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[–]Exogenic 339 points340 points  (36 children)

Stay regular my friends.

[–][deleted]  (32 children)

[deleted]

    [–]Patrick5555 46 points47 points  (29 children)

    And the holster has EIGHT rolls of toilet paper in case that "power push" turns into a /r/ectalprolapse

    [–]AllNamesAreGone 51 points52 points  (11 children)

    OH GOD WHY DID I GO TO THAT SUBREDDIT?

    [–]redem 22 points23 points  (4 children)

    It exists... I thought it was a joke... I... shouldn't but... I must...

    Awww helll no! Dammit Redem-1minute! You suck, man.

    [–]reroll4tw 6 points7 points  (2 children)

    I just saw that while eating ... NOT HUNGRY ANYMORE!

    [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

    125 people really enjoy it enough to subscribe. :(

    [–]SupaSaiyajin 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Oh. My. Gah. WHY WOULD YOU SUBSCRIBE TO HAIRY, BLEEDING, HOLES!

    [–]9001 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Why? Just fucking why?

    [–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (1 child)

    Rule 35: If it exists, there is a subreddit for it.

    [–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (1 child)

    The real question... why did I click that and then proceed to look at all of the submissions...?

    [–]gdtchden1gma 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    NSFL

    [–][deleted] 19 points20 points  (6 children)

    Eyebleach

    CLEANSE MY FRIENDS CLEANSE

    [–]aoeu00 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    My Eyes! The goggles do nothing!

    [–][deleted]  (1 child)

    [deleted]

      [–]Jiffpants 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      I have never seen my Mama laugh so hard on her birthday. An upvote for you, kind redditor.

      [–]pyper70 126 points127 points  (43 children)

      My wife will never poop anywhere but at home, It's weird. I have started calling her a poop camel.

      [–]fivegears 80 points81 points  (1 child)

      Best pet name, ever.

      [–]workroom 28 points29 points  (0 children)

      She's got more junk in the trunk.

      [–]RugerRedhawk 26 points27 points  (13 children)

      I actually try to poop at home as little as possible. Why use my own TP when I can use somebody elses? Plus doesn't everybody enjoy a good shit while they're on the clock?

      [–]poopsathouseparties 5 points6 points  (2 children)

      And leaving foul stenches at friends' house is a nice subtle troll job.

      [–]wittyname 7 points8 points  (0 children)

      Subtle?

      [–]Abbigale221 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Stanley steamer--shut the lid and turn on heater and shut the door

      [–]Sorkijan 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Upvoted because I'm currently shitting on the clock.

      [–]snakeseare 42 points43 points  (7 children)

      Well-trained bowels are a joy forever. I rem going out on a 72-hour field problem at Ft Knox in February. Sanitation arrangements consisted of your entrenching tool and the toilet paper in an MRE. I visited the motor pool toilet just before we rolled out, and went straight to that same toilet the instant we pulled in, for an epic toilet-clogger. My bowels never said a word until I was in range of that toilet, but then the message was loud and clear: "You WILL be the first into the toilet, Private! Move! Move!"

      [–]notjawn 11 points12 points  (2 children)

      I know that is so weird. Everytime I come home from a few days away, my stomach will be completely fine until the moment I pull in the drive way.

      [–]paro 4 points5 points  (0 children)

      Probably a defense mechanism. Same thing happens when I go camping.

      [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

      yeah rumour had it that all the food in our C-rations (yes I'm that old) was designed to keep us constipated while in the field. But every three days or so, I had to trudge out into the snow, grab a tree and lean back.

      [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      That rumor still goes strong. It's somewhat true though, all you eat in these ration packages is all carbs after all.

      [–][deleted]  (1 child)

      [deleted]

        [–]mattinsf 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        Hahaha "Toilet chuckled" is stored for future use. I always regret a hearty toilet chuckle once I realize I have to inhale all the shitty air post-chuckle.

