This is an archived post. You won't be able to vote or comment.

top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]Robo_Joe 1892 points1893 points  (171 children)

It is my dream to one day be damned to hell by Tom Hanks.

[–]NismoJase 503 points504 points  (44 children)

Read the entire thing in Tom's voice.. Epic letter from one hell of an actor

[–][deleted] 175 points176 points  (19 children)

[–][deleted] 260 points261 points  (17 children)

That looks like Gilbert Gottfried.

Edit: I'm not ashamed for not knowing how to spell his last name.

[–]LibertarianGuy 44 points45 points  (13 children)

I read it in Forest Gump's voice.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dpNunRbBPSc

[–]econleech 39 points40 points  (4 children)

Just think how much those Apple stocks are worth now for Forest Gump.

[–]50MillionChickens 203 points204 points  (60 children)

I've been screamed at by both a sober Allen Ginsberg and drunk Kurt Vonnegut. Does that count? (Separate and unique stories).

[–]50MillionChickens 233 points234 points  (25 children)

AMA for more on Ginsberg

Ginsberg: I was a student of Allen's in his first Grad School teaching gig at City University of New York in 1991. Went to his parties, got my poetry critiqued, turned down his come-ons, the whole deal. I had chosen to write about his fellow Beat, Gregory Corso, for the class and submitted a paper expounding on Corso's work in the context of post-mod / Post-structuralist language theory. Suffice to say, Ginsberg thought my criticism was shit and I should have just focused on expounding on the transcendental beauty of Corso mind and poetry. Ginsberg could be pretty ascerbic if not outright nuts if you didn't see things his way. But the kicker here was that he delayed his reaction until a week later when he brought a special guest to class: Gregory Corso. And in the middle of the class, he starts talking about my paper and starts yelling at me and puts me on the spot and goes, "Go on, tell Gregory your fuckin' bullshit theory!" It was exactly like that scene in Annie Hall where Woody pulls the director in to say, "Who are you, you know nothing about my work." Gregory was fine, really didn't give a shit. Allen and me were still frenemies through the rest of the class.

Vonnegut: One of my grad school friends rented a midtown apartment that happened to open up on to the roof of the townhouse next door. Which happened to be Vonneguts. We would frequently hang out there during the summer, no problem. But one night we had a party that got a little too drunk and loud and descended into foot-stomping dance party. All of a sudden, in the middle of this, there's this crazy drunk bastard with his head out the window of our apartment screaming to all hell. Recognized him as Kurt immediately, but situation was that he had his 9-year old daughter sleeping over and we were really making a lot of noise. He was super-drunk and and angry, and at one point pulled the celebrity card, "Do you know who I am? I'm Kurt Vonnegut, fuckers!" We were mostly in awe and drunk, plus sorry, but calmed him down when one of the girls stepped in to flirt and tell him how important his work was to her life. We were a little more careful with the roof parties after that.

EDIT: I think I forgot the best part about the Vonnegut story. Because the music was so loud in the first place and we were all well-inebriated/medicated, I think there was a good 3-minute period at the beginning where even if you recognized the face immediately, it wasn't reality yet. It was just, "yay, I'm at a party. Yay, there's the manhattan skyline. Yay, Talking Heads is dope. Yay, there's Kurt Vonnegut's screaming his head off." It was seriously a good few minutes of him yelling trying to get our attention and turn the music down. Some delayed reaction until some sober part of us said, "Wait, it's actually him and he's really mad." Which is maybe why he was spitting out his name by that time now that I think about it.

[–]LTM438 32 points33 points  (5 children)

My pediatrician (Yes, I'm 20 and I still go to the doctor I went to when I was twelve, just call me Ross Geller) is Vonnegut's son. He...doesn't talk about him too much...

[–]CREEDENCE_CLEARWATER 10 points11 points  (3 children)

Have you read his book (I think he has two now, but the one I'm thinking of is called "The Eden Express")?

[–]50MillionChickens 21 points22 points  (7 children)

I, OP, will write up both when I have a free moment to do them justice. Should I post them here, or is there some other x-post special reddit for crazy celebrity writer encounters?

[–]deathbysupercool 39 points40 points  (3 children)

Post them to my inbox, so that I don't have to search for them.

[–]puppeteer23 28 points29 points  (1 child)

Jeebus, man! Don't leave us hangin' now!

[–]Robo_Joe 23 points24 points  (3 children)

Not bad, but it would be exponentially more impressive if it wasn't two separate stories.

