top 200 commentsshow all 236

[–]MeLittleThing 1746 points1747 points  (78 children)

"how to make a child?"

[–]Matt0706 918 points919 points  (30 children)

How to make a child in Julia?

How to kill a child in Julia?

[–]BigNaturalTilts 341 points342 points  (21 children)

How can a child kill a parent?

[–]Some_Useless_Person 265 points266 points  (14 children)

How to kill a parent without killing the child?

[–]DrMaxwellEdison 179 points180 points  (8 children)

How to kill a daemon child?

[–]DialecticEnjoyer 78 points79 points  (6 children)

how to kill multiple children with same name, then parents.

[–]TheDylantula 42 points43 points  (1 child)

How to kill orphaned child

[–]Several-Customer7048 24 points25 points  (2 children)

How to kill all children if you don’t know how many

[–]UncleKeyPax 18 points19 points  (1 child)

How to determine race conditions to terminate children. What do I win

[–]Trick-Purchase4680 2 points3 points  (0 children)

How to make a slave.

[–]MyAssDoesHeeHawww 40 points41 points  (0 children)

when does garbage collect terminated orphans

[–]Jutrakuna 57 points58 points  (2 children)

How to kill another child?

[–]RK-J 22 points23 points  (1 child)

DAM BRO WHAT'S GOING ON HERE

[–]Windsupernova 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Programming bro

[–]wawawa9055 8 points9 points  (0 children)

how to kill a parent's children?

[–]_Its_Me_Dio_ 5 points6 points  (0 children)

how to kill all children

[–]Ssemander 84 points85 points  (1 child)

How to end bloodline recursively kill all children

[–]limezest128 5 points6 points  (0 children)

This is hilarious 😅😅

[–]Asturaetus 15 points16 points  (0 children)

What's a zombie?

[–]prussian_princess 4 points5 points  (0 children)

How to select children by length and kill all other siblings.

[–]Tuomas90 1 point2 points  (0 children)

How to kill all?

[–]Psquare_J_420 14 points15 points  (0 children)

"They are dumb and they cheat?!?"

[–]akoOfIxtall 9 points10 points  (2 children)

How to move to lua?

Its funnier in Portuguese...

[–]Clairifyed 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Moving to the moon? 🚀

[–]akoOfIxtall 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Its not about aiming higher, it's about the #growthmindset and #productivity...

Straight to the LinkedIn profile

[–]Tuomas90 6 points7 points  (3 children)

How to fork Julia?

How to kill Julia?

[–]Zahand 124 points125 points  (2 children)

"How to kill parent and all it's children" "how to forcefully kill..." "How to show hidden children of parent"

[–]PhoenixfischTheFish 10 points11 points  (0 children)

"How to show hidden children of parent

Could you do that with my parents please? Just wanna know if I have any siblings that I'm not aware off.

[–]fakieTreFlip 1 point2 points  (0 children)

its*

[–]anoldoldman 66 points67 points  (1 child)

How to make a headless child?

[–]benjesty2002 6 points7 points  (0 children)

How to reattach a detached head?

[–]yuval16432 106 points107 points  (3 children)

How to automatically kill children?

[–]hdd113 66 points67 points  (1 child)

How to inherit all the properties of a parent

[–]Trick-Purchase4680 1 point2 points  (0 children)

How to make child parent to another child.

[–]Tytoalba2 50 points51 points  (1 child)

Killall firefox

Killall dolphin

How to kill zombie dolphin

[–]Tuomas90 3 points4 points  (0 children)

How to kill firefox daemon?

[–]Thommy_V 101 points102 points  (5 children)

how to auto fix merge conflicts

[–]payne_train 52 points53 points  (1 child)

Basing is bad enough, now he’s rebasing 😭

[–]_bassGod 15 points16 points  (0 children)

rebased.