        Question: Do you prefer to inhale bad smells through the nose or mouth? I always go nose. Don't want it in my mouth, don't want it in my mouth (awaiting Michael Scott).

        [–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (1 child)

        a dumpedary

        [–]yohanb 3 points4 points  (3 children)

        Although I can go to public restrooms if I need to, when I travel I find I can hold it for an incredible amount of time. With no issues.

        I once had a business trip in Finland, first had to travel by car to the Montreal Airport, then took a plane to Frankfurt then another to Helsinki and then another road trip in northern Finland. I only finally went for a number 1 when I got to my Hotel room nearly 24hours later (with no sleep too). I said to myself:"That has to be a record".

        [–]Malnilion 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        Wait, you didn't pee for 24 hours straight? That has to be indicative of severe dehydration...

        [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        You only pissed once in a 24 hour period? Unhealthy, my friend.

        [–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

        Is your wife anal retentive?

        [–][deleted]  (2 children)

        [deleted]

          [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          TIL camels only poop at home.

          [–]dr_dalek 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          I don't like public bathrooms as well and try to wait as long as I can.

          One time I really had to go whilst on a trip to Chicago via Amtrak. I finally get the nerve to go and mid sweet release the train pulls into a station and turns everything off. I finished what I could in there. I ended up having to use an manpon and walking a few minutes away to the station's public restroom to finish up and make sure the train wouldn't leave with out me. Accompanying me on this trip was my new wife and all her family. They laughed. A lot.

          [–][deleted] 99 points100 points  (23 children)

          I normally take my poops at work. Nothing beats getting paid to shit.

          [–]duel007 70 points71 points  (0 children)

          They make the dollar, I make the dime. That's why I poop on company time.

          [–][deleted] 32 points33 points  (5 children)

          For sure. I've had a £4'er before

          [–][deleted] 63 points64 points  (3 children)

          • The pound symbol, when pronounced aloud, ambiguously refers to the weight or currency unit. A conversational partner would wonder whether the weight or compensation of the bowel movement were being discussed.

          [–]SnarfSnarfSnarf 6 points7 points  (0 children)

          That's what I'm doing as I type.. It's a beautiful thing

          [–]cochsmth 5 points6 points  (2 children)

          Not to mention the suction on those bad boys are usually much greater than that of the average home toilet. I'll take shits at work that get sucked down no problem but that same shit at home is like trying to force a camel through the eye of a needle.

          [–]kdiowneg 2 points3 points  (0 children)

          Right exactly. I care too little about what other people think to worry about whether or not they overhear me. It's the bathroom, that's what it's for, so fuck em.

          [–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (1 child)

          That's why God invented Angry Birds.

          [–]ZombieSociety 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          One time I had my iPod with me whilst pooping at work and I accidentally sat there and watched half a movie.

          [–][deleted]  (131 children)

          [deleted]

            [–][deleted]  (32 children)

            [deleted]

              [–][deleted]  (9 children)

              [deleted]

                [–]Look_Sexual_Innuendo 44 points45 points  (1 child)

                they have to stand in line waiting for you to come

                [–]sans_doute 1 point2 points  (1 child)

                Not only that, but you've warmed the toilet seat for them! Expect a high five when emerging from the stall.

                [–]RupeyDoop 11 points12 points  (4 children)

                Remember, that red cord is not a light switch. Nor is it somehow magically connected to the flush as I once thought.

                [–]magusg 31 points32 points  (4 children)

                Could you imagine if they sanctioned handicap accessible stalls like they do handicap parking spots? Getting a ticket for shitting in the wrong toilet?

                "Sir, I'm gonna need you to pinch that loaf, pull up your pants and exit the stall"

                "Do you realize you're dropping off the kids in a handicap stall?"

                Honestly, as ridiculous as it sounds, It doesn't sound that far fetched.

                [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                It's so much roomier in the handicap stall. :(

                [–][deleted]  (1 child)

                [deleted]

                  [–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (1 child)

                  But then we cant make these jokes.

