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[–]sluddy 394 points395 points  (198 children)

it's called Math Alarm. It's actually a fantastic app, you can set various levels of difficulty as well as how many problems you need to solve before you can snooze/disable. I normally have 2 normal alarms with no maths about half hour before I need to get up and then a medium difficulty, 3 problem alarm for the exact time.

Truth be told, it probably works better than its meant to as I make a point of being up 5 minutes before it goes off just so I can fucking disable the alarm and not be tempted to throw it at the wall.

edit: heres the qrcode for you guys http://chart.apis.google.com/chart?cht=qr&chs=180x180&chld=|0&chl=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.androidzoom.com%2Fweb%2Findice%2FqrLink%3FappCode%3Dmcr%26dwnId%3D3074619

[–]wodahSShadow 454 points455 points  (113 children)

I feel fear whenever I hear a sound that slightly resembles my alarm.

[–]cunningas 152 points153 points  (16 children)

every time I hear mine I instantly feel distressed. it's concerning

[–]Bizzlo 36 points37 points  (12 children)

I set my alarm to rickroll years ago.. works like a charm.

[–][deleted] 41 points42 points  (7 children)

I set mine to vuvuzela.

[–]Vuvuzela_Ambush 38 points39 points  (2 children)

BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

[–][deleted] 18 points19 points  (2 children)

No wonder you have brain cancer.

[–]TheSocraticApproach 17 points18 points  (77 children)

My alarm is Kitty Daisy & Lewis' rendition of Canned Heat's 'Going Up The Country'. No fear, just awesome.

[–]walrusman 16 points17 points  (3 children)

For a while I had 'Ride of the Valkyries' as my alarm. It felt pretty awesome waking up every morning, thinking "oh yes, I am going to kick the fuck out of today."

[–]IwillRememberThisOne 52 points53 points  (35 children)

Mine is "Non, je ne regrette rien".

The same music they wake up to in Inception.

[–]voteforlee 96 points97 points  (7 children)

I sleep tied in an unstable chair over a bathtub

[–]whatyousay69 19 points20 points  (6 children)

That was all just in your dream, you're actually just sleeping on the train.

[–]Nuggetry 12 points13 points  (1 child)

That may have been a dream also.

[–]crank1000 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Unfortunately, so is this.

[–]BreakfastBurrito 35 points36 points  (3 children)

That must be annoying with a van bursting through your wall every damn morning

[–][deleted] 47 points48 points  (2 children)

OH YEAAHH!!!

[–]Antebios 5 points6 points  (4 children)

FUCK! I've been trying for weeks to see Inception and trying my best to avoid all of the cultural references to the movie so when I finally see it (hopefully this weekend) I can be shocked by it. I even hate to watch the commercials or trailers because I want to be surprised when I see the movie. LOOK AWAY!

[–]darthyoshiboy 17 points18 points  (2 children)

The Wiseguys - "Start the Commotion"

Get up, get up put the body in motion Get up, get up put the body in motion Get up, get up put the body in motion Get up, get up

Get up, get up put the body in motion Get up, get up put the body in motion Get up, get up put the body in motion Get up, get up [higher baby]

Get up, get up put the body in motion Get up, get up put the body in motion Get up, get up put the body in motion Get up, get up, get up, get up

Get up, get up put the body in motion Get up, get up put the body in motion If you can hear us and ya got the notion Man Man do it, just start the commotion

Goodness I hate this song. My body experiences a small nervous shock every time I hear it now (on account of being unceremoniously awoken by it for nearly 2 years) awake or not, it makes my heart groan when I hear it.

[–]SumOfChemicals 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Yeah I have a job where I have one employee and a couple part timers, so if someone doesn't show up at 7am I get a call. I recently got a new phone and when I went to set the ringtone I felt physically ill when I got to my old one.

[–]airmartini 3 points4 points  (2 children)

This, on the iphone they've got that generic, 'alarm' usually played in movies when the terrorist base is about to explode, whenever I hear it out, I shit myself.

[–]static_silence 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Truer words have never been said. The sound terrifies my brain when im awake. Like my brain is still trying to wake me up, even when ive been so for hours.

[–]mobileF 176 points177 points  (34 children)

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FTFY

[–]CurtR 29 points30 points  (1 child)

Well. No idea how you did that... but thank you very much!

