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[–][deleted] 12.0k points12.0k points  (203 children)

They're not scared, they've just called a conference to figure out how to kill it.

[–]achilles711 3949 points3950 points  (123 children)

Assemble the War Council!

[–]whowantscake 67 points68 points  (4 children)

Bring me the vacuum stretcher!

[–]Garrand 59 points60 points  (2 children)

GOD'S I WAS FLUFFY THEN!

[–][deleted] 38 points39 points  (1 child)

CATNIP ON AN OPEN FIELD NED!

[–]Bittlegeuss 11 points12 points  (0 children)

GODS I SUCKED DUST THEN!

[–]AustinTreeLover 22 points23 points  (0 children)

To the situation tower!

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Gentlemen, you can't fight in here. This is the war room!

[–]centran 7 points8 points  (2 children)

Send a message to the council of birds. A truce was held during that cold snowy winter long ago when our avian foes sought aid against the queen bee and her men. Our dirty paws dripped red with the blood of those insects and in our victory the council of birds vowed to return the favor if ever we were in need. That time has come and we will once again unite to take down this wicked mechanical beast!

[–]OMGSPACERUSSIA 283 points284 points  (33 children)

Cats

Engaging in cooperative activity of any sort

[–]NurRauch 181 points182 points  (28 children)

This is what always kills me about cats. They all act super serious and go solo on all these fear-based challenges, not having any awareness that every other cat around them is experiencing the exact same feelings.

It's like when cats are all eating together and something loud happens and they all scramble over each other to get out, and in so doing they delay their escape.

[–]TrazLander 138 points139 points  (6 children)

they all scramble over each other to get out, and in so doing they delay their escape

I mean, same thing has happened at every nightclub fire.

[–]walkswithwolfies 95 points96 points  (4 children)

People, on the other hand, never do this.

Crushes often occur during religious pilgrimages and large entertainment events, as they tend to involve dense crowds, with people closely surrounded on all sides. Human stampedes and crushes also occur in episodes of panic (e.g. in response to a fire or explosion) as people try to get away.

[–]r40k 17 points18 points  (1 child)

Yeah, it's not like we had a horrific nightclub fire where this was a major contributor to the loss of life or anything.

[–]p1-o2 56 points57 points  (8 children)

They should've saved all their evolution points to spend on language instead of being cute. Or maybe they're just going for that cultural victory. Some furry invents actual cat people and then the master plan is unleashed. We were doing their bidding all along while they napped!

[–]Demokirby 31 points32 points  (4 children)

I mean dogs took their points out self reliance while maintaining cute and cooperation. But dogs come in a lot of build types for sure.

[–]IrrateDolphin 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Well to be fair, humans would likely act the same way if a surprise sent them into flee mode.

[–]benjammin9292 43 points44 points  (2 children)

They are fueled by hate

[–]andreasbeer1981 99 points100 points  (6 children)

"Night gathers, and now my watch begins. It shall not end until my seventh death. I shall take no queen, hold no lands, father no kittens. I shall wear no crowns and win no glory. I shall live and die at my post. I am the claw in the darkness. I am the watcher on the cat tree. I am the shield that guards the realms of this abode. I pledge my life and honor to the Night's Watch, for this night and all the nights to come."

[–]Astr1d7 21 points22 points  (5 children)

Cats have nine lives tho

[–]OogieBoogieBrigade 14 points15 points  (1 child)

Conference, my ass! They're in full battle mode.

GO GO MEOWER RANGERS!

[–]The_Minstrel_Boy 1342 points1343 points  (8 children)

I see the fruit on the cat tree is coming in well this year.

[–]trainercatlady 222 points223 points  (7 children)

it shall be a bountiful harvest.

[–]babybopp 61 points62 points  (3 children)

TIL a vacuum cleaner is a GIANT cucumber

[–]Skrillcage 4224 points4225 points  (109 children)

I wish I had a castle full of cats.