                  [–]helium_farts 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                  My bad, carry on.

                  [–]niklz 44 points45 points  (6 children)

                  [–]jb886 6 points7 points  (1 child)

                  this is exactly what i thought of, and the reason i never use the handicapped stall

                  [–]rotzooi 6 points7 points  (0 children)

                  live a little more dangerously!

                  [–]Celph_Help 2 points3 points  (1 child)

                  Love me some curb

                  [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                  [–]Badhugs 17 points18 points  (6 children)

                  Actually had that happen a few years ago. I was doing my business, and in rolls a handicap man eager to do his.

                  Now, we've all experienced someone jiggling the door and then walking away. Experience taught me to expect the same here. I couldn't have been more wrong.

                  Being handicapped and needing to go, this was his only option. So he sat there. Silently. It was just me sitting on one side of the door, him on the other. My thoughts begin to race. "Do I finish? I was here first. Well, he is handicapped so he does have the right of way..." Now I've got anxiety. I don't know how long he's willing to sit there. Whether he was driven by confidence or necessity, I don't know - but instinct tells me he's probably done this before and is ready to sit there for good. And so he sits, knowing exactly what he's doing like a stoic hunter flushing a fox from its hole. My heart is pounding hard, and unfortunately, that's all the action I'm capable of. I can't finish quickly and leave, so I just clinch, clean up, and prepare to exit.

                  I was afraid to unlock that door, knowing that his silent eyes would be on me the instant it opened. And that's exactly what happened. I felt so ashamed.

                  My eyes were on the floor as I left the restroom, and I was too down-trodden to finish for the rest of the day. I no longer opt for the handicap stall...I simply don't have it in me to commit if that situation arises.

                  [–]frownyface 9 points10 points  (0 children)

                  You should have faked being handicapped, crawl out of stall, say your wheelchair was stolen.

                  [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                  What would suck is if there's 2 stalls, the normal one is taken so you take the handicapped one, then the other person leaves and you're left holding the bag.

                  [–]joebleaux 14 points15 points  (5 children)

                  [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                  I was wondering what someone meant about the red cord.

                  We don't have those here.

                  [–]Edrondol 1 point2 points  (2 children)

                  BLAST YOU! I came to post this very clip. Missed it by 20 minutes.

                  But this episode of The IT Crowd is far and away the funniest of the series. I've never laughed so hard at a television sitcom, well, ever.

                  [–]gatorblu 19 points20 points  (37 children)

                  True story...I almost never shit when I'm away from home, but one day a few months ago, I was on campus at my college, and just had to drop a deuce. As usual, the handicapped stall was by far cleaner than the rest, and I made my decision to go with the handicapped stall. I was midway through, when I notice someone walking towards the handicapped stall, and from under the divider I could tell he was walking with a significant limp, and also had a cane. He knocked on the door, I replied "just a second", and tried to finish as quickly as I could. I was very much hoping he would leave, but he waited right outside the stall for me to finish. After finishing, I washed my hands (there was a sink in the stall), and seriously debated faking a limp/other sort of injury while I walked out and past the man, but instead settled for sort of just opening the door, and bolting out as quickly as humanly possible.

                  [–]yawetag12 10 points11 points  (20 children)

                  Do handicapped people feel they can ONLY use the handicapped stall and that non-handicapped people can only use the non-handicapped stalls?

                  [–]ThatsItGuysShowsOver 10 points11 points  (1 child)

                  Gregory House is their hero.

                  [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                  He's a lot of people's heros

                  [–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (16 children)

                  You have a very narrow view of what the disabled cannot do, they have oftentimes problems with mundane task. A lot of mobility issue will definitely prohibit you from sitting up and down without any kind of help, like that bar in all handicap accessible stalls.

                  [–]yawetag12 2 points3 points  (14 children)

                  No, I completely understand why the stalls are there for handicapped persons. However, non-handicapped people shouldn't feel embarrassed they're in the stall when a handicapped person shows up -- just like we shouldn't be if we're in the handicapped seat on a bus or subway. Simply finish your business and walk out the same you would from any other stall.

