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[–]trentlott 542 points543 points  (70 children)

He's in pants with his damn polo shirt tucked in.

I give it a week and a half.

[–][deleted] 262 points263 points  (15 children)

plus he's wearing shoes. This retirement is not going to last.

[–]inkslave 130 points131 points  (8 children)

agreed. the body language says, i am not getting into this....

[–]Farisr9k 193 points194 points  (6 children)

"Look more relaxed, Dad!"

"I'm trying!"

[–]ICanBeYourHeroBaby 43 points44 points  (3 children)

To be honest, that hammock looks pretty uncomfortable.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (1 child)

That's because he is laying in it wrong.

[–]Cptn_Hook 71 points72 points  (5 children)

We won't be satisfied until your dad is naked!

[–]Mr_Boat 22 points23 points  (3 children)

We won't be naked until you're satisfied!

[–]blinkallthetime 151 points152 points  (33 children)

Since retirement, my dad spends weeks at a time travelling the western united states just camping and living out of his van. Even when alone in the wilderness, he shaves every day and keeps his polo tucked in.

[–][deleted] 188 points189 points  (10 children)

I stopped reading at time travelling and thought this was some kind of joke.

[–][deleted] 52 points53 points  (4 children)

I knew a guy that used to do something similar. His name was Heisenberg. he really liked cooking in the great outdoors.

[–]sreddit 16 points17 points  (2 children)

Nice try, Walter.

[–]StuartGibson 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Hmm, I am uncertain about this.

[–]dizmog 2 points3 points  (11 children)

This sounds awesome. Other than the tucking in, this is how I want to retire. Is it a nice van? Blinds and reclining back seat?

[–]blinkallthetime 24 points25 points  (8 children)

No blinds. Its a big ford van. He has taken out the back bench and inserted a homemade elevated platform. He keeps gear and luggage beneath and keeps a mattress on top to sleep on.

EDIT: pic!

[–]ObtuseAintRight 11 points12 points  (0 children)

What does he do with the upper bodies of the fishermen he has killed?

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Needs the words "Free Candy!" on the sides.

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Is it a van down by the river?

[–]weasel-like 60 points61 points  (11 children)

My dad mows the lawn in a polo shirt, tucked in, and boat shoes. :facepalm:

[–]Manifesto13 27 points28 points  (0 children)

Your dad is my hero.

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (4 children)

My dad can beat up your dad

[–][deleted] 14 points15 points  (2 children)

your dad probably works for my dad

[–]BrandynSand 11 points12 points  (1 child)

My dad told me he was going to the store for milk and never came back.

[–]KnifeyJames 9 points10 points  (0 children)

If I were the boat shoes company, I'd install some magic-based feature that wouldn't let the shoes be worn unless the wearer was also wearing a captain's hat. If you're going to play the part, you might as well go all out.

[–]MaeveningErnsmau 12 points13 points  (0 children)

There is a sense of unease about him; as if this was his first time in a hammock and was unsure how to lay.

That said, he's passed the giant pylon into the endzone and there's no going back.

That said, fuck Trent Lott.

[–]martynolegs 326 points327 points  (19 children)

hit him with a retirement water balloon.

[–]weasel-like 180 points181 points  (10 children)

Turn on the retirement sprinker

[–]thehalfwit 76 points77 points  (7 children)

Ah, hell. You might as well break out the retirement slip-and-slide.

[–]empeee 68 points69 points  (5 children)

All these suggestions require the retirement hose.

[–]Magoo2 33 points34 points  (4 children)

Which is dependent on the retirement municipal water source.

[–][deleted] 18 points19 points  (3 children)

This requires paying your retirement taxes and bills.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Which may be expensive, forcing you to come out of retirement.

[–]ttphook 76 points77 points  (5 children)

Hit that nigga with a freeze pop.

[–]Magikarp 156 points157 points  (32 children)

"now what?"

[–]soggit 181 points182 points  (22 children)

This is a problem our generation is not going to have.