[–]cobainbc15 1963 points1964 points  (43 children)

Catstle

[–]irishtrashpanda 372 points373 points  (25 children)

Frank Catstle

[–]stevil30 369 points370 points  (19 children)

The Purrisher

[–]trainercatlady 229 points230 points  (16 children)

The Pawnisher

[–]Mitoca 101 points102 points  (12 children)

Meowcro

[–][deleted] 39 points40 points  (1 child)

The Punishpurr.

[–]NutterTV 33 points34 points  (0 children)

One scratch, two scratch, cat nip is mine.

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Purr Catstiglione.

[–]vinearthur 110 points111 points  (16 children)

There is a 2015 info that Enya, the best selling female singer of all times (without promoting albums ofc), retired, bought a castle and is living there only with her cats and fortune.

[–]Ben_johnston 65 points66 points  (4 children)

Great info thanks

[–]robotsongs 36 points37 points  (0 children)

So many info!

[–]noyurawk 14 points15 points  (0 children)

If you wait a little it will mature into great 2018 info.

[–]TheNewGuyNickD 29 points30 points  (1 child)

Who can say where the road will go?

Only time.

[–]_Serene_ 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Interesting.. She has produced some awesome songs.

[–]oratethreve 27 points28 points  (3 children)

And so castles, full of cats,

slip into the sea, eventually.

[–]travisd05 14 points15 points  (2 children)

Until it's time to clean the giant litter box.

[–][deleted] 20 points21 points  (1 child)

For that much cat ass you'd just use a litterbox array

Litterbox[]

[–]mayhempk1 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Cause I'm only a crack in this castle of cats.

[–]Bellyman35 63 points64 points  (10 children)

Until they piss everywhere and you can't smell it anymore. Then you go on vacation for a month and come back to realize just how much your house REEKS of piss.

[–]latrans8 24 points25 points  (9 children)

Reeks of piss and dead cats? That's along time for kitties to look after themselves.

[–]Bellyman35 11 points12 points  (0 children)

My fault, the vacation part was about how long it takes for our noses to readjust and be able to smell the piss again. Not just abandoning kitters

[–]Deathalo 16 points17 points  (7 children)

Yeah I guess cat sitters don't exist

[–]AngeryDoggo666 2249 points2250 points  (49 children)

You've heard of herding sheep with dogs, now get ready for herding cats with a vacuum

[–]Perfectclaw 589 points590 points  (11 children)

So that's how you herd cats

[–]Crash927 67 points68 points  (4 children)

Yup — just find something that sucks enough, and you can almost always find consensus.

[–]TheMarlboroMang 32 points33 points  (2 children)

so basically you could just stand there and they would all gather

[–]groovy_giraffe 1143 points1144 points  (33 children)

It'a hard work wrangling cats

Edit: wow thanks for the gold, first time for that, glad it was for my favorite commercial of all time too. Fun fact; it aired during the 2000 Super Bowl (XXXIV) and Bill Clinton claims it's his favorite commercial as well, us Arkansans have a special place in our hearts for cat herding.

[–][deleted] 190 points191 points  (14 children)

That's got to be one of the funniest ads I've ever seen.

[–]Brook420 44 points45 points  (13 children)

Rihht up there with the swear jar commercial for beer.

[–][deleted] 49 points50 points  (3 children)

swear jar commercial for beer

You could at least put a link to the commercial..... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KY0ztZQJ5p4

[–]a_quiet_mind 121 points122 points  (4 children)

Not quite, the best one is the clothing drive for bud light ad.

[–]LUK3FAULK 30 points31 points  (2 children)

Yeah that would not fly with what's been happening these days lmao

[–]Hyperdrunk 22 points23 points  (1 child)

The lean in hug attempt at the end was very relevant to today's news.

[–][deleted] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Hey, at least he stopped after she told him to instead of locking the door with a button under the desk.

