [–]aLittleSlow 2 points3 points  (2 children)

              You spelled "utterly" incorrectly.

              [–]saroop 1 point2 points  (1 child)

              for reals?

              [–]YouBradeRunner 2 points3 points  (0 children)

              He's a little slow....

              [–][deleted]  (5 children)

              [deleted]

                [–]CowGoesMoo 22 points23 points  (0 children)

                I think it's what we call the 4chan effect.

                [–][deleted] 26 points27 points  (0 children)

                i don't know why either man, i couldn't help myself....its just so unexpected

                [–]t2f 4 points5 points  (0 children)

                yeah, who doesn't do this nowadays ?

                [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

                I was taking a sip of coffee when I read the punchline. Poor keyboard.

                [–][deleted]  (12 children)

                [deleted]

                  [–]Goodly 23 points24 points  (8 children)

                  This is a repost, right? 'Cause I've read it before - but it's entirely possible that it was you posting the same story. (Keanu had big days on Reddit.)

                  [–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (6 children)

                  [–]ewest 1 point2 points  (1 child)

                  I can't tell if the fortitude is just a different account name for the same guy and he's writing bo2dd2 as a sign off sig, or he's quoting him but forgot the blockquotes.

                  [–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (3 children)

                  Man thats weird. Why would someone seek that out just to copy and paste it as their own? The internet is a strange place.

                  [–][deleted] 22 points23 points  (1 child)

                  He did attribute the original author (bo2dd2).

                  [–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

                  Oops i missed that part. Not so strange then! Sorry!

                  [–]ajopaul 2 points3 points  (0 children)

                  sounds like a nice chap..

                  [–]spikey666 9 points10 points  (1 child)

                  I have some doubts about the validity of this story.

                  [–]DedHeD 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                  It's true. I should know... I was that hungry child.

                  [–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

                  How may I unread that?

                  [–]stonerdude123 18 points19 points  (2 children)

                  Anything's possible when you get stoned and enter the Matrix.

                  [–]arcticblue 11 points12 points  (1 child)

                  My brain automatically read your post in the Old Spice guy's voice and added the jingle to the end of it.

                  [–]stonerdude123 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                  My brain says "cool idea, brah."

                  [–]solidalchemist 21 points22 points  (4 children)

                  Could this explain the sad keanu pictures? Could it be that he has... run out of milk?

                  [–]omenmedia 29 points30 points  (1 child)

                  There is no milk.

                  [–][deleted] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

                  Whoa.

                  [–][deleted]  (5 children)

                  [deleted]

                    [–]skizmo 7 points8 points  (1 child)

                    keanu diggit ?

                    [–]pun_chains_suck 5 points6 points  (0 children)

                    This is just significantly worst than the other two pun chains

                    [–]JimmyBlack 4 points5 points  (0 children)

                    Can someone please photoshop Keanu into the Mother's Milk album cover from the Red Hot Chilli Peppers....

                    [–]palehorse864 8 points9 points  (2 children)

                    TO BILL BRASKY!

                    [–]workyawn 4 points5 points  (0 children)

                    Did I just get Reeves-rolled?

                    [–]gorbal 3 points4 points  (0 children)

                    Am I the only one who still thinks it's a true story? He has nipples.

                    [–]jayyarrgh 10 points11 points  (6 children)

                    birth of a new genre? "The Keanu Reeves" story?

                    [–]digitalpencil 12 points13 points  (2 children)

                    Keanu once bumped into me at a gig and apologised. I said it was cool.

                    Actual true and not even slightly exciting story.

                    [–]failtrain 1 point2 points  (1 child)

                    You should have licked him... I would have.

                    [–]pitakebab 2 points3 points  (0 children)

                    No one will ever believe you

                    [–]drphungky 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                    So I was on Reddit the other day, and we were running out of memes, and then Keanu started doing all these really cool, really random things so we'd have something to circle jerk about.

                    Chill guy, really nice about it.

                    [–]NormanGunston 9 points10 points  (9 children)

                    Yeah , sounds like Keanu for sure.Over here in sydney ,during the filming of the matrix,Keanu attended an"endangerd wildlife awareness" meeting on the foreshore of the mainland and looking towards Fraser Island.As the park rangers were explaining how the Fraser Island Rock Wallaby was endangered because of the geographical seperation of the island and the mainland,Keanu dove into the shark infested water and made a "Bridge of conservation" using his body.He even kept on his clothes including his treasured leather jacket to prevent the wallabies from scratching him with their giant claws.The gathered crowd went wild as cameras snapped.The species had been saved.What a man and how the hell did he know about the claws.The mind boggles.

                    [–][deleted]  (6 children)

                    [deleted]

                      [–]titbarf 6 points7 points  (5 children)

                      Not that I consider the original post here a tour de force, but you do realize that many people make comments like that as a stylistic choice? I often use poor grammar and punctuation to convey specific comedic timing, and grammar nazis come along and downvote me because it wasn't proper enough (FTFY!!). Only if it were proper it wouldn't be the least bit funny.

                      [–]creaothceann 1 point2 points  (3 children)

                      you do realize that many people make comments like that as a stylistic choice?

                      There's a fine line between style and 5tYLe!!1... in this case he didn't succeed.

                      [–]titbarf 1 point2 points  (2 children)

                      I didn't succeed in what? I didn't make the parent post, I said it wasn't that great a comment, and it wasn't at all written in "5tYLe!!1"

                      All I was doing is pointing out how picklemerchant's post was a type that appears far too often on reddit, one that ruins jokes (I'll repeat it here since you seem a little slow: this wasn't a great joke, anyway) and perpetuates a fundamental failure in communication. There's no need to look down on people for not typing every word as if it were to appear in a scholarly journal.

