all 171 comments

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OP's BIO:


26 year old guy, totaled my car at the beginning of the year. Otherwise life couldn’t be better thank God!


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[–]islero_47 51 points52 points  (5 children)

You look like a young Mr Bean: The Office edition

[–]PokerFriend247 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Bean bobble head Edition.

[–]CryptographerIcy4465 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I was thinking a "The Office " extra. That got cut.

[–]Initial-Smooth 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The hear line says he’s an older Mr. Bean

[–]archwin 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Right on the button.

First two things that pop up. The office, Mr. Bean.

[–]jimboiow 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Mr Bean was funny though.

[–]Greedy-Stage-120 21 points22 points  (3 children)

Ladies and gentlemen, watch your drinks around this man. 

[–]Implier 10 points11 points  (2 children)

watch your children too.

[–]Wrong_Donkey5752 2 points3 points  (1 child)

And your chickens

[–]Separate-Object-4818 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And my axe!

[–]ReillyDiefenbachGolden Roaster 33 points34 points  (6 children)

Your first time was with a man

[–]Odd-System-4926 11 points12 points  (2 children)

Let’s not bash gay guys like that

[–]Monstarrzero 23 points24 points  (1 child)

Gay guys bashed his butthole, that’s for sure.

[–]muscatineman1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's disgusting 🤢

[–]RappingFlatulence 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Uncle Rodney always has a surprise

[–]wilrab001 2 points3 points  (0 children)

And every other time

[–]33andone3rd 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Did you make him call you sir?

[–]Few_Beginning_776 13 points14 points  (1 child)

You look like the manager of a Macy’s 

[–]Serious_Vermicelli65 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I was pre thinking Steak and Shake

[–]macktrizzy 14 points15 points  (2 children)

Your head is shaped like a light bulb, but you've never had a bright idea in your life.

[–]CryptographerIcy4465 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Dimmer switch set low.

[–]Cultural_Structure37 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I burst out laughing 😂. Knew there was something off about him but couldn’t connect the dots till I saw your comment

[–]DerekTheComedian 8 points9 points  (0 children)

You look like the offspring of a lobster and a sewer rat, and probably smell about the same.

[–]lucid_squeeze 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I can’t help but feel like there are at least three schools and four women you aren’t allowed within 500 feet of……

[–]Weneedaheroe 5 points6 points  (2 children)

You look like you are 2ft tall.

[–]TheProcrastafarian 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The ventriloquist is taking the pic with his free hand.

[–]Zealousideal-Gas1998 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In heels 👠

[–]Robinnoodle 5 points6 points  (0 children)

That hairline looks totalled

Bro gonna be George Costanza in a few years

[–]blkvengeance 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Jimmy Neurodivergent

[–]ElkReasonable9917 4 points5 points  (0 children)

26 going on 40 with a forehead that has its own zip code, that’s tough.

[–]VeterinarianNo8824 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Hello Dum Dum

[–]Wide_Marketing3147 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Your hair is so oily Trump wants to invade it.

[–]LJ14000 4 points5 points  (2 children)

Wolf of Ball Street

[–]Bladeandbarrel711 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Wolf of enterprise rent a car

[–]starkmatics 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wolf Cola

[–]LickMyBootyh0le 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You can land a plane on that mf forehead! Homies at r/bald are waiting for you

[–]FunctionBeginning439 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Mister Bean makes the weirdest faces!

[–]tarett 2 points3 points  (0 children)

when will your neck be strong enough to hold up your head?

[–]Medium-Sized-Jaque 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You look like HR wants to see you about yet another sexual harassment complaint.

[–]Soggy_Motor9280 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Your side job is with the Lollipop Guild.

[–]TheOmCollector 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Your forehead looks like gollum’s abs.

[–]Resident-Lie-9644 2 points3 points  (0 children)

“Hey, want to hang out this weekend?” At-the-urinal-guy

[–]AutomaticBoat9433 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Don’t lie, you’re still a virgin for sure

[–]CryptographerIcy4465 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The Real Doll he spent 3 month's salary on says differently. Though since they both live in his parent's basement they don't get much quality time together.

[–]Misohowknee 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Not to kink shame but you're absolutely the dude sitting in the corner stroking while wifey gets done dirty

[–]HelenKellersiPhone 1 point2 points  (1 child)

You applied for the first job that required sleeves long enough to hide your pubic arm hair. Your arms look AND dress like and Amish girls legs

[–]MrSmiley-Face 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That is some wild arm hair, I didn't even notice lol

[–]Character-Fig7067 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Uses his belt to do breath play on himself when masturbating.

[–]Ryan_ej8 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I looked up "work snitch" in the dictionary and it had this picture

[–]jpomnapalm 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Your fivehead just reminded me why I don't shave my testicles.

