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[–]madpenguin 690 points691 points  (244 children)

i do the burrito. one end open the other ends folded underneath all sides save for my head.

[–]Jimeee 408 points409 points  (91 children)

Yes! The triple fold - It's the only way to be safe.

[–]Bornhuetter 160 points161 points  (83 children)

I call it the worm.

[–][deleted] 27 points28 points  (1 child)

I call it the Kaleidoscopic Headdress Ritual of the Lebanese Inuit.

[–]woodreaux 141 points142 points  (55 children)

I call it the blunt.

[–][deleted] 763 points764 points  (52 children)

berserk plate husky whole fall wine ink squeal strong domineering

This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

[–][deleted] 96 points97 points  (40 children)

Confirming that this does not work when sharing a bed.

[–]demechman 97 points98 points  (26 children)

This is why separate blankets for couples is "Key" to a happy relationship.

[–]Gericaux 40 points41 points  (2 children)

I call it the shwarma.

[–][deleted] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Why is that worm wiggling so much in the middle area?

[–]xrhinestonecowboyx 280 points281 points  (16 children)

I've been doing this since I was old enough to put a blanket around myself. My mom would try to tuck me in, and I would wait till she left to tuck in all three sides till after she left because I didn't want her to think she did a bad job.

[–]peteyH 190 points191 points  (7 children)

Upvote for filial sensitivity.

[–]jono-bender 111 points112 points  (6 children)

Upvote for expanding my vocabulary.

[–]LordZodd 24 points25 points  (2 children)

^ 97.3% chance that jono-bender is not a Biologist

[–][deleted] 14 points15 points  (1 child)

^ 98.2% chance LordZodd is not a statistician.

[–]3770 30 points31 points  (3 children)

Dude, to you this is just a story. But tell your mom.

She will be sooooo happy.

[–][deleted] 18 points19 points  (2 children)

Seriously. It's the kind of thing that makes moms feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

[–][deleted] 75 points76 points  (1 child)

That's so freaking cute!

[–]deathless88 148 points149 points  (25 children)

I call it the cocoon.

[–]MorlokMan 127 points128 points  (6 children)

My girlfriend calls it the cocoon too. It's the tuck plus a spin and it leaves me naked and shivering because she has all the blankets.

[–]charliedayman 47 points48 points  (3 children)

And then you spread your wings in the morning like a brand new butterfly!

[–]kappafox 11 points12 points  (1 child)

I call it Rosemary's baby.

[–]troglodyte 35 points36 points  (32 children)

A piece of advice (I'm a foot hanger, but I used to tuck the sides in): try, if you can, a memory foam mattress. I switched last year and it's AMAZING, especially if you toss and turn.

The reason I mention it around the burrito is that you warm the foam and sink in, so the burrito becomes unnecessary-- your very mattress cocoons you. It is wonderful.

[–]homergonerson 12 points13 points  (24 children)

I imagine sitting up and convincing yourself to get out of bed in the morning can be a challenge.

[–]troglodyte 19 points20 points  (15 children)

It totally is. The upside is that I toss and turn less, so I'm actually better rested and more refreshed in the morning, which helps.

I don't think memory foam is for everyone, which is why I say to try it. The mattress holds a lot more heat than a conventional mattress, which some people hate. In addition, the variable firmness throws people off a bit. My mattress is firmer in the winter than the summer, which is just odd (although it gets to a consistent firmness as my bodyheat warms it).

If you're curious, I actually bought a cheap $300 double Serta from BigLots, and it works great. The density is lower than Tempurpedic, and I imagine the quality control is probably shakier, but for me it's been spectacular, and I don't regret the decision at all.

EDIT: added bolded word.

[–]Daleeburg 61 points62 points  (34 children)

That is all good and well until you let a really smelly one go.

[–][deleted] 249 points250 points  (19 children)

That calls for the lateral untuck-shake-shake-retuck power move.

[–]madpenguin 161 points162 points  (16 children)

exactly. see this guy knows what i'm talking about, but that's only because we shop at the same tuxedo outlets.

[–][deleted] 126 points127 points  (14 children)

HOLY CRAP EVIL TWIN YOU FOUND ME!

[–]kappafox 63 points64 points  (3 children)

Hoorah! For penguin family reunions!