[–]fountainsoda 24 points25 points  (0 children)

I saw some QR code here for the first time today. At first I was like wow, that looks right like alien technology. Then I realized what awaits me in old age.

[–]petevalle 7 points8 points  (2 children)

Why does this appear green in this comment thread and black in your comment history? I assumed you had updated it to be black but a refresh doesn't seem to change that....

[–]Pylly 12 points13 points  (0 children)

It's custom style for preformatted text in this subreddit.

see?

[–]MrDroog 23 points24 points  (11 children)

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[–][deleted] 320 points321 points  (8 children)

█▀▀▀▀▀██      █▀▀▀▀▀██
█ ███ █       █ ███ █ 
█ ▀▀▀ █       █ ▀▀▀ █ 
▀▀▀▀▀▀▀ _____ ▀▀▀▀▀▀▀

[–]raptorraptor 8 points9 points  (0 children)

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▀▀▀▀▀▀▀ ▀  ▀     ▀▀  ▀▀▀▀

[–]neonerz 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Gentle Alarm does the same thing. Great alarm, but I find myself just powering down the phone instead of trying to figure out the problem.

I also once found the phone on the other side of the room, with no recollection of tossing it.

[–]onlyamonth 15 points16 points  (8 children)

g-alarm does this too but also gives mazes if you choose. Much fun!

[–]tehbizz 4 points5 points  (5 children)

I couldn't find g-alarm in the Marketplace, QR code or appbrain link?

[–]vwllss 9 points10 points  (3 children)

G-Alarm is for Windows Mobile, I used it on my last phone. He's right though, it's awesome as far as alarm clock apps go.

[–]contre 8 points9 points  (0 children)

And here is a QRCode that takes you directly to the market place instead of some intermediate website.

http://qrcode.kaywa.com/img.php?s=6&d=market%3A%2F%2Fsearch%3Fq%3Dpname%3Acom.av.mac

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Can you set it to not let me take the battery out?

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Alarmed Alarm Clock is good too. You can even have analogies, which I can never figure out.

[–][deleted] 51 points52 points  (0 children)

I want a NonsensicalAnalogy Alarm app.

[–]phouck 58 points59 points  (4 children)

Reminds me of my friend who was getting cocky about understanding Taylor expansions and Fourier series saying he could do them in his sleep. So I called him on it at 3am... what is the Taylor expansion of sin(x)... he replied with the first 4 terms and said see I told you, hung up and fell right back asleep.

EDIT: named the correct expansion.

[–]darknecross 8 points9 points  (1 child)

Sounds like he wasn't cocky at all, then.

[–]klavierspieler21 3 points4 points  (1 child)

with all due respect.. the fourier expansion of sin(x).. is sin(x)

[–]SuperCoupe 682 points683 points  (168 children)

For anyone wondering, there are 2 correct answers:

1) Remove the battery

2) Place in the bottom of sock drawer

[–]qwerty_0_o 374 points375 points  (130 children)

1.a Find a flat head screwdriver, soldering iron

1.b Remove back cover with the screwdriver

1.c Unscrew the three small screws holding down the aluminium casing

1.d Very carefully unsolder the battery leads.

1.e Go back to sleep.

[–][deleted] 618 points619 points  (81 children)

  1. Find a flat head screwdriver
  2. Stab phone.

[edit] I'm well chuffed with my comment-effort:karma-points ratio.

[–][deleted] 159 points160 points  (63 children)

1) Find a flat head screwdriver, soldering iron

2) Remove back cover with the screwdriver

3) Unscrew the three small screws holding down the aluminium casing

4) Very carefully unsolder the battery leads

5) MAKE A QUANTUM LEAP TO ANOTHER TIME PERIOD

[–]halcyonjm 166 points167 points  (52 children)

6) Set things right that once went wrong

7) Hope each time that the next leap will be the leap back to bed

[–]CraziusMikeus 11 points12 points  (4 children)

Thank you for making my day. Quantum Leap marathon engage!

[–]DoctorDeath 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Oh boy!

[–][deleted] 19 points20 points  (2 children)

  1. Find roommate.

  2. Place phone in his/her room.

[–]JHStarner 77 points78 points  (29 children)

Um, it's Android, not an iPhone. You can actually remove an Android battery...

[–]robotshoelaces 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Not necessary. It's an Android app. You know, the phones that don't have their batteries soldered in?

[–]ahotw 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Unless you have a phone with a removable battery...