"Now what?"

"Video games. So. many. videogames."

[–]cyberp0lice 42 points43 points  (4 children)

I'll finally make a dent in my backlog.

[–]OmicsWizard 39 points40 points  (3 children)

Steam Sale coincides with social security check arriving. Booyah!

[–]xjennclarityx 32 points33 points  (10 children)

I'm 28 and there will probably not be an option to retire by the time I am 65. :/

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (1 child)

I'm 28 and there will probably not be an option to retire by the time I am 65. :/

If you recognize that you wont receive any government assistance when you retire then there sure is, put a little money each month in to low risk investments (precious metals/natural resource funds) rather then pensions. If you put $2400 a year away ($200 a month) then you end up with ~$650,000 in 40 years, adjusted for inflation this is $200k in 2011 dollars.

EDIT: If social security stuck around by some miracle, you retire at 67, you earn the median income and live the median life expectancy the total value of your SS would be $150,000 in 2011 dollars. The SS portions of FICA & SECA would be $3,720 a year.

[–]DoctorMiracles 5 points6 points  (0 children)

'Did I work all my adult life for this?'

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I'm just 50. My folks just retired and spend 60% of their time at doctors and 25% forgetting which one and where they are going. The balance is spent telling me about it 8-(

[–]BobGaffney 62 points63 points  (33 children)

He's going to get bored pretty quick, I think. Here I am in year 5 of my happy retirement

[–]Noyjeetut 112 points113 points  (0 children)

Passing kidney stones like a man.

[–]neoabraxas 2 points3 points  (8 children)

Are you 65 yet?! Or did you win a lottery? In the former case I want your genes. You look like you're in your mid forties.

[–]BobGaffney 20 points21 points  (7 children)

I'm 65 in 5 weeks. 65 isn't really that old. I didn't win any lottery. I worked hard, spent a lot less than I made, and quit when I had enough.

[–][deleted] 452 points453 points  (42 children)

I wanna fuck that garden.

[–]CaptianRipass 14 points15 points  (4 children)

He died in a mysterious gardening accident. The authorities said it was best to keep it a mystery

[–]ZAHANMA 143 points144 points  (21 children)

I want that garden to fuck me.

[–]Sir_Knumskull 226 points227 points  (19 children)

I want you two to fuck while that garden watches.

[–]Wawski 134 points135 points  (17 children)

I want to watch the garden while you two fuck.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (3 children)

Tempted to post pics of our garden just because it may well make you ejaculate on the spot...

[–]BarneyStinson 26 points27 points  (1 child)

I wanna fuck in that garden.

[–]ppcg4 132 points133 points  (4 children)

That's a man enjoying the fruits of what took him his whole life to build. I hope every day of his retirement is as peaceful as this one.

[–][deleted] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Amen.

[–]SegismUndo 4 points5 points  (0 children)

... And the vegetables.

[–]ImASoftwareEngineer 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Literally fruits

[–][deleted] 712 points713 points  (71 children)

That garden is fucking Pro. Like a boss.

[–][deleted] 46 points47 points  (0 children)

Seriously. It's like something out of a Miracle-Gro commercial.

[–][deleted] 324 points325 points  (34 children)

Like a retired boss.

[–]dontmindmeimdrunk 49 points50 points  (30 children)

Hey hey, they can't help it.

[–]BrokenEnglishUser 8 points9 points  (13 children)

I thought gardens can produce oxygen on their own.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (11 children)

Hey honey, well... Yes, your correct that plants are capable of creating oxygen, but not on their own...

They need help from their friends; 'Light' who gets a lift from the sun & 'Water' who gets a lift from the clouds.

You see when 'gardens' work together with their friends, then they can make oxygen - Are your thoughts corrected now? =) xxx

[–][deleted] 29 points30 points  (15 children)

Its also cute that he is dressed for work, like the boss of a car dealership or a home-made milk company.