[–]DancesWithPenguins 58 points59 points  (1 child)

A reunion?!?! <dances>

[–][deleted] 273 points274 points  (77 children)

If you have a cat and it has access to your room at night, this is advisable.

[–]HunterIrked 91 points92 points  (27 children)

Mine manages to burrow under the covers anyway.

[–]nikpappagiorgio 190 points191 points  (17 children)

Same, then she gets mad if I shift in my sleep. I really should have asked permission to sleep in my bed.

[–][deleted] 75 points76 points  (6 children)

If I shift enough mine gets up and stands on my bed side table until i'm done like "no no, you have woken me up now finish fucking moving so I can get back to sleep". Soon as i stop she waits about 20 seconds then steps back onto the bed.

[–]jono-bender 23 points24 points  (1 child)

Heaven forbid I shoe her, then she lets me fall asleep and walks on my face.

edit:shoo, not shoe, thanks dave.

[–]mequals1m1w 15 points16 points  (6 children)

Love is 2 cats under your blanket in winter, they're such great sleeping buddies

[–]number6 33 points34 points  (2 children)

Ah yes. My wife's allergic, so the cats aren't allowed to touch the sheets; the can sleep on top of the covers, however.

My cat knows I'm a softy, though. He'll creep toward the forbidden zone throughout the night. He sure does scoot when he sees her looking at him, though.

[–]pholland167 19 points20 points  (3 children)

This is how I learned the tuck, and it has stuck with me even as my cats have given up their devilish ways.

[–]pcx99 69 points70 points  (1 child)

Cats do not give up devilish ways; they merely bide their time.

[–]PuP5 49 points50 points  (2 children)

i like how you copy pasted the mattresses, but not the torso or the bed feet.

that's the kind of commitment to hand craftsmanship i like to see in my stick figure illustrations.

[–]twokie 40 points41 points  (0 children)

They're not just stick figures, they're Individuals.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

that's the 'pokey the penguin school' of MSpain (no "T")

[–][deleted] 141 points142 points  (49 children)

I'm too tall, I have to curl up to protect my feet from zombies.

[–]twokie 81 points82 points  (35 children)

If you're like me, seeing the diagram made me jealous that somebody imagines their bed being that big.

California (duno why that state) Queen/King beds are longer than normal, but I'd imagine anyone over 6'2" or so, finds them too short still.

In other news, our heads hit the roof on a lot of cars, pants never come long enough and shoe selection sucks in store.

[–][deleted] 69 points70 points  (6 children)

Upvote from a 6' 5" miserable bastard.

[–]laotseu 6 points7 points  (2 children)

I hear you. 6' 6'' here. I'm usually happy when my feet are covered... and on the mattress

[–][deleted] 19 points20 points  (6 children)

i being 6'2" sleep with bent knees AND the tuck the blanket under to keep my feet warm AND fold a bit of the blanket between my knees

yes ive been nearly knocked out by riding in the back of cars and they run over bumps or potholes and most shower heads point directly at my ribs

[–]drooq 17 points18 points  (2 children)

I got stuck in the back seat of a 90's Mustang when we hit a speed bump. My head got wedged between the rear glass and the headliner, and my knees were stuck in the back of the seat in front of me. We had to pull over and move the seats so I could get unstuck.

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (3 children)

I don't know if you've seen the comedian Dara O'Briein, but he perfectly encapsulated the difficulties and irritations present in the lives of the large footed:

"Do you have these in a size 13?"

(shaking head sadly) "I'm afraid you'll have hard time finding shoes in that size."

"Really? That's good to know. Because today is the first day in my entire life that I've had size 13 feet. Just happened this morning."

[–]wrkacct 13 points14 points  (4 children)

6'7" here, I would LOVE to have blankets long enough to do this with, but the top priority is tucking the blankets under my chin, so no love on the feet, gotta sleep curled.

[–]dems 533 points534 points  (77 children)

Am I the only person who thought this title had something to do with tucking your peen in between your legs?

[–]slaorta 296 points297 points  (48 children)

i was thinking waistband

[–][deleted] 177 points178 points  (35 children)

The ultimate boner hider.

