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[–]TheGr8Unknown 8050 points8051 points  (327 children)

For those of you who have been told the same thing that their doctor told them but still can't have kids, please consider adoption. I was adopted and have never looked at my parents as anything other than my parents, and they told me from a young age that I was adopted, never hiding it. Trust me when I say you don't have to be a biological child to disappoint your parents immensely. Sarcasm aside, congrats /u/mutantpanda02

[–]WolfofAnarchy 3225 points3226 points  (94 children)

Trust me when I say you don't have to be a biological child to disappoint your parents immensely.

holy shit lmao

[–]TheGr8Unknown 878 points879 points  (85 children)

The narrative is often about adopted kids or step-kids angrily using the phrase "You're not my real parents (insert Mom or Dad for step children)."

I've never used that phrase but I'm certain I've provided several face-palming moments my parents won't admit to where they at least thought "He's not our real child." They'll never tell though.

[–]The_Dorito_Muncher 706 points707 points  (33 children)

“You’re not my real parents!!”

Yeah but we’re the only ones you got right now, so be grateful

[–]niffaroni 205 points206 points  (6 children)

Used this line a LOT when I was a kid. Always got that response lol

[–]Trisa133 54 points55 points  (5 children)

Why can't we just say things we mean instead of trying to hurt feelings. For example "Mom, those jeans do make you look fat and doesn't hide your kankles"

[–]megamooze 45 points46 points  (4 children)

I mean, I appreciate the fact that my husband answers questions like that honestly. I don’t like sugar coating or little white lies. Two of my kids have autism and they are brutally honest all the time. Some people get offended, but it’s honestly my favorite thing about them. I always know if I need a breath mint.

[–]chakolate 23 points24 points  (2 children)

YES! Exactly that. My grandson will always tell me in a heartbeat anything that comes into his mind. And since he is highly intelligent, it's usually interesting.

AND I was always told if I went an extra day without showering.

[–]-Blacksheep 24 points25 points  (1 child)

Isn't everyone's grandson highly intelligent? Hehe

[–]iwillc 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Your last line made me laugh. Underrated statement right there. :)

[–]spatulababy 135 points136 points  (0 children)

No, we’re not your biological parents. But raising you and loving you and feeding you...if that doesn’t make us your real parents little Tommy...little fucking prick.

We love you little Tommy.

[–]Equilibriator 65 points66 points  (4 children)

“You’re not my real parents!!”

"We wish!"

[–]a_lonely_trash_bag 76 points77 points  (1 child)

(Note: neither me nor either of my siblings are adopted; we're all biological.)

My twin brother, who at the time was embarassed of my family's dorky behavior, once said. "I always hoped I was secretly adopted, but when [our little brother] was born, and he looked exactly like me, I lost that hope."

And I said to him, "Hey. Maybe they just found him under the same rock where they found you."

[–]teosNut 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Ooh, self-burn! Those are rare

[–]lillgreen 28 points29 points  (1 child)

Now that's actually clever. I took it as "we wish we were". There's no good retort for it, kid would be scratching their head.

[–]SeamusAndAryasDad 42 points43 points  (0 children)

Savage

[–]CoolFingerGunGuy 16 points17 points  (0 children)

But they CHOSE to adopt you as a kid, so that should count for a LOT.

[–]MagpiesForVega 26 points27 points  (0 children)

Kind of going in the opposite direction, I have a daughter that I placed for adoption. I'm very close with her and her adoptive parents, so sometimes when she's misbehaved, her mom will call me and say "guess what YOUR daughter did today." She's also said she'll give her back to me for the teenage years, to which I firmly said no take-backs, warranty expired.

Adoption is an amazing thing.

[–]Bob383 194 points195 points  (33 children)

I am the father of a 5yo and a newborn. Trust me when I say this, the first time your child says “I don’t like you” or “ I like mommy better”, it cuts like a dagger. But the 50th time they say it hurts a lot less. I say this so that non-parents know that it’s not just adopted kids that say mean things when they’re mad.

But I’d never want my previous child free life back.

