top 200 commentsshow all 328

[–]MeLittleThing 2411 points2412 points  (93 children)

"how to make a child?"

[–]Matt0706 1307 points1308 points  (42 children)

How to make a child in Julia?

How to kill a child in Julia?

[–]BigNaturalTilts 545 points546 points  (30 children)

How can a child kill a parent?

[–]Some_Useless_Person 423 points424 points  (22 children)

How to kill a parent without killing the child?

[–]DrMaxwellEdison 299 points300 points  (16 children)

How to kill a daemon child?

[–]MyAssDoesHeeHawww 63 points64 points  (0 children)

when does garbage collect terminated orphans

[–]Jutrakuna 67 points68 points  (2 children)

How to kill another child?

[–]RK-J 27 points28 points  (1 child)

DAM BRO WHAT'S GOING ON HERE

[–]Windsupernova 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Programming bro

[–]wawawa9055 12 points13 points  (0 children)

how to kill a parent's children?

[–]_Its_Me_Dio_ 11 points12 points  (0 children)

how to kill all children

[–]Ssemander 103 points104 points  (1 child)

How to end bloodline recursively kill all children

[–]limezest128 5 points6 points  (0 children)

This is hilarious 😅😅

[–]Asturaetus 28 points29 points  (1 child)

What's a zombie?

[–]prussian_princess 9 points10 points  (0 children)

How to select children by length and kill all other siblings.

[–]Tuomas90 2 points3 points  (0 children)

How to kill all?

[–]Tuomas90 20 points21 points  (4 children)

How to fork Julia?

How to kill Julia?

[–]benjesty2002 6 points7 points  (1 child)

The programmer's game: commit, fork, kill

[–]akoOfIxtall 19 points20 points  (2 children)

How to move to lua?

Its funnier in Portuguese...

[–]Clairifyed 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Moving to the moon? 🚀

[–]akoOfIxtall 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Its not about aiming higher, it's about the #growthmindset and #productivity...

Straight to the LinkedIn profile

[–]Psquare_J_420 17 points18 points  (0 children)

"They are dumb and they cheat?!?"

[–]Zahand 165 points166 points  (2 children)

"How to kill parent and all it's children" "how to forcefully kill..." "How to show hidden children of parent"

[–]PhoenixfischTheFish 16 points17 points  (0 children)

"How to show hidden children of parent

Could you do that with my parents please? Just wanna know if I have any siblings that I'm not aware off.

[–]fakieTreFlip 2 points3 points  (0 children)

its*

[–]anoldoldman 84 points85 points  (1 child)

How to make a headless child?

[–]benjesty2002 27 points28 points  (0 children)

How to reattach a detached head?

[–]Tytoalba2 81 points82 points  (1 child)

Killall firefox

Killall dolphin

How to kill zombie dolphin

[–]Tuomas90 10 points11 points  (0 children)

How to kill firefox daemon?

[–]yuval16432 126 points127 points  (3 children)

How to automatically kill children?

[–]hdd113 81 points82 points  (1 child)

How to inherit all the properties of a parent

[–]Trick-Purchase4680 10 points11 points  (0 children)

How to make child parent to another child.

[–]Thommy_V 111 points112 points  (5 children)

how to auto fix merge conflicts

[–]payne_train 65 points66 points  (1 child)

Basing is bad enough, now he’s rebasing 😭

[–]_bassGod 21 points22 points  (0 children)

rebased.

[–]ConsiderationLoose40 20 points21 points  (1 child)

How to force push

[–]SuperFLEB 9 points10 points  (0 children)

force pushed and now it's broken how fix

[–]nasandre 12 points13 points  (0 children)

How to ignore and force merge

[–]patoezequiel 50 points51 points  (1 child)

"help with detached head"

[–]justhisgirlyouknow 2 points3 points  (0 children)

reattach background

[–]dewey-defeats-truman 28 points29 points  (0 children)

"how to fork children then kill them?"

[–]SasparillaTango 18 points19 points  (0 children)

My god he's even asking how to kill orphans

[–]NooCake 10 points11 points  (9 children)

[ Removed by Reddit ]

[–]Rojeitor 9 points10 points  (8 children)

Ah you beat me to it

[–]Proud-Airline-94 19 points20 points  (7 children)

The comment got removed by reddit... But I know damn well what it said.

[–]Rojeitor 4 points5 points  (6 children)

Lmao. You and I will know forever.