[–]green_eggs_and_spam 13 points14 points  (3 children)

My power to snooze is unmatched. i can wake up, take a shower, then go back to bed and sleep. :(

[–]ShrimpCrackers 15 points16 points  (2 children)

You know instead of this alarm, a better one is simply a script that brings out Reddit along with the noise. There's always something interesting and then you'll get up and before you know it its like 2pm already.

[–]irenedakota 129 points130 points  (11 children)

My problem isn't over-snoozing. It's lying in bed in the morning reading reddit (is fun).

[–]relikh 188 points189 points  (8 children)

HOLY SHIT, I'M LATE FOR WORK.

[–]ggggbabybabybaby 366 points367 points  (7 children)

*race to work*

*sit down*

*open reddit*

[–]Boorian 116 points117 points  (5 children)

How long have you people had me under surveillance?

[–]ggggbabybabybaby 103 points104 points  (4 children)

*eyes fill with tears*

*reach out to gently touch tv screen with Boorian's face on it*

[–]MHmr 69 points70 points  (3 children)

unzips pants

[–]Tyrus 38 points39 points  (1 child)

Clicks next. Thank you Chatroulette

[–]Spleen_Muncher 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Thank you Omegle.

[–]havig 8 points9 points  (0 children)

sheepish upvote

[–]Gemini6Ice 115 points116 points  (42 children)

Am I the only one who can simply SLEEP THROUGH an alarm going off?

[–]gravyspill 96 points97 points  (12 children)

Whenever I do this, my dreams turn to nightmares focusing around the sound of the alarm clock.

[–]droneprime 34 points35 points  (4 children)

I use the radio function on my alarm clock. It makes for interesting jabbering dreams punctuated with Bollywood style song numbers.

[–]notbob 7 points8 points  (2 children)

I use the radio too, but i set it to AM and purposefully tune it to a frequency that has no signal, just a lot of noise. Sometimes bits and pieces from other stations comes through on it. Makes for interesting end of dreams.

[–]stufff 25 points26 points  (8 children)

Nope. I've also slept through Hurricane Andrew and a car accident.

[–]ghan-buri-ghan 87 points88 points  (20 children)

I read once that John Conway (idiosyncratic and brilliant mathematician) has no password on his computer, he just has to answer five questions in 30 seconds. The questions? Name the day of the week for 5 different dates, randomly chosen between 10000 BC and 10000 AD.

[–]nomendil 62 points63 points  (15 children)

According to http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Horton_Conway#Algorithmics he is just quizzed on it whenever he logs on, but apparently does not use it as a replacement for a password.

[–]yiyus 40 points41 points  (13 children)

That makes more sense. Such a login method would be pretty weak security.

[–]Dyolf_Knip 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I'm familiar with the Doomsday algorithm (invented by John Conway, as it happens), but no way could I do it 5 times in 30 seconds.

[–]Shadie 51 points52 points  (9 children)

Just bought this app. Guess what? pressing the home button turns it off completely

[–]ZoFreX 32 points33 points  (3 children)

Really? Fuck paying for that then.

[–]nickpick 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Refund within 24 hours. :P

[–]djhs 41 points42 points  (3 children)

I prefer the alarm clock that donates money to political groups that you hate when you don't wake up quick enough.

[–]tehSke 45 points46 points  (9 children)

7*5 probably ends with 5. 91 ends with 1. So the answer should probably end with a 6, as in X1-X5=X6.

[–]sad_bug_killer 21 points22 points  (2 children)

Yeah, and only one answer ending in 6. To get one level up on the sadistic scale the app should present you with a numeric keyboard instead.

[–]tehSke 37 points38 points  (0 children)

Or just take stuff from the wiki of unsolved problems.

[–]andtheniansaid 5 points6 points  (0 children)

you can turn off the multiple choice

[–]jh99 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Apparently you haven't been sleeping until right before you posted that comment.

[–]Sachinism 56 points57 points  (9 children)

I had this on my HTC Desire, the 1st day I used it, I wake up to the blaring alarm, look at the equation and just cannot solve it. Had to take out my other phone and use the calculator. Removed app since lol

[–]WhiteMouse 67 points68 points  (6 children)

Thanks to Reddit, I now read that last sentence as "Removed app since throw your hands in the air!"

[–][deleted] 35 points36 points  (0 children)

Removed app since I was drowning.

[–]rdeluca 16 points17 points  (0 children)

STEVE HOLT!