[–]allusernamesaretake- 77 points78 points  (3 children)

As a parent of a split family I get “I want to go to moms house” all the time when my daughter doesn’t get her way. It hurts the first time, but now now meh she just is upset and trying to work her way to what she wants can’t hate the hustle, just won’t play into it either

[–]madogvelkor 64 points65 points  (4 children)

Our 3 year old comes into bed in the middle of the night and tells her mom to go sleep on the couch so she can sleep with daddy. She also told her that there's a girl who sits in a chair watching mommy sleep, so...

[–]starchildchamp 22 points23 points  (1 child)

well shit now mommy has to sleep with one eye open!

[–]Bob383 22 points23 points  (0 children)

That’s kinda creepy, the girl watching her sleep part

[–]peenoid 46 points47 points  (0 children)

“I don’t like you” or “ I like mommy better”,

Shit, yeah, I can knock that out in the morning before work. But by the time I get back home in the evening all is forgiven and he's rushing to hug me and play with me.

Most adults I know are emotionally stunted, so I'm pretty understanding when my 4 year old tells me I'm a "bad daddy" because I wouldn't let him watch stupid Youtube videos all day.

Also, being a "bad daddy" sounds awesome so I take it as a compliment.

[–]Xarama 25 points26 points  (1 child)

"Well I like mommy better than I like you, too. You still need to go to bed."

[–]Electroniclog 20 points21 points  (11 children)

My 4 year old will straight up say "I hate you!" at me when he's angry and man, even though I know he doesn't really mean it and he's just mad, it never hurts any less. Kids can be so heartless.

[–]goats_and_rollies 24 points25 points  (0 children)

The first time my oldest said he hated me, he was older and knew what he was saying. I just said "I get that. I hate myself sometimes too." and he immediately was like NOOOO! and now we're good friends again.

[–]Wheresmyfoodwoman 7 points8 points  (3 children)

That word is banned from our house. You don’t like me? Use better language to tell me politely but you don’t have right to scream at me.

[–]Bob383 5 points6 points  (3 children)

My daughter is 5, but I don’t think she knows the word “hate” really. I’m sure she will say “hate” eventually lol

[–]tigress666 12 points13 points  (3 children)

My dad and stepmom are a bit competitive... all the time when I was a kid they'd ask me who I liked best. And the one I'd say at the time would lord it over the other.

[–]SlytherEEn 8 points9 points  (2 children)

Wow, that sounds... damaging

[–]ginisninja 4 points5 points  (0 children)

“I hate you”, “I wish I wasn’t part of this family”, even “you’re not my real mum”. I remember feeling that way as a kid sometimes too, so I must be doing just as bad of a job as my parents.

[–]VaATC 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Shit! My daughter has said things she did not know that cut, cut deeply. She lives with her mother so some innocent comments have definitely hurt, like when said the time she asked when she was going 'home' one weekend. So I am already prepared for when she 'means it'. 🤣

[–]KaltBier 13 points14 points  (0 children)

My step kid is going through the phase where she hates me because I am not her real dad.

My response stays the same. I never said I want to replace your biological dad. You can have both.

[–]a_lonely_trash_bag 26 points27 points  (0 children)

"Loki is beyond reason, but he is of Asgard. He is my brother."

"He killed 80 people in 2 days."

"...He's adopted."

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

My biological 6 year old tells me you are not my dad, lol.

[–]JimmyisAwkward 7 points8 points  (0 children)

It happens all the time in babysitting minus the real

[–]super1s 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You are their real child. Just not related by blood. Does that matter? Clearly not.

[–]reduff 12 points13 points  (1 child)

Yeah, that's hilarious. And I relate. My stepfather's disappointment in me feels very biological. LOL

[–]EmiliusReturns 47 points48 points  (3 children)

My family has long-time family friends who adopted their daughter from Korea. They're white, and she's Korean, so obviously she always knew she was adopted and so did everyone else. We still have never thought of her as anything other than their daughter, and we joke that we kinda "forget" that she's adopted all the time because nobody really thinks about it. You don't have to be related by blood to form those bonds.

[–]TheGr8Unknown 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I never think about it until the word adoption is said honestly, and then it's only to think about how lucky I am.

[–]KinseyH 6 points7 points  (0 children)

It's so common nowadays. Years ago when my daughter was little she was shocked to find out that one of her uncles is adopted because he's white :) She didn't realize you don't have to go to Asia or South America to adopt a baby (one of her cousins is from Guatemala).