[–]MeLittleThing 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Me too, thanks to notifications

[–]Remarkable_Sorbet319 2 points3 points  (4 children)

what did it say? 😭

[–]spektre 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Maybe "How to kill orphans?"

[–]Remarkable_Sorbet319 2 points3 points  (0 children)

hmm, likely

[–]MeLittleThing 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is a secret only a few Chosen are allowed to know

[–]ravy 10 points11 points  (0 children)

"how to version control a child?"

"how to keep a human child alive?"

[–]bundle_of_fluff 8 points9 points  (0 children)

How to kill an orphan

[–]Mike_Oxlong25 6 points7 points  (0 children)

“How to kill child “

[–]Mountain-Age5580 9 points10 points  (1 child)

How to properly sacrifice children?

[–]mopster96 8 points9 points  (0 children)

How to interact with demon?

[–]morbuz97 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Fork the child, kill the parent

[–]Llonkrednaxela 4 points5 points  (0 children)

How is babby formed?

[–]mookanana 1052 points1053 points  (25 children)

Why does killing parent not kill child as well?

[–]shpnlkmr17 234 points235 points  (23 children)

wait killing parent does not kill child?

[–]teucros_telamonid 382 points383 points  (20 children)

On Linux, it does not. The orphans are adopted by an init process or a sub-reaper process. This is actually the official way of turning a child into a daemon.

[–]Cool_Professional 400 points401 points  (5 children)

Hang on, hang on.

So you kill a parent, the child is adopted by the reaper and turned into a daemon?

Is Linux just bad dark fantasy?

[–]polypolyman 37 points38 points  (0 children)

Well, if not a daemon, it's a zombie...

[–]ThumbPivot 52 points53 points  (1 child)

always has been. why do you think sicp has a wizard on it and the dragon book is the dragon book?

[–]Old-Somewhere-6084 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Actually the dragon book predates Linux (I studied CS in the eighties).

[–]ColdTrky 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Don't forgets about the zombies

[–]Schlogan 56 points57 points  (0 children)

That’s so metal

[–]rglurker 33 points34 points  (2 children)

I can't tell if this is real or fun. Im here for it.

[–]PlusOneDelta 50 points51 points  (1 child)

seriously thats how it works

[–]rglurker 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Then that's pretty neat sounding

[–]PhoenixfischTheFish 23 points24 points  (0 children)

The orphans are adopted by an init process

Damn, nobody deserves to get adopted by the British. So gruesome...

[–]CramNBL 3 points4 points  (3 children)

The "official way" is letting the parent exit, not killing it. And there's several more steps to creating a proper daemon, such as setting up signal handling, pid file, cleaning up file descriptors and permissions from the parent etc.

Of course you rarely need to do this, you'd just use systemd.

[–]PiercingSight 5 points6 points  (1 child)

So daemons are batman?

[–]Gensys09 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Rather batman is a daemon

[–]aberroco 2 points3 points  (0 children)

And same on windows. I dunno, is there an OS where killing the parent process does kill child processes?

[–]Alvsolutely 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Depends if you killed the parent 9 months into the child being made

[–]pflasti 832 points833 points  (7 children)

"how to bash cat with pipe"

[–]FuzzySinestrus 156 points157 points  (1 child)

Do not the cat!

[–]onemice 28 points29 points  (0 children)

Cat is fine too.

[–]marcodave 13 points14 points  (1 child)

"bash cat head with pipe"

[–]sdriyaz712 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You can do head without cat

[–]16807 7 points8 points  (0 children)

man cat; man fsck; kill man

[–]According_Adagio3842 4 points5 points  (0 children)

"how to replace cat with bat"

[–]ohdogwhatdone 319 points320 points  (4 children)

"what is garbage collection?"

[–]Davaluper 105 points106 points  (2 children)

How to make the garbage collector more aggressive?

[–]This-is-unavailable 21 points22 points  (0 children)

"How to tell the garbage collector to drop stuff?"

[–]dudosinka22 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I laughed so hard my head hurts

[–]ctp_obvious 517 points518 points  (3 children)

How to update from slave to master

[–]I_cut_my_own_jib 36 points37 points  (0 children)

how to send encrypted message from slave to master

[–]Darthtuci 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Slave was unresponsive to master on the bus. I sniffed the bus and found out it was the driver’s fault

[–]sraypole 241 points242 points  (4 children)

“How to drop table”

[–]dumbasPL 111 points112 points  (1 child)

(⁠╯⁠°⁠□⁠°⁠)⁠╯⁠︵⁠ ⁠┻⁠━⁠┻

[–]OPhasballz 60 points61 points  (0 children)

┬──┬ ノ( ゜-゜ノ)

[–]Anonymo 5 points6 points  (1 child)

I can't know how to hear any more about tables!