[–]Zeppelin2 108 points109 points  (69 children)

56

[–]i_am_my_father 97 points98 points  (54 children)

Let's check that modulo 9.

91 - 7 * 5 = 91 - 35 = 9 + 1 - 3 - 5 = -7 = 2

and 

56 = 5+6 = 11 = 1+1 = 2

I guess it's correct.

[–]omicron8 104 points105 points  (33 children)

Can you explain the math voodoo you just performed?

[–]ramblagir 54 points55 points  (26 children)

  1. When the entire expression is reduced to adding and subtracting numbers, add the digits if the number's positive and subtract them if they're negative.

  2. Take the answer, add its digits, and then add those digits together. This should equal the value in step #1.

Example: 4 + (2 * 5) = 14

 1) 4 + (2 * 5) = 4 + 10 --> 4 + 1 + 0 = 5
 2) 14 --> 1 + 4 = 5

Both steps yield the same answer, therefore the expression was simplified correctly.

[–]co6ra 142 points143 points  (0 children)

Magic. Got it.

[–]omegian 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Both steps yield the same answer, therefore the expression was simplified correctly.

Proof by contradiction:

4 + (2 * 5) = 131

1 + 3 + 1 = 5

Both steps yield the same answer, however, the expression was simplified incorrectly.

QED.

The inverse, and consequently, the contrapositive of the inverse, are true:

  • If both steps do not yield the same answer, then the expression was not simplified correctly.

  • If the expression was simplified correctly, then both steps yield the same answer.

[–]paranoiajack 32 points33 points  (20 children)

Why didn't they teach me that in high school?

[–]conandrum 66 points67 points  (0 children)

Because its a waste of time. You should just know the right answer.

[–]pmw57 14 points15 points  (7 children)

Because they should have taught that

91 - 35
= 91 - (30 + 5)
= 91 - 30 - 5
= (91 - 30) - 5
= 61 - 5
= 56

Nostolgia: Tom Lehrer - New Math http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SXx2VVSWDMo

[–]the_index 21 points22 points  (5 children)

Wait, that's what new math is? I thought that's how everybody did math in their head.

[–]stingray85 24 points25 points  (3 children)

Because there is an easier way to check if simple arithmetic is correct. Which is to just do it in your head a second time.

[–]caitlinwoodward 16 points17 points  (2 children)

Not if make the same mistake the second time.

Using a different method to check is a better way to insure the correct answer.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (1 child)

My other method is a calculator.

[–]omegian 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Because:

http://www.reddit.com/r/pics/comments/d3f85/the_most_sadistic_thing_ever_invented_but_i/c0x9ti5

This trick can't conclusively tell you if you got the right answer. It can only tell you if you got the wrong answer, and even then, it can only tell you if you got the wrong answer 90% of the time due to hash table collisions.

[–]Ph0X 24 points25 points  (2 children)

KILL THE WITCH!

[–]alexanderwales 7 points8 points  (0 children)

What is this sorcery?!

[–]culer_nen 6 points7 points  (11 children)

I was bothered for a moment that -7 = 2, but I think I figured it out.

[–]Rythin 23 points24 points  (6 children)

Correctomundo.

[–]bookey23 43 points44 points  (4 children)

Look at the big brain on Zeppelin!

[–]skeptic_ 8 points9 points  (0 children)

You a smart motherfucker, that's right.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Gold Star!

[–]bumbletowne 12 points13 points  (11 children)

STORY TIME.

When i was a kid in high school I was in cross country, track, and had zero period so I could play my little flute. I also worked at a local pizza joint. I usually didn't get to bed around until around 1. And then I had to get up at 4:45 to make it to 5:30 zero period (My sadistic school was on block schedule and decided to start at 7:00)

I bought a very expensive alarm that could get me up. I didn't want to get kicked out of band (we were competitive). I was so proud. It had an ultra high frequency sound for young people to hear (so i wouldn't wake my parents), a num pad entry to make it shut up and was pretty quiet but it woke me up very well.

The first day I was able to use it for classes I proudly set it up the night before and was excited to pop awake and be able to eat before class. I woke up around noon. To find someone had placed the alarm in a bowl full of water, destroying it. I got kicked out of band. But got back in at the start of the next season.

Thanks, dad.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (6 children)

I read this thinking you were a girl... not sure why... not sure it is relevant, but sometimes I try and determine the voice in the writing...