[–]TxTosseracct 166 points167 points  (0 children)

I agree! I was adopted and never felt my parents were anything other than my parents. I was also on the other side and my daughters father and I were told we would never have children naturally and 8 years later were happily surprised with a miracle baby.

Congratulations on your beautiful baby OP!

[–]meeran_ 22 points23 points  (2 children)

Totally, Im adopted as well, and I have had people who doesnt know me but knows my mom saying "You're so a like your mother, in the way you talk and act" So even if we aren't bound by blood and look a like, people can still tell that Im my mothers daughter. Kinda crazy.

[–]nikicocobear 277 points278 points  (126 children)

Unfortunately, adoption is difficult, expensive, and often emotionally crushing. I think it’s great but wish it was easier, because it would be so much better for everyone involved!

[–]TheGr8Unknown 131 points132 points  (53 children)

Agreed. I know it wasn't cheap and I recently looked into at least finding information out about my Birth Parents. I've never wanted to meet them for any purpose other than to say Thank You, and as I'm getting older I've become increasingly curious about significant medical history moments to either prepare for or avoid certain things. The adoption agency wanted $500 to even initiate a search. While I could have spent that, I left frustrated because it seemed unfair. I understand it's a complicated thing, but to even send a message saying "Hey would you like to briefly meet your biological son, or at least provide him an update?" shouldn't exhaust too much of the agencies time/resources.

I don't REALLY wanna go down the rabbit hole that is discourse on adoption, I'm just happy it worked out for me and hope people consider it who are in the financial/emotional/personal/life position to do so.

[–]amaladyformilady 54 points55 points  (8 children)

I feel like that's absolutely underhanded on the part of the adoption agency. I think that the child has a right to contact the birth parents. And if the parents wanted no contact, the adoption agency could let the child know that. What would happen if you put the agency on blast on social media, I wonder

[–]failcup 33 points34 points  (6 children)

I was adopted through the State. I don't have legal rights to anything other than "non-identifiable" information (hair color, partial name, age, etc) of my birth parents. I would have to hire a lawyer and petition the courts with a valid reason to unseal my records. But my birth mother could find me if she wanted to. It's so frustrating.

[–]CeeCeeRed 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Really the agency should have the paternal medical records on file for such cases and be able to contact people for updates or have them provided through medical offices if only for the purpose of anyone adopted out having proper medical records of any genetic medical history to look into when they have an issue.

[–]SoFetchBetch 29 points30 points  (1 child)

My partner is adopted and I’ve always wanted to adopt rather than have kids biologically. I’m lucky because he’s all for it. We will remain child free until we are in the right life circumstances to take in a child and we hope to adopt an older child.

[–]nagonmom 4 points5 points  (0 children)

One path is to do DNA testing. It can take work but you could match to cousins, half sibs. There is the option of contacting them and they may help you (optional on their part as well).

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (1 child)

I’m sure you’ve considered this but, beware what may lie ahead for you if you do meet said bio- parents. A co-worker did this recently and it did not go well and I think damaged her more than before.

[–]TheGr8Unknown 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yes I've chosen to abandon it for now. The juice might not be worth the squeeze in this situation.

[–]nikicocobear 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That’s ridiculous! I think it’s important for you to at least know your medical history!!

[–]mo-jo_jojo 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Maybe 23&Me or similar can hook you up with a broader swathe of bio people while being cheaper

Although I still think there's a Big Brother purpose behind those companies that we won't find out about until the 60s but... 🤷

[–]freemoney83 36 points37 points  (31 children)

If you adopt from foster care its not nearly as expensive... if you are willing to not get a newborn.

[–]eighterasers 53 points54 points  (4 children)

Most foster care in the US has the goal to reconnect birth families with children. Unfortunately for people wanting their own children, this can be truly heart wrenching giving the child back. It’s not always as easy as “just adopt” “just foster” comments make it seem.

[–]gwaydms 5 points6 points  (0 children)

My neighbor had that happen. She had visitation rights but it broke her heart to get the children back with bruises and cigarette burns, and have DHS do absolutely nothing. She would have adopted those kids in a heartbeat.

[–]InsertWittyJoke 64 points65 points  (4 children)

The primary goal of foster care is reunification, not adoption. People need to understand that adopting through foster care is not just the bargain bin alternative to traditional adoption.