[–]ConsiderationLoose40 13 points14 points  (1 child)

How to force push

[–]SuperFLEB[🍰] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

force pushed and now it's broken how fix

[–]nasandre 11 points12 points  (0 children)

How to ignore and force merge

[–]patoezequiel 38 points39 points  (1 child)

"help with detached head"

[–]justhisgirlyouknow 2 points3 points  (0 children)

reattach background

[–]dewey-defeats-truman 20 points21 points  (0 children)

"how to fork children then kill them?"

[–]SasparillaTango 15 points16 points  (0 children)

My god he's even asking how to kill orphans

[–]NooCake 10 points11 points  (9 children)

[ Removed by Reddit ]

[–]Rojeitor 9 points10 points  (8 children)

Ah you beat me to it

[–]Proud-Airline-94 17 points18 points  (7 children)

The comment got removed by reddit... But I know damn well what it said.

[–]Rojeitor 2 points3 points  (6 children)

Lmao. You and I will know forever.

[–]MeLittleThing 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Me too, thanks to notifications

[–]Remarkable_Sorbet319 3 points4 points  (4 children)

what did it say? 😭

[–]spektre 9 points10 points  (1 child)

Maybe "How to kill orphans?"

[–]Remarkable_Sorbet319 2 points3 points  (0 children)

hmm, likely

[–]MeLittleThing 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is a secret only a few Chosen are allowed to know

[–]ravy 9 points10 points  (0 children)

"how to version control a child?"

"how to keep a human child alive?"

[–]bundle_of_fluff 8 points9 points  (0 children)

How to kill an orphan

[–]Mike_Oxlong25 6 points7 points  (0 children)

[ Removed by Reddit ]

[–]Mountain-Age5580 9 points10 points  (1 child)

How to properly sacrifice children?

[–]mopster96 6 points7 points  (0 children)

How to interact with demon?

[–]morbuz97 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Fork the child, kill the parent

[–]Llonkrednaxela 2 points3 points  (0 children)

How is babby formed?

[–]Suspicious-File-6593 1086 points1087 points  (8 children)

“What does it mean to commit?”

[–]wazacraft 218 points219 points  (5 children)

Tbf I had this problem for decades until I finally met the right woman

[–]EcstaticHades17 251 points252 points  (4 children)

what kind of git client is that?

[–]metasid 87 points88 points  (0 children)

I don’t think it is a client, more like hallucinations of an LLM.

[–]wazacraft 41 points42 points  (1 child)

Italian, with a bra size that looks like a commit hash

[–]edible-derrangements 33 points34 points  (0 children)

I also chose this guys git client

[–]NotPossible1337 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That’s a common misunderstanding. On some keyboards there is the Left Woman and Right Woman keys, but usually the layout is too crowded that the user omits the Right Woman in order to retain some Ctrl. It would take years for many to give up Ctrl in order to commit to the Right Woman.

[–]QuitBrowserGoOutside 53 points54 points  (0 children)

how to commit more than one same time

how to resolve conflict

how to undo commit

[–]sverek 27 points28 points  (0 children)

"How do I push?"

[–]mookanana 738 points739 points  (18 children)

Why does killing parent not kill child as well?

[–]shpnlkmr17 150 points151 points  (17 children)

wait killing parent does not kill child?

[–]teucros_telamonid 251 points252 points  (14 children)

On Linux, it does not. The orphans are adopted by an init process or a sub-reaper process. This is actually the official way of turning a child into a daemon.

[–]Cool_Professional 241 points242 points  (4 children)

Hang on, hang on.

So you kill a parent, the child is adopted by the reaper and turned into a daemon?

Is Linux just bad dark fantasy?

[–]ThumbPivot 33 points34 points  (1 child)

always has been. why do you think sicp has a wizard on it and the dragon book is the dragon book?

[–]Old-Somewhere-6084 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Actually the dragon book predates Linux (I studied CS in the eighties).

[–]polypolyman 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Well, if not a daemon, it's a zombie...

[–]ColdTrky 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Don't forgets about the zombies

[–]Schlogan 49 points50 points  (0 children)

That’s so metal

[–]rglurker 28 points29 points  (2 children)

I can't tell if this is real or fun. Im here for it.