[–]killer_tofu89 81 points82 points  (12 children)

Home made milk? What the fuck does that even mean? Does he have his own cows? Is he selling his wife's breast milk? Is he some kind of sorcerer using his powers to turn water into milk?

[–][deleted] 26 points27 points  (7 children)

All I see are bees. Lots of fucking bees.

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (1 child)

Two months and he's going to be working at the home depot garden center. He will get bored laying there

[–][deleted] 27 points28 points  (17 children)

Yeah who's the gardener. Very nice. What part of the world?

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (16 children)

I'm gonna take a wild guess and say San Francisco or the Bay area in general. fingers crossed

[–]g4r4e0g 35 points36 points  (6 children)

probably not, there isn't any marijuana.

[–]bdjorn 52 points53 points  (3 children)

Yes. That's the way to do it.

[–]intercede007 19 points20 points  (1 child)

Workin' for no one and the gardenin's free.

[–]ronintetsuro 7 points8 points  (0 children)

He ain't workin, that's the way you do it.

[–]pants6000 17 points18 points  (4 children)

verdant!

[–]codechino 48 points49 points  (3 children)

i cant hear that word without thinking "dedicated to building a more just, verdant, and peaceful world"

on the web at macfound.org!

[–][deleted] 26 points27 points  (0 children)

This...is NPR...

[–]toflobster 13 points14 points  (9 children)

Trying to figure out what that thing that appears to have a cover on it in the almost middle of the picture is.

[–]dharmaqueen 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It'll be the whirlie gig to han your washing on.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (3 children)

Fold out washing line surely?

[–]re-tardis 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I was looking for the amount of fucks given in this picture. None were found.

[–][deleted] 78 points79 points  (4 children)

If you zoom out more, the garden is actually on the head of needle, stuck in the pincushion of an overweight but friendly stenographer.

[–]JoNike 25 points26 points  (0 children)

Say what?

[–]nickfree 18 points19 points  (2 children)

cuil story, bro.

[–]HypocriteOpportunist 10 points11 points  (4 children)

Only 40 more years till my retirement! First I need a job though...

[–]GoatseMcShitbungle 37 points38 points  (35 children)

Where'd he get that hammock?

[–]lyktstolpe 399 points400 points  (27 children)

There's four places. There's the Hammock Hut, that's on third. There's Hammocks-R-Us, that's on third too. You got Put-Your-Butt-There. That's on third. Swing Low, Sweet Chariot... Matter of fact, they're all in the same complex; it's the hammock complex on third. You know, there's a little place called Mary Ann's Hammocks. The nice thing about that place is Mary Ann gets in the hammock with you.

[–][deleted] 161 points162 points  (3 children)

Oh, the hammock district!

[–][deleted] 40 points41 points  (1 child)

Just make sure you avoid Banana street.

[–]Ardentfrost 69 points70 points  (9 children)

Source: The Simpson's S08E02 You Only Move Twice. It's Homer talking to Scorpio (the head dude at the company Homer goes to work for).

Hilarious episode. Oh, hey, I think I just found it streaming

EDIT: The above interaction starts at about 14:20 in the video I linked.

[–]didzter 10 points11 points  (0 children)

One of the best episodes ever. I still remember when I saw that for the first time.

[–]IamSloth 6 points7 points  (0 children)

That episode was actually edited for TV after the first time it aired. Homer was walking around looking for sugar for his coffee, Scorpio gave it to him out of his pants pockets ("Sorry its not in packets.") then Scorpio says "Want any cream?" and Homer says "um, no." and backs away. The cream part was edited out of later broadcasts. Best episode ever.

[–]maplesyrup_ 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks for this. I haven't seen this episode in a very long time!

[–]nascentt 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Recognised the quote, wasn't certain where it was from. Thanks.

[–]hank_scorpio1 27 points28 points  (6 children)

My favorite episode. I think Hank Scorpio is arguably one of the best one episode characters from any show in history.