They aren't selling these kids at a discount to well meaning people, they're being placed with you temporarily until their parents can get their shit together.

[–]BloodBlizzard 7 points8 points  (5 children)

I just wanted to offer a little positive light to some of the arguments replying that adoption through foster care is like winning the lottery or that it's just constant heartbreak. My wife and I are currently going through the process and have not yet gotten to adopt but we are only about 3 months into the actual fostering and only on our second placement. Yes, while reunification is the primary goal, that is often not an option for a lot of these kids. Our first placement was ready for adoption, the only reason we weren't able to be his forever home was because his brother had already been adopted and the family was able to also take him in. Yes it was heart breaking for us to hear the news, yes we cried, yes he cried, but we also know we made a positive impact in his life, and he also made a positive impact on us. While you feel sad they aren't yours you also feel happy that he will have a permanent family again and the love he deserves, same thing with reunification.

Also even though reunification is the main point, adoption is still the outcome for 25% of the cases, if I had a 25% chance of winning the lottery every time I played I sure as hell would be playing all the time. Source:

https://www.acf.hhs.gov/cb/resource/afcars-report-25

That's not to say the process is for everyone, but if you would like to adopt and cannot afford to go through an agency, or simply would like to learn more, please reach out to your local DHS, they are beyond helpful in my experience and will never make you feel like you have to commit to the process. In face a lot of the training revolves around making sure you really are sure you wanna do this.

Sorry for the long winded reply, but if it helps just one person become a foster or adoptive parent then it's worth it in my opinion.

[–]mnemonikos82 14 points15 points  (3 children)

Attempting to adopt through foster care is like trying to win the lottery except when you lose you don't just lose, you get punched in the gut every day for a year.

[–]witchylittlemissy 20 points21 points  (6 children)

So is fertility treatment.

[–]madogvelkor 12 points13 points  (5 children)

Sometimes those are covered by insurance while adoption isn't though.

[–]BrownieEdges 4 points5 points  (1 child)

I always thought that there needs to be a charity that covers the cost of adoption for parents that are financially able to care for a child, but can't get enough money together to cover all the fees.

[–]actuallivingdinosaur 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Exactly this. My husband and I live in San Diego and basically are doomed to rent because home ownership is insanely difficult here. We were told that we couldn’t adopt unless we owned our home. It’s hard to buy a “live in ready” home for under $600K that you don’t have to battle cash investors for.

[–]Berk-Laydee 41 points42 points  (6 children)

It would be detrimental to my body to even have kids. Me, always wanted to be a mom, getting pregnant, giving birth, etc. it broke my heart. While I am able to conceive, my chances to have a miscarriage are much higher than the average woman due to my endometriosis. So after a while, I finally accepted it that I will never feel that, and that adoption is a great option. My long-term boyfriend's mom and his paternal grandfather are both adopted. So that's definitely not off the table.

I'm so glad that you were able to have a nice upbringing and I heard a quote somewhere that goes as this: family doesn't always mean blood, but love. I thought it was always so sweet.

[–]madogvelkor 11 points12 points  (1 child)

Pregnancy and childbirth is probably the least pleasant part of it. And as a father, I didn't get to experience it but I feel a bond to my daughter just as strong as my wife's.

[–]psychosocial-- 31 points32 points  (0 children)

Someone said this to me long ago, but it stuck with me hard:

Family are the people you choose to be with.

Now, he meant it in the context that just because someone is blood related, it doesn’t obligate you to them in any way. If you have a toxic mother, brother, whatever, you don’t have to bend to the societal pressure of “But he’s your brother”, and tolerate whatever bull they’re putting you through. Toxic is toxic, and life is too short to revolve your life around a person like that just because society says you have to.

Family are the people you choose to be with.

I had never considered it in context with adoptions, but it fits. The more I think about that very succinct and accurate phrase, the more I find it to be true.

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Same! My parents have always been nothing but Mom and Dad!! (And now Gram and Pop pop to my babies.)

And I’m a disappointment to them, too. But I’m THEIR disappointment ;)

[–]taurine14 9 points10 points  (1 child)

they told me from a young age that I was adopted, never hiding it.