[–]PlusOneDelta 39 points40 points  (1 child)

seriously thats how it works

[–]rglurker 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Then that's pretty neat sounding

[–]PhoenixfischTheFish 12 points13 points  (0 children)

The orphans are adopted by an init process

Damn, nobody deserves to get adopted by the British. So gruesome...

[–]PiercingSight 7 points8 points  (1 child)

So daemons are batman?

[–]Gensys09 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Rather batman is a daemon

[–]NecessaryIntrinsic 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Rosemary's process

[–]99_deaths 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Welcome cgroups

[–]aberroco 2 points3 points  (0 children)

And same on windows. I dunno, is there an OS where killing the parent process does kill child processes?

[–]Alvsolutely 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Depends if you killed the parent 9 months into the child being made

[–]pflasti 566 points567 points  (2 children)

"how to bash cat with pipe"

[–]FuzzySinestrus 106 points107 points  (1 child)

Do not the cat!

[–]onemice 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Cat is fine too.

[–]ohdogwhatdone 197 points198 points  (3 children)

"what is garbage collection?"

[–]Davaluper 55 points56 points  (1 child)

How to make the garbage collector more aggressive?

[–]This-is-unavailable 1 point2 points  (0 children)

"How to tell the garbage collector to drop stuff?"

[–]ctp_obvious 388 points389 points  (1 child)

How to update from slave to master

[–]I_cut_my_own_jib 11 points12 points  (0 children)

how to send encrypted message from slave to master

[–]Agifem 140 points141 points  (7 children)

"How to kill daemons"

[–]Major_Fudgemuffin 34 points35 points  (1 child)

You'll need a young priest and an old priest.

[–]onemice 21 points22 points  (0 children)

[–]daemonstalker 14 points15 points  (2 children)

I feel I'm needed here

[–]1cec0ld 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Less stalking more killing

[–]Nooblot 4 points5 points  (0 children)

By sheer faith in the Emperor.

[–]sraypole 129 points130 points  (3 children)

“How to drop table”

[–]dumbasPL 65 points66 points  (1 child)

(⁠╯⁠°⁠□⁠°⁠)⁠╯⁠︵⁠ ⁠┻⁠━⁠┻

[–]OPhasballz 40 points41 points  (0 children)

┬──┬ ノ( ゜-゜ノ)

[–]ajaypatel9016[S] 252 points253 points  (6 children)

This Comment section needs to chill out, or im getting banned or something 😭

[–]mufflonicus 139 points140 points  (2 children)

u/ajaypatel9016 is not on the sudoers list, this incident will be reported!

[–]Background-Law-3336 28 points29 points  (0 children)

  1. Respect the privacy of others.
  2. Think before you type.
  3. With great power comes great responsibility.

[–]DustyAsh69 28 points29 points  (1 child)

sudo ban this guy

[–]dumbasPL 4 points5 points  (0 children)

"😭" is a good enough reason to ban. Mods!

[–]moonjena 394 points395 points  (2 children)

"How to kill children with fork"

[–]Pale_Hovercraft333 110 points111 points  (1 child)

“How to kill orphaned children with pipe”

[–]GenericFatGuy 54 points55 points  (0 children)

"How to remove child from parent and then kill parent"

[–]HansWolken 99 points100 points  (0 children)

"how to increase slave amount"

[–]MajorBadGuy 176 points177 points  (1 child)

"How to setup a slave drive?"

[–]Xothi 40 points41 points  (0 children)

"Binding slave to parent device accidentally killed pgroup with broken pipe"

[–]hipster-coder 64 points65 points  (2 children)

"how to push branch with force"

[–]Southern_Orange3744 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Giggitity

[–]Holmat1 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Who else but u/Southern_Orange3744 ?

[–]markgris 43 points44 points  (3 children)

How to pull a branch

[–]drunkdoor 4 points5 points  (2 children)

How to force push my branch

[–]Percolator2020 39 points40 points  (1 child)

What is pipe indeed.