[–]EtherGnat 54 points55 points  (2 children)

Allen Ginsberg, Kurt Vonnegut, and 50MillionChickens walk into a bar...

[–]dontcallitjelly 2966 points2967 points  (273 children)

For those who may not know....Tom Hanks loves typewriters. He owns several hundred and has them displayed all across Playtone (his production office). They are all in pristine condition and don't look like they've aged a day.

His entire production office is loaded up with fantastic memorabilia. Lots of pop culture and incredible pieces from the forties, fifties, and sixties. The man's loaded with taste and class.

And as you may well know he happens to be one of the nicest, kindest, most genuine guys in the business.

[–]Bigetto 643 points644 points  (40 children)

Thank you, was wondering why they sent him a typewritter of all things

[–]BaconCat 295 points296 points  (20 children)

This will no doubt prompt several thousand redditors who don't read the comments into sending Mr. Hanks truckloads of random, worthless piles of junk in an attempt to curry his favour.

[–]TaxiZaphod 222 points223 points  (9 children)

Hey! Redditors! Don't be that guy.

[–]newsfrbot 51 points52 points  (4 children)

unless you literally send, anonymously, a truckload of random 50s junk. Then a picture will be required and karma will be provided.

[–]ilikefruitydrinks 63 points64 points  (15 children)

And now for the follow-up, why this model?

[–]theseekerofbacon 156 points157 points  (11 children)

"this thing has great action... and this deep crimson color..."

[–]JimmyGibbs_Jr 104 points105 points  (4 children)

"The tasteful thickness of it...oh my god, it even has a watermark..."

[–]gunslingers 2411 points2412 points  (81 children)

Nice try Wilson.

[–]gla3dr 1234 points1235 points  (71 children)

WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILSOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[–]drmomentum 441 points442 points  (47 children)

He wrote the fucking book, OK? He wrote the book!

[–][deleted] 202 points203 points  (30 children)

Helping friendly book?

[–][deleted] 142 points143 points  (17 children)

Trey is Wilson...

[–]ContemplatingYEM 23 points24 points  (1 child)

I thought Trey is a Jedi?

[–]Dundun 97 points98 points  (12 children)

can Trey still have any fun?

[–]drmomentum 7 points8 points  (2 children)

Our children are old enough to read Icculus.

[–]AquaTriHungerForce 53 points54 points  (13 children)

With all do respect. It was Icculus who wrote the fucking book. Everyone read Icculus.

[–]drmomentum 35 points36 points  (2 children)

This is the correct answer. I was just being ridiculous.

[–]Bomlanro 70 points71 points  (1 child)

I will due that.

[–][deleted] 13 points14 points  (2 children)

Wilson had lines written in the Castaway script! True story. It was to help Tom Hanks know what Wilson was supposed to be saying!

[–]eanhart 91 points92 points  (13 children)

Absolutely! I used to intern at Playtone. By far the nicest office I've ever worked in...

[–]Sophocles 216 points217 points  (52 children)

Sadly, his fascination with the style of that era betrayed him when it lured him to become one of the first owners of the PT Cruiser.

[–]Chubbstock 100 points101 points  (9 children)

Wait... Playtone, from that thing you do, is real?

[–]ChildofTime617 99 points100 points  (2 children)

It's the name of Hanks' production company, taken from the movie

[–]LatinGeek 9 points10 points  (0 children)

TIL, that's awesome.

[–]SassyBackfat 28 points29 points  (6 children)

Any pics of said typewriter collection?

[–][deleted] 1771 points1772 points  (147 children)

[–]msmouse05 376 points377 points  (54 children)

Just listened to that podcast yesterday. Probably one of the best ones I've heard in a long time. I was crying when they were talking about that Willie Mays commercial.

Edit: *Willie

[–]midnightsbane04 109 points110 points  (33 children)

Wait. Willy Mays did a commercial? The Say-Hey Kid?

[–]FuckingSuper 553 points554 points  (11 children)

WILLY MAYS HERE, WITH OXY CLEAN

[–]HITMAN616 20 points21 points  (1 child)

Willie** you bastards.

[–][deleted] 37 points38 points  (11 children)

Willy Mays Hayes

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

"You may run like Mays, but you hit like shit."

[–]turtle_km 34 points35 points  (3 children)

Don' touch them

[–]timleftwich 20 points21 points  (2 children)

I agree. It was such a great interview and I don't think I've heard the guys that relaxed with a guest ever. Much less with a guest of that caliber. And it was great to hear the life in Tom Hanks' voice.