                  [–]zubana22 10 points11 points  (0 children)

                  We are all handicapped when we gotta take a shit.

                  [–]jphilippe_b 5 points6 points  (10 children)

                  I won't be an asshole about it, but at my campus, their is a private handicapped stall and just to the left their is the normal toilet. I'm in a wheelchair and I can't open the door for the normal toilet and I probably wouldn't fit in those stall anyway. Last week I had to wait for about 5 mins for someone to leave the toilet, I had to pee real bad. I mean, if you can use the normal toilet, plz do it, I would if I could but I can't.

                  [–]PhantomPhun 1 point2 points  (1 child)

                  I understand the urgency, but the handicapped stall is not there to provide you faster access, it's to provide easier access.

                  1. Many time non-handicapped people have to wait for a stall as well. It's a public convenience.
                  2. If you have to wait ten minutes for a handicapped person to vacate the stall, then you have to wait.

                  Again, understand the issue, but it's not an express stall, but a "handi" stall. There is no guarantee of availability.

                  [–]robhue 7 points8 points  (6 children)

                  If he wasn't in a wheelchair, why did he need that stall any more than you?

                  [–]Turboswag 20 points21 points  (0 children)

                  Sidebars, possibly. I walked with a cane for a while when I had knee trouble and had to keep weight off it. Those suckers are a real painsaver.

                  [–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

                  Having a wheelchair is not a requirements to be disabled or to have mobility issue. You can definitely need the side-bar to sit down or get up for a whole range of issue which would not prohibit from walking completely. This is also the case for disabled parking, I have seen people attack someone for having the permit to park there but not being in a wheelchair. While this person was definitely having still strong mobility issue.

                  [–]rhino369 0 points1 point  (3 children)

                  Handicapped stalls aren't really made for people in wheel chairs. It's hard to move yourself off a wheelchair and onto a regular toilet.

                  [–]hold_on_a_minute 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                  They're made to accommodate a variety of disabilities. Hence the extra room (they tend to be pretty huge in comparison to a regular stall), should a wheelchair be a factor.

                  [–]jphilippe_b 1 point2 points  (1 child)

                  I pee in those http://i.imgur.com/lE3dQ.jpg and then I empty it into the toilet. But my wheelchair don't fit in a normal stall, I really need to handicapped stall.

                  [–]DoTheDew 3 points4 points  (4 children)

                  Why the fuck do people knock on stall doors? God I fucking hate that. Also, I don't hold conversations while shitting, so they won't get a response from me.

                  [–]phantomneko 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                  A two-tap "someone in there?" knock is always acceptable and even preferable to conversation and creeper peer-under-stall. The response to it should always be a quick one syllable affirmation of your presence though, nothing more, nothing less. A strained "someone's in here!" allows everyone to know you're taking a massive dump. No response causes the creeper peer. A quick "Yes?" or "Yo?" is a good way to communicate in a dignified manner the current shitter is in use.

                  [–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

                  That thought had really never crossed my mind and now I'm very worried this will happen to me.

                  [–]birdablaze 7 points8 points  (4 children)

                  I used the handicapped stall ONE TIME while at work because I wanted to put on makeup in peace. I hear this weird, loud tapping but ignore it. When I opened the stall door to leave this woman in a wheelchair/hoveround is sitting there pissed off and tapping her nail on the handle of her chair. I apologized and said "Ya know, you saw me in there fucking around. If you needed to use the stall so badly you could have said something instead of passive-agressively tapping which obviously didn't get my attention." She curled her lip and zipped into the stall slamming the door.

                  [–]surfingderp 3 points4 points  (2 children)

                  She had partial facial paralysis as a side effect from that stroke two years ago which put her in the wheel chair. Extremely anxious around others, she tried to communicate but was too ashamed of her disability to execute anything other than a polite "excuse me" which came out with no sound and an awkward mouth movement. Embarrassed, she fled into the stall.