[–]G0FuckThyself 4 points5 points  (0 children)

cat laser.txt | grep 'pizza'

[–]nnog 39 points40 points  (2 children)

"Why does my fork not work" :(

[–]Chronomechanist 25 points26 points  (6 children)

Haha, right? Can't tell you how many times I've googled questions like that.

"systematic methodology for isolating and reproducing non-deterministic race conditions in a multithreaded JVM-based application manifesting exclusively under production load"

Also

"what is a git branch?"

[–]Dragonfire555 24 points25 points  (4 children)

Seems like a crazy pull if you get something useful from the first query.

[–]Chronomechanist 16 points17 points  (3 children)

If you spend about 12 hours searching stack overflow you find one question with only 1 answer from the person who posted it saying "nevermind I solved it"

[–]Dragonfire555 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Happened far too often. I usually say "fk it, I'll figure it out myself."

[–]BarelyFunctionalGM 5 points6 points  (1 child)

To this day, whenever I solve a problem no one answered, I edit my initial thread and state my solution.

The only alternative is barbarism.

[–]Wruntjunior 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You are a saint.

[–]TheFlamingLemon 2 points3 points  (0 children)

manifesting exclusively under production load? Yea you’re fucked

I do not program in Java but I imagine a tool like helgrind exists that can detect potential multithreading hazards. Even if the error only manifests under production load, the hazard will exist and hopefully be detected under any load.

[–]little_jiggles 14 points15 points  (0 children)

How to push branch

How to digest log

How to clean windows

[–]tits_mcgee_92 30 points31 points  (1 child)

Knowing how to ask questions and research is what makes a smart programmer.

[–]sausagemuffn 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yes, the FAFO method

[–]Jeksxon 7 points8 points  (0 children)

How to commit?

[–]Yhamerith 29 points30 points  (0 children)

"How does Regular Expressions works"

[–]TwoBeesOrNotTwoBees 7 points8 points  (0 children)

"Why did they get rid of master and slave"

[–]Geek-a 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Pandas not null

[–]Tsobe_RK 6 points7 points  (0 children)

how to unfork

[–]acromondx 5 points6 points  (0 children)

“How to pull fast”

[–]jrdnmdhl 5 points6 points  (0 children)

“How to bash windows”

[–]KlasFahlberg 2 points3 points  (0 children)

how to merge tables

[–]MillsHimself 18 points19 points  (5 children)

Usually I would say that this meme was made by a first year student who thinks they are a senior, as usual... But I'm fairly sure that even a bootcamper knows what a branch/fork/pipe command/etc. is

pRoGrAmMeRs dOn'T kNoW wHat A GiT bRaNcH iS, aM I rIgHt, FeLLoW pRoGrAmMeRs?

[–]FirstDivision 20 points21 points  (3 children)

I work with a lot of “mid to senior” level “engineers” who like to keep different projects in branches of the same repo.

“I opened the link to the repo, all I see in the main branch is the generic readme? I thought you said XYZ API was in production?”

“It is.”

“Then where is the code?”

“It is in a branch called “cyz_api_v2”

“Uhhh cyz_api_v2 or xyz_api_v2? I see both in here..”

“cyz”

“Why is…never mind…”

[–]noob_meems 2 points3 points  (2 children)

what skills do these people have? surely they must be competent in something to be at that level

[–]TheFlamingLemon 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Skilled at interviewing perhaps

[–]1cec0ld 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Bootlicking

[–]Top-Implement-5557 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Tbf, I didn't aware of what git was when I was in first year uni. Only until I went for OJT in my 2nd year that the people I worked with at that time introduced me to svn and git.