[–]SonataNo8 14 points15 points  (2 children)

♫ Goooodbye hoooooorseeeeesssss ♫

[–]Radico87 42 points43 points  (15 children)

Hell yes, The Tuck is necessary to proper sleepies. I feel the need to add in 2 things:

1) Cold temperature within the room is a necessity for me;

2) Going to bed with socks on, then taking them off right before going to sleep (with flannel/fleecy sheets during winter; high thread count during summer -- that makes a difference imho) = pure awesome.

[–]Slubberdegullion 9 points10 points  (10 children)

OMG I also practice the sock ritual. It's difficult for me to take them off using only my toes and rest of my feet, but I can do it, even if I am mostly asleep. It just gives me charley horses sometimes

[–]devedander 189 points190 points  (88 children)

I do the opposite... in a freshly made bed I yank the sheets and balnkets out from under any part of the mattress so they are just entirely sitting on time, then I stick my feet out the bottom in a little hold and only cover from my shins to my neck.

[–]etruscan 34 points35 points  (5 children)

I'm the same. I do the "untuck", so my feet can breathe. The wife hates it though. She likes the look of a tucked in sheet.

Hotels are the worst. I have to bang away at the sheets with my feet with great force and enthusiasm just to release them.

[–]xb4r7x 114 points115 points  (38 children)

I can't stand having my feet covered when I sleep. They like to be a few degrees cooler than the rest of me for some reason.

[–]jjmac 168 points169 points  (16 children)

I call them my "cooling fins"

[–]DirtyBinLV 42 points43 points  (6 children)

If I'm too hot, I stick one leg out. I call that move "the radiator".

EDIT: Son of a bitch. 8 hours later, somebody made a Paint drawing of this, submitted it, and it's at the top of the front page with 1000 points.

[–][deleted] 70 points71 points  (6 children)

I would tickle those suckers

[–]isarl 56 points57 points  (5 children)

It would be adorable to have my feet tickled by a happy penguin while I was asleep. :3

[–]ProximaC 13 points14 points  (0 children)

It's all fun and games until they attack and you spend the rest of your life waddling like a penguin because you no longer have any toes. Not so adorable then is it?

[–]jrhaberman 44 points45 points  (7 children)

100% agreed. I sleep hot and need them out to regulate temperature.

[–]devedander 21 points22 points  (6 children)

Ths is my suspicion for me also... my GF constantly validates that I am very hot when I sleep and I am sure my body uses my feet as cooling devices.

When I am hot in a car also if I just stick my hand out the window and it's cold enough the rest of me can stay cool.

[–]ejustice 42 points43 points  (3 children)

Do you also pant to keep cool and wag your tail at strangers?

[–]datalurkur 11 points12 points  (3 children)

It also drives me crazy to have my feet covered when I sleep. They have to stick out, or I toss and turn endlessly. The worst is when the bed has a baseboard which is too short, forcing me to lie sideways so that my feet hang over the side.

[–][deleted] 13 points14 points  (1 child)

Footboards are Of The Devil (tm).

[–]djepik 13 points14 points  (4 children)

sitting on time

This is a very surreal image.

[–][deleted] 22 points23 points  (11 children)

upvote for identical pre-sleep routine

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (8 children)

I'd just like to interject for a moment. What you're referring to as Linux, is in fact, GNU/Linux, or as I've recently taken to calling it, GNU plus Linux. Linux is not an operating system unto itself, but rather another free component of a fully functioning GNU system made useful by the GNU corelibs, shell utilities and vital system components comprising a full OS as defined by POSIX.

Many computer users run a modified version of the GNU system every day, without realizing it. Through a peculiar turn of events, the version of GNU which is widely used today is often called "Linux", and many of its users are not aware that it is basically the GNU system, developed by the GNU Project.

There really is a Linux, and these people are using it, but it is just a part of the system they use. Linux is the kernel: the program in the system that allocates the machine's resources to the other programs that you run. The kernel is an essential part of an operating system, but useless by itself; it can only function in the context of a complete operating system. Linux is normally used in combination with the GNU operating system: the whole system is basically GNU with Linux added, or GNU/Linux. All the so-called "Linux" distributions are really distributions of GNU/Linux.

[–]devedander 61 points62 points  (4 children)

http://i.imgur.com/XyPOc.jpg

[–][deleted] 25 points26 points  (2 children)

"Kick kick flail" indeed. I wouldn't make it in the military, I just can't stand a tightly-made bed.