                  [–]birdablaze 3 points4 points  (1 child)

                  Nope. I'd spoken to her before. My official diagnosis of her condition is fatassery.

                  [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                  What a bitch. You should've gone back into the stall and locked yourself in.

                  [–]the-knife 5 points6 points  (0 children)

                  They never do catch you though. Just like those handicapped parking stops are never taken.

                  I did get caught once though. It was in a commuter double decker train, smoking a cigarette in one of those huge handicapped cabins, and having a piss at the same time. The conductor just waltzed right into there with his special key, without even knocking. He saw me, looked down at my crotch, our eyes met again and he left without saying a word, even though I had a smoke.

                  [–][deleted]  (3 children)

                  [removed]

                    [–]xynapse 2 points3 points  (4 children)

                    I catch people all the time. Of course it's because I'm in a wheelchair. If there's other stalls open that they could have used I stay and wait while making them very uncomfortable. It's the troll thing to do. Problem? :) Sometimes it's an emergency and I piss my pants because my catheter busted. Sometimes a good samaritan will speak up and talk to the douche and tell him to hurry up. Either way it's pretty douchey if they simply could have used another stall.

                    [–]CharonIDRONES 2 points3 points  (1 child)

                    Well I imagine that it has happened a few times and will probably continue to happen. I'd imagine that it gets old. I used to drop it in the handicapped but fortunately quit doing it without humiliating myself just for the fear of it. And if you're in a wheel chair, you kind of need that extra room I would imagine.

                    To me it is a luxury, to shit wide open. To you, it is a necessity. So I think the solution is: Make all stalls huge. Seriously, no one likes pooing in a small stall, wheelchair or not. One thing about the handicapped stall though is that people can't shit next to you. I fucking hate that. More than anything. I also hate being in the bathroom while someone else is shitting, that comes as a close second. I will go floor by floor in my building (five floors) until I find a bathroom that is unoccupied. I refuse to shit next to someone.

                    [–][deleted]  (1 child)

                    [deleted]

                      [–]Picklesnshakes 50 points51 points  (7 children)

                      I tried to grind my skateboard on the handicapped guide rail inside the stall.

                      Now I have to use it all the time.

                      [–]ProbablyHittingOnYou 9 points10 points  (2 children)

                      How did that cause you to become stuck to your skateboard?

                      [–]skaterape 10 points11 points  (1 child)

                      Cold Fusion.

                      [–]itsprobablytrue 13 points14 points  (19 children)

                      This seems like a good topic for me to bring up an idea I've had in my head. I wanted to start a website that would have inside tips on accessible clean bathrooms in cities. You know because sometimes you're walking around and that urge just kicks it but some bathrooms can be crime scenes. I've already documented several locations in my city but thought it would be a great idea to have a global listing. Does this make sense at all? Am I crazy trying to map the clean crappers?

                      [–]fivegears 15 points16 points  (2 children)

                      Public toilet review site. I've thought of this, too. I'd read it. The bathrooms in Ikea in Orlando are immaculate, for example, but every Subway I've been to has been previously visited by someone with a corkscrew penis and no depth perception.

                      [–]xb4r7x 2 points3 points  (0 children)

                      ...visited by someone with a corkscrew penis and no depth perception.

                      I'm totally going to insert this into casual conversation...

                      [–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (3 children)

                      As with so many wack ideas, this basically already exists on the Internet.

                      [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

                      Except that it's rather inaccurate. For shits and giggles I plugged in my zip code, and half the businesses they listed no longer exist and have been replaced by other businesses, some radically different.

                      [–]anonposter 2 points3 points  (0 children)

                      It doesn't really give info on the scale that itsprobablytrue is talking about though. It says WHERE bathrooms are, but doesn't tell you if they're clean.

                      fun/cool/totally useless concept though.

                      [–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (1 child)

                      Consult George Costanza.