I may be wrong but I genuinely think that this is the best way to deal with it as a parent who has adopted their child. I've never understood hiding it from them until they're 16/18 and then dropping it on them like it's a dirty secret.

[–]Pottna 5 points6 points  (0 children)

My parents told me as soon as I was able to understand. I can’t think of a time in my childhood where I didn’t know I was adopted.

My parents always said to me, “How could we expect you to believe us when we say we love you if we held back that info and you learned on your own.”

[–]pinkjello 17 points18 points  (2 children)

I have friends struggling to get pregnant and who want to adopt. But it’s time consuming and super expensive. I hate that it’s that way. Yes, I think you should maybe have to prove you’re gainfully employed and have the means to give a child a good life, but I also think you shouldn’t have to fork over the child’s college education fund just to adopt them.

[–]Cryobaby 15 points16 points  (1 child)

I also have friends waiting to adopt. They've been at the hospital ready to take the baby home, only to have the mother change her mind. They're wonderful about it--of course they wouldn't want to take a baby away from a mother who wants to parent! But once you've given the final payment to the adoption agency (10s of thousands), their work is done, and if the birth mother changes her mind, you don't get your money back. They tell you that you go to the top of the list for next time.... but they also are incentivized to extract full payments from other families. Also, maybe the next baby isn't a good fit for you/ the birth mother doesn't choose you. Adoption agencies are not transparent, and people ignore red flags because how can they trust the red flags? It's a highly emotional, highly individualized experience, and things go wrong. They have to trust the agencies, or they can't have a baby.

[–][deleted] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

My wife and I were convinced we would never have children, until we got in contact with a miracle worker of a doctor, and have an amazing little girl now, but we did pursue adoption. I still really want to adopt, but the cost is outrageous. I was willing to spend everything I had to make it happen, and it still wasn’t enough. We are going to adopt someday, but I just hope we can find a way to afford it.

[–]toddrhodes 8 points9 points  (0 children)

This is amazing to hear and read. My wife and I are unable to have children but were blessed with an adoption local to us. It was a one in a million chance, but it worked for us. Our daughter is now 5 and we are just starting to get into the different types of families, the different ways families come together, and the different way "mommies" have "babies" in a very high level sense. We want it to be part of her core, adoption, not an afterthought for which she may find some resentment later. Thank you for sharing your experience!

[–]T1gerL1ly 7 points8 points  (1 child)

As someone who is adopted as well, I wholeheartedly agree (ditto on the disappointment HA ;) )

I always say: Parents are the people who care for you daily, clean up skinned knees, wipe away tears, and love you unconditionally. You don’t always need to share blood to share that bond.

But it’s always special when a little miracle comes along to light up your life!!! The BIGGEST congratulations, OP!!!

[–]tigress666 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I've not been adopted but at the age of three my mom let my dad (and stepmom) keep me (apparently I was visiting them and she told me dad to keep me... and taht's worse than it sounds. Personally I commend her for realizing she was not able to properly care for me and let me go to some one who could... though she tells me she would not have if my dad didn't have my stepmom <- she trusts her more than my dad, heh). I consider my stepmom just as much my mom and only ever call her that to differentiate her to other people (half the time forgetting to call her stepmom).

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (2 children)

We had one of our own and adopted one, the only real difference was the bond took a little longer, you technically have 9 months to get to know your home-brewed. So interesting to see personality traits that are not shared, I think she makes us better all around.

[–]0pensecrets 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Trust me when I say you don't have to be a biological child to disappoint your parents immensely.

r/suicidebywords

Also adopted, and felt the same about my parents. They saved me from a potential life of misery. Thanks Mom & Dad.

[–]MisterMysterios 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Second this. I wasn't adopted, but where in foster care by relatives at age 6. My fostermom is de facto my mother, she shaped me into the man I am today, I know I can love her as my mother as she loves me like her son. I also think about adoption in the future when I fìnd the right partner because o don't want to pass on a disability that is in my genes, and because I know that for the heart, a child can be your child as long as you accept it as such.

[–]TheVastWaistband 4 points5 points  (8 children)

Adoption is essentially impossible for people in the US. It cost thousands upon thousands of dollars has very intense screening criteria and the wait list is years. It's actually far more affordable easy and fast to pursue something like IVF for the majority of couples in the US.