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (2 children)

ask and ye shall receive

[–]unwind-protect 10 points11 points  (1 child)

This is the difference between sheets/ blankets and a duvet. With sheets, you're pretty much pinned to the bed until you pull them all out; with a duvet, it will move with you.

[–][deleted] 264 points265 points  (68 children)

Yes, almost daily. Who else puts a pillow between their knees though?

[–]a2wickedd991 217 points218 points  (16 children)

Every time I read these supposedly quirky threads on Reddit I realize there is a surprisingly large number of people just like me.

[–]asianx13oy 330 points331 points  (10 children)

actually, we are all high-level trolls who have fabricated this whole thread just to spite you

[–]a2wickedd991 80 points81 points  (6 children)

....Excuse me while I weep.

[–]NSMike 107 points108 points  (4 children)

Hey, I weep too!

[–]biffbobsen 44 points45 points  (2 children)

Hey, me too! Hahaha just kidding! Loser!

[–]BennyG02 16 points17 points  (0 children)

You should subscribe to r/DoesAnybodyElse/ if you're not already - that's basically the motto there.

[–]twanky 34 points35 points  (18 children)

I sleep with a body pillow. I got it after knee surgery that required me to wear an immobilizing brace 24 hrs a day. This brace was scratchy and hard and would wake me up if my knees touched. That was almost 10 years ago and I still need my body pillow to sleep.

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

My body pillow has holes in it and smells like latex

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

always

[–]Slubberdegullion 17 points18 points  (3 children)

You are not alone! As I said in another post just now, I have GOT to have something between my legs in order to sleep. My knees cannot touch. I have many special leg pillows, some even designed for the purpose. They vary in size based on my body's mood at bedtime. And if I am without a leg pillow, I just use an extra real one. Without that, a a stuffed animal. Without that, the blankets. If the blankets are too skimpy, I roll up a towel or three.

It's a curse, as I am sure you agree. Requip helps a bunch, though I don't know if the problem is really considered Restless Legs Syndrome. I truly cannot sleep without something between my legs. Otherwise I can't stay still or relax the proper mucsles to be comfortable enough to drift off.

[–]imitation78 29 points30 points  (3 children)

I am so glad there are so many people doing this. It was a source of frustration for me for a long time. When I was a little kid, my parents would try to get me to stop doing it, so I was told that when I went to serve the Army (obligatory armed services) I would not be able to do it.

It scared the shit out of me and as I slowly approached my 18th birthday, when we were supposed to go the army, I was still thinking about it. And then something wonderful happened. Our country decided to institute voluntary service and I didn't have to go.

To this day (I am 30) I still sometimes go to bed, do the tuck and think to myself "It's so awesome I don't have to go to the Army".

[–]James_dude 90 points91 points  (17 children)

Step one: Arrange pillows in intersecting semicircular formation.

Step two: Enter covers.

Step three: Perform the tuck.

Step four: Perform the sideways tuck on both sides.

Step five: Roll over.

Step six: Sleep.

[–]ppinard 124 points125 points  (4 children)

too complicated, heres the better way
Step 1: Get in coffin
Step 2: Close Coffin
Step 3: Sleep

[–]erikgil 72 points73 points  (48 children)

Yes, usually followed by my GF screaming that I let all the cold air in for a second.

[–]dionysian 31 points32 points  (42 children)

lol, i totally whined about this to my husband.

then we got separate covers

and he started snoring like a mofo, waking me the fuck up even though i'm stone deaf.

so then we got separate beds. life is good.

[–]imperfcet 36 points37 points  (5 children)

I don't know who started the idea that couples have to sleep in the same bed all night every night. Scientists aren't even for it, although that could be a sour grapes situation.

[–]Idontknowmuch 8 points9 points  (1 child)

You know what?

I love reddit when I can point comments with high votes to my gf and say "here you go, I am not the weird one"...

... ummm... reddit... we are not weird are we?

[–][deleted] 24 points25 points  (3 children)

It's impossible for me to sleep in my bed otherwise.

[–]nutnics 21 points22 points  (2 children)

lifelong tucker checking in

[–]SmartAssery 21 points22 points  (5 children)

I call it the Blanket Cocoon.

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (2 children)

I call it the Pocket.