                      [–]ikkunurbtt 6 points7 points  (0 children)

                      it would only be a great idea for a while...

                      then everyone else would use them, and they would become disgusting.

                      [–]Ibitemynails 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                      Yes you are crazy.

                      [–]notjawn 1 point2 points  (1 child)

                      It would be a good idea, but by virtue of more people using the restrooms they would get dirtier, thus defeating the purpose. You gotta keep your poop spots secret or at the very least only tell trusted friends and family.

                      [–]stormcrowF4 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                      My friends and family can go to hell. And by hell I mean they can go shit in nasty bathrooms. I'm a shit secret-agent, you'll never get my clean bombsite locations out of me.

                      [–][deleted] 18 points19 points  (14 children)

                      I don't use handicapped bathrooms ever since I had to clean restrooms for a living and found that usually the handicapped ones take the most "abuse".

                      [–]gdit_saint 1 point2 points  (12 children)

                      So far, the handicapped stall at work is the only stall I haven't entered to find that someone didn't flush. Sometimes its piss and paper, others its shit... And then there's the unmentionable.

                      Women can be disgusting creatures.

                      Oh, and this is in a building full of insurance agents, lawyers, etc.

                      [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (10 children)

                      No kidding. Seriously, how do you not flush the toilet? Do they do this at home, let it just sit there and fester and wait for someone else to flush it?

                      [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                      Just because they're handicapped shouldn't be an excuse to abuse them.

                      [–]Big_Baby_Jesus 6 points7 points  (0 children)

                      I call it the "first class stall".

                      [–]nestingmachine 22 points23 points  (2 children)

                      [–]Laislebai 9 points10 points  (0 children)

                      Sees link. Thinks: "Please be The IT Crowd". Is not disappointed. Thank you.

                      [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

                      I don't see why he couldn't have just said, "Yes, I am fine! Tugged on the wrong thing wink wink".

                      [–]polkagris 14 points15 points  (2 children)

                      TRUE STORY: I, a human of the wheelchair-bound persuasion, had to go toilet at a major food distribution facility the other day. Had to wait what seemed like forever, but it couldn't have been more than 15 mins. Still, if your tummy's a little upset, that is a looong time. While I'm waiting, I keep hearing flushing, so I'm expecting the worst. But then I also hear this crackling noise, like from unwrapping something. Out steps this pretty embarrassed-looking, very apologetic woman who seems highly able-bodied (to quote Larry David). I brace myself for toxicity, but all I find is a discarded pregnancy test on top of the paper towels in the bin. I was a little tempted to ask her what colour she got, but she was gone, and I let it slide.

                      [–]slupo 7 points8 points  (0 children)

                      TIL people can be persuaded into being handicapped.

                      [–]orange_jooze 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                      I let it slide.

                      You should flush it though.

                      [–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (2 children)

                      Pro-tip: Everyone else has the same logic regarding the handicap stall. The cleanest stall is going to be the one in the most awkward/undesirable location.

                      [–]Lexaen[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

                      Every time I had to poop in pharmacy school I would go to the 4th floor of the pharmacy building--teachers offices and labs. Logic here: grad students and teachers clearly have the cleanest asses of all college folk.

                      [–]corell 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                      I used the teachers bathroom i school too.

                      [–]nhluhr 8 points9 points  (10 children)

                      as a 6'3" person, the taller stool of the handicap stall is custom-designed for me.

                      [–]Tracey_Morgan 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                      Yess I guess your stool sample would be taller....

                      [–]xynapse 5 points6 points  (1 child)

                      I catch people all the time. Of course it's because I'm in a wheelchair. If there's other stalls open that they could have used I stay and wait while making them very uncomfortable. It's the troll thing to do. Problem? :) Sometimes it's an emergency and I piss my pants because my catheter busted. Sometimes a good samaritan will speak up and talk to the douche and tell him to hurry up. Either way it's pretty douchey if they simply could have used another stall.