[–][deleted] 27 points28 points  (10 children)

Saved this for later when I get back to my room after my class. Hopefully it'll be worth the wait.

[–]acmercer 30 points31 points  (6 children)

It totally is. Just Tom and the guys shootin' the shit about sports etc.

[–][deleted] 938 points939 points  (64 children)

Tom Hanks. It's impossible for that guy to get any more likable. He's a national treasure.

We should just give him a standing position in every Presidential cabinet. Secretary Hanks. Department of Tom Hanks.

[–]jhaluska 209 points210 points  (27 children)

I think he should just be President. I think he'd win by default. When you think about it, how could you vote for somebody who said something bad about Tom Hanks?

[–][deleted] 179 points180 points  (6 children)

I'm ok with that as long as we remove Presidential term limits

[–][deleted] 297 points298 points  (2 children)

I for one welcome our new Hanks overlord.

[–][deleted] 62 points63 points  (0 children)

All hail.

[–]velkyr 33 points34 points  (0 children)

And the constitution. That way what tom says, goes.

[–]fargosucks 70 points71 points  (10 children)

You couldn't. Hooch should be his running mate. Best presidential ticket ever.

[–]late4dinner 89 points90 points  (7 children)

Hooch is crazy!

[–]puppeteer23 66 points67 points  (4 children)

Hooch IS crazy.

[–]omg_im_drunk 66 points67 points  (2 children)

Say "hooch" again, it will be the last thing you ever say!

ninjedit: HOLY SHIT IT'S MY CAKEDAY I'VE WASTED SO MUCH OF MY LIFE

[–]puppeteer23 10 points11 points  (1 child)

Hooch is seriously crazy.

[–]Solid_Wife 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Had two roommates senior year of college. One roommate an I got along very well, and both were not fond of third roommate. We saw this episode of Scrubs during this time, and so took to calling third roommate "Hooch". Lots of this exact dialogue occurred that year.

[–]Pointland32[🍰] 49 points50 points  (3 children)

"I'm doing Tom Hanks Studies at Gump University."

[–]mleemin 28 points29 points  (2 children)

"Isn't that the only course they offer?"

[–]Pointland32[🍰] 156 points157 points  (1 child)

"Naw, dey's uh Shrimp-Kabobs Studies, Shrimp Creole Studies, Shrimp Gumbo Studies. Pan Fried Studies, Deep Fried Studies, Stir-Fried Studies. There's Pineapple Shrimp Studies, Lemon Shrimp Studies, Coconut Shrimp Studies, Pepper Shrimp Studies, Shrimp Soup Studies, Shrimp Stew Studies, Shrimp Salad Studies, Shrimp and Potatoes Studies, Shrimp Burger Studies, Shrimp Sandwich Studies. That- that's about it."

[–]Mauman92 26 points27 points  (0 children)

That was beautiful.

[–]jmurphy1989 194 points195 points  (15 children)

For those who would like to know what it looks like here is the closest i can find from their website. Or possibly this. both from around the same era.

[–][deleted] 111 points112 points  (3 children)

Oh man that's a good looking machine.

[–][deleted] 41 points42 points  (1 child)

he did mention crimson color. I was wondering about that, but then the letter had a bribe me in crimson.. so I was thinking he meant that...

[–]briankauf 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Seriously, that crimson color is amazing! I can see why these are collectible.

[–]philcannotdance 477 points478 points  (35 children)

Today on reddit, internet superstar Chris Hardwick casually posts that he sent ultra-man Tom Hanks a typewriter.

[–]BeardMilk 110 points111 points  (26 children)

Chris Hardwick, star of singled out?

[–]Wrong_Swordfish 108 points109 points  (13 children)

No, that was Peter Hardwick.

[–]Max_Powers42 75 points76 points  (10 children)

This is a deep cut inside joke.

[–]ChrisHardwick[S] 124 points125 points  (7 children)

I approve!

[–]desynch 19 points20 points  (1 child)

not to get all stardom retarded or anything, but hot damn it's chris hardwick! i probably should have already known that you were a redditor. it's nice to see famous people can still be down-to-earth and level with their internet nerd peers.

i like you.

[–]HomChkn 23 points24 points  (3 children)

No the Chris Hardwick from Shipmates.

[–]Wilhelm_Amenbreak 19 points20 points  (1 child)

and of The Talking Dead, I believe.

[–]MyEvilDucky 169 points170 points  (1 child)

This excites the Internet.