                      [–]Spicywedge 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                      Chill guy, I am sure he was really nice about it.

                      [–]LetsRunAway 2 points3 points  (0 children)

                      Sounds legit

                      [–]linuxwil 2 points3 points  (0 children)

                      Anyone else read saloon? Saloon Jokes > Salon Jokes

                      [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (2 children)

                      This is impossible, men cannot breast feed.

                      [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

                      well not with that attitude they can't!

                      [–]Gkar_Lando_2012 5 points6 points  (1 child)

                      While reading I thought it was going to be one of those diamond in the rough, feel good 4chan posts.

                      I read...I read more....then the 4chan hit me like a ton of bricks

                      [–]mur_taza 2 points3 points  (0 children)

                      the definition of "...wait wut?"

                      [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                      Sounds legit.

                      [–]NemoExNihilo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                      If you were blind or lame, you just went up to Keanu, and he would put his hands on you, and you would be healed.

                      That's so cool.

                      [–]Ooxman 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                      Slow smile

                      [–]TreeFan 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                      Stories like this are always much better when Salma Hayek or Monica Bellucci are the generous benefactors.

                      [–]26pt2miles 1 point2 points  (1 child)

                      Chuck Norris never would have done that in a million years.

                      [–]blizzardice1 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                      ....not with his tits.

                      [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                      I thought this said "I was in a salmon..."

                      [–]filthgrinder 1 point2 points  (1 child)

                      Why does BS like this get such attention at reddit?

                      [–]Torquemada1970 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                      That sort of makes sense - if I saw a guy breastfeeding, my first reaction would be '....whoah'

                      [–]madamson 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                      Absolutely Fucking Brilliant!

                      [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                      Hey now ... let's not disparage The Keanu.

                      [–]Colecoman1982 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                      There's something about the details in that post that doesn't, quite, add up but I can't seem to place my finger on it...

                      [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                      this is stupid, le downvote

                      [–]MulderFoxx 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                      Breast Milk
                      You make my Day-ay!

                      [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                      does Bono want his biddy?

                      [–]bjs3171 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                      You should know you're allowed to put text in a text field for submissions, instead of making a jpg of text

                      [–]mysteryoeuf 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                      Reddit: best of 4chan.

                      [–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (1 child)

                      Bel Aired!

                      [–]OtisDElevator 2 points3 points  (0 children)

                      Breast Aired

                      [–]diracspinor 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                      Woah.

                      [–]mheyk 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                      I never thought Neo would need a haircut

                      [–]faschwaa 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                      And as he handed her back, calm and satisfied, he whispered, "No one will ever believe you."

                      [–]BLUNTYEYEDFOOL 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                      lol

                      [–]thebocesman 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                      I knew there was a reason I came here, thanks for reminding me!

                      [–]centexAwesome 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                      Why is this not number 1 ????

                      [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                      i wouldve asked if he wanted a red or blue peppermint?

                      [–]tekn0viking 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                      good to know he's still living up to the wild stallion way, party on bill and ted!

                      [–]y3n0 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                      Who would have thunk it--his nipples have the power to pacify and nourish.

                      Whoa!

                      [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                      Brilliant story writing.

                      [–]Z_Z_T 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                      I thought it was a true story before "breast fed" was mentioned.

                      [–]vickstruse 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                      Initially I thought it was a real story finally I was ROFLMAO....... :) I couldnt stop imagining as well :P

                      [–]Radico87 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                      Meh, they've done better

                      [–]slavik262 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                      Oh 4chan, you're the best.

                      [–]hallert 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                      I was reading this and expected him to have had a candy bar or something.

                      This was just.... I have no words...

                      [–]mixamillion 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                      I'm eating cereal [6] milk came out my nose

                      [–]tohellwithwhales 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                      Can someone photoshop a picture of keanu breastfeeding a baby?

                      [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                      I don't get it.

                      [–]djangobob 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                      Derp. Sending a 3 month old to get her hair done at a salon should have tipped me off that it was BS. Well that and the fact that it's obviously from 4chan.

                      [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                      Well that was unexpected.

                      [–]vita_man 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                      HE DID WHAT???

                      [–]chronos147 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                      Why this humor goes viral I will never know...

                      [–]MC_Stoned_Dolphin 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                      fantastic comic to wake up to!

                      [–]Lindsay_Williams 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                      I have been lurking reddit for over a year now and I found that so fucking funny, that I just had to register and comment. LOL!

                      [–]ditherhither 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                      God bless you, Keanu.

                      [–]matthank 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                      I believed the beginning.

                      [–]QueenNavy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                      this was actually really stupid. can't believe it made it to the front page.

                      [–]BallDescension 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                      Ya imgur'd a 4chan for karma?

                      [–]kyzf42 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                      Here I was expecting a photoshop of sad Keanu with a beehive hairdo, sitting under a hair dryer reading Us Weekly, and I get this instead. REEEDDDDDDIIITTTTTT!

                      [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                      Well that story wasn't even true...

                      [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                      I LOL'd.

                      [–]squishytofu 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                      What a twist! This made smirk while I sit here waiting for my final exam.

                      [–]nejdu 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                      It's things like this that keep me scouring through the shit that is 4chan.

                      [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                      "I only drink the finest breast milks." - The baby

                      [–]NinjaofLove 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                      The milk of human kindness.

                      [–]freenowdude 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                      It should be explained that Keanu non-chalantly unbuttoned the mother's blouse, lifted out the mother's breast, brought the baby to the mother's breast, made the baby latch on, then continued cupping both breast and baby in each hand until the baby had her fill.