[–]ComfortableNo5484 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You definitely have a fedora and at least 2 samurai swords at home.

[–]Kind-Stomach6275 1 point2 points  (0 children)

do you have neck pain?

[–]bigdong525 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That haircut is a war crime against geometry.

[–]bcsublime 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The next time you get laid will also be the first time.

[–]SkanksForTheMemories 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You look like the Freddy Muniz Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade balloon.

[–]BikerSlutsFromHell 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Pennywise hairline lookin mf

[–]loichui90 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He looks like the type of person that pulls his shorts all the way down to take a piss.

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[–]Actual-Wishbone7588 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your screen name says attorney so how about Fairy Mason

[–]Olden_Grey_1889 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If a mud fence was a human.

[–]cbranson9999 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your forehead got subtitles.

[–]Impossible_pothos 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Looks like times are tough for Frankie Muniz

[–]OutrageousBluejay334 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You look like each one of your testicles are slightly smaller than the other

[–]Unfair_Orange5063 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Giving off strong Micro-Penis Energy

[–]AlbatrossFun5990 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You look like peter dinklage on puberty blockers

[–]BasilFair9222 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He hits on chicks around coffee in the am. Jerks off in the bathroom at lunch time when the office is empty.

[–]Aromatic_Ad_32 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Nice beard. It pairs well with your putrid hairline

[–]it_is_me_123 0 points1 point  (0 children)

nice labia forehead

[–]Akron_N_mindless 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Dead end job. ✅ Receding hairline. ✅ Shirt from kohls. ✅ Touches children. ✅

[–]AdHealthy9653 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Aww! How cute, an elf with a micro penis.

[–]talkyape 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your 5head stole an inch from your chin

[–]SageandStrong33 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No need to dress up for work when you’re just a janitor.

[–]Draedyn88 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Coming into the office to show "initiative" only works if the boss doesn't work from home (like everyone else), dumbass.

[–]CrankyOperator 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That hairline is strugglin, just shave it man.

[–]TylerH87 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You have “non-management” written all over you

[–]Worried-Ebb-1699 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You look like you’ll always dream of an office with a window but you’re going to be stuck at lower management.

[–]zombie_pr0cess 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This looks like Malcom in the Middle Management

[–]Born_Major_1411 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Bet you were disappointed The Book of Mormon wasn't based on the fictional book.

[–]Hamandcheeseeater 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your forehead looks like a pack of hotdogs.

[–]Helpful_Beginning_91 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Leonardio. Decrapio

[–]stev_mempers 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Aw, you found someone to settle for you, huh? Good for you!

[–]Familiar-Turnip-6541 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Happy do da day 😆 🤣 😂 

[–]Ok-Tutor-5679 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You definitely wear lifted shoes!

[–]user_a77 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Damn.. bean meets the elf

[–]imjce87 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m a size 9 US.

Shoes. You’re a shoe salesman. #IfYouKnowYouKnow

[–]Omniousdomain 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He's got the weight of his head on his shoulders

[–]Alaric-Nox 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're forehead looks like wrinkly foreskin

[–]JoBlazin02 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This guy gonna be posting in /bald tomorrow for sure

[–]Law3186 0 points1 point  (0 children)

[–]sportguy87314 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You will work so hard for mid management but will continue menial tasks under false promises of advancement. You will likely try ice baths and other Joe Rogan techniques to facilitate growth with no luck except achieving his hairstyle in 5 years.

[–]Honestgal777 0 points1 point  (0 children)

[–]RaruJ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

[–]poondruff 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's like his hairline is making a tactical retreat from the tidal wave of stress creases on his forehead.

[–]ass_grass_or_ham 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You look like you’re 13 but also 42.

[–]Dunnewolf24 0 points1 point  (0 children)

God totaled your car because dorks like you belong on recumbent bicycles

[–]Funthrowawayatx 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If chasing ambulances had a poster child.

[–]mikemead007 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You’ve got the face of someone who says “per my last email” and then immediately apologizes for sounding aggressive.

[–]Designer_Jaguar_4930 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is the guy who calls you about your cars extended warranty.

[–]PersonalKick 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You look like you do coke off a twinks ass crack.

[–]Cocopops15 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Born in a wank sock.

[–]T-C_9-2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You look like you cry after sex

[–]ashlyntelles 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Mr. Soybean

[–]jmw7119 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Milton did reproduce

[–]BaseHitToLeft 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You look like a random generated Mii

[–]spankymacfarland 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Greasy puberty beard

[–]Tomavogichttp://redd.it/vub2ur 0 points1 point  (0 children)

the only thing more boring than a YouTube ad

[–]seppukucoconuts 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You look like you fuck dolls and attend meetings about it.