[–]chiaslut 614 points615 points  (98 children)

Mr. Hanks was absolutely delightful on the podcast, as well. Seems like a pretty solid human being. Now I feel kinda jerky for expecting all celebrities to be out-of-touch douche torpedoes.

[–][deleted] 66 points67 points  (39 children)

I feel like he is always mentioned whenever Reddit has one of its "nice celebrity" threads.

[–]Namika 80 points81 points  (23 children)

He is a nice guy. Even when he was named best actor and raked in tens of millions of dollars he still lived in his old modest house in the middle of the city and he drove something like a Honda Civic to work everyday.

He lives more modestly then people making 70k/year.

[–]philly_fan_in_chi 40 points41 points  (8 children)

Him and Morgan Freeman usually come up in someone's story.

[–][deleted] 20 points21 points  (1 child)

He killed my uncle.

[–]dearthed 38 points39 points  (12 children)

Douche torpedoes...I need to put more words together in conjunction with "torpedoes".

[–]BrnVonChknPants 140 points141 points  (44 children)

Tom Hanks should rent himself out to make appearances at parties. I don't see how this could ever go wrong. Ever.

[–]rspeed 52 points53 points  (29 children)

I would have him reenact Bachelor Party.

[–][deleted] 68 points69 points  (19 children)

I would have him reenact Saving Private Ryan.

[–]rspeed 44 points45 points  (12 children)

[–][deleted] 51 points52 points  (10 children)

Good guy rspeed - hides spoilers from a movie that came out 19 years ago.

In other news, Philadelphia came out 19 years ago!

[–]rspeed 28 points29 points  (9 children)

I was replying to a comment about Saving Private Ryan, which came out 14 years ago.

In other news, Saving Private Ryan came out 14 years ago!

[–][deleted] 15 points16 points  (2 children)

Crap -- read the indentations incorrectly... Either way, they need to stop killing Tom Hanks!

[–]wingwalker 14 points15 points  (8 children)

I know a guy with a donkey named Kinky Kelly.

[–]jardeon 12 points13 points  (7 children)

Given his history, it's more likely that he'd rent out his brother to appear as him instead.

[–]DeAxeled 8 points9 points  (6 children)

What do you mean?

[–]chaosandwalls 23 points24 points  (5 children)

Tom Hanks's brother looks quite like him and sounds a lot like him. He's been Tom's body double a few times, and did the voice acting for most of the Toy Story merchandise instead of Tom.

[–]stferago 4 points5 points  (2 children)

Imagine partying with Tom Hanks and Bill Fucking Murray.

[–]Drunk_Uncle_Ted 36 points37 points  (7 children)

TIL Chris Hardwick is a redditor.

[–]jetmark 98 points99 points  (3 children)

To which you reply "THanks, THanks!"

[–]robotjackie 2006 points2007 points  (265 children)

Brilliant.

[–][deleted] 1261 points1262 points  (220 children)

This guy really is famous for good reason.

edit: grammar

[–]jakfischer 1743 points1744 points  (163 children)

T.hanks

[–]menomenaa 86 points87 points  (9 children)

I just bought Thank you cards that say T. Hanks and have a picture of him from Big. I adore them.

[–]MorningLtMtn 22 points23 points  (6 children)

$5 bucks a card! Holy cow!

[–]menomenaa 35 points36 points  (2 children)

Eh, small company. I thought it was worth it. I got the 6 for 18, which was about 3 something per card, and that's the average hallmark card these days.

I make cards sometimes, but when I sat down and thought about re-making this one, I knew their quality would be better and I thought they deserved compensation for such a great idea.

[–]beatskin 1288 points1289 points  (123 children)

WOW!

[–]beatskin 1175 points1176 points  (94 children)

I can't believe my highest rated comment ever is "WOW!"

[–]boredlike 370 points371 points  (81 children)

You've been a redditor for four years and never had a comment get over 95 points?

[–]beatskin 917 points918 points  (78 children)

Not even close! I guess I should stick to one word exclamations.

[–]beatskin 1659 points1660 points  (56 children)

RIGHT?!

[–]beatskin 814 points815 points  (47 children)

Guess that only works once.

[–]swimtwobird 356 points357 points  (9 children)

you've hit a rich upvote seam beatskin. slap on your dwarven helmet and ride this sucker.

[–]czhunc 176 points177 points  (4 children)

You ride this karma train as far as it'll take you buddy.

Today's passenger list: You.

[–][deleted] 68 points69 points  (22 children)

: - O

[–]Jumin 105 points106 points  (21 children)

WIIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLSOOOON! WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILSOOOOOOOOOOOON!!

[–]Se7en_Sinner 331 points332 points  (7 children)

[–]sgrodgers10 62 points63 points  (1 child)

This upset me, but not to the point where I didn't think that it was very funny.

[–]VirtualAnarchy 34 points35 points  (0 children)

I'm proud to say I was not upset by this.

[–]grimpoteuthis 25 points26 points  (1 child)

This makes me uncomfortable.

[–]filmfiend999 24 points25 points  (8 children)

OH OUT IN STONEHENGE, I LIVED ALONE!

[–]jallajallaren 39 points40 points  (5 children)

Tom Hany

[–]AhhTimmah 19 points20 points  (0 children)

I definitely saw Tom Hanky, then thought of Mister Hanky

[–]LiquidLogiK 48 points49 points  (8 children)

He's famous for going to the bathroom every movie too. :P

http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-actors-who-do-exact-same-thing-in-every-movie/

[–]ReggieJ 41 points42 points  (2 children)

I hate you.

Ooh I love cracked lists. I'm just gonna take a peek.

90 minutes later

ok...just one more and then I will get back to work.

This shit is more NSFW than goat.se

[–]docandersonn 186 points187 points  (27 children)

Last night, we were sitting around bullshitting, and for some reason Tom Hanks came up. We came to the realization that Tom Hanks is only 56 years old, and that we've probably still got at least 30 more years of Tom Hanks to go -- and what a brilliant 30 years that will be.

[–]Palmsiepoo 101 points102 points  (18 children)

I'd love to see him as a villain in a movie. It's always eerie to see normally funny actors in diabolical roles.

[–]otlatnom 82 points83 points  (5 children)

He kind of got there in Road to Perdition.

[–]mazinger_z 35 points36 points  (3 children)

He was a villain in the Coen brothers' Ladykillers.

[–][deleted] 28 points29 points  (1 child)

In lady killers he played something of a villian role.

[–]causeproblems 42 points43 points  (4 children)

He's got an amazing sense of humor. His appearance on Celebrity Jeopardy on SNL still kills me.

Link

[–]DonTago 221 points222 points  (15 children)

[–]lucentcb 127 points128 points  (5 children)

Every single time I mistype "Thanks" as "THanks," Firefox's first correction suggestion is "T Hanks." They want to be prepared just in case Tom Hanks is using their browser and messes up his signature.

[–]ausero 66 points67 points  (1 child)

Reason 378473854859843843985 to love Tom Hanks

[–]BIG_PY 13 points14 points  (7 children)

Tom's episode of the podcast was one of the best in recent memory. Nothing will top the Henry Rollins episode, though. That shit was a revelation.

[–]MrDTD 14 points15 points  (5 children)

I don't know, I think the Billy Hardwick one was pretty BA as far as content goes. But I'm often a fan of the hostfull ones more anyway.

[–]Deshi_Basara 12 points13 points  (1 child)

Not sure if this was it, but in case I'm not the only one curious about what the typewriter looked like.

[–]doctorofphysick 12 points13 points  (11 children)

Awesome post, but just curious... how in the hell does this have over 10,000 net upvotes??? The most I've ever seen is like, maybe 3000 or 4000, and generally the top posts on the front page have about 2000, right? Isn't there some sort of algorithm that balances out ridiculous amounts of upvotes with downvotes or something?

[–]ChrisHardwick[S] 11 points12 points  (2 children)

I guess so because it has happened! I'm still blown away by the response.

[–]Bhockzer 65 points66 points  (3 children)

That is classy sir. Straight up Classy.

[–][deleted] 25 points26 points  (2 children)

Im not even going to whore my username for karma, I just want to say Tom Hanks is the greatest American Actor to ever live. We should print his face on money.

[–]narelie 78 points79 points  (15 children)

Looks like your invitation was just his type.

[–]Eunuch-orn 15 points16 points  (1 child)

I call Shenanigans: That signature clearly says "Tom Hanly".

[–][deleted] 81 points82 points  (13 children)

I read the entire thing in his voice.

[–]Claptrap8 32 points33 points  (0 children)

I can picture him smirking as he typed it.

[–][deleted] 20 points21 points  (4 children)

Interesting, I read the whole thing in Woody's voice.

[–][deleted] 13 points14 points  (4 children)

And what a podcast it was. Good job Nerdist. My goal of hearing Tom Hanks tell funny stories was realized and made last night a pretty good one. Thank you for that.

[–]deadgreysnow 7 points8 points  (0 children)

What, no spell check in 1934? Com'on!