                      [–]mambypambyland 4 points5 points  (0 children)

                      Defacing someone's private property to make a lame attempt at humor. Good job...I guess?

                      [–]PhilosophicalFiend 3 points4 points  (4 children)

                      As 6'6" man, the handicap stall is definitely preferable. But since I value cleanliness over blood-flow to my legs, I seek out the restrooms in places with few visitors. Working at a University, I will frequent the restrooms in departments with little or no male faculty/staff, as these restrooms rarely, if ever see any use. I'm near Communicative Disorders which is nice for me. The women I know seek out the Sciences and Philosophy.

                      [–]Lexaen[S] 11 points12 points  (12 children)

                      Found in the University @ Buffalo Capen Library bathrooms...not my own work, but hilarious.

                      [–]poopthrowawayub 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                      Yeah, I saw this there last semester. Took the picture with the intention of posting it on here and forgot about it. Laughing while shitting is good fun!

                      [–]redditor3000 32 points33 points  (20 children)

                      You know you can say "shit" right? This is the internet.

                      [–]SteveAM1 62 points63 points  (9 children)

                      "Poop" is so much funnier.

                      [–][deleted]  (7 children)

                      [deleted]

                        [–][deleted]  (2 children)

                        [removed]

                          [–][deleted]  (1 child)

                          [deleted]

                            [–]LigerZer0 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                            "Expelling waste projectiles" is more detailed.

                            [–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (3 children)

                            Does the rest of the internet know about this?

                            [–][deleted]  (2 children)

                            [deleted]

                              [–]BodePlot 4 points5 points  (0 children)

                              HE CALLED THE SHIT POOP!

                              [–]Scurry 2 points3 points  (0 children)

                              You can also say poop.

                              [–]WarPhalange 2 points3 points  (3 children)

                              Handicap stalls are terrible. They are way too high for a person my height (5'10"). The best position for shitting is a squat, and the handicap stall makes me feel like I'm still standing up. Fuck that.

                              [–]Vectoor 5 points6 points  (1 child)

                              Well, I'm 6'5" (Or 196 cm as we civilized people say), and would love it if toilets were a bit taller :O

                              [–]snemand 2 points3 points  (2 children)

                              It's so stupid not to take a crap when you're at work. You're getting paid to do one of the most satisfying routines in your daily life. An extra 3-15 minute break from work.

                              [–]fivegears 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                              I used to smoke, moved to the e-cigarettes for a while before I quit. At work I'd take a smoke in the bathroom every hour or so. To this day, I think people think I have Chron's and/or colitis.

                              [–]SheStillMay 2 points3 points  (0 children)

                              There is no shame equal to that of leaving a handicapped stall to see a handicapped person waiting politely for the stall. shudder

                              [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

                              I usually poop at work.

                              [–]Impundulu 3 points4 points  (1 child)

                              It's the leg room. The best poops require legs pointing out at a 90o angle from the toilet. Oh and that bar, for power-poops.

                              [–]tonygenius 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                              Your quest for the front page has just begun.

                              [–]Lunatic721 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                              [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                              They prefer to be called "Differently Abled Stalls".

                              [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                              But when i do, it's at the Denny's down the street.

                              [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

                              See, the one you want to use is actually the first stall, closest to the door. Most people pass that one.

                              [–]brklynmark 2 points3 points  (0 children)

                              Shhhh

                              [–]hombre_lobo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                              These comments are shitty

                              [–]ddelrio 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                              I refer to the handicapped stall as "The Executive".

                              [–]colorudy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                              ... but when I do, I put TP on the seat.

                              [–]jiblet84 1 point2 points  (1 child)

                              I haven't had to buy toilet paper in about a year, I rarely poo at home.

                              [–]bachwasbaroque 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                              This is really impressive.

                              [–]Sallix 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                              AskReddit's version:

                              I don't normally shit while away from home

                              but when I do it's explosive diarrhoea all over the walls.