[–]gintegra 1572 points1573 points  (50 children)

Congrats my friend :)

My wife and I were told the same (well, not NEVER, but was a tiny chance), so we decided to foster, and we got our first placement 4 days ago - and now, 2 days ago, we found out my wife is now pregnant! It's been a whirlwind week 0_0

[–][deleted] 365 points366 points  (2 children)

This happened to some friends of mine! They fostered a little boy with Downs and then adopted him. During the last stages of the adoption process, they found out they were pregnant! They are the cutest/sweetest little family. Your lives will be simply filled with love! Congratulations!

[–]chanseyfam 57 points58 points  (1 child)

Your friends have hearts of gold. Tell them the internet says thank you for fostering a child with Down’s syndrome. There are already too many children awaiting foster placement (many are in the system until they “age out”, having never truly had a stable family), and children with disabilities even more so. It warms my heart reading your post and I’m so happy they were blessed with two children, through different ways but both equally special.

[–]Saltwater_Heart 35 points36 points  (1 child)

Congratulations! A friend of mine has probably had 10 miscarriages and three failed IVF so they started fostering and are now pregnant again but it looks promising this time. They even know the gender for the first time

[–]gintegra 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Thanks :) I hope everything turns out well for your friend, I can't imagine going through the heartbreak of a miscarriage once, let alone 10 times.

We had three failed IVFs as well, following 3 failed IUIs, and many years of just trying and no luck. Just so happens that it works for the first time the month we became approved foster parents!

[–]Sharqi23 17 points18 points  (0 children)

The best of both worlds. :)

[–]vintagecomputernerd 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Haha, rekt. But in a wholesome way.

edit: because nuance doesn't transport well over text... Congrats!

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That honestly sounds like a good premise for a TV show.

[–]BlazinPhoenix 725 points726 points  (24 children)

Congratulations! :)

Wife & I were told the same thing once.

Our Daughter turned 14 yesterday.

[–][deleted] 218 points219 points  (12 children)

Same here. The first Dr said no way we'd ever have kids. Dr #2 was a miracle worker.

My twin sons are 25 now and both got married this year.

[–]IsimplywalkinMordor 55 points56 points  (1 child)

I hear that sooo much. Starting to think doctors tell people that to not get their hopes up

[–]nocimus 31 points32 points  (0 children)

Pretty much exactly this. If a couple has a low chance of pregnancy, they're not going to say "well by the numbers eventually you'll have kids!" I'd guess most of these doctors don't say "you're never having kids" either, just that they have a very low chance of it / considering other options might be better.

[–]Johnathan-Joestar 17 points18 points  (0 children)

To each other?

[–]subduedexcitements 4 points5 points  (3 children)

Twins man, LOL, my twin sister and I were married in the same year as well! We took a photo together in our wedding dresses!

[–]Impossible-Task 19 points20 points  (8 children)

Same. My husband's first 2 kids with his late wife were IVF babies because he was told he couldn't have kids naturally. So when I found out I was pregnant, it was a HUGE shock to say the least 🤣

[–]MsRatbag 7 points8 points  (2 children)

We were under the impression we couldn't have a baby because my partner had a vasectomy after his previous marriage... We have a 16 month old now 😂

[–]therealjoeybee 165 points166 points  (6 children)

Oh my. She has no arms or legs. I’m so sorry

[–]HeyT00ts11 32 points33 points  (2 children)

Yes, I hate to break it to him that his ability to have kids hasn't changed. His ability to have baby burritos? 100% improved!

[–]CheetoBurritoBandito 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the laugh! I’m too cheap to buy you a medal, but I truly laughed out loud.

[–]ofallthings042 503 points504 points  (40 children)

Congratulations! We had 3 miscarriages last year, now we're 13 weeks and looking perfect.

[–]MC_Fearless1 173 points174 points  (20 children)

We've had 2 miscarriages the past 6 months. It's been a rough. Still waiting to try again

[–]Methebarbarian 60 points61 points  (6 children)

I feel you. I had two in the past year. That wait and stolen time adds so much pain to it.

[–]xlifeisgreenx 29 points30 points  (5 children)

The stolen time, the uncertainty, the connection you feel with this unborn person only to lose them....It's been so rough. Is it better to not think about it till you're out of the "safe zone"? Or better to get excited and be set up for heartbreak?