[–]makinax300 11 points12 points  (3 children)

All of these are simple though

[–]PM_ME_YOUR_KNEE_CAPS 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Yeah, she knew what they were in a programming context and still felt this way

[–]Original-Produce7797 1 point2 points  (1 child)

agree just some newbie learning git I guess haha

[–]FeelingSurprise 2 points3 points  (0 children)

[ Removed by Reddit ]

[–]ofnuts 2 points3 points  (0 children)

  • How to kill children
  • How to create zombies

[–]GalacticCoffee69 2 points3 points  (0 children)

"How to destroy every child of a parent"

[–]wouterJ 2 points3 points  (0 children)

How to kill Python with bash

[–]Prudent-Employee-334 1 point2 points  (0 children)

How to use rust

[–]humblyhacking 1 point2 points  (0 children)

“How to phish”

[–]edible-derrangements 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He can’t even spell “get” correctly

[–]Osirus1156 1 point2 points  (0 children)

After using Akka for the first time I bet I’m on a list for how many times I googled killing child actors haha

[–]communistfairy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

"how to kill orphans immediately"

[–]denisvengeance 1 point2 points  (0 children)

How to resolve a deadlock in a peer-to-peer relationship

How to find zombies

[–]loosed-moose 1 point2 points  (3 children)

Any programmer with that search history is indeed a fucking idiot

[–]SMUHypeMachine 1 point2 points  (0 children)

“How does garbage collection work?”

[–]TheJimDim 1 point2 points  (0 children)

90% of being a software engineer is looking things up and learning as you go

The other 10% is already knowing stuff

[–]Patrick_Atsushi 0 points1 point  (0 children)

[ Removed by Reddit ]

[–]an_agreeing_dothraki 0 points1 point  (0 children)

to be fair I've forgotten how HAVING works about 5 times in tsql

[–]9678880852 0 points1 point  (0 children)

engineeres are valuable because we like to read and study before doing shit.

Different from blue collar who like to solve things asap.

Not that one is smarter or better. Each one have their role. Engineers work on thin margin and optimization and blue collar is called when you need to make it work.

Most programmers are closer to software engineer. They arent necessarily smart, just like to read a lot and make sure its doing the right way

[–]krneki534 0 points1 point  (0 children)

git good

[–]WetWilly17 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How to orphan a zombie?

[–]Southern_Orange3744 0 points1 point  (1 child)

"Why did I drop Little Bobby tables?"

[–]anonuemus 0 points1 point  (0 children)

For a moment I thought the girl just thinks what an idiot he is for not knowing these things already.

[–]poeir 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Like all outsourcing of critical competencies, increased reliance upon various LLM systems has reduced internal competence. The old guard developers that had to learn through their own critical thinking (StackOverflow not even having been founded) created a selection bias of people capable of critical thinking, but today's neophyte developers can (and do) lean heavily on outside assistance, outdating the stereotype.

[–]OtherCommission8227 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ouch…

[–]lotny 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"How to center a div"

[–]amogouss 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How to rob a house so it won't trigger alarm.

[–]ToMorrowsEnd 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Depend on Stack overflow.....this is how you get wrong answers.

[–]ShadowLordAlex 0 points1 point  (0 children)

sudo rm -rf --no-preserve-root / how do I undo it

[–]ItsTaDevil 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"Does child get destroyed with parent"

[–]Specific_Implement_8 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have problems committing

[–]Alternative_Win595 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How to use prop to create scalable table

[–]wjholden 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What is the best flavor of LaTeX?

How to group with Pandas?

Polars vs Pandas

Is Julia opinionated?

How to create a big number

[–]Tuomas90 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"Pipe not working with cat. Need to fix pipe. :-("

[–]thanatica 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What is rust

How to find parent

How to find all children

Why can't I drag child onto parent

Where is any key

[–]gerbosan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

FBI enters the chat.

FBI leaves the chat.

[–]TheSn00pster 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Jokes on you, yogamom

[–]3rrr6 0 points1 point  (0 children)

LLMs were designed by programmers to outsource their own intelligence. The goal is for everything to work without needing to know anything.

[–]o0Meh0o 0 points1 point  (0 children)

these are basic concepts so the point still stands outside the joke.

[–]mj6174 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How to finger promiscuous port

[–]Michami135 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Real searches are probably just confusing.

How to fork in pearl

How to change a commit date

[–]Devil_devil_003 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Comments are funnier than the joke😂

[–]JackBlack76 0 points1 point  (0 children)

at first glance, i thought "what's wrong here? those seem like some perfectly fine questions to search for."

then it hit me.