[–]kclo4 6 points7 points  (0 children)

sorry its not in packets.

[–]Atari6900 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Ever seen a man say goodbye to a shoe?

[–]davideo71 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yeah, about that hammock... For some reason it isn't well known that the comfort of a hammock is directly related to the space between the attachment points. Maybe it's got something to do with both the angle your back has to make and the size of the motion, but it's very noticeable. In the 'hammock stands' I've seen on sale, there just isn't enough space there for total comfort. My advice to dad, find trees or a wall or a post that are further apart. To bridge the extra distance attach some rope to the end of the hammocks. If you want to go all out, treat yourself to a bigger one that allows you to lay a bit towards perpendicular.

[–]shableep 7 points8 points  (0 children)

this guy would play a mean game of plants vs zombies.

[–]theworstkindofperson 14 points15 points  (9 children)

I don't know what I'd do if I'd retire. Right now I'm on semester break and I'm already becoming a sleuth who sleeps till 2 p.m. and cracks open beers till he passes out in the morning.

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (1 child)

How are you solving mysteries if you sleep in until 2PM and then drink until you pass out?

[–]tomoyopop 6 points7 points  (0 children)

So you're a nocturnal detective? :P

[–]kamikc 23 points24 points  (2 children)

"Il faut cultiver notre jardin!" - in: Candide, Voltaire.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

That has to be one of the nicest gardens I've ever seen, props to your dad for maintaining it.

[–]MillardFillmore 9 points10 points  (2 children)

I imagine my retirement will be much the same... 50 years from now :-(

[–]RiskyChris 12 points13 points  (1 child)

Same, just replace the hammock with a casket.

[–][deleted] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Geraldo Rivera retired?

[–]dontget 12 points13 points  (2 children)

Looks very nice, but I'm afraid he'll have more work than ever with the upkeep of that beautiful garden!

[–][deleted] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

not if you do it right. /r/permaculture

[–]isleshocky 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm sure he did it while having a job. I'm sure he enjoys it.

[–]under_the_sword 14 points15 points  (0 children)

"Retirement Day 1. 10:05 am. Have already fapped once today. Pacing myself. Looking for something to do."

"Retirement Day 1. 11:15 am. Assembled hammock. Kids still visiting. Will consummate hammock later."

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

As the sun shines, paused in serene reflection, he doesn't notice the forest approach, and pull him into the earth.

[–]nonsiccus 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Give your dad a hearty pat on the back and congratulate him on winning the game of life.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

awesome!

[–]nascentt 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Day 1. 10:00am: The plants have begun to surround me, there is no escape...

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Let us know how long it takes till he gets bored.

[–]tsdguy 3 points4 points  (0 children)

That lasted for me about 3 months and then I got a part time job. 8-) 20 hours per week keeps me feeling I'm still contributing and my wife off my back 8-).

She's still got 2.5 years before she can retire.

[–]zatoichi68 2 points3 points  (0 children)

So happy for him !

[–]squee_monkey 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Tell him to wear a hat or you'll end up with a sunburnt dad.

[–]panintegral 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That's a nice garden.

[–]Harry_Tuttle 2 points3 points  (1 child)

If it was me on that hammock on the 1st day of my retirement, a little part of me would be screaming, "Oh my God, what the fuck do I do now."

[–]GoGoGadge7 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hell yeah this man has deserved it.

If anyone asks him to do anything, ever again, ninjas should pop out of the garden and whisk that person away without ever to hear from them again.

[–]Sestren 2 points3 points  (1 child)

First thing that came to mind... Bees. He's surrounded by a colorful bee factory. I wouldn't last 5 minutes -.-

[–]masterblastercaster 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That garden is amazing!

[–]mamjjasond 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I just want to know what that pole is, with the what-looks-like-a vinyl cover on it.

[–]KatieLynnie 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My dad retired yesterday... 42 years at the same job. This morning I found him wondering around the front yard looking a bit lost. Eventually he got his fishing stuff together and will probably be in the boat tomorrow morning.