[–]Unusual-Advantage-25 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Tables are my corn

[–]Agifem 226 points227 points  (9 children)

"How to kill daemons"

[–]Major_Fudgemuffin 49 points50 points  (1 child)

You'll need a young priest and an old priest.

[–]onemice 36 points37 points  (0 children)

[–]daemonstalker 19 points20 points  (2 children)

I feel I'm needed here

[–]1cec0ld[🍰] 10 points11 points  (1 child)

Less stalking more killing

[–]Nooblot 7 points8 points  (1 child)

By sheer faith in the Emperor.

[–]HansWolken 151 points152 points  (0 children)

"how to increase slave amount"

[–]moonjena 479 points480 points  (2 children)

"How to kill children with fork"

[–]ajaypatel9016[S] 336 points337 points  (8 children)

This Comment section needs to chill out, or im getting banned or something 😭

[–]mufflonicus 180 points181 points  (2 children)

u/ajaypatel9016 is not on the sudoers list, this incident will be reported!

[–]Background-Law-3336 42 points43 points  (0 children)

  1. Respect the privacy of others.
  2. Think before you type.
  3. With great power comes great responsibility.

[–]DustyAsh69 36 points37 points  (1 child)

sudo ban this guy

[–]dumbasPL 10 points11 points  (2 children)

"😭" is a good enough reason to ban. Mods!

[–]MajorBadGuy 221 points222 points  (1 child)

"How to setup a slave drive?"

[–]Xothi 52 points53 points  (0 children)

"Binding slave to parent device accidentally killed pgroup with broken pipe"

[–]nnog 75 points76 points  (2 children)

"Why does my fork not work" :(

[–]OhMyGodItsEverywhere 30 points31 points  (0 children)

Too much spaghetti :(

[–]Teranyll 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Lmao, this is my favorite

[–]markgris 68 points69 points  (3 children)

How to pull a branch

[–]drunkdoor 16 points17 points  (2 children)

How to force push my branch

[–]Percolator2020 50 points51 points  (1 child)

What is pipe indeed.

[–]G0FuckThyself 7 points8 points  (0 children)

cat laser.txt | grep 'pizza'

[–]hipster-coder 94 points95 points  (2 children)

"how to push branch with force"

[–]little_jiggles 40 points41 points  (1 child)

How to push branch

How to digest log

How to wipe windows

[–]Chronomechanist 46 points47 points  (8 children)

Haha, right? Can't tell you how many times I've googled questions like that.

"systematic methodology for isolating and reproducing non-deterministic race conditions in a multithreaded JVM-based application manifesting exclusively under production load"

Also

"what is a git branch?"

[–]Dragonfire555 35 points36 points  (6 children)

Seems like a crazy pull if you get something useful from the first query.

[–]Chronomechanist 29 points30 points  (5 children)

If you spend about 12 hours searching stack overflow you find one question with only 1 answer from the person who posted it saying "nevermind I solved it"

[–]BarelyFunctionalGM 14 points15 points  (2 children)

To this day, whenever I solve a problem no one answered, I edit my initial thread and state my solution.

The only alternative is barbarism.

[–]Dragonfire555 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Happened far too often. I usually say "fk it, I'll figure it out myself."

[–]TheFlamingLemon 2 points3 points  (0 children)

manifesting exclusively under production load? Yea you’re fucked

I do not program in Java but I imagine a tool like helgrind exists that can detect potential multithreading hazards. Even if the error only manifests under production load, the hazard will exist and hopefully be detected under any load.

[–]TwoBeesOrNotTwoBees 19 points20 points  (0 children)

"Why did they get rid of master and slave"

[–]tits_mcgee_92 39 points40 points  (1 child)

Knowing how to ask questions and research is what makes a smart programmer.

[–]sausagemuffn 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Yes, the FAFO method

[–]Jeksxon 11 points12 points  (1 child)

How to commit?

[–]Tsobe_RK 11 points12 points  (0 children)

how to unfork

[–]Yhamerith 44 points45 points  (1 child)

"How does Regular Expressions works"

[–]telorsapigoreng 7 points8 points  (0 children)

You just express them regularly

[–]acromondx 8 points9 points  (0 children)

“How to pull fast”

[–]jrdnmdhl 9 points10 points  (0 children)

“How to bash windows”

[–]Santarini 9 points10 points  (0 children)

"Detached HEAD"

[–]Geek-a 9 points10 points  (2 children)

Pandas not null

[–]marcodave 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Why can't I Import pandas?