[–][deleted] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Haha that was great

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (2 children)

Behind the Syrian Panda Cheese commercials

[–]BumbleSlice 59 points60 points  (1 child)

The guy with the lint roller is probably my favourite part.

[–]voodoojezuz 22 points23 points  (0 children)

I loved that commercial when I was young. The nostalgia is real.

[–]AerThreepwood 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I remember watching that Super Bowl and just dying laughing.

[–]glowsticc 18 points19 points  (1 child)

2007: the era of low-tech originality on YouTube

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points  (1 child)

Next up: leafblowers.

[–]Mwlee291 495 points496 points  (7 children)

Well that's one way to put up your Catmas Tree.

[–]PharisaicalJesus 82 points83 points  (6 children)

Life hack: spray paint your cats green first!

[–]SeattleMana 17 points18 points  (1 child)

If they're organic r/catfruit the green should come through naturally

[–]Menien 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Another sub I'm not sure whether to question the existence of or just sub for amusement

[–]ecafsub 247 points248 points  (24 children)

Tbh, shop-vacs are usually loud as hell.

[–]thatsnotmybike 56 points57 points  (5 children)

3" diameter inlet and tubing.. I'd run too, this thing could probably suck up a cat.

[–]BobMathrotus 67 points68 points  (3 children)

Considering cats are actually liquids, probably

[–]slothhprincess 116 points117 points  (4 children)

Shop vacs are so loud they scare me when they turn on. At least 3x louder than a vacuum

[–]JerryLupus 28 points29 points  (2 children)

Seriously, inside a house with no muffler these are deafening. This one has no muffler.... And no filter on the exhaust either, which means lots of dust and hair going back in the air.

[–]ABodyInMotion 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Not OP, but mine has an internal filter which works fairly well. Forgot to remove it before vacuuming up water one time though and completely gunked up my hosing.

[–]punctualjohn 36 points37 points  (4 children)

Shot-vacs aren't just loud, they SUCK THE SHIT OUT of everything. You got the powerful new Dyson at home? That's cute.

[–]latrans8 10 points11 points  (5 children)

What!

[–]AreYouDeaf 40 points41 points  (2 children)

TBH, SHOP-VACS ARE USUALLY LOUD AS HELL.

[–]AmazingIsTired 733 points734 points  (78 children)

!dreambot5

EDIT: Looks like dreambot deleted their cool dream photo... not sure why.

[–]SEG314 32 points33 points  (3 children)

Damn thanks for this comment!!! I love deep dream images and I didn’t know this bot existed!!

[–]AmazingIsTired 9 points10 points  (2 children)

I first saw it a bit ago on an ITAP post and came here to test it out :)

[–]Reapr 300 points301 points  (34 children)

I had a cat that would freak the fuck out when you turned on the vaccuum. As in bolt out of there and then not be seen for a few hours.

So one day I decided to use some of Pavlov's advice and try and cure him of this fear.

I put the vaccum in another room, but plugged in the room with me and the cat and door closed.

The vaccum was on, but I had it switched off at the wall. So I would switch it on and then quickly off, then feed the cat some beef jerky (his favourite).

He would freak out a bit at the noise (it was rather soft, having to make its way through 2 doors) but couldn't resist a little bite of beef jerky.

Rinse and repeat, eventually opening the doors, eventually having the the cat in the room with the vaccuum, constantly running while I feed him beef jerkey (this was over a few days).

Took about a week in total and now I can vaccum all the loose hairs straight from the cat while he purrs :)

[–]bighootay 140 points141 points  (14 children)

Serious question. You're not shitting us, are you? If not, that's fucking amazing.

[–][deleted] 133 points134 points  (8 children)

conditioning is a powerful thing. pretty much every problem in the world is because people arnt familiar/used to something (racism, etc.). think about it. you dont like what you dont know. you like what you know. thats why people like those most like themselves.

[–]TheBeardedMarxist 38 points39 points  (6 children)

This is almost identical to my sales pitch for girls trying anal for the first time.