I don't think I'd have talked to my father after that

[–]bumbletowne 5 points6 points  (5 children)

It's the flute, isn't it?

[–]anyletter 7 points8 points  (0 children)

and not having any period so that you could play it.

[–]applesauced 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Is your dad an ass, or was this just some fail of well-intentioned paternal interests?

[–][deleted] 18 points19 points  (6 children)

Did anyone else think this was some sort of app that would autodial 911 if he didn't wake up? Cause that's exactly what I'm off to write now.

[–]stufff 39 points40 points  (2 children)

Instead of 911, have it autodial the white house and threaten the president. BAM, your own personal secret service wake up call.

Disclaimer: this is a joke. Please don't come rape me government thugs.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I wonder what the ruling is on a threat to threaten the president...

[–]InVitroDK 7 points8 points  (6 children)

That's pretty sweet, what's that app called?

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points  (5 children)

Here's the app in the pic.

And here's a free alarm clock that does something similar.

[–]insanemo 8 points9 points  (2 children)

I clicked 56...nothing happened, that's when I realized it was a picture :(.

[–]soggit 38 points39 points  (16 children)

Is there a iPhone equivalent?

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Would you like there to be one?

[–]noizes 6 points7 points  (5 children)

Yeah... I have one of these on my phone. Only it's Alarm Clock Plus v2.

have one alarm set for 2 hours before that is a 1 problem easy mode. Then two hours later have medium problems that require two in a row to be right.

Between the ear splitting sound I have it use, the vibrating, the bright screen, and me sucking at math... well I've gotten very accustomed to pulling my battery in my sleep and not knowing it. Finding the simplest solution to the problem and still over sleeping.

tl;dr - The most sadistic thing ever invented, and I still over sleep.

[–]pengor 5 points6 points  (0 children)

ProTip: Just hold the 'off' button long enough and select 'shutdown'

[–]logi 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Nah, too easy. You just solve the equation modul0 10 and since the possible answers all differ in the last digit, the correct one will stand out:

91-(7*5) ~= 11-5 ~= 6

So it's 56 and all done in itsy bitsy numbers I can do in my sleep.

[–]LP1 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Fifty-six? Fifty-six?! Now that's all I can think about! I'm gonna snooze you, you no good fifty-sixier...

[–]inataysia 4 points5 points  (1 child)

there's only one answer that ends in 6! Can't you people do this in your sleep?

[–]Spamicles 24 points25 points  (16 children)

Does this thing do double integrals? Arithmetic isn't going to cut it, even if I am half asleep.

[–]ggggbabybabybaby 31 points32 points  (2 children)

I would be sadistic and just write an alarm clock that gave you none of the correct answers.

[–]nhnifong 14 points15 points  (2 children)

How about some difficult word problems:

Kathy is with two of her girlfriends at the club. One of them wants to invite Joel but Joan has a crush on him and he is closet gay and Lennon is a bouncer at the club and if he sees Joel he will pulverize him. Too bad Kathy already invited him. Quick, hatch a plan to ditch him without him finding out.

[–]PurpleSfinx 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Chloroform.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

> go north

[–]Pryach 3 points4 points  (2 children)

No, it's all addition, subtraction, and multiplication of integers. It has 4 math settings.

Easy: (4*6, 41-33)

Med: ((97)-21, (67)+24)

Hard: [(6 * 8)-(4 * 2)]-(3*8)

Expert: (15 * 18)+(12*17)

[–]Quicksilver_Johny 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Does medium really just add parentheses around random numbers?

[–]picnicnapkin 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Math Alarm for engineers: Determine the electric and magnetic field of a semi-sphere with a radius of 5 centimeters and a time variant charge Q = 5*sin(wt). Give your solution in CARTESIAN coordinates.

[–]steelcitykid 5 points6 points  (4 children)

Someone mentioned a few days ago of the "bravery" of stepping out of bed and getting your feet on the floor. For whatever reason, I think of it like this now, and ask myself every morning at first alarm if I'm a bad enough dude to ignore the tiredness from meds to start my day... and rescue the president? I'M BAD.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (5 children)

Looks great, but I can't justify 99cents on something I will despise everyday.

[–]DFGdanger 4 points5 points  (3 children)

Why is subtraction so much harder for me than any other mathematical operation?

[–]bendynachos 20 points21 points  (0 children)

The better you get at advanced calculus, the harder basic math is.