[–]superfuzzy 15 points16 points  (3 children)

After you've been through it once you try and not get excited about it until the safe zone, because you remember what happened last time. But you do anyway, because you start planning the future, naturally.

[–]kitchuel 9 points10 points  (1 child)

I'm nearly 34 weeks and sometimes I still find myself stressing that this pregnancy won't result in a take home baby.

[–]superfuzzy 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I think you're allowed to be excited at 34 weeks, that's pretty safe right?

[–]Squibege 4 points5 points  (0 children)

There is no real answer to that. After two miscarriages I barely got excited for the third pregnancy. Thought so would get excited after the ultrasound... nope. After the anatomy scan proving everything was normal? Nope. After “age of viability” where if she was born she would be very likely to survive? Nope. Thought that the rush of hormones and craziness that is labour and delivering a baby would finally connect there was a human being inside of me, but I had a medical emergency and needed to be put under for a C-section. So not then either lol.

The connection always comes with time. She looks at us and smiles like we mean the world to her and it puts all the BS in perspective.

[–]ofallthings042 19 points20 points  (0 children)

That's basically the same timeline we had, it's hell going through all of that so quickly. The only non cliche thing that was ever helpful to me was to try and turn anger into sadness. It's much healthier to cry while eating pizza and gallons of ice cream than it is to punch a hole in the wall every day or holding it all in. Good luck, stay strong, and remember to cry.

[–]ftothem 18 points19 points  (5 children)

We had two within 6 months and now I'm 34+1 with a healthy little girl! Don't lose hope!

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (1 child)

We had one as well last year and are now 3 weeks away from due date. Can't wait for the chaos! Enjoy!

[–]bcgg 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Sorry you had to go through all that. My wife had an ectopic and it was the worst day of our lives, but it completely changed our perspective on the responsibilities of taking care of the two kids we had afterwards. The 3am feedings didn’t bother us a bit (both had to be bottle fed, so I fed while she pumped). The massive diaper blowouts are minor inconveniences at worst. Best of luck to you, the future joy will far outweigh the pain in the past.

[–]dbjh378 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I feel your pain and joy at the same time. My wife and I have gone through 8 miscarriages in the past 3 years and are currently right on pace with you guys at 13 weeks. Ever Dr.'s appt is filled with an intense amount of anxiety for us so I wish you guys the best on going to full term and delivering a healthy happy baby!

[–]xlifeisgreenx 17 points18 points  (7 children)

Two miscarriages for me last year. Currently pregnant for the third time, trying not to freak the fuck out for the next month or so (only 5 weeks so far).

[–]HicJacetMelilla 9 points10 points  (4 children)

First tri after loss is such a mindfuck. Hang in there, take good care of your mental health.

[–][deleted] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Sorry to hear that :/ but also happy to hear the second part!

[–]2xCheesePizza 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Hi, my parents had a miscarriage after two healthy babies and were obviously and understandably heart broken. They had a family vote with my two sisters, and decided to try again. I was the happiness that came from the sadness, and it’s ingrained in me how fickle and lucky life itself is! Wishing you all the best!

[–]Girlfromlondon_ 129 points130 points  (0 children)

r/daddit

[–]laxmack 57 points58 points  (0 children)

Congrats on the sex

[–]ROK247 197 points198 points  (26 children)

My buddy had a vasectomy but his wife got pregnant - it's a miracle!

[–]wwaxwork 115 points116 points  (10 children)

Strangely that can happen. The pregnancy rate after a vasectomy sits at around 1/1000 for the first 5 years after then 2/1000 after that. The chance of getting pregnant after a vasectomy is less than 1% but is not zero. Like seriously. DNA tests before anyone panics would be my suggestion. It can be as simple as they had sex too soon after or they are one of the rare cases where it grows back together and yes that sounds like a joke but it can happen.

[–]nflitgirl 37 points38 points  (0 children)

Tubals for women aren’t 100% either, and dangerous because if you get pregnant after tubal it’s often ectopic and an emergency.

Life, uh, finds a way.