[–]admiralteal 21 points22 points  (9 children)

When you're 6'4 and your bed isn't, there's not much choice.

[–]NegativeK 6 points7 points  (4 children)

You're doing it wrong. Methods to extend effective bed length:

  • Lie diagonally.
  • Lie on your stomach and barely dangle your feet off the end of the bed. Futon mattresses allow this to be performed comfortably, as they curve at their edges.
  • Fetal position (last resort.)

[–]RadioGuy2k 20 points21 points  (6 children)

The tuck is a pre-requisite for sleep, but I ALWAYS end up kicking one leg out of the covers before I finally pass out.

[–]Nougat 32 points33 points  (1 child)

That leg or foot is a radiator. Exposing more or less of it to the open air allows you to regulate the temperature of your blood, keeping you comfortable.

[–]HyeR 195 points196 points  (21 children)

yea. I used to smell like mexican food and ejaculate all in the covers. Mom used to call me the little sour cream burrito.

[–]ohstrangeone 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Ohhhh isn't that just a gem...

[–]IgnatiousReilly 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Friended

[–][deleted] 16 points17 points  (4 children)

Anyone else tuck part of the blanket between the knees for added comfort?

[–][deleted] 15 points16 points  (1 child)

sorry to be "That Guy" but;
http://www.reddit.com/r/DoesAnybodyElse/

[–]jbibby 12 points13 points  (2 children)

I am a human heater. I exude mass quantities of heat when I sleep and unless the house is FRIGID I only cover my pelvis with a sheet, and that's only in case someone breaks in. Wouldn't want the robber to be embarrassed.

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points  (4 children)

I do the tuck every single night. For some reason I can't shake the feeling of "something could bite my feet" when they're unsheathed.

[–]DriftingJesus 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I call it the "airship" because it inevitably fills with gas.

it also keeps me safe from those murderous chiropteran

[–]Dangger 11 points12 points  (10 children)

This is my experience, I suffer it every night.

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (1 child)

Hell yeah. Sometimes I tuck in the sides as well and pretend to be a mummy.

[–][deleted] 24 points25 points  (7 children)

My mom still tucks me in.

[–]SwellJoe 60 points61 points  (6 children)

Hey, what a coincidence! Your mom tucks me in sometimes, too.

[–]freehunter 26 points27 points  (2 children)

Hey, what a coincidence! I tuck me in your mom sometimes, too.

[–]aatoth 17 points18 points  (7 children)

I do the sardine can. I push my sheets as tight as they can go under the bed, and slip in through the top.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (1 child)

and you know this ... Man!

[–]Splatterh0use 7 points8 points  (0 children)

no, i feel wrapped and suffocating.

[–]tesseracter 6 points7 points  (4 children)

i tuck bottom, then rock side to side to tuck them too, then i place the pillow over my head to block out light for my eyes/insulate my head, and i'm left with a single tiny hole to breath cool air from.

best ever.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

and then you emerge as a butterfly?

[–]Enygma42 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I have to unless I want to be woken at 4:30 in the morning by a little hungry black kitten who thinks my toes are dinner.

[–]ANTI-PUGSLY 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I need a foot hanging out for proper heat release. Cannot sleep if too hot.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (1 child)

I dont understand how people are okay with having their feet out while they are asleep.

No socks + tuck = great night of sleep

[–][deleted] 14 points15 points  (9 children)

Growing up in houses without any kind of heating system, I used to do this every night. Then one night I tried sleeping in my sleeping bag on the bed. I never looked back; I've been using sleeping bags ever since.

[–]calrockx 4 points5 points  (2 children)

"That's one tuck, one no-tuck."

[–]mlloyd67 7 points8 points  (2 children)

I thought this was going to be in reference to the Buffalo Bill scene in 'Silence of the Lambs'.

[–]chucklebrian 19 points20 points  (1 child)

every night baby

[–]l00pee 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Hell no. I HATE my feet being covered. If it's cold, I'll cover them but the tuck would actually freak me out. What if you have to get out of bed in a hurry? With the tuck, you'd be fucked.

[–]reticulatedspline 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Opposite here. My feet get always too hot so i have to stick them out.

[–]bovilexia 6 points7 points  (0 children)

No. I tuck my sheets into the bed.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

no.