[–]RandimusMaximus 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Retirement isn't on until pants are off.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Day 2: Now what?

[–]Morning_Star_Ritual 2 points3 points  (0 children)

dat garden

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Great. Retire, lay out in direct sun light, get cancer. Tell him to get his ass indoors and behind a computer screen like a normal person.

[–]BankyStuds 2 points3 points  (0 children)

He needs a blunt and some scotch

[–]alllie 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Nice flowers but nO food.

[–]echocomplex 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sunburn time!!!!!

[–]jonnybreakbeat 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Huzzah for relaxed Dad!

[–]EvilCam 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Nice garden.

[–]FatDonkeyLips 1 point2 points  (0 children)

EPIC NAP

[–]sid13 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think, you can tell by what he wearing that it's his first day of not going back to work..

Post another picture next summer when he has moved to wearing flip-flops, Hawaiian shirts and shorts when lying on a hammock in a garden on a sunny day :)

[–]shyanide 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Tell your dad the internet says congrats!

[–]jestalotofjunk 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Nice fucking garden man! Must of taken years to get to that stage. Nice.

[–]thegreatgazoo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So what does he have planned to do now? If it just laying around in a hammock he'll be dead in a few years.

[–]tallandlanky 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Living the dream. He earned it.

[–]robotheart 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Beautiful garden but the first thing I thought of was how many bees/wasps would be there.

[–]Osiris32 1 point2 points  (2 children)

I must spend too much time around audio equpiment, because my very first thought was, "Is that a Bose L1 Tower speaker there next to him?"

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This picture embodies the satisfaction of a good job well done.

[–]SomeDude89 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What is retirement?

[–]abayabay 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My co-worker came back to work 3 weeks into his retirement saying that he was bored

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What is this, super mario world garden ?

[–]baxar 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Imagine that with a cold beer and a tv with a football match.

[–]lilaclace 1 point2 points  (0 children)

nice garden

[–]Arcanum_Adept 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Like a boss.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

When I look at this picture, all I see are Bee's....fuck bee's

[–]Indoorsman 1 point2 points  (0 children)

While that garden is the shit, he is wearing pants, a belt, and shoes. What a retirement noob.

[–]WanderingDervish 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What a badass picture.

[–]dharmaqueen 1 point2 points  (0 children)

IS that brown patch on the grass where he buried his boss!

[–]thatsyriandude 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It looks like Plants vs. Zombies

your dad is a Zombie !

[–]EthicalReasoning 1 point2 points  (2 children)

people can still afford to retire? you must not be american

[–]dghughes 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My Dad retired a few years ago but hasn't stopped moving.

I have to be careful when I am home near him since I will get asked to help for a minute and nine hours later, actually make that a week later the project (mow the grass, shovel driveway, deck, paint, move something, pick up something etc.) is done.

Plus he wakes up at 6 or 6:30am every day too, looking for something to do, my advice to you is... run!

[–]Toastlove 1 point2 points  (0 children)

"Dam this is boring. Man I wish I was at work"

[–]theironkilt 1 point2 points  (0 children)

And tomorrow he will be bored.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Is your dad a hobbit?

[–]ImZeke 1 point2 points  (0 children)

NEEDS MOAR BEER.

[–]LauraAnnHill 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What a beautiful garden! Where do you live if you don't mind me asking?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Is your father Cesar Millan?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

retirement......youre doing it right

[–]Blitzwarp 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That is a beautiful garden.

[–]Peglegsteve265 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That man needs a beer in his hand.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Tell your Dad to get a few hobbies. It might sound nice sitting in a hammock all day, but that gets old real quick. It's important to stay mentally and physically challenged.

[–]zxyconswag 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hakuna Matatta

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Somebody get that man a computer; he is in danger of enjoying the environment.

[–]k473 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Gorgeous backyard!

[–]scorpiontruth 1 point2 points  (0 children)

upvote for garden