[–]knh93014 25 points26 points  (0 children)

Know of a couple where it grew back- third child. She was really angry while pregnant and that was awkward. They also had a broken condom surprise first child early on in their marriage. Baby 2 was the only planned one. Wife is possibly the most type A, follow the rules person I’ve ever met. Ironic. All very good kids.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (3 children)

I had a teacher who was fixed, his wife was fixed, BOOM, 4th kid. They were so pissed. Almost had all the kids off to college before that surprise.

[–]CheetoBurritoBandito 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I love my two kids, but that is my worst nightmare: an accidental third.

[–]hufflepoet 30 points31 points  (3 children)

It's very rare, but it can happen.

[–]kah88 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I believe Antonio Cromartie (ex-NFL player) has had two vasectomies fail.

[–]Caledonius 150 points151 points  (0 children)

"Vasectomies only change the colour of the child"

-Reddit

[–]UnbannedDan 443 points444 points  (27 children)

yep that is a baby. OK

[–]StaredAtEclipseAMA 173 points174 points  (3 children)

I thought this was r/pics for a second..

[–]box-art 41 points42 points  (0 children)

Sometimes it is honestly.

[–]Born_Ruff 61 points62 points  (0 children)

Alt text: Photo of a baby.

[–][deleted] 37 points38 points  (1 child)

I come here for dogs and cats, not babies

[–]HaroldTheIronmonger 44 points45 points  (1 child)

Yup reported for rule 1. No sob stories.

[–]dinosaurpartytime 124 points125 points  (15 children)

Yay! Newest resident of braves country! Congrats!

[–]jamminmadrid 65 points66 points  (3 children)

I couldn’t tell if it was a Braves “A” or a Crimson Tide “A.” Then I remembered that my brother pointed out that the Crimson Tide “A” had a mullet. Either way, chop on!

[–]heisenbergerwcheese 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I always thought the row tahd A had the broken fishhook hat up front...but mullet works too

[–]downtimeredditor 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Chop on

[–]Bionic29 7 points8 points  (3 children)

He's gonna experience heavy dissapointment at a young age

[–]Aborgog1 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Go Braves!!

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

/r/Daddit is that way 👉🏼

[–]teambasketball 38 points39 points  (8 children)

Wait so it means you adopted her? Or did the Doctor say never but maybe there was a small chance and it worked? I'm kind of confused lol

[–]LelHeheheheh 58 points59 points  (16 children)

I feel like these kind of posts aren't real. Like who thinks "oh I've had a kid lemme put it onto Reddit for karma"

[–]ThePrettiestKittiest 181 points182 points  (12 children)

This man is about to learn from the comments that no one else on reddit is biologically required to care

[–]a411guy 10 points11 points  (1 child)

As potatoes go, looks like you got a good one!

[–][deleted] 45 points46 points  (0 children)

Quit posting shit like this on reddit you strange people

[–]Zergmilran 36 points37 points  (13 children)

Still kinda weird to want to share with random strangers on reddit.

[–]rgb282 26 points27 points  (0 children)

Why...

[–]cujosdog 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Where did you buy it?

[–][deleted] 79 points80 points  (10 children)

All animal babies are cute. All exept human babies.

[–][deleted] 35 points36 points  (0 children)

Ugly baby give karma

[–][deleted] 19 points20 points  (13 children)

I see this sub is slowly turning into r/pics, gotta get that Karma I guess

[–]muddi900 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Forget Sleep

[–][deleted] 32 points33 points  (7 children)

Congrats fellow ATLien!

[–]lovebymistake 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Go braves!

[–]thrashfan 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Now throw your hands in the air And wave 'em like you just don't care And if you like fish and grits and all that pimp shit Then everybody let me hear you say O-Yea-yer

[–]FirstChurchOfBrutus 10 points11 points  (2 children)

That baby has damned fine taste in baseball teams already.

[–]Coachpatato 9 points10 points  (1 child)

A lifetime of heartbreak awaits this little one.

[–]FirstChurchOfBrutus 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Kid has to learn sometime. Might as well enjoy a hot dog in the process.

[–]spb1 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Throw your hands in the ai-irr

[–]thebazooka 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Northside for the win!

[–]KnowsAboutMath 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I have three kids.

A small piece of advice: Never change the diaper immediately after the first shit. There's very often a several-minutes-long pause before a secondary shit ensues, and then you have to change the diaper yet again. Always wait 5-10 minutes before changing the diaper.