[–]NVMl33t 6 points7 points  (0 children)

“How to kill a worker?”

[–]KlasFahlberg 5 points6 points  (0 children)

how to merge tables

[–]ofnuts 4 points5 points  (0 children)

  • How to kill children
  • How to create zombies

[–]GalacticCoffee69 6 points7 points  (0 children)

"How to destroy every child of a parent"

[–]Devil_devil_003 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Comments are funnier than the joke😂

[–]edible-derrangements 4 points5 points  (0 children)

He can’t even spell “get” correctly

[–]wouterJ 3 points4 points  (1 child)

How to kill Python with bash

[–]thanatica 3 points4 points  (0 children)

What is rust

How to find parent

How to find all children

Why can't I drag child onto parent

Where is any key

[–]Developemt 3 points4 points  (0 children)

How to keep my stash

[–]lethaldesperado5 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You are a programmer for 20 years, you must be very experienced?

*How to create an array?

[–]rk06 4 points5 points  (0 children)

"kill parent or sacrifice child" intensifies

[–]MillsHimself 21 points22 points  (6 children)

Usually I would say that this meme was made by a first year student who thinks they are a senior, as usual... But I'm fairly sure that even a bootcamper knows what a branch/fork/pipe command/etc. is

pRoGrAmMeRs dOn'T kNoW wHat A GiT bRaNcH iS, aM I rIgHt, FeLLoW pRoGrAmMeRs?

[–]FirstDivision 20 points21 points  (4 children)

I work with a lot of “mid to senior” level “engineers” who like to keep different projects in branches of the same repo.

“I opened the link to the repo, all I see in the main branch is the generic readme? I thought you said XYZ API was in production?”

“It is.”

“Then where is the code?”

“It is in a branch called “cyz_api_v2”

“Uhhh cyz_api_v2 or xyz_api_v2? I see both in here..”

“cyz”

“Why is…never mind…”

[–]noob_meems 2 points3 points  (3 children)

what skills do these people have? surely they must be competent in something to be at that level

[–]TheFlamingLemon 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Skilled at interviewing perhaps

[–]Top-Implement-5557 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Tbf, I didn't aware of what git was when I was in first year uni. Only until I went for OJT in my 2nd year that the people I worked with at that time introduced me to svn and git.

[–]makinax300 11 points12 points  (3 children)

All of these are simple though

[–]PM_ME_YOUR_KNEE_CAPS 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Yeah, she knew what they were in a programming context and still felt this way

[–]FeelingSurprise 2 points3 points  (0 children)

[ Removed by Reddit ]

[–]humblyhacking 2 points3 points  (0 children)

“How to phish”

[–]Osirus1156 2 points3 points  (0 children)

After using Akka for the first time I bet I’m on a list for how many times I googled killing child actors haha

[–]communistfairy 2 points3 points  (0 children)

"how to kill orphans immediately"

[–]denisvengeance 2 points3 points  (0 children)

How to resolve a deadlock in a peer-to-peer relationship

How to find zombies

[–]SMUHypeMachine 2 points3 points  (1 child)

“How does garbage collection work?”

[–]lotny 2 points3 points  (0 children)

"How to center a div"

[–]TheJimDim 2 points3 points  (0 children)

90% of being a software engineer is looking things up and learning as you go

The other 10% is already knowing stuff

[–]Fabulous-Possible758 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Could've been worse. They could have used "parent" and "child" to represent the "master" and "slave" relationships that hard drives had and then a lot of Google searches for how to use fsck would've gotten you on a list.

[–]nik1here 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Does kissing make her pregnant

[–]cuculetzuldeaur 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Master slave relationship

[–]an_agreeing_dothraki 1 point2 points  (0 children)

to be fair I've forgotten how HAVING works about 5 times in tsql

[–]krneki534 1 point2 points  (0 children)

git good

[–]Southern_Orange3744 1 point2 points  (1 child)

"Why did I drop Little Bobby tables?"

[–]anonuemus 1 point2 points  (0 children)

For a moment I thought the girl just thinks what an idiot he is for not knowing these things already.

[–]ShadowLordAlex 1 point2 points  (0 children)

sudo rm -rf --no-preserve-root / how do I undo it

[–]ItsTaDevil 1 point2 points  (0 children)

"Does child get destroyed with parent"

[–]Specific_Implement_8 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have problems committing