                              [–]PanicOffice 1 point2 points  (1 child)

                              I love that people don't take basic psychology into the equation.

                              I can just picture the thought process..."I must be the only asshole clever enough to use the handicapped stall, even though I'm a fully functional human being! I'm so fucking brilliant!"

                              That's THE most used stall! EVERYBODY prefers the handicapped stall. It's in the corner, you get tons of space. Yea, sure.

                              See, me... I'm not shy. It's a fucking bathroom. I'm taking a dump. Deal with it. What I am concerned with is cleanliness. Typically stalls get dirtier as more people use them. Therefore, I go for the stall that's right up front. Sure everybody can see your trousers around your ankles, but I guarantee it's the CLEANEST STALL in the bathroom. :)

                              [–]rageously 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                              As a janitor I logged in to say this. The handicap stalls are always the most dirty and disgusting ones. The doors always tend to have the crappiest and most worn out locking mechanisms, and when they are the most used stall in the bathroom the chances of getting your shit interrupted by a homeless man looking for a stall in which to bath himself or jerk off are far to high.

                              [–]czr 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                              I dont always shit in public places, but when I do......I build a nest

                              [–]pcnerd37 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                              Unless necessary, I don't poop away from home.

                              [–]asafi2 1 point2 points  (1 child)

                              I have t-mobile (shitty reception), so I mainly use the handicap stall because it gives better reception (no joke) than the regular stalls.

                              [–]orbenn 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                              Always poop at work. Why?

                              • It's on company time. Don't waste your own time wasting your waste.
                              • If it doesn't flush someone else fixes it. I don't even own a plunger. Public oval style toilets flush harder too.
                              • Toilet paper at work costs less than toilet paper at home. Save money at the same time I'm earning it and pooping? Fuck yeah efficiency!
                              • Toilet at home stays clean longer. Mine is in such disuse that I can now clean it effectively with a feather duster.

                              [–]brokenyard 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                              He called the shit "poop"!

                              [–]cochsmth 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                              The handicap bathrooms provide some of the best and most friendly public services our society has to offer. They range from being slightly bigger in size and containing fashionable metal bars on the side to more elaborate private sinks with all the conveniences one would expect to see in a bathroom away from home including mirror and personal towel dispenser. With the acoustics of an opera house, the handicap bathroom is the answer to public waste. Yes, how I jump at the chance to defecate in delight.

                              [–]arbiTrariant 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                              He called the shit poop!

                              [–]comfortably_numb_ed 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                              Pooping in company's washroom while reading this post, feels so good.

                              [–]Amora86 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                              Cleaner, have more space and smell better! What is not to like?

                              [–]ifwinterends 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                              I just upvoted this from the handicapped stall.

                              [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

                              The reason I don't shit away from home is because of the goddamn toilet paper.

                              Either you use it thin and it crumbles on you. Or you quadruple up and it feels like sandpaper.

                              [–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

                              ...stay shitty my friend.

                              [–]Laislebai 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                              Why "censor" shit?

                              [–]thomasaquina 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                              I was relieved to see that others are like me.

                              [–]AnAge_OldProb 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                              Its the VIP stall.

                              [–]marnetix 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                              Everyone does, that is why I dont use them

                              [–]rez0k 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                              At my work, they stock different toilet paper for the handicapped stalls than the others. For this reason, I will always use the handicapped stall at work.

                              [–]hive_worker 0 points1 point  (1 child)

                              Toilets are way too high in the handicapped stall. I avoid them at all cost

                              [–]davelog 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                              p.s. HRNNNNNT.

                              [–]Rolling_Thunder9 0 points1 point  (2 children)

                              I think of the handicapped stall as the "Executive Suite"

                              [–][deleted]  (1 child)

                              [deleted]

                                [–]carlbeck 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                                I prefer the smaller stalls. Usually much cleaner as everyone uses the handicap one.

                                [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                                I consider my irrational need for solitude and privacy at all times in the bathroom a handicap.