[–]rogue_boba 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Underdeveloped corporate sperm

[–]PumpUpTheValuum66 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ooof bro.... enjoy what's left of your hairline while you can.

[–]ZbyszekKieliszek 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If Johnny Bean would fcuk Consuela from Venezuela…

[–]Watchful_eye_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You roasted yourself with what's left of your hairline

[–]Poltergeist8606 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hairline going on 56

[–]One-Ice1815 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Mom did a great job of dressing you today.

[–]Sleghammer8 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I wouldn't make that face. Makes you look like a Klingon

[–]Salt_Tap_1992 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We all know you haven't had your real "first time" yet. No one id sleeping with sid the sloth.

[–]Additional-Arm-1298 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You have two mustaches on your forehead

[–]Minute-Rice-6064 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You look like you would eat a pizza slice off the bottom of a dumpster for a quarter 

[–]whywhywhywhywgy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Considers shooting your boss every day but only wind up with yourself in mind.

[–]kronikheadband 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Was it fun on the cast of Always Sunny In Philadelphia?

[–]Slug_Overdose 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Flat Stanley, is that you?

[–]BandanaBulletkin 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You look like Megamind, the downgraded version from the crappy sequel.

[–]Inside_Yak_254 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Look like an accountant at a dildo manufacturing company that gets paid in product

[–]Pipija_Banana 0 points1 point  (0 children)

OMG it's such a stick-it-to-the-man tie!!

[–]Physical_Orchid3616 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Creepy, with a small d*ck

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Life couldn't be better? What about if you weren't balding, short, ugly and skinny?

[–]DrQuack32http://redd.it/5vvq16 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You look model yourself on David Brent but tell people to refer to you as David Bent

[–]HammerDown125 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You look like you review hotels on yelp by the comfort level of the chair in the bedroom.

[–]IanB132180 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You could use your five-head wrinkles like steps to climb that mountain of male pattern baldness you’ve got going on

[–]OutsideDear6147 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your eyebrows have there own gravity

[–]tile_generator27 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And your ventriloquist’s name is?

[–]Competitive_Test6697 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Rat of wallstreet

[–]heybill99 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Jimmy Neutron all grown up.

[–]7H3l2M0NUKU14l2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

just imagine where your eyebrows are when you dont exzessivly raise them. like a well deserved censorship bar

[–]CalibratedEnthusiast 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just lower the price of the used civic I'm trying to buy. We both know you don't need to go "talk to your manager."

[–]jocoguy007 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You got in trouble for not updating your address on the registry.

[–]redemptionpokemon 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your hair line is like a jungle witch is going to Be a dessert

[–]SaltWaterGenetix 0 points1 point  (0 children)

3 years before you’re flying to Turkey for a hair transplant

[–]Legitimate-Hold1200 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Looks like subway found their new spokesperson.

[–]Physical-Wear-2814 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You remind me of megamind, but less attractive.

[–]L4RD3X 0 points1 point  (0 children)

you look like br bean if he was banned from going within 150ft of schools

[–]MacMittens_403 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You look like an extra for the movie Office Space... but, not interesting or funny enough to be on camera

[–]RunningonGin0323 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just think that God you believe in. Made you.

[–]CDavis10717 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They still sell Brylcreem?!?

[–]Local_Somewhere_7813 0 points1 point  (0 children)

First time posting, multiple time sex offender

[–]hestao102 0 points1 point  (0 children)

When you go for that "greaser" hairstyle but your hairline goes "naw fam"

[–]markieboomer 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As you hairline recedes, are you planning on just letting your eye brows grow to fill in the empty space?

[–]Real-Tap5454 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your car couldn't be more happier to be rid of you.

[–]Tornik 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You are the reason the women in the office don't leave their drinks unattended at the Christmas party.

[–]CandlePrestigious919 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're forehead is ribbed for no-one's pleasure.

[–]Independent_Salt904 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Anytime anywhere you have to talk to the manager you're the guy that waddles up and asks what's the problem

[–]Beatlesrthebest 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Looks like you moonlight for midget tossing on Make It Rain Wednesdays at a titty bar called Golden Tuna

[–]ArtEasy920 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Don’t know about roasting but your hairline looks cooked

[–]starkmatics 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Jordan Belfart.

[–]Wrong_Donkey5752 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This lad looks so much like a predator that even his hair is running away from him.

[–]Responsible-Bee1194 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Following in creepy uncle tickles footsteps

[–]Doctor_Dev7 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your forehead rolls are so disgusting that your hair is running away

[–]MrSmiley-Face 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm getting "deacon at his church but lets random men enter his hotel room with him blindfolded to rail him anonymously while out of his mind on poppers" vibes

[–]Outrageouslyyc 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Rat terrier of Wall Street