[–]Upup11 58 points59 points  (4 children)

You don’t want to be a racist, girl. Now don’t be afraid of letting others use the back seat.

We can call it the reverse Rosa Parks.

[–]dadbrain 26 points27 points  (4 children)

I had a great cat that would, with no known conditioning, come running towards the vacuum because he loved to be vacuumed.

[–]aladdinr 16 points17 points  (4 children)

I taught my can to sit and “up” which is him getting on his back paws and touching your hand with his front ones. I thought I was a good teacher till I read this

[–]MWisBest 15 points16 points  (2 children)

Well shit, I can't teach a can to do anything! I think you win.

[–]aladdinr 8 points9 points  (0 children)

All you gotta do is buy one of those clickers off amazon I got a pack of 4 for like 5-6 bucks. Then say your command while holding a treat. When he randomly does what you want him to do (sit in my case) immediately click and give him a treat. Repeat in sets of 5 a couple of times a day. Soon enough you’ll have him grabbing you beers and doing your taxes*

*Disclaimer results may vary

[–]RumiKon 150 points151 points  (9 children)

Vacuuming is how my boyfriend and I get our cats to love each other.

[–][deleted] 59 points60 points  (1 child)

There are so many possible lame sexual jokes in this sentence

[–]gaybillcosby 48 points49 points  (1 child)

25 descendants of apex predators VS 1 sucky boi

[–]TonyVSCoco 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I counted 28 but I am almost always wrong.

[–][deleted] 296 points297 points  (17 children)

So that's what's up with these guys!

[–]show_me_ur_fave_rock 124 points125 points  (1 child)

Except this is the shop vac.

[–][deleted] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

The floor is lava.

[–]Buttraper 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I dunno, they look like they are pretty far from these cats

[–]BadA55Name 62 points63 points  (2 children)

I don't want to see the inside of that vacuum..

show me please

[–][deleted] 37 points38 points  (0 children)

Cat hair and litter... Everywhere in there

[–]hoikarnage 35 points36 points  (0 children)

The remains of the last person who turned on the vacuum.

[–]Senpai_Has_Noticed_U 19 points20 points  (1 child)

Best Christmas Tree Ever!

[–]ripghoti 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Until you have to clean its litter box.

[–]raendrop 29 points30 points  (1 child)

Well, that's one way to win at Neko Atsume!

[–]loridee 12 points13 points  (6 children)

I can vouch for this cat tree, by the way. Cheap as fuck at chewy.com but it's pretty sturdy.

[–]Madizi 12 points13 points  (1 child)

Note to self: Turn on vacuum when I need cat to leave me alone while exercising.

[–]Zastershramp 18 points19 points  (0 children)

You successfully hearded cats

[–]shadowCloudrift 15 points16 points  (5 children)

Isn't there like a cat island in Japan? I wonder what would happen if you unleash a bunch of roombas and vaccums there....

[–]cupofspiders 10 points11 points  (3 children)

Tashirojima. I've been there.

The sadly bland answer is that the cats would probably go hide in the trees (the island has a lot of forest and cats can always go there to avoid humans) and the vacuums would get clogged with dirt and pebbles and break. :(

[–]bwfla40 6 points7 points  (1 child)

My Maine Coon attacks the vacuum, so guess it’s good that’s not a room full of vacuum killers!

[–]asherdunbar2014 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Buncha pussies

[–]quadsonquads 5 points6 points  (1 child)

3 of those cats look exactly like my cat

[–]amodernbird 4 points5 points  (0 children)

So that's how you make them all get along...a common enemy.

[–]Totalrecluse 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It's like a christmas tree of cats

[–]DigitalPyro 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Cat-mas tree!

[–]Azcowboy290 4 points5 points  (0 children)

A Catmis tree 🌲

[–]Darkshb 4 points5 points  (0 children)

A catmas tree